AND HE BURPED ON MEMORIAL DAY!  8:37 am May 31, 2011

Fox News: Did Shameless Obama Chew Gum At Joplin Memorial?

by Wonkette Jr.

Impeach him for this.Barack Obama has committed a lot of crimes such as being born, according to people who don’t like black men, but he finally went too far at this memorial for the people who got killed by the tornado. According to Fox News, the president sort of looked like he was moving his jaw in a way that could mean he was either chewing gum or trying to get his ears to pop after a flight or maybe he had something stuck in his teeth, who knows. In any case, why did they even let this guy in a church?

Says the Fox News website as an introduction to this Zapruder clip for our time:

Seen at the last seconds of this video clip it appears as though President Obama was chewing gum. What do you think?

[Fox News]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 255 comments }

karen May 31, 2011 at 8:43 am

Blow a bubble out your ass, Fox.

PuckStopsHere May 31, 2011 at 8:43 am

Watermelon, probably.

FraAnima May 31, 2011 at 10:04 am

plus a piece of fried chicken.

Pragmatist2 May 31, 2011 at 10:55 am

That would be "watermelon seeds."

Dr_pangloss May 31, 2011 at 8:43 am

Eh Gads! Chewing Gum! What's next ATHIESIM!??

V572..whatever May 31, 2011 at 9:12 am

He's a muslin, silly. Everybody knows that. Thus he feels no solemnity for this ceremony in honor of dead apostates and Christians.

LetUsBray May 31, 2011 at 9:56 am

But according to the Neut, that's the big threat our country faces (bigger than his ass, even): Secular atheist Islamic radicals.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 10:09 am

Kemal Zombie Ataturk has replaced China as the Project for the New American Century's top threat.

Negropolis May 31, 2011 at 10:47 pm

You know what they say, chewing gum is the gateway to hell. Actually, I made that shit up from scratch. Surprised, right? I could work for Fox.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 8:44 am

In Missouri, a chaw of Red Man or a dip of Skoal would have been acceptable.

TsunamiAli May 31, 2011 at 9:31 am

They have spitoons at the end of each aisle, natch.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 10:10 am

SkoalRebel thinks a spittoon is unnecessary. Ground is good enough as recipient of his spent dip.

TsunamiAli May 31, 2011 at 10:27 am

Hardcore! Guess a spitoon is a bit too showy, though. At least a tuna fish can by the leg of each folding chair?

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 11:10 am

Nah… a friend's Dad (true Okie) used a 3# Folgers coffee can… less emptying…

frailamerica May 31, 2011 at 8:44 am

Death is no reason to submit to bad breathe.

Texan_Bulldog May 31, 2011 at 8:45 am

It's probably Nicorette, but I'm sure his gum chewing will end up being conflated to he stomped on the flag & looted tornado victims' homes.

DashboardBuddha May 31, 2011 at 9:09 am

I just hope that Barry doesn't pick something up at the disaster site like a picture or someone's lost memento. LOOTING will scream across the headlines. Whereas if Bush were in the same situation, the headline would be "Recovering beloved objects".

Or maybe he just saw something shiny.

TsunamiAli May 31, 2011 at 9:33 am

At least Bammerz can afford the Nicorette and doesn't have to buy the walmart brand like us poors.

mrpuma2u May 31, 2011 at 9:40 am

and wolf whistled at a white woman.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 10:10 am

Then broke up her chiffarobe.

(Yes, that is a double entendre.)

trampndirtdown May 31, 2011 at 9:43 am

Well of course he's a looter that is what those people do.

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 1:52 pm

"will end up being conflated to he stomped on the flag & looted"

The President is near, therefore by definition a flag stomping looter.

deanbooth May 31, 2011 at 6:07 pm

To quote the surgery patient in Cold Turkey, "For God's sake, let him smoke!"

Sparky_McGruff May 31, 2011 at 8:45 am

I don't know if he's chewing gum, but I looked at the end of that video in stop motion and I'm pretty sure that he's black.

DashboardBuddha May 31, 2011 at 8:59 am

I'm pretty sure that he's black.

Not according to this guy.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ac/20110530/us_ac/8560685

Chet Kincaid May 31, 2011 at 9:26 am

That shit is so 2007. Oh, we American blacks are so special! It's not like Africans had their countries stolen from them, or anything.

I have a fear of the stupidity of certain free black men.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 10:39 am

I'm a whitey, and oft note certain people of a similar pale tint that aren't exactly a credit to my race.

Dashboard_Jesus May 31, 2011 at 10:30 pm

yeah Chet, y'all are way outnumbered by stupid FREEDUMB white folk, and don't you fergit it!

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 9:35 am

Is this the adult equivalent of an elementary school playground singsong taunt of ♪"I'm blacker than you are!! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"♫

mayor_quimby May 31, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Hahaha, as a black, I assure you that has never been sung by one black to another in my experience. More likely it was 'You mama's so black she cries coffee tears' But YMMV.

