Voters are still vaguely suspicious about the whole “Mormon cult” thing and whether Mitt Romney can be both President and a Mormon. A new Quinnipiac University poll proves that only 45 percent of voters have a positive view of Mormonism, and 36 percent of voters declare themselves “uncomfortable” about electing a Mormon, because Mormons believe people maybe used to live on the Moon. That’s not so bad! George W. Bush believes Jesus was on his side in the Iraq War. Besides, Americans already elected a Kenyan Muslim Socialist and hardly anybody seems to care about that. Mittens should talk about this!
“The fact that less than half of voters have a favorable view of the religion is likely to be a political issue that Mitt Romney, and should his campaign catch on, Jon Huntsman, will have to deal with as they pursue the White House,” said Peter Brown, assistant director of the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute.
What can Mittens say to the electorate to convince them he’s a proper white Christian American? Mormonism is weird. So are all religions. Mitt can use that argument, and then promise not to use taxpayer money to build landing pads for Elohim’s spaceship. Or maybe he could just convert to American Christianity, and stop worshiping moon monsters. [McClatchy]
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He'll never convince Republican voters of anything. Look at the pictures and see what he's up against.
http://www.meetup.com/Orlando-Womens-Republican-C...
I'm glad I masturbated earlier today because, after looking at those pictures, my penis won't be standing at attention any time soon.
i'm not sure that club is going to have many members left by 2012.
Nice pics of the ladies, but you'd think a meeting of Transgender Orlando would attract a larger (more persons I mean, the ones there were, no surprise, "People of Wlamart" large) and more attractive crowd.
Those photos make you wonder: does the brain damage due to peroxide poisoning make you become a GeeOPeer, or does becoming a GeeOPeer make you want to brain-damage yourself by peroxide poisoning?
Meetups. Old lady meetups. My mind wanders, and there goes my scrotum.
Hey, not all "old ladies" are like these gasbags! There's lotsa cool, slightly older, ladies, who are fit and funny and sexy.
Needs more "Gold Tablets".
Plates.
Ok. I can believe that he found the plates as this Mormon site proves. What I refuse to believe is that he put them back. No Mormon I've ever met would have done that.
Why do you think Glenn Beck converted to Mormonism.
Also, more "magic underwear". Tambien.
Humans only lived on the moon so they could trap aliens to throw into volcanoes so they could get to the next level. Or some shit.
Wait, isn't that Scientology? My OT VII can kick the Angel Moroni's ass any day!
It's the underware and anointing with oil things that freaks me out. But I wouldn't not vote for because of that. I'm not going to vote for him because he seems like a "flip-flop" douche bag.
Baptism of the Dead. The complete arrogance of thinking that you can dunk some water in the name of someone dead for years and years and totally negate anything that person might have wanted or believed.
Or how about the idea that when you convert an Indian to Mormonism, they become white?
Blood atonement is a delightful doctrine.
Yes, they were doing that to Jews who died in the Holocaust and then agreed to stop and then I heard hey started up again. While I think this practice is total bullshit- it is extremely disrespectful and disdainful of others. Obviously, I am not voting for any GOP thing.
Baptism of the Dead is the greatest religious marketing ploy of all time.
Sure you like the whole Mormon way but you're reluctant to convert because you miss your dear departed Grand-dad – no problem! Just posthumously convert him and he can come along for the ride. It's brilliant.
Are you trying to say George Carlin doesn't appreciate his post-mortal conversion?
I think this would be a good opportunity to see if it is actually possible for spirits to cross back to this world for a visit. Do a conversion on George Carlin, and dollars to donuts, he'd haunt your arse if there was any way possible.
OMG! I'd love for George Carlin to haunt me. He's one of only about 3 stand up's that I actually think are funny.
They can save George for eternity if they want, but they should get ready for an eternity of cussing, sarcasm, and mocking. Don't think they really want that.
You are wrong on the facts. Baptism for the Dead does not negate the individual's agency. They can choose to accept or reject the ordinance if they want.
