WORKIN' STIFFS  5:31 pm May 26, 2011

Joe Biden Stuck At White House Returning Calls For Obama

by Wonkette Jr.

'Uh, yeah, Joe Biden here. What the hell did you call about, anyway, ya knucklehead?'So what’s Delaware Devil Joe Biden up to this week, while Barack and Michelle are rocking out with the Queen in England and crashing their limo into Ireland and pounding Guinness? Poor Joe is just stuck with a stack of Obama’s “while you were out” messages, and he’s got to call everybody back! Bummerz.

(And by “Delaware Devil,” we mean Delaware’s less popular version of neighboring New Jersey’s “Jersey Devil.” We do not mean Joe Biden is the Devil. Cheney already confirmed that Paul Ryan is the Devil. Are we all caught up? Presto, we are all caught up!)

Anyway, poor Joe.

Michelle Obama, meanwhile, is having a very glamorous time in Merrey Olde Englande. She even got to meet Shelley Duvall, for some reason. [White House Flickr]

 
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{ 204 comments }

nounverb911 May 26, 2011 at 5:35 pm

"Joe Biden Stuck At White House Returning Calls For Obama"
It's better than going to funerals. Isn't that the Veeps usual job?

Terry May 26, 2011 at 5:39 pm

That and creating subterranean enhanced interrogation chambers on the grounds of the Naval Observatory.

Crank_Tango May 26, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Exactly what I was thinking–wasn't it called the Pit of Despair?

BaldarTFlagass May 26, 2011 at 7:11 pm

aka Vale of Woe; aka Slough of Despond. To reach it, cross the Bridge of Sighs. Or is that the Gorge of Eternal Peril?

ShaveTheWhales May 27, 2011 at 5:43 pm

If you're talking about Dick Satan, Jr, it's an Eternally Rising Gorge for me.

MadBrahms May 27, 2011 at 12:55 am

I thought that was what we called Cheney's heart.

fuflans May 26, 2011 at 11:51 pm

and killing deer.

AutomaticPilot May 27, 2011 at 12:06 pm

and shooting people in the face.

fuflans May 26, 2011 at 11:52 pm

and being the fourth branch of government. i forgot that.

god.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 26, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Great — Sheriff Andy's out of town, and and he left Barney Fife in charge. What could possibly go wrong?

genxr May 26, 2011 at 6:07 pm

I think this episode ends with Goober chasing down Deputy Fife shouting, "Citizens arrest! Citizens arrest!"

horsedreamer_1 May 27, 2011 at 1:54 pm

More likely, putting Otis the Drunk in charge.

tessiee May 27, 2011 at 2:11 pm

That was 2000-2008.

RadioJr. May 26, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Too bad Cheney didn't go to his own funeral.

keepem_sikanpor May 26, 2011 at 9:14 pm

That and being president of the Senate.

user-of-owls May 26, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Have you been in an accident recently? Like, say, running over some people? Protect your rights! Call 1-800-JOE-ATTY today!

No one will fight harder for you than Joe! He'll kill your legal troubles!

Troubledog May 26, 2011 at 5:38 pm

omg lol

notreelyhelping May 26, 2011 at 5:36 pm

"Well…yeah. That's fine. I always fly coach."

BZ1 May 26, 2011 at 5:36 pm

…somebody has to house sit…

BaldarTFlagass May 26, 2011 at 7:18 pm

The dog has to be fed, and walked.

Barb May 26, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Obama had better hurry back. Sarah Palin starts her east coast bus tour this weekend. It kicks off in DC and she's just dumb enough to think that she is entitled to squatters rights at the White House. The black cat's away and the not-so-nice will play.

Wait until she finds out there are Asians on the east coast too!

V572..whatever May 26, 2011 at 6:11 pm

So how's that new book about her?

rileywaggs May 26, 2011 at 6:16 pm

hello friend! I wish I could figure out a way to "private message you," but I just wanted to let you know that I used your wise words for a dumb wordpress blog thing I wrote:
http://nomorewarplease.wordpress.com/2011/05/26/w

(Also: Hello Wonkette! xoxoxox I miss you)

- riley

V572..whatever May 26, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Wow, thanks, I'm honored! We miss you too, Riley!

rileywaggs May 26, 2011 at 6:24 pm

May all your fart-boxes be tongue-punched :)

HistoriCat May 26, 2011 at 8:48 pm

We miss you too Riley! But I have to say "hot damn" on "nomorewarplease" – it's a higher calling.

Seriously people – pay attention to what Riley has to say. Even if you disagree with some of the stuff he writes there, read it!

rileywaggs May 26, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Thank you for reading — even though you might not agree with all the weirdo stuff I type! That's a good thing, by the way — It's never healthy to always agree. (I think, but maybe you should disagree!)

xoxo

riley

Barb May 26, 2011 at 6:18 pm

I mistakenly thought that everything in this book was leaked on the internet. I really like the book. It's creepy to me that Sarah would write letters to the editors of the papers, praising herself, while using fake names, and instructing others to do the same.

Remember how I sent the McCartney concert playlist to you? I am calling Sarah's bus tour "The Long and Whining Road" Yes, that tune is stuck in my head now.

