HISTORY IS NOW FIXED  3:32 pm June 6, 2011

Palin Supporters Invade Wikipedia With True Story Of Paul Revere

by Wonkette Jr.

time travelerSarah Palin and her supporters are doing many idiotic things today, so here we are posting about her again. Upon hearing that their illiterate leader revised American history to tailor Paul Revere’s ride to reflect her NRA-themed wet dream about scaring off British soldiers by hollering and waving guns, Mama Grizzly’s supporters’ first reaction was to immediately try to change the historical record to match this account. So let’s see, where is all actual history stored? Wikipedia! Her supporters flocked to Wikipedia and furiously edited factual inaccuracies into the Paul Revere page, because Palin is never wrong, like the Pope.

Here is the brilliant line that her moron faithful were trying to add:

“Accounts differ regarding the method of alerting the colonists; the generally accepted position is that the warnings were verbal in nature, although one disputed account suggested that Revere rang bells during his ride.[8][9]“

Isn’t an “account” usually when someone has had the opportunity to observe an event firsthand? Is Sarah Palin a time traveler?

Whatever. Wikipedia is a well-known truth-phobic institution. The dingbats over at right-wing vomit puddle Conservapedia were faster in making changes:

There. Thank you for fixing American history, Sarah Palin. [WaPo via Little Green Footballs]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 275 comments }

lefty74 June 6, 2011 at 3:35 pm

And so they chopped off her head with a giant beanstalk, and they grifted happily ever after.

nounverb911 June 6, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Can we rewrite history to say that Palin was never born?

Chillwaver June 6, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Sadly enough, the "lamestream" media has the power of writing the future by starting to ignore this twat completely, but they choose to do otherwise.

WunkRocker June 6, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Birf Cetifikate or GTFO!

Dr_pangloss June 6, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Conservapedia entry, Sarah Palin: 8 Term Govenor of Alaska and Hawkey Mom. Soon to be President of America for Life Palin.

Weenus299 June 6, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Wellllll, here's a little story I have to tell about three bad brothas you know so well.
It started way back, in historeeee with Ad Roc MCA and me, Mike D.

Crank_Tango June 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm

just me and this horseface and a quart of beer…

Fuck Toad June 6, 2011 at 3:58 pm

It is often forgotten in these ignorant days, but the original draft of the Declaration of Independence included the following in the list of the King's offenses:

"He has seen fit to do it to the Colonists like this, like that, and also with a whiffle ball bat".

mayor_quimby June 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

$arah : "I'm $ P and I need respect ! The cash and the jewelry is what I expect"
GOP and John McCain: "Take the Amex and get outta my face, you tarted up trollop!"

Tservo June 6, 2011 at 3:36 pm

He was ringin' bells and ridin' his horse, like one of those Hare Krishnas!

Sue4466 June 6, 2011 at 3:36 pm

To paraphrase American Jesus/Ronald Reagan, in the hands of Teabaggers, facts are really fucking stupid things.

DahBoner June 6, 2011 at 6:30 pm

In his famous cry, ‘One if by land, two if by sea,’ Paul Revere proved that you don’t have to know how to count higher than two to be a great American…

4TheTurnstiles June 6, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Finally, y'all brought back the Fail-0-Meter.

Andrew Drinker June 6, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Facts have a liberal bias!

Pop_Socket June 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

So it seems does history, geography, and mathematics.

bumfug June 6, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Those are "gotcha" facts.

DahBoner June 6, 2011 at 6:17 pm

And many beliefs are irrrational, limiting and destructive, Charlie.

No, wait. That makes too much sense.

Beliefs are magically better than facts!!!!

memzilla June 6, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Say, you know which other political fusspot liked to rewrite history (although he wasn't so griftastic about it)… ?

skoalrebel June 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Chuck Norris?

Guppy06 June 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm

He doesn't "rewrite" so much as "reproduce verbatim."

nounverb911 June 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm

R Milhous Nixon?

smokefilledroommate June 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Santa?

Boredw/Gravitas June 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Reagan?

DaRooster June 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Joseph Smith Jr.?

user-of-owls June 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Ming the Merciless?

ifthethunderdontgetya June 6, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Edmund S. Morgan?
~

Captain_Quark June 6, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Anthony Weiner? Shortly after shooting himself in the …. package.

Pop_Socket June 6, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Michelle Bachmann?

tribbzthesquidz June 6, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Bob Dylan in his "Saved" phase? Nostradamus? King James?

fuflans June 6, 2011 at 4:43 pm

shorter answer: dictators.

SpurningBeer June 6, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Shelby Foote?

GOPCrusher June 6, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Edward Gibbon

mumbly_joe June 6, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Ambassador Spock?

easybaked June 6, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Mel Gibson?

PrimlyStable June 6, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Jack Stuef?

trampndirtdown June 7, 2011 at 8:28 am

Who?

gullywompr June 6, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Winston Smith?

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2011 at 8:19 am

Winston Churchill.

baconzgood June 6, 2011 at 3:38 pm

"I can see Eastasia from my house"

-Sarah 'Blood Libel' Palin-

WordSaladNation June 6, 2011 at 8:59 pm

"I can see Sheena Easton from my house."