At any rate, if it's all baloney, why would you care any way?
Actually, I'm not wrong about either. Baptism of the Dead is arrogant. The Indians turn white thing, they've tried to explain that away and it's fallen out of the mainstream, thank goodness.
Why care? It's interesting from a sociological/anthropological perspective. It's amazing what you can get people to believe given a charismatic leader. The whole magic underwear thing, for instance. That sort of thing isn't limited to the Mormons, of course. Lots of groups try to control their adherents' clothes in one way or another.
Depends…
Because Eff off, you crazy, culty, Mormon bastards; that's why!
Oooh. I forgot about turning the Indians white. Redeeming the lost tribe of Israel after their long exile in Amurika. Excellent.
"I'm not going to vote for him because he seems like a "flip-flop" douche bag."
Seems?!!! Mitt has probably convinced Americans that Mormans are a bunch of serial panderers.
He didn't even have to flip-flop for me to think he's a douchbag.
I'm surprised that as many as 45% have a positive feeling about the Mormons. If they knew how crazy reactionary they are, and willing to modify their religion to mollify their critics, they'd be really scared.
"and willing to modify their religion to mollify their critics"
Well, these people must really hate Buddhism, then.
Because as the Dali Lama says, they change their religion every time they find out (using Science, Logic and Facts) that they are wrong…
Yeah, but changing because you are wrong is one thing. Changing because it is politically expedient (ie getting Utah into the Union) is another, especially when you don't really believe in the change. While similar chameleon-like behavior is how Christianity came to dominate Europe, most Christians will try to smite you if you mention it, so it would creep them out about Mormons.
Ah, yes.
The old "A wink is as good as a nod to a blind man"…
When did they decide the Bible was the word of Gawd, just like the Book of Mormon is?
Not until around 400, well after Christianity had taken over the Roman Empire.
At least the Buddhists aren't using their monies to affect the outcome of a public election.
does "meh" qualify as positive? that could explain it.
You mean "how willing to PRETEND to modify their religion, and then lie about it, to mollify their critics."
I'm honestly surprised that Mormons still affiliate themselves with the Republiklan Party, since they are roundly despised by Fundamentalist and Evangelical Xtians.
I'm not religious at all, and even I think Mormonism is strange (kind of like Scientology but with less Tom Cruise). So guess you can't blame the Christiany Christians for being a bit weirded out.
One of their issues is that Joseph Smith presented stories of events that can be checked for accuracy. A giant battle between white and dark Indians in a specific field in New York State? Go, dig around the field and find zero evidence of a battle. No arrowheads, no other physical evidence at all.
Shit, thats nothing; Smith bought a mummy from a travelling carnival, unwrapped it, and found a manuscript of The Book of the Dead (pretty much standard for this to be found in a mummy's wrappings). He declared he had the original manuscript of The Gospel of Joseph, written by the very hand of Joseph, yes, Jesus' step-dad. Then he pretended to translate the hieroglyphs. Ooops, real egyptologists can also translate! So, in response, BYU has the worlds most renowned department of Fake Egyptian, dedicated to misreading hieroglyphics to preserve the fraud of Joseph Smith.
actually it was the book of Abraham, not Joseph. you know what's awesome? On the back of that manuscript they decided to draw the blueprints for the first temple in Kirtland. Weird right?
He also predicted the Civil War 30 years before it happened, stating that it would start with South Carolina, the South would try and enlist the aid of Great Britain, and that slaves would rise up and fight against their masters. The revelation is dated December 25, 1832.
http://lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/87?lang...
Honestly, none of that was all that hard to predict. South Carolina has been looney from the get-go.
Seriously?
This wasn't one of those vague Nostradamus quatrains. There's a level of specificity there that might be plausible 5 years out, but a full 30 years before, it's quite remarkable. The Nullification Crisis was in full swing, and so sure, South Carolina was in the news. But that was over tarrifs, and was a very local issue, with no mention of any kind of secession or confederacy. Henry Clay wouldn't get on the war path for another decade, as everyone thought the Missouri Compromise was going to keep things together. ('Twas the Messican Wars and subsequent expansion that doomed us, and those were far in the future as well in 1832).
