FLOTUS FILES  10:39 am May 31, 2011

Michelle Obama to Destroy Food Pyramid With Her Vegetable Plate

by Blair Burke

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Our Michelle spent last week drinking her way around the world, or more specifically, in Europe. She went there to hang out with that Kate lady and wear different outfits so that the Internet could vote about who was fancier. (The correct answer is that FLOTUS is always fancier. Always.) But even when our FLOTUS is pounding light beers across the Atlantic, the terrible war against obesity continues. And this week, with Michelle leading the way, America prepares for the next phase of this war: the destruction of one of America’s most cherished nonsensical infographics, the food pyramid.

Our FLOTUS has been criticized for her efforts to slim down America, and perhaps rightfully so. After all, this is a country in which Man v. Food is not just a disgusting television show, but an accurate summary of American attitudes toward mealtime. And what would dinnertime in America be without the food pyramid? It demonstrates the shape that piles of food should take on a plate, and allows you to eat as many bowls of pasta as you want! What could be better than this?

The Obama administration is about to ditch the food pyramid, that symbol of healthy eating for the last two decades. In its place officials are dishing up a simple, plate-shaped symbol, sliced into wedges for the basic food groups and half-filled with fruits and vegetables.

The circular plate, which will be unveiled Thursday, is meant to give consumers a fast, easily grasped reminder of the basics of a healthy diet. It consists of four colored sections, for fruits, vegetables, grains and protein, according to several people who have been briefed on the change. Beside the plate is a smaller circle for dairy, suggesting a glass of low-fat milk or perhaps a yogurt cup.

This “plate” concept is a terrible idea because it will likely confuse most Americans, who are used to eating food while weeping and hovering over the kitchen sink, without using plates and utensils. It also sounds like there will be far too many vegetables involved.

The new symbol was designed to underscore a central mantra of the federal government’s healthy eating push: make half your plate fruits and vegetables. And it is expected to be a crucial element of the administration’s crusade against obesity, which is being led by the first lady, Michelle Obama.

Half the plate? Where will Americans be able to fit in the standard scoop of mayonnaise and pile of French fries? Michelle, all of these changes are terrifying! Can’t we just keep doing dance-offs with Beyonce? [The New York Times]

Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.

 
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{ 179 comments }

baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 10:43 am

"plate-shaped symbol"…..Why don't they call it a Pie chart? Americans love them their pie.

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 10:51 am

Hey, as long as we can stack mounds of bacon on it without them going outside the circle its all good right?

baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 10:53 am

As I always say: If I'm holdin' a fork, I'm munchin' on pork!

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 11:05 am

Since I am already practicing Sharia, I only chew Halal Pork, i.e. Turkey Bacon.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 11:49 am

"As I always say: If I'm holdin' a fork, I'm munchin' on pork! "

Oh, I hope you don't eat your baby back ribs with a fork.

Geminisunmars May 31, 2011 at 11:39 am

Because all any of us Americuns would think is "FLOTUS says eat Pie! Yay!"

Jukesgrrl May 31, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Other good news for FLOTUS, a pie chart will also get on the cover of USA Today.

mavenmaven May 31, 2011 at 10:44 am

What Merka needs is not a food plate or pyramid, but a newly designed food trough…

elviouslyqueer May 31, 2011 at 10:54 am

THIS. Also, fun trivia: on a recent shopping trip, I happened to stand behind a rather Ruben-esque woman wearing a t-shirt that declared "Mississippi women count blessings, not calories." And by "Ruben-esque," I mean "Ruben Studdard."

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 11:06 am

Long ago, & oh, so far away… she weighed less than 200 pounds

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 11:22 am

It must be said that people that size can't see what they are eating.

SorosBot May 31, 2011 at 10:44 am

What the fuck's a food pyramid? The symbol of healthy eating is supposed to be the four food groups, dammit!

Fuck I'm old.

Weenus299 May 31, 2011 at 10:49 am

I remember this promo movie with these kids dancing around singing 4-4-3-2! 4-4-3-2! Then I went home and ate two filet o fishes and the large fry my mom bought after she had done some thrift shopping.

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 4:37 pm

A filet o' fish is the best sandwich ever made, though I haven't had one in decades. Not the new ones, with lettuce, and the cheese on top. No, no, no.

