Poor Mittens. Rudy Giuliani is edging him out in a new CNN/Opinion Research poll, and Giuliani isn’t even running! GOP voters sure are fickle. You’d think they could at least reward Romney just for politely telling everyone that he actually wants to be president. The Mayor of 9/11 hasn’t declared his candidacy and hasn’t hired any staff, because, eh, the Obama guy is still probably going to run and who wants to try to beat that dude?
From CNN:
Giuliani, who was a candidate in the last presidential cycle, is also considering another bid, but an adviser tells CNN that the former New York City mayor is not taking active steps toward getting in the race other than making recent appearances in New Hampshire, which holds the first primary on the road to the White House.
CNN probably just included Giuliani in their poll to make Mittens feel bad. Giuliani still only got 16% of the vote, and Mittens was one point behind him. Aimless field trip queen Sarah Palin was third with only 13%. It’s nice to know that you can be a cross-dressing, gay-people-loving, divorced Catholic guy who’s totally suspect when it comes to conservative social issues, have no policy platform of any kind during one of the worst jobs crises in generations and you will still beat everyone else in the GOP primary field — even when you’re not running for the nomination.
Sad spherical life-form Newt Gingrich came in with 8% of the vote, only slightly ahead of “No One,” who got 5%. [CNN]
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Where's the fuckin' birth certificate? [spit]
That fucker's clearly a gayboy Kenyan.
Wait until Ronald Reagan's skull jumps into the fray!
The other candidates will be skull-fucked?
“No One” is far more qualified than all the other candidates combined.
I still like "None of the Above".
"All of 'em, Katie." (will this meme ever die?)
Ulp, I don't like the sound of "no one is more qualified than Rudy Giuliani."
Rudy won't run but will claim he could beat Obama handily. Just like Huckabee, Daniels, Trump, etc. Meanwhile, Michele Bachmann says God has called on her to run.
God is such a joker!
Hopefully, God will soon call on Michele to "run" … a hot poker in one ear and out the other.
Despite being bat-shit crazy, she is pokeable.
Maybe, it's because of her bat-shit crazy that she is pokeable. Take out the bat-shit crazy, and she's just passable to averagely attractive.
And yet are there not occasions when passable-to-averagely attractive is pretty desirable anyway?
Not that anything like that has ever happened to me….
Like latter-day Tom Sawyers, all the boys are willin' to let Becky Thatcher try and whitewash that fence — and charge her for the privilege.
She misunderstood. God actually told her, " Go away, girl. You bother me."
God is a big fan of W.C. Fields.
Shorter Romney: "Noun – verb – I'm fucked."
How bad does it have to be before he realizes he's just wasting money by continuing this charade.
Imagine how his children feel, watching their inheritance being depleted.
I can see it now……He'll announce his candidacy and sign Slim Jims and Big Gulp cups at the 9-Eleven. He'll finish last in the polls, just below "good Lord, not him"
It's still garbage time.
9houl1an1 might look good at the polls, but they dropped pretty fast when he actually tried to run. At least this time, Sarah Palin's "Bus Tour of Duh" will top 9ud1's as the worst campaign of the election year. The truth for 9ud1 is that he still hasn't learned there is a difference looking "good" on camera like 9/11 and being 9ood.
He's also finishing his second 5-year term as President of 9/11, and there really should be a Constitutional amendment limiting a person to two terms. If he runs again we'll know he just wants to pack the Supreme Court.
You know who else was a New York Mayor who wanted to opt out of term limits?
Michael Bloomberg?
I think what happens with Rude-y is that only a very few people are crazy enough to really want him as preznit.
For most of those who give him a nod in the early polls it is like the intriguing idea of standing on the beach in the face of a massive hurricane. The idea seems sort of cool, unless you really have to live through it.
This is a conspiracy of the New York Jewish gay-loving media elites, who made Friends! Wake up sheeple!!!!111
Are the Republicans that desperate they need to bring back old characters? When is Steve Rhoades going to jump into the race.
Or Dusty Rhodes, The American Dream!
He'd drop an Atomic Elbow right atop Ghouliani's head.
300 Pounds of Sweet Soul
Or Dusty Townes, the stripper character from SCTV!
