Have we given out a Comment of the Day virtual sex trophy today, or this week, or even this spring/summer? NO, what is going on around here? Let’s nominate and award the Win of the Afternoon to beloved commenter CapeClod, for his/her advice to invisible nonentity Tim Pawlenty. Is the “T-Paw” brave enough to take this hawt tip?
If you cannot see the picture because you are reading this in the dark or something (?), here is what it says, in text: “If he wants to get some attention, he should hire a bus, get a lobotomy and ride around the country misinterpreting US history.”
{ 140 comments }
It's like being king of the nerds…which is sorta cool.
Peak of the geek.
The king of anything, even. Or the Sultan of SWAT (Valley). Or the pearl amongst swine. Or the diamond in the snuff (Skoal Rebel's, of course).
Valedictorian of summer school.
WTF!! When the hell did this happen? What do I win? Vodka? I really hope that its vodka.
He also needs a pussy.
So hot.
Or a couple of boobs. But Gingrich and Santorum may be busy that weekend.
John Boehner might be able to take some time off and help out.
In addition to the one between his bony little legs?
There's an app for that. Well, there's at least an operation for that.
WTF, Junior Wonkette (if that's even your real name). Why no dirty pictures of my former pretend boyfriend. You a 9-5er, or what?
Excuse me–was there a topic on this thread? In the time it took to download the comments, I dozed off.
#winning.
It's pretty stunning.
Breitbart's breathless description of it over the radio reaches new heights (or depths) of creepiness. Creepiness, in fact, is an utterly inadequate word for it.
as if we didn't have enough stress with competition for 'p' scores, fighting the down-fisters and braving breitbart trolls, now we have to vie for 'comment of the afternoon'?
time for more alcohol.
Cripple fight!!!!11!!
Yeah, notice there's never a 'comment of the morning' or 'night'. Afternoon is nap time for a lot of people.
Although really, I don't bother trying to rack up pee.
(sips martini)
You're one of the cool kids.
I'm gonna pretend I fit in.
Sooner or later, you'll realize you're not pretending anymore.
That's just how it works.
Yep, Learn It, Know It… Live It!
That's why he's got the sunglasses.
OT
The NYTimes is reporting that Anthony Weiner's wife is pregnant.
If it's from sexting, will it be a chip off the old
blockmicroprocessorWeiner?She must be overjoyed. God, this guy is a douche. Not as big a douche as Breitbart, but still a really big douche.
well, I read that she wanted a child – she has an excellent job- so she can divorce Tony and get on with her life. I have a friend who wanted kids- her husband turned out to be a real bastard- but she had her child, got rid of the husband and she and her son have a good life(I am not saying you shouldn't have 2 parents but if one parent is an asshole/abusive bastard/adulterer- better to raise your kid yourself)
But how old will the child be before pix of daddy's junk is shoved in his/her face.
Divorce him, take all his money an all the money he'll ever earn.
Gah, that poor woman.
They can name the kid "Horny4u".
There's nothing like finding out your husband is sending pictures of his erect dick to a bunch of 21-year-old women to wipe out that first trimester glow, esp. the first baby because (forgive the foray into the maudlin) it really is a once-in-a lifetime time. Geez…I really feel bad for her.
I'm down-fisting everyone from now on.
It's Fist or get Fisted around here.
Are you gonna charge for that? How long is the wait?
Even with the lobotomy and the bus he still would have one hell of a time comparing to Dame $arah's ownership of mean and stupid grifting. You don't get one of those every day. I don't think it is something you can even aspire to, you just have it or you don't. $arah is an unnatural phenomenon.
Cape Clod, whom I assume is a fellow Bay Stater, deserves mega-uber-kudos for that trenchant advice. Well done!
Romney Care!!1!
Cape fucking Cod, represent! Well done!
And seriously, our peninsula does not look like a penis.
All peninsulas look like penises. Hence the name.
Methinks you haven't been here to Michigan, then. We are the hand that jacks off other peninusula.
Certainly the UP usually does end up screwed.
Jacks off your own penis, no?
But does it bend to the left?
Or if it does then the Bay State Mohel don't know bris from brisket.
We are all peninsular penises today in the Bay State.
Today was not a good day for penises.
Am I ALONE in thinking penis summer is an ok idea?!!!?!!
But a strong June Junk system points to a weak Cocktober, and nobody wants that.
You are right. The penis police are out en force. As one who lacks a penis (despite the photo) I am testing my empathy skills to the max and hoping to measure up. I think the whole brouhaha about a "higher standard" is bullshit. Let's talk "higher standard" about Kyl's outright lie about Planned Parenthood. I guess outright lies in the actual working day capacity of elective office are the "higher standard" we're after. Puritanical bullshit. End rant. Thanks for listening. You're a good Esq.
That is probably the greatest downfall of the Internet. Penises used to have a certain mystique. A certain allure. Now, you can't go to a web site and not be smacked in the face with one. And, let's face it, without a little mystery, they are just floppy things that really aren't that interesting. What chance do you have now days at the local high school when every kid has forty of them on their phone? No wonder Breitbart looks so sad all the time.