I'm just pointing out that people out there happen to think Joseph Smith isn't full of shit, and they're not all dupes and morons, and things like this give them some basis for their beliefs.
I'll see your LDS-slanted reference and raise you one cult-watch-slanted reference: http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_con...
ALL religions are based on fantasy. It's only time that has made them more acceptable. Come on, a magic man that comes back to life and floats to heaven? Totally insane 2,000 years ago and could get you killed for believing in it (good call I say!). Now widely believed, espoused, proselytized and a litmus test for elected office. Magic tablets with the secret history of American Jesus, again, totally insane and would get you killed 200 years ago, now more or less accepted, but people just thing you're a bit odd. Invisible space-alien spirits effecting our thought pattern due to imprinted memories after they were killed by atomic-bomb blown up volcanoes: Viewed as insane and stupid over the last 50 years, but no body is getting killed for those beliefs. Give 'em 200 years and it'll be as valid a religion as any. I haz a sad now.
I'm on the cutting edge. I've accepted Spongebob Squarepants as my Lord and Savior. All hail The Porous One!
Personally, I like the idea of having underpants with special powers, having eleventeen wives, having my own planet when I die and basing my entire worldview on unreadable inscriptions on missing golden plates. That stuff is cool. It sort of dovetails nicely with all the entertaining Star Trek/Star Wars/Lord of the Rings stuff that I loved as a kid. I like all that stuff.
It's Mitt that I don't like.
Being personally married to one wife, I can't imagine having more than one. What a lot of work!
Its easier to have other people's wives.
This is good news for John Ensign.
The trouble really comes when each wife has at least one mother! You don't want to think about the holidays.
Yeah if only Mitt could get a mullet or something, or wear black t-shirts & skinny jeans, or just start using the f-bomb nonstop. He'd win at least 40 states.
Mmm, the mullet and skinny jeans would get him the Hockey States vote and not much else.
Fuckin' Mormans comming to my house on a Saturday while I'm trying to watch porn…..THAT'S HOW YOU LOST MY VOTE.
Now now, there's nothing wrong with inviting some fapfuckingTASTICALLY hot Mormon missionaries into your home for a bit of spirited badinage.
With Mitt, otoh, I'd have to swear out a restraining order.
"Fuckin' Mormons" is right! That's how their families get so large. It's the only vice they allow themselves. Aside from bigotry.
vice?
Well, in Weiner's case it surely is a vice. Oh, that's right, he never actually had any physical relationship with those women.
Or when you finally get a damn day to sleep in because the kids are at sleepovers/overdosed on melatonin. That's the worst.
Answering the door nekkid with a beer in your hand at 10:00 in the morning is a pretty good deterrent.
I keep a bong by the door for just such emergencies. Want to talk God? Let's smoke some herb first!
I must be too down-market – all I ever get are Jehovah's Witnesses.
And in my neighborhood, they all speak Spanish.
I'm surprised that most Republican voters would have any problem voting for an adherent of a religion revealed by an angel named "Moron(i)".
'Specially since their favorite novel is "I Moron", by Ayn Rand.
I cannot and will not trust a member of any religion that prohibits the consumption of caffeine. Moon monsters, eh, fucking whatever.
And alcohol too also… right?
Fuck that shit!
Thank you.
Romney would do better if he tweeted a pic of himself in his holy underwear. [spit!] That would make the country stand up and take notice. Win the election with your erection, that's how I roll. [spit!]
Listen, skoalrebel, there's a congressional district in NY I need you to move to….
This is Baconzgood's religion!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRFxW3rUQrg
For what it's worth, I think all religions are equally valid. Some are stupider and newer, and fly in the face of even more facts than others, but that's really splitting hairs.
Pretty sure Pastafarianism is better and more valid.
I've heard good things about the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Scientology too.
EDIT: Ooops, didn't realize they were the same thing!
