do mormons like that kind of thing?

Iowa Rewards Romney’s Visit With a Spanking (In The Polls)

Here is a hilarious poll for your weekend drinking: Obama is beating Romney by 9 points in a survey of Iowa voters. Poor Mittens was even rolling around doing some campaigning amongst the ungrateful Iowans when the poll was conducted at the end of May. What does Romney have to do for these people to like him? Promise them he won’t come back?

From the Des Moines Register:

Romney, the current national frontrunner, does the best of a lineup of five Republicans, but Iowa voters prefer Obama, 49 percent to 40 percent, according to a Public Policy Polling survey released today.

That margin is nearly the same as Obama’s 10-point victory in Iowa in 2008 against Republican U.S. Sen. John McCain, pollster Tom Jensen pointed out in a news release.

Coming in last place with a humiliating 21 point deficit was marshmallow-filled adulterer Newt Gingrich, who has some shiny presents to buy next time he visits Iowa voters.

It’s probably already time for the GOP just to say, screw it, nobody’s running this time, and go raid Herman Cain’s pizza store.

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  1. byepluto

    I would say that a ficus would have a better chance than this field of candidates, but then I remembered how much Republican Jesus hates nature.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      This is my new t-shirt! ONCE YOU VOTE BLACK, YOU NEVER GO BACK

      Thanks. Someone else get right on this.

  2. pinkocommi

    Americans vote for the presidential candidate they'd most like to have a beer with. Mormon Mittens doesn't drink beer. Enough said.

    1. RadioJr.

      Palin, of course, is the candidate they are most likely to have a beer with then fantasize about tongue punching her fartbox.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          I would actually enjoy getting shitfaced drunk with Sarah Palin, provided:

          a) She has terrible laryngitis and can't say a word
          b) She leaves all the kids at home
          c) We're at a place that has a great IPA on tap
          d) She's buying

          You know where to find me Sarah. Your move.

          1. flamingpdog

            Don't hold your breath on that one. I'm not sure she knows where to find her a**hole.

  3. aguacatero

    Slightly off topic, but Ken, in the last week, this Jr. person has called Newt Gingrich “marshmallow-filled adulterer”;
    “bloated little helmet-headed albino twerp”;
    “Giant Whining Baby/Serial Divorcer”; and
    “Sad spherical life-form.”
    Can we please stop the fight and just hire her/him/it?

        1. Jukesgrrl

          The downfister is even offended by THAT remark? So-o-o touchy, even hates Roberts Rules of Order. I thought conservatives liked rules and order.

          1. BerkeleyBear

            Oh they like rules – when they get to change them in the middle of the game.

    1. mourningnmerica

      Ken is waiting for Jay Arr to describe him as "porcine masturbation addict Newt Gingrich" before making it official.

    2. lulzmonger

      shame-allergic human virus
      bloviating gimlet-eyed meat-sack
      corpulent senile hyena
      wife-dumping grimacing pustule

      … hey, this's FUN!

      1. Nixon_So_Fine

        gimlet-eyed meat-sack

        That's not very nice. HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!11!one!!!!!!!!!1!!

    3. easybaked

      grandstanding pusillanimous whiffenpoof
      bulbous smoke-billowing prevaricator
      vacuous diamond-studded humongous

      1. aguacatero

        baying pseudointellectual nitwit
        unctuous self-adulating huckster
        swollen murderer of shame

    4. tcaalaw

      On the flipside though, Wonkette Jr. threatened to get people banned for making fun of Meghan McCain's appearance. That's not change I can believe in!

  4. Barb

    I don't find it a coincidence that Palin was in the area to steal the thunder away from his announcement for the run for office of POTUS. I would like to see one of these guys step up and CRUSH her. Man up, squash her before she lays her eggs and hundreds of little dimwitted spider-lings hatch.

    1. nounverb911

      Just put the Paul Revere disaster on a continuous loop and that should show (theoretically) how stupid she is.

      1. Native_of_SL_UT

        That won't work. She has said shitloads of stuff just as stupid and the people are still following her around and taking her serious. I thought she was done when she said "In what regard, Charlie?"

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Also, I think the Paul Revere tirade is just scratching the surface on our dear Sarah's stupid. I think she has enormous, deep and powerful reserves of stupid of which we have the barest inkling.