But don't go sending any pictures of your peninsula online or you may end up as an archipelago.
Cute. I love geographical humor. Anyone seen my isthmus lately?
Hmmm, somebody left an atoll, let's check the lost-and-found.
Circle C (fuck, I don't know, it's out there somewhere) Jefferson Airplane.
You may be right, at least from what I've seen getting Twittered around these days.
If your penis is shaped like Cape Cod, I strongly urge you to see a plastic surgeon.
Especially if it's shaped that way for four hours or more.
"And seriously, our peninsula does not look like a penis."
It looks like a skinny arm trying to make a muscle.
Cape Cod, where on qiuet nights we can sometimes hear the people on Martha's Vineyard and Nantucket laughing at us.
Junior, when you gonna unmask? Names, people. We want names.
Also, most excellent comment of the day, dude.
I'm pretty sure that Jr. is just an old TRS-80 running some sort of variation of ELIZA.
Agreed. Enough of this anonymity – I'm going to start withholding sex from Wonkette Jr. until we get a reveal. Who's with me?
Sex? This fucker's a blogger. He hasn't had sex since he nailed that homely girl in the 9th grade
Hey! You didn't have to call me homely!
CapeClod, a lobstah upclaw for you.
Yes, Mr. Clod! Well done, fellow Masshole!
I didn't know you used that term for each other- I thought it came from Vermonters
How much you wanna bet CapeClod is Wonkette Jr.?
Or at least blows Wonkette Jr.?
(No disrespect Clod, we love you! and we have all been there.)
Junior is just trying out all the features. We should be seeing a "Letter to the Editor" post any day now.
I noticed some time ago that "CapeClod" is following me on IntenseDebate, and yet I have not received a single naughty pic of his (or anyone's) wiener. Until this injustice is rectified, I urge Wonkette to withhold this honor. He is clearly a flight risk (seems to know a lot about buses), so I suggest no bail either.
Heh he. Rectified.
Maybe Clod is really a Breitbart operative?
I'm following several people via InsaneDebate, and these "followings" [note gerund to noun modification] all happened by accidental clickification (honest. I'm not stalking anybody. Really.).
I'm still following these folks, whoever they are, because it seems to me that "unfollowing" them would be sort of negative, and I have no desire to register disapproval on any of them. [Hint to any Wonketeer that may be looking for a sociology dissertation: see above].
As for your indignation regarding the persistent absence of CapeClod's wiener from our intellectual discourse, I might remark that I am not following Limeylizzie, Barb, or Tessie (among others I'm not following), and that there has been a noticeable vacuity of images of related naughty bits.
So, you know, maybe run for office?
Wow, Layne really must be gone. Giving a commentor some well deserved credit.
In fairness, Ken didn't play favorites, and gave some nice pats over the years when you made him laugh or made a good point.
Of course, I always thought they should on the weekends post a "Seen, heard, said" feature, with five or six of the editors favorite comments linked to the original post. Kind of a nice way to recap and to share the love with the Wonketteers.
How do we know he didn't already have a lobotomy?
The doctor wouldn't be able to stay awake that long.
He is a Republican, so I sort of assumed it was implied.
The way stupid sells these days, every American should be a goddam millionaire.
The only way we could improve our trade balance would be to start exporting sideshow freaks.
Beck, Palin, Octomom, Snooki. It's our only growth industry.
They don't have E.coli, I hope.
Upfisted.
Good comment, CapeClod, but I think T – Paw would also have to have an insipid reality show on The "Learning" Channel before he gets serious attention. And by serious attention, I mean competing with Palin and her fucking endless 15 minutes of fame…
Yeah, what's up with that? Is the fucking timer stuck?
The pilot for "Tim Pawlenty's Minnesota" just didn't take off, mostly because he kept yammering about shutting all the parks down whenever they filmed him in one.
Oh, Cape Clod? Bangkok has him now.
Two shiny whore diamonds or two throbbing blueveined weiners up for Cape Clod!
Take the ice; you can go to P-town anytime for throbbing weiners.
I found Cape Clod on google, and as such I think Cape Clod should be privatized.
mavenmaven, we should keep CapeClod's privates private.
Congrats to CapeClod.
But Wonkettes, Jr., can we rethink that award? Your Great Seal needs more idiocracy, or seals, or Homer.
I could see Breitfart giving out an award accompanied by something like the above.
P.S. I see Twisted Fister™ is making his daily rounds. (Yes, I'm trademarking that one.)
~
Or, he can grow tits and have a brood of useless, law-breaking spawn.
Pawlenty could save himself some cash by just buying the bus.
If you're off the bus in the first place — then it won't make a damn.
♫ Hop on the bus, gus,
You don't need to discuss much.
Just drop off the trim, tim,
And get yourself dim. ♫
While I understand CapeClods noble intents toward T-Paw, he forgets that one of T-Paws greatest undoing is that he has a nice, behaved family. Until he can get his kids knocked up, drunk, or arrested for insider trading, no one will take Pawlenty seriously.
