GOLD MEDAL IN DUMB  10:09 am June 6, 2011

Sarah Palin Also Wrong About Everything Else She Says On Dumb Bus Tour

by Wonkette Jr.

Her hilarious re-imagining of American History is getting most of the lulz right now, but a guy called “Fact Checker” at the Washington Post has put together a semi-comprehensive list of other major falsehoods the Wasilla Grifter has jabbered into microphones since renting that tour bus.

Things she either willfully misrepresented or never comprehended in the first place include U.S. aid to Egypt, China’s holdings of U.S. treasuries, and Social Security — calling it “underwater” like her mortgage, probably, when it’s fully funded until 2036 and 75% funded through 2085, when Sarah Palin will be finally be dead like the rest of us. [Washington Post]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 104 comments }

Barb June 6, 2011 at 10:14 am

Maybe a new pair of glasses, that she doesn't need to wear, will make her smarter.

weejee June 6, 2011 at 10:42 am

But will they help her to distinguish between smart and smartass?

Barb June 6, 2011 at 10:45 am

With her head up her ass? Who knows?

jus_wonderin June 6, 2011 at 10:56 am

"Oh, that's where I left those."

JustPixelz June 6, 2011 at 11:27 am

The bigger boobs only made her a bigger boob.

Arken June 6, 2011 at 11:31 am

I remember when Bill Hemmer did that right when he was picked to co-host the ill-fated CNN American Morning show. It didn't make him any less stupid. I hear he's at Fox News these days, where he belongs.

Not_So_Much June 6, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Only thing I can think of to make a last-ditch effort to jump start her brain would involve something I believe the kids these days call a "donkey punch"…

ThankYouJeebus June 6, 2011 at 10:16 am

You laugh, but she was the lead contributor to the Texas schoolbook rewrite.

real_dc_native June 6, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Now that is truly frightening. Wasn't Texas going to secede? One more empty promise from the media, death panels, Texas secession, etc.

SexySmurf June 6, 2011 at 10:19 am

Listen my children and you shall hear,
Lou Sarah talking out her rear.

jus_wonderin June 6, 2011 at 10:58 am

That made the Who's in Whoville shiver.

WABishop June 6, 2011 at 12:57 pm

I regret that I have but one upfist to give to that comment.

Goonemeritus June 6, 2011 at 10:24 am

She even managed to find mediocre Pizza in Manhattan which takes some doing.

mavenmaven June 6, 2011 at 10:26 am

Trump was telling her to fork off.

horsedreamer_1 June 6, 2011 at 10:52 am

She had to support Papa John after he pulled the ads from mean ol' Wonkette.

UpFistTroll June 6, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Hey, by the way, why isn't Wonkette dead yet? I was assured by several meth-addled lemurs from Big Gummint that Wonkette was going to be slapped by the invisible hand.

What's the matter? Can't those little impotent tools bring down one tiny little liberal website? Must feel so awful to have so little power!

JustPixelz June 6, 2011 at 11:28 am

In NYC, she coulda gotten some Godfather's pizza from an actual Godfather.

BerkeleyBear June 6, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Not even mediocre, to hear Jon Stewert tell it. If you can't at least go to one of the one million or so Rays variations, you suck.

It would be like going to Chicago and eating crappy Little Ceaser's or Godfather's. (BTW, I'm still pissed at my wife's family for ordering a thin crust pizza the last time I was in town, seeing as how I'm moving 2000 miles from real deep dish (while still being several hundred miles from Zachary's of Berkeley).

CapeClod June 6, 2011 at 10:26 am

These so-called facts she's supposed to be getting wrong all come from the "Blame America" version of history.

charlesdegoal June 6, 2011 at 10:32 am

Her minions (or whatever) now seem to try and edit Wikipedia entries to agree with her version of the facts.

widestanceroman June 6, 2011 at 10:39 am

Just as they did after her VP announcement.

Idol worship is a helluva drug, man.

charlesdegoal June 6, 2011 at 10:26 am

It's quite remarkable that her ignorance seems to span the entire realm of human knowledge.

SexySmurf June 6, 2011 at 10:31 am

Snowbilly is a Renaissance Women. And by that I mean, like the majority of the European population during the Renaissance, she spends her days shoveling bull shit.

jus_wonderin June 6, 2011 at 10:59 am

Universal or Quantum Ignorance?