I mean the classic small plain patty, with the square fried filet, with a dab of tartar sauce (not too sweet! just right!), and best of all, the little half slice of bright orange, heavily salted, meltable food-grade plastic on the bottom, damn it!

And the best way to eat it was to nibble it all around the bun, and then lick the tartar sauce off the bun, and then peel the fusable cheese product off the bottom of the patty, enjoying the 3 days worth of sodium, and then eat the bottom bun and the fish patty.

Oh boy, remembering this was fun. Things like this make me wish that I hadn't grown up and learned to eat healthily, though I really do like beans and rice (good thing too, on my budget). Ah well, I suppose I should (ahem) get back to work.

Wait, I just kind of missed the point of the article, didn't I?

Weenus299 May 31, 2011 at 4:44 pm

That fuckin' Filet O' Fish glowed orange in its shiny blue styrofoam box. God help me it was good. I haven't had one in decades, but I can still taste it.

If it weren't for the ground turkey crap and the grilled/steamed chicken bullshit I serve myself all the damn time, I swear I'd be a vegetarian.

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Brown rice with any kind of beans on top, and on top of that a nice, runny fried egg to drip through the bean and rice. Opinions differ in my household as to whether salsa is necessary on any of the layers.

Nutritious, and satisfying, and CHEAP.

We all think it is so yummy, but a friend of mine listened to me describe it and said she was glad she didn't have to eat at my house.

JustPixelz May 31, 2011 at 11:37 am

Four?!? WTF? There's booze and pussy and um … um … something with salt on it … OK, I give up.

chicken_thief May 31, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Bacon?

chilequiles May 31, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Bag of salted dicks?

CapeClod May 31, 2011 at 10:44 am

Mayonaisse on French Fries! I've only seen that in Europe. In USAmerica we only put Baconaisse on our Freedom Fries!

SorosBot May 31, 2011 at 10:54 am

And in France, they got the metric system and don't know what the fuck a quarter pound is, so they call the Quarter Pounder with Cheese a Royale With Cheese.

baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 11:00 am

Check out the big brain on Brad.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 11:04 am

Well, I don't think that an "Eighth-Kilo-er with Cheese" would go over real big with the marketing folks.

What do they call the Whopper?

anniegetyerfun May 31, 2011 at 11:02 am

This is how we know that Wonkette is elitist. Only Europeans and Californians use mayo for anything. In real murka, we use Miracle Whip and even then, only for potato salads/sexual lubricant.

TsunamiAli May 31, 2011 at 11:28 am

and pancake-wrapped sausages on a stick.

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 4:41 pm

In Canada, they put gravy on them. Canadian Wonketeers, why please? They are actually best dipped in milk shakes. Sugar, fat, and salt in every bite.

Wait, I'm still missing the point of the article, aren't I? And no, I haven't gotten back to work.

Limeylizzie May 31, 2011 at 10:44 am

Will it make me look like the Nubian Princess that is FLOTUS?

Terry May 31, 2011 at 10:50 am

Given that you are English, you'd probably look like a Plantagenet or Tudor Princess unless you got to work with the self tanner.

weejee May 31, 2011 at 11:37 am

Well the Tudors did paint Dickie Plantagenet pretty black. Although in The Daughter of Time Josephine Tey indicated the Tudors may have framed him regards murdering the kids, and given him a hunchback. Sorta the same thing the Teatards are trying to do with Barry.

BlueMonkeh May 31, 2011 at 12:21 pm

I loved that book, but then I'm kind of white and nerdy.

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Yeah, me too.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 11:20 am

What's a Nubian?

JustPixelz May 31, 2011 at 11:39 am

One of the aliens Captain Kirk violated the Prime Directive to interfere with in his cabin.

chicken_thief May 31, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Whatever, it sounds kinda hot!

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Gorgeous?

Peace in our time May 31, 2011 at 7:15 pm

"What's a Nubian? "

Latest GM hybrid vehicle.

Gets 200mpp (miles per palin).

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 11:21 am

I remember an episode of Star Trek where a replicant of Abe Lincoln called Uhura a charming Nigress. I believe her reply was "Well I Never…."

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 4:44 pm

"Will it make me look like the Nubian Princess that is FLOTUS? "

Let's ask her! She's seems really nice! I'll bet she tells us yes, yes it will (while mentally rolling her eyes and thinking, whatever works…).

