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It was just a flight test to see if the helicopter could lift an actual elephant, for the Circus.XXXL fiscal conservative hero Chris Christie would be the teabagger’s top choice for the GOP nomination if he would only run, but he’s always too busy giving “straight talk” about cutting all the government services for everyone … and having a New Jersey state-owned helicopter and government flight crew chauffeur him to his kid’s baseball games. As usual with these Republican heartthrobs, it’s one set of rules for the working class and the poor and the middle class (“you get nothing”) and a completely different set of rules for the super-rich elitists and their hand-picked politicians.

NJ.com reports:

A brand-new State Police helicopter was Gov. Chris Christie’s ride of choice yesterday as he traveled to and from his son’s baseball game in Bergen County.

His office won’t say where he came from or where he went afterward. But about an hour and 10 minutes after leaving the game, Christie arrived, by car, at the governor’s mansion in Princeton to meet with a group of Iowa businessmen trying to recruit him for a presidential run.

And then Christie laughed and ate seven pizzas and said, “I told you nitwits I wasn’t running for president, and I’ve just proven I don’t even want to be governor of New Jersey. Now get out of here before I eat you all.” [NJ.com]

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  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Let's give it up for our latest "small government conservative!" *claps*

    • nounverb911

      Is that a "Fat" joke?

    • Buckminster

      He could eat a small central American nation.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He looks to me like a pretty large conservative… up there in the Blimpbaugh range.

    • Numbat_Dundee

      He has made it smaller by eating most of it. He did use the helicopter, but then he covered it in chocolate and ate it. Then, when he's enormous and the government is all inside him, he will retire as Governor and all the "Government" he represents will become private enterprise.

  • nounverb911

    Do as I say not as I do?

    • LetUsBray

      IOKIYAR.

      • jus_wonderin

        As regards IOKIYAR. The only people in my life that I personally have known to take bankrupsty are rabid racist Republicans. Yeah, cut the food stamps. Excercise a bit of personal responsibility with finances? Nah, that would be stupid.

        There can be legit reasons. But these were loser overspenders.

    • Grief_Lessons

      We can't all do as he does. There's not enough high-fructose corn syrup in the world.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yes, with him as an example, I'm surprised he has a kid thin and athletic enough to walk on his own, let alone play baseball. Kid must take after his mom.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Ever heard of a guy named John Kruk?

        • GOPCrusher

          Prince Fielder?

  • nounverb911

    Did Christie have to buy two seats on the flight?

    • Well played!

    • DaRooster

      'cuz he paid… shyeah!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He had to buy the whole fucking helicopter. Presumably a heavy lift model.

    • fuflans

      can you imagine this fat ass on a commercial flight.

      as a small woman i can GUARANTEE i would be seated next to him in the middle seat and he would sweat the entire flight.

      • DaRooster

        That fuck sweats in the pool.

  • DaRooster

    "His office won’t say where he came from or where he went afterward."

    ARBY'S… WE'RE GOIN' TO MOTHER FUCKIN' ARBY'S BITCHES!!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Nobody knows where this guy came from.

    • sourpatchjas

      there is no arby's in new jersey…we're too classy. im sure he just stopped at one of our famous texas weiner spots for deep fried hot dogs with taylor ham, fried onions and sauce…this is the garden state after all.

    • catchtheflava

      Nah. Christie was headed to one of three places: 1) Jimmy Buff's 2) Dickie Dee's or 3) Any one of a number of diners.

    • Weenus299

      Baker's Square or Perkins. He seems like the mom-pop dinner house/diner type.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Shoney's or Cracker Barrel, to appeal to the crucial Southern GOP base.

  • hagajim

    WTF kind of chopper does the State have to have to fly this fat fuck anywhere…a Huey?

  • BornInATrailer

    Why didn't he just take his sail barge?

    • HistoriCat

      Sir I represent to Hutt Image Protection League! We are offended by your implication that Christie is a Hutt or is in any way associated with Jabba or any other member of the Hutt.