Or Dirty Sanchez! Man, that guy sure could wrassle! But watch out for that finger!
John Anderson!!!
I'm ready! Bring him on! (Is he still alive?)
Ross Perot! His time has come!
My kiddo, 14, decided we should watch the SNL "Presidential Bash" on Netflix t'other night. I had a hard time explaining the Dana Carvey / Phil Hartman riff on Perot / Stockdale. "WHO AM I AND WHAT AM I DOING HERE?"
GRIDLOCK!!!1!!!!!1!
Until Steve Forbes jumps in, it is just not a Republican Primary.
Which reminds me. Where has Alan Keyes been during all this?
Harold Stassen, where are you in our time of need?!
Pat Buchanan 2012!
Things are pretty bad when Splat Butt-cannon is looking better than the competition!
HELLO… Its RANDY RHOADS! That guy shreds… huh… dead? WTF?! But he's still better than what they're looking at nowadaze.
This has to be embarrassing even for the staunchest Republitard. For once, they are probably wishing that Joe Biden would again open his mouth and put Rudy out of his misery already.
Who WOULDN'T vote for a hot Marilyn cross-dressing fascist?
"Sad spherical life-form Newt Gingrich…"
POTUS must be able to see his penis without a mirror. It's in the Constitution somewhere.
Tell that to William Howard Taft.
He won't answer you, though, because I'm afraid he's dead.
Probably of the diabeetus.
So he wasn't in the movie, Cocoon?
Anthony Weiner for Presanet!
I don't even think he qualified for RuPaul's Drag Race.
That was good news for Raja, obvs.
Whoa, Raja isn't from california, is she? I've already reached my annual quota for over-the-top ghey (ugh, Pride already?), so i'm behind on my pinko news. If it's the same Raja, she's really sweet. I'm sure that's the impression I got cause I missed all the hair-pulling behind scenes but SHIT, a nice drag queen? That stayed in my memory.
If Bachmann and Palin actually make their announcement to run, maybe we can get a hold of Harold Camping and see if we wants to make another adjustment to his Rapture calendar.
Mitt should become the first (?) Mormon superhero. that way, even when he doesn't become president, he'll have that to fall back on. his secret hideout could be a grain silo.
He could wear his Temple Garments outside his suit!
Beat me to it. Damn!
Every Mormon dreams of magic outerwear.
A beehive. For the Mormonism.
Zombie Reagan still has the Tea Party vote locked in.
All of them are, Katie.
'Those GOP voters' keep pretending to find something in their shit sandwich candidate platter they'd actually eat.
Dead Reagan on toast. Yum!
I think that GOP voters just say they like whoever was in the last campaign commercial that they saw. There is just no rhyme or reason to their preferences over time.
These poor schmos can't comment on the weather without some wingnut or teabagger finding fault with it. Whoever manages to say the least, has it locked up — and Herman Cain is the only candidate who's figured this out.
How soon the Republicans forget his brilliant 2008 campaign. Really, if Republicans want to see a has-been camping out in Florida and waiting for an anointing that'll never come, my money's on Jeb Bush.
But you forgot that he got 1 delegate. One.
And at New York City prices, too — $50 mil a pop if I recall correctly.
George the Father, George the Son, JEB the Holy Ghost
This is quickly becoming a new meme, "I definitely could beat Obama but…"
Lolcatz or Loituma Girl could beat Obama but… ! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCO62VNm67k
You have to be "at least this tall" to ride the bumpercars, but yet no similar "at least this sane" requirement exists to run for office. And let's face it–Americans are just stupid and scared enough to actually elect a freakshow like Bachmann or Giuliani. Oh, look, I've depressed myself and it isn't even lunchtime.
Correction: REPUBLICANS are stupid/scared enough to NOMINATE a freakshow like them two.
I'm with edgy, 'cause that 'splains how Geo Wanker got elected–twice! Any electorate that would vote for that intellectual black hole asshole makes me concerned about who comes next, even in this field of morons.
That kind of depression lasts all day until the first gin and tonic.
I'd recommend trepanation.
Drink up Drift…
Nah … only the 'baggers are that dumb. Obama's got to be laughing up his sleeve. (FLOTUS would too, if she had sleeves.)