          She's a phenom, just barely out of her rookie season. Bless her little heart.

        2. Poindexter718

          She wears her stoopid like a lapel flag pin and her Hover Round legions mistrust anyone not similarly accessorized.

      2. smitallica

        One would think. But I had a LONG facebook "discussion" yesterday with a friend who thinks that her Paul Revere answer was just "taken out of context." We're fucked.

        I hereby propose that Palin's answer be henceforth and forevermore dubbed the "Boston Massacre."

      3. DustBowlBlues

        Stupid? For celebrating Paul Revere's brave stand against the Brits attempt to take away our Second Amendment rights?

        Gunz! It's about gunz. Unlike you pinheads, they don't need no facts in Sarahland.

    2. SpurningBeer

      Rachel Maddow had a wonderful account the other night about how Sarah's Magical History Tour "vacation" bus made a bee-line for New Hampshire, directly through the actual tornado zone in Massachusetts, just after the devastation hit, desperately determined to get there in time to deflect attention from poor old, slightly-less-crazy-and-dickish Mitt, who hasn't yet been forced to say he would kill Medicare a la Paul Ryan.

      Sarah is a Mean Girl. No two ways about it.

      1. Swampgas_Man

        Incredible. Did she at least stop off and make a frowny face at the destruction?

    3. ttommyunger

      Sorry to disagree with such a fecund and brilliant mind, Barb, but I think Sarah is the gift that keeps on giving. She and Bachmann put such a "Jason" face on the Right that the all-important swing (read sane) voters are horrified by everything connected to them. This is the same gift Dubya presented Obama, which is the main reason we have a black POTUS today. So long as I have "Mute, Off and FF" she can have all the airtime she can handle; I think it is a win for progressives, ultimately. Face it, her minions would never vote for Barry anyway, regardless.

      1. Barb

        You make a most excellent point, tTommy.
        I just read an article where Alec Baldwin called Romney a "Ken doll"
        I don't wish to disparage any of the Palin children but one of them made the National Enquirer this week.

        1. ttommyunger

          No, by all means lets not disparage her choice of stage props. Alec will prolly be hearing from Ken Dolls across the Country. Even I, who've never been partial to dolls even as a youth, recognize Ken as a personality powerhouse compared to the Mittster, also, too.

    4. mayor_quimby

      I agree. For Romney to say "I may be boring, but at least I can string together a sentence, unlike this ass-clown with fake glasses. "
      I foresee a vicious whisper campaign of absurd, but true stories about $arah that just sink her battleship. I really don't think there's any way the rest of the field will accept her as a candidate lying down (so to speak, grossly)

      1. flamingpdog

        Friday, Friday, Gettin' down on Friday, Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend.

    1. mourningnmerica

      God, I had forgotten how perfectly Republican that video was. I liked the part where the negro goes flying into the fence. The Independence cops must have been right off camera.

  5. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Wait till Lou Sarah gets to Des Moines to go see the Liberty Bell.

    Then Real America will see past all your fancy statistics, pollin' and gotcha' questions.

    Of course they'll be in a bit of a pickle if the charge wears down on their Hoverounds, but they'll still see past that East-Coast fanciness.

    1. mourningnmerica

      With all that synthetic oil in his hair, you'd think he'd go over bigger in Iowa.

      1. flamingpdog

        Clinton got his hair done at an airport, Edwards got his done for $400. I guess the Mittster gets his done for $29.95 at JiffyLube.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          And the tenth one's free with the frequent-buyer card. How could they not admire such fiscal restraint?

      2. mayor_quimby

        Mitt is surely too dumb and cheap to use synthetic, he's a budget cutting takeover wizard. He'll steal the oil outta your car and then buy the seized engine from you at a discount, then ship it to India to be scrapped. Am I getting this oil metaphor right? I'm trying, but I've been drinking and bbq'ing all day.

        1. DahBoner

          True dat.

          I wonder how many factories in Iowa the Mittster bought, shut down and shipped the jobs to India?

          How many out of work Hawkeyes does it take to elect this idiot?

    2. OhNoGuy

      He's gettin' that Harold Stassen look in his eyes though.

      This could yield decades of dullness.