      We demand a retraction and full apology.

    • Beck_is_Trig

      Haha….it's funny because this lardass, Ailes and Rush all met when they tried to ply him to run for president while pouring bacon grease on each other and eating whole orphans. The meeting probably involved several sail barges and looked like the meeting of the Hutt's in Star Wars Episode 1 (lame movie, funny part).

    • Negropolis

      NERD WIN!

  • mereoblivion

    Christie on a crutch!

    • DaRooster

      If only… then he could have hobbled… no limo.

  • Schmannnity

    In his defense, he no longer fits in a car.

    • Potatoe

      That is what trailers are for. Don't get that thing airborn, drag it behind a truck.

      • Arken

        They would have to get special wide clearance though.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Ah, but he does. He was driven the 100 yards from the helo to the ball field. True fact.

  • So since it got Christie off the ground, the NJ State chopper has to be at least a Chinook or bigger.

    • One_who_wanders

      Sikorsky skycrane. Payload: 20,000 lb (9,072 kg)

    • TheSheriffsNear

      Referred to in the military as a "Shithook" , which fits this situation perfectly.

    • V572..whatever

      Those are awesome machines. I remember one night standing on the ramp outside my office at Udorn Royal Thai AFB when one of those just taxied by like some sort of post-apocalyptic monster, and even that was scary and impressive.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Operation Dumbo Drop?

    • BornInATrailer

      I immediately shifted this to "Operation Jumbo WOP" and now I feel terrible about myself.

    • Nopantsmcgee

      goddammit THAT made me spritz soda on my keyboard , you hilarious wonderful bastard, you!

  • SexySmurf

    Christie disembarked from the helicopter and got into a black car with tinted windows that drove him about a 100 yards to the baseball field.

    You can't expect him to walk 300 feet. What is he, a marathon runner?

    • Eve8Apples

      Why didn't he hop aboard his hoveround and wheel himself to the game – that's how a teatard likes to roll.

      • riverside68

        off road: have to use the car.

        Little hoverounds tend to settle to the floorboard on anything softer than concrete when Christie shifts his load on board.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Jersey's a coastal state; he didn't want the seismic activity to trigger any tsunamis.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      As if the fuel guzzled by the chopper wasn't enough … the limo was driven there, empty, for this purpose.
      Maybe if that new tunnel to NYC had been designed for obese slobs in obscene SUVs, instead of mass transit, Christie would have been OK with it.

    • GOPCrusher

      Probably wasn't a nearby forklift to be used, in case the fat fuck fell down or had a heart attack.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Memo to Chris: You have to walk before you can run.

  • Gopherit

    That is one serious heavy lift helicopter. And, face it, if Christie had to walk from the helipad to the bleachers, his aorta would have exploded. Just consider his limo a state sponsored fatty scooter. Bet it has truck nutz.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Crisco Christie is fat.

  • prommie

    Give the fat fuck a break, its obvious he just didn't want to be late for dinner.

  • widestanceroman

    The name of the commenter who likened Christie getting out of a car to the sound of jellied cranberry sauce sliding out of the can escapes me, but I'm curious as to what it sounded like when he exited a helicopter. A deafening pop perhaps?

    • riverside68

      a deafening poop?

    • James Michael Curley

      That was me. Although I have been near him when he was in cars (Giant Caddy Escalades) I haven't been around the helicopter. I flew UH-1B, H's and they are a fair drop to the ground. The big Sikorsky he was in has about a three & 1/2 foot drop. Go out in the back yard, pick it up (the entire back yard) and drop it from three feet and you should get the sound.

    • Schmannnity

      Spam from a can.

  • Goonemeritus

    I didn’t know New Jersey had a Sikorsky Skycrane.

  • comrad_darkness

    In all fairness, his state-sponsored hoverround couldn't get up the wheelchair ramp at the park.

  • WhatTheHeck

    No, I don't think Christie can ‘run’ in any race anytime soon.

