EVEN JENNIFER ANISTON HATES HIM!  11:57 am May 31, 2011

Beloved ‘Friends’ TV Show Also Hated Newt Gingrich

by Wonkette Jr.

It was super romantic and sexy when these Friends gals got lesbian-married to each other in this limo!Throughout America’s history, people have always hated Newt Gingrich. Republicans hate him, Democrats hate him, and of course the nation’s wives all hate him. But a new historical document proves that Gingrich was just as unloved in the distant 1990s as he is today — some say he was despised even more then, because people actually knew who he was, because he was the bloated little helmet-headed albino twerp who shut down the federal government because he didn’t get enough Easter candies from the White House. For example, the producers of the beloved sitcom Friends made a special effort to personally shame the hypocrite “social conservative” Gingrich while also mocking Republican Family Values in general.

A dumb new book by some conservative trying to prove television shows are liberal — because a handful of programs such as Sesame Street and Friends occasionally attempted to portray America as something other than a blood-drenched orgy of violence and cruelty — reveals how the latter show targeted Gingrich by hiring his lesbian sister to perform a gay wedding on the show:

Among Shapiro’s most revelatory interviewees is Marta Kauffman, the co-creator of Friends, who recalls how she hired a “bunch of liberals” to run the program to “put out there what we believe.” In 1999, she admitted casting the actress sister of Newt Gingrich, the prominent Republican, to play a preacher at a lesbian wedding because she wanted to annoy conservatives.

“When we did the lesbian wedding, we knew there was going to be some flack,” said Kauffman. “I have to say, when we cast Candace Gingrich as the minister of that wedding, there was a bit of a ‘fuck you’ in it to the right-wing, directly.”

See, it’s not just Newt’s many ex-wives who hate his swollen guts. His own blood relations despise him, too! [Independent]

 
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{ 236 comments }

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 11:59 am

"Who you durrin'"

nounverb911 May 31, 2011 at 12:00 pm

"little helmet-headed albino twerp who shut down the federal government"
Calista shut down the government too?

mariser May 31, 2011 at 4:45 pm

"little" is not the adjective that comes to mind. "helmet-headed albino twerp" is right on.

Barb May 31, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Too bad Callista wasn't around then. She could have been cast to play the ring bearer. That bitch has more rings than the redwood forest.

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Can we cut her in half to count them? Oh, please, please.

AJWjr. May 31, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Longitudinally, of course?

Maman May 31, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Um, I think Callista was around then… She was just off waiting secretly for Newt's 2nd wife to get sick so she could be divorced. They have been married 10 years (whee!) but fucked around for 6 before. Newt will no doubt disagree but math and other kinds of facts have never been his friend.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 12:25 pm

♪♩ Catholic Girls, do you know how they go? ♬♪

Maman May 31, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Generally… as I was one myself… but trust me. As much as my folks love the Newtster… they would have kicked my ass if I brought him home. So I guess she has some sort of hippie-Catholic parents?

riverside68 May 31, 2011 at 12:53 pm

My guess is she has massive daddy issues: Marrying Newt was a way to fuck daddy, and at the same time fuck daddy also.

Chet Kincaid May 31, 2011 at 1:31 pm

I am picturing the Eye of Newt like the Eye Of Sauron, huge and blazing, suddenly appearing in the ladies locker room of a Bally's or in the bathroom mirror of a young Congressional Aid and freaking her the hell out.

Rosie_Scenario May 31, 2011 at 12:27 pm

I thought you'd say she could have held the ring on her long pointy nose.

ttommyunger May 31, 2011 at 9:50 pm

I think Calista was too busy smooching Newtie's tiny goober to bother herself with other issues.

tihond May 31, 2011 at 12:01 pm

That episode wasn't as good as "The one in which Newt wears the leather pants."

Lucidamente1 May 31, 2011 at 12:01 pm

I kinda missed the "Teletubbies make you gay" meme. Glad to see it's back.

Beowoof May 31, 2011 at 12:14 pm

You should see the Teletubbies in French, its so gay Newt's head would explode. (WIN).

Weenus299 May 31, 2011 at 12:27 pm

What is that like? A French C-Span?

baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 12:02 pm

That show sucked!

(this comment is 100% snark free)

JustPixelz May 31, 2011 at 12:06 pm

I never got its appeal. BTW, What's a "friend"?

baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 12:10 pm

It also had the worst theme song. They should play that song at Git-Mo. It would get more results than water boarding.

Terry May 31, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Along with the song that apparently played at some American Idol finale.

"You had a bad day, you're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride "

Jaysus, do I hate that song with a rare and eternally burning passion.

anniegetyerfun May 31, 2011 at 2:05 pm

I am so embarrassed to admit this, but for some reason, I love both songs. I understand, intellectually, why they are the worst songs ever written, but I can't help myself. I love a good fucking boppy song.

I hated Friends, though.

Swampgas_Man May 31, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Even 80's "classeccchh" stations won't play it anymore, thank Gawd.

Gunner Asch May 31, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Looking for truly bad songs? Start here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZThquH5t0ow

freakishlywrong May 31, 2011 at 12:19 pm

A friend is a complete stranger who you snark with on the internets and who pees on your comments.

Limeylizzie May 31, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Hello, mon ami!

Trollina Dumbass May 31, 2011 at 12:09 pm

I mean, could it have been any lamer?!

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 12:12 pm

I got that!!!