V572..whatever May 26, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Tell Paul you want to hear "Eleanor Rigby," "Got to Get You into My Life," "Good Day Sunshine," "I've Just Seen a Face," "Things We Said Today," and "Here, There and Everywhere."

Barb May 26, 2011 at 6:36 pm

His concert is 33 songs. Vegas is the last stop of the tour.

metamarcisf May 27, 2011 at 12:23 am

So you didn't have to drink all that Guiness in order to enjoy the book, did you? Me, I'm waiting for the audiobook, with vocal performance by Keith Richards.

tessiee May 27, 2011 at 2:17 pm

"It's creepy to me that Sarah would write letters to the editors of the papers, praising herself, while using fake names"

Mr. Burns: Hello, my name is Mr…. Snrub… yes, that will do…

ChessieNefercat May 26, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Which one? There seems to be quite a few tumbling off the printing presses. I'd be interested in seeing a serious well-researched book about her actual governing/(un)ethical/legal/financial shenanigans.

I joke about her, but I do not want that monster actually running for president and ratcheting up the hate level more than it is. I do not want one of her demented worshipers deciding that their queen is entitled to her god-given presidency by any means possible.

V572..whatever May 26, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Barb knows. Let’s ask her.

Barb May 26, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Frank Bailey's "Blind Allegiance to Sarah Palin"

tessiee May 27, 2011 at 2:39 pm

"I do not want one of her demented worshipers deciding that their queen is entitled to her god-given presidency by any means possible."

Quite right, Cousin Chessie.

As much as we'd all enjoy "watching the bitch implode in real time", that's unfortunately not what would actually happen.

Any other candidate of such cartoonish stupidity and incompetence would crash the World Domination Express five minutes after leaving the station, be found sitting on the roadside wetting their pants and crying, and have their name synonymous with a joke for decades afterwards.

Not this one.

Despite the fact that Cunty can't tie her own shoes, she'll never get the public failure and ridicule she so richly deserves. If she were to actually campaign instead of just talking about it, some journalist somewhere would be foolish enough to ask her an actual question, and since she's stuck for an answer to "Good Morning", the ensuing "My Pet Goat" moment would be all over the internet in minutes.

Instead of that being the kiss of death that it would for anyone else on earth, it will be the signal for her stupid, violent, heavily armed minions to get out the Uzis*cough*surveyor's marks.

Callyson May 26, 2011 at 7:45 pm

But to her, they will look like Latinos. She and Sharon Angle will have to swap glasses.

RadioJr. May 26, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Maybe the downfisties could go to one of Palin's rallies and leave us alone for a while.

donner_froh May 26, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Wake up, Joe.

SudsMcKenzie May 26, 2011 at 5:37 pm

I wonder if he's happy with his long distance service.

fuflans May 26, 2011 at 5:37 pm

this is not a fucking big deal.

MarcelleMarceau May 26, 2011 at 5:37 pm

"Thank you for calling the White House. This is Joe speaking. How may I direct your call?"

BarackMyWorld May 26, 2011 at 5:37 pm

So they make Biden read from a script when he makes fund raising calls?
Makes sense, I guess.

user-of-owls May 26, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Sure, I have time to participate in your marketing survey. I have all the time in the world.

nounverb911 May 26, 2011 at 5:39 pm

At least Biden will get a chance to finish detailing his Firebird while the boss is away.

Terry May 26, 2011 at 5:50 pm

…and drinking up Obama's microbrew beer.

BaldarTFlagass May 26, 2011 at 7:20 pm

I wonder if he'll put some Yosemite Sam "Back Off!" mudflaps on it. Kinda gauche for a car, but who knows what goes in Dover.

natl_indecency_cmdr May 26, 2011 at 7:58 pm

i'm going to start saying "who knows what goes in dover" whenever i'm at a loss for words. thank you.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 26, 2011 at 5:40 pm

FLOTUS to POTUS: "Barry, what's with all these 1-900 phone calls on last month's bill?"

Sophist[Kochblocker] May 26, 2011 at 5:41 pm

They left him home alone? That sounds like a bad idea. Right now I bet the Secret Service detail is watching Biden dance around in his y-fronts to "Old Time Rock and Roll", and it's only downhill from there.

bflrtsplk May 26, 2011 at 7:38 pm

"Princeton could use a man like Joe."

easynewz May 27, 2011 at 7:02 am

Sorry man, I think we posted that reference at the same time. Still funny as hell, though.

user-of-owls May 26, 2011 at 5:41 pm

He's not returning calls, he's on the line with Boxcar Willie.

MrFizzy May 26, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Give me 40 acres and I'll turn this rig around.

elviouslyqueer May 26, 2011 at 5:41 pm

"Congressman Bachmann, is your refrigerator running? Well, you better send a staffer outside to catch it!"

BaldarTFlagass May 26, 2011 at 7:21 pm

"Do you have Paul Wellstone in a can?"

Peace in our time May 26, 2011 at 8:50 pm

"Do you have Paul Wellstone in the can?"