-Sarah "It's 1984?! YES!!!" Palin

Crank_Tango June 6, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Crazy Libs always rewriting history!

badseeds June 6, 2011 at 3:38 pm

It's almost like warning the Minutemen was just an afterthought. GG Conservapedia.

Captain_Quark June 6, 2011 at 3:38 pm

I thought it was Jesus who rode through the town ringing his little bells and alarming the people.

chicken_thief June 6, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Jesus was a gay belly dancer?!!

LesBontemps June 6, 2011 at 3:58 pm

On his dinosaur.

Guppy06 June 6, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Bring out your dead!

DashboardBuddha June 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

You're thinking of Santa Claus.

SorosBot June 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Ms. Krabappel: Well class, the history of our country has been changed again to correspond with Bart's answers on yesterday's test. America was now discovered in 1942 by "Some Guy." And our country isn't called America anymore. It's "Bonerland."

DaRooster June 6, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Viva la Idiocracy…

flamingpdog June 6, 2011 at 4:32 pm

"Boehnerland."
Corrected.

genxr June 6, 2011 at 4:41 pm

If you think bad thoughts, Trig will turn you into a jack-in-the-box.

AJWjr. June 6, 2011 at 5:02 pm

That's a good thing you did, a real good thing…

V572 [SSAN] June 6, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Isn't it strange how "The Simpsons" is like our Iliad and Odyssey, the text to which we compare all current events in order to understand them, with the firm belief that others will know exactly who Mrs Krabapple, Bart, Lisa and Homer are, the same way classical scholars knew who Hector, Priam and Penelope were?

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 9:05 am

The show is now in its twentieth (?? I think) year, so it would almost have to be part of our culture by now, if for no other reason than sheer repetition.

baconzgood June 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Conservapedia: The Tex-ass Board of Education of the internet.

Jukesgrrl June 7, 2011 at 12:56 am

I thought that was Bored of Education.

metamarcisf June 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm

But wait. This is from right-wing vomit puddle Conservadepia right now: "Their mission was to warn the colonist, not the British. Bells ringing or not there was no 2nd Amendment for Revere to protest to the British about at the time, since the Constitution had not been written." Are there trolls fucking with American history even now, this afternoon? While we await the final press conference from Anthony Weiner (D) (NY)?

bflrtsplk June 6, 2011 at 4:42 pm

You are getting dangerously close to the -100 mark. Anything we can do to help?

Chillwaver June 6, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Fuckin' downfisting troll knowns no limits!

zappadoo76 June 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Will you stop whining? Somone will eventually upfist you to orgasm.

dr_giraud June 6, 2011 at 4:38 pm

There's more than one. Your score went from plus-17 to plus-15 before my very eyes.

ChurchofRealism June 6, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Sarah Palin worked up a number 6 on us.
A number 6?
Yes, a number six is when Sarah Palin goes a ridin' into history, a whomping and a whooping, every single fact within an inch of its life.
Well what about Wikipedia?
Wikipedia? Well we rape the shit out of that later at the number 6 dance.

baconzgood June 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm

The Sheriff's a retard.

easybaked June 6, 2011 at 5:54 pm

If 6 was 9

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 9:10 am

If 6 was 9, how the hell would we all have oral sex?

Sassomatic June 6, 2011 at 3:41 pm

When we talk about a leader who "changed the course of history," we generally do not mean the history before they were born, idiots.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Texas schoolbooks are being revised as we speak.

smokefilledroommate June 6, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Revere rang bells, sounded an air horn, and also cranked some noisemakers. His horse was outfitted with one of those old-timey car horns that goes "Ah-ooo-gah!"

Andrew Drinker June 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

I sense there was probably "Kick Out The Jams" by MC5 being played on his car stereo as well.

WriteyWriterton June 6, 2011 at 3:52 pm

On his under-the-dash 8-track player, I should think.

memzilla June 6, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Good Gawd y'all! The horse's in-harness boom box was playing Edwin Starr.

chicken_thief June 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm

You're showing your age, AD – and your awesome taste in kickass rock & roll!

Guppy06 June 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Lexington's such a sexy war.

bflrtsplk June 6, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Plus "God Save the Queen" by the Sex Pistols. It fooled the Brits, but some of the colonists didn't quite catch the irony.

riverside68 June 6, 2011 at 4:10 pm

And shooting his for-personal-defense-only Glock with a large capacity magazine.

RavenRant June 6, 2011 at 4:36 pm

I am certain vuvuzelas were involved. Also, didjeridus. And I know my American history.

insidebeltway June 6, 2011 at 7:14 pm

And he had a greger like Queen Esther.

Goonemeritus June 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Some people said he was only minutes ahead of an eventual Squirmish.

ChurchofRealism June 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Haha. Awesome!

flamingpdog June 6, 2011 at 4:36 pm

But the British refudiated him halfway through his ride.

genxr June 6, 2011 at 4:38 pm

And that's when they saw the crib notes he had written on his hand.

easybaked June 6, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Revere made up new words, too. Got to celebrate it !

nounverb911 June 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Did Palin study "newspeak" as a second language?