“If he wants to get some attention, he should hire a bus, get a lobotomy and ride around the country misinterpreting US history, BUT THEN QUIT HALF WAY THROUGH.”
There. Fixed.
I can't wait until Benincasa finds out you've been rewarding our behavior.
hey wait! where is sara???
Or the straightest Republican.
Cream of the crap?
I believe that is known as Santorum.
Are you, sir, suggesting that Palin has had cosmetic surgery to make herself more appealing to the tards?
…and there is more coming up in her near future. Sister Sarah is aging fast. Grifting at the international level appears to be quite aging.
Clod. Paging CapeClod on line 1. Clod on 1. Says they have your test results. Line 1.
Wow, Wonkette Jr., do you realize that if we still used the duodecimal system this would be a milestone post for you?
too gross
But how can there be just one best comment? There are usually five or six great lines in the editorial itself. (This is my way of finding out if sucking up counts)
Kudos, CC, or as they say where ever it is you're from, 'Affirmative!'
Yeah, I liked metamarcisf's comment a lot better in that thread. And it got a lot more pee, too. Let's salute our new unnamed Wonkette overlord anyway, for at least acknowledging a good commenter.
So, what's CapeClod's reward?
I say for 24 hours he should get a little bumper sticker added to his posts:
My Comment Is An Honor Student At Poopville College
Along with a set of official Wonkett TRUCKNUTZ.
Poopville College, AKA Wasilla Academy.
I'm hoping the reward is to be personally humiliated by Sarah Benencasa.
And I'm making that bumper sticker myself.
Pawlenty would look so sexy in a little up-do. Add a dry cooter and half a brain and he's the frontrunner just like that.
Oh, and don't be named Tim.
I love you, CapeClod, but he is all three. the only thing he doesn't have is the Wasillabilly pedigree and the pride of failing out of 5 out of 6 colleges.
Six years. Six years of faithful, sycophantic commenting (well, minus that 6 months sulking when Megan got fired).
All that work and what did it get me? Why did I do it?
Back posts full of me in the background. Give 'em love and what does it get ya?
What does it get you? One quick look as each of 'em leaves you.
All your life and what does it get ya? Thanks a lot and out with the garbage,
They take bows and you're battin zero!
Well, someone tell me, when is it my turn?
Don't I get a blog for myself?
Starting now it's gonna be my turn.
Gangway, world, get off of my intertoobz!
Starting now I bat a thousand!
This time, boys I'm taking the bows and
Everything's coming up Tommm!
Everything's coming up Tommmmcatt!
Everything's coming up Tommm!
This time for me!
For me!
…Nobody ever makes my post post of the day. Not even at Jezebel. I'm going to go pout.
Don't fret, Tommmcattt. CapeClod now has to learn how to drink chardonnay and eat shrimp sandwiches at dinner parties. Who needs that crap?
<sob> <sob sob>
It's a total transformation. Now he has to get all kinds of robes and lotions and orgy friends…
yes but aren't a handful of folks *stalking* (excuse me: "Following") you? apart from the spanky2B types… Myself included among them, I added you as among the 1st commenters I started following when this new set-up commenced.. all because of something you wrote way back in the day that cracked my ass up…. no clue or recollection what it was; just rest assured your remarks tend to be Winners in my book.
There! Salve for the bruised ego, do with it as you wish.
You know, there should be a special commenter badge for those of us who predate the Washingtonienne event.
yes.
i've had a crush on you since like 2007.
Lobotomy, ya think that would help? TPaw is already like the walking dead…
Pawlenty can change the debate by demanding that Palin show her tits and prove that she's a woman.
Tim could also use an assload of testosterone and a personality implant, even an obnoxious (I'm thinking about you, Rush) personality would help.
Well, he is a married republican, so I'm guessing that he can think of any number of people from whom he would enjoy an assload of testosterone.
Not sure semen counts, but your point is well taken.
Thank you, that's exactly what I'm thinking.
Heck, that eagle ought to be smoking a bong and shooting a gun like President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho
~
Congrats Cape! I'm glad there's some incentive for us to be wittier — I've been doing waaaaaay too much work lately. But unfortunately I think T-Paw with a lobotomy would be like Newt with (and you know he has one) a penis pump — it's just too late to do any good.
Barring that, he could always go kill Bin Laden. Oh, wait…
Seriously, though, he has go do a Highlander on her if he wants her power of attention-whoring.
Barring that, he could always go kill Bin Laden.
If only someone would let him.
Today we're all a snarky person from New England.
Could Mssr Clodbe the mysterious Wonkette Jr.? Just sayin'
From "T-Paw " to "T-Pwned" in a heartbeat.
Hey Tim. I guess now you'll have to tell 'em
That you've got no cerebellum
Soooooo, we have posts about our comments now? And then comments about the post about the comment about a previous post? Hmmm… I wish I could think of something really witty to say about this.
I hate you I hate you I hate you, you BITCHCongrats on the win, Capester!Kisses,
EQ
It wouldn't hurt if he squirted out a couple of bratty kids to smart off to the reporters, also too.
Dickcember, you forgot Dickcember.
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