Bland suburban daily the Washington Post is asking for one hundred volunteers who want to stab forks into their eyes for a few days and help scour 24,000 Sarah Palin emails to prevent Chris Cilizza from developing a brain tumor reading them on his own. The complete set of official emails from Palin’s tenure as governor will be released tomorrow, guaranteeing a week-long news cycle dump of Palin’s gubernatorial misadventures riddled with elementary misspellings and syntax errors. We sure are looking forward to that! Now, who wants to sign up?
Over 24,000 e-mail messages to and from former Alaska governor Sarah Palin during her tenure as Alaska’s governor will be released Friday. That’s a lot of e-mail for us to review so we’re looking for some help from Fix readers to analyze, contextualize, and research those e-mails right alongside Post reporters over the days following the release.
We are limiting this to just 100 spots for people who will work collaboratively in small teams to surface the most important information from the e-mails. Participants can join from anywhere with a computer and an Internet connection.
WaPo is limiting this mouth-watering task to “just” one hundred people who would rather lose a half dozen IQ points parsing Sarah Palin’s illiterate bickering for “meaning” all weekend, for free, instead of doing absolutely anything else. This is your employment future, America. [Washington Post]
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If they are not insane when they start, they certainly will be when they finish.
If this WaPo event seems less than appealing, I'm having a free icepick lobotomy BBQ at my place this weekend. Bring your own icepick (BYOI).
This is how a zombie apocalypse gets started.
WIN!
It's called "document review". Employed lawyers hire unemployed lawyers to do this sort of thing all the time. (This accounts for those zombified dead souls riding home on the subway at midnight.)
Meh. I'm sure all of the best stuff is in her Yahoo mail anyway.
I'm busy but I happen to know of a herd of rabid monkeys runnings loose in the Gila National Forest just ahead of that forest fire. If that'll help.
If Palin is with them, yes.
Read the fucking article, already! We've already got Palin's emails. Now we need someone to read them.
Sorry, can't make it, the sun is contemplating a surprise visit to Seattle this weekend, and I'm planning on being outside.
Cmon! That'll take only 5 minutes. What about the rest of the day?
Got to give it the full 15 minutes. Ken Layne said so.
I can send you some of this Texas sun. We could use a break. (God, are you listening?)
Not until August 6.
Touché!!
Hey, does it really rain constantly there like in that show "The Killing"?
Quit teasing, NounVerb.
I took today OFF because it was supposed to be sunny around here, and look what we got. No complaints about last weekend, however.
What, Richard Cohen is just too busy?
I heard about some email thingies written by someone named Palin. What is this newfangled email stuff? I asked the intern who turns on my computer for me, but her explanation made my head hurt and I had to lie down. Apparently this Palin was governor of the territory of Alaska until she had too many babies and was forced to make a living off something called reality TV. Whatever happened to Huntley and Brinkley? What is this "reality" they are telling me about? Have I reached my word count?
Aren't Huntley and Brinkley the two oldest Palin kids?
Of course! Those secretaries are not gonna harass themselves, y'know.
How much word salad can a person take?
this is like going through a septic tank looking for corn, only worse.
The upfist didn't begin to express my joy.
Very well put.
Kernels of truth?
Bland suburban daily the Washington Post
I believe you forgot "and Washington Times wannabee".
…to prevent Chris Cilizza from developing a brain tumor
Why would anyone want to prevent this one potential positive development in our shameless corporate media?
~
Guantanamo detainees sound like prime candidates for this task (Wordsalad-boarding?).
I upfist a yes.
I nominate Cord Jefferson.
I nominate Jordan Ginsberg (aka the Canadian dude).
Look, journamalism!
The complete set of official emails from Palin’s tenure as governor will be released tomorrow, guaranteeing a week-long news cycle dump of Palin’s gubernatorial misadventures riddled with elementary misspellings and syntax errors.
Oh, thank God–finally, no more Weiners…
There's always Tod's sexts to Sarah.
Stop the presses! Even as Wonkette fritters away the precious few remaining brain cells of loyal Wonketeers on Sarah Palin news, the chubby young white GOP state legislator in Massachusetts who says it's perfectly fine if illegal immigrants who get raped are afraid to report it to the police is named Ryan Fattman.
Sorry for the run-on sentence. That's what you call breathless reporting.
Ryan Fattman sounds like the one who should be breathless.
But he's not chubby. He's tragically chinless:
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MI0eHifqM14/TSeOUss6-2I…
Also a complete asshole.
"Special Ed" is written all over that face.
I'm willing to stipulate that he is chinless rather than chubby, but he do photograph poorly. http://www.wickedlocal.com/bellingham/town_info/y…
As for your second point, I guess I'd have to say that if Ryan Fattman got butt-raped and was afraid to report it to the police, it wouldn't bother me that much.