  • The NJ Gubbiner Sail Barge wasn't available on account that Sy Snoodles took it to get it's sails changed.

  • OneDollarJuana

    1) Christie can't give a "straight talk". Look at him, he's all curves. Mostly spherical.

    2) Christie can't be a pinup. You'd need 3/4-inch lag bolts, minimum. About two dozen.

  • Callyson

    That NJ.com article has some gems:
    "The Republican governor traveled in an AgustaWestland helicopter, which can reach nearly 200 miles per hour, that was purchased for $12.5 million and added to the state fleet May 4.
    The helicopters are designed for law enforcement, emergency medical transportation and homeland security duties, said Paul Loriquet, spokesman for the Attorney General’s Office. Helicopters not outfitted specifically for medical use can also be used to ferry executives, he said."
    Way to cut back on government waste…oh, and you wanted to know where he went afterwards?
    "…about an hour and 10 minutes after leaving the game, Christie arrived, by car, at the governor’s mansion in Princeton to meet with a group of Iowa businessmen trying to recruit him for a presidential run."
    Run, Christie, run…and here's looking forward to four more years of the president that frightens the teabaggers endlessly…

    • horsedreamer_1

      This was about as homeland security essential as Tom Delay's search n' destroy mission for the renegade Texas Democrats, c. '03 redistricting fight.

    • GOPCrusher

      To be fair, I would be willing to bet that each Iowa businessman weighed the same as Christie.

  • DashboardBuddha

    I just read the article…the fat fuck couldn't walk 100 yards? Christ on a crutch, I'm as big as he is, PLUS I need a cane to get around and I could do that easily.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Not only did he not walk 300 feet, but he and his wife took the car BACK from the field to the helicopter. I am a little baffled by this.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Is he afraid of snipers? Where was he sitting at the park? Was there bulletproof glass?

        • DashboardBuddha

          maybe he was afraid of "those" gays like Roger Ailes?

    • DaRooster

      Well yeah… but you have integrity… so…

    • Limeylizzie

      Yes,and you are the delightul Dashboard Buddha with the merry quips, the giant heart full of love and a thoroughly decent person whereas he is a fat fuck.

  • riverside68

    Christie-Run?
    ha ha ha ha
    That fuck couldn't run if there was a cheese-dipped-chocolate-chip-pancake-saugage-on-stick 15 feet away and he hadn't had anything to eat in 20 minutes.

  • A new state helicopter, eh? Was there some reason he couldn't use the old Chinook helicopter?

    • Doktor Zoom

      Any helicopter carrying Christie is a schnook helicopter.

    • RoboGuppy

      Not enough horsepower.

  • Ooh, downfisty is awake and at mommy's laptop.

    And he's very mad at you lieberals for mocking his fat, greasy slob of a role model!

    P.S. Entire thread upfisted. So I undid half his "work" (I think downfisty has 2 accounts).
    ~

    • mavenmaven

      correction, downfistie's favorite term is "libunatic", whatever that might mean.

  • freakishlywrong

    Jesus, his poor kid. Or is his kid a fat asshole as well?

    • Dunno, but I'll bet he keeps healthy by running from Chris' event horizon.

      • Doktor Zoom

        HAR! Come to think of it, shouldn't the umpire have ejected the Governor from the game, seeing as how his gravitational well might affect the path of the ball? To say nothing of the time dilation effects…

    • Boredw/Gravitas

      The helicoptor then proceeded to ferry Christie's child from base to base.

      • AJWjr.

        Yeah–I've heard of helicopter parents before, but this is ridiculous!

    • mourningnmerica

      His son is probably the catcher.

      • BloviateMe

        That's one of them double entendre pederasty jokes, huh?

        Nicely done.

    • mayor_quimby

      His kid plays catcher, like he did. So he's a fat fuck, but a flexible one. He can basically take 3 steps in either direction before falling over.

  • jus_wonderin

    Now, if the could just drop on him. And…I get the sparkly red pumps.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Again, hypocrisy comes from the conservative side.

