Professional whiner nutcase Glenn Beck announced that he will charge a monthly five-dollar subscription fee for viewers to log in to his latest online vanity project, GBTV.com. Does anyone even have five dollars anymore? Maybe some quarters in the couch cushions. What will a Glenn Beck fan get in exchange for putting off the trip to the laundromat for another week? It is probably the most brilliant idea in the history of television: video feed of Glenn Beck delivering his (free, syndicated) radio show. Worth every penny.
Is anyone in the world better at the media business than Glenn Beck? He’s the best salesman ever. Here he is selling the network to the readers of the New York Times:
“If you’re a fan of Jon Stewart, you’re going to find something on GBTV that you’re going to enjoy,” Mr. Beck said. “If you’re a fan of ‘24,’ you’re going to find something on GBTV that you’re going to enjoy.”
Take note, fans of liberal comedy and motion-sickness-inducing terrorist-hunting melodramas. Glenn Beck sitting in a chair delivering his radio show will be better than all that. [NYTimes/ GBTV Schedule]
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… until Seal Team Six raids his compound.
Meh, one Seal on his offday on his way to the liquor store could take out Glenn no problem, and not even have any pit stains to show for it.
Accept for the moving of the body.
I'll let him blow me for 5 dollars.
It would cost considerably more to let that man near my penis.
It's a standing offer. I say, "Suck my dick, Glenn," every time I see/hear him.
I'd pay $5 to watch that. Thats pretty much the new American economy, isn't it? The great Circle of Porn.
I wish I had $5. All my money went to Goldline.
The Cycle Jerk.
"I'll let him blow me for 5 dollars."
Be sure and hammer out his remaining teeth first.
“If you’re a fan of Jon Stewart, you’re going to find something on GBTV that you’re going to enjoy,” Mr. Beck said.
I doubt it. I would rather watch Jon Stewart make fun of Glenn on The Daily Show.
The moran show tremendous cajones, comparing himself to Jon Stewart.
I won't even pay for on-line porn, why the hell would I pay for that?
Especially when paying for Glenn Beck will make you feel all seedy and gross.
and no happy ending
Apparently, only mormons pay for online porn, and Beck? A mormon. Coincidence? I think not; we're through the looking glass here, people, the enchanting, exquisite, and exhilirating looking glass.
So you're saying Beck will be doing Mormon hardcore on the radio interwebs? Sounds difficult to fap to.
Should I pay in gold, seeds or crazy?
Ameros!
Chickens.
Yes.
Cats (to be traded in for gold)
Five dollars will get you a bottle of Chuck Shaw, with enough change for cheese and crackers to go with Beck's whine…
I only pain I pay for is at the dentist's. There's no way I'd pay to listen to and/or look at Glenn Beck.
Every $5 spent on cable fees is $5 that can’t be spent on ammunition and canned goods.
Or a sandwich on the flight to Israel.
What will a Glenn Beck fan get in exchange for putting off the trip to the laundromat for another week?
Not laid.
As if there were any hope for that anyway.
Now if it was LGBTV, I'd be down with it.
That's how I first read it. What's the "V" for anyway?
and here I thought Conservatives were against Human cloning …..
Will Baba Booey be their?
Hey, I'll pay $5 to see Jared Loughner exercise his 2nd Amendment Solution (TM) on Glenn Beck…
Chalkboards included?
"monthly five-dollar"
the liberal media were misquoting Glenn,, he actually said "monthly five Ameros"
Soon, he'll be blowing people for quarters. Maybe the system works.
I have to ask though…are those pictures shopped?
I know, right? They seem 'shopped. But I really don't think they are.
They are shopped. Kudos to Wonkette Jr.!! This is a clear step above the Blingee that lazy Jack would splatter on everything. (Tip to Wonkette Jr.: get Ken's offer in writing, and ask about the pension plan!)
Yes – do ask about the pension plan. I bet you'll need a good laugh working there…
Yes they are. I did it and posted in Gawker months ago.
Very similar to the mashup I made and briefly used as my avatar back then.
I know it seems like they are Photoshopped, but it is actually simply the kindred spirit, shining through.
To be fair to he with the face for radio, a 47-blackboard hallucinatory descent into madness plays better when you can see it.
I'm thumbing this just for "hallucinatory descent" alone. Wordsmithy. (And yes I'm aware "just" and "alone" probably are redundant together, but, meh.)
I'd pay not to listen. But thankfully I can do that for free.
And puppets! Everyone loves puppets!
