DO MORMONS LIKE THAT KIND OF THING?  12:16 am June 4, 2011

Iowa Rewards Romney’s Visit With a Spanking (In The Polls)

by Wonkette Jr.

Here is a hilarious poll for your weekend drinking: Obama is beating Romney by 9 points in a survey of Iowa voters. Poor Mittens was even rolling around doing some campaigning amongst the ungrateful Iowans when the poll was conducted at the end of May. What does Romney have to do for these people to like him? Promise them he won’t come back?

From the Des Moines Register:

Romney, the current national frontrunner, does the best of a lineup of five Republicans, but Iowa voters prefer Obama, 49 percent to 40 percent, according to a Public Policy Polling survey released today.

That margin is nearly the same as Obama’s 10-point victory in Iowa in 2008 against Republican U.S. Sen. John McCain, pollster Tom Jensen pointed out in a news release.

Coming in last place with a humiliating 21 point deficit was marshmallow-filled adulterer Newt Gingrich, who has some shiny presents to buy next time he visits Iowa voters.

It’s probably already time for the GOP just to say, screw it, nobody’s running this time, and go raid Herman Cain’s pizza store.

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


nounverb911 June 4, 2011 at 12:20 am

Romney's polling numbers could use some "Romneycare".

Negropolis June 4, 2011 at 3:32 am

I hear Romenycare is like TLC, except with gloves, rope, and car rooftops.

4tehlulz_lite June 4, 2011 at 7:49 am

I think the death panels might have something to say about that.

weejee June 4, 2011 at 11:07 am

I though Mittens already was a zombie

byepluto June 4, 2011 at 12:20 am

I would say that a ficus would have a better chance than this field of candidates, but then I remembered how much Republican Jesus hates nature.

Beetagger June 4, 2011 at 9:17 am

Walmart sells lovely plastic ficus trees…

pinkocommi June 4, 2011 at 12:21 am

Once Iowans vote black, they'll never go back.

drrty_martini June 4, 2011 at 1:25 am

Romney: You nevah get your filla vanilla!

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 1:33 am

Wonkette, Jr. and downfisty – the two peoples who NEVER sleep!

Negropolis June 4, 2011 at 3:33 am

Just Iowans?!

Nothingisamiss June 4, 2011 at 3:03 pm

This is my new t-shirt! ONCE YOU VOTE BLACK, YOU NEVER GO BACK

Thanks. Someone else get right on this.

memzilla June 4, 2011 at 12:22 am

Romney, the current national front failrunner…


pinkocommi June 4, 2011 at 12:24 am

Americans vote for the presidential candidate they'd most like to have a beer with. Mormon Mittens doesn't drink beer. Enough said.

RadioJr. June 4, 2011 at 1:04 am

Palin, of course, is the candidate they are most likely to have a beer with then fantasize about tongue punching her fartbox.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 4, 2011 at 1:28 am

Palin is the candidate most likely to drive people to drink.

Lascauxcaveman June 4, 2011 at 1:37 am

I would actually enjoy getting shitfaced drunk with Sarah Palin, provided:

a) She has terrible laryngitis and can't say a word
b) She leaves all the kids at home
c) We're at a place that has a great IPA on tap
d) She's buying

You know where to find me Sarah. Your move.

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 1:41 am

Don't hold your breath on that one. I'm not sure she knows where to find her a**hole.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 4, 2011 at 7:12 am

I'd have to add one more provision:

e) I don't know she's there.

LetUsBray June 4, 2011 at 11:54 am

"d) She's buying"

Now who's fantasizing?

aguacatero June 4, 2011 at 12:31 am

Slightly off topic, but Ken, in the last week, this Jr. person has called Newt Gingrich “marshmallow-filled adulterer”;
“bloated little helmet-headed albino twerp”;
“Giant Whining Baby/Serial Divorcer”; and
“Sad spherical life-form.”
Can we please stop the fight and just hire her/him/it?

nounverb911 June 4, 2011 at 12:38 am

I second the motion.

MinAgain June 4, 2011 at 3:46 pm

And I call the question.

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 5:32 pm

The downfister is even offended by THAT remark? So-o-o touchy, even hates Roberts Rules of Order. I thought conservatives liked rules and order.

BerkeleyBear June 4, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Oh they like rules – when they get to change them in the middle of the game.

RadioJr. June 4, 2011 at 1:08 am

Don't forget "jabbering imbecile" for you know who.
This person is money in the bank.

donner_froh June 4, 2011 at 1:21 am

I got extra weed (yea) money long like sleeves (yea)

mourningnmerica June 4, 2011 at 1:50 am

Ken is waiting for Jay Arr to describe him as "porcine masturbation addict Newt Gingrich" before making it official.

Beetagger June 4, 2011 at 9:20 am

"Squishy Tiffany-Stained Wretch"

ChurchofRealism June 4, 2011 at 12:21 pm

pasty-faced lard sack
bloated amoral jelly-fish
adulterous amusement park ride
vacuous michelin-man look-alike

Am I doing this right?

Nothingisamiss June 4, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Actually laughing at loud. More!

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Pillow-shaped shit stain

ChurchofRealism June 5, 2011 at 12:13 am

porcine stepford wife test-driver
mucus-filled Pillsbury Doughboy
duplicitous hairy-backed orca
Red faced Boston-creme filled reprobate

lulzmonger June 4, 2011 at 1:41 pm

shame-allergic human virus
bloviating gimlet-eyed meat-sack
corpulent senile hyena
wife-dumping grimacing pustule

… hey, this's FUN!

Nixon_So_Fine June 4, 2011 at 2:00 pm

gimlet-eyed meat-sack

That's not very nice. HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!11!one!!!!!!!!!1!!

