and he burped on memorial day!

Fox News: Did Shameless Obama Chew Gum At Joplin Memorial?

Impeach him for this.Barack Obama has committed a lot of crimes such as being born, according to people who don’t like black men, but he finally went too far at this memorial for the people who got killed by the tornado. According to Fox News, the president sort of looked like he was moving his jaw in a way that could mean he was either chewing gum or trying to get his ears to pop after a flight or maybe he had something stuck in his teeth, who knows. In any case, why did they even let this guy in a church?

Says the Fox News website as an introduction to this Zapruder clip for our time:

Seen at the last seconds of this video clip it appears as though President Obama was chewing gum. What do you think?

[Fox News]

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    1. V572..whatever

      He's a muslin, silly. Everybody knows that. Thus he feels no solemnity for this ceremony in honor of dead apostates and Christians.

      1. LetUsBray

        But according to the Neut, that's the big threat our country faces (bigger than his ass, even): Secular atheist Islamic radicals.

        1. horsedreamer_1

          Kemal Zombie Ataturk has replaced China as the Project for the New American Century's top threat.

    2. Negropolis

      You know what they say, chewing gum is the gateway to hell. Actually, I made that shit up from scratch. Surprised, right? I could work for Fox.

  1. BaldarTFlagass

    In Missouri, a chaw of Red Man or a dip of Skoal would have been acceptable.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        SkoalRebel thinks a spittoon is unnecessary. Ground is good enough as recipient of his spent dip.

          1. horsedreamer_1

            If he filled to the brim with spit, I think it would qualify as a Superfund site.

          2. DaRooster

            I use Mountain Dew… in the bong… that High Fructose Corn Syrup is good for something…

  2. Texan_Bulldog

    It's probably Nicorette, but I'm sure his gum chewing will end up being conflated to he stomped on the flag & looted tornado victims' homes.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      I just hope that Barry doesn't pick something up at the disaster site like a picture or someone's lost memento. LOOTING will scream across the headlines. Whereas if Bush were in the same situation, the headline would be "Recovering beloved objects".

      Or maybe he just saw something shiny.

    2. tessiee

      "will end up being conflated to he stomped on the flag & looted"

      The President is near, therefore by definition a flag stomping looter.

  3. Sparky_McGruff

    I don't know if he's chewing gum, but I looked at the end of that video in stop motion and I'm pretty sure that he's black.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        That shit is so 2007. Oh, we American blacks are so special! It's not like Africans had their countries stolen from them, or anything.

        I have a fear of the stupidity of certain free black men.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          I'm a whitey, and oft note certain people of a similar pale tint that aren't exactly a credit to my race.

          1. Dashboard_Jesus

            yeah Chet, y'all are way outnumbered by stupid FREEDUMB white folk, and don't you fergit it!

      2. BaldarTFlagass

        Is this the adult equivalent of an elementary school playground singsong taunt of ♪"I'm blacker than you are!! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"♫

        1. mayor_quimby

          Hahaha, as a black, I assure you that has never been sung by one black to another in my experience. More likely it was 'You mama's so black she cries coffee tears' But YMMV.

      3. Doktor Zoom

        And within the first ten comments, there was one that said, "I don't care if they're black white or purple…"

        Yay–score one for my Cliche Bingo card!

      1. horsedreamer_1

        They had to go with BigChew after the Domain Registry sided with NORML in the dispute over who had right to the address

  4. Goonemeritus

    I think there is an Islamic probation against chewing gum so this story cannot be factual.

    1. mayor_quimby

      It was also totally disrespectful towards the people of Singapore. It was a fuck you to the colonials of that great, and weirdly uniform country who has always been among our staunchest allies.

  5. Mort_Sinclair

    Guess the Republitards don't remember when Dick the Cheney wore his green winter parka with a hood rimmed with white fur to the memorial service in Normandy fifty years after D-Day. All the other international dignitaries looked, um, dignified, clad in appropriate winter coats & hats for sentient men. Here, let's all enjoy a moment of zen:

      1. HistoriCat

        Explains it all really – who cares about those fucking Jews?

        Stay classy away Dick – think of your legacy.

      1. Ken Layne

        So he could wear his "Staff 2001" snow cap. Because if anyone ever deserved the title of "Staff 2001," it was Cheney. (Too bad we couldn't see the 9/11 logo on the back of the cap.)

        1. tessiee

          I'm not surprised that he was Auschwitz staff, but it does seem like the better part of discretion would have been to refrain from calling attention to it.