Trollina Dumbass May 31, 2011 at 12:48 pm

;-)

SpurningBeer May 31, 2011 at 8:01 pm

A comment about nothing, eh?

MonaLisa (in CT) June 5, 2011 at 4:43 pm

I, too, see what you did there. Also.

DashboardBuddha May 31, 2011 at 12:12 pm

The girls were nice. Schwimmer still makes me cringe.

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Can't think of a bigger whiner ever…

SayItWithWookies May 31, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Schwimmer, loathesome as his character was in Friends, actually did a really good job in Band of Brothers. I didn't even recognize him when I first saw him — of course, he spoke like a normal human, without that high nasally whine that he used for Ross.

DashboardBuddha May 31, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Agreed…he did a great job in BoB…but then, he was playing the part of a person who was pretty loathsome in real life.

Chet Kincaid May 31, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Remember a couple of seasons ago when Schwimmer was on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and got replaced halfway through by Ben Stiller? Dude came off as a stone-serious, self-important ass, which is a feat on a show where jerks are expected to be funny.

smokefilledroommate May 31, 2011 at 12:19 pm

You know, amazingly I never watched a single episode–(this coming from a gen x-er). To me, it screamed suck from the onset.

baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Well I can discribe it to you. It was like getting hit in the batch with a 2X2. I saw car wrecks funnier.

chilequiles May 31, 2011 at 4:33 pm

No no, you are very much mistaken. Friends is CLEARLY more akin to slamming your balls repeatedly in a car door.

Weenus299 May 31, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Same here, for the backhanded racism. White people dancing around a fountain = "comedy" show, black people dancing around a fountain = prelude to a mass arrest.

JustPixelz May 31, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Yeah but who are the better dancers? Oh wait, that's kinda racist. Howzabout who has the wetter fountain. That sounds kinda sexist, maybe about the women. I'll have to google "wet women" tto find out. I'm at work, but should be a safe search, right?

PhilippePetain May 31, 2011 at 12:53 pm

I was in high School when this show was on. I remember them marketing it as "something you had to watch so you could talk about it around the water cooler at work."

The idea that this would matter to people made me fear for my future.

DashboardBuddha May 31, 2011 at 1:06 pm

OT – During the Cheers era, I used to get together with friend on a Thursday night in a local bar and we would all watch the show. It was a bar full of losers watching a show about a bar full of losers. It was comforting in a way.

Chillwaver May 31, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Let me put it this way, "Two & Half Men" is funny in comparison.

SayItWithWookies May 31, 2011 at 12:32 pm

It's as though you don't find anything fascinating about upper-middle-class white people living a sterile Martha-Stewarty existence having overwrought dramas over exactly nothing, over and over forever. I like to call it Woss Wuvs Wachel. Horrible little pestilence of a show.

SarcasticNymph June 3, 2011 at 2:22 am

thirtysomething?

Doktor Zoom May 31, 2011 at 12:45 pm

It had one redeeming feature: It provided a pretty good carry-over audience for Mad About You, which was pretty good until the writers decided to introduce a baby and the show jumped the shark.

GhostBuggy May 31, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Fun fact: "Mad About You," "Friends" and "Seinfeld" all occur in the same fictional universe. Paul Riser's character lived in Jerry's apartment before Jerry did, or some damn thing. And one of the chicks from "Friends" was on "Mad."

The more you know.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Lisa Kudrow was on Mad about You.

Doktor Zoom May 31, 2011 at 1:05 pm

I have no doubt that, in the big picture, they were all just figment's of Tommy Westphall's imagination.

As are we all.

GhostBuggy May 31, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Well, Doktor, have you seen this? Scroll down to the crazy, crazy grid.
http://home.vicnet.net.au/~kwgow/crossovers.html

Doktor Zoom May 31, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I never watched that show, and was not aware that this was a thing. Your link was borked, but there's a more complete discussion here, which also includes a link to the movie you linked. Unless this is all a big inside joke. Either way, I love the internets.

EDIT: Hey, a borked link is no reason to delete your comment! Or…oh my god…the coverup has gotten to you, too!

GhostBuggy May 31, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I remember thinking, at the time, "This is the anti-Seinfeld." I had friends who swore they liked both shows, but I couldn't get my mind around that. "Seinfeld" was everything right about sitcoms, in that it was a savage parody of how awful sitcoms really are, and "Friends" was the ultimate in typical sitcommery.

I made a word!

smokefilledroommate May 31, 2011 at 1:25 pm

'shitcommery'

/fixed

Doktor Zoom May 31, 2011 at 2:06 pm

And then Larry David did the Seinfeld reunion plotline in Curb Your Enthusiasm, basically turning the Fourth Wall into a möbius strip.

Swampgas_Man May 31, 2011 at 2:14 pm

They were friends in Real Life, too!

fuflans May 31, 2011 at 4:57 pm

look what you started with a comment about a mediocre 90's sitcom!!!

who knew?

baconzgood June 1, 2011 at 7:47 am

Threads are fickle. All I said is that the show sucked. Who know it sucked with "1000 points of light".

ManchuCandidate May 31, 2011 at 12:03 pm

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your run's a joke, you're broke, your wife loves Tiffany's.

It's like you're always stuck in asshole mode
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year
but..

We'll be mocking you
When the shit starts to fall
We'll be mocking you
Like you're been there before
We'll be mocking you
'Cuz we just hate you too..