Not Woo-stah, he represents Sutton.
And that's just because there is no district named Mutton.
Well, Worcester is is a horrible dive if that helps (no offense to any wonketeers who may live there)
"Ryan leads Republicans" this guy couldn't lead the Huckabee kids to a Golden Corral.
Now, there's a face I'd love to smack.
And smack HARD!
Here come ol' Fattman
He come slimin' up slowly
~
He got joojoo eyeballs….
Ryan!!! That's a good one!
So that's what Screech is up to these days.
http://www.hecklerspray.com/wp-content/uploads/20…
I'll do it for Kaplan University credit.
I think Ken Layne is available.
He's a novelist now. So yeah, lots of time on his hands.
Ken Lay might be a better choice. Already brain-dead.
Lies! Ken Lay is Alive!
Hey, I resemble that remark.
I haz the sadz. Please don't set me aflame.
lol!
Too soon?
Most of them are probably just "T".
At the risk of downfist hell,what does the "T" reference mean or refer to?
A while back she sent out a tweet that simply said "T"
You might be able to dig it out by searching for a "palin tweet" tag or somesuch. Oh, and I'd never downfist someone just because of simple meme unfamiliarity. Au contraire!
Thanks.
That woman is amazing and I mean in the worst way possible.
http://wonkette.com/433989/sarah-palin-has-either…
You'll notice that, at the time, it had been "retweeted" by 28 people.
Either that or she just quit writing half-way through.
Yay!
Also:
analyze, contextualize, and research those e-mails
Here's some help, for starters:
Completely Ignorant
Batshit Insane
Pure Hate
Um, What?
If those readers can muster the strength make it through an issue of WaPo on a regular basis, they might have a chance of making it out alive.
I'd rather read these kid's homework: http://stupidfunnypics.blogspot.com/2010/12/funny…
Jesus, can't Sally Quinn do this?
In exchange for one nite with Todd, yes.
She'd eff it up. You're probably too young to remember when she co-anchored the CBS Morning News.
I will do it if and only if there is some sort of drinking game involved. And free booze. Lots and lots of free booze.
don't forget the 72 virgins
The other 10% are from an "Alaskan Princess" who needs your help moving her money out of the country.
Moving your money into her wallet.
The whole "working collaborative" thing pretty much nixes it for me.
And I'm not crazy about their use of the word 'surface' either.
is this the account with the abc123 password, or the official account?
I wonder if she got pictures of Anthony Weiner's dick.
I'm going to get repetitive stress disorder typing "BLOOD LIBEL!!!!" on Wonkette next week.
Sorry, I'm busy… I have to… um… SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FACE!
You can't fire me…I QUIT!
I'd like to help out, but I have a frontal lobotomy scheduled for this weekend. I made the appointment months ago.
Both Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford are committed to a piss-fest in Santa Fe
I was going to chew on a roll of aluminum foil, but this may be even better.
Christ, it would be like reading the comments section at BigGovernment.com! No, thanks!
T
15% of them are "T".
wat?
Who would want to give up unemployment benefits, or the space they've claimed under their favorite overpass, for this thankless job?
How do you send emails in crayon? Is there a font like wingdings?
Sorry, I have some Jehovah's Witnesses coming around to the house this weekend and I would rather listen to them.
Pass. It would be like reading James Joyce's grocery list, if he were shopping for things that don't exist. I'm pretty sure H.P. Lovecraft warned us about texts like these.
Complete with white casuls and cakes we like?
This is actually Joyce's grocery list. I was shocked, too, so you know.
http://wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/gh…
Now I'd love to have me some o' that "Cedar Cheese!"
Cedar Cheese – isn't that what Paul Revere rode through town when he was firing those shots and ringing those bells?
I nominate William Shatner.
KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!!!!
He's already had to pay for Palin's cross-border healthcare, isn't that enough punishment?
If he's busy, we can always use Adam West.
I'm sure Bill Kristol would do it, except that his dick might fall off from all the fapping.
OT(?), but essentially all of Gingrich's staff has quit. Perhaps they know that Gingrich sent some wiener pix to Palin?
Wouldn't he have to find it under that gut of his first?
Sorry, no can do. I no speaka her language.
And i can't afford the Rosetta Stone Palinesque course, which they said would take a linguist 4-5 years to get the hang of it.
and that's a cunning linguist.
sorry. ever so sorry.
It's a reflex. We've all been there.
I'm all for volunteering, but to be nice I'd rather not have the opportunity. I'd snark myself into an orgasm or ten by being smartass of the century while reading that bitch's email.
If they want analysis, better go somewhere else. I would be out for blood.
Ummm. It's the media. When have they ever chosen analysis over blood?