WriteyWriterton June 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm

She might have read "1984," but she probably thought it was non-fiction. She's trying to make it non-fiction.

bflrtsplk June 6, 2011 at 4:49 pm

It's her first language and she's still learnin', you betcha. Some things take time.

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 9:12 am

In order to have a second language, you have to have a first.

tihond June 6, 2011 at 3:43 pm

This recalls the time JEB Stuart sent Mustard to the Union cavalry just before Yellow Pine because "they'd never Ketchup to his Cavalry."

gullywompr June 6, 2011 at 3:43 pm

What a bunch of ding-dongs.

Chillwaver June 6, 2011 at 3:43 pm

I once edited Rush Limbaugh's Wikipedia entry by adding "Asshole of the Year 2009" to his list of accolades. It remained unchanged for a 3 full days. True Story…

Weenus299 June 6, 2011 at 3:43 pm

SP, Michele Bachmann, Noot Gingrich, AKA the Time-Warped Trio.

i_AM_ready June 6, 2011 at 3:43 pm

My favorite part of all this was when Piper said to some reporter, "Thanks for ruining our vacation!"

So the home schooling has taught her one thing: Mom taught her how to nurse a grudge and develop a false sense of victimization.

But the funny thing is that the Snowbilly Grifter actually told her daughter that this bus tour through the primary states is a family vacation! Amazing. If Piper isn't a total idiot, someday she'll figure out that Ma spent a lifetime using her family to satisfy her deep craving for attention. With any luck we'll get a Mommie Dearest book.

FNMA June 6, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Mommie Dumbass?

Gleem_McShineys June 6, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Definitely "no wire hangers," eh, Bristol?

PostApocalypse June 6, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Fingers crossed. C'mon Piper, rebel, and rebel hard! There's still hope for ya, kid!

horsedreamer_1 June 6, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Let's hope she's the Ron Reagan, Jr., of Wasilla.

smokefilledroommate June 6, 2011 at 5:26 pm

The shit'll hit the fan when Piper reveals to Dipshit that she "is not one of her fans PAC donors".

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 9:19 am

"So the home schooling has taught her one thing: Mom taught her how to nurse a grudge and develop a false sense of victimization."

Poper may, indeed, be a whiny little shit with an absolutely grotesque case of narcissism, just like her Mom, but I will say that being used as a publicity prop really *isn't* much of a vacation.

TanzbodenKoenig June 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Thats's it folks; we've lost. We fought the good fight but the forces of ignorance and greed and self serving ambition are just too strong. If anyone needs me, I'll be the one under the overpass gettin drunk on mouthwash and hobo beans, crying softly to myself as I watch the former Home Of the Free decay further into a Randian dystopia.

baconzgood June 6, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Hey! I called THAT underpass first! I'll share some of my Scope though.

GeneralLerong June 6, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Maybe Canada and Mexico will take the opportunity to invade.

Canada gets the northern states, Mexico gets the southwest, the southeast is nuked into glass and set adrift into the Gulf.

AJWjr. June 6, 2011 at 5:06 pm

This is good news, considering Texas is a Gulf state.

HistoriCat June 6, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Mexico has problems but they are not that fucked up.

Dr_pangloss June 6, 2011 at 7:40 pm

If by HoboBeans(tm) you mean rat testicles, I'm in!

frostbitefalls June 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Where's the part about the colonists' armor-piercing bullets?

RavenRant June 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

And the all-important extended magazines. We'd still be speaking English without the strategic advantage we got from them.

Gopherit June 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Thank you Paul Revere, father of the 2nd Amendment, Schwartzenegger of the Revolutionary War, Palin's great great great grandfather, and noted born again Christian.
We salute you Old Bell Ringer. May the Limeys always quake at the sound of your bell.

AJWjr. June 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Chillwaver June 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

What do Wikipedia, Conservapedia and Texas' K12 Curriculum have in common?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Pretty much everything, at the moment.

MissTaken June 6, 2011 at 3:48 pm

History: Needs More Cowbell

DerrickWildcat June 6, 2011 at 3:48 pm

"Alright, fact: a peaceful, napping General Custer was murdered in his sleep by bloodthirsty Indians while he was on a family camping trip!"

riverside68 June 6, 2011 at 4:16 pm

If he had slept in the bus he would have been okay. But oh no, he had to sleep outside, and now he is dead.

Are you listening to me Bristol, Piper, Track, anybody at all?

genxr June 6, 2011 at 4:34 pm

"Thanks for ruining our family vacation!"

Dr_pangloss June 6, 2011 at 7:44 pm

"We've all Seen it Jerry"

SayItWithWookies June 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Finally, someone dares to tell the truth about Paul Revere that the liberal revisionist historians have been trying to hide for all this time. See, the British were about to enslave the Colonists with universal healthcare, which they knew they couldn't do unless they seized all our weapons first. So Paul Revere, who had Down Syndrome, was in his basement praying for the execution of gays in Uganda, when The LORD came to him and said, "Paul, I have anointed you to fight witchcraft and socialism — now Go and warn the British that if they try to burn our flag or allow our policemen to have collective bargaining that the Montana Militia will be down here lickety-split with two vans full of plastic explosives." And thus the Union was saved, and then the South used States' Rights to end slavery and everyone lived happily ever after.

