Arkansas Kids Name Bush & Cheney Worst People Ever, In School Yearbook

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Whoops! Miss me yet?School kids in the tiny Arkansas town of Russellville actually managed to learn something during their years of below-par public education. They learned, for example, that Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are two of history’s worst people. This is something a lot of adults haven’t even learned yet, in America. (It’s well known in all the smart countries around the world.) So the kids decided to list the worst five people in their school yearbook, so when they sit in the smoking ruins of America a decade or two from now, they can remember. But the Arkansas grownups are mighty upset! How dare these smarty jones kids list Bush and Cheney alongside these other people, whoever they are!

A local Fox News television news station reports:

Open up the Russellville Middle School yearbook. You’ll see the students’ pictures, the administration, and a pretty controversial list that’s supposed to be covered with a piece of black tape …. The list is titled “Top 5 worst people of all time.” The top three, in order, are Adolph Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, and Charles Manson. Numbers four and five are George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. Superintendent Randall Williams calls the list “an oversight.”

(Ha ha, the Fox News local channel can’t spell “Adolf.” Also, isn’t the black tape saved to cover up Obama’s name?)

An oversight? Does he mean because the kids included some minor hippie cult leader responsible for a handful of deaths in the league with monsters who all killed at least thousands and thousands of innocent people? Perhaps that is an oversight. Perhaps they should have skipped Manson and included someone with a body count approaching Cheney’s. But these are just kids! It’s not like they accidentally included Nelson Mandela!

 
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207 comments

  1. Chillwaver

    Thank you for this uplifting piece, Ken (no snark here). Unfortunately, wingtards are now going to say that these kids were "brainwashed by their librul teachers."

          1. OneDollarJuana

            I've known several Arkies. Not one has ever reminisced about moving back. Or even visiting.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          He was a Dem but hardly a liberal. Free trade, deregulation, the anointing of Alan Greenspan as leader of the financial universe, DOMA, DADT, welfare to work. Hell, he's more of a liberal out of office than while he had the job.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I blame the internets. Those kids shouldn't playing with them internets all day long.

      They should be out playing baseball, football or war games, like when I was a kid. You can bet not one single Viet Cong was left living in my neighborhood when I was kid. No pirates, either.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        Oddly enough, when I played war in my neighborhood, even though the Vietnam war was actually going on, it was almost always the Nazis we were fighting. I personally killed Hitler several times, though a few times we also captured him so he could be tortured.

        Do kids even play outside anymore?

        1. PhilippePetain

          Yeah, it was either the Nazis or, strangely enough, Qaddafi for us. I remember Airwolf and a couple of other shows had Qaddafi episodes, which explains that. I definitely had a friend who would constantly want to be "tunnel rats" so I guess maybe we offed some VC.

          It's got to be weird to see your kids pretend to kill the enemies of the nation.

        2. Chet Kincaid

          Yeah, when I was a grade-schooler, I always thought of WWII as America's most recent war, even while Viet Nam was on the network news every single night. Combat!! Rat Patrol! The Great Escape!! Sgt. Fury & His Howling Commandos!! Hogan's Heroic Collection Of Cutting Edge Video Taped Porn!!

          1. Doktor Zoom

            I could never figure out exactly how Nick Fury made the transition from Howling Commando to Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. When the comic featured the entire squad (7, 8 guys?) escaping from a German airfield in a stolen ME-262, (which was a single-seat fighter, or a 2-seat night-fighter), I began to suspect that they weren't really presenting the most accurate depiction of WW II.

          2. Swampgas_Man

            According to my copy of Son Of Origins (and God bless Stan Lee), Fury was handpicked by none other than Tony (Iron Man) Stark hisself!

        3. Nixon_So_Fine

          Do kids even play outside anymore?

          Upfisted, qualified: That's gotta be the saddest thing in any comments I've read all week on all of these here internets.

          Thanks for being a total bummer, Dok. O! teh sads is here.