Blood libel!
Palin + Dump = Chocolate + Peanut Butter
in what respect wapo?
That's just mean. Let Jr. Cut his/her teeth before we get too abusive. He's/she's not Riely….yet.
But, what if Wonkette, Jr., is Riley, same body & everything?
Then: On your mark, get set….ABUSE.
LOL. Is there even a door?
It should be about 100 degrees F outside this weekend. I think I'd rather spend it clearing brush than reading that crazy woman's weird emails. The strange syntax and paranoia might be funny at first, but the gibberish will just wear you down after a while.
There are several e:mail exchanges between only Sarah Palin & Lou Sarah. It's a Raoul Duke/Dr Gonzo type exchange.
Isn't there an insane asylum someplace looking for recreation for the patients?
Hmm. After all, they're already insane…
Nope, St. Ronnie closed 'em all.
The Post doesn't mention that your eyelids will proped open Clockwork Orange Style.
And you'll never be able to listen to Beethoven again.
Be careful when you say, "shoot me an e-mail" to Palin.
And be especially careful with that whole, "Give me a ring" thing… the noise is deafening.
It would be fascinating to see the raw, unfiltered evidence of how Sarah Palin thinks — however, I doubt it'll change my conception of what happens — it's probably the mental equivalent of a senile person on an Ambien somnambulation, making a grilled cheese sandwich with peanut butter, laundry detergent and one of those coupon books from the mail.
There's also a long back-and-forth conversation between her and a Nigerian prince.
Over 24,000 e-mail messages to and from former Alaska governor Sarah Palin during her tenure as Alaska’s governor will be released Friday.
All of them, Katie.
So the Post has found how to make the newspaper business profitable again: by tricking their readers into doing their work for them, for free.
Are there no prisons, no workhouses? I help support those establishments; if the Post needs volunteers perhaps they should look there.
Or they could look to the students they're scamming with their fake university.
What about Gitmo?
No, I almost signed up! Of course I would tell Wonkette before I reported to my WaPo overlords.
I'm worried that Barb won't pace herself. She could blow a snark circuit.
Can't we recruit one of our commentators to volunteer so we can get real-time updates on this trashbin of human history?
This is remeniscent of my grand mother who would insist on looking in the toilet before I flushed to devine my health.
Shit, over a hundred comments in half an hour; Junior knows that Palin stories rack up the pageviews.
Yes, the force of sleaze is strong with that one.
Volunteers? Like, for free? No way. The WP should get a hundred students from its profit-making Kaplan University to do it, as a 3-credit practicum, in Political Science, or Journalism or something. Kaplan University could even charge the students for the credits, and use the money to pay WP reporters, who will otherwise starve, from poverty.
"practicum, in Political Science, or Journalism or something."
Abnormal Psychology?
Sounds like a job for Opie and Anthony.
I'd rather see Bristol ride the Sybian.
/shudders
They want people to help "surface" the significant emails? What the fucking fuck? What the fucking fuckety-fuck fucking language are they speaking over there?
Wapoian?
I already have to read the musings of illiterate and semiliterate high school students for a living, satisfying my civic duty requirement for ten lifetimes. Merely the idea of having to read ANYthing written in some official capacity by that braindead snowbilly grifter hag is enough to make me want to nuke the entire state of Alaska and its zombie voters. No. Can. Do.
One long fapfest for him/them.
I might just volunteer for this, just to read the Real Person Fanfiction she's written about herself and Michelle Bachmann.
FOR FREE??? in this economy, and Sarah Palin Letters….KMA!!!!
now if you give me something from tiffany's we'll talk.
Could I please clean the Fukushima reactor with my tongue instead?
I volunteered. I'll let you know how it goes, assuming there's not some blood oath I have to sign to get access to them from the WaPo.
Blood oath libel!
Thanks Steverino – I am so glad someone is willing to take on for the team.
Just post the really good stuff here before you send it to WaPo.
That goes without saying, my friend. Again, I have to be picked to be a volunteer and I'm sure the WaPo will insist on some kind of exclusivity oath or something. I know I would if I were them.
Wow, I think you may have topped baconzgood's offer to use his dick as gag for Mann Coulter.
Not quite sure how to take that, but it was a very funny comment!
I didn't know Baconz had done that. He is one brave wonketeer.
That IS a puzzler!
Steverino — reading Sarah's emails = putting his brain in a blender.
baconzgood — mouth-fucking Mann Coulter = putting his dick in a blender.
Isn't this what Gitmo was built for?
With the B-side of "Instant Karma", entitled "Who Has Seen the Wind?"
And will these just be the texts of emails, or will we also be able to see all of the funny "forwards" sent to her with pic attachments Obama picking watermelons, moose fucking, Footprints, etc.
