flotus files

Obama Ladies Plan Mysterious African Adventure

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Remember late last summer, when Michelle Obama thought it would be fun to take her daughters on a trip to Spain, and then America had a heart attack, because apparently a good First Lady would pretend to be poor as a courtesy to the rest of the country, which is actually poor? Well, great news! Our FLOTUS is about to embark upon her Summer Madness Tour once again, and this time, she’s skipping the Spanish mosques and heading to a continent that is still likely to offend Americans, somehow. Our FLOTUS is off to Africa!

Michelle Obama’s African vacation is coming up at the end of this month, and she is probably busy planning all of her excursions. (Right now her itinerary reads: Pray in all the mosques they have, hand out Benjamins and celery sticks to all the African street children.)

Don’t forget the sunscreen: It’s summer travel time for the female members of the first family — they’re headed to southern Africa this month.

First lady Michelle Obama announced Friday she will visit Johannesburg and Cape Town, South Africa and Gaborone, Botswana on June 21-26, accompanied by daughters Malia and Sasha, and by her mother, Marian Robinson.

Grandma’s coming, so Michelle must mean business. Perhaps this is an effort to recruit future African-born, American presidents?

Obama’s office said the trip will be a continuation of the first lady’s effort to encourage young people at home and abroad, a traditional first-lady project which Obama has taken up with zeal. World travel also is traditional for first ladies: Obama has already picked up a slew of stamps in her passport, with visits to Brazil, Chile, El Salvador, India and Mexico, not to mention the glittering capitals of Europe. Obama hopes to underscore America’s continuing interest in the success of African nations and strengthen historic connections between Americans and Africans.

What exactly is our FLOTUS “encouraging” young people to do? Will she be taking her new Vegetable Platter with her? Hopefully there will at least one fabulous safari. Our FLOTUS sure can wear that khaki. [USA Today]

Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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  • samsuncle

    Will this be a bus tour? I hear they are very popular these days and they attract a lot of lame stream media attention.

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      The "One (Fat Ass) Nation Tour."

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Politico commenters get crazy racist on this in 3..2..1..

    • Mahousu

      You can leave off the 3 and 2 there.

  • user-of-owls

    Oh. No.

    Tell me they did not lead with: "Don’t forget the sunscreen."

    Please, just tell me they did not do that.

    • Terry

      You know, of course, people of color can get sunburns, too. Especially when going from temperate to tropical areas.

      • user-of-owls

        Yes, I know, of course, that people of color can get sunburns too. Especially when going from temperate to tropical areas!

        Leaving elementary biological realities aside for the moment, try to put yourself in the mindset of an ALL-CAPS, Skoal Rebel, illiterate racist commenter in pretty much any venue. Now, in that mindset, read that phrase again:

        "Don’t forget the sunscreen."

        NOW do you see my point?

      • SorosBot

        But they're going to South Africa, which is fairly temperate, and during the winter. Someone needs to tell the writer about the Equator and how seasons work.

        • user-of-owls

          I'm sure Palin would be happy to explain. Hmm, how would that go?

          • MissTaken

            I imagine a lot of:

            "Well, see Jesus said Let There Be Light and then there was light, and it was good. And then, you know, Jesus, riding a horse to warn the British by writing on the Ten Commandments that big government shouldn't crowd out the private sector and so then there were tides coming in and going out. And then at Christmas Baby Jesus was born, but since it was winter and cold, Mary, the original Mama Grizzly, placed him on a basket in the Nile for the Pharaoh's daughter to find him. And that is why we have seasons."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Good thing the Prez isn't going, otherwise they would have to go to Half-rica.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Henry Louis Gates has already ordered up a bunch of blood work and determined that America IS Half-rica.

      • horsedreamer_1

        But at least when the GOP has Barry thrown in the brig, he'll only have to pay a quarter mil for bail.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if she will pay a visit to District 9 while she is in Jo-Burg. See some real illegal alien problems…

    • mereoblivion

      Pron is dead, Prawns rule!

  • DashboardBuddha

    "Perhaps this is an effort to recruit future African-born, American presidents?"

    Well, you know …getting a likely family to put up a qualified son to marry an American woman and then getting the logistics set up so it looks like the progeny of this union is a "natural" citizen doesn't happen by itself.

  • Goonemeritus

    I look forward to news coverage of her enjoying Jo-Burg's fantastic music scene.

  • user-of-owls

    I'm sorely disappointed in this itinerary. Michelle missed a golden opportunity to visit the capital of Burkina Faso (nee Upper Volta): Ouagadougou.

    A city whose name, come to think of it, sounds like something that would ooze out of Palin's mouth.

    • sausnetz

      just back from Ouaga. They are busy holding off armed mutiny against the Prez.

    • zhubajie

      Home of the famous Ouaga Music Festival and Film Festival!

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Unless AF1 has a gaudy painting of Washington Crossing the Delaware (think Muscular Shirtless Washington carrying an M-60 while on the bow of an aircraft carrier) on its tail and we get Michelle's "interpretation" of General Pickett's charge at Gettysburg then this trip is meaningless.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    I'm sure we'll get some idiotic comments from the "War of Northern Aggression" klan in Congress.
    ~

    • user-of-owls

      Polite people down here call it, "the late unpleasantness."

    • zhubajie

      I call it The War Necessitated by Southron Arrogance.

  • Terry

    Joe and Barry are planning a HUGE kegger

  • DaSandman

    Not sure why the Red States would care about an African trip. I'm pretty sure they don't know where it is.

    Wait, Africa? The one in Virginia and Florida, right?

    • DaRooster

      "Africa? That's where we used to get our 'help' right?"

  • http://theblueelite.blogspot.com simplyblue7

    this trip won't be as bad as previous ones…I hear they're only using half the US Navy to escort them around.