Doktor Zoom May 31, 2011 at 11:26 am

And within the first ten comments, there was one that said, "I don't care if they're black white or purple…"

Yay–score one for my Cliche Bingo card!

WIDTAP May 31, 2011 at 8:48 am

The last revenge of SkoalRebel, perhaps?

weejee May 31, 2011 at 9:27 am

SkoalRebel is an editor at Faux Newz and gets to chewz what newz to use.

Trollina Dumbass May 31, 2011 at 9:50 am

Big Chew is behind this latest 'scandal.'

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 11:12 am

They had to go with BigChew after the Domain Registry sided with NORML in the dispute over who had right to the address bigleaf.com.

Goonemeritus May 31, 2011 at 8:48 am

I think there is an Islamic probation against chewing gum so this story cannot be factual.

arihaya May 31, 2011 at 12:24 pm

um no unfortunately,,, they have prohibition against chewing bacon tough

mayor_quimby May 31, 2011 at 9:11 pm

It was also totally disrespectful towards the people of Singapore. It was a fuck you to the colonials of that great, and weirdly uniform country who has always been among our staunchest allies.

Mort_Sinclair May 31, 2011 at 8:50 am

Guess the Republitards don't remember when Dick the Cheney wore his green winter parka with a hood rimmed with white fur to the memorial service in Normandy fifty years after D-Day. All the other international dignitaries looked, um, dignified, clad in appropriate winter coats & hats for sentient men. Here, let's all enjoy a moment of zen:
http://whatdoiknow.typepad.com/what_do_i_know/200

Texan_Bulldog May 31, 2011 at 8:54 am

I didn't know zombies felt the cold.

glamourdammerung May 31, 2011 at 9:15 am

That was actually at a memorial service at Auschwitz.

Mort_Sinclair May 31, 2011 at 9:17 am

Thank you, Thank you!! I'm not as sentient as I thought.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 10:42 am

But I bet you look snappy in a Brooks Bros car coat and Homburg.

TsunamiAli May 31, 2011 at 9:38 am

Even better?

HistoriCat May 31, 2011 at 9:48 am

Explains it all really – who cares about those fucking Jews?

Stay classy away Dick – think of your legacy.

FidoMcCokefiend May 31, 2011 at 11:41 am

But, was Cheney black at that memorial service?

Ken Layne May 31, 2011 at 1:19 pm

So he could wear his "Staff 2001" snow cap. Because if anyone ever deserved the title of "Staff 2001," it was Cheney. (Too bad we couldn't see the 9/11 logo on the back of the cap.)

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I'm not surprised that he was Auschwitz staff, but it does seem like the better part of discretion would have been to refrain from calling attention to it.

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Well, shit; it's not like they have clothing stores in Germany or anything.

Oblios_Cap May 31, 2011 at 8:50 am

In any case, why did they even let this guy in a church?

I'm surprised that God didn't take him out with a lightning bolt when he entered the Lord's house!

So this is how the Republic ends – not with a bang, but with a mucilage chomp.

Dr_pangloss May 31, 2011 at 8:52 am

You should check out the same vid posted by a guy names xxxxxxpimpdaddyone. I wonder how many "x's" he had to add before he could use the name? I love the comments. Just call the President the N-word and get it out of your system. sigh.

DashboardBuddha May 31, 2011 at 9:03 am

Unfortunately, they'll never get it out of their systems. It IS their system.

MARCdMan May 31, 2011 at 8:54 am

OMG, I saw on the interwebs somewhere that Barack Obama stomped on the flag & looted tornado victims' homes!

Texan_Bulldog May 31, 2011 at 8:55 am

Well played, sir!

Dr_pangloss May 31, 2011 at 9:03 am

Drudge Sirens!

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 8:54 am

Antonio López de Santa Anna, a Mexican guy who killed a bunch of white people at a place called the Alamo, imported the first shipment of chicle to the US in 1869. Thomas Adams bought some and invented chewing gum. So, white-killing Mexican→chewing gum→white-hating president. Connect the dots, sheeple!!!

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 10:13 am

Next, we'll be informed of the existence of an intercepted "Zawahiri Note".

Chillwaver May 31, 2011 at 10:25 am

The Alamo? You mean that old house sitting next to a faux riviera full of overpriced, mediocre restaurants?

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 10:58 am

I always dump my relatives at the Alamo, tell them to give it hell, and come pick me up across the street when they are done at the
Menger Bar
, where Teddy Roosevelt recruited a number of the Rough Riders.

Chillwaver May 31, 2011 at 11:27 am

Between mega-touristy The Alamo and annoying "Los Spus" fans, I see little reason to go back (even though my in-laws lurve to meet there and I'm in Houston), but I'll have to check Menger Bar out if for some reason I end up there again.