    Believe in science, unless it contradicts the bible.
    Don't really conserve. Consume.
    Except for my staff, the House and Senate of my state, the Library of Congress, the Justice Department for prosecuting all those heinous things liberals do, permanent ties to defense contractors and energy engineering companies, we need smaller government.

    • mumbly_joe

      1.a: when it *doesn't* contradict the bible, come up with reasons why it does, anyways. c.f. environmentalism.

  • Dunno. I know that he's gotta keep out of Chris' event horizon.

  • Goonemeritus

    Looks like Downfisty is kind of sweet on Governor Christie. He must go in for that papa bear thing.

    • jus_wonderin

      "Go In" is probably correct as the troll is fixated with Fisting.

  • memzilla

    Anagrams of "Chris Christie" include: Is Richest Rich; Rich Itch Rises; Rich Chris Tires; and Hi, Retch Crisis.

    • crybabyboehner

      The name "Chris Christie" is alliterative.
      So is "fat fuck."

  • edgydrifter

    Chris Christie gets to ride in his chopper because he worked hard and can afford such luxuries. You liberals just don't understand the free market and exceptionalism. That's why you want to punish the producers and reward all the fat layabouts living off government money.

    • Oblios_Cap

      John Galt is Chris Christie?!

    • BlueStateLibel

      Fat layabouts living off government money…like Chris Christie.

  • BloviateMe

    Have any of you jokers tried to look down on the huddled masses while sneering in disdain from a car?

    Requires a helicopter. Doy.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Chris Christie is a huddled mass all on his own.

  • DashboardBuddha

    No…that's not the helicopter. The fat white thing dangling below is just Christie's security double.

  • neiltheblaze

    Later, after his fifth dessert, he was heard to say "I'm so sexxxxy…..look at my titties….."

    • BlueMonkeh

      Git in mah belleeeeee!!!!

    • jus_wonderin

      And even later, in the hottub. "Corn!?"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Soviet surplus helicoper, for the money-saving: http://www.aerospaceweb.org/question/helicopters/

  • Doktor Zoom

    You know, I seem to see a theme developing in today's posts…

    In any case, this news suggests an entrepreneurial opportunity for all those poors that are getting kicked offa food stamps.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Good thinking, Chris! Have you seen the traffic in Jersey? You can't even make a freaking left hand turn there. Everybody ought to use their helicopters to get around. Life there would be soooo much easier if they did. Simple steps, simple solutions, people.

  • All You Can Eat Buffetman waddles to his Baskin Robins Copter and bellows his famous war cry that strikes terror in the hearts of Libtards everywhere!

    “It’s eatin’ time!”

  • Mumbletypeg

    Where is Lauri Apple, illustrator extraordinaire, when we need her.

    <insert Apple drawing>

    Caption: "I can helicopter me there!"

  • Come here a minute

    Christie should be congratulated for giving his kid a little encouragement. Jackie Robinson never would have made it to the big leagues if it hadn't been for his dad helicoptering in to his high school games after a long day of sharecropping.

  • petehammer

    Mo-lock-a-doh, Solo! Hah! Hah! Hah!

    (Freezes the poor in carbonite).

  • After he was dropped off at the ball game by the Sikorsky he was hoisted into his seat.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Somewhere, a harpoon is missing its whale.

  • LesBontemps

    Alt-alt-text: "Yes, that was three large pepperoni pies, and I'll eat them here."

    • jus_wonderin

      "No, don't need a box. Just use the pizza paddle to shove them in my maw."

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    No room for him, with all the ego there.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Caption for the photo: "NO SIR! The Triple Bacon Whopper with Cheese comes with THREE patties. THREE!!! AND I'll take a straw for my vat of mayonaise!"

  • Doktor Zoom

    Captain, the engines canna take the strain! She's gonna blow!

    • jus_wonderin

      We need more powhar!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Quick, what's the difference between the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and Guv Christie?

