MR. PHONEY BALONEY  3:14 pm June 2, 2011

Mittens Is In: Romney Officially Declares, Finally

by Wonkette Jr.

Mitt gives a big hand to Mitt.Capping off perhaps the most exciting pre-campaign campaign since fictional candidate Tim Pawlenty’s campaign was accidentally announced on a website on a Sunday night, Mitt Romney today announced he was really doing that thing he has been doing non-stop since approximately 1996: running for president. The health-reform Mormon returned to his roots in liberal Massachusetts New Hampshire (where he bought rented a giant farm specifically so he could do this in New Hampshire), where he woodenly recited his talking points and was politely applauded by paid staffers and family members.

Romney bought (rented? borrowed?) the 300-acre landmark so he would have a backdrop for his presidential campaign announcement. Most people just get some banners and a PA system or whatever, but Mitt Romney is one of the wealthiest men in America, so he just bought somehow got this gazillion-dollar farm in a state where he doesn’t even live. Why not?

From the NYT blogs:

Mr. Romney made his candidacy official at a family farm, where he invited supporters and media to a “Cookout With Mitt and Ann.” Under clear but windy skies and with tractors and hay bales as a backdrop, Mr. Romney hopes to send the message that he intends to win New Hampshire’s first-in-the-nation primary.

The choice of the Bittersweet Farm for his announcement is an interesting one for Mr. Romney, who regularly argues for a smaller federal government that spends less. The rolling green hills of the farm were preserved in recent years in part with $1 million in federal money, according to a recent report in Seacoast Online.

Another gazillionaire welfare farmer. OR NOT, god you guys. Didn’t he buy some mansion in New Hampshire? Is this not it? Ugh, nobody’s MUCH HELP. [NYT]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 186 comments }

johnnymeatworth June 2, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Finally there's an official GOP candidate to ignore!

nounverb911 June 2, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Isn't that "all of them, Katie"

Negropolis June 3, 2011 at 6:33 am

And boy will they be ignoring this guy…again. Doesn't he get how out of touch with his party he is? Unless you're screaming about second amendment remedies, you ain't going to be heard, Mitt. BTW, don't even try it, 'cause you suck as an actor. Keanu Reeves has better acting chops than you.

pinkocommi June 2, 2011 at 3:17 pm

I'm looking forward to the tweet of a picture of Mittens' wiener in that special Mormon underwear.

Ruhe June 2, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Good luck with that. I hear that one of the more magical features of LDS underwear is that it scrambles the memory chips of any nearby cameras so Mormons are basically amateur porno proof.

HistoriCat June 2, 2011 at 4:11 pm

So that's why Utah is the nation's biggest consumer of the professional stuff …

DahBoner June 2, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Didn't work for Belladonna:

"I had to do a lot of things I can't imagine anyone wanting to do."

That's the trouble with Mormon porn stars–they have no imagination…

chilequiles June 2, 2011 at 5:01 pm

No amount of photoshop could make wangs in magic underwear look good.

lochnessmonster June 2, 2011 at 5:25 pm

where he "woodenly" recited his talking points…guess we missed the photo!

nounverb911 June 2, 2011 at 3:17 pm

If elected, Mitt plans on putting Joe Miller in a dog carrier on the roof of Air Force One.

Lascauxcaveman June 2, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Damn! I was planning on voting for Obama, up til now.

freakishlywrong June 2, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Bittersweet Farm? Really? Get the fuck outta here! That's what I'm calling his campaign from this moment on.

mrpuma2u June 2, 2011 at 3:24 pm

I believe it will turn bittersweet very quickly, with the Palin/Paultard mouth breathers screaming for his head on a routine basis. I just hope he has to face a few of them close up in the Iowa caucuses.

Callyson June 2, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Bitter…because owned by Mittens.
Sweet…because it is counting on being sold promptly after the 2012 election.

SayItWithWookies June 2, 2011 at 3:17 pm

There's a fake ranch in Crawford he could get for cheap.

mull_man June 2, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Dibs on the campaign bus roof rack!

nounverb911 June 2, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Romney’s already lost the dog vote.

Buckminster June 2, 2011 at 4:29 pm

He never had my vote, but after hearing the dog story, I want to send him to the nearest vet to be neutered.