    • GhostBuggy

      What do you think they're prepping the shuttle for right now? The only other question is if they'll let Sasha or Malia fly it.

    • DaRooster

      The one continent it is most needed… what with the pirates and all…

  • riverside68

    My understanding is that Hillary is on substitute patrol duty in the WH, so I doubt there will be too much fun, although a toilet seat or two left up doesn't seem out of the question.

    • Terry

      Jill Biden is still in town. She's seen way worse than Barry could ever dish out.

  • Beetagger

    The plot of this trip sounds like it would make a good black chick flick.

    • user-of-owls

      Round up the usual suspects, who are…?

      • Beetagger

        Whoopi Goldberg can play Michelle and her mom. I'm sure Eddie Murphy wouldn't mind dressing in drag again either.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Wesley Snipes in drag?

        • user-of-owls

          No, mon, Wesley Snipes in jail.

      • user-of-owls

        No, no, no.

        For contemporary Mich-O: Halle Berry (with butt padding);

        For 'future' M-Oba: Della Reese (Note: only to be used in case of Titanic-style flashbacks); and

        For the 'prequel' Michelle-ama: Whoever this year's Raven-Symoné is.

        Now you are free to cast the rest of the roles, have at it!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      The Barry-Michelle Romance is already black chick lit-or-flick.

    • jus_wonderin

      Tyler Perry. For each and all roles?

      • Oblios_Cap

        So you're going with Black Comedy?

  • user-of-owls

    Upper Volta is the bomb.

    • bagofmice

      Watt?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Chicken-bot!

  • ThundercatHo

    I'm going on a safari and I'm going to take Air Force One, broccoli, a camera crew…

    • Nothingisamiss

      A dog, elegant clothing, some fanfare….

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Probably a hip-hop DJ.

    • user-of-owls

      Word is they're booking Rev-Right & the Urban Unrest.

  • Sue4466

    About that Huffpo link: they reported FLOTUS had new tennis shoes? And that was before AOL bought them. Wow.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    Nah, wingnuts fap to that infamous Oprah Winfrey scene from "The Color Purple," playing in an infinite loop…

  • Oblios_Cap

    They're just going over to visit Obama's family. Sort of a "Meet The Grandparents" sort of trip.

  • CZL

    Only because Bill was too busy schtupping chubby Polish girls to bother with pants.

  • Terry

    Joe would book Harvey and the Hubcaps, or perhaps a nice polka band.

    • user-of-owls

      Oompah!!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Brave Combo FTW!

  • mavenmaven

    To Africa the country?

    • mnotrtoo

      South Africa and Botswana to promote blah, blah, blah and Oprah!!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Beat me to it!

  • user-of-owls

    Ok, here's a Monday morning sledgehammer:

    Commenter: Niggas don't need no sun screen.

    Better?

    • Terry

      Yes, thank you!

  • DahBoner

    I don't remember Laura Bush pretending to be poor….

    • Serolf_Divad

      She's white, silly! It would have been unseemely for her to do so.

    • horsedreamer_1

      But I do remember her pretending to be sober.

      • mog253

        And pretending to give a crap about Shrub.

        • orygoon

          In an utterly unconvincing way, IMO.

  • freddymcmurray

    Something something something <insert birf cert jargon here> something something something <insert Kenya here> something something something!!!!!

  • Steverino247

    But how will this affect Sarah Palin?

    • jus_wonderin

      She's going to offset MO trip (as she did with Romney) by driving her bus to Africa.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        She got them special Jesus-walk-on-water tires down at Discount Tires.

  • CapeClod

    I hope Michelle shoots a lion from Marine One.

    • mereoblivion

      Palin's putting off her trip to Africa till she gets permission to shoot a tiger.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Will she be stopping by the hospital where Barack Obama was born?

  • BerkeleyBear

    Does my knowledge of that make me (finally) a minority? Or just a dork?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Oh, come on, everyone should know Fela.

  • user-of-owls

    I was going to go with Paul Revere warning the Equator not to abort our guns, but that'll work too.

  • bflrtsplk

    She's going there special to look for the REAL birf certificate.

  • horsedreamer_1

    You know who else travelled to the Horn of Africa during Northern Hemisphere summer?

    • mereoblivion

      Miles?

    • jus_wonderin

      Khannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • SorosBot

    If Will Smith is involved, then you know he'd insist that one of the girls be played by Willow.

  • ttommyunger

    If a bus is used, I will be looking for the prominent "In Your Face, Crackers!" Banner across the sides of it. Seems to me somebody in that family has balls, still trying to figure out who.

    • guangho

      Michelle obviously.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Nah, President palmer from 24.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Who was also a member of a superstitious, minority religion.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Senegal/Guinea/Mali.

    I'm sorry, "All of them, Owly."

    • user-of-owls

      The Great Defamer.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    FLOTP: First lady of the Planet!

  • vulpes82

    Someone had better warn Africa that there's an uppity Negress coming their way!

    • guangho

      Free Black people in Africa? That ain't right.

  • Sassomatic

    I bet she's going to check on the cryogenically frozen embryos of future socialist/Nazi/Muslim terrorist presidents.

  • anniegetyerfun

    I guess soccer teams in the US are holding vuvuzela days? Saw a bunch of Seattle Sounders fans carrying them around the other day. I try not to pay attention to sports, but if they are going to start handing those things out like candy, I'm skipping the 4th of July celebrations this year. I can handle loud booming sounds, but the constant drone of a vuvuzela might drive me to madness.

  • user-of-owls

    Two words: Yaphet. Kotto.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    God made salt and pepper, and that's good enough for Real Americans™.

  • zhubajie

    BBC World Service covers their music and film festivals in detail, even though it is a French (sortof) speaking country.