    One's taller.

  • SorosBot

    That thing has reproduced? He must not always have been so fat and had his dick hopelessly hidden under the rolls of his stomach.

    • jus_wonderin

      He has to believe in science. Science and Technology are the only way this Orbital Body could conceive. That, or his wife is retired from Cirque Du Soleil.

    • Rotundo_

      Now then, they obviously employed artificial means: When breeding large mammalian species, an electrical shocking device is frequently inserted in the rectum of the male to induce an involuntary orgasm. It works for rhinos, works for elephants and hippos, Chris probably took the electric anal zapper path to fatherhood. I just feel for the collector, under all that groaning scaffolding waiting with the cup, a flashlight and a magnifier.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, if all else fails and he has to resign in shame, he'll have a scintillating second career in the field of sumo.

  • Steverino247

    Chopper pilots need so much air time to remain qualified. However, this was definitely hazardous duty! May I suggest a sling load next trip and save the limo ride? Just set the net down near second base…

  • DangerHelvetica

    Helicopters: the Hoverounds of the rich.

  • BloviateMe

    alt text: "Three moobs. I've grown an extra, so I now have THREE moobs. Top that, bitches."

  • Fox n Fiends

    If anyone is shocked by this story, then you haven't been to New Jersey.

    • FNMA

      I have been to Jersey, hence my total lack of faith in the decency of human beings.

    • AJWjr.

      I live in a county the size of New Jersey, and we don't have any helicopters.

  • Doktor Zoom

    A helicopter AND a limo? wouldn't it be cheaper just to hire a crew of Oompa-Loompas to roll him around from place to place?

    • BlueMonkeh

      yeah – what's snooki up to?

  • mumbly_joe

    You missed the part where he had a driver take him the final 100 yards from the helecopter to the bleachers.

    Though, in his defense, he is really, really, really fat, and 100 yards is a really long distance, when you're really, really, really fat.

    • mumbly_joe

      P.S, Downfisty is angry about my post, hmm, wonder why.

  • El Pinche

    Does the military breed sky kracken? That's the only way to fly when you're fantastically obese.

  • Boredw/Gravitas

    Didn't Bush I's chief of staff get canned for taking a gov't plane to a stamp-collector's convention? Man, repugs have absolutely no learning curve. However, it seems that they do have an eating curve.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    If he gets to be President, there's gonna be a whole lot of money spent converting a C-5 Galaxy into Air Force One.

    "The William Howard Taft of New Jersey"

    • mookwrthwilson

      William Howard Taft was a decent human being with at least one redeeming quality. Chris Christie has neither of those things going for him.

  • sezme

    This is so unfair. If he was really so corrupt, he would have made sure his son's team won the game.

    From the article: His son’s team won the game, 7-2.

    Well anyway!

    • prommie

      Rude bastard caused all this disruption while his son's team was playing away, too. Think about it, ya know?

  • Too bad nobody was there to sabotage that whale rescue. Where's the Japanese when you need them?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Nah … the WWF calls for a bit more muscle. The guy may have a future in Japan, however.

  • Jon Corzine would have just cold gotten into his NJ State Police Ford Excursion and had the driver gun it at 110 mph down the NJ Turnpike.

    Like Jon Stewart said, conservatives are in favor of big government when it's shit they want…

  • Sparky_McGruff

    I can't figure out why people keep asking if he's running for president. Hell, I don't think he'd walk for president.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I feel the compelling urge to make a Bobby Baccalieri joke.

    • FNMA

      Maybe you should try salads.
      — Tony S.

  • prommie

    I'm getting really frustrated; last night when this story was first reported, the first website to mention it posted a bunch of pictures of Fat Fuck, sitting in the helicopter, getting out of it (the one in the link is not yesterday) and walking to the car, and standing in the bleachers watching the game. I think they were "scrubbed," I get the impression his staff calls and screeches at any news outlet that shows a realistic picture of him and plays the "you are making fun of his weight" card.