  6. bumfug

    So Romney finally figured out that the wacky cocksuckers who have taken over the republican party wouldn't vote for him if Abe Lincoln and Jesus Christ came to town to run his campaign so he just now broke down and decided, "Fuck 'em, I'll tell the truth about at least one thing so maybe I won't burn in hell for all eternity" and said that yeah, the earth's climate is warming and yeah, people had something to do with it. It must really suck to be a republican and still have the tattered remnants of a soul.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Fuck 'em, I'll tell the truth about at least one thing…"

      Yeah, that worked out so well for the Newtster.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          Oh, just an off-hand, honest remark about Ryan's Medicare plan being "right-wing social engineering" and "radical". The wingnut flying monkeys were chewing his face off within hours.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        I could see him doing it, after he realizes he's toast. He'll also admit that the worst part of "Obamacare" is that is doesn't go nearly as far towards universal coverage as Romneycare.

        I see Mitt as a clown, but actually, in his heart, a decent person, like he was when he was gov of MA. His problem is he's currently deluded that he can be president, and like so many others, willing to say and do whatever he thinks it takes.

        Hillary went through this same thing, late 2007 – mid 2008. It was not pretty.

        1. bumfug

          One by one, as they realize that no matter how much tea party dick they suck they'll never be a nominee, they'll start undermining the party-line bullshit.
          Haley Barbour admits that, yeah it's fucking insane to not help disaster victims and Romney lets slip that we're fucked environmentally. What's it gonna take, a day or two before some other republican says publicly that maybe, just maybe, effective regulation might help keep deadly new strains of e coli from killing a shit-load of people. One by one the sane ones will be putting their boots in the ass of the douchenozzles that dominate the party. The good news is it'll be too late – fuck 'em, they sucked the poison tit, now let 'em die.

        2. MinAgain

          I agree. Mitt's real problem is timing. It's about two decades too late for his kind of Republican.

          1. MinAgain

            I got downfisted for this comment? Well, I guess that'll teach me to say anything nice about Mitt Romney.

          2. Lascauxcaveman

            Min, they don't downfist you because of what you said, they downfist you because you exist in the forum known as Wonkette.

            They don't even bother to read the comments. They wouldn't understand most of them if they did.

    2. zhubajie

      "It must really suck to be a republican and still have the tattered remnants of a soul. "
      I know a number of such people and their lot is indeed pitiful. Although they don't have to remain in the next with the cuckoos if they don't want to!

    3. Jukesgrrl

      I thought Abe Lincoln and Jesus Christ were on the Grifter's bus. Somebody has to watch Diddley and Doohickey while Mom and Dad are renewing their vows for the 8,000th time in the bathroom stall.

  7. bumfug

    Off now to listen to an old friend go on to tell stories about Harry Shearer (did you know that Harry Shearer was in the original pilot for Leave It To Beaver as the Eddie Haskell-type character?).Go listen to it, it's on 10 – 12 pm PST.
    It's the Studio 1A show.

      1. bumfug

        Um, did I mention he's not on at the beginning? It's the right show though because the host mentioned his name (Doug Ferrarri) and I guess after the reggae and the Wayne's World imitation he'll be on.

    1. bflrtsplk

      Speaking of Eddie Haskell, this week was the birthday of one Ken Osmond, who played the two-faced creep for all of the Leave It To Beaver run, save the original pilot.

      Why, you look very nice today, Mrs. Cleaver.

      Thank you Eddie.

    1. zhubajie

      "It must really suck to be a republican and still have the tattered remnants of a soul. " Yes, it does. I know a number of them and I wish they'd just leave for a monastery or something.

  8. PuckStopsHere

    I predict a caucus win here for Media Whore Sarah Palin as NOTHING of historical importance has EVER occurred in Iowa. She will therefore not be called upon to explain (and subsequently cock up the explanation of) any past events. She'll come across as a goddamn intellectual. Which, to many Iowans, she is.

    1. flamingpdog

      No, no, no, everyone knows that Moses, Jesus, David and Goliath, and Betsy Ross wrote the Declaration of Independence in Des Moines on a pillar of salt with two pens of every kind, filled with corn ethanol ink, and took the word to all the lands while riding on a dinosaur that they borrowed from the Creation Museum, which Thomas Jefferson founded in 1776 while he was fighting to end slavery along with all the other Founding Fathers. Squirmish!

      1. UW8316154

        And aborted feti rose to heaven as blessed little angels sitting next to the sky-god Gandalf and his blessed Son, He Who Shall No Longer Be Named.