KeepFnThatChicken June 6, 2011 at 10:27 am

"Fact Checker" must be a glutton for punishment. She sounds like cats having sex.

DaRooster June 6, 2011 at 10:34 am

Sure does sound like a lot of work…

horsedreamer_1 June 6, 2011 at 10:34 am

Who would think that The Washington Post would offer the clear-eyed antidote to the weasels at PolitiFiction?

I strongly suggest Richard Cohen & George Will strangle to death whoever wrote this tripe.

user-of-owls June 6, 2011 at 1:56 pm

She sounds like cats having sex.

…with wounded hyenas.

4TheTurnstiles June 6, 2011 at 10:29 am

Does she still beat Santorum in a one-on-one… or does she leave that mess for Todd to clean up?

SorosBot June 6, 2011 at 10:30 am

The Fact Checker guy should be fair to Sarah; there's a good chance she's not lying but is just so stupid she honestly believes what she's saying because she's just repeating the talking point lies she heard on Rush and his Alaskan equivalent.

BaldarTFlagass June 6, 2011 at 10:31 am

Almost forty years ago, the Firesign Theatre cut an album with a title that totally describes woman, "Everything You Know is Wrong."

"Dogs flew spaceships! The Aztecs invented the vacation! Men and women are the same sex! Our forefathers took drugs! Your brain is not the boss! Yes! That's right! Everything you know is wrong!"

Monsieur_Grumpe June 6, 2011 at 10:50 am

They are all Bozos on that bus.
A million upfists for anyone who quotes Firesign Theatre!

SpurningBeer June 6, 2011 at 11:01 am

There's hamburger all over the highway in Seabrook, New Hampshire.

SorosBot June 6, 2011 at 10:52 am

That's also the title of a song by Weird Al – but Palin's best described by another one of his songs, "Dare to be Stupid".

BerkeleyBear June 6, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I love both those tunes, although neither made the cut in his live show here in Springfield last night (yes, I rocked the Weird Al scene with my 13 year old son). He's got a new one parodying Gaga's "Born this Way" that also should apply – "I perform this way". Since I don't think she's as much crazy as lazy and pandering.

Steverino247 June 6, 2011 at 11:15 am

Her Press Secretary is Georgie Tyrebiter.

"Whose behind is the Giant Rat of Sumatra?" Sarah Palin's obviously.

prommie June 6, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Its time to betake us to the Hashfire Inn.

ManchuCandidate June 6, 2011 at 10:35 am

If I were from any of the 15 or 9000 colleges she attended I would burn my degree and then demand to get my money back.

BaldarTFlagass June 6, 2011 at 10:36 am

Did anybody think to ask her about Johnny Tremain?

EatsBabyDingos June 6, 2011 at 10:36 am

Needz moar BusNutz. Oh, wait, that bus has all the Nutz it can handle.

elviouslyqueer June 6, 2011 at 10:37 am

when Sarah Palin will be finally be dead like the rest of us.

If only, but this rancid cuntbag will never die. She's like a scorching case of herpes — going dormant for a while, but then flaring back up when you least expect it.

Nothingisamiss June 6, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Seriously…that was the most hopeful statement in the whole piece, and now you've just harshed it all for me.

DaRooster June 6, 2011 at 10:37 am

I really hope that she is driving the bus…

neiltheblaze June 6, 2011 at 10:40 am

Perhaps whoever is bothering to notice should just jot down the things the dimwit has gotten right – it would be a very short list, and would involve the art of dressing a freshly bagged moose in the wild.

LetUsBray June 6, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Word is that even when it comes to moose-bagging she's a flagrant fake.

neiltheblaze June 6, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Well – I guess being consistently fake is an accomplishment of sorts.

weejee June 6, 2011 at 10:41 am

Back in the day, did Lou Sarah rammed a pair of those super absorbent tampons up her nostrils to stop a bloody nose and get toxic brain syndrome?

ChessieNefercat June 6, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Well. That would explain so much, wouldn't it?

Or maybe she did it to stop that whistling through the cavernous spaces noise.

Mahousu June 6, 2011 at 10:41 am

Look, on this 67th anniversary of that great day when Ronald Reagan brought freedom to Europe by invading France and beating the Communists, can't we all put aside our petty obsessions with historical "facts" and just give thanks that American bombs brought down that Iron Curtain? Plus for Winston Churchill; he did something too, I think. Cut our taxes, maybe.