Lascauxcaveman June 4, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Bilious Tweedle-Dee Body Double.

easybaked June 4, 2011 at 11:29 pm

grandstanding pusillanimous whiffenpoof
bulbous smoke-billowing prevaricator
vacuous diamond-studded humongous

aguacatero June 6, 2011 at 12:48 am

baying pseudointellectual nitwit
unctuous self-adulating huckster
swollen murderer of shame

BelleSC June 6, 2011 at 9:24 am

LOVING the hyphenated adjectives!

tcaalaw June 6, 2011 at 9:26 am

On the flipside though, Wonkette Jr. threatened to get people banned for making fun of Meghan McCain's appearance. That's not change I can believe in!

Barb June 4, 2011 at 12:34 am

I don't find it a coincidence that Palin was in the area to steal the thunder away from his announcement for the run for office of POTUS. I would like to see one of these guys step up and CRUSH her. Man up, squash her before she lays her eggs and hundreds of little dimwitted spider-lings hatch.

yyyaz June 4, 2011 at 12:40 am

I'll have what you're having. Make it a double.

nounverb911 June 4, 2011 at 12:41 am

Just put the Paul Revere disaster on a continuous loop and that should show (theoretically) how stupid she is.

Native_of_SL_UT June 4, 2011 at 1:29 am

That won't work. She has said shitloads of stuff just as stupid and the people are still following her around and taking her serious. I thought she was done when she said "In what regard, Charlie?"

Lascauxcaveman June 4, 2011 at 1:42 am

Also, I think the Paul Revere tirade is just scratching the surface on our dear Sarah's stupid. I think she has enormous, deep and powerful reserves of stupid of which we have the barest inkling.

She's a phenom, just barely out of her rookie season. Bless her little heart.

Negropolis June 4, 2011 at 3:36 am

Untapped resevoirs of stupid, even.

Drill, baby; DRILL!

easybaked June 4, 2011 at 4:26 am

Frak her!

mourningnmerica June 4, 2011 at 1:51 am

Welcome to Retard Nation.

mourningnmerica June 4, 2011 at 1:54 am

"Like as in Doctorin', like Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman?"

Poindexter718 June 4, 2011 at 7:47 am

She wears her stoopid like a lapel flag pin and her Hover Round legions mistrust anyone not similarly accessorized.

smitallica June 5, 2011 at 10:40 am

One would think. But I had a LONG facebook "discussion" yesterday with a friend who thinks that her Paul Revere answer was just "taken out of context." We're fucked.

I hereby propose that Palin's answer be henceforth and forevermore dubbed the "Boston Massacre."

DustBowlBlues June 5, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Stupid? For celebrating Paul Revere's brave stand against the Brits attempt to take away our Second Amendment rights?

Gunz! It's about gunz. Unlike you pinheads, they don't need no facts in Sarahland.

fuflans June 4, 2011 at 12:51 am

as a girl, i have to say i love you for that comment.

SpurningBeer June 4, 2011 at 8:27 am

Rachel Maddow had a wonderful account the other night about how Sarah's Magical History Tour "vacation" bus made a bee-line for New Hampshire, directly through the actual tornado zone in Massachusetts, just after the devastation hit, desperately determined to get there in time to deflect attention from poor old, slightly-less-crazy-and-dickish Mitt, who hasn't yet been forced to say he would kill Medicare a la Paul Ryan.

Sarah is a Mean Girl. No two ways about it.

Swampgas_Man June 4, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Incredible. Did she at least stop off and make a frowny face at the destruction?

ttommyunger June 4, 2011 at 10:27 am

Sorry to disagree with such a fecund and brilliant mind, Barb, but I think Sarah is the gift that keeps on giving. She and Bachmann put such a "Jason" face on the Right that the all-important swing (read sane) voters are horrified by everything connected to them. This is the same gift Dubya presented Obama, which is the main reason we have a black POTUS today. So long as I have "Mute, Off and FF" she can have all the airtime she can handle; I think it is a win for progressives, ultimately. Face it, her minions would never vote for Barry anyway, regardless.

Barb June 4, 2011 at 10:44 am

You make a most excellent point, tTommy.
I just read an article where Alec Baldwin called Romney a "Ken doll"
I don't wish to disparage any of the Palin children but one of them made the National Enquirer this week.

ttommyunger June 4, 2011 at 10:56 am

No, by all means lets not disparage her choice of stage props. Alec will prolly be hearing from Ken Dolls across the Country. Even I, who've never been partial to dolls even as a youth, recognize Ken as a personality powerhouse compared to the Mittster, also, too.

Barb June 4, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Ken and Mitt have a common bond in that neither of them has a male member to speak of.

mayor_quimby June 4, 2011 at 9:53 pm

I agree. For Romney to say "I may be boring, but at least I can string together a sentence, unlike this ass-clown with fake glasses. "
I foresee a vicious whisper campaign of absurd, but true stories about $arah that just sink her battleship. I really don't think there's any way the rest of the field will accept her as a candidate lying down (so to speak, grossly)

nedbeaumontjr June 6, 2011 at 6:34 am

Gotta nuke her from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Buzz Feedback June 4, 2011 at 12:40 am

Time to tie Willard to the top of the station wagon.

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Pack him in fudge first.

mavenmaven June 4, 2011 at 12:40 am

Its Friday night, and time to finally say that there's only one this one man who can save the GOP:

trampndirtdown June 4, 2011 at 12:45 am

Aughh I've been Rickrolled.

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 1:05 am

Friday, Friday, Gettin' down on Friday, Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend.

mourningnmerica June 4, 2011 at 2:01 am

God, I had forgotten how perfectly Republican that video was. I liked the part where the negro goes flying into the fence. The Independence cops must have been right off camera.

finallyhappy June 4, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Who- the black guy or the blond. Both are perfect GOP material!