  6. Oblios_Cap

    In any case, why did they even let this guy in a church?

    I'm surprised that God didn't take him out with a lightning bolt when he entered the Lord's house!

    So this is how the Republic ends – not with a bang, but with a mucilage chomp.

  7. Dr_pangloss

    You should check out the same vid posted by a guy names xxxxxxpimpdaddyone. I wonder how many "x's" he had to add before he could use the name? I love the comments. Just call the President the N-word and get it out of your system. sigh.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Unfortunately, they'll never get it out of their systems. It IS their system.

  8. MARCdMan

    OMG, I saw on the interwebs somewhere that Barack Obama stomped on the flag & looted tornado victims' homes!

  9. BaldarTFlagass

    Antonio López de Santa Anna, a Mexican guy who killed a bunch of white people at a place called the Alamo, imported the first shipment of chicle to the US in 1869. Thomas Adams bought some and invented chewing gum. So, white-killing Mexican→chewing gum→white-hating president. Connect the dots, sheeple!!!

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I always dump my relatives at the Alamo, tell them to give it hell, and come pick me up across the street when they are done at the
        Menger Bar
        , where Teddy Roosevelt recruited a number of the Rough Riders.

        1. Chillwaver

          Between mega-touristy The Alamo and annoying "Los Spus" fans, I see little reason to go back (even though my in-laws lurve to meet there and I'm in Houston), but I'll have to check Menger Bar out if for some reason I end up there again.

          Btw, the city slogan should be: "San Antonio: perfect for Texans without passports."

          1. tessiee

            "annoying "Los Spus" fans"

            I don't know whether that's a typo for "spurs", but "spus" sounds vaguely perverted, so it probably does have fans.

  10. Badonkadonkette

    He's just trying to kick his addiction to cigarettes. MENTHOL cigarettes, obvs.

      1. 102415

        Kools. Got one? Barry is white though so he must smoke Marlboros. Can I have one of those too? For later?

    1. littlebigdaddy

      Washed down with some Hennessey on ice, if my memory of "very urban" life serves.

  11. Terry

    Imagine how hard it is for the brain trust at Fox to gin up scandals out of nothing. In a way, they deserve our pity. In a variety of ways, actually.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      I know. Imagine if Obama actually did something, you know, illegal or had sexy times with someone other than Michelle. That whole building would explode.

    2. SorosBot

      The sad thing is, this bullshit sticks; I've seen some of the Breitbarters still making "jokes" about how Obama bowing was bad for some insane reason, and many of Fox's other invented scandals.

    3. tessiee

      "Imagine how hard it is for the brain trust at Fox to gin up scandals out of nothing."

      They've got a lot of free time since they can't be bothered to, you know, actually report the news.

  12. mercianomad

    If they aren't there yet, let's make sure we teach our viewers the extreme importance of extreme pettiness!

    1. mrpuma2u

      Also, too lets not fergit when spanish muzlins threw their gumwads at the hooves of Teddy Roosevelts horse when he charged up San Juan hill in the name of Imperialism. This was (of course) a gesture symbolizing their muzlin lust for white women.

      1. Trollina Dumbass

        To top it off: that same night they crossed the northern border back to the comfort of their government paid houses in Cadillacs, and went and collected their unemployment checks and food stamps.

        1. tessiee

          "their unemployment checks and food stamps"

          Which they spent on booze and hotpants.

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    At least he kept his mouth closed. I doubt if there was any snapping and smacking going on, like when the 17 year old ditz at the Dairy Queen takes your order.

  14. blogslut

    Obama chews gum in order to beat an unhealthy habit. GWB chewed his cud in order to…I have no fucking idea and neither did he.

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    God forfend that he might have farted in that church. They'd have really been clutching their pearls had they caught him laying out a one-cheek sneak.

  16. DaSandman

    Wait, wait, how did a negro get into a church? Another fine example of socialism as permitted by Sharia law.

    Vote Bachmann

  17. baconzgood

    Big deal. If it's any thing like the last time I went to Mass a little brat is sitting next to him playing a DS.

    1. UpFistTroll

      Unfortunately, the slogan "We Make Shit Up. You Believe It." was just too spot-on for them. Plus, I think Breitbart has already trademarked it.

  18. Badonkadonkette

    Apropos of nothing, what would Sun Tzu recommend as punishment for this papal mastication?

  19. Arken

    "After the meeting, NTV, the once-independent Russian television station now controlled by a state-dominated firm, kept replaying footage of Bush entering his meeting with Putin while chewing gum and then spitting it into his hand."