Now show us on the puppet where Glenn Beck touched you, Zoomie…
I…wait…I never…it was…wait…I…my god…oh, my god! I remember…
IT WASN'T A CHICKEN! IT WAS A BABY!!!!!
This week on a Very Special 'Touched by a Baby'…
+1 for the M*A*S*H reference.
With your $5 per month subscription fee, see Glenn write on the New & Improved™ Whiteboard with Scentless Markers!™
“If you’re a fan of ‘24,’ you’re going to find something on GBTV that you’re going to enjoy.”
When Beck saws the head off a guest and carries it around in a duffel-bag, I'll be the first to sign up.
I'd rather see a guest saw off Beck's head and put it in a duffel bag.
/not actually advocating violence
From the picture, it looks like he's already done that.
Jon Stewart + 24 != GBTV
Those who pay richly deserve what they will get.
This is only pennies a day!
…the cost of a cup of coffee.
Lessee…feed a poor kid in Africa or pay Glenn Beck 5 bucks…hrm…
feed Glenn Beck to poor kids in Africa.
His carcass would take care of a good sized village for a few months.
I already send my guilt money to the ASCPA in the hopes that they will pull that Sarah McLachlan commercial off the air.
Unlike WeinerTweets, which are only penises a day.
In the immortal words of Steve Martin: "I can come in here for five dollars! What happens?"
So we'll get to see him vomit into a bucket when Meagan McCain's naked body gets mentioned?
Will he at least be in his Subservient Chicken costume?
I have a cordless fucksaw; we can just take it straight to wherever she parks that bus at night. And instead of a studio, we just get O'Keefe to follow us around. Everything's mobile now. Matrixed teams. Embrace the future.
The Milwaukee FukzAll?
I have an authentic Milwaukee Super Sawzall of course, but that's AC power only. My cordless is a Craftsman 19.2 volt; matching my other cordless tools.
The fucksaw gets a bad name from mouth breathers who strap a dildo on a sawblade with a hose clamp, ignoring the fact that the primary use of a reciprocating saw is to effortlessly saw through any material. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME
Instead, get this: http://www.kenstwistedmind.com/Fucking-Machines/K…
Wow. Just how many domains does Ken Layne own? He sure is busy.
Oh shit I outed him
You know, I don't think we'd heard anything from or about Glenn Beck for quite some time; and I was very glad about that.
If you're a fan of cock shots that vault over your spamblocker only to be opened by your kids, you’re going to find something on GBTV that you’re going to enjoy.
The Crying Glenda Radio Hour, a powerful and poignant story of love, loss and self discovery..
But this makes no sense. Obviously there is a mistake. Why would Glenn put up a wall between the God Fearing People of the United States and there leading Savior and the Great Protector of Israel! Why would he charge and keep people from hearing the truth?
Unless…, George Soros and the Federal Reserve have gotten to him and are using him to suck all the money from his followers to prevent them from buying gold! It is just what the love child of Stalin and Hitler would have done!
You know who else charged $5 for access to video of their radio broadcasts?
Father Coughlin?
Don't you mean "deutsche marks"?
With Beck, I'm pretty sure it is "douche marks."
Or surveyors' marks.
Amos and Andy? It was a disasterous idea, by the way, since the title characters were played by white guys on the radio.
James O'Keefe?
cue creepy coincidence music. . .see below
The New York Times?
The Battling Bickersons?
I don't understand. Can you put it on a blackboard?
With Puppets too.
Sounds like its going to be some enchanting, exquisite, and exhilirating television; sign me up!
And thus, a new meme is born.
Junior, that picture is fucking creepy.
I don't know. I kept buying these fucking certificates.
I wouldn't read this doughy pig if the subscription came with a year's worth of daily blow jobs.
You are a young man, aren't you? There will come a time, when you will rethink what you would do for a years worth of daily blow jobs.
A week's worth of blowjobs in a lifetime. Like dust in the wind.
I was young when Times Square was a prairie.
Oh, ok, you've gone off the other end of the spectrum then, sorry.
My little friend literally shuddered at the thought of that creature's mouth slobbering all over him…
Bunny Lebowski?
Graham Dalton?
$5 that's all? Beck can't catch up with that other radio whack job radio preacher Harold Camping at only $5 a month.
It's a special introductory rate, good for three months, after which time automatic debits in amounts greater than the monthy anus burger allowance will continue ad infinitum.
The prospects of my watching either GBTV, or LGBTV, are greatly reduced. As a white male, I'd rather just watch a couple of L's, thank you.