Come here a minute June 2, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Since Mitt's new farm has so much space, I'm sure he won't mind if Sarah's bus parks there overnight, and the kids take the dirt bikes out on the rolling green hills.

ManchuCandidate June 2, 2011 at 3:18 pm

I can feel the enthusiasm for Mittens from here in Canada City. Or I just farted.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 2, 2011 at 3:18 pm

where he woodenly recited his talking points

Again with the penis? Don't people know there are working stiffs out there who are finding it hard to get a job?

P.S. Who wants to bet that tomorrow, our elite press corps will still be engorged with talk of Weiner's wiener rather than Mitten's mutterings?
~

OneDollarJuana June 2, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Bought himself a spread, huh? When will he start clearing brush?

RadioJr. June 2, 2011 at 3:19 pm

We finally have a candidate we can sink our fangs into.

prommie June 2, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Suddenly I am sooo tired, I am yawning and I can't keep my eyes open. Its such a boring afternoon. Boring, tiring, yawn. . . . .

SayItWithWookies June 2, 2011 at 3:33 pm

You better rest up, then — Pawlenty'll be making his announcement any week now, and the repercussions from that will probably make the whole country feel like it's Friday afternoon after a heavy lunch.

WriteyWriterton June 2, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Republican Presidential candidates, Melatonin, Ambien, or L-Tryptophane as an insomnia remedy.

Compare and contrast.

fuflans June 3, 2011 at 12:38 am

republicans: soporific or batshit.

we report. you decide.

mrpuma2u June 2, 2011 at 3:20 pm

So he kicks off his campaign on "Bittersweet Farm" that just received a megabuck of socialist tax dollars. Damn your fancy Cadillac tractor driving welfare queen ass, Mittens!!! F*$% RINO.

SayItWithWookies June 2, 2011 at 3:38 pm

He's just sticking to his values — lying, like charity, begins at home.

Barb June 2, 2011 at 3:20 pm

He reminds me of the actor they select to play the American President in a Canadian movie. He could actually win this thing if he gets the "soccer mom" vote. (and marries all of them)

Lascauxcaveman June 2, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Lotta soccer moms are still carrying the torch for Barry O. I don't see Mitt taking many of them away. Especially the ones paying attention to what he says, is, stands for.

nounverb911 June 2, 2011 at 3:20 pm

"Cookout With Mitt and Ann."
Bring your own weiners.

YasserArraFeck June 2, 2011 at 3:21 pm

It's not real until I see Mittens out there on his "lawnmachine" clearing brush.

nounverb911 June 2, 2011 at 3:23 pm

"was politely applauded by paid staffers"
Mitt is so boring he has to pay people to applaud him?

Steverino247 June 2, 2011 at 5:22 pm

That's the new GOP for you. We had Meg Whitman doing that out here in CA.

AJWjr. June 2, 2011 at 6:00 pm

And she fucked her domestic help, too. Didn't result in any bastard offspring like herr governator's dalliance did, but it helped keep her from being elected. Well done, CA.

Steverino247 June 2, 2011 at 8:03 pm

You're very welcome. Our pleasure.

Dashboard_Jesus June 3, 2011 at 12:03 am

"and was politely applauded by paid staffers AND family members" …hell it looks like Mittens even has to pay his FAMILY to applaud/ vote for him?

Poindexter718 June 2, 2011 at 3:23 pm

The Mittens/Tea-Paw deathmatch should be fascinatin­g, as it represents the clash of two axioms of GOP politics: nominate the guy who's next in line versus nominate the guy who puts the entire line to sleep.

Negropolis June 3, 2011 at 6:42 am

I think it's nominate the guy who's next in line versus the guy who is next in line to the next-in-line.

Goonemeritus June 2, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Cool now I can finally finish my declared Republican candidate position Venn diagram. I have found if you included a Hermann Goering circle the similarities become much clearer.

WriteyWriterton June 2, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Venn Diagram + Godwin's Law = TeaPublican Presidential field.

Goonemeritus June 2, 2011 at 3:35 pm

How can you avoid Nazi comparisons with these guys it’s like writing bio piece on Raquel Welch and not mentioning breasts?

WriteyWriterton June 2, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Not arguing. Agreeing. (But you're REALLY dating yourself with the Raquel Welch reference.)