Limeylizzie May 31, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Can you imagine what insane questions she must get? Also having to put up with all that crap that the wingers spout about her being hideously ugly and fat?

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I recently found the "Michelle Obama Watch" site. Golly, it's nice to see a site for our wonderful FLOTUS with not one negative word. She is one heck of a woman and this country is so lucky to have her.

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 7:08 pm

"…crap that the wingers spout about her being hideously ugly and fat? "

Hah. They just wish their spouses would look at them (let alone touch them) the way Barry looks at Michelle.

I think it especially sticks in Palin's craw that he so obviously thinks he's got the most gorgeous, sexiest wife ever, and has not one tiny thought to spare for her scraggly, droopy ass. Heh heh.

SexySmurf May 31, 2011 at 10:47 am

Good, that pyramid thing was part of a Muslim or Illuminati plot. Or perhaps a Muslim Illuminati plot. Did you know the Canadians use a food rainbow because they're super gay.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 10:52 am

There's some weird shit going on on the dollar bill, man.

DangerHelvetica May 31, 2011 at 11:16 am

And those Jews who built the pyramids.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 11:22 am

Tell that to the National Review's "The Week" staff. They'll not believe their Canadian social-con boyfriend Stephen Harper is such a queen.

(I love reading that section, by the way. It's totally snivelling, with a side of closettedness. (The pretzels those alleged libertarians turn themselves into to condemn (consensual) gay (monogamy) are tastier than Fat Free Rolled Gold.))

Terry May 31, 2011 at 10:47 am

"Where will Americans be able to fit in the standard scoop of mayonnaise and pile of French fries?"

No worries. French fries are made from potatoes which come from a plant and count a vegetable! Problem solved. You're welcome.

Weenus299 May 31, 2011 at 10:47 am

The Food Sphinx is a much better guide. Eat whatever you want, bury yourself in sand and cut your nose off.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 10:48 am

"It consists of four colored sections"

Yet another example of the secret agenda to kill all the white people!!!

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 11:07 am

They wanted to make the chart in the shape of an acorn, but Plouffe advised it wouldn't play in swing states.

CapeClod May 31, 2011 at 10:48 am

They should illustrate what foods we should eat by placing the groups in a MacDonalds hamburger wrapper.

lochnessmonster May 31, 2011 at 10:49 am

MY food plate includes chocolate and bacon…she better not try taking that away from me or she's in for a fight!

Terry May 31, 2011 at 10:52 am
baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 10:59 am

OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD.

(dancing around like a little kid)

LesBontemps May 31, 2011 at 11:12 am

OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD.

(recoiling in abject terror)

lochnessmonster May 31, 2011 at 11:46 am
SexySmurf May 31, 2011 at 10:52 am

You know they make chocolate-covered bacon.

lochnessmonster May 31, 2011 at 11:44 am

AND it's DELICIOUS!JanWhat other people think of youIs none of your business.

ThundercatHo May 31, 2011 at 11:15 am

I recently had chocolate-covered-bacon-on-a-stick. I was very excited when I saw it thinking, "Yay! My three most favorite things!". But, you know what? Not so tasty. Perhaps chocolate was substandard or just two great tastes that don't go great together.

lochnessmonster May 31, 2011 at 11:47 am
ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 7:13 pm

What is your special thumbs thingy? You have a thumbs up (gave you one of course), a thumbs down, and a third one under the thumb count so I can't see what the little picture is. No one else has a special thumb thingy. And your thumb count is red.

PS I haven't started drinking yet.

Barb May 31, 2011 at 10:49 am

Don't look at me, I'm enjoying a rum and coke with lime to ward off scurvy right now.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 10:51 am

Who knew I would find my soulmate on a sarcastic political website?

neiltheblaze May 31, 2011 at 10:59 am

You are a reincarnated British sailor!

LesBontemps May 31, 2011 at 11:14 am

Only if your rum and coke also comes with sodomy and the lash.

Barb May 31, 2011 at 11:36 am

"no bartender, I'll have a lite beer."" For some reason, rum and coke makes my ass hurt"

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 11:18 am

I do think LimeyLizzy could twirl her fingers in my toddy. Lizzy???