        4. UW8316154

          Cowboys and Indians for me. With real cap guns and seriously real bows-and-arrows in the woods north of Lake Washington. We'd leave in the morning and not see a "grown-up" again until late afternoon, when we finally straggled home.

          1. tessiee

            Yeah, what's the deal with that?
            We would go home for a glass of water, or to go to the bathroom, or whatever, but in general, "you know what time dinner is".
            Has there been some huge crime wave that I'm not aware of, that kids aren't allowed to go outside?

          2. Doktor Zoom

            See also http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

            I'm inclined to blame the unholy combination of the child abduction / "stranger danger" panic (and yes, abductions happen, but seldom involve strangers), the panic over nonexistent daycare sex-abuse rings / satanic death cults, and the exploitation of both panics by TV "news," especially local news. As multiple studies show, crime rates have declined, but people are convinced they're still increasing, largely due to the "if it bleeds, it leads" mentality of local news.

        5. flamingpdog

          When we played war in the neighborhood, it was usually the Civil War. It was a little bit ahead of Viet Nam. Everybody wanted to be the North because the North won. Or so we thought at the time. Not so sure anymore.

    2. ArmoredBore

      Are you saying they don't already? That's what the background noise sounds like to me, anyway.

  2. JoshuaNorton

    I had no plans for the weekend, but now with the amount of laughing I'll be doing at this, I find myself overbooked.

  3. Barb

    This story is AMAZING! I am completely shocked that some kid in Arkansas made it to Middle School.

        1. Barb

          "adhesive side down!" Way to go, Bubba! This is good information to have once you start your menses, trust me on this one.

      1. Not_So_Much

        Unfortunately, my 'Participation Certificate' doesn't imbue me with the knowledge of what "offensive" means…

    1. user-of-owls

      Go ahead, make all the bumpkin jokes you want.

      Oh, and do give me a ring when some kids in your "smarty jones" state have the knowledge and balls to name those two…publicly…as history's greatest monsters.

      I'll wait.

    1. WhatTheHolyHeck

      For every week they aren't allowed to watch Fox News with Uncle Blob, they'll get smarter, which will earn them another week without Fox News, which will make them smarter, which will…

      OMG Discovrd cure 4 ignurnce! BRB #IHaveaCunningPlan

  4. Come here a minute

    I seem to remember Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh being on the list about every night.

    1. JustPixelz

      I dont let Dubya escape responsibility by making Cheney a puppeteer.

      George W Bush took the oath of office and failed. He failed on 9/11 to keep America safe. He failed to balance the budget after his faith-based tax-cut stimulus didn't work. He sent soldiers to lose their lives and limbs in Iraq to resolve his Oedipal issues. He shredded the Constitution. He tortured prisoners, inviting reprisals on our soldiers and citizens.

      He left America far, far worse than he got it. George W Bush did that.

        1. Dashboard_Jesus

          well at 132 upfists (and counting) this should give yer p-ness a nice 'boost' if ya know what I mean ;)

  5. MLite

    Don't worry, the new text books approved in Texas and shipped to the other states will learn 'em right. They'll soon know that Obama is the Antichrist and that our country was founded by Jesus, who handed down the Constitution from Mt. Sinai before rapturing off to Wasilla and birthing Sarah Palin.

    1. Terry

      The kids might sniff it and get starting on a life of drug use. The concern is that they'll start using the meth Mom and Dad cook up and cut into the family's profits.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Haven't you heard – no need to cook anything, just crush and filter your oxy. Time saver!

  6. BlueMonkeh

    I almost felt a glimmer (starburst?) of hope for our future.

    Nah…just a bunch of yearbook nerds with their fancy pants writing and reading and what not. Now they'll probably get the real SCHOOLIN.

  7. weejee

    The teacher doing the proofreading was scanning for kids flipping the bird in the photogs and forgot they can also have fun with words.

    Ken can you sign the kid who slipped that bit into the yearbook?

    1. HistoriCat

      I'm assuming those kids are already posting on Wonkette.