If the Reeps want a candidate who wears bling, has an old – lady hairstyle, and lacks a policy platform, they should go for Nancy Reagan. Plus, she still talks to Saint Ronnie:
“It sounds strange, but … I see Ronnie. At nighttime, if I wake up, I think Ronnie’s there, and I start to talk to him. It’s not important what I say. But the fact is, I do think he’s there. And I see him.” http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2009/06/na...
Wait no more, GOP: your perfect nominee is here…
Another Reagan going senile.
…I see Ronnie. At nighttime
Nancy? I see Meeshell Bachman and she's crazy-jealous, so watch yer 6…
This is what happens when you build a broad divergent coalition of crazy, every one likes their own special brand. Paste eaters never get along with the light switch lickers and vise versa.
I kind of want to have your babies now.
Just don’t make the same parenting mistake I made. I systematically raised my two boys to question authority forgetting that for the next twenty years that would be me.
They just get together long enough to gang up on the booger-chewers.
With the finger-in-butt smellers waiting in the wings.
Now for something completely different: Breitbart/Boehner/2012. That should cover the whiney/cryey segment of the Repub Party. Leading up to Boehner vs. Weiner 2016.
All of my respect and appreciation for Anthony Weiner aside, I would die a happy man knowing that America had a "President Weiner". That those words would adorn the history books of schoolchildren for generations to come. It would be magical.
As long as it's Texans writing the textbooks, I don't think we have much to worry about. My guess is they won't even be mentioning Obama by 2017.
Boehner vs. Weiner 2016
"A lights-out, no-holes-bared, free-for-all, battle-royal, meat-swinging death-match!"
Oh sweet young Wonkette Jr , you have won my heart with a combo of the Alt-text and this gem " Sad spherical life-form Newt Gingrich".
True dat. I wish Ken would game it so we could upfist particulary noteworthy ALTs…and say, wasn't Junior supposed to get a real byline today, also, too?
Yeah! Where's the byline??!
I think Ken's just letting Jr. post by him/herself. The training wheels are off but daddy's not letting Junior go on any long solo rides yet.
So, basically, voters don't want any of the Republicans who have expressed an interest in running. Frankly, I don't blame them.
I hate that lisping, balcony-seeking, cousin-marrying, grifting shithead. He's 2 gallons of douche in a 1 gallon bag.
Me too….wait, which one are we talking about? Because what you said could apply to them all.
That is almost Seussian.
All douche and no nozzle?
Soundz like Rude-eye needs to take a Planned Parenthood refresher course.
Forgot to mention he is butt-crack ugly.
Winner, winner chicken dinner!
I like that log, it has some good policy proposals.
It's Big!
It's Heavy!
It's Wood!
It's better than bad – it's good !
Screw that. Me and my family are all supporting Inanimate Carbon Rod.
Every headline looks brighter by seeing "beating Romney" in it. With a crowbar, hopefully.
That's also how you separate Mark Foley from Congressional pages.
Smellers of fingers in other people's butts.
I think the people who participate in these polls are just fucking with the poll takers.
Since running against Mr. Obama in 2012 is basically a suicide mission, any potential candidate's best bet is to not run as long as possible.
Better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and prove it.
from your mouth to god's ear.
Needs moar recycled loserz
I, too, am wondering why Breitbart isn't a choice in the poll.
Of course, when Rudy finally announces he's running, he'll plummet to 4% behind "Gah! None of these fuckers!!"
Don't republicans always vote "the greater of two evils?"
Problem is, they can't keep it to two.
Hey, just follow Bush's example:
– Stand on a pile of burning corpses.
– Scream about how you're going to make people pay for what happened there.
– Proceed to go to war with different people under false pretenses.
– Establish strong diplomatic ties with dictatorship actually protecting 9/11 mastermind.
BAM, re-election! Works every time.
Don't forget Diebold…
Poor Newt, indeed. It's got to suck to come in so low that negative numbers are within the margin of error.
I enjoyed, "Sad spherical life-form Newt Gingrich." Wonkette Jr. gets extra points for that.
*Shakes fist at sky* CNNNNNNNNN!!!!