Just think how funny reading Sarah Palin's emails will be simply for the spelling and grammatical mistakes. The content — heinously bitchy interspersed with asinine — is just the cherry on top.
This is my reason for volunteering, mainly. That and the chance to see narcissism up close and sharpen the mad reading skillz.
Oh, man, that would be sic sic sic!
Washington Post: "I go looking a for sucker but I get no offers; just a come-on from the whores on 7th Avenue"
Bukowski?
Oh, dear Lord, please let there be nudie shots and flirtatious emails to male admirers. Is that to much to ask? And if some of them are to Andrew Sullivan, that would instantly make it the Best. Month. Ever.
this would be a good for people who want to get out of jail early…all they have to do is read her letters…you know they'll gonna snank someone for more time after that!
"Nutraloaf, the cunt's letters, or solitary confinement?! You pick, Rocko."
I would say give the job to Palinates…but they would get delusioned…YEAH RIGHT
Sounds like a job for Wonkette staff.
Do these include all the state business she did on her private/personal accounts, phones, etc. To keep it out of scrutiny?
Watermelonsss!!!1!
Isn't this how the Unibomber started out?
Sorry, would love to but am having my head cosmetically amputated this weekend…
"Volunteers" = no workers' comp.
Volunteers: for when interns are just too expensive.
Just send it all to me. I wrote an automated program to search for scandals. "Scandalizer v1.0." It's a lot easier than teaching monkeys to read.
Honestly? You're totally lying. Because if you had invented such a piece of software, you'd be a bazillionaire, and you wouldn't have time to read Wonkette because you'd be too busy snorting cocaine off a hooker's labia.
The main problem is the wordsalad translator module never worked right. We're gonna get that fixed for 2.0.
You couldn't pay me enough to read that tripe. I will, however, regularly check in on The Mudflats blog to see what they find.
For the trashy dirt, you're going to have to check Immoral Minority, I reckon.
Which languages are required other than English and Basic Palinian?
I have "Conversational Batshit" on CD, If anyone needs to borrow it.
Bravo!
All of them, Katie! (Had to do it)
Todd's masseuse?
No way. India has at least some basic protections of human rights. Hell, there isn't even a call center in Equatorial Guinea that would do this.
Can this be used on a resume as an internship?
If that resume is written in crayon, yes.
Wapo has to resort to volunteers for research? Either they're bleeding cash out of every hole in bulk or they are the cheapest fucknobs on the planet. Volunteers to do research for a freakin' newspaper? What next, a bake sale?
It's gay pride weekend in DC- so count me out(And I am an old straight woman- but still…)
"You rang?" –Julian Assange
Searching Sarah's syntax for proof of her stupid. Talk about your job security.
Have any of you ever read any of Hitler's speeches? They're complete gibberish. He just shouted them so authoritatively. I imagine her emails are like that. Gibberish, stated with conviction.
Sarah Palin's® All-You-Can-Eat Word Salad Bar
no mention of the span of the 24,000 e-mails, two-three days perhaps?
"And if you don't ask for extra sour cream on that Enchirito again you'll be delivering mail up in Barrow you insect!"
DeVEIN, dummy! Dangling 'rhoid!
I simply assume that it has already been tossed. As to how much a person can take, that's what this whole experiment is about.
What do you mean "today?"
reading?
$arah Palin?
I haz a confoosed!
Now the NY Times is asking for volunteers as well. When did our journalists get so lazy? Oh, right.
http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/06/09/hel…
I'm with the no votes, this time. We gotta give Junior some time to enjoy this (presumably) paying job before he/she/they realize that their soul is dying.
Plus, I'm kissing ass. Comment of the Day?!
And for free, yet?
Can't they just run them over with a truck or something?
Anyone who is insane enough to do this is not someone you want analyzing emails – or trying to define "contextualize."
The Fix would be an awesome name for a column that wasn't stupid and banal. As it is, Cillizza should call his column The Fixx, which seems more his cultural and cognitive speed.
They could always go looking for help at the unemployment offices. I hear those places are plenty busy, these days.
That, or they could troll the nation's (few remaining) psychiatric hospitals to try and find translators for Gibberish, specifically the Palinese Alaskan dialect of Gibberish.
Didn't Paul Revere say something in the Magna Carta about cruel and unusual punishment?
Let's get what's-his-face to do it, since he thinks Lou Sarah is so prestigious.
After an hour, he'll be rocking glassy-eyed in a corner, mumbling, "exhilarating… exquisite…" over and over.
Not enough eye-wash in the world to get me to read this crap.
Jeebus Christ on a cracker! I don't even read all my own emails, why would I want to read this vapid twat's?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHy1rFeBDzQ&NR…
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