WriteyWriterton June 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm

A-bloody-men.

anniegetyerfun June 6, 2011 at 5:33 pm

You can't see me at the moment, but I am wearing a flagpin and singing the national anthem off-key while tears stream down my face and Jesus hugs me. From behind.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2011 at 10:03 pm

You forgot the part about the fetuses. Again.

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 10:05 pm

::wipes away a tear::

philpjfry June 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm

They do understand that changing it in wikipedia does not actualy change history right?"

WriteyWriterton June 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm

No, I don't think they do.

baconzgood June 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm

I got banned from Wikipedia for changing shit on there. Only I did it for snark sake. (that was before I found Wonkette where snark isn't frowned upon)

Buckminster June 6, 2011 at 4:15 pm

It changes it as far as people who rely on Wikipedia for their only source. There are going to be some crappy term papers turned in for American History 101 this fall…

Dr_pangloss June 6, 2011 at 7:47 pm

This is the worst piece of revisionist history since Napoleon forced Guns N' Roses to give up on their last abum and make the String Cheese Incident.

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Napoleon was kind of a dick anyway.

genxr June 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm

It's more like claiming the first squirmish of the Civil War was fought at Fort Summer, in New Hampshire.

zappadoo76 June 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm

British soldier #1: Do we 'ave a natural right to bear arms, too?
British Soldier #2: Actually, it's an obligation, to 'is Majesty.
British Soldier #1: So I can't put me musket down, then, innit?
British Soldier #2: 'At's right, mate.
British Soldier #1: Blimey, the damn thing is 'eavy.

RavenRant June 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm

You left out, "Bob's your uncle!" And "Bollocks!"

And, technically, shouldn't the last line read, "Blimey, the bleedin' fing is heavy?"

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2011 at 10:30 pm

British soldier #2: An woy in bloody 'ell did we 'ave to carry 'em all the way up here to Concord NH?

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 8:59 am

"'Ow'd 'e get to be King, anyway? I didn't vote for 'im."

DaRooster June 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

"…although one disputed account suggested that Revere rang bells during his ride."

Definitely DISPUTED… God… please, I know I don't pray very often, but if you are going to take them… could ya soon.
Thanks,
B.A.R.

p.s.- They are ruining this place… and wasting what little precious oxygen we have left.

BornInATrailer June 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

A little known fact; Paul Revere alerted people on his famous ride by blowing on a vuvuzela.

The More You Know

WriteyWriterton June 6, 2011 at 4:10 pm

He was actually delivering a root vegetable that night, shouting "The Radish is coming!"

emmelemm June 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

WIN.

user-of-owls June 6, 2011 at 4:22 pm

…and that is why the First Lady is traveling to South Africa. To pay respect to Paul Revere.

AJWjr. June 6, 2011 at 5:10 pm

…where she'll pour out a 40 on the corner in his honor…

[redacted]hse June 6, 2011 at 4:28 pm

I think she'd be a lot happier if he would just lick that vuvuzela and not blow on it.

Geminisunmars June 6, 2011 at 5:00 pm

I have a hard time telling the difference between a vuvuzela and Palin's voice.

J Rbt. Oppenheiner June 7, 2011 at 12:04 am

Her page seems better with this: http://www.vuvuzela-time.co.uk/www.sarahpac.com

Sharkey June 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Apologies in advance to Anita Ward.

Cat_Damon June 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

On the bright side, it will be that much easier to spot the idiots who plagiarize/use Wikipedia as their primary source for academic papers.

baconzgood June 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

#notintendedtobeafactualstatement

Chillwaver June 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Paul Revere: "Die, you soshulist yuropeen faggets, die!!! Freedums!!!"
- Actual historical transcript (via Conservapedia)

BarackMyWorld June 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Sarah Palin could say tomorrow that the world is flat and there'd probably still be "experts" defending her.

Buckminster June 6, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Yeah, and she could say the sky is falling and her idiot followers would believe that too!

AJWjr. June 6, 2011 at 5:11 pm

DUCK!

Peace in our time June 6, 2011 at 4:19 pm

She's probably considering a 16-dimension universe in which space is curved and what appears curved is actually flat and vice versa, depending upon ones perspective.

You know, that deep-thinker stuff for which she is fey-moose.

GOPCrusher June 6, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Well, it's flat where she happened to be standing when she said it, so technically she was correct.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2011 at 10:06 pm

Yeah, but does Wikipedia have an entry for "round earth controversy" that they can revise?

weejee June 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Let's see where has this happened before? There were the Tudor's doing a number on Richard II, Nazis on a lot, and the Soviets (N. Koreans) on almost everything. Oh, and the Tejas Skoolbook Suppository on absolutely everything.

StronglyVaginal June 6, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Ahem. Richard III?

oldmayfly June 6, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Richard III?

DerrickWildcat June 6, 2011 at 3:58 pm

The, "How do I know if I'm a Homosexual?" article is now 2nd place to the "Paul Revere" article in page hits on Conservapedia.

baconzgood June 6, 2011 at 4:08 pm

"How do I know if I'm a Homosexual?"