No One/Someone Else 2012!
If I were a Republican, No One would definitely have my vote in the next election cycle. I feel like No One really has a grasp on the issues. I feel comfortable with No One.
I'd say that you could also run Why Bother?, but I don't want to be mean.
If you don't want to be mean, what are you doing on Wonkette?
Distrust this redundant poll: "Tim Pawlenty" and "No One" both got 5%.
They're easily confused with one another. I think its the clothes.
Tim Pawlenty is on a whirlwind tour of Iowa right now, trying to energize the base. It is being met by a "Who the fuck is this?" attitude.
Iowa Republiklans are sending a delegation to New Jersey to try to convince Christie to run.
No One/ Who Cares 2012.
If you remind tea-tards that Muslims don't eat pork, a ham sandwich will poll better than Mittens.
Giuliani also believes in evolution, if I recall, which will sink his chances in the GOP faster than paying a hooker to dress him in a diaper.
GOP oliticians in diapers, changed by hookers, continue to get re-elected.
And conservative preachers who tweak, steal from the collection basket, and cheat on their wives keep getting mega-churches, too, so a hooker and a diaper isn't all that surprising.
Well, it is, after all, the South.
Sheriff, that is probably true in most states but, sadly not in mine.
Vitter for President! Madame Diapers for VP!
"…. Aimless field trip queen Sarah Palin"
i assume you mean drag queen
Add the Orange County lady who forwarded the "White House with watermelon patch out front" to the poll and she will automatically go to #1.
Where is John Galt?
Where is John Galt?
In his mom's basement, yanking one out to daydreams that he's real and important, and not the shitty construct of some awful hack…
Butt slamming Ayn Rand in hell.
In a line of 1, 500, trying to get a job at McDonald's.
No One got 5%. How did Not Sure do?
43%, barely edging out Not Me.
Ida Know / Dotted Line 2012!
Better than Frito Pendejo, I think.
America Needs Santorum.
for lulz
I find that hard to swallow.
You just need to relax your throat muscles a little more.
Oh shit, I think we're going to get stuck with that sanctimonious frothy mix of lube and fecal matter as President, because according to this poll, No One can beat Santorum.
Great picture of Rudi! Here's another.
well at least he wasn't chewing gum.
Mine eyes have seen the horror of the coming of the world!
That picture looks like it could be the next Mrs. Gingrich.
Yep, he looks like Callista, with a perm.
I was in my first week at a math/science teacher at an alternative school. Take one school full of 50 at-risk teens, add 1 pound of regional ignorance, 1 cup of weed induced paranoia and shake well.
Hilarity ensues.
I had the misfortune of listening to Rudy mar an otherwise perfectly lovely commencement weekend at Cornell a couple of days ago. He paid a rather uncomfortably drawn-out tribute to a senior who had died in a fire a few weeks before graduation, and then drew the only parallel any compassionate human being could possibly come up with for that particular tragedy, which was, of course, 9/11. It was not a particularly awesome moment.
Rudi is the President of 9/11. He has arrogated that job to himself. So no matter what he talks about, it always ends up being about 9/11.
I guess they were afraid that the Mooslims were going to attack the School for Aerospace Medicine that we shared the base with and free the monkeys.
Those were the days – "we have second largest collection of Americana in the Midwest! We could be a target!"
Delusions of
grandeurrelevance.The takeaway here? Sure, life sucks. But it has to suck worse if you are a republican.
Is that Julie Anni?
I have also heard his name said 'Julia Nee'.
There must be some mistake. The rightwingnut howling media heads have been yelling for two years that Obama is the biggest loser ever on everything. So where's the shining White knight who will save us from the Dark Annointed One? Oh, here comes Sarah on her tricycle. Win.
Known for his great decisions, like putting the Police/ Fire Command Headquarters in the Trade Towers after the first bombing attempt, and for outfitting the Firemen and the Policemen with radiophones that didn't connect one service to the other. We need a man of this vision, and with these feret overbite teeth.
'Mittens'? I am voting for that, what ever it is. It is clearly cute and sweet and precocious.