    Words cannot express what a fat fuck he is. He is immense, so so much bigger than the remaining pictures reveal. He is easily way north of 400 pounds, his head must be 100 pounds. He is enormous. He should be Governor of Brobdingnag.

    • DaSandman

      I couldn't agree more. He makes Taft look like Twiggy.

      Chris Crissie, I hereby christen your big ass, so huge you need your own area code self:

      Governor Big Dump.

  • JoeBiteme

    But does he follow college girls on Twitter?

    • BlueMonkeh

      OMG….could you imagine trying to hoist up that gut and push back all the surrounding blubber to even try to get a pic? Ugh.

  • DaRooster

    In the pic is he explaining how many copters it was?
    How many whole prime rib roasts he had for lunch?
    How many beds he needs?
    Etc…

  • RadioJr.

    But did his son win the game?
    Fatboy is just a great dad doing it for the kids.

  • MinAgain

    Chris Christie. The man who puts the "hippo" in hypocrisy.

  • On the upside he did not fatally shoot the helicopter pilot as a gag while they were all hanging out. So he hasn't quite gone the full New Jersey quite yet.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Until we develop that Star Trek whale-lifting technology, this will have to do.

    • genxr

      Sorry, my friend took too much LDS in the 60s.

      • poncho_pilot

        well, double dumbass on him.

      • Peace in our time

        Did he do his mission on Vulcan?

        • ThundercatHo

          Double dutch upfists for Star Trek and Mormon refs.

  • Did anyone already mention that that would be an ENORMOUS pinup if it were true? Oh, okay. Nevermind.

  • SorosBot

    If New Jersey was to follow New Mexico's lead in eliminating food stamps, a good way to alleviate the starvation would be to make some Christie bacon; he'd provide enough meat to feed Jersey's poor for at least a year.

  • PuckStopsHere
  • Redhead

    Wait. THAT man can fit through the door of a helicopter? It can actually take off and get more than 2 feet above the ground with him in it? Are you sure?

  • bflrtsplk

    What? He couldn't hang glide his way in to land at second base?

  • carlgt1

    after all of those years of Bush & Cheney using the Enron jet, this is hardly a surprise or egregious offense…

  • franco_pinyon

    Can't feed the hungry and helicopter the guv, both. Hafta have some priorities.

  • freshelfpie

    XXXL? We are totally misunderestimating this guy. He is at least a 4X or 5X. Possibly 6X. This guy is so fat the big and tall shops could not use him in their ads for fear of scaring off normally oversized men….

  • BlueStateLibel

    Hey, Christie, what happened to our property-tax rebates? Oh that's right, you ate them.

  • mumbly_joe

    You know what? I hereby propose a new unit of measurement for public finance: the Teachsal. It is equal to the average salary and benefits of one (1) teacher in the locality specified, and it's main pupose is to shame people who decide to cut food and medicine for orphans, and slash public education budgets, while also looting the treasury for the benefit of the super-rich, and taking joyrides in police helecopters.

    For example: I would hardly be surprised if this lazy, fat, fuck hadn't burned nearly a full half-teachsal on taking a helepcopter to his kid's soccer game, then having a personal driver take him the remaining 300 feet to the game itself.

    • franco_pinyon

      You know what? This is a damn good idea.

  • poncho_pilot

    "Fuhgeddaboudit." –The Baron Vladimir Harkonnen.

    • BlueMonkeh

      Where is Feyd?

      • poncho_pilot

        He's at the Bada Bing.The Baron ordered Feyd to kill all of his lovers so he'd learn the price of failure.

    • trondant

      "The Crisco must flow"

  • freshelfpie

    Governer Christie Von Harkonnen.

  • prommie

    Here we go: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=activ

    I'm just surprised that Princess Leia isn't chained to him.