Do you like to fuck people of the same sex? Then you are.

WriteyWriterton June 6, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Are you a Republican Congressman who claims to be straight?

Then, yes, you're gay.

UW8316154 June 6, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Great, now I'm going to have to check that out. I wonder if there is a questionnaire, what questions would it ask to help me answer the question?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2011 at 11:51 pm

The important thing is that they'll point you to places where you can get "cured". (I think Bachmann's hubby runs one of these rackets.)

whiterabid June 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm

I remember when I was young and used to watch cartoons after school, there was a cartoon about Paul Revere. It showed him riding his horse and yelling, "the British are Coming." Then it segued into an action sequence where the colonists rise up in arms against the British, and yes, the bells began to ring.

I think Sarah must have seen the same cartoon.

DashboardBuddha June 6, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I was thinking the same thing. I think they showed us that film when I was in the 6th grade.

Mahousu June 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I love that the Conservapedia article includes links to homework. The students' answers provide some great insights, like:
The Baroque style was a mix between new paintings, new music, new poetry, and plays. The motivation was to just get some new stuff out there. (Benjamin)
Picture it like this; imperialism is like a car going very fast: if there is a criminal in that car, well then it’s just his get-away car…but if there’s a police officer in that car, he can have a positive effect. (Jonathan R.)

baconzgood June 6, 2011 at 4:06 pm

That second part writen by Jonathan R…….What the fuck is that all about? Man that kid either needs to get off the drugs or get on them.

AJWjr. June 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

I know, right? He forgot to take into account miscreants such as myself, who just like to drive fast.

Crank_Tango June 6, 2011 at 4:28 pm

are you kidding? that is the modern conservative philosophy boiled down in a form we can all understand. When a fascist is in power, government is good. When a brother is in power, socializms.

just substitute government for imperialism,

zhubajie June 7, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Con'pedia is supposed to be for Home-schoolers, whose kins will probably end up turning into ex-fundy poon-hounds on their first evening of liberty, but will still be more ignorant than the average pig!

BornInATrailer June 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I already sent that in as a tip! Go go Wonkette Jr.!

RadioJr. June 6, 2011 at 4:16 pm

it would be so funny if Weiner came out in a Speedo.
That would end this whole sordid affair.

GOPCrusher June 6, 2011 at 5:44 pm

With "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" playing in the background.

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 10:13 pm

"I'm too sexy for my shirt"

WriteyWriterton June 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Soon enough, her supporters will edit her Wiki entry to show that she did not quit any of her last three public jobs. She is, in fact, still Governor and Mayor and Chairman of the Oil and Gas Commission.

pinkocommi June 6, 2011 at 4:03 pm

The next thing you know, Palin's supporters will try to get people to believe that the earth is only 6,000 years old, evolution is a myth, and there's no such thing as man-made global warming. Oh, wait….

anniegetyerfun June 6, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Haha, that is so far-fetched that only a complete retard would believe such nonsense!

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2011 at 11:59 pm

If the Republitards can insist that voters need photo IDs, why can't we insist that they pass an IQ test as well? Seriously — which requirement is more likely to improve the whole system?

comrad_darkness June 7, 2011 at 3:11 am

This is why religion makes it so easy to control these loons.

Slim_Pickins June 6, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Welcome to fourth grade.

baconzgood June 6, 2011 at 4:03 pm

"Weeelllll here's a lil' story I got to tell
about a snow billy grifter we know so well
it started way back in history…"

johnnymeatworth June 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm

1984 For Dummies, yeah.

AJWjr. June 6, 2011 at 4:06 pm
elviouslyqueer June 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm

The Ku Klux Klan was a fraternal organization that tried to introduce African-Americans to nature, particularly trees.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
#ohnotheydin'tgothere

FNMA June 6, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Dunning-Kruger Effect, aka Palin Syndrome, aka Gingrich Disorder, aka Santorum Palsy, aka Bachmann Disorder, and so on…

bordo2 June 6, 2011 at 4:14 pm

I was disappointed that $arah Palin also didn't note that Paul Revere wasn't really on a horse, but in a Boss 302 Mustang with 22-inch rims and a 7,000-watt sound system playing "London Bridge is falling down." It scared the shit out of the Brits. Honest. There are "accounts" of this.

FNMA June 6, 2011 at 4:17 pm

"Disputed accounts."

Biel_ze_Bubba June 7, 2011 at 12:02 am

But since the account is from a major US politician, Wikipedia is obliged to take note of it as an "documented" fact.

(I wish that was snark, but the SaraTards are actually making that argument on the Wikipedia discussion page.)

riverside68 June 6, 2011 at 4:14 pm

"making themselves look even more ridiculous than usual in the process"

Is that even possible? In for a penny, in for a pound: I say they should knock themselves out trying to rewrite history, that should keep them busy trying to keep up with bible spice.

SorosBot June 6, 2011 at 4:17 pm

"Why does the page for the Declaration of Independence say that a time-traveling Ronald Reagan was among the signers?"

horsedreamer_1 June 7, 2011 at 9:31 am

Ronald Reagan was an actor, so clearly, had access to the Delorean on the Back to the Future set.

