Not to be outdone by the mysterious Weiner Twitter hacker, China went ahead and hacked the personal gmail accounts of White House officials, to show everyone how it’s done. Did they get pictures of Barry’s weiner? We hope so. What does Obama talk about all day, on the Gchat? “Can you believe Shaq is finally retiring?” Probably. The White House is not amused by all this computer hacking skullduggery, of course, because the White House is still trying to transfer its old contact lists from Hotmail.
The WSJ reports:
Melanie Sloan, executive director of Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, a watchdog group, said the hacking “suggests China believes government officials are using their personal accounts for official business, because I doubt they were looking for their weekend plans or a babysitter’s schedule. Presumably, the Chinese wouldn’t have done this if they weren’t getting something.”
The Chinese government has denied any involvement in hacking of U.S. officials’ emails.
Whatever. Bored Chinese officials could probably care less about “official business.” China just wanted to get a look at Obama’s “Air Force One,” if you know what we’re saying. [WSJ]
{ 149 comments }
Doesn't China have enough Wangs already?
Don't know… but Chris Christie sure has enough Chins!
And Dongs, also.
Ha! Dong is actually my last name in Chinese. It's not really pronounced "dong" – that would be "Dang", which is another Chinese last name.
It's a good name in Chinese.
Yes, but from what I hear, they are very small ones.
They eat dog over there, right?
kitties.
Only Cantonese people eat cats.
I once dated a woman who said she wanted me to eat her cat but I don't think she was from Ohio.
If it has four legs and isn't a chair, wings and isn't an airplane, or swims and isn't a submarine they will eat it.
As long as they stop before they get to "It's called a stool but you never find it at a bar".
That's the motto of Guangdong Province.
I also hear hear owl meat is a delicacy. Aphrodisiacal, or something. Seriously, better than Viagra and Cialis combined.
Dog's best in egg-and-tomato soup. The Koreans say it's an aphrodisiac!
I've actually had Bo-Shin-Tang, or dog soup, in Korea. Fucking eggs and tomatoes? I. Don't. Think. So.
Soju…lots and lots of soju…on the other hand…
p.s. Pro-Tip: Dog is fatty as hell and does not taste like chicken.
I only ate because students sort of dared me.
Man chew?
You know what else tastes like chicken?
The lizards in the baijiu.
Chilean soccer teammates?
Too soon?
What about a bird-dog?
Breitbart warned us about China…and he knows a thing or two about wieners.
(He'll probably send over his army of downfisting trolls for this one)
This late on a Friday afternoon? No – he's probably already plastered.
Not to be a conspiracy theorist, but BillO was also pushing the notion that the private email/twitter/thingamabobbies of elected officials being hacked is a national security issue. Now the WSJ is all in a dither about it.
Coincidence? I think not.
Clearly, they really want an official investigation. Because "official investigation" means more weiner pix.
Trust me, if this potential scandal had befallen a republican, BillO wouldn't mention it, or if he did, the chyron would mistakenly call the victim a (D).
True that.
And you'd think Falafel Bill would stay away from all "sex" scandals.
The only way it could be a national security issue is if those private addresses were used for official government business.
Like what Sarah Palin did.
Like what the Bush Whitehouse did!
This must be the Year of the Penis.
The Year of the Weiner to be exact.
Stock up on deer-penis booze!
…or a babysitter’s schedule.
Don't the Chinamen know that Meg Whitman lost?
I thought Xtian O'D was the Thursday sitter?
Oh China! He who stick nose too far in punch bowl, get punch in nose.
He who walk thru turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
He who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
He who go to bed sexually frustrated wake up with solution in hand.
He who make out on hillside not on level.
Man who farts in church sits in own pew
Man who scratches ass should not chew fingernails
He who cooks carrots and pees in same pot is most unsanitary.
Girl who fly upside-down have hairy crack up.
Did they get Punch from Judge Judy?
He who have hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
(This thread is supposed to be about penises, after all.)
He who stick tongue in fartbox get punched.
Wife who slide down bannister make monkey shine.
Redd Foxx had the shit.
Who's got the lottery numbers?
He who go to bed with itchy bottom wake up with smelly finger.
WOPR is trying to find the launch codes!
I spy, with my slanty eye…
The Chinese spies will probably have a fun time reading a bunch of annoying forwards; "oh look, another unfunny joke," "it's some stupid prayer from his aunt," "well at least the kitten is pretty cute".
Can you imagine if they broke into the GOP officials' accounts?