      OK – who here is only pretending to be an adult?

      1. tessiee

        "who here is only pretending to be an adult?"

        I am, but I've been doing so for decades, so it's probably not me.

    1. Barb

      Oh, and I bet when your TV knob snapped off you had vice grip pliers to change the channel. Elitist!

        1. Texan_Bulldog

          Or go up on the roof and move the antenna around until people hollered inside "That's good!! Don't move it!"

          1. Barb

            That's not a daring stunt when you live in a mobile home. The worst thing that could happen if you fell would be that you dent your snuff can.

          2. BerkeleyBear

            If you live in an aluminum one, lightning is your never ending enemy, on or off the roof.

          3. tessiee

            "The worst thing that could happen if you fell would be that you dent your snuff can."

            *snicker!*
            "Snuff can"? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  8. freakishlywrong

    Que blaming the radical left, socialized, union, elitist, bon-bon wolfing, champagne swilling public teachers. See, this is why you home skewl; kids learn shit.

  9. KeepFnThatChicken

    "Adolph."

    Spelling isn't necessary. Just spell any word how you goddamn please.

    "Uenc asdhf oihw oefowe fapos dpw afh hftag egt tmfitkuiud oiua wheofh." And you can quote me on that.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      They were thinking of Adolph Coors…state beer of AR or runner up behind Pabst.

    2. HobbesEvilTwin

      Ha, the kids got it right and all the Fox News [sic] transcriber had to do was copy it down and he still fucked up.

      1. KeepFnThatChicken

        Downfister gave you a zero.

        DOWNFISTER CAN'T READ, ELSE HE WOULD NOTICE THAT A FOX EMPLOYEE CAN'T FUCKING SPELL.

        Reminds me of MONEY GOOD! NAPSTER BAD!

  10. PabaBritannica

    We have the collective national memory of walnuts (WALNUTS!) here…that school will be named George W. Bush Middle School for Gifted and Talented Leaders in 20 years.

  11. SorosBot

    And this is Arkansas, of all places; it just makes you wish that the Teabagging generation would hurry up and die already and let the kids take over.

  12. donner_froh

    Arkansas finally gets back into the "viewing with alarm" lists. Not much happening of note down there since the Clintons stopped killing all their political foes.

  13. CapeClod

    I guess these kids figured it out when four of their classmates disappeared when the Vice President honored them with a visit. As for Bush, even the dullest 14 year old would have pegged him as a complete too.

  14. Mumbletypeg

    I'm just impressed students still make paper-printed, book-bound yearbooks these days.

  15. EatsBabyDingos

    Ahhh, Arkansas. Just saying the name makes me want to pick the corn out of my poop.

  16. RoboGuppy

    How DARE these people put our President and VP on a list of people who sent others off to die in pointless, stupid wars and…. oh wait… hmmm.

  17. donner_froh

    Just watched the clip. While I imagine it is typical for local news, the combination of the voice of doom with rhetorical outrage by the anchors combined with the portentous bumper music makes it sound like World War III was just declared.

    What do these people do when something important happens–ritual disembowelment?

    1. PsycWench

      Well, that one parent was real unhappy that the tape could be peeled off. You'd think it was Free Speech brand tape.

  18. Oblios_Cap

    The parents are outraged! They sent those kids to school to get great test scores, not learn critical thinking.

    They'll never be able to put food on their families if they're thinking all the time.

  19. DaRooster

    The top 3 were doing things they actually believed in… although, I suppose some could say they "believe" in money.

  20. easybaked

    "Gee, honey. It says here in the paper that school kids in Arkansas have come to the same realization that the smart people on the left have been trying to get us to notice for years: George Bush and Dick Cheney are among the worst people in the entire world."

    "Shudup an' git me a 'sammich, woman. And another beer. And keep yer damned trap shut when I'm watchin' the Kardashian sisters on the teevee!"

    1. jus_wonderin

      This makes me want to send a shipping container of cast iron skillets to Arkansas.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      or Pol Pot or Idi Amin? Guess the poor AR kids haven't got to the chapter "Bad People Who are not White".