Nopantsmcgee June 6, 2011 at 4:15 pm

We have always been at war with Oceana-Britanica.

Peace in our time June 6, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I bet you could write an encyclopedia about that!

PabaBritannica June 6, 2011 at 4:15 pm

To paraphrase Ezra Klein, we must get to focusing on what's really important here: Andrew Breitbart.

WriteyWriterton June 6, 2011 at 4:18 pm

According to the NY Times right now, the "Weiner press conference" is actually a Breitbart press conference.

So, yes, it is a Weiner press conference, but just the really tiny, self-consciously inadequate kind.

hagajim June 6, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Glad to see the Texas School Board is out fixin history again – you betcha.

OneYieldRegular June 6, 2011 at 4:21 pm

So we're up against homunculi who somehow think that revising Wikipedia and downfisting comments on Wonkette are politically efficacious acts? My god – how will we ever defeat such daunting courage, daring strategy and dazzling intelligence?

fuflans June 6, 2011 at 4:50 pm

member when we used to warblog?

whatever happened to that? did it go away with newell?

UW8316154 June 6, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Seems so long ago, when the cry of "WARBLOG!!" was enough to let slip the blogs of war.

KeepFnThatChicken June 6, 2011 at 4:22 pm

So… this means Jesus really did, in fact, rise from the grave?

easybaked June 6, 2011 at 8:25 pm

And on The Third Day, He went shopping for new duds at Walmart, because someone had stolen His only clean shroud.

[redacted]hse June 6, 2011 at 4:23 pm

The utter cheek is appalling. These fuckwits have no shame.

VinnyThePooh June 6, 2011 at 4:24 pm

A plausible rant makes you a guaranteed winner at Trivial Pursuit in the House Of Palin. If it doesn't, throwing the board against the wall certainly will.

RadioJr. June 6, 2011 at 4:28 pm

The Weiner likes e-mail, twitter and phone sex.

jus_wonderin June 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Isn't Paul Revere's signature line "The British are coming!" I can see where a fundie might have reservations with the language. Especially if PR was ringing his bells.

AJWjr. June 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm

#NOTQUITTING!!1!

prommie June 6, 2011 at 4:32 pm

"To warn the British that the Colonists would exercise their natural right to bear arms." How beautiful is that? Sarah actually took it further, she managed to throw in the words "private" and "individual" when she suggested that Paul Revere was the founder of the NRA. But why were all the arms in the armory, instead of being privately and individually borne by those bell-ringin' shorer-uppers of our arms rights over there? Were they community-owned arms, were they socialist commie arms? I am so confused.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 7, 2011 at 12:09 am

So now it's a "natural" right? I guess that's why God gave us trigger fingers.

genxr June 6, 2011 at 4:37 pm

And if it's a double-super-secret-PAC, they can do a bit of shopping at Bloomingdales.

prommie June 6, 2011 at 4:38 pm

By the way, watch for this meme: history as you think you know it, as recorded in the elitist history books, and taught in the socialist public schools and commie elitist so called "universities," has been slanted and twisted by the left-wing bias of the people who wrote the books. Its well known, after all, that the intelligent, the knowledgeable, and the literate, are all left wingers with extreme socialist left wing bias. So, these revisions of history are actually necessary to correct the errors and lies which have accumulated from 200 years of biased "history."

powersuit June 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

It's the little known subclause to the Second Amendment, Amendment 2(a), in which Charleton Heston established "clawback" provisions that places automatic weapons into the hands of every colonist, along with an NRA sticker on their horses' rumps, so that they could preemptorily protect the Second Amendment from the Redcoats!

horsedreamer_1 June 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad — I'm hot for grifter!

Eve8Apples June 6, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Between Tundra Twit's revisionist history and Weiner's weiner — the writers for Stewart and Colbert are going to have one hell of a week!

flamingpdog June 6, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Takes more than a tireless index finger to rewrite history.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Yeah … I think el Fistula is working pretty much at the high end of his intellectual capabilities here.

Negropolis June 6, 2011 at 4:44 pm

WTF?! Anthony Weiner calls a tearful press conference to answer every question ever asked of him. I'm through with this guy, not because he consenually exchanged sexy-texts with other women outside his marriage – though, that is a scumball thing to do – but because he just fucking apologized to Andy Breitbart. Apart from simply telling the truth the first time, the next thing you do is but out a brief statement and MOVE ON.

OMG, now he's saying that he doesn't know if all the girls were adults. Anthony, you're a fucking moron, stop. fucking. talking, you ass. I truly question this guys judgement. Unless this is some absloutely bizarre publicity stunt, this was fucking stupid.

Can you tell how angry I am?

ProgressiveInga June 6, 2011 at 4:52 pm

"I did not have twitter relations with that girl, uh woman, uh….."

As a gay girl, all I have to say is Weiners are gross!

fuflans June 6, 2011 at 4:54 pm

isn't he the one with the wife in vogue?

idiot.

BornInATrailer June 6, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Maybe Huma is named ironically.