    But it's okay when meeting world leaders. If you're white.

    1. LetUsBray

      Funny how this is the first I'm hearing of that. There's that darn librul media again.

    2. tessiee

      "Bush entering his meeting with Putin while chewing gum and then spitting it into his hand."

      The only thing that surprises me about that story is that they left out the part where he stuck it underneath a table.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        IMAX. It'd be like the Monolith in 2001, right? "My god, it's full of stars!"

    1. BerkeleyBear

      As is Roger Ailes. With baited breath. Behind his "gay-proof" windows, with an industrial size bottle of lotion.

    2. tessiee

      "I'm waiting for the picture of Barry's junk in his undies"

      Slide over on that bench, Lizzie.

      1. Limeylizzie

        OK, just for you, we can get some snack items and hang out in our jammies as we watch.

  20. KeepFnThatChicken

    Most rewarding part of hearing this clip: "We are a people from whom hope and light and light shines to the ends of the earth, because God is good all the time — and all the time God is good."

    It took those believers an extra moment to applaud that patent, stilted line. I think this clip is more valuable because they're lying among the dead and the ruined, and possibly doubting just how good their God is.

    Joplin, Missouri, my heart goes out to you. Remove your cognitive dissonance — if any still remains, for it should have been destroyed in that tornado — and realize you're on your own. It will make your life a little more precious, and your mourning of the dead that much more connected.

    1. UpFistTroll

      No, no, you got it all wrong. SATAN sent the tornado, and GOD spared the faithful. And let some of the other faithful die… because it was their time, or whatever. And also let some of the sinners live… for some reason. And He didn't stop the tornadoes in the first place, despite the fact that he's way more powerful that Satan and totally could, because it was His Will, although he Loves Everybody, but it's not His fault, also for some reason that… that our human minds cannot possibly fathom (yeah, that'll work)… and also… um… that is to say… Amen.

      I hope that clears things up for you.

  21. Oblios_Cap

    If the tornado had hit Branson I'll bet that O'bama wouldn't have been chewing gum at the Memorial Service.

    O/T, but don't you love the people thanking the lord for sparing them but leaving them with nothing and conveniently forgetting that, if you believe in the Big Guy, he's the one that sent the tornado at you in the first place?

    1. tessiee

      "don't you love the people thanking the lord for sparing them but leaving them with nothing and conveniently forgetting that, if you believe in the Big Guy, he's the one that sent the tornado at you in the first place?"

      I once raised this very issue with a born-again co-worker.
      Her response was, "God doesn't do those things; the Devil does."
      I said, "Oh! Like an independent contractor?"

  22. BerkeleyBear

    I really hope that in his lame duck years (2015-16), President Obama cuts loose and just starts fucking with the minds of Fox News viewers. Like dressing up in James O'Keefe's pimp outfit for media appearances, rocking a jheri curl and smoking a blunt, serving 40s of malt liqour at state dinners and talking about having a heavy "pimp hand". Then revealing it was all a put on after Fox goes nuts with the "we told you so" routine.

    1. Barb

      I'd like to see him dressed as Prince and Michelle as Carmen Electra.
      Am I the only one who thinks that prince, talented as he is, looks like a dwarf that was dropped in a vat of pubic hair?

      1. BerkeleyBear

        If he wore Prince's hot pants from the Purple Rain era, Breitbart and Ailes would probably immolate themselves from the friction of their fapping.

    2. Terry

      No, he'll go completely Hawaiian and dress in nothing but board shorts, flip flops (when he's not barefoot), and a ratty old t-shirt or bare chested.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Barack was the inspiration for Paul Rudd's wore white-face to play the surf-shack proprietor character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

      2. tessiee

        "dress in nothing but board shorts, flip flops (when he's not barefoot), and a ratty old t-shirt or bare chested"

        Excuse me for just a moment, won't you?
        *leaves the room*

  23. Steverino247

    Hey, Sarah Palin didn't show up at Gettysburg. Perhaps the President should go there and console those good people, too.

    Downfist, if you must, but why does a President, any President, have to go hug people when shit hits their fan? Besides the political reasons, of course.

    1. HistoriCat

      Because if he doesn't show up,people will think he doesn't care. I know it's a little crazy – I mean, it's not like he's going to start picking up debris or handing out water. But can you imagine if Obama didn't go to Joplin? Fox would have a meltdown and Rush Limbaugh might actually get an erection. No one wants to see that.