*I hate 'Friends" and that goddamned theme song so I do this with a slight amount of sadness… and a lot of shame.

EBGrey May 31, 2011 at 12:48 pm

You forgot the claps…clap, clap, clap, clap.

Swampgas_Man May 31, 2011 at 2:15 pm

I was convinced that line was, "You're always suckin' someone's rear."

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 12:03 pm

"A dumb new book by some conservative trying to prove television shows are liberal"

Whatever the fuck for, I ask. Who gives a shit? Don't watch. I'm a liberal, and I wouldn't watch network TV shows no matter how fucking liberal they were.

KeepFnThatChicken May 31, 2011 at 12:13 pm

I gave up on network television during Family Ties. I haven't missed it at all.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 1:04 pm

I lived for three TV-less years in Turkey when I was in my early teens. Learned to read for amusement, and watch movies. When we came back (1973), I was all excited because I was going to be able to watch TV again. But instead, I was all, "What the fuck is this shit?" I didn't remember it being so lame. I watched some Norman Lear shows and MASH for a couple years, then said fuck it. I think the only thing I ever watched regularly after that was that Baltimore show called Homicide.

Sue4466 May 31, 2011 at 12:27 pm

That's so not the point! Nothing should be on tv or ever written in books or magazines or newspapers or on the internet that conservatives don't agree with and that doesn't project their world view.

Thinking otherwise makes you an America hating communist and probably a secret Muslin. Changing channels is socialism. Think of the freedom.

Weenus299 May 31, 2011 at 12:31 pm

For it to be put into a dumb book form, I'll bet it's less than 200 pages and in 14-point type.

Swampgas_Man May 31, 2011 at 2:18 pm

So if this show hated Newtrich and we hate this show, then by the transitive property we wuv Newtie?

Angry_Marmot May 31, 2011 at 7:55 pm

"… that conservatives don't agree with and that doesn't project protect their world view."

fixed.

Guppy06 May 31, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Are you suggesting these conservatives try free-market capitalism?

DashboardBuddha May 31, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Seriously. I wouldn't care if the show featured Obama chewing gum while shitting on an American flag he looted from a home in Joplin. I still wouldn't watch it.

SexySmurf May 31, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Sesame Street is "liberal" because it teaches kids how to read.

ManchuCandidate May 31, 2011 at 12:06 pm

All Teebee is librul except NASCAR and Footbawl.

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Footbawl is a bit gay sometimes…too.

SexySmurf May 31, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Football is not gay! What's gay about dudes cradling balls, tackling tight ends and then slapping each other on the ass.

BlueMonkeh May 31, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Football pants. I rest my case.

Angry_Marmot May 31, 2011 at 8:17 pm

I am assured that football is as gay as Batman.

littlebigdaddy May 31, 2011 at 12:22 pm
OneDollarJuana May 31, 2011 at 12:42 pm

NASCAR=Football. Only diff is that NASCAR runs on gas while football runs on ass.

littlebigdaddy May 31, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Even the nigra ones, and that's a violation of the South Carolina Human Property Rights Act of 1857. States' rights, y'all!

Terry May 31, 2011 at 12:31 pm

It teaches them to share and to be considerate of others. Obviously, it's a communist front.

smokefilledroommate May 31, 2011 at 12:33 pm

The letter 'N' is actually Communist.

AJWjr. May 31, 2011 at 12:45 pm

What about 'T'?

smokefilledroommate May 31, 2011 at 1:47 pm

'T' was responsible for plotting the bloody coup that overthrew the third Gordon in the Great Muppet Rebellion of 1976. Don't fuck with T–T will cut you.

riverside68 May 31, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Don't forget addition, the devil's work if I ever did see it.

Swampgas_Man May 31, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Algebra is a muslim plot, a fact I tried in vain to communicate to my parents.

petehammer May 31, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Did you point out that 9/11, a fraction, is just furthering the plot?

FrenchTwist40 June 2, 2011 at 1:41 am

Actually, a friend of mine who was raising kids in Alabama in the 1970s, once got asked by a fellow parent not to allow their child to watch SESAME STREET, because it advocated for interracial marriage. It turned out that the complaining parent had a B&W TV set (yes, kiddies, that used to be a real thing), and didn't realize that the different-colored muppet couples were actually blue and orange.

nounverb911 May 31, 2011 at 12:05 pm

"Friends"? That was the show were everyone wound up in jail in the series finale, right?

Swampgas_Man May 31, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Naw, they all drank the Jonestown brand Kool-Aid and went to that Heaven's Gate satellite.

smokefilledroommate May 31, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Did you hear they found another Heaven's Gate suicide victim?
He was underneath the sink behind the Comet.
*rimshot*

freakishlywrong May 31, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Weird. I never related to Friends. I was living in NYC at the time and it in no way reflected my lifestyle. But I do relate to despising the waddle that is Newt Gingrech. I also wish the left would start saying "fuck you" to the conservative wing a little more often.

DerrickWildcat May 31, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Pretty nice pad for nobody with a decent job.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 12:36 pm

I just assumed the girls were turning tricks and/or dealing coke on the side to pay for that loft. Made the show more fun to watch, that way.

SexySmurf May 31, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Didn't reflect your lifestyle? Are you saying you couldn't afford a huge Manhattan apartment on a waitress' salary and that you actually saw a black person once in a while?