GOPCrusher June 6, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Apologizing to Andrew Breitbart should be considered a crime against humanity.

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 10:35 pm

So, Weiner's on auto-gotcha.

luke_warm June 6, 2011 at 4:46 pm

The updated version of the Nixon quote, as per the wikipedia revisionists: “When Sarah Palin says it, that means it’s not a mistake.”

petehammer June 6, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Wot's all this, then?

Negropolis June 6, 2011 at 4:49 pm

No fucking kidding. Just know some stupid bitch in the press gallery shouts out: "One of these girls is young enough to be your daughter."

UGH!

Now, the stupid ass "reporter" that often appears on Jimmy Kimmel is yelling whether he'll support Arnold's love child, and whether he was fully erect in the pictures.

I think I get it, now. Anthony loves being humiliated in public or he loves to hear his voice, in which case I think he may be a sociopath.

zhubajie June 7, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Aren't all US pols sociopaths?

4TheTurnstiles June 6, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Not really off topic: please take a moment and help me mock & ridicule the home schoolers who are tracked into this shit by their Palin-loving & paranoid parents
http://www.yaf.org

UW8316154 June 6, 2011 at 10:32 pm

oooh-oooh! Let's go to the "Mastering Conservative Rhetoric" Seminar on June 8th!

GortRay June 6, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Proposed Wikipedia revision: "Sarah Palin, nee Heath, is a natural born idiot and psychopath whose career as a grifter has brought her great fame and fortune. She has the approximate intellect of a bag of dog turds. She also has millions of rabid followers who, in a sane society, would be rounded up and kept in barbed wire pens."

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 10:39 pm

She's mean to her kids and her tits are fake (disputed).

zhubajie June 7, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Sounds fit for UNCYCLOPEDIA

prommie June 6, 2011 at 5:01 pm

You know,when you think about it, they have completely revised the New Testament and twisted the teachings of Jesus by 180 degrees (apparently his central message was "kill them all, I'll sort them out," and "every man for himself."). but seriously, after that, doing the same number on US history is nothing.

Geminisunmars June 6, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Very nice, Pooh. I just hope the UnderTodd doesn't get you.

VinnyThePooh June 7, 2011 at 7:20 am

Sarah has many Under Toads.

JackObin June 6, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Remove her cranial screw-top, and you'll find a pile of whale shit inside.

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 10:43 pm

Moose doody.

AJWjr. June 6, 2011 at 5:19 pm

That was actually either the Last Supper or the First Thanksgiving. I've heard it both ways.

AlaskaGrrl June 6, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Ah yes. This worked so well for the Soviets. And now with all "truth" on line, we won't be getting that missive from the authorities to "tear out page # whatever and replace it with this one." in our Official Republican Encyclopedia.

Pragmatist2 June 6, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I am very confused. A very smart Palinista would know to go to Wikipedia to get incorrect information. Most of them couldn't get that far. So where did they get false information to add to Wikipedia? Is there an alternative universe version of Wiki for stupid right wing nuts?

UW8316154 June 6, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Biel_ze_Bubba June 7, 2011 at 12:19 am

a.k.a. Retardapedia

poncho_pilot June 6, 2011 at 5:48 pm

i'm imagining everyone on Earth being turned into Palin. the squawking! my god, the squawking!

derrickfinnerty June 6, 2011 at 5:54 pm

So, here's the original write-up on conservapedia:
"Paul Revere (1734-1818) was a silversmith in colonial America who was very active in Boston-area revolutionary groups such as the Sons of Liberty. He is famous for riding from Boston to Lexington, Massachusetts with William Dawes on the night of April 18, 1775 to warn the minutemen that British troops led by General Thomas Gage were invading. Revere was captured before he could reach Concord, but managed to escape. His midnight ride was immortalized by a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow." http://web.archive.org/web/20090107131452/http://

Redhead June 6, 2011 at 6:03 pm

I'm sure Matt Smith could figure it out. To the Tardis!

HistoriCat June 6, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Can we have a Dr. Who/Twilight Zone crossover?

The Doctor takes Sarah Palin back to the American Revolution. She's captured by brave colonial minutemen who assume she must be a Hessian since they can't understand a thing she says.

DahBoner June 6, 2011 at 6:10 pm

"Revere rang bells during his ride."

Oh, good golly! That's nuthin'!

Paul Revere and the Raider's gong solo blew my wig off, man.

DahBoner June 6, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Beware the UnderTool….

DahBoner June 6, 2011 at 6:15 pm

And Chuck Barris from the Gong Show does another line….

rocktonsam June 6, 2011 at 6:27 pm

HE WHO- DR.SUESS?

GeoatBeck June 6, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Isn't she hot!!!

SorosBot June 6, 2011 at 8:41 pm

No; she's hideous.

tessiee June 8, 2011 at 12:15 am

That cunt.

(Hey, two pages in and the regular guy hasn't said it yet, so I figured, what better opportunity?)

easybaked June 6, 2011 at 8:06 pm

This is good news for John McCain, our 44th President.

horsedreamer_1 June 7, 2011 at 9:37 am

John Sidney Mc Cain, our forty-fourth & half president…
Old Dickery, Napoleon whose daughter we'd like to hump

easybaked June 6, 2011 at 8:21 pm

She doesn't feel pity or remorse, or fear. And she absolutely will not stop, ever.