"It's not TV it's insane bull shit"
-The HBO Voice-
Send me $4 and I will reveal the secret of how to make money over the internet. For and additional $1, I will unveil a way that YOU can hear Glenn Beck for FREE without charge. Hurry. This special offer from Gold Line will not last long.
If you're a fan of the movie, "Eraserhead" you're goonna fuckin' love GBTV!
No, and don't call me Shirley!
Graham Dalton?
If you’re a fan of train wrecks, you’re going to find something on GBTV that you’re going to enjoy.
If you’re a fan of stuff films, you’re going to find something on GBTV that you’re going to enjoy.
Like German Poop Porn?
Well GBTV is for you!
Also, I would think the downfister would move away from the computer and go out and get a second job so that he, she, or it can pay to watch Beck's rantings. (Upfists to everyone to make up for that time – wasting wuss.)
What happened to my p's? Glenn, was that you??
Overton windows
Megs McCain?
I think the shark has jumped Glenn.
It's as clear as the bell they rang when Paul Revere invented stainless steel cookware to avoid the British tax on cast iron.
Linda Lovelace?
If you are a fan of Andy Warhol films like "Sleep" and "Empire State Building" then you will find something on GBTV that you are going to "enjoy".
I started with except… went back but since you "replied" I can't change it now… thanks a friggin' lot… Bot. This is the one I catch others in too, to, two.
(I'm usually doing the same… correcting others… but hey, I can let it go man!)
Oh, I no it was justice silly era, butt it was two tempting.
(I'm too reliant on spellcheck and always making typos that are still real words and not noticing)
Oh… I have noticed… I have noticed…
Ship hatpins.
I use that side by side photo for my home e-mail signature. Its amazing how quickly the anti-Obama e-mails stopped coming to me once I started hitting Reply All and sending it back out.
If you like the Who, you're sure to enjoy Glenn Beck.
I hear theres a real cliff-hanger at the end of series 1: he falls off the chair onto his fat ass – WILL HE GET UP AGAIN????
I hope what he meant was that the show, as in 24, would air for only 24 episodes, and that, as The Daily Show, it would be on past my bedtime so I wouldn't be awake to watch it.
If you're a fan of genital warts, you're going to find something on GBTV that you're going to enjoy.
"“If you’re a fan of Jon Stewart, you’re going to find something on GBTV that you’re going to enjoy,”"
We'll see those same clips on the Daily Show later that night as Stewart rips him to shreds. Is he so narcissistic that he doesn't realize the only attention he gets from those fans is to mock him? (Yes, I already know the answer).
But man is that a great picture. Speaking of which, Beck has never DENIED being at the Arizona shooting. What does he have to hide? Why won't he simply say that he wasn't there and that he didn't pull the trigger? Glenn and Jared both have the letter "e" in them too. CONSPIRACY!
Doesn't matter. For Glenn all publicity really is good publicity. Because, really, consider his alternatives. Not pretty.
That subscription price will just be a cost of doing business for Wonkette, cartoonists and Stephen Colbert.
This is just like being undercover, and having to get high.
In the photo is that Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dummer?
Who isn't?
Will I get to see him cry?
I know… silly question.
Some errors, I noted.
That is a goat, and not a shark.
That is not jumping.
Even the word finally is a bit of a reach, this has gone on for a while.
Like saying "If you love Passover, you'll love the Hitler show…"
Does the GB stand for garbage?
Five dollars? Won't it cost more to process all(?) those subscriptions than he's going to take in?
PIC Soooooooooo disturbing……..
Gone, but not forgotten. No, wait! Who?
Apparently, in this case, forgotten but not gone.
Sadly!
It's all right, she can use the business.
What a bunch of wretched cockmongers, you people take the cake.
Is he on Short Wave? That's usually where terminal nutters and racists (of the Pete Peters/Brother Stair/Dr Gene Scott type) usually end up. They peddle lots of gold coins, too. World Wide Crackpot Radio wants your bucks, Glen!
As I was reading this, my brain said, in the voice and accent of some of my family members (i.e., tough old people):
"Ehh, he's got enough goddamn money already".
This shark that you speak of, has it eaten recently?
And would you describe it as a *fussy* shark, or a shark that will pretty much eat anything?
Just wondering.
Bristol?
Ok, that's scary, which one is the Beckster?
looks like some nice workmanship there. so what do you do, go down to the metal shop and tell the guy workin the cnc machine that you need a flange here and a flange there and it better hold a fucking dildo or "OSHA" is gonna tear someone's ass apart?
I just assumed Layne had a metal lathe and was making them out of that cross he stole out in the desert, that one time, for dignity.
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