  • The Governor noticed an old political enemy he hadn't seen in years in attendance at the game. During the 7th Inning Stretch, he tracked the fellow to a secluded area under the bleachers and strangled him to death with his size 58 leather belt. He returned to his seat just in time to congratulate his son on a sacrifice fly.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Actually, the jerk left after 5 innings. Yep, that's a big honking $1800/hr chopper, AND a limo, for 5 innings of schoolboy baseball. There surely were teachers in the stands; what was going through their heads would be pretty interesting.

      • GOPCrusher

        But the fact that he went to his son's game will endear him to the Common Man.

  • Gives new meaning to the phrase "fly fat fuck"

  • prommie

    Y'all understand that a State Police driver ($100,000/year salary) had to drive that limousine an hour and a half from Trenton, empty, so it could be there to ferry Fat Fuck the 100 yards from helicopter to ballfield? Then the car and driver waited around for 5 innings of baseball, thats about a year, I think, ferried him back 100 yards, and then drove 90 minutes back to Trenton.

    And it really was the biggest helicopter the State has, and its brand new, it was delivered May 4th.

  • prommie

    Beautiful, I can't get enough of him, he is so obscenely enormous! http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2011/06/

    • BaldarTFlagass

      He's "burly"

    • He's not fat, he's just big-boned!

    • sezme

      What I wouldn't give to be one of his hookworms!

  • tymberwolf817

    Ah, the Jane M. Swift of New Jersey. Except she isn't a fat fuck, and I'm pretty sure she actually walked the 100 yards or so from the 'copter to her house.

  • user-of-owls

    His original plan was to travel by sedia gestatoria, but, well, that idea proved 'impractical.'

  • hagajim

    He's certainly big enough to fill all but the largest of gaping holes.

  • poncho_pilot

    (chopper flying in low over city towards small baseball field. there are speakers on the outside of the chopper playing Kill The Wabbit.)

    Chris Christie: i love the smell of maple syrup in the morning. smells like pancakes.

  • Pithaughn

    In defense of fat fucks. The best employer I ever had was so enormous she could barely walk. But a heart of gold. Despite excruciating pain, she visited with every single table every day all day long for years. Truly a beloved person. She was a devout Christian but took the hymn "They will know we are Christians by our love" as her guiding philosophy.
    I was a prep cook/pot scrubber / bus boy paid $2/hour.

  • I heard that Christie tweeted a picture of his FUPA to a person he met online at FatAndSexy.com

  • DaSandman

    The chopper is a stopgap measure. Many more Papa John's specials he'll be arriving by State Police forklift.

  • prommie

    Wow, TPM is reporting that Palin says she can't afford the fuel for her bus trip, on account of the Obama gas prices, dontcha know. Here's a great idea; she could harpoon Christie and render him down for the oil! I am sure it would burn in a diesel engine, like her bus has! Energy crisis solved, potential rival eliminated!

    • not that Dewey

      Perhaps she would like some Bush/Katrina gas prices instead? That was fun.

    • GOPCrusher

      Yeah, that's a hilarious meme. Obama made fuel prices rise to force his green agenda. In 2008, it was the invisible hand of the free market.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Here's my Mixed Movie Metaphor of the Day:

    Governor Chris Chreosote: "It's good to be da King. Now where's that pissboy? I need a bucket."

  • littlebigdaddy

    I'm blushing!________________________________________

  • Peace in our time

    Some of those shelos are pretty strong, too!

  • not that Dewey

    BLACKHAWK DOWN!!!

  • fuflans

    how could he not be the perfect republican pin up? i mean in every way?

    he eats the greasy foods of the peoples, he burns unnecessary carbon, he cuts the benefits for the little people, he uses state office to his advantage…

    what's not to love here?

  • Zombie_Reagan

    Soon, left-wing thug unions will be demanding state-funded helicopter commutes for all workers.

    UNIONS ARE KILLING AMERICA.

  • Due to the exertion, he suffered a massive cardiac event later that evening at the Governor's residence. While in a coma, he experienced an elaborate alternative existence in which he was a Wisconsin State Senator, encamped at a motel in Rockford, Illinois to avoid an anti-union vote.