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 10:22 pm

"She doesn't feel pity or remorse, or fear."

Or shame.

orygoon June 6, 2011 at 9:10 pm

"Isn’t an “account” usually when someone has had the opportunity to observe an event firsthand?"

That's exactly right. If it isn't in Longfellow, it didn't happen.

HistoriCat June 6, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Whatcha gonna do about it? Complain to the FEC? Ha ha ha ha!

BZ1 June 6, 2011 at 9:28 pm

I take it Paul had those little ding-a-ling bicycle bells to ring…

franco_pinyon June 6, 2011 at 9:42 pm

You can almost see the weak, fuzzy mind at work.__"They talk about the bell tower of the Old north Church so, obviously, somebody was ringin' thise bells. The hero was Paul Revere, so he MUST have been the one ringin' those bells. And, um, there was a horse there, too. Up in the bell tower. What a horse!"

chascates June 6, 2011 at 10:18 pm

From ConservaPUDia:
He is famous for riding from Boston to Lexington, Massachusetts with William Dawes on the night of April 18, 1775 ringing bells to warn the British that colonists would exercise their natural rights to both bear arms and use them in an effort secede from the United Kingdom in response to Big Government bullying and interfering with Colony's Rights[1]. Coincidentally, this also served to warn the minutemen the British were coming[Citation Needed].

Ringing bells is a widely-accepted warning that colonists would exercise their 'natural rights to bear arms'? Thank goodness it also 'coincidentally' warned the Minuteman. Otherwise . . .

comrad_darkness June 7, 2011 at 3:13 am

Honestly, a troll inserted that, right? Right?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2011 at 11:48 pm

I hope they lock up the "Concord NH" page, if it's not already too late.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2011 at 11:56 pm

But she's already a threat to the future!

Biel_ze_Bubba June 7, 2011 at 12:07 am

All who are surprised, return to "Go". Do not collect $200.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 7, 2011 at 12:12 am

Well, it's that darned "gotcha history", doncha know? It's just chock full of liberal facts, waitin' to trip her up. Good thing her brain-dead zombie army is out there fixing history in the Wikipedia.

luke_warm June 7, 2011 at 12:37 am

"If Sarah Palin says it, that means it's not a mistake."

Jukesgrrl June 7, 2011 at 1:09 am

The bombing of Dresden, too.

comrad_darkness June 7, 2011 at 2:57 am

Ah, defending the idea that Palin can never be wrong.

Oh, Saint Sarah Holy Virgin Mother of God, forgive us for every doubting you!

zhubajie June 7, 2011 at 11:32 pm

Does that make Trig, etc., Gods?

SonofSpermcube June 7, 2011 at 6:52 am

Incidents like this are why I like the term "Little Sister" for the crowd-sourced version of Big Brother. Shame it never really caught on.

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 8:56 am

"Can we send a Terminator back to kill her mother before she's conceived? … /not actually advocating violence"

Well, if you're going to be all not-resorting-to-violence and stuff, just go back in time and keep her parents from meeting.

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 9:00 am

You do realize that when Limeylizzie gets ahold of this, she's gonna kick all of our asses.

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 9:02 am

Torgo?

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 9:08 am

Wait… Are we supposed to be upfisting your comments, or downfisting them?

horsedreamer_1 June 7, 2011 at 9:35 am

Private roads? Not quite. They were sold to Imperial Spain & administered by French Canadian fur-trappers who had migrated south with the slowing of the trade in pelts.

TheMeatmaker June 7, 2011 at 9:46 am

His midnight ride was immortalized in a song by Chuck Berry, "My Ding-a-ling."

Civilityisdead June 7, 2011 at 11:18 am

Haven't these Palin Haters have anything better to do with their time. Their attitudes indicate they must all be descended from the type of people who were members of lynch mobs, the KKK and witch burners ( yes I know the witches in New Engand were hanged not burned. That was an historical fallacy perpetuated by American school books for centuries Witchs were burned in Europe because they considered to be heretic. Under English common law they were hanged as felons.. God save us from whoever these idiots vote for if they're not too busy pouring their puerile venom out on someone else to take time to vole..

Civilityisdead June 7, 2011 at 11:27 am

I notice that in the last few days my comments have declined by your editorial board. Probably because they could be considered right wing and contained no obscenities. Yahoo is definely a left wing organ. Unfortunately we are stuck with them like Germany was stuck with Joseph Goebbels. If you are so clever and well informed, look him up under the hstory of Germany during the 1930s and 40;s. Or lookup Senator Joe McCarthy in the 1950's.

FlameCCT June 7, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Poor Wonkette,

Seems that Paul Revere's own writing disagrees with your version of the events. Perhaps y'all should ask for your money back since your vaunted institutions of learning failed to teach you factual history.

tessiee June 7, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Any subject other than her own self-promotion is "gotcha" something or other.

zhubajie June 7, 2011 at 11:11 pm

This rivals the changes in the Great Soviet Encyclopedia!

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