    2. PsycWench

      Until she talks about how Iowa is known for its great potatoes, which provide the chips for which we Americans are known, and also the fries, some of which are curly,

  9. CthuNHu

    Yeah, he was in Manchester this morning doing some hard-core faux-patriotism Tenth-Amendment pandering. He apparently has a shiny new "win over these maleducated Tea Party fellows" speech that he showed off at his announcement yesterday, and thought he'd memorized well enough to take it on the road.

    If on Thursday afternoon, when you come to a certain point in your supposedly extemporaneous self-revelation, you say, "Obama's in the third year of a four-year term," and on Friday morning, when you come to that point, you say, "Obama's in his fourth term," you just might be a giant animatronic Ken Doll whose human impersonation abilities have so degraded that they can no longer even fool a significant portion of the lop-eared paranoiac idiocy fetishists who have come to dominate Republican primary elections.

    1. CthuNHu

      Excuse me? He most certainly does.

      However, Republicans have also gone full wingnut and full moron, and he doesn't qualify for that.

      He's doing his darndest to look like he does, though.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Is it even possible to go sufficiently wingnut, sufficiently moron, and sufficiently douche to win the nomination, without the general electorate refusing to elect such a moronic, wingnut douche?

        I think not. (And I pray that I'm right.)

    2. mourningnmerica

      If only the Mormans (get it?) hadn't agreed to let darkies into heaven in 1978, he'd have the nomination wrapped up. Man he was THAT close…

    3. zhubajie

      Why not just settle for being Gov. of Utah or Pope of Salt Lake City or something?

        1. flamingpdog

          Conversely, my daughter, a converted Mormon who doesn't live in Utah, says even Mormons who live outside Utah consider Utah Mormons weird. No snark.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            There has to be something to that, since all the Morms I meet in my town seem almost like norms.

            Just clean-cut, polite and prosperous folks who don't get any hot cocoa. Of course I make it a point not to discuss religion or politics with them.

          2. finallyhappy

            I don't personally know any Mormons- oh, I forgot- the leader of our local hate gays group is a Mormon. She used to be Baptist but converted.

          3. flamingpdog

            That amazing, since Baptists, or at least Southern Baptists consider Mormons a cult, and teach that in church and Sunday School. Has anyone tried to deprogram her yet?

  10. donner_froh

    Iowa voters might remember those heady days of 2007-2008 when David Hildebrand had a volunteer organization in every crummy little town in Iowa, Obama showed up everywhere to give speeches and the campaign rolled through like a big train.

  11. axmxz

    Why not just hire a geriatric actor, dress him up as Reagan, and run him? He'll win the idiotic nostalgia vote, the senile dementia vote, and the hipster meta-vote.

    1. AJWjr.

      They could just put his bullet-ridden jacket on a headless mannequin and it would gain traction.

  12. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Fuckwit McFister is up late.
    Spent a minute to undo the twerp's work.
    Might even do it again, just to make sure he's less than useless.

    1. flamingpdog

      Thanks, Biel. I been on Downfisty watch, too, and looking at a zero at this very moment.

  13. flamingpdog

    I know why Downfisty like to downfist the +1s. He loves looking at the zero because it's a life-size representation of the cross-section of his penis. Monkey-dicks for everyone!

    1. Madam Killjoy

      I'm a lurking upfister and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone! Ignore the trolls; we've got your backs, er, p-ness.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Iowa City … the Paris of the Midwest, they never tire of telling you (but actually it IS a great place … in the not-winter).

  14. iburl

    King Corn shall appoint his representatives all in due time my Wonkette, all in due time. Lady Bachmann, where art thou?

      1. glamourdammerung

        Yeah, but not all states restore voting rights for felony sex offenses with children.

  15. SarahsBush

    If Mittens would just mandate that Republicans have to vote for him, he'd be alright. Right?

  16. mrbubb

    He really thought he would give Iowa a try, but, in the end, he just didn't know the territory!

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        ♫ ♬
        Oh, there's nothin' halfway
        About the Iowa way we treat you
        When we greet you
        With a dissapointing poll

        It's an Iowa kind
        of special "fuck the Mormon
        flip-flop" whom we
        never liked at all…
        ♫ ♬

  17. Negropolis

    What does Romney have to do for these people to like him?