  24. Barb

    Had Sarah Palin been POTUS, she would have walked up to one of the wreaths and clipped herself a corsage.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      I'd have thought she'd just put a wreath on Bristol like she just won the Preakness.

      1. Barb

        Bristol DESERVES that wreath! God, knows the men of Wasilla have ridden her like Sea Biscuit.

        1. easynews

          Dammit, Barb. You just cost me another keyboard. But it's worth it. Well played, indeed.

    2. JustPixelz

      YOU LIE! POTUS Sarah Palin™ would have had the townspeople come to the White House for the tea and sympathy. Mostly tea, but if the attendees felt sorry for SP, they were Free® to say so.*
      * all remarks must be approved in advance

  25. mrblifil

    When you're offered as much pussy as he gets offered, you need to have a breath freshening strategy, no matter the venue.

  26. horsedreamer_1

    Meanwhile, Lou Sarah's re-enactment of the Gumball Rally goes uncriticized.

      1. GOPCrusher

        It was, which is why the command decision to not show up at Gettysburg was made. Even bad publicity is good publicity.

  27. CapeClod

    Wait until Barry goes back to the White House and he takes pictures of himself poking around the Oval Office looking for missing tornado victims. He has no shame!

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Are they here? Nope! Under here? Nope! Hahahaha! The Press Corps is going to laugh and laugh.

  28. BerkeleyBear

    I got news for Drudge – playing golf any damn time you want is about as American as it gets, and military people particularly understand this. Seriously, the military loves golf so much it built a freaking course up at the Korean DMZ – partially as a psy-op, but it was a legitimate course.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        If an errant shot struck a mine just right, does it blow up?

        If so — in your face, Caddyshack!

        1. JustPixelz

          All my golf shots are errant. They hit the windmill or bounce off the edge of the tunnel. It's always something. Pretty sure I never hit a mine though.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      To be fair to Dick (and I try not to), I doubt it occurred to him that he was going to be attending an outdoor ceremony, so those are the only warm clothes that he could scrape together at the last minute. The only time Dick likes to be outside is when he is shooting people in the face.

  29. neiltheblaze

    FOX News: Keeping real journalism alive.

    I thought today was the day that Wonkette Jr was going to expose him / herself like Anthony Weiner. I'm dying of curiosity.

  30. SorosBot

    Um, since when was chewing gum ever disrespectful? So, in addition to making up their own laws of physics and biology,climatology, and their imaginary history, Fox has made up their own rules of etiquette, which seems to boil down to "whatever the n*****r President does is rude".

      1. chicken_thief

        But of course, said rule only applies when the HNIC is doing it. When someone else* does it, it's ok.

        *someone else = white person

    1. CapeClod

      I wonder if they manufacture their outrage domestically or do they farm it out overseas?

    2. carlgt1

      reminds me of the "disrespect" Obama showed when he dared put his feet on the presidential desk! (then of course a photo of Dumbya Bush doing the same surfaced and was printed on page 37).

    1. chicken_thief

      Trying to figure out how much in relief funds he could shift away from Defence spending?

  31. Native_of_SL_UT

    Apropos of nothing, what would the Sharia based punishment be for chewing gum in church?

    1. SorosBot

      According to one of Ken's comments, there's more than one Wonkette Jr.s – it appears are new overlord suffers from multiple personality disorder.

      1. Terry

        Having multiple new folks would be a good idea. Might reduce the burn out, what with having to post frequently and trying to corral the commenters.

      2. donner_froh

        I missed that one. Maybe its a competition–the winner will be the next Wonkette editor. A steel cage death match decided by page views.

  32. ttommyunger

    These Faux Hounds remind me of puppies. They make a lot of noise, they may even try to bite you, but they can't hurt you. Still, one has to keep an eye on them; when they get too excited they'll driddle on the carpet or your shoe.

  33. anniegetyerfun

    Apropos of nothing, what would the Shariah punishment be for chewing gum in a church?

  34. 4tehlulz_lite

    >President Obama was chewing gum.

    This crime is worse than the Holocaust x 100(9/11).

    1. tessiee

      "Ladies and Gentlemen I have been to Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together."

      \Kent Brockman\

  35. samsuncle

    Barry has been traveling nonstop for the last 10 days or so and I am sure his ass is draging from all the public appearances, meetings, etc. and suffering from jet lag to boot. If he makes a faux pau so be it. Fuck Fox Noise!!