Barb May 31, 2011 at 11:35 am

I think she'd twirl her tassels and do it very well.

DashboardBuddha May 31, 2011 at 11:45 am

I…I think I love you.

DemmeFatale May 31, 2011 at 11:47 am

Snap!
Why just last night, as I was making my Mojito with fresh lime juice, I thought about Vitamin C!

BarryOPotter May 31, 2011 at 2:28 pm

I'm enjoying a rum and coke with lime to ward off scurvy right now.

Sounds delicious, Baaarrrrrghb…

neiltheblaze May 31, 2011 at 10:49 am

This new system is completely un-American – just like all that other nutritionist claptrap. Corn syrup and burgers or GTFO.

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 4:50 pm

"Corn syrup and burgers…"

With gravy and cheese melt on top, right?

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2011 at 10:51 am

Well, the first ladies have to have their hobby horses. Remember Nancy Reagan and "Just Say No to Drugs?" AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

SorosBot May 31, 2011 at 10:57 am

Maybe Michelle could promote healthy eating by copying Nancy and guest starring on the modern equivalent of Diff'rent Strokes. But what would that be?

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 11:08 am

Glee?

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 11:58 am

2 1/2 Men?

Geminisunmars May 31, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Modern Family?

baconzgood May 31, 2011 at 10:57 am

That really helped stave off the crack epidemic.

anniegetyerfun May 31, 2011 at 11:05 am

Remember how Laura Bush did… that one thing?

SorosBot May 31, 2011 at 11:09 am

Shots of vodka and Valium?

anniegetyerfun May 31, 2011 at 11:13 am

Ah, a good ol' V & V. My favorite way to start the week.

BlueMonkeh May 31, 2011 at 12:27 pm

I always liked her. Except for her taste in men. Although, that's probably why she needed all the chemical help.

fartknocker May 31, 2011 at 10:51 am

I bet the American Dairy Council will issue a scathing press release because their circle isn't as big as the protein circle.

The big question is the eating utensils: Will a traditional American fork, knife and spoon be shown or will it be the spork? I know one of my neighbors fancies lots of spork-specific foods.

Smitros May 31, 2011 at 11:12 am

That covers KFC coleslaw and . . . I'm stumped after that.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 11:24 am

Pintos n' Cheese!

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Popeye's red beans and rice is plenty sporkable.

Smitros May 31, 2011 at 3:57 pm

"Sporkable" may be my favorite new word in quite a while.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Unlike the spork itself, it's a keeper.

EatsBabyDingos May 31, 2011 at 10:54 am

Virginia does not like the "four colored sections." The only colored section is behind the kitchen, silly comrade.

chicken_thief May 31, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Though in the kitchen is acceptable, at minimum wage of course.

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 10:54 am

The Indians gorged too… although probably not three to four times daily.

DaSandman May 31, 2011 at 10:57 am

You mean I've been choking down a multi colored pyramid every day for decades and now its "never fucking mind? "

Hello End Times.

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 10:57 am

Hey I'll take "HOT" over "FANCY" any day.

freakishlywrong May 31, 2011 at 10:59 am

A hale hearty Wonketeers! I took a break for my birthday and went and swam in some un-oiled saltwater for the first time in two years. I also found not watching cable news makes one a lot less angry. That being said, this new plate is socialist, I don't see a place for "Ketchup" on it. Fucking Kenyans.

Monsieur_Grumpe May 31, 2011 at 11:03 am

I see it did not take long for you to be rebittered.
Welcome back!

PubOption May 31, 2011 at 11:14 am

I thought ketchup was officially declared a vegetable, by Ronnie the senile.

Barb May 31, 2011 at 11:15 am

Happy Belated birthday!
Ketchup is the condiment of the damned.

HistoriCat May 31, 2011 at 11:29 am

Tell that to my 4 year old – she'll put ketchup on anything.

freakishlywrong May 31, 2011 at 11:43 am

Exactly. She's Four.

ThundercatHo May 31, 2011 at 11:18 am

According to the gospel of Saint Ronny ketchup is a vegetable.

elviouslyqueer May 31, 2011 at 11:57 am

And who would know better from vegetables than Ronnie dearest?

What? Too soon?