    Throw boxes of Lipton into Boston Harbor whilst offensively dressed-up as the Cleveland Indian's mascot Chief Wahoo whilst surrounded by a Fox News camera crew. Or go out hunting with a friend and shoot him in some non-lethal way. Or be caught on camera revealing that you wouldn't appoint any minorities to your theoretical presidential cabinet. Or wage a campaign questioning whether the president was born a male since they've already questioned his citizenship.

    You know, some crazy shit like that.

      1. Negropolis

        Also, get your own reality show. Tambien. Mitt's Michigan/Massachusetts or something.

  18. Negropolis

    The cat's out of the bag, now, GOP. Iowa has gay marriage –fucking corn country for goodness sake — and a state senate you couldn't even turn in the Red Wave of 2010 that won't let you overturn it. Game over; get over it.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          No, but a shocking number of legislatures are getting away with making an end-run around it to make abortion in their state nearly impossible (note, the rich will always have their private OB/GYNs, so this mainly has an impact on those who depend on insurance or Planned Parenthood for care).

          Many states are mandating so many taxes, fees, and special requirements on abortion providers no one can afford to do them, even if they can find a building owner to rent them space. Other states have mandated that insurance companies must make insurance sold in that state free of abortion services. Several wingnuts in the S. Dak. legislature even introduced a bill that would make killing an abortion provider "justifiable homicide." And I thought the Georgia demand that rape victims must call themselves "rape accusers" was bad …

          1. Negropolis

            I didn't mean to sound like I didn't think a war hasn't been launched on abortion, but it was a flippant/oversimplified remark very much in the spirit of your own reply. Abortion has been consequentially restricted in a few areas of the country, but gay marriage is already outright banned in the vast majority of American jurisdictions, meaning that unlike abortion, they don't even have a federal law or decision they can turn to for legal recourse.

            My only point was the GOP has already lost this war like they have so many other cultural battles where they continue to try to niggle away at something they'll never be able to overturn. Eventually, one of two things happen: they either give up the ghost and quit fighting, or their subversive attempts melt away to the fringe where they become inconsequential.

            It's been clear for some time, now, that at the national level, the GOP has squeezed about all they can out of the marriage issue as they are realistically going to get. There are still a number of states where they can use this as a consequential wedge issue, but even that's quickly changing; everybody can see this.

            Iowa's not going back to the point of where this can be used as a wedge issue. Whether decided by popular vote or a state supreme court, Iowa was a watershed. If their court overturned the ban, any state supreme court can until one of these cases reaches the Supreme Court.

            Lights out. The GOP is already in search of other wedges; it's why were hearing "deficit, deficit, deficit" 24/7 at the national level.

  19. easybaked

    The real reason they don't want Mittens for Prez is the enormous cost to the taxpayers for the renovations to the White House that would be needed to lodge all of his wives and kids.

  20. zhubajie

    Mormons have a history of fleeing to Iowa when in trouble in Missouri, Illinois, etc. But they always leave. Mitt? More of the same.

    1. Rotundo_

      They can truck it in from Florida/Georgia by now, unless Mittens wants to try chewing on the feed corn variety that they make ethanol out of which is hard as gravel. It would make for good television.

  21. Terry

    Keep this poll in mind when colorful Iowans are interviewed during the lead up to the GOP primary. The crazy assed Teabaggers are a minority…everywhere.

  22. Goonemeritus

    I would vote for Obama even if I didn’t prefer to be ruled by hard socialist Kenyan Muslims (and clearly I do). How can you not want to keep living in this post racial utopia? I predict the Tea Party will split off from the Republicans and all move to Arizona.

      1. Goonemeritus

        Idaho has too many Nazis, they do have similar politics but their fashion sense is totally incompatible.

  23. Eve8Apples

    "It’s probably already time for the GOP just to say, screw it, nobody’s running this time, and go raid Herman Cain’s pizza store."

    I would rather go to Tiffany's and charge something to Newt's account.

  24. neiltheblaze

    I don't know if anyone mentioned this, but the Manchester Union Leader – a long time Republican rag, and the paper with the largest circulation in the state of NH – placed Sarah's "historical sights for dummies" tour above Mitt's POTUS run announcement.