Bonzos_Bed_Time June 4, 2011 at 12:46 am

Wait till Lou Sarah gets to Des Moines to go see the Liberty Bell.

Then Real America will see past all your fancy statistics, pollin' and gotcha' questions.

Of course they'll be in a bit of a pickle if the charge wears down on their Hoverounds, but they'll still see past that East-Coast fanciness.

WordSaladNation June 4, 2011 at 1:19 pm

"Des Moines" is pronounced "Dee's Mayonnaise" in Palin-speak.

Bonzos_Bed_Time June 4, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Lets hope she gets it that close…

fuflans June 4, 2011 at 12:53 am

this is good news for john mccain.

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2011 at 10:33 am

That meme has been revised to "Herman Cain" through 2013.

donner_froh June 4, 2011 at 12:53 am

Mitt Romney–the man too dull for the state that elects Chuck Grassley.

mourningnmerica June 4, 2011 at 2:03 am

With all that synthetic oil in his hair, you'd think he'd go over bigger in Iowa.

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 11:31 am

Clinton got his hair done at an airport, Edwards got his done for $400. I guess the Mittster gets his done for $29.95 at JiffyLube.

V572 [SSAN] June 4, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Just be sure they don't strip the threads on the drain plug!

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 5:40 pm

And the tenth one's free with the frequent-buyer card. How could they not admire such fiscal restraint?

mayor_quimby June 4, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Mitt is surely too dumb and cheap to use synthetic, he's a budget cutting takeover wizard. He'll steal the oil outta your car and then buy the seized engine from you at a discount, then ship it to India to be scrapped. Am I getting this oil metaphor right? I'm trying, but I've been drinking and bbq'ing all day.

DahBoner June 5, 2011 at 9:41 pm

True dat.

I wonder how many factories in Iowa the Mittster bought, shut down and shipped the jobs to India?

How many out of work Hawkeyes does it take to elect this idiot?

zhubajie June 4, 2011 at 4:51 am

It's to make him leave, I'm sure. Steve King, too.

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 5:41 pm

They're bored by his proper spelling.

OhNoGuy June 4, 2011 at 10:03 pm

He's gettin' that Harold Stassen look in his eyes though.

This could yield decades of dullness.

bumfug June 4, 2011 at 12:54 am

So Romney finally figured out that the wacky cocksuckers who have taken over the republican party wouldn't vote for him if Abe Lincoln and Jesus Christ came to town to run his campaign so he just now broke down and decided, "Fuck 'em, I'll tell the truth about at least one thing so maybe I won't burn in hell for all eternity" and said that yeah, the earth's climate is warming and yeah, people had something to do with it. It must really suck to be a republican and still have the tattered remnants of a soul.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 4, 2011 at 1:32 am

"Fuck 'em, I'll tell the truth about at least one thing…"

Yeah, that worked out so well for the Newtster.

bumfug June 4, 2011 at 1:44 am

Worked out when he told the truth about exactly what?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 4, 2011 at 7:09 am

Oh, just an off-hand, honest remark about Ryan's Medicare plan being "right-wing social engineering" and "radical". The wingnut flying monkeys were chewing his face off within hours.

Lascauxcaveman June 4, 2011 at 1:49 am

I could see him doing it, after he realizes he's toast. He'll also admit that the worst part of "Obamacare" is that is doesn't go nearly as far towards universal coverage as Romneycare.

I see Mitt as a clown, but actually, in his heart, a decent person, like he was when he was gov of MA. His problem is he's currently deluded that he can be president, and like so many others, willing to say and do whatever he thinks it takes.

Hillary went through this same thing, late 2007 – mid 2008. It was not pretty.

bumfug June 4, 2011 at 2:41 am

One by one, as they realize that no matter how much tea party dick they suck they'll never be a nominee, they'll start undermining the party-line bullshit.
Haley Barbour admits that, yeah it's fucking insane to not help disaster victims and Romney lets slip that we're fucked environmentally. What's it gonna take, a day or two before some other republican says publicly that maybe, just maybe, effective regulation might help keep deadly new strains of e coli from killing a shit-load of people. One by one the sane ones will be putting their boots in the ass of the douchenozzles that dominate the party. The good news is it'll be too late – fuck 'em, they sucked the poison tit, now let 'em die.

MinAgain June 4, 2011 at 3:49 pm

I agree. Mitt's real problem is timing. It's about two decades too late for his kind of Republican.

MinAgain June 4, 2011 at 5:06 pm

I got downfisted for this comment? Well, I guess that'll teach me to say anything nice about Mitt Romney.

zhubajie June 4, 2011 at 4:52 am

"It must really suck to be a republican and still have the tattered remnants of a soul. "
I know a number of such people and their lot is indeed pitiful. Although they don't have to remain in the next with the cuckoos if they don't want to!

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 5:50 pm

I thought Abe Lincoln and Jesus Christ were on the Grifter's bus. Somebody has to watch Diddley and Doohickey while Mom and Dad are renewing their vows for the 8,000th time in the bathroom stall.

DahBoner June 5, 2011 at 9:54 pm

"Fuck 'em, I'll tell the truth about at least one thing.."


flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 12:55 am

"a candidate running a lean campaign"
Vote for Mitt – the ANTI-Chris Christie!

mourningnmerica June 4, 2011 at 2:04 am

Or "…More Christy that Christie…."