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Well just a hair… 'cuz I was going there…

Geminisunmars May 31, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Hail (Hale? Heil?) – Fellow Gemini. Hope your birthday was as Tsunami/Earthquake/Tornado/Flood/Oil Spill free as mine was.

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Yay… we made your Birfday… mines a comin'… you Gem you!

Monsieur_Grumpe May 31, 2011 at 11:02 am

As Stephen Hawking sez, “Eat your veggies!”.

El Pinche May 31, 2011 at 11:03 am

"Can’t we just keep doing dance-offs with Beyonce?"

LMMFAO!!!! Good lord …too funny to read while on a conf. call.

El Pinche May 31, 2011 at 11:09 am

You Godless libtards know nothing!! It is said that Jesus turned a barn in Nazareth into a Golden Corral in Quiznosians:123.

DaSandman May 31, 2011 at 11:10 am

I just spit expensive bottled water all over my monitor. Bravo.

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 11:16 am

I was drinking Cranberry Juice. It did fix that dead pixel I have on my east monitor.

Smitros May 31, 2011 at 11:13 am

She could have really alienated people by quoting Michael Pollan's advice: "Eat [real] food. Not too much. Mostly plants."

ThundercatHo May 31, 2011 at 11:27 am

My favorite diet advice came from Jack Lalanne, "If it tastes good, spit it out."

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 12:02 pm

That kinda works 'cuz most of our food comes from "plants"…

chicken_thief May 31, 2011 at 12:56 pm

God didn't invent the Angus Burger and beer just so I could eat fucking arugala and drink water. Why would I want to go against His will?!

Dddintensified May 31, 2011 at 11:13 am

Actually, the four colored sections with a separate white milk section may appeal to Michelle’s critics.

On another note, when I went to leave this comment, another commenter’s screen name and entire email address were already populated in the fields on my iPhone.

neiltheblaze May 31, 2011 at 11:14 am

If they were really being Americans about this, they would hand out free Paula Dean cookbooks and ration coupons for extra butter. Bring back lard!!!

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Did Benjamin Franklin really say that beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy, or is that just one of those fake Internet quotes?

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 11:15 am

Why does this woman want to tell us what to eat? Is she suggesting the populace is obese or something? Woman, get out of my beer belly shorts!!

bureaucrap May 31, 2011 at 11:15 am

"most Americans, who are used to eating food while weeping and hovering over the kitchen sink"

You are so wrong, Blair. Most americans eat food while in their car, having just passed the drive through window.

The chart itself will be divided proportionally among those companies that pay to be on it, in direct relation to the amount they contribute to the FDA to look the other way.

donner_froh May 31, 2011 at 11:16 am

Just what we need–another visual aid about healthy eating so we know what we are ignoring while waiting in the drive-through.

Eve8Apples May 31, 2011 at 11:19 am

For Real 'Merikans, we'll need an alternative to the plate — something like a styrofoam take-out box or a grease stained brown paper bag.

Jukesgrrl May 31, 2011 at 7:20 pm

What??? You're not supposed to eat out of mixing bowl??!!

SarcasticNymph June 3, 2011 at 2:13 am

That's what those "bowl" fast food concoctions are. Food all dumped on top of each other in a bowl, covered with gravy.

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 11:19 am

I believe you Won me.

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 11:25 am

"Beside the plate is a smaller circle for dairy, suggesting a glass of low-fat milk or perhaps a yogurt cup."

Or… BUTTER?… WHIP CREAM?… NACHO CHEE?
Them's Dairy too. Don't forget the "Cheese paper"…

ttommyunger May 31, 2011 at 11:31 am

Not being pessimistic, but I think we'd be well advised to buy Hoveround and McDonald's Stock. I went to a cookout Sunday and what those people ate is fucking astounding. Most of it bypassed the digestive tract and marched straight to the arteries. I think I gained five pounds just watching them.

102415 May 31, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I just bought Coke and Altria. Damn you Wonkette!

ttommyunger May 31, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Coke is not only a harmful product it is a harmful Corporate Entity. Google “Killer Coke”.

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Just for fun, read Bill Bryson's description of eating in Applebee's (and American restaurants in general) after 20 years away from his cornfed Iowa roots (England).

ttommyunger May 31, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Not my kind of porn, no safe word.

proudgrampa May 31, 2011 at 11:32 am

OK. This is where I draw the line. I am sick and tired of the gubmint telling me how and what to eat. Stay the fuck out of my kitchen.