Btw, the city slogan should be: "San Antonio: perfect for Texans without passports."

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 1:58 pm

"annoying "Los Spus" fans"

I don't know whether that's a typo for "spurs", but "spus" sounds vaguely perverted, so it probably does have fans.

Badonkadonkette May 31, 2011 at 8:57 am

He's just trying to kick his addiction to cigarettes. MENTHOL cigarettes, obvs.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 8:58 am

Kools or Newports?

Badonkadonkette May 31, 2011 at 9:00 am

Whatever he can bum off a real American.

Dr_Zoidberg May 31, 2011 at 9:17 am

Virginia Slims

102415 May 31, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Kools. Got one? Barry is white though so he must smoke Marlboros. Can I have one of those too? For later?

UW8316154 May 31, 2011 at 11:34 pm

I'll pay you back on the 15th.

Maman May 31, 2011 at 10:04 am

I thought menthols were the purview of teenaged girls…. mine for instance.

littlebigdaddy May 31, 2011 at 11:58 am

Washed down with some Hennessey on ice, if my memory of "very urban" life serves.

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 2:11 pm

The ladies' man was always partial to Courvosier:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHk6baDAtsw

arihaya May 31, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Since he's grown up in Indonesia i tought he will smoke kretek instead

Negropolis May 31, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Terry May 31, 2011 at 8:58 am

Imagine how hard it is for the brain trust at Fox to gin up scandals out of nothing. In a way, they deserve our pity. In a variety of ways, actually.

Texan_Bulldog May 31, 2011 at 9:01 am

I know. Imagine if Obama actually did something, you know, illegal or had sexy times with someone other than Michelle. That whole building would explode.

4TheTurnstiles May 31, 2011 at 9:03 am

I give them my pity, they give me their money

SorosBot May 31, 2011 at 9:52 am

The sad thing is, this bullshit sticks; I've seen some of the Breitbarters still making "jokes" about how Obama bowing was bad for some insane reason, and many of Fox's other invented scandals.

PuckStopsHere May 31, 2011 at 10:21 am

Ha, ha, ha. You said "brain trust" and Fox in the same sentence. Good one.

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 2:16 pm

"Imagine how hard it is for the brain trust at Fox to gin up scandals out of nothing."

They've got a lot of free time since they can't be bothered to, you know, actually report the news.

mercianomad May 31, 2011 at 8:59 am

If they aren't there yet, let's make sure we teach our viewers the extreme importance of extreme pettiness!

ChurchofRealism May 31, 2011 at 8:59 am

Fact, when the mooslums overran Pearl Harbor in 1862, they chewed gum as a sign of extreme disrespect to tornado victims.

mrpuma2u May 31, 2011 at 9:46 am

Also, too lets not fergit when spanish muzlins threw their gumwads at the hooves of Teddy Roosevelts horse when he charged up San Juan hill in the name of Imperialism. This was (of course) a gesture symbolizing their muzlin lust for white women.

Trollina Dumbass May 31, 2011 at 10:06 am

To top it off: that same night they crossed the northern border back to the comfort of their government paid houses in Cadillacs, and went and collected their unemployment checks and food stamps.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 10:32 am

RIP Russell Jones NEVER FORGET

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 2:17 pm

"their unemployment checks and food stamps"

Which they spent on booze and hotpants.

OneYieldRegular May 31, 2011 at 10:24 am

It was 1863. Get your historical facts straight, you ignorinamous.

ChurchofRealism May 31, 2011 at 10:35 am

Are you challenging the Bible? The one, true Constitution?

bikerlaureate May 31, 2011 at 10:50 am

The gum goes in, the rage goes out. You can't explain it.

OC_Surf_Serf May 31, 2011 at 9:01 am
BlueMonkeh May 31, 2011 at 9:02 am

Yeah, but did Barry pour out a 40 at the end? Respect.

guangho May 31, 2011 at 10:05 pm

No he didn't, which obviously proves that he is a Muslim because Muslims don't drink.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 9:04 am

At least he kept his mouth closed. I doubt if there was any snapping and smacking going on, like when the 17 year old ditz at the Dairy Queen takes your order.

Monsieur_Grumpe May 31, 2011 at 9:04 am

Now that is journalism!

ghblowhard May 31, 2011 at 9:06 am

Those wankers. It was probably nicorette gum!

blogslut May 31, 2011 at 9:07 am

Obama chews gum in order to beat an unhealthy habit. GWB chewed his cud in order to…I have no fucking idea and neither did he.

Arken May 31, 2011 at 9:13 am

Cocaine makes you twitch your jaw and grind your teeth.

Doktor Zoom May 31, 2011 at 11:36 am

No, I don't think so. No way Dubya ever ruminated, even once.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 9:07 am

God forfend that he might have farted in that church. They'd have really been clutching their pearls had they caught him laying out a one-cheek sneak.