UNTRUE LIES
You can get on the pirate ship without the $300K "donation".
Well, Pastafarianism and Scientology have much in common in that they hold some exceedingly bizarro tenets as gospel truth.
I prefer Pastafarianism's honesty over scientology's earnestness, however. Pastafarianism doesn't pretend not to be a big joke.
Right up until there's a schism over gluten-free fettucine, and then the meatballs (or TVP balls, even) will start flying.
The ones that recruit should be abolished.
That's all, everything else is cool (as long as anyone can walk away anytime they want).
Oh, but the recruiters are so much fun to mess with. There's nobody I'd rather see at my front door on a Saturday morning than some earnest JWs who I can tell I'm an atheist and then go on about how the LORD isn't actually real. Even better with a mimosa in hand, but I can't always manage that before I open the door.
You can do like my older sister did when she was a teenager: answer the door, invite the JW in, then say excuse me, I left a pot on the stove, and head off to the kitchen.
I happened to be in the kitchen, and when I asked her if she felt a draft, she said, "Yeah there's a Jehovah standing in the doorway."
Then we went up the back stairs, went around to the front stairs (with a view of the front door) and hid around the corner, peeping out at the JW standing there fidgeting until she left. Took about 15 minutes.
The whole idea that some guy who lived 2000 years ago was born to a virgin and was the son of god and also god himself is just as ridiculous as any doctrines in Mormonism or Scientology. And that's without getting into the old testament – the idea that anyone actually believes in the story of Noah's Ark boggles my mind, Santa Claus is more plausible.
What separates Mormonism and Scientology from the older religions is that, as they have been developed recently, we know their actual origins, which makes their ridiculousness more obvious than the traditional religions', with their history shrouded in time. But all are equally silly and unbelievable when looked at with a skeptical eye.
I don't think it's splitting haris at all. Some religions are far more literal than others and that has real life consequences, mostly for people outside of that religion.
Republicans feel more comfortable with the Book of Moran (yes, the Bible…there, I said it).
"people maybe used to live on the Moon"
Well, I heard men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
# MARS NEEDZ MOAR WIMMENS!
What I have heard is that Mars Needs Guitars.
Maybe he should have his people start spreading rumors that he's actually Muslim. If there's anything republicans love more than Mormons, it's Muslims, right?
The thing is, the guy doesn't appear to really BELIEVE, unalterably, in anything. A "What do I need to say here," kind of guy.
He believes – I mean really BELIEVES – that Mitt Romney should be President of the United States.
You are right. I forgot about that. He believes in that.
Yeah, but most Mormons is white, ain't they? (I mean look what they did to Gladys Knight! No Pips!)
Yeah, because literally consuming the flesh and blood of your messiah every time you go to church is perfectly reasonable and not weird at all. I'm looking at you, Newt.
At least Jesus goes well with a bit of red wine. I prefer Two Buck Chuck with my Savior.
With the fucktarded and the pigfuckers, it has always been thus; metaphors are lost on them, they take everything literally, even the bible, the last thing in the world to take literally.
Well there was that period where saying it was a metaphor would get you burned at the stake.
Mormons do that too, but it's just water and small pieces of bread.
Don't look directly at Newt. That fat white marshmallow can blind you.
♪♫ Two, four, six,
ateeight, time to transubstantiate ♫♪Maybe Mittens can have Arlo Gutherie write him a campaign song about Mountain Meadows Massacre.
Is the rubber glove so he won't get his hands dirty when he and his Koch friends fist us? And is that the significance of the fudge sign? Or, is that so he can handle Anthony's Weiner?
Yes, Americans would never, ever vote for a person who believes in wacky nonsense. Like, say, an invisible man who knocked up a Jewish teenager (without fucking her) with his son (who was also him) so that he might become a man who would then die to (somehow) save us from eternal punishment (that he himself meted out and could rescind at any time) and then became a zombie and went up into the sky on a cloud (to sit at the right hand of his father who is also himself) and now occasionally appears in cheese sandwiches, in water stains on Mexican people's windows, and to influence the outcome of Notre Dame football games.