Goonemeritus June 2, 2011 at 3:47 pm

You kid’s, I suppose I should have used Rula Lenska to make it more current and hip.

FNMA June 2, 2011 at 3:24 pm

For some reason, I thought of this Del McCoury tune:
http://tinyurl.com/689qfvf

OneDollarJuana June 2, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Damn! Who was that fruity-tooty in the scarf? Talk about bad '80s coutour!

FNMA June 2, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Marty Stuart. Old buddy of Johnny Cash. Was dropped by Columbia when he protested Johnny being cut from the label. When Pops Staples died, Marvis gave Marty one of Pops' guitars. Yeah, the hair and the get-up, it's a bit over the top…

Fun Fact about Del McCoury: His full first name is Delano and he was named for FDR and has stayed true to his namesake. Good guy.

Lascauxcaveman June 2, 2011 at 4:29 pm

I love the album he and the boys did with Steve Earle.

occams8ball June 2, 2011 at 4:36 pm

thanks for posting, comrade.

Weenus299 June 2, 2011 at 3:25 pm

"I'm going to be the one to get my ass kicked in 2012!"
"No, I'M the one who will get my ass kicked in 2012."
ME!"
"NO, ME! I kicked more old ladies out of their homes!"
"Oh yeah?! Well I kept people out of work from paying their bills, AAANND I'm going to make poor people pay all their doctor bills with their children!"

BlueMonkeh June 2, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Wait…

What?

weejee June 2, 2011 at 3:32 pm

I think Mittens just wished everyone a happy National Donut Day eve. We can go back to our naps.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 2, 2011 at 3:26 pm

And they're off!
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

PabaBritannica June 2, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Still doesn't have a blimp.

YAWN.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 2, 2011 at 3:27 pm

So, Mitt decided to announce his candidacy at a "cookout" for the media at government subsidized farm. I'm sure the 'baggers will have no problem with that.

And, now that we know who the GOP front runner that will collapse into oblivion is, the question comes down to who will bring just enough craziness to the nomination. My money is still on David Koresh Michelle Bachmann, but I'm still willing to be surprised.

anniegetyerfun June 2, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Nah, the Teabaggers are fine with government subsidies as long as they are going to white people. Now, if a black woman owned the Bittersweet Farm, we'd have some fightin'.

KeepFnThatChicken June 2, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Another way to say this: "And he's already created one job! Joe Miller's!"

CrankyLttlCamperette June 2, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Bring back the "Fudge" photo!

RadioJr. June 2, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Mitt, can you tell us that story again about how lovely Paris was during the Vietnam Era?

Texan_Bulldog June 2, 2011 at 3:35 pm

And how all your gazillion sons serve the USA by working on your campaign. I bet he doesn't whip that chestnut out again.

weejee June 2, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Tapp, Trig, Twat…where do these Wonderbread Repubes get these names?

weejee June 2, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Aw Radio, you're playing the Chickenhawk card on a guy to battled rugby players in Paris and was attacked by a pedophile papist on a Bordeaux country lane?

SorosBot June 2, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Is the campaign preseason over already? But I don't see any star players on the field coming on the field now, just the same group of crappy scrubs and untrained rookies who've been playing the exhibition campaigning.

Ruhe June 2, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Oh, we're into the real season alright. It just looks like endless preseason because Mitt plays for the Bengals.

Callyson June 2, 2011 at 3:29 pm

The rolling green hills of the farm were preserved in recent years in part with $1 million in federal money
OK, as boring as Mittens is, I *am* interested to see what Joe Miller and the rest of the teabaggers do with this gem…

DaRooster June 2, 2011 at 3:41 pm

I truly can't wait to see them (R- candidates) rip each other to shreds with their back stabbing, vile shit… it's gonna be fun!
At least until Diebold determines the final election… to end ALL elections.

BloviateMe June 2, 2011 at 3:30 pm

This is horrible, even ghastly masturbation material, when it comes down to it.

WriteyWriterton June 2, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Mitt Romney – the man whose bread always lands jelly-side down AND jelly-side up.

OneDollarJuana June 2, 2011 at 3:32 pm

White bread and cloyingly-sweet jelly. Mmmmm. Well, you are what you eat.