Monsieur_Grumpe May 31, 2011 at 9:18 am

A voice from the back pew…
Speak again oh Toothless Wonder!

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 9:24 am

"Your voice is changing, but your breath still smells the same!"

DaSandman May 31, 2011 at 9:12 am

Wait, wait, how did a negro get into a church? Another fine example of socialism as permitted by Sharia law.

Vote Bachmann

mrpuma2u May 31, 2011 at 9:47 am

Crazy Eyes/Snow Grifter '12!!!!

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 2:19 pm

"socialism as forced down our throats by Sharia law"

fxd

baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 9:12 am

Big deal. If it's any thing like the last time I went to Mass a little brat is sitting next to him playing a DS.

donner_froh May 31, 2011 at 9:12 am

We report (bullshit like this)

You decide (to call if bullshit)

UpFistTroll May 31, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Unfortunately, the slogan "We Make Shit Up. You Believe It." was just too spot-on for them. Plus, I think Breitbart has already trademarked it.

Badonkadonkette May 31, 2011 at 9:13 am

Apropos of nothing, what would Sun Tzu recommend as punishment for this papal mastication?

Arken May 31, 2011 at 9:13 am

"After the meeting, NTV, the once-independent Russian television station now controlled by a state-dominated firm, kept replaying footage of Bush entering his meeting with Putin while chewing gum and then spitting it into his hand."
http://articles.sfgate.com/2002-05-25/news/175446

But it's okay when meeting world leaders. If you're white.

LetUsBray May 31, 2011 at 10:04 am

Funny how this is the first I'm hearing of that. There's that darn librul media again.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 10:34 am

Put his feet on the desk, also.

TsunamiAli May 31, 2011 at 10:36 am

And doesn't use coasters.

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 2:20 pm

"Bush entering his meeting with Putin while chewing gum and then spitting it into his hand."

The only thing that surprises me about that story is that they left out the part where he stuck it underneath a table.

Arken May 31, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Bet he shook Putin's hand immediately afterward.

Limeylizzie May 31, 2011 at 9:15 am

Fuck 'Gumgate" I'm waiting for the picture of Barry's junk in his undies.

donner_froh May 31, 2011 at 9:17 am

Will need a jumbo monitor.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 9:19 am

IMAX. It'd be like the Monolith in 2001, right? "My god, it's full of stars!"

UW8316154 May 31, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Comment of the day, right there, Baldar. Nice work.

Dr_Zoidberg May 31, 2011 at 9:18 am

Hey, me too! For, uh…purely journalistic reasons.

BerkeleyBear May 31, 2011 at 9:21 am

As is Roger Ailes. With baited breath. Behind his "gay-proof" windows, with an industrial size bottle of lotion.

Texan_Bulldog May 31, 2011 at 9:22 am

In 3D…

Chet Kincaid May 31, 2011 at 9:41 am

Intern X has already sent Layne a note for your Permanent Record. Watch that mouth!

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 2:21 pm

"I'm waiting for the picture of Barry's junk in his undies"

Slide over on that bench, Lizzie.

Limeylizzie May 31, 2011 at 2:26 pm

OK, just for you, we can get some snack items and hang out in our jammies as we watch.

easynews June 1, 2011 at 6:36 am

Now that's a big fucking deal !

donner_froh May 31, 2011 at 9:15 am

Fox really hates the fact that Barry, unlike his predecessor, can walk and chew gum at the same time.

BlueMonkeh May 31, 2011 at 9:18 am

A+++++ great wonketter ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

weejee May 31, 2011 at 9:31 am

The crew really is on their A game this morning. Nice to be back at the desk & can peak during the workday.

baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 9:17 am

Dentyne-gate.

Chillwaver May 31, 2011 at 9:20 am

Like Rev. Wright once said, "Gumdamn America!"

Doktor Zoom May 31, 2011 at 11:44 am

I swear I read that as "Gundam America" at first. Stupid giant robots.

102415 May 31, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Downfister is bored again. Fixed.

KeepFnThatChicken May 31, 2011 at 9:23 am

Most rewarding part of hearing this clip: "We are a people from whom hope and light and light shines to the ends of the earth, because God is good all the time — and all the time God is good."

It took those believers an extra moment to applaud that patent, stilted line. I think this clip is more valuable because they're lying among the dead and the ruined, and possibly doubting just how good their God is.

Joplin, Missouri, my heart goes out to you. Remove your cognitive dissonance — if any still remains, for it should have been destroyed in that tornado — and realize you're on your own. It will make your life a little more precious, and your mourning of the dead that much more connected.