We Americans are far too smart to elect anyone who believes nonsense like THAT.
Gosh. When you say it like that, you make it sound all myth-y.
It is not just that it is Crazeee ™; it's that it is the wrong Crazee ™.
Don't forget that he made us with a hole that only He Him It can fill. Also, why won't He Him It heal any amputees? He Him It cures cancer, causes a tornado to just kill a few members of a family etc. Surely growing a few limbs is within He Him It's skill set.
He Him It works in mysterious ways.
Yeah, but Mormonism has most of all of that, and with extra crazy spinkled on top.
These two aren't mutually exclusive. It seems every time this faith (Judaism or whatever the hell it was before it was that) is copied, each copy gets more defective.
But Beckers likes him!
Butt Beckers?
How does that work?
It's the stuff like this that's a little freaky to most Murrikans.
Especially how they believe God and Jeebus are two separate beings.
http://growabrain.typepad.com/photos/uncategorize...
Many times I've heard Sheer uh "Am i uh An idiot?" uh InSannity mock the Rev. Louis Farrakan and some of his statements and beliefs. I've never once heard him question any of the Morman beliefts.
Geez – that couldn't be because of some sort of Black & white thing, could it?
Well, it could also be because Elijah Mohammad's invented religion, based on the story that white people are evil androids invented by a black mad scientist, is actually crazier than Mormonism and Scientology put together in a blender and then the mix explained to you by Sarah Palin.
My new religion will have a stoner Medusa with a five-hundred hitter bong for each of the little snakey heads, the Evil Blonde Helmut as the obligatory bad guychick, and sheep that can cook for the lonesome cowboys-their food sucks, but the sex isn't b-a-a-a-a-d.
And Mitten's mouth will be Pat Roberton's kitty litter box, because the crap coming out of his mouth is a bad as, well, you know. meOWWW!
I see a video game and a series of movies here.
THIS IS A CHRISTIAN NATION!*
*Excluding Mormons, Unitarians, Quakers, Mennonites, Catholics, Seventh Day Adventists, Jehovah Witnesses…and the other heathen teachings.
At least with the Unitarians, that is all right, as they exclude themselves.
We won't vote for them neither!
Quinnipiac University?
Hell, I'll wait for the Poll results from Miskatonic University.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn, ya'll
"You're dead father has been lobotomized."
If Mitt's the guy that the suits want, then that's probably who the goopers are going to go with.
As long as it's someone their reichtard base hates so much that they don't show up to vote in 2012, I'll laugh and cheer.
The FSM knows the Democrats are crappy enough all by themselves, without having teatard pols as an excuse to become even more craven corporate whores.
~
He just has to kiss ass until the South Carolina primary is over. If he can score in the top two there, he thinks he has the nomination locked up. Then the GOP will rally around him, underwear and all as they try to win NC, Ind, Wsc & PA, with his trusty VP sidekick, Michele Bachmann (R) (Knucklehead). So, I don't think Hillary as VP is that unlikely.
A.J. Deonne speculated the other day on NPR that if Bachmann does well in Iowa, the Republican establishment will freak out and get behind Mittens in a big way.
Giant steps are what we take…. walking on the moon.
Bumper sticker for 2012:
Romney: at least he's not a Scientologist.
that's better than mine: Mitt Happens.
"Mormons believe people maybe used to live on the Moon"
Reformed Mormons believe people used to live on a secret sound stage in Arizona.
Wow that's the most logical thing I've read all week. Upfist!
There's that damn 36 percent again. Wonder what the Venn diagram of them, the 36 percent who still approved of W by 2006 and the 36 percent that think Palin is qualified to be President? I know a perfect circle is a theoretical construct, but this just might be close.
I'm not sure how the Venn would work out, but I can sure as hell tell you what color it is.
Do you think the Moran-36 know white is all the colors?
36% is how many beeves are in Taco Bell meat. Is there a connection here, too, also, likewise??