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 5:45 pm

I don't think that's possible without courting a heart attack or diabetes.

bumfug June 4, 2011 at 1:00 am

Off now to listen to an old friend go on to tell stories about Harry Shearer (did you know that Harry Shearer was in the original pilot for Leave It To Beaver as the Eddie Haskell-type character?).Go listen to it, it's on 10 – 12 pm PST.
It's the Studio 1A show.

trampndirtdown June 4, 2011 at 1:05 am

thanks for the tip I'm on it.

bumfug June 4, 2011 at 1:36 am

Um, did I mention he's not on at the beginning? It's the right show though because the host mentioned his name (Doug Ferrarri) and I guess after the reggae and the Wayne's World imitation he'll be on.

bflrtsplk June 4, 2011 at 8:47 am

Speaking of Eddie Haskell, this week was the birthday of one Ken Osmond, who played the two-faced creep for all of the Leave It To Beaver run, save the original pilot.

Why, you look very nice today, Mrs. Cleaver.

Thank you Eddie.

chascates June 4, 2011 at 1:03 am

Oh, and fuck ethanol subsidies too!

Lascauxcaveman June 4, 2011 at 1:51 am


zhubajie June 4, 2011 at 4:54 am

"It must really suck to be a republican and still have the tattered remnants of a soul. " Yes, it does. I know a number of them and I wish they'd just leave for a monastery or something.

PuckStopsHere June 4, 2011 at 1:05 am

I predict a caucus win here for Media Whore Sarah Palin as NOTHING of historical importance has EVER occurred in Iowa. She will therefore not be called upon to explain (and subsequently cock up the explanation of) any past events. She'll come across as a goddamn intellectual. Which, to many Iowans, she is.

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 1:22 am

No, no, no, everyone knows that Moses, Jesus, David and Goliath, and Betsy Ross wrote the Declaration of Independence in Des Moines on a pillar of salt with two pens of every kind, filled with corn ethanol ink, and took the word to all the lands while riding on a dinosaur that they borrowed from the Creation Museum, which Thomas Jefferson founded in 1776 while he was fighting to end slavery along with all the other Founding Fathers. Squirmish!

UW8316154 June 4, 2011 at 1:56 am

And aborted feti rose to heaven as blessed little angels sitting next to the sky-god Gandalf and his blessed Son, He Who Shall No Longer Be Named.

OhNoGuy June 4, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Founding fathers only ended 2/5ths of slavery.

PsycWench June 4, 2011 at 9:42 am

Until she talks about how Iowa is known for its great potatoes, which provide the chips for which we Americans are known, and also the fries, some of which are curly,

insidebeltway June 4, 2011 at 6:14 pm

But not French.

AJWjr. June 5, 2011 at 11:59 am

Yay, another Spudnut Moment!

CthuNHu June 4, 2011 at 1:11 am

Yeah, he was in Manchester this morning doing some hard-core faux-patriotism Tenth-Amendment pandering. He apparently has a shiny new "win over these maleducated Tea Party fellows" speech that he showed off at his announcement yesterday, and thought he'd memorized well enough to take it on the road.

If on Thursday afternoon, when you come to a certain point in your supposedly extemporaneous self-revelation, you say, "Obama's in the third year of a four-year term," and on Friday morning, when you come to that point, you say, "Obama's in his fourth term," you just might be a giant animatronic Ken Doll whose human impersonation abilities have so degraded that they can no longer even fool a significant portion of the lop-eared paranoiac idiocy fetishists who have come to dominate Republican primary elections.

fuflans June 4, 2011 at 1:11 am

sorry mittens, republicans have gone full douche and you don't qualify.

CthuNHu June 4, 2011 at 1:20 am

Excuse me? He most certainly does.

However, Republicans have also gone full wingnut and full moron, and he doesn't qualify for that.

He's doing his darndest to look like he does, though.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 4, 2011 at 1:36 am

Is it even possible to go sufficiently wingnut, sufficiently moron, and sufficiently douche to win the nomination, without the general electorate refusing to elect such a moronic, wingnut douche?

I think not. (And I pray that I'm right.)

mourningnmerica June 4, 2011 at 2:09 am

If only the Mormans (get it?) hadn't agreed to let darkies into heaven in 1978, he'd have the nomination wrapped up. Man he was THAT close…

zhubajie June 4, 2011 at 4:56 am

Why not just settle for being Gov. of Utah or Pope of Salt Lake City or something?

HistoriCat June 4, 2011 at 7:44 am

Even other Mormons don't respect Mittens.

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 11:39 am

Conversely, my daughter, a converted Mormon who doesn't live in Utah, says even Mormons who live outside Utah consider Utah Mormons weird. No snark.

Lascauxcaveman June 4, 2011 at 8:53 pm

There has to be something to that, since all the Morms I meet in my town seem almost like norms.

Just clean-cut, polite and prosperous folks who don't get any hot cocoa. Of course I make it a point not to discuss religion or politics with them.

Weenus299 June 4, 2011 at 1:12 am

Romneymania is still dormant. Romneyntum will soon take over by October.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 4, 2011 at 1:39 am

And Romneyrreah in 2012.

BarackMyWorld June 4, 2011 at 1:59 am

There's still Pawlenty of time.

lulzmonger June 4, 2011 at 1:47 pm

DIRTY SECRET = The GOP has Newticles.

donner_froh June 4, 2011 at 1:12 am

Iowa voters might remember those heady days of 2007-2008 when David Hildebrand had a volunteer organization in every crummy little town in Iowa, Obama showed up everywhere to give speeches and the campaign rolled through like a big train.

RadioJr. June 4, 2011 at 1:13 am

The Mitts ought to whack Ahmadinejad, street cred, yo.

smokefilledroommate June 4, 2011 at 2:01 am

Victory chant: Who let the dogs out.. [after 11pm even !]

axmxz June 4, 2011 at 1:27 am

Why not just hire a geriatric actor, dress him up as Reagan, and run him? He'll win the idiotic nostalgia vote, the senile dementia vote, and the hipster meta-vote.