UpFistTroll May 31, 2011 at 1:23 pm

No, no, you got it all wrong. SATAN sent the tornado, and GOD spared the faithful. And let some of the other faithful die… because it was their time, or whatever. And also let some of the sinners live… for some reason. And He didn't stop the tornadoes in the first place, despite the fact that he's way more powerful that Satan and totally could, because it was His Will, although he Loves Everybody, but it's not His fault, also for some reason that… that our human minds cannot possibly fathom (yeah, that'll work)… and also… um… that is to say… Amen.

I hope that clears things up for you.

UW8316154 May 31, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Say it primly now: "Everything happens for a reason."

Dashboard_Jesus May 31, 2011 at 11:19 pm

…and we all say, AMEN!

Oblios_Cap May 31, 2011 at 9:27 am

If the tornado had hit Branson I'll bet that O'bama wouldn't have been chewing gum at the Memorial Service.

O/T, but don't you love the people thanking the lord for sparing them but leaving them with nothing and conveniently forgetting that, if you believe in the Big Guy, he's the one that sent the tornado at you in the first place?

AJWjr. May 31, 2011 at 11:02 am

I'm a bit saddened these killer storms didn't touch down in Texas instead, because, you know, they were asking praying for it…

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 2:26 pm

"don't you love the people thanking the lord for sparing them but leaving them with nothing and conveniently forgetting that, if you believe in the Big Guy, he's the one that sent the tornado at you in the first place?"

I once raised this very issue with a born-again co-worker.
Her response was, "God doesn't do those things; the Devil does."
I said, "Oh! Like an independent contractor?"

KeepFnThatChicken May 31, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Cristina Rad put it more succinctly than I've ever heard it before.

The end is slightly NSFW.

BerkeleyBear May 31, 2011 at 9:28 am

I really hope that in his lame duck years (2015-16), President Obama cuts loose and just starts fucking with the minds of Fox News viewers. Like dressing up in James O'Keefe's pimp outfit for media appearances, rocking a jheri curl and smoking a blunt, serving 40s of malt liqour at state dinners and talking about having a heavy "pimp hand". Then revealing it was all a put on after Fox goes nuts with the "we told you so" routine.

Barb May 31, 2011 at 9:39 am

I'd like to see him dressed as Prince and Michelle as Carmen Electra.
Am I the only one who thinks that prince, talented as he is, looks like a dwarf that was dropped in a vat of pubic hair?

BerkeleyBear May 31, 2011 at 9:46 am

If he wore Prince's hot pants from the Purple Rain era, Breitbart and Ailes would probably immolate themselves from the friction of their fapping.

anniegetyerfun May 31, 2011 at 10:30 am

Thank you, and yes.

Terry May 31, 2011 at 10:23 am

No, he'll go completely Hawaiian and dress in nothing but board shorts, flip flops (when he's not barefoot), and a ratty old t-shirt or bare chested.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 10:37 am

Barack was the inspiration for Paul Rudd's wore white-face to play the surf-shack proprietor character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 10:56 am

And name Jimmy Buffet Secretary of Hang Loose.

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 2:27 pm

"dress in nothing but board shorts, flip flops (when he's not barefoot), and a ratty old t-shirt or bare chested"

Excuse me for just a moment, won't you?
*leaves the room*

TsunamiAli May 31, 2011 at 9:29 am

It was Nicorette – I know, because I chew it at memorial services all the time.

Steverino247 May 31, 2011 at 9:35 am

Hey, Sarah Palin didn't show up at Gettysburg. Perhaps the President should go there and console those good people, too.

Downfist, if you must, but why does a President, any President, have to go hug people when shit hits their fan? Besides the political reasons, of course.

HistoriCat May 31, 2011 at 9:55 am

Because if he doesn't show up,people will think he doesn't care. I know it's a little crazy – I mean, it's not like he's going to start picking up debris or handing out water. But can you imagine if Obama didn't go to Joplin? Fox would have a meltdown and Rush Limbaugh might actually get an erection. No one wants to see that.

rocktonsam May 31, 2011 at 9:37 am

"chewing gum online, I hope you brought enough for every one"

ttommyunger May 31, 2011 at 10:18 am

And he likes Rape.

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 3:10 pm

And stampeding cattle through the Vatican.

ttommyunger May 31, 2011 at 9:06 pm

And the #6, where they rape all the cattle and stampede all the women.

Barb May 31, 2011 at 9:38 am

Had Sarah Palin been POTUS, she would have walked up to one of the wreaths and clipped herself a corsage.

BerkeleyBear May 31, 2011 at 9:51 am

I'd have thought she'd just put a wreath on Bristol like she just won the Preakness.

Barb May 31, 2011 at 9:54 am

Bristol DESERVES that wreath! God, knows the men of Wasilla have ridden her like Sea Biscuit.

Trollina Dumbass May 31, 2011 at 9:58 am

Nice set up by BB, and there's Barb with the slam dunk!