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Well, if it's middle school, maybe they they just haven't got that far in World History.

        In their HS yearbook, Cheney and Bush will probably be bumped all the way down to the 5th and 8th slots, respectively. Manson will find himself knocked out of the top 25, with Timmy McVeigh making a strong run up the bracket at 18, with a bullet.

  21. SorosBot

    According to the outraged adults in Arkansas, the list should be Martin Luther King, Barack Obama, Nelson Mandela, Muhammad, and Abraham Lincoln.

  22. freakishlywrong

    They've really managed to water down the word "outraged". They spend 24/7 outraged. These are the same assholes that were outraged that the muslin Kenyan eats a hamburger with mustard, ferchrissakes.

  23. Redhead

    What, no mention of Bill Clinton? He murdered HUNDREDS of potential people (which count as 2.5 real, currently living people) every time Monica swallowed, AND he lied about it!

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Dr. Science says more like up to 300 million per swallow.

      Funny way of looking at it. I never considered my college girlfriends mass murderers.

    2. riverside68

      If she had only swallowed there would not have been a stain on the dress, thus no proof of perjury, no impeachment.

      For the lack of a swallow, we got Bush! I hope that is being taught in the schools today!

  24. Texan_Bulldog

    This is considered a big city in AR and my dad lives in one of the suburbs (Hector). I am surprised that a town known for it's smoked ham (Petit Jean) & nuclear reactor grows children who aren't 300 lbs and have three eyes. I am verklempt.

    My dad is probably the only Dem in that whole area…although he does have the annoying habit of calling Obama "Bam Bam".

    1. SorosBot

      OK, I looked up the place and it has a population of – 28,000 people. That's not a city of any kind.

  25. OneDollarJuana

    Ahhh, White-Out hasn't been made with that good solvent for years.

    FYI, Monkee Michael Nesmith's mom invented White-Out.

    1. DaRooster

      Yep… one of those completely useless things swimmin' around in a whiskey soaked haze in my… brain?
      OT (kinda) When I was a kid, and a huge fan of The Monkees, I met Peter Tork in the radio station my Dad worked… first smelly, no shoe wearing hippie I ever met… good times… good times.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      FYI, Monkee Michael Nesmith's mom invented White-Out.

      I have no idea why, but I'm really happy you told us that.

  26. OneDollarJuana

    Darn right that list is an "oversight". 1) Bush and Cheney should be at the top of the list for tipping the US off the edge into empire decline within our lifetimes (maybe by next Wednesday). 2) Adolph Hitler was not the world's worst person, but the world's worst meat tenderizer.

  27. Doktor Zoom

    I loved the shock and outrage from all three morons on the news set. You'd think the cries of "how could this have happened?" had something to do with a horrific crime or something. No doubt the yearbook advisor will lose her job over this, and maybe the principal too.

    If they'd listed Obama, of course, it would have been mentioned only on librul websites, and parents would be griping about libruls trying to take away their kids' precious freedom.

  28. Eve8Apples

    I guess that what's you get when you send their parents and older siblings to fight and die in unnecessary wars. Who woulda thunk?

  29. SayItWithWookies

    Dick Cheney, out of spite, is getting a swastika tattooed on his forehead as we speak.

  30. SaintRond

    Children in the South haven't had time to eat enough shit burgers and swill enough corn syrup to have the vascular system in their brains harden up and leak out on the same level as their parents. But it won't be long. Next year they'll be committing horrible acts of pointless violence on each other and getting all weepy when they see the Stars & Bars.

  31. Sassomatic

    I extremely worried that these children may have been exposed to NPR, PBS, or some other left-wing extremist propaganda (also known as reality.) CUT THE FUNDING!

  32. Guppy06

    Does it have the electricity to operate those stop lights, or are they just there for decoration?

    (Yes, I know there's a nuke plant,that doesn't mean anything.)