AJWjr. June 4, 2011 at 1:35 am

They could just put his bullet-ridden jacket on a headless mannequin and it would gain traction.

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 1:38 am

There you go again!
Again and also.

UpFistTroll June 4, 2011 at 11:01 am

Psht. I was meta-voting way before it was cool.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 4, 2011 at 1:41 am

Fuckwit McFister is up late.
Spent a minute to undo the twerp's work.
Might even do it again, just to make sure he's less than useless.

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 1:55 am

Thanks, Biel. I been on Downfisty watch, too, and looking at a zero at this very moment.

RadioJr. June 4, 2011 at 2:07 am

Got you less than zero, and upfists for everybody upthread.

UW8316154 June 4, 2011 at 1:58 am

I just gave you a reach-around to show you my love.

BarackMyWorld June 4, 2011 at 1:58 am
flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 2:02 am

I know why Downfisty like to downfist the +1s. He loves looking at the zero because it's a life-size representation of the cross-section of his penis. Monkey-dicks for everyone!

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 2:04 am

And now his sister, Mrs. Downfisty, is on the job, too.

smokefilledroommate June 4, 2011 at 2:23 am

Would that be 'Sister Fister'?

smokefilledroommate June 4, 2011 at 2:14 am

Oh c'mon–who gives a shit about Dimfart Downfister? Just ignore him/her/it, plus 1 all around, don't forget to get down and always be funky. Hmmph.

Madam Killjoy June 4, 2011 at 8:09 pm

I'm a lurking upfister and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone! Ignore the trolls; we've got your backs, er, p-ness.

DerrickWildcat June 4, 2011 at 2:34 am

Iowa is one of the better States.

zhubajie June 4, 2011 at 4:57 am

Beats Ohio.

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Iowa City … the Paris of the Midwest, they never tire of telling you (but actually it IS a great place … in the not-winter).

finallyhappy June 4, 2011 at 9:20 pm

I think I was there- briefly – on my way to Grinnell(for a day)

gvvt June 5, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Second prize, two days in Grinnell

iburl June 4, 2011 at 2:46 am

King Corn shall appoint his representatives all in due time my Wonkette, all in due time. Lady Bachmann, where art thou?

DerrickWildcat June 4, 2011 at 2:53 am

I don't get my Soros bonus until I reach 111 points.

tribbzthesquidz June 4, 2011 at 3:03 am

He's still in a cult. There will never be a Mor-man president. Nevar.

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 5:59 pm

There will be if they keep procreating at the rate they do in Arizona.

glamourdammerung June 4, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Yeah, but not all states restore voting rights for felony sex offenses with children.

SarahsBush June 4, 2011 at 3:06 am

If Mittens would just mandate that Republicans have to vote for him, he'd be alright. Right?

mrbubb June 4, 2011 at 3:12 am

He really thought he would give Iowa a try, but, in the end, he just didn't know the territory!

tymberwolf817 June 4, 2011 at 10:54 am

Oh, whatdya talk?

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 11:46 am

Whaddya talk, whaddya talk?

Lascauxcaveman June 4, 2011 at 9:00 pm

♫ ♬
Oh, there's nothin' halfway
About the Iowa way we treat you
When we greet you
With a dissapointing poll

It's an Iowa kind
of special "fuck the Mormon
flip-flop" whom we
never liked at all…
♫ ♬

Negropolis June 4, 2011 at 3:25 am

What does Romney have to do for these people to like him?

Throw boxes of Lipton into Boston Harbor whilst offensively dressed-up as the Cleveland Indian's mascot Chief Wahoo whilst surrounded by a Fox News camera crew. Or go out hunting with a friend and shoot him in some non-lethal way. Or be caught on camera revealing that you wouldn't appoint any minorities to your theoretical presidential cabinet. Or wage a campaign questioning whether the president was born a male since they've already questioned his citizenship.

You know, some crazy shit like that.

insidebeltway June 4, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Go on DWTS.

Negropolis June 5, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Also, get your own reality show. Tambien. Mitt's Michigan/Massachusetts or something.

Negropolis June 4, 2011 at 3:46 am

The cat's out of the bag, now, GOP. Iowa has gay marriage –fucking corn country for goodness sake — and a state senate you couldn't even turn in the Red Wave of 2010 that won't let you overturn it. Game over; get over it.

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 7:26 pm

That's what we wimmins said about abortion.

Madam Killjoy June 4, 2011 at 8:17 pm

If only I could upfist this 1000x!

Negropolis June 5, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Roe vs. Wade hasn't ever been overturned, right?

Jukesgrrl June 6, 2011 at 1:58 am

No, but a shocking number of legislatures are getting away with making an end-run around it to make abortion in their state nearly impossible (note, the rich will always have their private OB/GYNs, so this mainly has an impact on those who depend on insurance or Planned Parenthood for care).

Many states are mandating so many taxes, fees, and special requirements on abortion providers no one can afford to do them, even if they can find a building owner to rent them space. Other states have mandated that insurance companies must make insurance sold in that state free of abortion services. Several wingnuts in the S. Dak. legislature even introduced a bill that would make killing an abortion provider "justifiable homicide." And I thought the Georgia demand that rape victims must call themselves "rape accusers" was bad …

Negropolis June 6, 2011 at 6:40 am

I didn't mean to sound like I didn't think a war hasn't been launched on abortion, but it was a flippant/oversimplified remark very much in the spirit of your own reply. Abortion has been consequentially restricted in a few areas of the country, but gay marriage is already outright banned in the vast majority of American jurisdictions, meaning that unlike abortion, they don't even have a federal law or decision they can turn to for legal recourse.