Texan_Bulldog June 2, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I think if Mitt runs on the "I'm White" platform, he's a shoo-in. Poor Herman Cain–it'll probably be another couple hundred years before we're ready for another black president, although I was looking forward to 'a pizza in every oven' campaign he was going to run on.

nounverb911 June 2, 2011 at 3:32 pm
weejee June 2, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Let's have an Anchor Steam instead.

OneDollarJuana June 2, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Anchor Porter for me!

DerrickWildcat June 2, 2011 at 3:34 pm

He won't be on a few State's ballots because his Dad is Mexican.

DahBoner June 2, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Mitt has done quite well, for an anchor baby….

jus_wonderin June 2, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Oh joy. Now if Perry gets in, well, it makes finding the GOP Hair Apparent much more difficult.

WhatTheHeck June 2, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Fool. He should have started off his campaign wearing black leather chaps with his legs astride a hog and saying how lovely the fumes were.

DaRooster June 2, 2011 at 3:37 pm

He bought a FARM?

Get a friggin' BUS Dude… Old McDonald had a farm… and he's old. Bus is the new farm.

nounverb911 June 2, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Joe Miller wishes Romney "bought the farm".

DahBoner June 2, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Yeah, farming isn't cool anymore, unless you have an organic farm with naked hippy chicks…

easybaked June 2, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Does he grow tomaccos there? Yes, they are real.

Negropolis June 3, 2011 at 7:03 am

Bus is the new farm.

Bloody brilliant quote!

Sharkey June 2, 2011 at 3:37 pm

JUNIOR! Nowhere in the article does it say he "bought" the farm. It refers to "a family farm", "the farm", and "a nice farm". NOT "his farm".

A little reading comprehension here, mmmkay?

Sharkey June 2, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Thanks for fixing! You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

OneYieldRegular June 2, 2011 at 3:38 pm

So they give federal farm subsidies for hay bale props too?

easybaked June 2, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Needs more codpiece.

Fare la Volpe June 2, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Oh good. I was waiting for X-Pac to enter the arena.

Texan_Bulldog June 2, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Hell, another shooting rampage in AZ — 5 dead so far. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH AZ?

genxr June 2, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Obviously not enough guns.

SorosBot June 2, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Fuck the NRA cocksuckers again.

Pragmatist2 June 2, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Hold it! I know! I know!
It's "Arizonans," right???

BaldarTFlagass June 2, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Well, at least one of the victims was a lawyer.

Signed,
Henry VI

fuflans June 3, 2011 at 12:41 am

nice.

BerkeleyBear June 2, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Would you prefer to start chronologically, alphabetically or numerically?

vodkamuppet June 2, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Joe Barbera? That one didn't end well either.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2011 at 5:58 am

It's not just Arizona. Unfortunately.

Hey there, Mr LaPierre…can we go over this "An Armed Society is a Polite Society" theory of yours again? I'm still not getting it.

RedneckMuslin June 2, 2011 at 3:39 pm

You know who else had a cookout on a farm?

nounverb911 June 2, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Old MacDonald?

Fare la Volpe June 2, 2011 at 3:43 pm

No, but I know some guys who had a cookout in a camp.

SexySmurf June 2, 2011 at 3:44 pm

David Koresh?

jakegittes June 2, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Steve Raichlen?

AJWjr. June 2, 2011 at 6:31 pm

The Merry Pranksters?

SorosBot June 2, 2011 at 8:44 pm
C_R_Eature June 3, 2011 at 5:53 am

The Donner Party?

OC_Surf_Serf June 2, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Mittens,

You will not win.

Send gazillion dollar consultant fee to:

OC_Serf_Surf
Meme Mezzanine
69 Wonkette Plaza
Anusburger Lane, DC

elviouslyqueer June 2, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Romney blamed the president for high unemployment, rising gasoline prices, falling home values and a soaring national debt.

Uh, Mitt? 2007 is on the phone and would like a word with you.

MozakiBlocks June 2, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Speaking of GOP morans, apparently Chris Christie is getting ready to hold a press conference to address the helicopter ride.