    1. SorosBot

      Like much of the South, do they have electricity solely because of that socialist President they now hate, FDR?

      1. Nothingisamiss

        Damn the rural electrification program! Damn that govt interference bringing phone service!

  33. KeepFnThatChicken

    My first thought was, "Okay, these kids are pretty awesome," and that was without even watching the video, putting two and two together.

    Now that I've watched it, I have a new total disdain for the lack of real reporting that occurs on TV. Your reporter is a pussy, who doesn't know how to form a goddamn question and ask it.

  34. smitallica

    In most states, children are rewarded for learning history.
    See, Arkansas? THAT is why you fail.

  35. Doktor Zoom

    If the list actually came from ranker.com, then the real scandal here is that the yearbook advisor didn't give the kids a lesson about using information from online polls.

  36. fartknocker

    After reading this well written post (thank you Wonkette Jr.) I asked my beautiful 14 year old daugher (who is enjoying her first day of summer school vacation) who she believed were the 5 worst people in the world. Now understand she lives in Austin, and we're pretty much known as a liberal bastion of lazy bastards (according to my Republican friends) so here is her response:

    1) Rick Perry
    2) Karl Rove
    3) Dick Cheney
    4) Osama Bin Laden
    5) Phil Gramm

    Kids…You gotta love em!

  37. Callyson

    That school superintendent is a wuss. Black tape? "It's hard to explain?" Dude, the damage (in the eyes of your critics) is done: at least stand up for free speech with some dignity.
    Clearly, the students are smarter than the "adults" here…

  38. Ohforcripessake

    Whoever put the list in the yearbook, good on them! Rummy should have been there as well. And I love the indignation of everyone interviewed and the news crew. What a bunch of ass-hats.

  39. Doktor Zoom

    Oh, for fuck's sake. Is there anything that idiot can't turn into content-free word salad?

  40. carlgt1

    In the distant future when the USA finally realizes how horrible Bush & Cheney were, these kids will look like geniuses.

  41. thefrontpage

    The Nixon, Reagan, Bush I and Bush II administrations are four of the worst presidential administrations in the history of the United States; Nixon, Reagan, Bush I And Bush II are four of the absolute worst presidents in the history of the United States; and people like Cheney, Bush, Ashcroft, Rumsfeld, Rice, Rove, and many others in the Nixon, Reagan, Bush I and Bush II administrations are easily among the very worst people to hold high-ranking positions in the federal government in the history of the United States.

  42. snoopyfan2010

    The real oversight was that they forgot to list Lincoln for the war of northern agression like their parents told them to.

  43. GOPCrusher

    The fact that the kids even know who Adolph Hitler and Charles Manson are, means that Arkansas hasn't made the great leap into faith-based history education.

  44. MiniMencken

    Since when do middle schools have yearbooks? No wonder the Teabaggers want to cut education funding.

  45. sezme

    Charles Manson, it must be said, never shot anyone in the face. In fact he never personally killed anyone.

  46. Chet Kincaid

    What is it with these kids today!? Arkansas smarty pants are libeling Bush and Cheney, and 16 and 17-year-olds are making a mockery of Glamorous Patriot Michele Bachmann over the Constitution and Evolution?!
    http://www.alternet.org/news/151120/17-year-old_c
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrew-reinbach/mic

    You know what this is? It is a very shameful practice in our schools, called BULLYING. Please don't slit your wrists, 'Cheley, Dick and Dubya. It gets better! If we still had corporal punishment like in my day, those young punks would be sniffling over a different kind of smarty pants!

  47. Negropolis

    A few things…

    - Cheney should at least be above Bush and Manson.

    - What high school yearbook has a "Worst" section? Really, WTF?

    - Russellville is small, but it's not a tiny town, it's actually a small university city.

  48. fuflans

    troll: the weekend approacheth. This means we will be drinking and upfisting each other and you should be out playing with that one friend brietbart.

  49. 13Igor

    Where's the rest of that administration?
    You could have the 10 Most Wanted without trying hard.

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