  • mourningnmerica

    His hero is Warren Buffet.

    • Peace in our time

      …or anyone who owns a buffet restaurant.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Another wunderkind of the Bush DOJ.

  • AJWjr.
  • finallyhappy

    So who wants him to run for President? wouldn't just one of those days eating the required crap at some state fair kill him? I have no problem with this slob running for the GOP nomination- I look forward to a huge field(ok, he alone would be a huge field) of dishonest, bigoted people hating GOPers all running

  • RoboGuppy

    Christ Christy's chopper is of the double-wide variety… with a 'scoche' more room.

  • DaSandman

    Wait, wait…so if Pluto is no longer a planet does that mean that Governor Big Dump is?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    He IS a Paultard Blimp.

  • ttommyunger

    Got to be tough carrying that much extra bulk around 24/7. How would you like to carry a corpse everywhere you go every day? That's what it must be like being that fat. God, no wonder he is such a miserable fuck. And he keeps doing it to himself, every day, bite by bite. I swear I'd blow my brains out before I'd live a day like that. How does he even reach his ass to wash it? (shudder)

  • Manhattan123

    All of a sudden I have an urge to watch Operation Dumbo Drop.

  • JackObin

    Oh look, an obese, neckless, multiple-chinned Republican. I wonder if he listens to Pugsly Limbaugh?

  • poorgradstudent

    To be fair…eh, no, I can't even be snarky about this. Have a stroke and die slow, you vile hypocrite.

  • lochnessmonster

    I heard he landed in a nearby football field and was driven 1,000 yards(?) to the baseball game. He can't walk that far? He's a heart attack waiting to happen.

  • soojank

    Today, I am grateful that my governor is not a hypocritical fat fuck.

    <3 O'Malley, I guess.

  • Ken Cuccinelli

    Man, Chris Christie fat jokes are just unavoidable. You don't want to go for the easy stuff but you really have no choice, right? This is where Jon Stewart kind of looks at his audience and is like, "yeah, we know this took literally no effort at all."

    Although I have to say most of the time I don't watch cable teevee news so I don't really know from memory what these people sound like and act like. This was quite enjoyable when the Nimrod of the North was getting wall-to-wall coverage. But when I saw Chris Christie on MSNBC for the first time a couple of weeks ago, I literally said to my dad, "I want to punch that guy in the face." HE'S THAT ANNOYING.

  • Poindexter718

    Would have been fine, but Christie also ordered the pilot to hover behind homeplate every time his kid got up to bat, thereby helping the youngster to finally hit one out of the infield. He got a single, at which point the clearly winded Alphonse Christie was lifted for a pinch runner.

  • Soylent Green

    – and I hope his son's team LOST!

  • __kth__

    Fat people aren't contemptible per se. Just fat bullies. Contemptible.

  • Soylent Green

    – and then Princess Lea ran behind him and choked him to death with her slave chain, shot a round into the hold of the chopper, and landspeeded to safety as he careened into the belly of the desert octopus.

  • glamourdammerung

    I must have missed the part where all the teabaggers shriek about this clearly wasteful spending and threaten Christie.

  • HolyCow!!

    XXXL my ass! More like XXXXXL.

  • Negropolis

    I don't know how Governor Fatbastard gets away with calling himself a conservative with that stomach. Ain't nuthin' conservative about that waistline. That he was even allowed in a helicopter was the biggest surprise in this story.

    "Conservative" my black ass. **snort**

    BTW, story has it that the helicopter actually dropped down in a field next to the ballfield, and he literally got into another vehicle and was driven a few dozen meters to the ballfield.

  • Negropolis

    If Christie was a Native Americans, his name would be "Governor Dumps-like-a-truck."

  • freddymcmurray

    Did they use the golf cart to get him to the car?
    http://photos.nj.com/star-ledger/2011/06/helicopt

  • BZ1

    no need for the Goodyear blimp when Chris is around…

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