Don't forget the invisible hand (famous for its starring role in Yellow Submarine).
I demand to see his magic underwear. Only then will I feel comfortable voting for him. He can tweet me @MicheleBachmann immediately.
I don't object to Mormonism on religious grounds, but on aesthetic ones. I mean, "Mormonetics" and "Battlefield Utah" both totally sucked as literature, if I'm remembering correctly.
Needz moar Carthage City Gaol – hanging morans, not chads.
Mittens doesn't scare me. What scares me is the millions of young Mormon minions riding around on their mountain bicycles wearing short-sleeve shirts with ties passing out church literature and reminding me why as a old, Southern baptist I'm doomed. Shit kids, I was doomed a long time ago.
If only George W. Bush had thought that Jesus was on his side on his war against the Moon, this country would be way cooler.
glad to see junior has the keys to the wonkette photo vault.
just make sure you keep the santorum family meltdown handy. we have some good times ahead.
You're talking about the one in the cape, with the (unfortunately) translucent top?
It looks to me like last year's feathers, which for some reason she didn't shed (molt?) even after the new ones started coming in.
I was an Episcopalian in a Mormon Boy Scout troop (with my two Catholic friends). Once we were camping on a fasting day of some kind. All the Mormon Scouts were bitching and moaning and eating toothpaste, while we heathens were dining most sumptuously. Hah!
mor-mon
nom-rom
rom-ney
mo-ney
It's all starting to make sense now. Where'd that chalkboard go?
Why do you hate the Hendricksons?
Hrm. A prophet after Jesus. Multiple wives. Throw in a little bit of women's subservience. Sounds Muslin to me.
America is still waiting for Mitt Romney to tell us if
his wifeall of his wives are "sports".Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink…
Qu-inn-inn-ipp-i
But will we ever have a Pastafarian president? Mittens may well be paving the road.
Wonkette Jr.'s alt-text mojo leaves something to be desired.
I call bullshit. (God, I've been waiting a long time to call bullshit. Finallly!) "The 3 branches of Wisconsin government" was alt-text awesome.
Awesome perhaps, but it was also recycled from pre-Junior days. You can look it up!
Really? Re-cycled? That's as bad as lying about dick pics! Worse, maybe even. And, dammit, I NEVER get to call bullshit. (Pouting).
Hey, give me a thumb already…that downfisty cunt lurks in the replies, asshole.
[Post-Hoc: Gracias por sus dados! Oh, and you can call bullshit any time you like, friend. The only question is whether it will come when you call it.]
I am creeped out by the Mormons, as well, mainly because I have 2 friends who were raised as LDS and when they came out they were excommunicated or whatever the hell they do to the gheys.
If, by 'excommunicated' you mean 'drawn and quartered, then burned, then the ashes mixed spent reactor rod dust,' then yes, you're spot on.
Though to be fair, aside from the mincing hippy denominations, who doesn't do that? Oh, and don't get me started on the 'Mormon doctrine is too weird' stuff.
I was raised Catholic and I know from weird. Ask a priest sometime to explain the intricate wonders of the concept called 'limbo.'
Lizzie knows Limbo, Owls, I too am a lased Catholic.
I didn't know you had cataracts, old thing.
On the limbo thing, we tortured our catechism nuns mercilessly on that:
"What if, just before he dies, the baby bites his sister? How about if he dies halfway through his baptism, does half of him go to limbo and half to heaven? Or if he bit someone, would the other half go to limbo?"
And the funny thing is that we were genuinely perplexed by the loopholes. You could see the whole Swiss cheese conceptual foundation when you were like six years old.
One of the nuns at my grade school once told us (at about ten years old) that, if we were with an unbaptized baby who started choking or otherwise seemed in danger of death, we should give them an emergency baptism so they can go to heaven. Before trying to save them. I think that little lesson helped push me on the road to atheism.
Oh you mock my inadequate typing and break my heart.
Christianity® Beta Release QA FAIL.