  36. BaldarTFlagass

    Barry is here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, but he's not out of bubble gum yet.

  37. mavenmaven

    I was more terrified by the headline caption, in which McCain wanted us to go to war in Libya…

  38. elviouslyqueer

    Oh please. Matt Drudge is just pissed because his boyfriend wouldn't indulge his Mandingo fetish.

  39. vodkamuppet

    These fucking niggers are getting really uppity with their gum-chewing. Do we want to live in a society where niggers, niggers, are free to grind their teeth when they're slightly bored for a split second? If Obama were a real American he would've celebrated memorial day like the rest of us, with hotdogs and highlife but no, he cant contain his Kenyan gum-chewing roots.

  40. carlgt1

    that was the bet he had with Bush — Obama gets to chew a piece of bin Laden's skull, but Dumbya has to chew his scrotum….

    but hell — I find it more offensive that Obama has to clap along to some drooling Jesus-freak fundie who is bleating out "god is good all the time" even though god just ripped a 3-year old boy from his parents' arms and flung his lifeless body a mile away; and made a puppy dog crawl miles with two broken legs; and killed 122 other people all in the name of babblin' Jeebus….

    1. jus_wonderin

      I do hope the scrote gets lost in the mail, only to be found in 3 months. Cuz the bet is still legit.

  41. notreelyhelping

    Well, Bush sure as hell never chewed gum in public when he went to New Orleans right after Katrina to…to…! Uh…. Nevermind.

  42. JustPixelz

    I notice that all the time. "I thank the Lord for sparing us!" But they never blame the Lord for sending the tornado. Or thank that government-run Weather Service for the warnings.

    1. UpFistTroll

      It's easy, though. Watch:

      Good stuff happens to "good" people: God.
      Good stuff happens to "bad" people: Luck.
      Bad stuff happens to "good" people: Satan.
      Bad stuff happens to "bad" people: God punishing them.

      I think I get to call myself a doctor of theology now, or something.

  43. mereoblivion

    Why did it take us this long to hold a memorial for Janis? Girl bought the farm 40 years ago last October!

  44. Chet Kincaid

    Yes, I guess the solar furnace is on full blast from now until September, after dicking around with cold blasts all Spring. Welcome back to monsoon season!

  45. DashboardBuddha

    You know, Fox should be grateful that we have a president that can chew gum and run a country at the same time.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        Reagan used to leak cranial fluid and bits of brain out his ears, and no one complained.

  46. SheriffRoscoe

    Ronald Reagan might have done something like this, but he would have made it look adorable.

    1. tessiee

      Regardless of how it *actually* looked, Faux news and U.S., A Toady would have *told* us, over and over, how adorable it was.

  47. bflrtsplk

    Can't take those half-black Preznet's with Muslin names anywhere. Thanks to Faux News for making something out of nothing – again.

  48. Warpde

    Hey Fuxs….I would be pissed more if he was chewing gum and didn't bring enough for the whole church. Dat's just rude.

  49. littlebigdaddy

    No, not gum, I am sure it was betel nut…you know, from Indonesia. Completely Mooslin.

  50. UpFistTroll

    Which, according to one teabagger I read, the people totally didn't want or need, because they'd all collect on their insurance policies. Because, you know, I'm sure every single one of them had insurance policies, and anyways if they didn't they deserved to lose everything they had and live on the streets. ESPECIALLY the little children.

    The teabagger in question, by the way, did not live there, but "knew people" from there, which naturally made him eminently qualified to speak for them.

  51. tessiee

    The screen cap was at an odd angle, and my first thought was, "What's the deal with the blond wig?"

  52. anniegetyerfun

    Sure, but it's possible that it was one of those "Oh, good, now I have time to shop in Paris" kind of trips. For any other Republican, it would be, but we're talking about Dick here. I'm not saying it's classy.

  53. BZ1

    I think that was Beemans gum like Chuck Yeager prefers, the prez was getting it ready to use to plug leaks on the Space Shuttle…

  54. PrimlyStable

    Whatever the truth of the matter, I give it 24 hours max before "Obama chews gum at inappropriate moments" has entered the wingnut lexicon alongside that whole "uses a teleprompter / puts feet on desk" thing.

  55. James Michael Curley

    This is news on Fox? Where's my torch? Where's my pitchfork? My taxes are paying for their bandwidth.

  56. Negropolis

    Surely, this once and for all proves Obama's moral weakness and utter depraved state of being. I bet you it was Nicorette, even!

Comments are closed.