You gotta admit, Rudy is the best looking woman in the race.
his only hope is to run in drag… and hey, the Jets are back! (sung to the tune of "The Boys are Back in Town)…
Well, when you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way…
Winterpeg Jets, that is…
You may recall how back in the day when charged with finding the perfect running mate for the callow Republican presidential nominess Bush Jr., Mr. Cheney looked and looked and looked and finally concluded there was none better than… himself. I wouldn't be a bit surprised to see him once again throw himself on the grenade (patriotism!) and announce his candidacy. ZombiesForSatanPAC!
He can't run again. He's already been President for two terms.
i read Some Important Political Analysis somewhere that says the 'baggers have peaked.
no idea if there's any truth to it, but i like the sound of it.
I wonder if that means they implode or explode* all over the face of the republican party. I think they believed that they had an easily manipulated bunch of yahoos available to them at a moments notice to rant against the target of choice, but the astroturfed bastards became autonomous on them and started to cannibalize the party. I don't suppose the truly wealthy care, since they can buy any party they want, but I am thinking a lot of the folks in the republican party that have some familiarity with reality are shitting about now.
*Like a zit, get it? John Blutarsky, Faber College Alumni.
I am thinking a lot of the folks in the republican party that have some familiarity with reality are shitting about now.
In the current Republican party, that should be about 5 people by now.
All the baggers I've seen on the TV news and the internetz look like they "peaked" about 50 or 60 years ago.
Yep, once again we are able to see how serious republicans are, and why they insist that democrats have no sense of humor either.
if you scripted a movie in which newt gingrich, sarah palin, rudy giuliani, rick perry, michele bachmann and some Paul ran for the presidency, it would be considered to far fetched to see the light of day.
or, as shakespeare said much better: "if this were played upon a stage now, i could condemn it as an improbable fiction."
Sy-fy will pay you for that plot as long as they can use really really bad CGI.
I think Philip K. Dick could turn that into a plausible story line, if he wasn't dead.
Do "Patriots" dream of electronic Palins?
Mmmm…Palinbots…
Maybe. Life status doesn't matter when it comes to a sellable script. The important thing is explosions.
Then the Reagan skull idea is not too farfetched?
I want to see Mittens' Mormon birth certificate, the one with a dozen spaces available to list "Mother/Sister Wives" and an additional page that can be added if needed.
It's a lot simpler for Rudy, just one mother–9/11.
How did the pizza guy do in this poll?
The one that delivered the Dominos to CNN pulled ahead of Giuliani, the schmuck that ran Godfathers is somewhere in single digits.
late and cold.
So it is the reverse vampires, then?
It was there last year, should be there next year as well. Wouldn't make sense in the free-for-all Congressional special election coming up, though.
this could work for Rudy – considering the 10th anniversary of 9/11 is coming up and he'll be able to dance on the ashes of the victims again & again….
Had a brother-in-law named Rudy.
Nuf said.
OK, somehow I get the feeling No One's going take this whole thing. It will be a surreal moment when Obama is sitting on a stage facing and debating an empty chair. And yet somehow Fox News will spin it that No One hands-down easily won all the debates.
Guiliani is a fomer law enforcement type, I am pretty sure beating a black guy is high on his to do list.
Rudy's chances are about as important a news item as Atlanta losing its Hockey Team. Yes, yes it did; and no, no one gives a fuck.
I don't blame ole Gules for his hesitance. I'd be loathed to run against President Killedbinladen, too. I mean, after that, 9/11 became so 2001, right?
BTW, speaking of amoral, asexual Republican mayors of New York, whatever happened to Mikey Bloomberg?
Also, two words: Bernie Kerik. That is all.
Who did they poll? GOP transvestites?
No, don't, the next term will be even more of a shit sandwich than the last one, whoever's in charge.
Do you suppose he keeps it in a glass jar?
ZNN
the candidate they ignore
is the candidate they fear
ZNN
Never. It just has to film well in slow-mo.
I'd guess that many of us are passable-to-average, so I have nothing against that. It's just that I'd imagine a huge part of her attractiveness to some folks is that she practically oozes emotional instability.
Well, there is the crazy-woman-equals-great-sex meme. Who'd vote on that basis? Oh, of course….________________________________________
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