    Aside from the schadenfreude rush at the thought that this must have gone a mile and a half up Mitt's clenched, patrician ass, it's a little astonishing that Caribou Barbie looks to be sucking all the oxygen out of the room any time she opens her yap. The Media have become completely brain-dead. Sarah sells, I guess.

    1. easybaked

      You know, that's an interesting, rational posit… Ooh, look! Something shiny over there!!!

    2. Jukesgrrl

      How many days has it been since even MSNBC carried one single story about anything the president has done? Two days … two weeks? It's been nothing but grifters and weiners this week. I'd say Obama should have gone on vacation, but if the did that, there'd be a story about how lazy he is.

    3. AJWjr.

      One need only look a few posts down to see that $arah $ells–over 48K views. Doesn't matter that every view was to see how badly she fucked up the history of Paul Revere, the clickity-clicks don't care.

  25. not that Dewey

    Old Mitt Romney had a cult, E-I-E-I-O
    and in this cult he had some wives, E-I-E-I-O
    with a wife wife here, and a wife wife there
    here a wife, there a wife, everywhere a wife wife
    Old Mitt Romney had a cult, E-I-E-I-O

  26. 4TheTurnstiles

    No snark: the GOP will get out the knives and settle on a boring candidate (maybe Romney, maybe even pulling Mitch Daniels out). This infuriates the teabaggers, who put up Palin or Bachmann. A divided right is great for comedy.

    1. easybaked

      I, for one, dread the upcoming Dem vs. GOP presidential debates. Here's why: because Barry will have to treat his future feeble opponent with kid gloves (mittens?) just to avoid looking like an intellectual bully. Gah!

      1. Jukesgrrl

        At least he's used to it since that's how he has to talk to the public, too, to avoid being called an elitist.

        1. easybaked

          I agree with you, Jukes. But I'm mindful of the 2008 VP debates with Mr. Biden against LouSarah – the Dem team obviously had instructed him to go easy on her. And the good ol' MSM talked about how she didn't make any big mistakes….WTF!!! I still fear we are in for more of the same. Having said that, I really would love to see 'The Bidenizer' tear Michelle Bachman a new one.

  27. ttommyunger

    Mittens needs some color, some charisma in his campaign; some contrast. How about announcing Herman Cain as his running mate. Most divergent salt & pepper team ever! I can see the Bumper Sticker now: Vote for the Wimp and the Pimp-Or Else, Mothafuckka!

      1. Negropolis

        I'd be interested in taking the Tea Party to an Ice T party. That should scare 'em straight.

        1. Bonzos_Bed_Time

          Nah, just hate everyone equally and there will never be any complaints!!! Misanthropy for all!!! Hurray!

  28. x111e7thst

    Neither Rudy G (perpetual president of 911) nor my pet rock were in this poll. How can this be considered fair?

    1. berkeleyfarm

      New here? It's a Wonkerrati favorite.

      To Jr: nice writeup, but needs moar alt-text.

  29. Callyson

    Look out, Buckeye state: here come the hate – Obama ads from the Kochs, in 3…2..1…

  30. weejee

    The GeeOhPee is going down the chute unless they can figure out the zombie Raygun thing.

    Their non-wingnutz are so frickin' dull they couldn't penetrate a sheet of toilet paper if they were fired from a cannon. The Rethug wingnutz stand only slightly better chances than a zombie bin Laden. Daniels will have to toss his family under the bus to run, and that seems unlikely.

    Outside, outside chance (personal wet dream for the top of the GOP ticket) might be trying to recruit the pride of Janesville Paul Ryan. That smug douche would looze even the Hoverounds after the 24/7 ads about him wanting to axe murder Medicare.

    1. finallyhappy

      Shit, I used to be in Janesville quite a lot- well, the strip mall part- I bought my daughter a futon at the Target there- and spent my hard earned dollars at Perkins Pancake House. I am sorry!!

      1. user-of-owls

        Bon mot!!

        The classics never get old. Ok, well some of them do. I'm looking at you, "This is good news for John McCain."

  31. DahBoner

    Obama is beating Romney in IA polls?

    Because Mormon girls don't take off their panties…

  32. user-of-owls

    Just to perk things up a bit when I'm lecturing on British politics, I introduce my students to the Monster Raving Loony Party. How terribly, terribly sad it is to realize that we now have one as well, with two significant differences:

    1) Our MRLP is actually serious

    2) Instead of calling them the Monster Raving Loony Party over here, we simply refer to them as Republicans.