And the media will just ignore it. Why do a story on the misuse of government property and resources, when you can run around with your hair on fire screaming about a Democratic Congressman's COCK??????!!!!!!?????

neiltheblaze June 2, 2011 at 4:17 pm

I agree. I really wish the MSM would just get off Weiner's cock already.

anniegetyerfun June 2, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Because IT'S A PENIS. Penises are extremely serious business. Unlike, say, corruption.

finallyhappy June 2, 2011 at 7:42 pm

He said he'll pay for the rides. He is still a fat fuck

emmelemm June 2, 2011 at 8:10 pm

But… but… PENIS!

fuflans June 3, 2011 at 12:44 am

to be fair, if i were a msm type, i would use any excuse to cover anthony and any excuse to back quietly away from the christie mound.

Billmatic June 2, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Guys it's ordained that Rick Perry will be the GOP nomination.

1. Successfully ran a rebranding campaign which transformed him from Bush-era yesman to anti-establishment outsider, will appeal to Teabaggers who are proven to care little for facts.
2. The fact that he actually is a good ole boy Bush crony will please rank and file Republicans.
3. Will do anything and everything a corporation pays him to do.
4. Phenomenal hair, great electability.
5. Tests highly in the all important "Would you like to have a beer with him?" polling category.
6. Texans are never boring.

He's like Action Figure Mitt Romney without all the Health Care/Mormon stuff. Did I mention he has a Kung-Fu Grip?

emmelemm June 2, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Quality hair trumps everything.

Slim_Pickins June 2, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Not since Blago….

JustPixelz June 2, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Obama is doomed. How can he run against the governor who crossed party lines to work with Ted Kennedy on health insurance reform for Massachusetts? Doomed.

littlebigdaddy June 2, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Wake me when there's a Weiner angle. I am all about the sausage today.

VinnyThePooh June 2, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Sarah is in MarthaStewartshire too. Stepping on Mittens toes. Shit's on. Mormon vs. Moron. *ding-ding*

AJWjr. June 2, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Yeah, what a coinkydink!

whiskeybaby June 2, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Buying the farm seems like an appropriate metaphor for Mitt's campaign.

donner_froh June 2, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Bittersweet Farm–more like Cold Comfort Farm.

flamingpdog June 2, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Definitely not Boone's Farm.

flamingpdog June 2, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Mmm. so downfisty is a fan of Boone's Farm? Guess mom had better put a lock on the frig now.

finallyhappy June 2, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Does it still exist? I nthe 70's, my dad told me it would kill me- he said Boone's farm apple wine was pure poison. He offered to buy me better stuff- but we wanted Boone's Farm.

Fare la Volpe June 2, 2011 at 3:59 pm

That ring finger's looking awfully bare. Just one? Mormon Jesus is disappoint.

BloviateMe June 2, 2011 at 4:00 pm

"Mittens Is In: Romney Officially Declares, Finally"

I wish Anthony would run, so we can get a "Weiner is in, finally" story line.

neiltheblaze June 2, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Right – but how did his wimpy cookout stack up against John McCain's awesome barbeque – with his signature anusburgers slathered with his secret recipe poblano BBQ sauce? Hmmmm? If somebody from Politico or Newsweek was there, I'm sure we could find out.

This must be good news for John McCain.

baconzgood June 2, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Iz two buzy to do teh snarkz. Meeeez pizzed
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_UHTIuhFh8XI/TUmQtfvn06I

fuflans June 3, 2011 at 12:57 am

you know, LOLcats vs. mittens, LOLcats ftw every time.

Slim_Pickins June 2, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Wonkette Jr., I think I have it figured out. You're anonymous because you're paying Wonkette for the privilege of posting rather than the other way around.

Ken Layne June 2, 2011 at 4:14 pm

God I wish!

Wait, people would pay Wonkette to post things here???? DING DING DING DING.

WriteyWriterton June 2, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Ken! Good to hear from you. These must be stressful times, what with the Darwinian competition for employment raging at your place. Glad to know you're still alive. (Well, at least we know you're avatar is still active.)

AJWjr. June 2, 2011 at 6:27 pm

How do we know it's Ken, though? Suppose his account got hacked, as seems to be all the rage lately? Dick pic or GTFO!

SheriffRoscoe June 2, 2011 at 4:25 pm

My commenter account is paid in full right up through the year 2050, Ken. What, my Ameros aren't good enough for this place?

WriteyWriterton June 2, 2011 at 4:28 pm

SR: How did you finance your payment to Wonkette?

Fyi, I used the power of home equity – mine and other people's: I took out a second mortgage with Countrywide. I also bought a lot of CDO's from Goldman Sachs, which they told me were GREAT investments.