My only point was the GOP has already lost this war like they have so many other cultural battles where they continue to try to niggle away at something they'll never be able to overturn. Eventually, one of two things happen: they either give up the ghost and quit fighting, or their subversive attempts melt away to the fringe where they become inconsequential.

It's been clear for some time, now, that at the national level, the GOP has squeezed about all they can out of the marriage issue as they are realistically going to get. There are still a number of states where they can use this as a consequential wedge issue, but even that's quickly changing; everybody can see this.

Iowa's not going back to the point of where this can be used as a wedge issue. Whether decided by popular vote or a state supreme court, Iowa was a watershed. If their court overturned the ban, any state supreme court can until one of these cases reaches the Supreme Court.

Lights out. The GOP is already in search of other wedges; it's why were hearing "deficit, deficit, deficit" 24/7 at the national level.

easybaked June 4, 2011 at 4:52 am

The real reason they don't want Mittens for Prez is the enormous cost to the taxpayers for the renovations to the White House that would be needed to lodge all of his wives and kids.

zhubajie June 4, 2011 at 4:59 am

Mormons have a history of fleeing to Iowa when in trouble in Missouri, Illinois, etc. But they always leave. Mitt? More of the same.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 4, 2011 at 6:11 am

Mittens needs to be seen eating some corn. To be it's out of season.

Rotundo_ June 4, 2011 at 4:42 pm

They can truck it in from Florida/Georgia by now, unless Mittens wants to try chewing on the feed corn variety that they make ethanol out of which is hard as gravel. It would make for good television.

lochnessmonster June 4, 2011 at 6:34 am

He is soooo creepy lookin'!

Terry June 4, 2011 at 7:05 am

Keep this poll in mind when colorful Iowans are interviewed during the lead up to the GOP primary. The crazy assed Teabaggers are a minority…everywhere.

Goonemeritus June 4, 2011 at 7:44 am

I would vote for Obama even if I didn’t prefer to be ruled by hard socialist Kenyan Muslims (and clearly I do). How can you not want to keep living in this post racial utopia? I predict the Tea Party will split off from the Republicans and all move to Arizona.

FlownOver June 4, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Idaho's full?

Goonemeritus June 4, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Idaho has too many Nazis, they do have similar politics but their fashion sense is totally incompatible.

gvvt June 5, 2011 at 7:18 pm

waves of Nazis on little electric shopping trikes… Furzkrieg…

Eve8Apples June 4, 2011 at 7:51 am

"It’s probably already time for the GOP just to say, screw it, nobody’s running this time, and go raid Herman Cain’s pizza store."

I would rather go to Tiffany's and charge something to Newt's account.

neiltheblaze June 4, 2011 at 8:30 am

I don't know if anyone mentioned this, but the Manchester Union Leader – a long time Republican rag, and the paper with the largest circulation in the state of NH – placed Sarah's "historical sights for dummies" tour above Mitt's POTUS run announcement.

Aside from the schadenfreude rush at the thought that this must have gone a mile and a half up Mitt's clenched, patrician ass, it's a little astonishing that Caribou Barbie looks to be sucking all the oxygen out of the room any time she opens her yap. The Media have become completely brain-dead. Sarah sells, I guess.

easybaked June 4, 2011 at 1:52 pm

You know, that's an interesting, rational posit… Ooh, look! Something shiny over there!!!

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 7:31 pm

How many days has it been since even MSNBC carried one single story about anything the president has done? Two days … two weeks? It's been nothing but grifters and weiners this week. I'd say Obama should have gone on vacation, but if the did that, there'd be a story about how lazy he is.

AJWjr. June 5, 2011 at 11:11 am

One need only look a few posts down to see that $arah $ells–over 48K views. Doesn't matter that every view was to see how badly she fucked up the history of Paul Revere, the clickity-clicks don't care.

glamourdammerung June 5, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Everyone loves a train wreck.

keepem_sikanpor June 5, 2011 at 11:35 pm

$arah sells but it sure as hell ain't sanctuary in that cart.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 4, 2011 at 8:50 am

Do we really have to pretend that we care about Iowa again, already?

Too fucking soon, damnit!

not that Dewey June 4, 2011 at 8:58 am

Old Mitt Romney had a cult, E-I-E-I-O
and in this cult he had some wives, E-I-E-I-O
with a wife wife here, and a wife wife there
here a wife, there a wife, everywhere a wife wife
Old Mitt Romney had a cult, E-I-E-I-O

4TheTurnstiles June 4, 2011 at 10:03 am

No snark: the GOP will get out the knives and settle on a boring candidate (maybe Romney, maybe even pulling Mitch Daniels out). This infuriates the teabaggers, who put up Palin or Bachmann. A divided right is great for comedy.

ttommyunger June 4, 2011 at 10:32 am

One can only hope!

Geminisunmars June 4, 2011 at 10:55 am

I love me some implosion.

easybaked June 4, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I, for one, dread the upcoming Dem vs. GOP presidential debates. Here's why: because Barry will have to treat his future feeble opponent with kid gloves (mittens?) just to avoid looking like an intellectual bully. Gah!

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 6:56 pm

At least he's used to it since that's how he has to talk to the public, too, to avoid being called an elitist.

easybaked June 4, 2011 at 11:09 pm

I agree with you, Jukes. But I'm mindful of the 2008 VP debates with Mr. Biden against LouSarah – the Dem team obviously had instructed him to go easy on her. And the good ol' MSM talked about how she didn't make any big mistakes….WTF!!! I still fear we are in for more of the same. Having said that, I really would love to see 'The Bidenizer' tear Michelle Bachman a new one.

ttommyunger June 4, 2011 at 10:35 am

Mittens needs some color, some charisma in his campaign; some contrast. How about announcing Herman Cain as his running mate. Most divergent salt & pepper team ever! I can see the Bumper Sticker now: Vote for the Wimp and the Pimp-Or Else, Mothafuckka!