You must be extraordinarily lapsed (or, perhaps, lased).
Nearly twenty-four years ago, I married a Catholic-raised lass. Although, as it happened, we were eventually wed by a minister of the Church of Religious Science, there was a period during which a Catholic wedding was possible, and so I hauled my lapsed-Presbyterian ass into a series of (surprisingly enjoyable) training-to-marry-a-Catholic sessions.
Quite early on, I asked about Limbo, and was informed (as I have subsequently verified) that Vatican 2 made Limbo a "nevermind". There is no such thing, there has never been such a thing, it was all just a
hallucinationunfortunate misconception by some Pope or another.Apparently, Purgatory was a scam, too.
Ok, so he's not a real Christian – but at least he's white, that has to count for something, right?
I wish any religious involvement in politics scared our stupid populace!
Well at least he's not a joo or a mooslim, or a methodist! Amirite?
How many 1st ladeeez?
Call me a racist but I don’t trust Mormons. From experience I’ve found some of them can justify fucking you over in the name of religion. Although just about any religion has pulled that crap at some time. Atheist for president!
Hear! Hear! Monsieur!
The more religious they are, the more hypocritical they become.
I would trust an atheist WAY sooner than a religious zealot. Atheist for President!
Atheist/Pastafarian 2012!
Thomas Jefferson did a pretty good job as President, it's about time for another one.
Whatever you might be called for blindly distrusting Mormons, "racist" has to be wrong.
"Lamanite", "Catholic", or "Mason" are possibilities.
Malice's Restuarant?
Mitt has three words for all of you who make fun of his alien ancestors:
"Klaatu barada nikto"
Is VERY BAD to drink Jobu's rum. Very bad.
Evangelicals believe that Mormons drink the blood of little Christian babies – just like Liberals and Jews do.
That's a blood libel– oh, wait. I thought you were talking about Sarah Palin. Nevermind.
"What can Mittens say to the electorate to convince them he’s a proper white Christian American?"
How about "Hey, I'm not Muslin or a Lion and I like to screw little boys in bathroom stalls while wearing a diaper and choking them and yelling 'green balloons!' while high on pain pills and while my wife has cancer/is paralyzed/etc!" That should pretty well do it.
Needz moar infant bayoneting.
Or a Sikh, Buddhist monk or Guarani shaman, for that matter.
Or Siths, particularly since they always travel in twos. Hey… waaaaaiiit a minute….
What does the Angel Moroni have to say about this?
I want a Cargo Cult president.
Off topic, I know, but
http://gawker.com/5809909/anthony-weiners-cock-sh...
Cock a doodle doo!
Needs Mormitt.
In my opinion, anyone who ties a dog to the top of a station wagon is morally unqualified to hold any public office.
All Obama has to do is run ads showing him playing with a perky, healthy, happy go lucky Bo on the White House lawn. Contrast that image with Romney driving a station wagon 80 miles per hour down the interstate with a shit covered dog tied to the roof.
I'm looking forward to Amurikka leaning more about mad prophet Norman Talmage (mad may be the LDS term for him) and the fact that the Mormon founders were space aliens. http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1800263761/info
>What can Mittens say to the electorate to convince them he’s a proper white Christian American?
"I also believe that Jesus will being me to heaven after after exterminating the Jews."
I happen to live in a neighborhood full of Mormons, and I gotta tell you they are NOT people you want to live around. They are very cliquish and unfriendly toward the "gentiles." They are full of shit, as far as I'm concerned.
Just once, I wish a candidate for political office stand up and say, "Religion is bullshit. I do not believe in any of it. Well, maybe the Flying Spaghetti Monster."
Atheist / Pastafarian 2012!.
What's with the delay here Wonkette Jr.? Don't you know your job is to satisify US. Appease us because if we taddle on you to Ken……We don't want to do that.
Dane Cook and Carrot Top actually.
Plus, according to Mormonism, heaven is your own vast expanse of private property. Afterlife = rugged individualism.
I'll still go with Huntsman over Romney. (Daughters > sons.)