Mort_Sinclair June 2, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I love that the teabaggers are going to turn on Mittens and his Magic Mormon Underwear. Let them have a little fun with the Angel Moroni (how aptly named) and the Jews of Mexico. Bring it on!

BlueStateLibel June 2, 2011 at 4:20 pm

The guy is really a glutton for punishment, isn't he? Poor lady America must endlessly repeat, "No means no, Mitt!" Don't you get it, Mitt? She (America) is just not into you.

WriteyWriterton June 2, 2011 at 4:23 pm

He doesn't even rate the decorous peck on the cheek on the porch, after the long boring date, where he insisted on telling Lady A what he got in every course he took in B-School.

He must live in an impermeable bubble of self-of-steam.

flamingpdog June 2, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Ms. America says, "Take your grimey Mitt offa me!"

Eve8Apples June 2, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Soooo, let's see what is going on the world today. Hey, is that Snowbilly riding on a bus? What are Snowbilly and Trump up to today? Did they share a slurpee at the 7-11?

Wilcoxyz June 2, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Best part is, Palin's gonna bait this guy all campaign long with her media whoring and ignorant carping and he can't say shit about it, or the tea-tards will destroy him.

fuflans June 3, 2011 at 12:58 am

and she won't run and she'll doom his campaign.

yeah, that sounds about right.

weejee June 2, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Walnutz cooks the steaks with JP4 and saves the napalm for the Copper River Salmon.

DaRooster June 2, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Doesn't he have ribs?

weejee June 2, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Yeah, but they typically are a bit over-done for my tastes since he used willie pete to roast those.

SheriffRoscoe June 2, 2011 at 4:33 pm

It's definitely Romney's turn. We owe him that much for being such a nice loser in 2008. Besides, I'm looking forward to all the linguistic gymnastics he performs when Obama thanks him, publicly, in each and every debate, for doing such an excellent job with health care in Massachusetts.

WriteyWriterton June 2, 2011 at 4:36 pm

I'd like someone to ask him about the Mormon practice of converting dead Jews, (because I need to get into Heaven to be with my lapsed-Catholic-y spouse after we kick it), but I suspect the religion thing will be off-limits. Sigh…

Fox n Fiends June 2, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Bittersweet Farm, founded in 1980…..

DaRooster June 2, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Not always their pits though…

Fox n Fiends June 2, 2011 at 4:37 pm

That why it needs to be called the Reagan-Bush Deficit, along with the 2nd Bush-Iraq War and the Republican Economic Collapse of 2008.

Pres[EXTERMINATE!!] June 2, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Needz moar New England tornadoes.

prommie June 2, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Off Topic, but a thing of beauty: Anthony Weiner said today, to the press, "I was perhaps, you'll forgive me, a little stiff yesterday."

I now officially love this man.

Credit to TPM

anniegetyerfun June 2, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Be careful – you might now permanently be linked to him, in some sort of made-up, online relationship, after having made that declaration.

DashboardBuddha June 2, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Wow…he does have big hands. Big hands you know you're the one

flamingpdog June 2, 2011 at 5:04 pm

George Romney: Brainwash.
Mitt Romney: Brain bleach.

Raquel Welch: Brain candy.

easybaked June 2, 2011 at 5:04 pm

So Mittens is taking the whole family with him on the campaign trail?

This is not good news for Seamus.

Lazy Media June 2, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Mittens is gonna be the modern-day Wendell Wilkie if it KILLS him.

BZ1 June 2, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Bittersweet Farm is too delicious for words…

jakegittes June 2, 2011 at 6:11 pm

I actually posted on Breitbart that Romney wasn't a real Christian and that he's a RINO. I'm getting lots of support for that statement from the NotsoBrightBarters. Sweet Jeeezus.

AJWjr. June 2, 2011 at 6:24 pm

LAMANITES!1!!!

hagajim June 2, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Mitt – sorry to say it, but your still a complete snoozzzzzzzzzzzzer.