Texan_Bulldog May 31, 2011 at 11:36 am

I smell Food Pyramid Gate forming over at Fox. 'Who does this uppity woman think she is changing the food pyramid to a plate?'

Also, that Man vs. Food show is an obscene waste of food. I'm sure he clogs up the toilet in every hotel he stays at.

neiltheblaze May 31, 2011 at 11:39 am

Somebody let the downfister out of his cage again.

Pragmatist2 May 31, 2011 at 11:47 am

Pyramids are Egyptian.
Egyptians are Muslims.
Ergo, to destroy pyramids is to destroy Muslims.
QED

DDDintensified May 31, 2011 at 11:50 am

That the white milk section is separate from the four colored sections (presumably Asian, Black, Hispanic, and Muslin Terrist) should appeal to Mich's critics.

By the way…on my iPhone, the sign-in user name and email fields were pre-populated with another commenter's screen name and entire email address. I just now created and changed over to a Wonkette-only Google Mail email address, FYI.

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 11:51 am

Wow. Really? That makes me a bit worried.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 12:06 pm

That has happened to me several times on both my iPhone and iPod (WiFi).

If Steve Jobs is God, I hope he's a benevolent one.

BlueMonkeh May 31, 2011 at 12:33 pm

That's cool. I can use all the help I can get with my comments.

Callyson May 31, 2011 at 11:55 am

This is all very nice of Michelle to care and all, but if she *really* wants to get Americans to listen up, she needs The Onion's approach: http://www.theonion.com/video/fda-official-just-e

nappyduggs May 31, 2011 at 11:57 am

Does this pyramid specifically tell people that these vegetables cannot be breaded and deep-fried, and that the fruit category is not covered by Skittles? Precedent has shown that one must be very clear when imparting these things us America-uns.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 11:57 am

It's breakfast time here on teh west coast, and I am STARVING.

DaRooster May 31, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Well… duh…

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2011 at 3:49 pm

All kids are damned. My dad (a father of seven) was once given a poster that said "What did I do to deserve all these damned kids?!" I think my grandma gave him that.

Buckminster May 31, 2011 at 12:12 pm

With the current prices at the grocery store, they may just want to change the "food plate" to "cat food and dumpster leavings."

Redhead May 31, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Where's the shape for my dessert? Where's the vat-shaped symbol to show me how much of the food on my plate should be battered and fried?

sportshort May 31, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Nobody's gonna pay attention to it, even it were in the shape of Jesus' face with large tits. OK, maybe the large tits.

Eve8Apples May 31, 2011 at 1:21 pm

We could count the large tits as dairy, but we'll have to put two small circles on the sides of the large center plate.

DahBoner May 31, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Maybe Hugh Hefner could work up the food/tits concept.

It's a hands-on project…

Jukesgrrl May 31, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Jesus' face is supposed to be on the FOOD, silly, not the plate. Virgin Mary on toast is OK, too.

Geminisunmars May 31, 2011 at 12:32 pm

And if it is Canola Mayo, the oil is made from the Rape Seed (really), a vegetable, and so there you og.

EDIT: I was going to fix "og" but actually I like that better.

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Og. Og, og, og. It is rather soothing, isn't it?

Geminisunmars May 31, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Yes!

Chet Kincaid May 31, 2011 at 12:39 pm

FYI, this is old news, especially for Diabetics. It's called the Plate Method, and the American Diabetes Association, among others, have been pushing it instead of the Food Pyramid for a while now:
http://www.diabetes.org/food-and-fitness/food/pla
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes-food-and-fitness/we

Without snark, today we are all Diabetics.

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Yep, anybody that has looked at a "Prevention" magazine in the last 15 years knows about the plate method.

Jukesgrrl May 31, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Maybe Michelle just figures we are all pre-diabetic at the very least, so why not cut to the chase.

GhostBuggy May 31, 2011 at 12:42 pm

In what universe do the Obamas reside, where they think the average U.S. American won't immediately try to replicate what they see on the pie chart ON ONE PLATE AT EACH MEAL, except with it all sitting on top of an actual pie?

It's like they're really from some crazy place, such as Kenya.

HistoriCat May 31, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Lime is Takei – and it's OK to be Takei.

simplyblue7 May 31, 2011 at 1:10 pm

"This “plate” concept is a terrible idea because it will likely confuse most Americans, who are used to eating food while weeping and hovering over the kitchen sink, without using plates and utensils."

Most certainly! I eat my meals out of a bucket!

Jukesgrrl May 31, 2011 at 7:32 pm

And afterward, fill it with tears, right?

MinAgain May 31, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Plate techtonics…the study of how big your plate must be to make the ground shake when you carry it to the table.

gurukalehuru May 31, 2011 at 3:06 pm

The circular plate, which will be unveiled Thursday, is meant to give consumers a fast, easily grasped reminder of the basics of a healthy diet.

Because a pyramid is just so fucking complex.

BZ1 May 31, 2011 at 3:37 pm

…but the real question, does she chew gum?

zappadoo76 May 31, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I thought "colored sections" were abolished by the 1964 Civil Rights Act or Brown v Board of Education or something. And now we have a Nubian princess arguing for them? I am gobsmacked.

zappadoo76 May 31, 2011 at 3:42 pm

I thought "Colored" sections were abolished by the 1964 Civil Rights Act. But now our Nubian princess is arguing for them? I am totally confused.

zappadoo76 May 31, 2011 at 3:47 pm

What ever happened to the Three Food Groups: Twinkies, haggis and methamphetamines?

MissusBarry May 31, 2011 at 3:57 pm

They had this out-of-use color-wheel over at Homeland and repurposed it. Recycling! Socialism!

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 4:38 pm

My boyfriend says there are three: whiskey, red meat, and chocolate.

MissTaken May 31, 2011 at 5:43 pm

I'm PMSing hard today so my "dinner plate" is made up of four equal sections containing chocolate, cheese, Xanax, and Wendy's Frostie.

Jukesgrrl May 31, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Nice try, but you can replace the Wendy's Frostie with a Klondike Bar, then combine the ice cream and chocolate, thereby leaving Section One open for chips. And if you choose Nacho Cheese Doritos, then you have Section Two open for more drugs. Wash it all down with a Diet Pepsi and that negates the calories (proven fact I learned in college). Go for it, sister.

DemonicRage May 31, 2011 at 7:06 pm

What will the wife of Mitt Romney force us all to eat, when the Republicans vote him in (like that's ever going to happen). How is it that, this deep into the pre-Campaign Campaign, we don't have a clear idea who Mrs. Romney is, but that image of the dog on the car room is seared into our awareness?

Jukesgrrl May 31, 2011 at 7:42 pm

What DO Mormons eat?? Nuts from trees planted by Joseph Smith? Surely they must also own scads of fast food corporations, since they own everything else west of the Mississippi. Really classy Mormons surely eat at Marriott hotels to keep the $$$ in the family.

horsedreamer_1 May 31, 2011 at 8:51 pm

The six pound frittata. Amazing.

HistoriCat May 31, 2011 at 11:27 am

"Lime is a fruit"

That's hateful stereotyping! You should say that Lime is a homosexual. Or possibly Lime is gay.

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Tonic! Tonic is something that's good for you, right? And gin is made from juniper plants, right? So if it's made from the twigs or leaves or roots, it's a vegetable, and if it's made from the berries, it's a fruit, right? This is probably the most nutritious food item ever devised!

(Bustles off to the store…)

jus_wonderin May 31, 2011 at 11:41 am

Painting the meats green could work too. I think.

chicken_thief May 31, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I haven't tried that since I can't find any lettuce in the house, but what I do pile up the 5 peas (that I will ignore when eating) then look at it from a lower angle so that the mini-wall of peas blocks much of the view of the 16 oz bacon wrapped t-bone in the background.

Geminisunmars May 31, 2011 at 12:30 pm

You'd be amazed: black is white, up is down, Palin is smart. . .

One_who_wanders May 31, 2011 at 4:55 pm

And the tonic has quinine in it which helps prevent malaria – which, with today’s high being 95 or thereabouts, seems like a good precaution to take.

ChessieNefercat May 31, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Or buying the meat green! That could lead to weight loss, right?

PigOfDoom May 31, 2011 at 8:27 pm

As long as your fridge is out of reach of the shitter, yes.

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