"What is WITH their fucking obsession with watermelon? I thought WE had a weird obsession with watermelon."
and "What the HELL is it with these people's spelling and random capitalization? Do US schools not teach grammar and punctuation any more?"
We cUm from TeXAsSS. WHat DU Yal ExcPeCt.
DAmmB!
Gw TwHenTyTweeLve
I wonder if they'll respond to the "if you are really one of my bff's you'll send this nauseating Hallmark tripe back to me" fwd.. I truly hope all that viral shit just shuts 'em right down.
Wait until the Chinese get on Facebook and feel obligated to repost statuses in support of cancer victims or whatever. Come to think of it, this might be a good way to tie up some of their resources.
If they want some really good shit they should hack into Justice Thomas' Gmail acct.
Well, I don't think that account is a challenge. The password is COKEPUBE.
Hint: look for the folder that uses the most disk space.
I first saw that as "the most dick space." I spend too much time here.
I need to defrag myself.
because the White House is still trying to transfer its old contact lists from Hotmail.
Previous administration is still trying to disconnect its AOL services two and a half years later.
I don't understand it! I even canceled that card!
It's looking for those AOL 3.5 floppy discs. That must be where the instructions are.
"… White House is still trying to transfer its old contact lists from
HotmailExcite."Hey, maybe they can get us copies of the two million missing emails from the runup to the Iraq war.
Fat goddamn chance. Some loyalist Republican IT puke has that shit in a shoebox and guards it 24 hours a day.
At least they didn't 'lose' millions of emails like the last administration did.
Meanwhile, our government can spy on us all they want. PATRIOT Act's not so funny anymore when you're on the shit end of it, is it?
Curses upon you, Auto-pen !!
What I'd really be interested to know is how many thousands of Chinese translators have swallowed battery acid and jumped into the Yangtze after being ordered to translate Palin.
And you thought being "sent down" was bad?
Oh, all of them, Katie.
They're going to need a bigger inbox.
Damn! Accidentally downfisted you. Off to upfist another comment.
You downfist while I upfist, and annie will get her Friday fun, broseph.
Not gay, but I've never seen a POTUS super-secret Muslim wiener.
Kinda hope they find and release the dick pix.
"You message has exceeded the capacity of the user's inbox."
Hey, those mfer's hacked me today, too. I hope that MoveOn, MomsRising, ProgressiveSomething, ObamaWhatever and every other f'ing PAC on my list sends them donation requests every goddamn day now.
So now the Chinese tanks will be running over Google in Tianamen Square?
According to my freshly-hacked computer, that never happened.
From your lips to Dog's ears.
China discovered Top Secret intel that US officials are in business dealings with a certain Nigerian prince.
Remember when they thought that that Onion article about Congress demanding a new capitol building was true and reprinted it? That was fun.
Wait until they hear about Planned Parenthood's 8 billion dollar abortionplex!
Failbook had a long list of statuses from rightwingers who believed it.
Greeting good sir or madem,
My name is Dr. Boang Nuh Bagattu,
I am the former Minister of Foriegn Afairs for Nigeria. I have in my acount here 15.000,000 dollars that I need help to trannsfer out of the cuntry. To do that I need your hep. Please be so kind as to send me your bank acount number and I will give you 5 million USD for your kind asistence.
Thanki you for your help.
AND that Michelle had won the Australian lottery!
I've seen those photos of enormous watermelons on the White House lawn. I imagine the secrets to producing such bountiful harvests would be very valuable to China.
Alger Hiss only had one watermelon, just think how many state secrets Barry could hide inside all those "bountiful melons".
I actually got one of those (I'm in the Reserve). Worded EXACTLY the way a real e-mail from one of my colleagues would have been. Them Chinese hackers is gettin' smarter.
Obviously, they intended to swap out weiner pix with cupcake recipes. There seems to be a lot of that going around.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503543_162-20068753-5...
We should probably celebrate at one of the Balls.
Will there be a sack race?
And test
es of strength?I'd be ever so pleased to invite a socialite to one of my balls. Or both! They are quite the affairs.
Why would Chinese guys torture themselves by looking at a black dick?
Look like bullet train.
Would like to ride?
Eeel always like swim into wet cave…
Probably looking for photos of Mrs. Obama; lots of Chinese guys would like to do the nasty with a Black woman. American men don't appreciate their opportunities, one guy told me.
All hail the Nubian Vegetable Goddess !
>
That's not the Washington Monument, that's Barry laying on his back in a pair of tighty-whiteys.
Oh great now they will be even more insecure and I don’t like to think how 500,000,000 Chinese will overcompensate. This wouldn’t have been a problem if we elected the old white guy.