Walkinwiddaking June 2, 2011 at 6:42 pm

He will never win. The back of his hands are too simian.

chascates June 2, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Will he be selling 'magic underwear' with Romney 2012 on them?

deanbooth June 2, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Alt Alt text: "And white folks be clappin' like this…"

VinnyThePooh June 2, 2011 at 8:11 pm

I used to commute through Stratham for two years. We're not exactly talking about humble people of the Earth here. Homes started around $650k. A short, ten minute drive down 108 will get you to the Omega House, for chrissakes.

fuflans June 3, 2011 at 1:09 am

damn. i dated a blueblood who went to exeter, family came over on the mayflower or some such.

i made him propose to me in a bar in chicago.

he was very nice but i decided i needed to be an actor.

probably not well thought through on my part.

texasold June 2, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Moroni is for Mitt!

donner_froh June 2, 2011 at 8:36 pm

Richard Nixon is playing thinking about running: "Right now, I'm concentrating on being dead, but we'll see.

user-of-owls June 2, 2011 at 9:21 pm

He's reported to be forming an exhumatory committee.

flamingpdog June 2, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Nixon now, mort than ever!

LiveToServeYa June 2, 2011 at 9:17 pm

I anticipate his wily and cunning political maneuverings with bated breath.

user-of-owls June 2, 2011 at 9:31 pm

So many M&M jokes just low-fruit hangin':

Mormon & Megalomaniac 2012! (Romney/Palin)
Mittens & Mole-rat 2012! (Romney/Guiliani)
Mitt & Man-Servant 2012! (Romney/Cain)
Mormon & Minnesota-psychotic 2012! (Romney/Bachmann)

…and on it goes. More? Please contact Owls.com.edu.sex by clicking the reply button below. Oh, and do not be alarmed by the 20,000 pop-up windows advertising things not appropriate for a family-friendly blog like Wonkette. Chances are your IT people are too busy surfing said sites to notice your, um, unauthorized usage.

RadioJr. June 4, 2011 at 2:25 am

Mitt & Mustache '12 (Romney/Bolton) obvs.

freddymcmurray June 2, 2011 at 9:39 pm

The GOP's great white hope isn't great. And he's hopeless. But he IS white! Yay us.

rocktonsam June 2, 2011 at 11:03 pm

can you imagine Mittens wife wanting him ,let alone Merkia

Negropolis June 3, 2011 at 6:31 am

"Bittersweet Farm"

Honestly, isn't that the entire story, right there? Everything about this guy just screams loser, but bless his heart, he's going to try until he fails, again. Someone needs to take Mitt to the side, explain to him that he has oodles of money, a beautiful wife, a gaggle of children, and literally a tribe of grandchildren, and that that should be enough.

Willard, STOP it; just fucking STOP IT, already. This is getting sad and pitiful.

Negropolis June 3, 2011 at 7:10 am

Mitt, you're going to have to do some crazy shit this time to get any attention. Until I see you decked out offensively as an Injun and tossing tea into your native Boston Harbor surrounded by Fox News cameras, who the fuck cares? Honestly, who the fuck really cares, Willard?

I have bowel movements more exciting than Willard. I have DMV visits more memorable, gas station trips more fulfilling, hours-long marathons of American Pickers programming more educational, etc…you get the point, Willard.

crybabyboehner June 3, 2011 at 10:54 am

Junior, please ask you dad where he keeps that photo of Mitt in the fudge factory.

crybabyboehner June 3, 2011 at 10:56 am

How will Republican leaders across the Deep South ask their fellow Christians to vote for a Mormon?

"Hey, at least he ain't a nigra."

ttommyunger June 3, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Sure, Mitt, go for it. I used to think if I pinned a towel around my neck it would be like a Superman Cape and I could fly. Sure, go for it, Mitt… Loser!

WriteyWriterton June 2, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Rula Lenska? Wow!

Dude, I'll bet I'm older than you. I just wouldn't think of the current Raquel Welch and "breasts" right away without feeling a bit queasy.

Goonemeritus June 2, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I once had a boss who said the best part about getting older is there is a bigger percentage of women that he finds attractive. That said you're right about a current day Raquel or Rula for that matter.

WriteyWriterton June 2, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I agree with your boss – further evidence of my pathetically advanced age.

Chet Kincaid June 3, 2011 at 12:49 am

And in conclusion, tits! Jeez fellas, focus.

Did you see Battle Of The Network Stars last night? How about the rack on that Adrienne Barbeau?!

Negropolis June 3, 2011 at 6:49 am

Did you catch the latest talkie with Rita Hayworth? Roof!

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