I'd accept "Get Mitt first".
Glad to know the "no religious test for office" Constitutional clause is still getting completely ignored by everyone.
American's = Americans. Ah, genitive/plural/contraction confusion.
Mormons are weird! Unlike Christians who have normal beliefs like that a supernatural being that no one has ever seen had a child and the child grew up on Earth and after turning water into wine and feeding 10'000 people with 5 fishes got killed but then undeaded himself after 3 days and that a former Young Nazi who did his best to protect pedophiles around the world is that god's representative on Earth.
Nothing weird about that.
Well, the Saints do also propose that the supernatural being also revealed the entire screenplay to some dude, 600 years before it happened, and that this guy's offspring settled some large fraction of Central/North America for hundreds of years until they were all undetectibly exterminated by the "child" you mention (occasionally referred to as "The Prince of Peace").
Except that, 1800 years later, a subsidiary supernatural being revealed the REAL deal to some early-19th-cen slacker.
Mormons aren't any weirder than any other religious believers, but they are dupes.
Ya know why LSDMorooms are scary? They took over Las Vegas from the freakin' Mob!
There is a very accurate and detailed non-fiction book about that, called "American Tabloid."
http://www.amazon.com/American-Tabloid-Novel-Jame...
"Most Voters Still Very Weirded Out By Scary Mormons."……and with good reason.
Mormonism is weird. So are all religions.
In my youth I believed that all religions were equally ridiculous; then I attended a Scientology orientation.
WIN
"White House, wait! Come back, White House! Come Back!"
But to Kenyan Muslim Socialists get to be gods of their own personal planet when they die? Well, do they? Hunh, do they?
So, is Mitts ambitious enough to change his religion? Get converted by Rod Parsley or some other creepy evangelist?
Let's quit beating around the (dubya) bush. Most religions are weird. Some are definitely more strange than others. I mean, the Mormon's have to get some prize for taking the already bizarre story of the birth of god to a virgin Jewish mother and making it even more unbelievable, right?
I mean, if you saw some homeless dude singing The Great Gig in the Sky on the street corner, and another homeless dude singing The Great Gig in the Sky on the opposite corner whilst shitting himself, which one would you give your attention to?
As weird as they are, at least the old established religions arose prior to Francis Bacon and the scientific method. Not sure what Scientology's and Mormonism's excuses are.
BTW, Romney totally lost the Tea Party. Mormons can't associate themselves with caffiene, so he can kiss their asses goodbye. And, he can't be the dude you want to have a beef with, because Mormons can't associate themselves with spirits. So, who's left?
Mm, the Americanism was Joe's whole point. Well, originally. Then he expanded into fucking his disciples' women.
Mormonism's great strength is its emphasis on family and community. A couple of adult friends have converted, looking for a sense of belonging and an order to things. Mormonism is really good at that. You just have to realize that along with that comes some wackiness.
Of course, my religion (even if I exist on the heathenous fringes of it) has its wackiness, too. Viewing bone fragments and vials of "blood" as sacred falls in that category for sure. People going up mountains on their knees or barefoot, that's wacky. Old men in gilded palaces dictating reproduction to me, very "wacky". I do like the smell of incense, though, and the gold looks pretty in the candlelight.
Mmm incense
Imagine if we could get patchouli in the Sistine Chapel. WIN!
Incense is awesome. I got so high at my daughter's confirmation last week. I'd forgotten why I actually liked being an altar boy, way back when, before lapsing.
Just don't tell your Catholic friends that they got the whole incense thing from early Jews, who got it from worshipers of Baal, trying to add a little pizzazz and funky aroma to their goat slaughters.
I liked it more because we'd get out of St. Mary's for a while to serve weekday funerals. Oh, and tips at weddings!
Hmm, I'm beginning to think my faith was not terribly deep-rooted.
AND THERE'S THE PIRATE SHIP.
Why does everybody dismiss the pirate ship?
Chiding. Gentle chiding, my lovely.
Is this like a Citizen's Arrest?
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