    1. fuflans

      AND our MRLP is our only serious opposition.

      i mean seriously, brits have two major options, one minor option, also greens, at least two facists AND the MRLP.

      we have obama and newt marshmallow-has-been from the 90's.

      i'd give a lot for a john anderson or a ross perot or a ralph nadar at this point.

      1. Negropolis

        To be fair, Labour isn't much of a leftist party, anymore. They're basically 90's U.S. Democrats. Lot's of Third Way bullshit, though the dumping of Blair, Gordon & Co. has changed that a bit. In fact, it seems the UK, the US, Australia and Canada all have a very similar electoral issue which is either a watered down true left (UK, US, Australia and Canada), and/or the left split between various parties and a united rightist party (i.e. UK and Canada).

      1. DahBoner

        At an event in Manchester last week, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, also running for president, said that climate change is "the newest excuse to take control of lives" by "left-wing intellectuals."

        Ha, ha, ha!

        Oh, Newtie, Newtie, Newtie…

      1. Rotundo_

        Every time these guys tell the truth, the base goes freaking nuts and they drop a few more points. They don't seem to really understand that things like facts and reality do not poll well with the people who are being targeted to vote for them. If you tell a rube that you are going to destroy the gummint programs that feed him and put the hoverround under his ass, he is not going to vote for you. If you hork up a load of trash about patriotism, rugged individualism and freedom it will sell, but straight talk leads straight to the electoral shitter. You'd think a republican candidate for anything above dog catcher would understand the concept at this point. They have to have already culled the intelligent and honest out of the pool by now, wouldn't one think?

        1. weejee

          Rotundo_ this is the land of exceptionalism and totally f'ing exceptional are we. The Atlantic has a good one on 'Murican understanding such as:
          • "Muricans believe 25% of Fed budget is spent on foreign aid (less than 1% really)
          • 78% of 'Muricans can name the 3 Stooges but just 42% can name the 3 branches of goobermint.
          • 76% ID as Xtians, but only 45% can name the authors of the 4 Gospels.

          And so it goes.

          and it seems Princess Tiny Meat is busy sucking on everyone's P'ness.

  33. imissopus

    OT, but I'm seeing ads for Porsche. I presume the Teatards will want to threaten a boycott of them any minute. Does Porsche make a hoverround?

    1. Rotundo_

      No, but they now sell 4 door sedans (the Panamera) and SUV's too. I suppose it's in response to the US market. Now that FIAT has bought out Chrysler in large part, maybe the 500 will get marketed as a ride on vehicle for the american m'asses. I just don't see a german manufacturer getting on the lardbucket express.

  34. DaRooster

    So… when do the Repugnants jump ship… and no… I will not ask Joe Lieberman.

    And I do know we don't want Cantor, Ryan or…

  35. Rotundo_

    But every once in a while one of the candidates tells the truth, and it has to be more than accidental on their part. Is it some sort of cry for help? A gesture destined to scuttle the campaign so they don't have to spend any more time pandering to people whose pets have a keener sense of reality than they do? This series of truth telling "accidents" has to have some sort of self destructive pathology to it.

  36. BarackMyWorld

    Everyone wants politicians to be honest, until someone says something honest that's unpopular (in this case unpopular with Republican voters, but an accepted fact for the rest of the world).

  37. SonofSpermcube

    Whenever I see Romney's name, I think of Mr. Burns saying "Maynard G. Muskyvote" except changed to Romney, like "Raymond G Romneyvote"

  38. AJWjr.

    Happy reagan zombification day, everybody! Hard to believe he's been dead for 7 years now–how can we miss him when he won't go away?

  39. Mort_Sinclair

    Okay. Wonkette Jr., given his/her lowly status, needs to work on weekends. WTF???

  40. LetUsBray

    He sure didn't look very dry at the Beijing Olympics. Angela Merkel might have some insights on that point, too.

  41. ttommyunger

    My definition of a swing voter is a Citizen of legal age who is not bat-shit crazy.

  42. Goonemeritus

    Hey I resent that, I myself am swing voter sure I usually vote straight Communist ticket but sometimes the Anarco syndicalists field a charismatic candidate.

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