BlueMonkeh May 31, 2011 at 12:06 pm

See! It was all the tee-vee's fault that Noot the Poot so disgusted 1990's duhMerka.

Seriously, if Noot the Poot being inflicted upon this country again isn't proof enough Gawd hates us, I don't know what is.

Callyson May 31, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Call me an optimist, but wouldn't it be freaking great if Callista ran off with Candace Gingrich? Perfect karma…

Weenus299 May 31, 2011 at 12:35 pm

While Newt was in open heart surgery getting all those Twix bars pulled out. Some sort of justice would then occur.

Ansnarkist May 31, 2011 at 12:07 pm

According to Wikipedia, Friends used Pavement's Rattled by the Rush as buffer music between scenes. I've listened for this, but I've never heard it. If anyone can confirm or deny this, it would be you guys at Wonkette.

Ken Layne May 31, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Love the Pavement. Haven't seen an actual episode of Friends (hooray!) so who knows, but most shows in repeats are trimmed to squeeze in more commercials, and that would mean the bumper music got cut in the trim, right? Anyway, here's the vid of the Pavement song in question, and the description says "as heard in 'Friends'", so there you go? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMN6pZ1lh-Y

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 1:10 pm

"They need to stop being lazy & clean the tub".

Chillwaver May 31, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Friends hate Newt period.

Ansnarkist May 31, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Friends hate him as well.

Chillwaver May 31, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Sorry…the "edit" button and my OCD are a terrible combination. The original comment was "Friends, the reality show hates Newt too."

riverside68 May 31, 2011 at 1:00 pm

"Friends, reality hates Newt too."

Ansnarkist May 31, 2011 at 1:14 pm

See, I just thought there was a reality show called Friends that was a precursor to The Real World and The Jersey Shore.

My bad.

SayItWithWookies May 31, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Friends don't let friends ride Newt.

petehammer May 31, 2011 at 5:21 pm

"Friends hate Newt's periods."

Dude can get pretty bitchy.

DerrickWildcat May 31, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Still hate, "Friends"

CapnFatback May 31, 2011 at 12:08 pm

I thought this post was going to be about how the show booted Marcel the monkey after (during?) the first season, thus ensuring that every joke on Friends would go over Gingrich's head.

Buckminster May 31, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Any way of saying "fuck you" to Newtie is fine by me.

Oblios_Cap May 31, 2011 at 12:08 pm

In 1999, she admitted casting the actress sister of Newt Gingrich, the prominent Republican, to play a preacher at a lesbian wedding because she wanted to annoy conservatives.

So the group who thinks annoying liberals is a source of endless hilarity (not to mention a policy bais) is upset when some low-key liberal does something designed to annoy them?

What a bunch of whiny assed titty babies!

littlebigdaddy May 31, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Wow…shades of Dan Quayle. Will the Repubs ever figure out that they will not get anywhere with paranoid rants about harmless popular lower-middlebrow pop culture? Also, us uberliberals spend all our free time online. I haven't watched a sitcom since Northern Exposure went off the air.

BlueMonkeh May 31, 2011 at 12:10 pm

OMG…I actually thought it might be cool to live in Alaska back then.

Snowbilly ruined everything.

genxr May 31, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Wasn't it filmed in Washington State? That would make it cool to live in Seattle and talk about Alaska.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Roslyn, WA. Actually a very nice little place to visit, pre-Northern Exposure; probably still is.

Back in the day, I'd take a motorbike trip from Seattle to Montana every summer, and Roslyn was my first stop along the way. Have lunch and a couple of local microbrews at The Brick, then sober up by walking across town to the tiny local butcher who made the best peperoni and jerky I've ever had.

riverside68 May 31, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Way, way, back in the day, before hippies and microbrews, the Brick was the place Kittitas Valley teenagers went to drink because there were no police in Roslyn.

Then we started growing Ellensburg Emerald weed, and didn't need to cage beer anymore. Then Nixon was elected and it's been downhill ever since.

Doktor Zoom May 31, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Clearly cherry picking the examples. Why no acknowledgement of "The One Where Joey Witnesses to Chandler, Who Accepts Jesus as Lord and is Saved"?

petehammer May 31, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Or the one where the Monkey converts to Hinduism and is immediately struck down and goes to hell. Jean Claude Van Damme guest starred.

Beowoof May 31, 2011 at 12:10 pm

A fuck you to the right wing? I thought that wonkette was all about saying fuck you to the right wing everyday. Its why I joined, cause nothing is more fun than saying fuck you to right wingers.

Chillwaver May 31, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Who needs friends when you have Callista and a $500K interest-free line of credit at Tiffanys?

riverside68 May 31, 2011 at 1:12 pm

"Who needs friends when a $500K interest free line of credit will get you a Callista?"

SexySmurf May 31, 2011 at 12:13 pm

If Friends was so liberal how come there was never any black people on it?

occams8ball May 31, 2011 at 1:13 pm

because it didn't "play well" with the target demographic. duh.

petehammer May 31, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Herman Cain! Don't you have a campaign to run?

MonaLisa (in CT) June 5, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Wait, there was the one with the cheap wedding dress, where Ross and Joey were both tryin'ta hook up wit' Gabrielle Union…

Bonzos_Bed_Time May 31, 2011 at 12:14 pm

So which ones were the lesbians?

elviouslyqueer May 31, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Duh, Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc.

Ducksworthy May 31, 2011 at 12:44 pm

All of them.