AJWjr. June 6, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Churchill brought us nascar, ie: the Winston Cup. And it was a mere 7 years ago yesterday that the zombification of reagan commenced. I love history!

hagajim June 6, 2011 at 10:43 am

How many ways can you spell moron?

Sue4466 June 6, 2011 at 10:50 am

I got two: s-a-r-a-h and p-a-l-i-n

BaldarTFlagass June 6, 2011 at 10:45 am

How anyone this stupid has progressed further in life than teary-eyed-TV-preacher's-sidekick/eye-candy or manager of a Long John Silver's is a really telling tale of the Decline and Fall of the American Empire.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 6, 2011 at 10:46 am

Mr. Fact C. Checker (IF that is his real name) probably felt (correctly) that checkin' Palin into the boards would be a lot more fun than slogging through the crap on Fred Hiatt's editorial and op-ed pages.
~

HistoriCat June 6, 2011 at 10:46 am

It only took them 130 years but they did it.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 6, 2011 at 10:47 am

It is a good thing that she is not driving the bus. She's not driving the bus right?

Ducksworthy June 6, 2011 at 10:47 am

You guys think this is funny but you know who else twisted all of history into right wing talking points?

Monsieur_Grumpe June 6, 2011 at 10:54 am

Mr. Peabody and Sherman?

PabaBritannica June 6, 2011 at 10:57 am

Carmen San Diego?

SpurningBeer June 6, 2011 at 11:04 am

The Texas and Kansas state boards of education?

SenileAgitation June 6, 2011 at 11:15 am

David Addington?

Steverino247 June 6, 2011 at 11:17 am

Joseph Smith?

horsedreamer_1 June 6, 2011 at 11:21 am

Ralph Nader?

BaldarTFlagass June 6, 2011 at 11:30 am

The GOP?

jodyleek June 6, 2011 at 11:39 am

Colonel Klink?

Nothingisamiss June 6, 2011 at 1:17 pm

He knew NUTHINK!

GOPCrusher June 6, 2011 at 3:12 pm

The Discovery Channel?

PabaBritannica June 6, 2011 at 10:48 am

Sarah wonders how the Egyptians are supposed to fight wars and use our foreign aid when they walk around with their arms and hands turned all funny.

Sue4466 June 6, 2011 at 10:51 am

Downfisty McTroll needs a life.

UpFistTroll June 6, 2011 at 1:02 pm

No, it really doesn't. The more effort it expends here the less damage it can do in real life.

baconzgood June 6, 2011 at 10:56 am

SARAH PALIN IS A STUPID CUNT!!!!!!

(this comment is 100% snark free)

GOPCrusher June 6, 2011 at 3:13 pm

But historically accurate.

ttommyunger June 6, 2011 at 10:58 am

Even some of my Rightard friends are grumbling about Sarah now, preaching the virtues of infamous bigot Herman Cain to anyone who will listen to them or read their rants. I gotta say, Obama had the perfect setup for a first-ever black POTUS, but Cain could not have pulled it off in his place. You may recall even blacks had their caste system, still do. Poor Herman wouldn't pass the paper bag test even with his own, and he is way too big, black and scary for the average swing voter to pull the lever for. Mittens is going to get the nod, but I'm betting on a Cain Tea Party run to put Barry in for another four years.

SheriffRoscoe June 6, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I've got a few of those friends too. A few of them have soured on Herman Cain though, since he bowed to Political Correctness and reversed his bigotry toward Muslim Americans.

GOPCrusher June 6, 2011 at 3:17 pm

It's amazing to hear these people that claim that Sharia Law and Muslims are creeping into our government, but yet they want America turned into a Xtian theocracy.

ttommyunger June 7, 2011 at 10:38 am

That kind of “tell” can't be reversed. That toothpaste don't go back in the tube.

freakishlywrong June 6, 2011 at 11:00 am

Until the ignorant profiteers that are our shockingly lame excuse for a media start ignoring and marginalizing her shit, we're stuck with her until long after Social Security goes "under water".

GOPCrusher June 6, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Seriously. Mitt Romney announces his run for President lands on page 3 of the New Hampshire paper, while Sarah Palin gets the front page?

Monsieur_Grumpe June 6, 2011 at 11:00 am

Speaking of Mr Peabody and Sherman I found this gem which just might explain where Sarah is getting her history.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeVey3lPEL0

Enjoy!