Barb May 31, 2011 at 10:03 am

Thanks and good morning, Trollina!

donner_froh May 31, 2011 at 10:10 am

Rode hard and put up wet.

easynews June 1, 2011 at 6:40 am

Dammit, Barb. You just cost me another keyboard. But it's worth it. Well played, indeed.

JustPixelz May 31, 2011 at 11:26 am

YOU LIE! POTUS Sarah Palin™ would have had the townspeople come to the White House for the tea and sympathy. Mostly tea, but if the attendees felt sorry for SP, they were Free® to say so.*
______________________
* all remarks must be approved in advance

arihaya May 31, 2011 at 2:42 pm

and confusing Missouri with Mississippi ….

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 3:11 pm

"Had Sarah Palin been POTUS"

Bad kitty!
Promise us you'll never say that again!

mrblifil May 31, 2011 at 9:41 am

When you're offered as much pussy as he gets offered, you need to have a breath freshening strategy, no matter the venue.

TsunamiAli May 31, 2011 at 9:44 am

This is the same bullshit by the miss manners pearl-clutchers who got the vapors when the president put his feet up on the desk.

Pop_Socket May 31, 2011 at 9:46 am

Imagine the outrage if the camera had caught him pouring out a 40.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 9:47 am

Meanwhile, Lou Sarah's re-enactment of the Gumball Rally goes uncriticized.

Terry May 31, 2011 at 10:25 am

I'm hoping that it goes larely ignored.

GOPCrusher May 31, 2011 at 12:41 pm

It was, which is why the command decision to not show up at Gettysburg was made. Even bad publicity is good publicity.

CapeClod May 31, 2011 at 9:49 am

Wait until Barry goes back to the White House and he takes pictures of himself poking around the Oval Office looking for missing tornado victims. He has no shame!

anniegetyerfun May 31, 2011 at 10:27 am

Are they here? Nope! Under here? Nope! Hahahaha! The Press Corps is going to laugh and laugh.

BerkeleyBear May 31, 2011 at 9:50 am

I got news for Drudge – playing golf any damn time you want is about as American as it gets, and military people particularly understand this. Seriously, the military loves golf so much it built a freaking course up at the Korean DMZ – partially as a psy-op, but it was a legitimate course.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 10:16 am

I've played that! "World's Most Dangerous Golf Course. Danger! Do Not Retrieve Balls From The Rough. Live Mine Field!"

Did a fun one in Kabul, too: http://s236.photobucket.com/albums/ff119/geoman77

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 11:17 am

If an errant shot struck a mine just right, does it blow up?

If so — in your face, Caddyshack!

JustPixelz May 31, 2011 at 11:21 am

All my golf shots are errant. They hit the windmill or bounce off the edge of the tunnel. It's always something. Pretty sure I never hit a mine though.

Chet Kincaid May 31, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Now watch this drive.

Pop_Socket May 31, 2011 at 9:54 am

Remember, this is what Dick Cheney considers appropriate apparel at a solemn service:
http://www.talkleft.com/story/2005/01/28/457/2743

anniegetyerfun May 31, 2011 at 10:27 am

To be fair to Dick (and I try not to), I doubt it occurred to him that he was going to be attending an outdoor ceremony, so those are the only warm clothes that he could scrape together at the last minute. The only time Dick likes to be outside is when he is shooting people in the face.

neiltheblaze May 31, 2011 at 9:55 am

FOX News: Keeping real journalism alive.

I thought today was the day that Wonkette Jr was going to expose him / herself like Anthony Weiner. I'm dying of curiosity.

SorosBot May 31, 2011 at 9:56 am

Um, since when was chewing gum ever disrespectful? So, in addition to making up their own laws of physics and biology,climatology, and their imaginary history, Fox has made up their own rules of etiquette, which seems to boil down to "whatever the n*****r President does is rude".

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 10:08 am

Like Emily Post, but with hoods and sheets.

trampndirtdown May 31, 2011 at 10:09 am

Fox has made up their own rules of etiquette, which seems to boil down to "whatever the n*****r President does is rude". Now you're getting it.

chicken_thief May 31, 2011 at 12:11 pm

But of course, said rule only applies when the HNIC is doing it. When someone else* does it, it's ok.

*someone else = white person

CapeClod May 31, 2011 at 10:37 am

I wonder if they manufacture their outrage domestically or do they farm it out overseas?

carlgt1 May 31, 2011 at 10:57 am

reminds me of the "disrespect" Obama showed when he dared put his feet on the presidential desk! (then of course a photo of Dumbya Bush doing the same surfaced and was printed on page 37).

crybabyboehner May 31, 2011 at 10:01 am

Don't wanna be a bum, ya better chew gum.

Guppy06 May 31, 2011 at 10:06 am

And where was Eric Cantor during this ceremony?

chicken_thief May 31, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Trying to figure out how much in relief funds he could shift away from Defence spending?