Ken Layne May 31, 2011 at 12:44 pm

All of them, Katie.

Steverino247 May 31, 2011 at 1:05 pm

That would explain Jennifer Anniston being single (still).

BlueMonkeh May 31, 2011 at 12:14 pm

QUESTION: Was Wonkette Jr. even born when this abomination was on the teevee? Or is he/she watching it on Netflix right now?

weejee May 31, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Following TeaParty approved circular reasoning: Newt's sister is ghey, the world agrees that Newt sucks, therefore Newt is ghey.

♪♫ And the thoughts on Sarah's bus go round and round ♫♪

OC_Surf_Serf May 31, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Ken,

It's Tuesday: Time to reveal the identity of our Wonkette Jr.

Thank you,

OC

bigdupa May 31, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Is it Shorts?

petehammer May 31, 2011 at 5:24 pm

"OC"?

Don't call it that.

DerrickWildcat May 31, 2011 at 12:17 pm

A successful matching of an insipid theme song with a brainless show.

SenileAgitation May 31, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Murphy Brown was intent on destroying this country before Ross and his buddies made it cool by using lesbians. I think Dick Van Dyke began the pernicious practice with Mory Amsterdam and Rosemarie. I could never become Republican due to the TV brainwashing I received as a child. As a result, I had to vote for a Black man for President! Black! And he's running again!

nappyduggs May 31, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Well that explains the six months Newt spent in his basement, wearing a latex onesie and a "Rachel" wig, dancing around like Buffalo Bill from "The Silence of the Lambs".

"It puts the Cadbury Creme Eggs in the basket, or it gets filibustered again." How very sad.

Amo_of_Bogio May 31, 2011 at 12:44 pm

You win 1,000 internets! I snorted the milk clean out of my nose.

HarryButtle June 9, 2011 at 7:48 pm

The image of Newt tucking his junk between his chubby legs and dancing around to the Violent Femmes and saying "Yea, I'd fuck me." is just too horrrible. Time to swallow a bullet.

ifthethunderdontgetya May 31, 2011 at 12:17 pm

…because he was the bloated little helmet-headed albino twerp

Was and is, too. Rock on, Wonkette, Jr.

P.S. Are you a collective, still, or was Ken just pulling our legs?
~

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Was "Highway to Heaven" liberal? Was "Touched by an Angel" liberal?

Was the top-level takeaway from "Starsky & Hutch" liberal? Oh, wait….

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I'm pretty sure "Dukes of Hazard" counts as liberal because one of the cops is an openly gay commenter on teh Wonkettes.

Steverino247 May 31, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I once heard an announcement for a "special two hour BJ" on the TV, but it was a promo for that really stupid "BJ and the Bear" show.

(How do you hold back for two hours, I thought.)

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 1:11 pm

I do think you are right. Especially after watching “A very special episode of Blossom”.

trondant May 31, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Cocaine. Lots and lots of cocaine.

MonaLisa (in CT) June 5, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Simple: accelerando poco a poco, ritardando, accelerando, meno mosso, then con brio, followed by some largo non troppo.

Repeat… oh, twice or so….

THEN – Più vivace. Pochissimo ritard. Più vivace. Pochissimo ritard. Più vivace. Pochissimo ritard. (Watch for blue-ness. It's a HOOT!)

Finally: Allegro. Vivace. (skip vivo, it's just overkill) Then you go Presto! Vivacissimo!! Prestissimo!!!!elebenty-one!!1

Diminuendo.

edgydrifter May 31, 2011 at 12:18 pm

The line between fantasy and reality is blurry at best for most conservatives. Half of them are still pissed off at Murphy Brown, and the other half can't figure out how Conan the Barbarian could be fighting space monsters in Guatemala and impregnating house servants in California at the same time.

AJWjr. May 31, 2011 at 12:56 pm

How many of them are still pissed off at Scalia for marrying Denny Crane to his pal Alan Shore?

MonaLisa (in CT) June 5, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Ah, but see… Two old rich guys? They get to do whatever they want..

Wilcoxyz May 31, 2011 at 12:19 pm

I blame Friends for the election of George Bush in 2000. I also blame Good Times for the election of Ronald Reagan.

Doktor Zoom May 31, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I blame Jimy "JJ" Walker for suicide bombers. DYNO-MITE!!

carlgt1 May 31, 2011 at 12:20 pm

you know conservatives have a bankrupt ideology when they can be shamed by an episode of "Friends!" that really says it all….

JustPixelz May 31, 2011 at 12:22 pm

We need only look back to "Friends" to see why same-sex marriage is now recognized in many states and supported by a majority nationally. They used the power of their pulpit (almost literally in this case) to change minds.

But while television productions boast of their ability to influence opinion toward values they admire, they must take responsibility for some less worthy outcomes. "Two and a Half Men" especially, which gives us a sociopathic satyr as role model; marriage as a source of personal tragedy; children as certain disappointments. I hate that show. Thanks for listening.

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 12:22 pm

BTW: Does not every TeeVee set have a channel changer and/or an off switch? When we watched to much TeeVee Dad took wire cutter to the cord, cut it off and hid it.

I got all my liberal bias from Charlie's Angels.

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Well, heck. The could have had a black doorman or a colored maid.

littlebigdaddy May 31, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Or George Jefferson as the annoying neighbor!

DahBoner May 31, 2011 at 1:38 pm

George was uppereastside.