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 11:51 am

Alternate bumper sticker: Where's my motherfucking iced Tea Party?"

ttommyunger June 4, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Are we being racist or simply insensitive assholes? The latter, I hope.

Negropolis June 5, 2011 at 11:04 pm

I'd be interested in taking the Tea Party to an Ice T party. That should scare 'em straight.

Bonzos_Bed_Time June 4, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Ebony and ivory, in perfect harmony…

ttommyunger June 4, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Hope I'm just being an asshole; not a racist.

Bonzos_Bed_Time June 4, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Nah, just hate everyone equally and there will never be any complaints!!! Misanthropy for all!!! Hurray!

ttommyunger June 4, 2011 at 9:43 pm

I don't hate the Wonketeers. I haz confuzed.

x111e7thst June 4, 2011 at 10:42 am

Neither Rudy G (perpetual president of 911) nor my pet rock were in this poll. How can this be considered fair?

tymberwolf817 June 4, 2011 at 10:58 am

I love the picture. Is Mitt "mittening up" with a latex glove to practice fudge packing?

berkeleyfarm June 5, 2011 at 10:46 pm

New here? It's a Wonkerrati favorite.

To Jr: nice writeup, but needs moar alt-text.

tymberwolf817 June 6, 2011 at 11:15 am

I am, yes. I should have figured the picture was a classic due to the dearth of commentary on it. Apologies for stating the obvious.

13Igor June 6, 2011 at 8:30 am

He's got to pull votes out of somewhere.

Callyson June 4, 2011 at 11:01 am

Look out, Buckeye state: here come the hate – Obama ads from the Kochs, in 3…2..1…

weejee June 4, 2011 at 11:38 am

The GeeOhPee is going down the chute unless they can figure out the zombie Raygun thing.

Their non-wingnutz are so frickin' dull they couldn't penetrate a sheet of toilet paper if they were fired from a cannon. The Rethug wingnutz stand only slightly better chances than a zombie bin Laden. Daniels will have to toss his family under the bus to run, and that seems unlikely.

Outside, outside chance (personal wet dream for the top of the GOP ticket) might be trying to recruit the pride of Janesville Paul Ryan. That smug douche would looze even the Hoverounds after the 24/7 ads about him wanting to axe murder Medicare.

finallyhappy June 4, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Shit, I used to be in Janesville quite a lot- well, the strip mall part- I bought my daughter a futon at the Target there- and spent my hard earned dollars at Perkins Pancake House. I am sorry!!

Jukesgrrl June 6, 2011 at 1:47 am

Just don't do it again!!!

user-of-owls June 4, 2011 at 11:43 am

How fitting. A post about Mitt-wit includes an epic alt-text fail.

user-of-owls June 4, 2011 at 11:54 am

It's ELECTED RUMINANT! Get it right!

V572 [SSAN] June 4, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Panamanian Strongman Juan McCain approves of your comment.

user-of-owls June 5, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Bon mot!!

The classics never get old. Ok, well some of them do. I'm looking at you, "This is good news for John McCain."

SpurningBeer June 4, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Electoral rumination it is.

If Senator Grass(fed)ley has cloven hooves, he would be kosher, eh? If we kill him the right way, anyhow.

DahBoner June 4, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Obama is beating Romney in IA polls?

Because Mormon girls don't take off their panties…

horsedreamer_1 June 5, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Oh, they do. They most certainly do.

user-of-owls June 4, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Just to perk things up a bit when I'm lecturing on British politics, I introduce my students to the Monster Raving Loony Party. How terribly, terribly sad it is to realize that we now have one as well, with two significant differences:

1) Our MRLP is actually serious

2) Instead of calling them the Monster Raving Loony Party over here, we simply refer to them as Republicans.

fuflans June 5, 2011 at 10:48 pm

AND our MRLP is our only serious opposition.

i mean seriously, brits have two major options, one minor option, also greens, at least two facists AND the MRLP.

we have obama and newt marshmallow-has-been from the 90's.

i'd give a lot for a john anderson or a ross perot or a ralph nadar at this point.

Negropolis June 5, 2011 at 11:38 pm

To be fair, Labour isn't much of a leftist party, anymore. They're basically 90's U.S. Democrats. Lot's of Third Way bullshit, though the dumping of Blair, Gordon & Co. has changed that a bit. In fact, it seems the UK, the US, Australia and Canada all have a very similar electoral issue which is either a watered down true left (UK, US, Australia and Canada), and/or the left split between various parties and a united rightist party (i.e. UK and Canada).

BZ1 June 4, 2011 at 12:47 pm

In the latest poll,… Lou Sarah and the Mitt are running neck-and-neck (ugh, that picture conjures up a pretty grisly image…)

MinAgain June 4, 2011 at 1:53 pm

What does Romney have to do for these people to like him?

Needs more cowbell.

El Pinche June 4, 2011 at 2:30 pm
DahBoner June 5, 2011 at 1:25 pm

At an event in Manchester last week, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, also running for president, said that climate change is "the newest excuse to take control of lives" by "left-wing intellectuals."

Ha, ha, ha!

Oh, Newtie, Newtie, Newtie…

BarackMyWorld June 4, 2011 at 4:11 pm
weejee June 4, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Lights tires in reverse. Oh noze, that would help with teh global warmingz.