Steverino247 June 6, 2011 at 11:24 am

I wonder if Todd is a 60 second man…

neiltheblaze June 6, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Todd Palin is known as a minute man too – but for different reasons.

Weenus299 June 6, 2011 at 11:01 am

Pinocchio is a left-wing fascist.

Chillwaver June 6, 2011 at 11:01 am

Silly libruls….every single "Fact Check" can be easily rebutted with the following line:
"BUT OBAMMUR SAID THERE WERE 57 STATES!!!1!!!!!1"

SayItWithWookies June 6, 2011 at 11:03 am

Y'all are just hatin' on Sarah because she stands up for what's right — when that evil Pope had Galileo arrested because he saw an apple fall from a tree and realized that disease is caused by little tiny germs instead of witches, did Galileo just obediently shut up and not bother anybody again? Why yes he did — which is exactly my point. Or something.

BaldarTFlagass June 6, 2011 at 11:14 am

I'd really like to see her do one of those history-of-technology documentaries, like that James Burke guy did with "Connections" or "The Day the Universe Changed." For the lulz.

iburl June 6, 2011 at 11:22 am

Palin
Takes me away
To where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
And soon I will be free

Fantasy
It gets the best of me
When I'm Palin
All caught up in the reverie
Every word is a symphony
Won't you believe me

It's not far back to sanity
At least it's not for me
And when the wind is right you can sail away
And find serenity
The tour bus can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me

Arken June 6, 2011 at 11:30 am

Or a bad campaign.

ChessieNefercat June 6, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Or a fucking idiot.

JustPixelz June 6, 2011 at 11:34 am

I wish someone had asked her about the Boston Tea Party, a subject her TP'er devotees know down to the sub-atomic level*. Hearing her ignorance on that would have been a hoot.
___________________
* of course they don't

BZ1 June 6, 2011 at 11:36 am

Not too late to get Lou Sarah to add a chapter on 'Merican prehistory to the Texas school textbooks…

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 6, 2011 at 11:43 am

Some one should ask her about the war that liberated Alaska from the Imperial Russian grasp.

jus_wonderin June 6, 2011 at 11:58 am

Geez, how short is this fucking bus?????????

Redhead June 6, 2011 at 11:59 am

"a semi-comprehensive list of other major falsehoods the Wasilla Grifter has jabbered into microphones since renting that tour bus."

The WaPo realizes this is nothing new and can basically be applied to everything that's come out of her mouth since McCain plucked her from Alaska and people started actually paying attention to her verbal diarrhea, right? (I know, I know, it's WaPo so no.)

SorosBot June 6, 2011 at 12:45 pm

This is the mainstream media; no matter how many times a conservative lies, they will continue to treat everything they say credulously as if the wingnut is acting in good faith (see also: Andrew Breitbart).

FlownOver June 6, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I'm guessing zombie, except for the part about wanting brains.

AJWjr. June 6, 2011 at 1:24 pm

They've done her no good in life, so why screw with a sure thing?

WABishop June 6, 2011 at 12:59 pm

The North will rise again!

real_dc_native June 6, 2011 at 1:19 pm

I think everyone is missing the point. This is a reality show sponsored by Fox News to generate mindless dribble for them to report. The more outrageous she is the better their ratings are. Then they don't have to report on boring stuff like the destruction of Medicare or cuts to VA benefits.

We are Rome and she is the circus.

RadioJr. June 6, 2011 at 1:22 pm

There is , however, one indisputable fact that she did not get wrong — she QUIIT.

Soylent Green June 6, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Sadly, she'll likely host The History Channel before any of us.

SorosBot June 6, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Her version of "history" fits right in with shows like Ancient Aliens, The Nostradamus Effect and Only in America with Larry the Cable Guy.

easybaked June 6, 2011 at 4:44 pm

You may laugh – but just wait until she strengthens the historic bond with our ally, North Korea, and helps them forge a lasting peace with their neighbors in the Middle East.

axmxz June 6, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Someone hold me. Palin got the Paul Revere ride story right.

I know, I know, broken clock etc. But maybe Harold Camping was right. Maybe the Judgement Day happened, and now we're all in Bizarro World, and God is just fucking with us.

PrimlyStable June 6, 2011 at 7:14 pm

"McConville said he also is not convinced that Palin’s remarks reflect scholarship"

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