Friends was clearly upperwestside…

RadioJr. May 31, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Friends never let friends watch Friends.

Redhead May 31, 2011 at 12:25 pm

It's all a big conspiracy and everyone's out to get Newt by saying that he's… a cheating hypocritical asshole who says one thing, does another and then throws a tantrum. Which he is. CONSPIRACY!

donner_froh May 31, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Cheney, Gingrich, Reagan. A secret club–disgusting slimeballs with close relatives who are gay and out.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 31, 2011 at 12:28 pm

This is such a misunderstanding of Newt. He is simply opposed to any marriages that do not involve first cousins.

DerrickWildcat May 31, 2011 at 12:30 pm

One time I fell asleep on the couch and woke up and accidentally saw 10 seconds of, "Joey."
I don't remember how long I was out, but when I awoke, I was in the street lying in a pool of my own warm sick!

Ansnarkist May 31, 2011 at 1:16 pm

I once thought that there was a two-hour marathon of "Joey" on NBC, but it was actually just W. giving some speech (State of the Union, maybe?). Just when I thought the show was getting funnier.

Oblios_Cap May 31, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Next someone will say that Starship Troopers is an anti-war film.

trondant May 31, 2011 at 6:08 pm

I'd buy that for a dollar!

MonaLisa (in CT) June 5, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Yes, even teh RWNJ's would surely condemn a movie wherein the 'Big-Bad' which 'we' must control or annihilate with large, powerful weaponry is a giant, red, swollen, pulsatin' oriface…

Oh, wait….

genxr May 31, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Did you see "The One Where Bush Crashes the Economy?" Hilarious episode.

Weenus299 May 31, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Friends don't let friends support Newt.

Terry May 31, 2011 at 12:37 pm

I stopped watching Friends after Ross, the paleontologist, had sex with one of the women (Rachel?) in the middle of an exhibit at the museum at which he worked…and didn't get fired. First, dusty old exhibit…ewwwwww. Second, are there no guards or cameras at that place? He'd have been out on his arse in a New York minute.

Oblios_Cap May 31, 2011 at 12:40 pm

"New York Minute".

Nice!

riverside68 May 31, 2011 at 1:19 pm

I'm sorry was there something in the handbook about not having sex on the set? Because if I had read that, I wouldn't of had sex."

ttommyunger May 31, 2011 at 9:57 pm

I've had sex with Jennifer Anniston on numerous occasions, usually at my residence, though, so no problems.

Negropolis May 31, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Also, only in your dreams. Also.

I find it funny (maybe a little satisfying?) that Jennifer Aniston has now been smeared as a female douchebag/creepy cougar.

ttommyunger May 31, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Dreams aren't the same as fantasy. I was wide awake, sir! Plus, regarding your second part: public opinion is a fickle cunt. That goes double for the media.

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 12:38 pm

I bet conservatives absolutely hated Mary Tyler Moore when she had First Lady Betty Ford on her show. Of course, Betty doesn't remember a second of the appearance having gotten into the cooking sherry on "The Sue Ann Niven" "Happy Homemaker" set.

That bitch!

mavenmaven May 31, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Its sad watching Friends nowadays. The zeitgeist today would not allow that kind of open minded programming today, it would be considered too provocative. Now its 60s mad men style "women as playboy bunny" programming again.

Negropolis May 31, 2011 at 11:38 pm

I don't know. I think Friends wouldn't work now, but not because it's so open-minded,but because it seems so naive and because we are so much more cynical. I don't think a lot of people realize how much of our innocences we lost after 9/11. That event kind of forced us to see this place for what it really is, both the good and the bad, for the first time in a long time.

Friends wouldn't have worked, but not because times were so much better socially back then. If you'd have told the the writers of Friends, for instance, that gay marriage would be legal in Iowa, it'd have been a show beacuse it'd have been so absurd. Sometimes, in the midst of the transient ups and downs of politics, we've forgotten how far we've come at a social level.

We were under so many more (positive) illusions back then. We still honestly believed we were the purest-hearted, most virtuous nation in the world, back then. You look at Friends, now, and both their immediate and social concerns seem so incredibly inane, even more so than they seemed at the time.

GuyClinch May 31, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Is it Retro Week again? Jesus.

DemonicRage May 31, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Wow! This is almost as interesting as learning that, back in the ICE AGE, what we call chickens had dinosaur legs and were as tall as three buildings. I am going to sit in the sun and just reflect on how Rachel, Ross and the others all had low feelings about the Newt. How happy I am that Sarah Palin and her motorcycle posse have made all of this irrelevant. In just a few happy months, Sara and the motorcycle roustabouts will put us back on the path to greatness.

DashboardBuddha May 31, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Yeah…that Selleck episode was pretty creepy and mawkish at the same time.

PhilippePetain May 31, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Wait, wasn't Selleck a recurring character, because he was wrinkle-fucking Courtney Cox?

DashboardBuddha May 31, 2011 at 1:10 pm

That's right. PLUS, he was also a sort of family values-y character as well. Something along the lines of "I've only had sex with the women I love. My dead wife (while she was alive) and you"…or some kind of dribble.

Selleck was better when he was cold banging wahines on Magnum.

baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Tee-Hee
"Cox"

chascates May 31, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Still not as earthshaking as when Dan Quayle complained Murphy Brown was a tramp for being an unwed mother.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 12:54 pm

"Republicans hate him, Democrats hate him, and of course the nation’s wives all hate him. "

Unfortunately, our hate only makes him stronger.

genxr May 31, 2011 at 12:54 pm

"I don't get it. Why doesn't Ross, the largest friend, simply eat the others?"

-Lurrr of Omicron Persei 8

x111e7thst May 31, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Well, I grew up Republican and I grew up mean,
My dick got hard and my wits got lean,
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
etc

genxr May 31, 2011 at 12:57 pm

A Boy Named Newt?

mrblifil May 31, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Based on my Twitter conversation with him, I can state categorically his is a mushroom head.

privatejoker77 May 31, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Well, good for the producers, but I'm really happy about never watching an episode of Friends.

imissopus May 31, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Maybe if conservatives didn't spend so much time glorifying war and demonizing gay people, there would be no need for TV shows to try and push back on them.

Also MASH was actually adapted from an anti-war novel written by a guy who actually served as a doctor during the Korean War. Funny how blackly comic anti-war novels keep being written by the people who serve in wars.

genxr May 31, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Funny, that. And before John Wayne made the pro-war propaganda piece The Green Berets he served in…? Anyway, he sure seemed to be having a good ol' time playing soldier in Vietnam, even if it was in Arkansas.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 1:14 pm

We truly are running out of retro. A new Scream movie, That 70s Show playing prominently on MTV (afternoons, before my absolute favourite show, Teen Mom*), Soundgarden putting out new music — it's only a matter of time before Fred Durst comes back around. In fact, wouldn't "Nookie" be a great campaign theme for the Newt?

*Absoulutely snark-free.

emmelemm May 31, 2011 at 4:51 pm

"I did it all for the nookie" … yeah, sounds about right.

riverside68 May 31, 2011 at 1:15 pm

It helps if your crazy when you start looking.

102415 May 31, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Apropos of nothing, Ayn loved the skateboarding!

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 3:16 pm

I wonder if she drove a white Cobra II with two blue stripes down the middle, an orange Ford Pinto or a beige Ford Mustang II?

hagajim May 31, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Kinda sucks being a Newt…nobody loves the lizard.

DahBoner May 31, 2011 at 1:32 pm

The only thing funny about Friends was how funny everyone thought it was, but nobody could quote one single funny thing from the show…

Swampgas_Man May 31, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Can't think of any styles or fads it spawned either.

LionHeartSoyDog May 31, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Ms. Aniston nipple-check.

SarcasticNymph June 3, 2011 at 2:21 am

Aniston's hairdo.

Negropolis May 31, 2011 at 11:08 pm

The only thing anyone could ever quote/sing was "Smelly Cat". I have to admit that that absudist song was pretty damned funny.

LiveToServeYa May 31, 2011 at 1:33 pm

*That's* a 'fuck you'? No, a 'fuck you' is bringing on an easily-recognizable, caricatured Newt-character and heaping scorn and derision on him. Needs moar volume.

DahBoner May 31, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I walked past a giant coffee cup place in Chelsea. 110% gay…

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 1:35 pm

The last time I was in The Brick (probably 1991), I asked the bartender about that. He said, "Just. Don't."

RodneyBadger May 31, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Thanks for making me fee old, Wonkette. Why don't you make a post about ER next? Jerks.

SheriffRoscoe May 31, 2011 at 1:49 pm

There's a reason Hollywood is run by liberals. We know that if we let Conservatives run the entertainment business it'll be wall-to-wall "America's Funniest Home Videos", and apocalyptic dramas starring Kirk Cameron.

Chet Kincaid May 31, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Why, I never even OWNED a television until 2009, having vowed that I would read all of the texts of the world's Great Religions before allowing the Vast Wasteland a place of honor in my living…ah, fuck this Show-Intellectual comment posturing–I have watched a TON of network television, with the front curtains open for the whole neighborhood to see! And I'd do it again!

But not Friends. Fuck that show.

gurukalehuru May 31, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Serious comment here: It depends on the type of show. Cop shows, which dominate television to a ridiculous degree, are practically arguments for fascism. Comedies, of course, are inherently liberal, because it's almost impossible to be right wing and funny at the same time. Soaps glorify the rich – they make a show out of presenting more than one side of an issue, but in the great class war, it's pretty clear which side they're on. Talk shows can go one way or the other, depending on the host, but Conan is much funnier than Leno, and you all know why.
The only thing on TV that's entirely neutral is sports.

Rotundo_ May 31, 2011 at 5:24 pm

There still is a strong element of "classism" in sports as well, check the ads for football versus tennis versus golf versus nascar versus baseball and you'll see the not-too-subtle differences in target audiences and the messages sent. Neutral doesn't exist in most things, but definitely not in entertainment or news broadcasting and distribution these days.

BZ1 May 31, 2011 at 3:41 pm

…waaaaay too much effort discussing a so-so television series…

jaytingle May 31, 2011 at 4:34 pm

"In 1999, she admitted casting the actress sister of Newt Gingrich… because she wanted to annoy conservatives"
See that? She admitted it! What more proof do you need? Case closed! Take that liberals!

mariser May 31, 2011 at 4:49 pm

the Gingroach has tainted any future viewings of "Breakfast at Tiffany's". thanks a lot, douchenozzle

fuflans May 31, 2011 at 4:59 pm

yeah, but how do the blacks feel about newt?

petehammer May 31, 2011 at 5:25 pm

I kinda think all these "liberal" writers were basically just messing with this republican hack. "Oh, man, when I wrote Time Trax it was literally all about abortion."

(This comment helped immensely if you watched UPN about 18 years ago).

Beck_is_Trig May 31, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Yes…for some reason when anyone on teevee does a fuck you to some douchebag corporate mouthpiece conservative like Newters, it's wrong. But let Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, etc. blame EVERY SINGLE problem in this country on liberals…and that's just sharing factual information. Oh and this conservative can take this 'book' and shove it up his ass sideways…if it isn't there already.

I still thought the funniest bit of irony was when 'media watchdog' L. Brent Bozell chartered a bunch of trucks to drive around NYC harassing the NY Times because they won't print the "Obama is a Kenyan Marxist who's happily destroying America while personally peeing in your Cheerios" story with a tagline "Tell the NY Times to PRINT THE TRUTH!" seriously, each of these guys and their "liberal bias" nonsense need to eat a big bag of shit.

ttommyunger May 31, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Why am I the only person to realize that nothing from the left can equal what "All in the Family" did and still does for the Teabag Right. They have lifted Archie's views on Immigration, Politics and Race Relations verbatim and repeat them nearly verbatim today. The fact that they don't realize the show poked fun at the pinhead Right speaks only to their dearth of self-awareness and lack of a sense of humor.

Ken Cuccinelli May 31, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Good gawd. Ben Shapiro. I remember him from my days reading the librul 'nutpicking' blogs. He got his start doing the "Konservative goes to Kollege" shtick, playing the faithful correspondent from Hedonia to the likes of National Review and Weekly Standard. Of course they lapped it up, even if it was utterly unremarkable, and Lil' Ben got himself a start on the wingnut welfare circuit.

I guess the thing about him was his absolutely hilarious aversion to sex (his first book was based on the groundbreaking revelation that college students look at porn) combined with the fact that he looks like he's 12 years old.

FrenchTwist40 June 1, 2011 at 8:10 am

You know who else loved Charlie's Angels?

VeraSevera June 1, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Why waste a good stick on a horse that's already dead? Let's get real. Outing Lindsay Graham ought to be every bloggers' priority one. That and exposing senators who wear toupees.

CessnaDriver June 2, 2011 at 1:46 pm

I had forgotten about the shutdown of the Federal Government being a tantrum Newtie had over some snub.

Civilityisdead June 6, 2011 at 12:51 pm

I'm either libervative or a consiblral. Both sides have some good ideal. However most of the comments I have read fall under the category of subhuman and hatemonger. I enjoy Jon Steward and Friends(except when Jenifer Anniston finally settled for Ross). As Joey said "How did you get 3 woman to marry you?" My only disagreement with Sesame Street was that it created the impression on chidren that the world as a safe place and you couln'd get hurt. Forget about pediphiles and very dangerous household chemicals you shouldn't ingest. A certai amount of fear or caution is neccesary for survival. It is a good thing to learn to read (nessesary in fact but is import thatmake decisions based on reado rather than emotion. To hate people without ever having met or taked with them is insane. There isn't enough soap in the world to wish out the mouths of all these neandertals (my apology to neanderthals) who comment in these comments. God save us from such people. They look like conditdate.s for the Nazi party. What a msket for brown shirts and gothic S's.

Civilityisdead June 6, 2011 at 1:17 pm

I'm either a libravitive of a considral. But I do believe in doing what's right. You may have once heard to "do unto others as you would have them do un to you''. There's anther one I like 'who soever should harm a child it is better that he should be thrown in to the sea with a millstone around his neck' Guess the church chose to forget that one.'s a shame that we have lost the ability to teat others in a civil manner. I'm probaly more of a conservative that a liberal but I did enjoy Jon Steward and Friends though I was disppoint in Rachel when she settled for Ross. As Joey said " How did you get 3 women to marry you")

unclejeems May 31, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Right, '68 was a good year.

Doktor Zoom May 31, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Oh, yes–almost linked to that, but the wiki version seemed more readable for a quick reference. And wouldn't you know it, "Mad About You," "Friends" and "Seinfeld" are among the few parts of TV not on that list.

baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I gotta break out the bong to understand that one.

GhostBuggy May 31, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Well, you could just do what I do, which is be a giant comic book nerd and deal with continuity issues as a matter of course. Also: I drink a lot.

Oh, I've wasted my life.

Terry May 31, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Well, if you are willing to admit that, I'll admit to singing along willingly to MacArthur Park even though I think it's one of the worst songs ever written. It's just too darn fun to sing about a cake left out in the rain.

baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I don't want to hear that Ghost Buggy. Drinking is not a waste of life.

SayItWithWookies May 31, 2011 at 2:53 pm

My favorite bad song has got to be "Old El Paso" by Marty Robbins. The lyric "I see the white puff of smoke from the rifle — I feel the bullet go deep in my chest" makes me smile every time.

emmelemm May 31, 2011 at 4:43 pm

WHITE football pants. Done.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 6:17 pm

More Mad About You fun fax:

I still catch myself saying. "This is what I'm saying."

And I still call certain family members "My little friend."

smokefilledroommate May 31, 2011 at 11:45 pm

I unborked the link–here's a re-post for uh, 'post'erity?:

Has anyone seen the Very Special episode of Too Close For Comfort where Monroe was raped?

smokefilledroommate June 1, 2011 at 2:07 am

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