Native_of_SL_UT May 31, 2011 at 10:10 am

Apropos of nothing, what would the Sharia based punishment be for chewing gum in church?

donner_froh May 31, 2011 at 10:13 am

When will Wonkette, Jr. reveal his secret identify? Is it time for the "Pardon me while I whip this out" moment?

SorosBot May 31, 2011 at 10:22 am

According to one of Ken's comments, there's more than one Wonkette Jr.s – it appears are new overlord suffers from multiple personality disorder.

Terry May 31, 2011 at 10:26 am

Having multiple new folks would be a good idea. Might reduce the burn out, what with having to post frequently and trying to corral the commenters.

donner_froh May 31, 2011 at 10:28 am

I missed that one. Maybe its a competition–the winner will be the next Wonkette editor. A steel cage death match decided by page views.

4tehlulz_lite May 31, 2011 at 10:36 am

The first one outed by Andrew Breitbart wins.

ttommyunger May 31, 2011 at 10:22 am

These Faux Hounds remind me of puppies. They make a lot of noise, they may even try to bite you, but they can't hurt you. Still, one has to keep an eye on them; when they get too excited they'll driddle on the carpet or your shoe.

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 3:15 pm

At least we manage to stay on the newspaper most of the time.

ttommyunger May 31, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Especially if Palin's pix on on the page.

anniegetyerfun May 31, 2011 at 10:25 am

Apropos of nothing, what would the Shariah punishment be for chewing gum in a church?

4tehlulz_lite May 31, 2011 at 10:25 am

>President Obama was chewing gum.

This crime is worse than the Holocaust x 100(9/11).

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 3:17 pm

"Ladies and Gentlemen I have been to Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together."

\Kent Brockman\

jaytingle May 31, 2011 at 10:26 am

Why in the name of Satan would Fox News asks viewers what they think?

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 11:18 am

'Cuz they are Stoopid!

(Just the facts…)

samsuncle May 31, 2011 at 10:26 am

Barry has been traveling nonstop for the last 10 days or so and I am sure his ass is draging from all the public appearances, meetings, etc. and suffering from jet lag to boot. If he makes a faux pau so be it. Fuck Fox Noise!!

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 10:26 am

Barry is here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, but he's not out of bubble gum yet.

TsunamiAli May 31, 2011 at 10:38 am

Needs moar Wienergate.

mavenmaven May 31, 2011 at 10:41 am

I was more terrified by the headline caption, in which McCain wanted us to go to war in Libya…

elviouslyqueer May 31, 2011 at 10:43 am

Oh please. Matt Drudge is just pissed because his boyfriend wouldn't indulge his Mandingo fetish.

vodkamuppet May 31, 2011 at 10:47 am

These fucking niggers are getting really uppity with their gum-chewing. Do we want to live in a society where niggers, niggers, are free to grind their teeth when they're slightly bored for a split second? If Obama were a real American he would've celebrated memorial day like the rest of us, with hotdogs and highlife but no, he cant contain his Kenyan gum-chewing roots.

carlgt1 May 31, 2011 at 10:56 am

that was the bet he had with Bush — Obama gets to chew a piece of bin Laden's skull, but Dumbya has to chew his scrotum….

but hell — I find it more offensive that Obama has to clap along to some drooling Jesus-freak fundie who is bleating out "god is good all the time" even though god just ripped a 3-year old boy from his parents' arms and flung his lifeless body a mile away; and made a puppy dog crawl miles with two broken legs; and killed 122 other people all in the name of babblin' Jeebus….

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 11:06 am

I do hope the scrote gets lost in the mail, only to be found in 3 months. Cuz the bet is still legit.

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 11:01 am

It could be Nicorette. ???

joobajooba May 31, 2011 at 11:14 am

Maybe it's qat.

notreelyhelping May 31, 2011 at 11:18 am

Well, Bush sure as hell never chewed gum in public when he went to New Orleans right after Katrina to…to…! Uh…. Nevermind.

JustPixelz May 31, 2011 at 11:31 am

I notice that all the time. "I thank the Lord for sparing us!" But they never blame the Lord for sending the tornado. Or thank that government-run Weather Service for the warnings.

UpFistTroll May 31, 2011 at 1:31 pm

It's easy, though. Watch:

Good stuff happens to "good" people: God.
Good stuff happens to "bad" people: Luck.
Bad stuff happens to "good" people: Satan.
Bad stuff happens to "bad" people: God punishing them.

I think I get to call myself a doctor of theology now, or something.

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Theology?
Hell, you can be a doctor of creation global warming at Bob Jones U!