Rotundo_ June 4, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Every time these guys tell the truth, the base goes freaking nuts and they drop a few more points. They don't seem to really understand that things like facts and reality do not poll well with the people who are being targeted to vote for them. If you tell a rube that you are going to destroy the gummint programs that feed him and put the hoverround under his ass, he is not going to vote for you. If you hork up a load of trash about patriotism, rugged individualism and freedom it will sell, but straight talk leads straight to the electoral shitter. You'd think a republican candidate for anything above dog catcher would understand the concept at this point. They have to have already culled the intelligent and honest out of the pool by now, wouldn't one think?

weejee June 4, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Rotundo_ this is the land of exceptionalism and totally f'ing exceptional are we. The Atlantic has a good one on 'Murican understanding such as:
• "Muricans believe 25% of Fed budget is spent on foreign aid (less than 1% really)
• 78% of 'Muricans can name the 3 Stooges but just 42% can name the 3 branches of goobermint.
• 76% ID as Xtians, but only 45% can name the authors of the 4 Gospels.

And so it goes.

and it seems Princess Tiny Meat is busy sucking on everyone's P'ness.

Jukesgrrl June 4, 2011 at 7:02 pm

I'd vote for Mittens if he'd give me some magic underwear that really IS magic.

Angry_Marmot June 4, 2011 at 10:26 pm

I gotcher magic underwear right here.

imissopus June 4, 2011 at 7:13 pm

OT, but I'm seeing ads for Porsche. I presume the Teatards will want to threaten a boycott of them any minute. Does Porsche make a hoverround?

Rotundo_ June 4, 2011 at 8:55 pm

No, but they now sell 4 door sedans (the Panamera) and SUV's too. I suppose it's in response to the US market. Now that FIAT has bought out Chrysler in large part, maybe the 500 will get marketed as a ride on vehicle for the american m'asses. I just don't see a german manufacturer getting on the lardbucket express.

DaRooster June 4, 2011 at 7:21 pm

So… when do the Repugnants jump ship… and no… I will not ask Joe Lieberman.

And I do know we don't want Cantor, Ryan or…

Rotundo_ June 4, 2011 at 8:50 pm

But every once in a while one of the candidates tells the truth, and it has to be more than accidental on their part. Is it some sort of cry for help? A gesture destined to scuttle the campaign so they don't have to spend any more time pandering to people whose pets have a keener sense of reality than they do? This series of truth telling "accidents" has to have some sort of self destructive pathology to it.

BarackMyWorld June 5, 2011 at 1:22 am

Everyone wants politicians to be honest, until someone says something honest that's unpopular (in this case unpopular with Republican voters, but an accepted fact for the rest of the world).

SonofSpermcube June 5, 2011 at 8:02 am

Whenever I see Romney's name, I think of Mr. Burns saying "Maynard G. Muskyvote" except changed to Romney, like "Raymond G Romneyvote"

weejee June 5, 2011 at 9:46 am
uncleglenny June 5, 2011 at 10:16 am

aww phu.

AJWjr. June 5, 2011 at 10:35 am

Happy reagan zombification day, everybody! Hard to believe he's been dead for 7 years now–how can we miss him when he won't go away?

Mort_Sinclair June 5, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Okay. Wonkette Jr., given his/her lowly status, needs to work on weekends. WTF???

neiltheblaze June 4, 2011 at 7:11 am

Sort of – he was more of a "dry drunk".

SpurningBeer June 4, 2011 at 8:18 am

Yes, a medium-dry drunk with a fruity nose, notes of oak, apricot, and pretzel, and a finish that goes on for eight fucking years.

LetUsBray June 4, 2011 at 11:56 am

He sure didn't look very dry at the Beijing Olympics. Angela Merkel might have some insights on that point, too.

user-of-owls June 4, 2011 at 11:46 am

Pairs nicely with pickled fetus.

ttommyunger June 4, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Hence the drive to acquire political/monetary power, I'm guessing.

ttommyunger June 4, 2011 at 3:06 pm

My definition of a swing voter is a Citizen of legal age who is not bat-shit crazy.

Bonzos_Bed_Time June 4, 2011 at 4:12 pm

They just swing vote while in college. It was an experimental thing.

ttommyunger June 4, 2011 at 6:39 pm

I'll buy that, too, Egg.

Goonemeritus June 4, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Hey I resent that, I myself am swing voter sure I usually vote straight Communist ticket but sometimes the Anarco syndicalists field a charismatic candidate.

ttommyunger June 4, 2011 at 6:40 pm

You should resent the allegation and the alligator!

EggplantParm June 5, 2011 at 4:00 am

whatever, socialist.

EggplantParm June 5, 2011 at 4:08 am

why do you hate armerica, socialist?

Lascauxcaveman June 4, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Min, they don't downfist you because of what you said, they downfist you because you exist in the forum known as Wonkette.

They don't even bother to read the comments. They wouldn't understand most of them if they did.

finallyhappy June 4, 2011 at 9:19 pm

I don't personally know any Mormons- oh, I forgot- the leader of our local hate gays group is a Mormon. She used to be Baptist but converted.

LesBontemps June 4, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Sure she does — he's out in the shed with his snow machine.

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 10:39 pm

That amazing, since Baptists, or at least Southern Baptists consider Mormons a cult, and teach that in church and Sunday School. Has anyone tried to deprogram her yet?

flamingpdog June 4, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Thanks, I've been waiting for someone to jump on that opening.

Lascauxcaveman June 4, 2011 at 11:03 pm

It's just because you don't know us very well yet.

ttommyunger June 5, 2011 at 9:19 am

And I think that is best for all. ;)

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2011 at 10:24 am

Feeling up Merkel is some beer goggles. She wasn't even rocking the décolletage, like that one time.

horsedreamer_1 June 5, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Maryann Sumi is an activist judge!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: