About 55 years ago, American kids who weren’t allowed to buy “race records” by the likes of Chuck Berry or Fats Domino were helpfully directed by white shopkeepers to safe, white versions of the popular songs by a very white pop singer named Pat Boone. He wasn’t some colored hoodlum with the greasy hair and the sex ideas! No, he was just a clean-cut college boy, and the college was probably Bob Jones University or Liberty University or whatever the middle-1950s version of those places might’ve been … and from history we know that actually the entirety of America was like those places, so anyway … sorry, we’ve lost our point and can’t do these ginormous Wonkette sentences quite so effortlessly as some of our predecessors. Back to the TXT version with ADHD: Wealthy old white nostalgic entertainer Pat Boone says go ahead and kill Medicare, because he is rich and doesn’t need it.
Does Pat Boone have a “base” that follows his right-wing advice? We have to admit we first heard of Pat Boone right here on Wonkette. And … gross much? A birther whose name would only ring a happy bell with very old Americans who lived in sanitized homes free from the menace of black music like the Rock ‘n Roll.
Pat Boone: America Needs Leadership Over Politics
“I’m going to lace up my white shoes and spread the news far and wide that this administration is trying to mislead and scare seniors.”ALEXANDRIA, VA. – Pat Boone, national spokesperson for the 60 Plus Association, today issued the following statement in defense of Rep. Paul Ryan’s Medicare-saving reforms and those who support the proposed legislation:
“Harry Reid and his cohorts are not fooling seniors with the ‘Medi- scare’ tactics ….
And etc. “White shoes,” well that’s not a code for anything, we bet! Maybe this is a parody email? Do people send parody press releases, much?
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When you get married you forget about kissing other women.
Pat Boone
Notice that he didn't say anything about kissing other men?
Many music critics say Pat's kind of the American Paul McCartney.
Jesus, why would you say that about Paul McCartney? Tempted to downfist here.
Don’t down-fist me, bro (or sis). Just wanted to zing Barb. She’s a huge fan, and rightly so as McCartney’s wonderful.
OK, thank goodness. I'd already upfisted you in any case.
More like Pat Boone was to America what David Hasellhoff was to Germany.
You guys really do need to get a room. You're starting to confuse the rest of us.
Not sure Bob Jones U was around in Pat's college days. He claims to have a degree in English from Columbia. He resisted covering Fats Domino's "Ain't That A Shame" because of the bad grammar.
"He resisted covering Fats Domino's "Ain't That A Shame" because of the bad grammar"
Having seen a clip of his cover of "Tutti Frutti" (which pat doesn't know was originally written about buttsechs between two geigh guys!), I can only say that Fats Domino dodged a bullet there.
You don't kiss boytoys!
Do you?
I kiss boytoys every chance I get.
Is this A Bad Thing?
"Pat Boone, national spokesperson for the 60 Plus Association"
60 plus what? IQ? That's the majority of the republican party.
Shorter Pat Boone: "You're over 55, so you got yours, and fuck everybody 54 and under."
"The 60 Plus Association."
Let me guess, it's an association funded by the Koch Bros, dedicated to screwing future retirees out of everything they have, starting with medical insurance.
Using the same naming convention as "The Clear Skies Act."
Pretty much. It bills itself as the "conservative alternative" to the AARP.
And Aarp itself is an odious insurance company trying to masquerade as a champion of the Olds. So…wow, how bad must 60+ be?
but i did get discounts off of my hotel rooms using my aarp card, so that covered my dues.
Send in the postcard for a four year renewal but with the "bill me later" box checked.
They send back a membership card. Don't pay the bill.
Profit!
AARP really is just a slick insurance sales marketing scam.
Hey, that's not fair! They're also an odious financial services company.
And if it weren't bad enough. Pat is the father of Debby Boone who sang the one-hit wonder "You light up my life." Sugary, Xtian stuff.
The composer of which loved raping women.
And the man who wrote that song, You Light Up My Life, Joseph Brooks just took his own life while awaiting his rape trial. We should change the song to a more suicidal tone: "You Light Up My Life Like The GE Four Slice Shower Toaster"
And the composer of you light up my life just committed suicide after some charges about sexual abuse.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/you...
"His head was wrapped in a plastic bag, which was connected to a tube from a nearby helium tank."
Oh god. This has got to be the most humorous way to off yourself ever.
And what about Brooks' son? Still on trial for murdering his girlfriend? I see.
What about Pat Boone's daughter? Why was she never put on trial for murdering music?
A "nearby helium tank"? Am I the only one having a WTF? moment here?
A *laughing gas* asphyxiation would have at least been pleasureable, but helium? What gives?
There appear to have been some family problems.
Ya think?
"Pat is the father of Debby Boone"
Debbie also wrote a book about her long struggle with eating disorders.
No family dysfunction there, no sirree bob.
If that crap song becomes an earworm in my head today I"m going to join him in the white-trash bag of death. Thanks.
Oh yeah baby, that is every wide stancing republican's dream. Come on baby, Jesus will love you if you let me buttsecks you.
…in defense of Rep. Paul Ryan’s Medicare-saving reforms…
You know, in the Bến Tre sense of the word.
the guy hasn't been relevant in 50 years — which means he's on the "cutting edge" for RepugliKKKans….
One of their "Young Guns", no doubt?
These idiots are still mad at the Beatles for knocking Pat Boone out of the charts forever!
I waiting to make my decision on the relative merits of the budgets until I get input from Al Jolson and Bing Crosby, as well.
Ah…Pat Boone, true to the muse: the non-alcoholic lager of rock'n'roll.
How can you have white shoes, while you're knee-deep in bullshit?
Also: it's still Memorial Day.
& I thought the Olds put stock in dressing well. No white before Memorial Day, nor after <spits> Labour Day.
I'd assume that it was a reference the white loafers (a/k/a "half Cleveland") along with the white belt ("full Cleveland") of misguided older men…
Except that I don't think Pat Boone has a sense of humor.
please, please, please take that photo away…
Hey, you guys, remember when there was a Wendy's commercial with Dave Thomas dressed up in a black leather vest, and we were all like, "Yeah! Go Dave!", cause Dave was a really nice old guy?
And now this Ned Flanders dickweed puts on a black leather vest, and you just want to kill him with a wood chipper?
I think he uses botox
For what?
An injection in the penis prevents unwanted, unsightly boners
It's spelled "buttocks," GH.
"I think he uses botox"
Not enough to paralyze his speaking muscles.
The 60 Plus Association is great! It's like AARP, but instead it fights to make sure seniors are left with nothing and either have to move in with their kids or go to a work house or some other pre-Social Security institution for destitute old people.
Hmmmm…what will I do with all that free time during my waning years? Snap! I'll take up bomb making!
How do I join? Sounds like fun.
So, exactly like AARP then.
Pat who?
Pat Boone. Chuck Norris. Dennis Miller. When your career is over, you turn Republican.
oh don't forget victoria jackson.
Or Stephen Baldwin.
Is Stephen the, um, leotarded one?
She never had a career.
Nor did he.
Don't forget Charlton Heston.
Reliably Democrat 'til Nixon. Not so bankable as a star after Apes.
Or Ted Nugent
"don't forget victoria jackson"
*chuh!"
I'm TRYING to, thank you!
Tots makes sense. Going from the A list to the B list and on down the alphabet until you're not on any list probably makes one bitter and angry. They were already self absorbed and devoid of anything resembling compassion for others. Those traits are required attributes for membership in the Republican Party.
It occurred to me this morning that the R after a congresscritter's name stands for "Red in tooth and claw."
I figured it meant Retard.
Dick Morris
Up next: Kelsey Grammer
And — he played a President in that movie, Swing Voter. Has my vote, then. Kels is presidential.
well it DID work wonders for Reagan!
I can't wait for his hip-hop album. Rich Dudes With Attitudes, I think?
BTW, Wonkette Jr., you had me at 'Tales From The Crypt."
Ozzy's his neighbor, right? Why can't he walk across the street and knock some sense into this asshat?
Who Ozzy or Pat?
They should get in a Celebrity Death Match fight.
I wish Slayer was his neighbor.
Ozzy? Walk across the street? C'mon.
Ozzy would throw their dogs' shit over the fence into Boone's yard.
That outweighs Ozzy's offenses against humankind in my book. Jah bless him.
Oh sure Pat Boone's all for killing Medicare — because if the bill passes, his music will be the only form of anaesthesia the olds will be able to afford.
Or euthenasia. Not sure Death by Pat Boone Music could be described as "mercy killing," though. The dude had no clue about pitch, rhythm, intonation, phrasing…you name it, Pat didn't have it.
Like Paul McCartney! Oh, wait…
Giving a whole new reason to end it all now for the "hope I die before I get old" crowd.
Boy. Joe Scarborough sure has let himself go…
Thanks Wonkette Jr. Now I am blind from gouging out my own eyes at the sight of that photograph. Quick! Someone send Seal Team Six to finish me off.
Careful! You realise that "finish me off" has two meanings, especially when combined with going blind?
You think that pic is bad? Try this one.
That'll put you off your lunch.
That was truly. . . um truly. . .amazing.
And "That'll put you off your [boxed] lunch".
Thank God I'm blind now.
That's the only box his penis has been in.
Yes but what does Conway Twitty think?
Whatever…the Smothers Brothers could whup this guy's ass any way, tats and all. Let's get them to issue a press release or sumthin.
Haha, those tats of Pat's come off in the bath.
40 Plus: not a bad mag.
50 Plus: a si a si.
60 Plus: shutters at keyboard.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=shigeo+t...
NSFW
See how blah blah blah Asian culture blah respects their elders?
On the other hand he made Journey to the Center of the Earth with James Mason and that movie is great.
Well, Andy "Matlock" Griffith did pro-Obama Healthcare ads last year, so I'd love to see a oldster Battle Royale.
Two geezers enter – one geezer leaves with his stupid white buck shoes shoved in each nostril.
Hah! Man, those promo shots he did for that ill-advised heavy metal album continue to pay off in ways that Pat Boone could hardly have imagined.
Just curious about Pat's wife, after all he is wearling the leather and the collar, I wonder what fetish's Mrs Boone may be into. Pat has been a bad boy posing like this and he probably needs a spanking.
Ever heard the album that this outfit is associated with? Pat Boone In A Metal Mood. You can find clips of it online. If you've ever wanted to hear Enter Sandman with jazzy horns, your search is over!
One hint: greasy hair and sex ideas.
Pat Boone? More like Pat BANE, amirite?
Also, "white shoes"? Does he mean, like Weejuns or PF Flyers or something?
Jackboots with white shoelaces.
Boone's rock covers from a couple years back are reason enough to exile him to a desert island.
A veritable "Exile on Lame Street," if you will.
The man in the picture is actually the legendary superhero BatPoon…
He has the power of mindless guano flinging.
Wouldn't it be nice if some rich Republican, instead of telling those in need that they need to live without, would tell his fellow rich bastards to suck it up and live with the same tax rates they had under
GodReagan?Wow. And I thought John Lennon covered all the improbable, but highly desirable, scenarios in "Imagine".
Forget it Pat. Old people think that if you start messing with Medicare in any way it means they will get screwed eventually. And this time they are right.
Well there is screwed and there is SCREWED. Lower case screw means I won't get a liver transplant at 85 years of aged that gives me another 6 months of earthly pleasures at taxpayers expense.
Upper case screw, I have to come up with another 12k a year just to have any medical insurance.
Most of us olds know that the current level of medical expenses are not realistic. But we would sure like to have the option to at least have a lower level of advanced care past a certain age rather than just spend every dime of disposable income on insurance.
Thank you for that picture Wonkette Jr. I've been having a horribly grim day, curled up in the fetal position in bed with tea and chocolate, and I burst into giggles. If you can make me laugh like this…Ken should totally hire you.
White shoes are a gang sign.
First time I saw Pat Boone, lo those many years ago, I said, "He's a cunt". After time to reflect, I think that was a little generous.
As they say, "No he's not. He lacks the requisite warmth, depth and charm."
Pat Boone: So mid-20th Century.
You know who else was so mid-20th Century?
I thought he was dead. Oh, well.
Rumor has it Laura is a slut.
“Harry Reid and his cohorts are not fooling seniors with the ‘Medi- scare’ tactics …."
Fooling? No. Accurately depicting this as an underfunded privatization scheme promising bankruptcy and an early grave for most Americans under 55? Possibly.
Judging from the picture, he's probably just out of his mind with grief now that Michael Steele won't be hosting any more bondage themed parties for the RNC.
wow. made irrelevant by the likes of mick and keith 50 years ago and still talking.
god i love keith richards.
I assume that the white shoes are a reference to the uniform of the olds, the full Cleveland.
One of his his hit songs made reference to white buck shoes and a pink carnation. (All dressed up for the prom, doncha know.) At least I think that was him. He was Mister Squeaky Clean.
Ahem (clears throat) the legendary Marty Robbins wrote both the music and words to "A White Sport Coat and a Pink Carnation." Boone covered it, badly, and Jimmy Buffett parodied the title on his album "A White Sport Coat and a Pink Crustacean." I'm Middle-Aged Man. I know this stuff.
All bow to Middle-Aged Man, who knoweth whereof he speaks.
I want to see a leash on that collar, and Steele following him around with a bag picking up his turds.
Pat Boone: Destroyer of everything he touches.
And to think, I used to respect him . . .
(edit) Oops, oh yeah. . . NSFW.
http://www.suckered.us/images/pat_boone_penis_in_...
The box symbolizes the pre-retirement American public.
If she goes back for more popcorn, you know you're in luck!
Ah, "Mediscare", the phrase originally invented shorty after Newty became speaker and Democrats decided to point out that he said he wanted to slowly kill Medicare. It's so nasty for those Dems to accurately point out that the GOP is trying to do something wildly unpopular.
I find it annoying that the men who are making these horrible decisions are drinking Chivas Regal, donated by lobbyist, through expensive dentures.
When I want to retire, if jerks like Boone have stolen my pension, ruined what is left of my investments, destroyed housing values, and taken away Social Security, Medicare, etc. they might want to think about the consequences of opposing all gun control. (Ka-Chunk would be the last thing the thieves hear.)
Hear, Here. Speak on.
"the consequences of opposing all gun control"
And of course, by "gun", you mean "surveyor" — wink wink.
Pat Boone is 77 years old, but only appeals to people who are 85 and up. Seriously, just reading about him now on Wikipedia, the guy has not been the least bit relevant in over 45 years.
Edit: It figures Downfister is a Pat Boone fan.
He did, however, have a semi prominent role in the saga of the destruction of Flint, MI in Roger & Me, didn't he?
How did this asshat ever get Pink Floyd to appear on his show?
Oh that's right. Their lead singer was going insane at the time.
Syd Barrett on his worst day made more sense than Pat Boone on his best.
Like what Pat Boone says matters. Last time I was culturally aware of his relevance, he was
making my mom moistsinging Tony Bennett's leftovers.You are so wrong – Pat Boone was never relevant.
Don't forget Jon Voight.
we’ve lost our point and can’t do these ginormous Wonkette sentences quite so effortlessly as some of our predecessors.
David Foster Wallace wrote for Wonkette? That explains the suicide.
These fucking clients are ruining my snark. KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOUR DOING BEFORE YOU COME INTO BACONZ OFFICE SO I CAN GET BUZY WITH THE SNARKZ!!!!
I thought he died at the Alamo.
hey pat:
why is it 'politics' when analysts point out that under the ryan plan (in the words of 'the economist'):
The proportion of Americans with no insurance, which was set to decline significantly under Mr Obama’s plan, will rise instead. Medicare beneficiaries, who now enjoy benefits on a par with those enrolled in private plans, would instead have to accept a far less generous range of services, or pay out of pocket for more.
and 'leadership' when republicans talk about death panels and (again the 'economist'):
win last year’s midterm elections by scaring seniors into thinking Mr Obama would cut their Medicare benefits.
douche.
Ya. Facts will make a difference….
"why is it 'politics' when analysts point out"
"and 'leadership' when republicans"
That's what happens when you want to be a politician working in government, and reap all the benefits of same, and still run the canned speech about how politicians and government are bad.
"I'm not a whore, I'm a personal consultant".
Hey listen, if you deliver letters, you're a mailman; if you blow the Kochs on your knees, you're a whore.
Goodness knows that the GOP has never been in the business of skeerin' the olds. "Death panels" were meant to be a comforting idea.
Pat Boone is 77 (d.o.b. 6/1/34). I guess that makes him a "young gun" in the 60 Plus Association.
It makes him a Young Republican at the very least.
Pat Boone: Idiot and Racist: Here's his infamous lying editorial, where he compares "liberals" to "black filthy cells" http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pag...
He's also lying as cancer cells do not appear black under a microscope and "Dr. Fred Hutchinson" doesn't exist (Fred Hutchinson was a baseball player for whom the center is named).
To hell with this moron hater.
What's super awesome is that no one has taken that down yet. It's still factual enough for them, the conversations that Pat has with his penis about the Bible and cancer cells.
Or maybe he meant another Dr. Fred Hutchinson?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r90STT21N7A
"cancer cells do not appear black under a microscope"
You can't even really call this *encoded* racism, can you?
Oh, and this from the Boone article: "the white corpuscles we call ordinary Americans"
He's nothing if not extremely subtle.
Kind of ironic b/c all those black R&B artist Boone ripped off are probably in deseperate need of Medicare right now.
Why would any woman/girl want this man in their pants? We were all born already with an asshole of our own.
George Micheals has done worse…
Not to girls he hasn't.
JESUS. Would it be OK if I just went back to being 59?
If being 59 is wrong, I don't wanna be right.
So, I should form my opionion about the current proposed GOP medicare scheme based on the advice of a former corny pop star way way before my time? I bet they want me to buy insurance based on the advice of a talking gecko too.
"I bet they want me to buy insurance based on the advice of a talking gecko too. "
The talking gecko is at least appealing and entertaining *some* of the time.
And hey, stupid olds who voted in our new Congress with Speaker Boner: why the fuck did you believe the GOP when they lied and said health care reform cut your Medicare services? They are liars, you should never believe them, and of course not only did they have no intention of protecting Medicare from health care reform but they are actively trying to destroy it, Boner is now holding the economy hostage by saying he won't raise the debt ceiling unless the Democrats agree to $2 trillion in cuts to Medicare. Yes, that's trillion; they want you to not be able to go to the doctor unless you're rich, otherwise old people they want you to be left to die when you get sick. And you are the reason these assholes are in charge! You did this to yourselves, dumbfucks!
My parents are old, but they're not stupid.
On more than one occasion, my Dad has said he'd like to punch Boner right in his crybaby orange face.
And when he was alive he only thought about one thing: sexytime.
Nonsense. The Koch brothers are behind him (giving him a reach-around, that is).
Oh, so… that's not the result of Photoshop? Like… that… happened?
It was the 90s – he was desperate for the attention.
This is a real "Boone" to the republicans.
Oh man, that made me groan out loud. A hearty fist for the pun, good sir or madam.
"Paul Ryan’s Medicare-saving reforms"
"I have to kill you to save you" is just common knowledge. Well, among psycho moms who are about to drown their children in bathtubs to save them from the voices in their heads.
Considering "saving" and "reform" are the exact opposite of what Ryan's plan does to Medicare, someone should get Pat a dictionary.
First let's implement my own Pat Boone-saving reforms.
I've been laughing at this man since I was knee high to a merry grasshopper. Some things never change. He's still a dork. Always was.
While I don't agree with this celebrity's take on the issues, I'll try to separate my distaste for their political views from my appreciation of their art…
Oh, it's Pat Boone?
Never mind.
Meanwhile, La Puta-Caravana continues to menace the East Coast.
Sarah's bus tour?
*Ding!*
Corecto, Sr. Agitacion!
p.s. I'm going to work that phrase relentlessly, be advised!
Work that shit into every possible situation, I love it!
Also whoever said, "It will be fun to watch the bitch implode in real time".
Caravana de la Mierda. Wondering if Kissinger will give this one his support.
Boone can take his white buck shoes and pick carnation and shove 'em. He knows where. He just isn't admitting he has/is one.
Still waiting to hear from Anita Bryant.
She's busy sucking an orange right now.
Navel?
Would you put it past him, though? Although I shouldn't besmirch the identity of this Dr. Fred Hutchinson – he might not be a despicable human being who would be in the same room as Pat Boone.
Isn't Pat Boone one of those hats with the fluffy tail in the back? Be nice to old people, fluffy hat, or I will sic a moth on you.
That's *Daniel* Boone, but it's an understandable confusion, since he and Pat Boone are the same age.
[Yes, I know it was actually Davy Crockett, not Daniel Boone]
Jim Jones?
Almost the right decade…
Hahaha! That's the EXACT phrase that I had envisioned. Bless you.
Actually, I think "Thhhatt's All, Fucks" would work better.
The first place you heard about Pat Boone was wonkette?
Oy, I feel even older than I am.
I know. On reflection, I decided to just ignore that.
Pat Boone's hottest new single… "Fuck you, I got Mine!"
Isn't 60 Plus the astroturf organization for seniors that think AARP is tooooo socialist?
Woah, lesbian bondage grandma at your service!
And I should take advice from a man who once had a young Barbara Eden in his arms and didn't want to kiss her on camera?
He's obviously insane.
In every Broadway jukebox musical about Rock and Roll, there's always a scene where an up and coming 'rhythm and blues' group has its song 'covered' by this vanilla artist. He was already Satan's spore, just for that, but now, pushing the olds' faces into the mud and advocating the termination of their healthcare….what position in Hell is appropriate for such a breathing turd?
"there's always a scene where an up and coming 'rhythm and blues' group has its song 'covered' by this vanilla artist. ….what position in Hell is appropriate for such a breathing turd?"
Listening to an unending loop of Vanilla Ice?
Pat Boone is living proof of just how overrated this nation is. If this were a serious place, he would be cleaning public toilets with Pugsly Limbaugh.
Pounding love-letters in the sand again, Pat?
Who is this tattooed mega-lesbian, and how does she get conservative Republicans to listen to her?
I propose regulating content on the internet, because that picture is the scariest thing I have ever seen.
Well, if an independently wealthy right-winger who falls far, far north of the "age warfare" provision in Ryan's plan isn't worried about the fact that Medicare will literally cease to exist for people other than himself, then what business do I, as one of said other people, being upset?
What an idiot. What an idiot? What. An. Idiot.
I never liked this simpering fucktard when he was somebody. What a sad excuse for a man!
I disagree.
He was never somebody.
Something?
"Red Foley's Ozark Jubilee and Pat Boone was on it too. She said he was a relentless, annoying horndog who would try to get in the pants of any girl over 12"
In all fairness, most girls over 12 in the Ozarks have probably been married and divorced a couple times already.
I thought that was "Dr." Laura.
"Pat also wrote a best seller titled "Twixt Twelve and Twenty." I haven't read it"
I read it on a family vacation (somebody had abandoned a copy in a laundromat). I was ten at the time, and it struck me as silly even then.
"the over-70 gay glam-leather Republican millionaire demographic is pretty narrow"
NOW who's being naive?
Reagan?
College of the Ozarks?
Hahahaha! You're funny making up names, and all. I mean, Oral Roberts? Come on! What are you going to tell me next? That there is a university named Anal Stevens?
**disclaimer: I know there is an Oral Roberts Uni
Wait, you guys are foolin', right? You mean to tell me that thing pictured up top is a famous man? It looks like a Bea Arthur Dominatrix. That thing isn't a man; it's a woman, baby.
I'm sixty five. Pat Boone sucked in the fifties, was forgotten in the sixties, and is now suffering from dementia.
"Not so bankable as a star after Apes"
Which I don't get. I netflixed the movie, expecting him to suck mightily, and he was surprisingly good.
You buy a tank of helium, no one thinks you're getting high off it.
'course, you buy nitrous from an automotive vendor and no one will think that either.
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