JustPixelz May 31, 2011 at 3:51 pm

“I think I get to call myself…”That is your calling.

neiltheblaze May 31, 2011 at 11:34 am

Will whoever gets second prize be able to wear long pants then?

hagajim May 31, 2011 at 11:34 am

Great long weekend…welcome back to the stupidity.

proudgrampa May 31, 2011 at 11:38 am

You have got to be kidding me…

Fux News: We make shit up.

Doktor Zoom May 31, 2011 at 11:43 am

Can I watch your mouth too, Lizzie?

mereoblivion May 31, 2011 at 11:52 am

Why did it take us this long to hold a memorial for Janis? Girl bought the farm 40 years ago last October!

littlebigdaddy May 31, 2011 at 12:01 pm

So wuz them peoples RAPTURED?

chascates May 31, 2011 at 12:04 pm

This is good news for Juicy Fruit.

Redhead May 31, 2011 at 12:07 pm

REAL Amurikins don't care about elitist things like fresh breath.

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Also, REAL Amurkins chew ta'bacca.

Chet Kincaid May 31, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Yes, I guess the solar furnace is on full blast from now until September, after dicking around with cold blasts all Spring. Welcome back to monsoon season!

Left_Leftie May 31, 2011 at 12:25 pm

I'll bet it's dijon, arugula flavored gum!

DashboardBuddha May 31, 2011 at 12:42 pm

You know, Fox should be grateful that we have a president that can chew gum and run a country at the same time.

Fox n Fiends May 31, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Ronald Reagan chewed his cud every two hours and no one complained.

SheriffRoscoe May 31, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Reagan used to sleep through cabinet meetings, and no one complained.

Doktor Zoom May 31, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Reagan used to leak cranial fluid and bits of brain out his ears, and no one complained.

SheriffRoscoe May 31, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Ronald Reagan might have done something like this, but he would have made it look adorable.

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Regardless of how it *actually* looked, Faux news and U.S., A Toady would have *told* us, over and over, how adorable it was.

bflrtsplk May 31, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Can't take those half-black Preznet's with Muslin names anywhere. Thanks to Faux News for making something out of nothing – again.

Warpde May 31, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Hey Fuxs….I would be pissed more if he was chewing gum and didn't bring enough for the whole church. Dat's just rude.

littlebigdaddy May 31, 2011 at 1:26 pm

No, not gum, I am sure it was betel nut…you know, from Indonesia. Completely Mooslin.

UpFistTroll May 31, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Which, according to one teabagger I read, the people totally didn't want or need, because they'd all collect on their insurance policies. Because, you know, I'm sure every single one of them had insurance policies, and anyways if they didn't they deserved to lose everything they had and live on the streets. ESPECIALLY the little children.

The teabagger in question, by the way, did not live there, but "knew people" from there, which naturally made him eminently qualified to speak for them.

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 1:49 pm

The screen cap was at an odd angle, and my first thought was, "What's the deal with the blond wig?"

tessiee May 31, 2011 at 1:54 pm

You thought Bill Clinton was Colonel Sanders?

anniegetyerfun May 31, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Sure, but it's possible that it was one of those "Oh, good, now I have time to shop in Paris" kind of trips. For any other Republican, it would be, but we're talking about Dick here. I'm not saying it's classy.

BZ1 May 31, 2011 at 3:33 pm

I think that was Beemans gum like Chuck Yeager prefers, the prez was getting it ready to use to plug leaks on the Space Shuttle…

a_pink_poodle May 31, 2011 at 4:51 pm

So what? I ate at my aunt's funeral.

JackObin May 31, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Actually, I chew gum when I watch Fox News. Creates alot of spit, doncha know.

PrimlyStable May 31, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Whatever the truth of the matter, I give it 24 hours max before "Obama chews gum at inappropriate moments" has entered the wingnut lexicon alongside that whole "uses a teleprompter / puts feet on desk" thing.

James Michael Curley May 31, 2011 at 6:55 pm

This is news on Fox? Where's my torch? Where's my pitchfork? My taxes are paying for their bandwidth.

Negropolis May 31, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Surely, this once and for all proves Obama's moral weakness and utter depraved state of being. I bet you it was Nicorette, even!

UW8316154 May 31, 2011 at 11:28 pm

MORAL WEAKNESS!!!11!

UW8316154 May 31, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Sigh…those were some good times, weren't they?

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 11:11 am

If he filled to the brim with spit, I think it would qualify as a Superfund site.

TsunamiAli May 31, 2011 at 11:16 am

Bongwater and tobacco spit, two substances in need of Superfund monies.

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 11:20 am

I use Mountain Dew… in the bong… that High Fructose Corn Syrup is good for something…

TsunamiAli May 31, 2011 at 11:24 am

the only good I could see with doing that is after a few months you've got some top-shelf jail booze.

UW8316154 May 31, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Makes for a tasty drink when you get all cotton-mouthy.

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 11:29 am

Not "Pruno" but "Bongo"

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