The problem is that one hour later the mailboxes were hungry again.
Apparently the Chinese government has taken a page from the Breitbart playbook.
It's just a high school senior prank. They're just going to forward them all on with the appendix
"in bed".
Hope they like the one about the personal trainer, the iRon and all those great Maxine cartoons my mother sends me, fucking hilarious.
I hope they hacked my account.
They can rock through the spam Harry Reid sends me.
~
I wonder if Chinese moms forward their kids forwards with Chairman Mao clipart and cute, kids-say-the-darndest-things quotes about communism the way my mom sent me stupid "prayers to God" from "real kids" until I told her that her emails were actually killing any ovaries that I had left?
You have made me very happy that my own mom is a Luddite who is clueless about email. On the other hand, she loves Rachel Maddow and hates Fox so her emails might be less painful.
What's weird is that my mom is actually not religious at all, she just thinks that children say funny things. I only find kids funny when they swear like sailors.
Hacking someone's account is the 21st century equivalent of dunking her pigtails in ink. In other words…
Barry,
I luv you. Do you luv me? Check one:
___Yes
___No
xoxoxox China
Tuesday: The Pentagon decides that any country caught hacking into US computer systems can be attacked with physical force
Friday: China hacks US computer systems
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
They'll have to borrow the money from Bank of China….
When they realize that there are Muslims in China, I'm sure they'll shit with glee.
To the tune of Oscar Myer.
Oh I wish I had a big Obama wiener.
Instead I'll steal his pic and post it up as me. e. e.
Cause if I had that big Obama wiener.
All the Chinese factory girls, (deep breath)……..working for peanuts, long hours with nothing to show for it and going home to men with small dicks so American Corporations can appease the shareholders and Wal-Mart shoppers looking for cheap prices at the cost of the American worker because God knows they are out of a job (see above for why),
deep breath…..OOHHHHHAAAA…..would want to sleep with me.
Thank you very much.
Elvis has left the building.
This is such slanted journalism.
Yellow journalism?
Would banning Razorback reporters be chop sooie?
It was probably some of my students taking a break from World of Warcraft!
Or taking a break from learning the King's English.
No, definitely US English.
that the ChiComs were using phising expeditions shows they didn't know what they were after…
i'm going to be so pissed if china stole my hot chicken marinade recipe.
Wow. Someone that dumb needs to be reported to HR, and that needs to go in her permanent file.
A while ago I hacked some computers at China University of Petroleum, Beijing. Lots of links to "dating" sites featuring blonde Ukranian beauties. Some pix of Gaddafi's nurse. Not much else of interest. Of course C U of P is pretty second rate…
China's just pissed because Google didn't want to spend its entire time in China blocking random shit on the internet. Fuck you, Chinese government, and the awesome mythical dragons your sorry asses rode in on. I have a feeling that they are amongst our most prominent downfisters, here.
I doubt they give a damn.
Just don't invade, fuck and kill my sweet, lovable students. Fuck with Bush et al. if you want to do the world some good.
I'm shocked, shocked to find that hacking is going on in there!
Well, you all know what this means. We have to go "liberate" Ling Ling and Ping Ping.
And knock some sense into Ping Pong…
We''ll be greeted as liberators. Wait…. what?
"Liberate" used to mean just "steal". Now it seems to include rape and mass slaughter too.
Who emails anymore anyway? I just use my gmail to see my Facebook notifications.
In fairness to China, they see this as simply an exercise in Landlord/Creditor Rights.
Chinese people are good at Computers and Math and hard thing like that.
…and playing violins and folding t-shirts!
Well, the US does import a large share of it's engineers from China. India, too.
"Gchat"
Is this Government or Gangsta chat?
"Is this Government or Gangsta chat? "
The difference being….?
Usually Chinese hackers go for the Japanese Ministry of Defence, change the links to porn sites and Nanking Massacre sites.
So, how many US pols and officials still use Windows?
And just why does anyone need to go beyond DOS 6.22?
I think from China's perspective the question is not do they use Windows, but is it legally licensed.
The national govt.'s been trying to promote Linux for about 10 years, but most people just ignore them.
The replies are all infested with 0's. I guess some people can't get laid on a Saturday even using someone else's dick picture.
Wha? Who cares? Does anyone believe there is privacy on teh internets?
The same people who think it's a network of tubes….
"Whatever. Bored Chinese officials could probably care less about 'official business.'"
This is wrong. It's "Couldn't care less". If they could care less it means they care. Wonkette grammar fail. Next writer.
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