Barney Frank did!

fuflans May 26, 2011 at 11:21 pm

for some reason that reminded me of kitty harris locking herself out of her house and having to climb in thru the window shoeless or something.

good times.

BarackMyWorld May 26, 2011 at 5:42 pm

This picture is a Bob Newhart phone-gag quote waiting to happen.

neiltheblaze May 27, 2011 at 7:48 am

"Hello? Is this the Grace L. Ferguson Airway and Storm Door Company?"

ChessieNefercat May 27, 2011 at 8:55 am

Yay! I couldn't remember Grace's last name!

I have to get his CD's one of these days.

nounverb911 May 26, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Who's carrying Obama's luggage? Isn't that Biden job?

Texan_Bulldog May 26, 2011 at 6:13 pm

I thought that's what rentboy.com is for.

Callyson May 26, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Obama called too late to book them: seems the Republicans have that service fully locked down.

Troubledog May 26, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Did you see that tweet Pawlenty sent earlier? I had to laugh.

@BarackObama sorry to interrupt the European pub crawl, but what was your Medicare plan?

Listen, you guys, I have a big problem. Some people are offering me money to go to Georgia and do stuff. Does it suck? Y / N

Barb May 26, 2011 at 5:47 pm

For how long will you be gone? Jeff was offered a position in Tucson this last weekend, and we both yelled "oh hell, NO!" together.

Troubledog May 26, 2011 at 5:57 pm

8 months ugh all summer lonnnnnnggggg

Barb May 26, 2011 at 6:02 pm

I like Georgia. I vote "yes"

Troubledog May 26, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Good enough for me. /clickety clickMy hat is now in the ring. I will liveblog the drama as we peek behind the curtain for a glimpse of the exciting world of freelance technical consulting.

tessiee May 27, 2011 at 2:44 pm

"all summer lonnnnnnggggg"

Be forewarned that neither the temperature nor the humidity will go below 95 until the first of November.

MozakiBlocks May 26, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Well the ATL is ok, if you like traffic.

Go 10 miles outside the metro area and go back in time 30 years though.

And it's hot and humid

Biel_ze_Bubba May 26, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Emory's campus is an island of civilization.

elviouslyqueer May 26, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Certain parts of Atlanta aren't bad, and Savannah's rather pretty. The rest of the state? Well, let's just say Sherman had the right idea.

Troubledog May 26, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Savannah sounds great but this would be in Macon, I believe. Is Macon mostly cinder block taverns and blue tarps keeping the meth labs dry? And a big aerospace company?

elviouslyqueer May 26, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Is Macon mostly cinder block taverns and blue tarps keeping the meth labs dry?

No no, that would be Albany.

tessiee May 27, 2011 at 2:47 pm

"this would be in Macon"

Birthplace of Otis Redding!

DashboardBuddha May 26, 2011 at 6:43 pm

I understand the devil went down to Georgia.

Peace in our time May 26, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Georgia LOVED it when the devil went down on her.

DashboardBuddha May 27, 2011 at 8:06 am

I lol'd

berkeleyfarm May 26, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Moneys are good. If I didn't have all these animals I might have gone on the road for jobz.

Troubledog May 26, 2011 at 10:58 pm

I totally hear ya but both my animals fit in the truck!
http://i.imgur.com/I9YFL.jpg

It's either this, or going back to hooking up on CL so I can get girls to bring over pizza and dog food in exchange for ummmmm project management.

fuflans May 26, 2011 at 11:25 pm

i would so give you more 'p' for those dogs.

looks like pup number one is wearing a fish.

Troubledog May 26, 2011 at 11:38 pm

omg dude don't encourage me I have infinity dog photos http://imgur.com/a/GOJLE#hIZv9

berkeleyfarm May 27, 2011 at 1:23 am

Aw, those look like good buddies! *scritchies*

My three cats fit in my Subaru, but 1) they don't like the car and 2) don't like each other. And for a while my old girl (10 year old tortoiseshell – they don't call it tortitude for nothing) was regularly peeing on my bed, so I didn't want to leave her. I almost moved back in with mom and dad during the week (at age 48) because I was up for a contract in their area, about 90 miles away from where I live now. Would have brought the senior cat with me to give her some breathing room but all three in one room? Yipes.

Troubledog May 27, 2011 at 4:17 am

Chasing contracts is hard. You know what's funny. Layne is always on about the fucking apocalypse, omg, unfinished suburbs, people staring up at the sky with no meaning to their empty lives. At least they're not freelancers. I've been in the underground economy for six fucking years. It's not coming. It's been here.

C_R_Eature May 27, 2011 at 7:39 am

Dude, if someone's offering you money for services in this economy, go!
well, unless it involves cleaning up after an Ebola outbreak or something like that.

Besides, it's only 8 months and no place that I've been is totally without merit. Except for Butte, Montana, maybe.

I think Georgia's Alright. Atlanta's a neat city, though they don't call it Hot 'Lanta fer nuthin'. There's Stone Mountain you can climb up; got a Most Excellent view of the city and one face has giant bas-relief treasonous Generals carved on it.

I had what could be the best meal of my life in a fine restaurant in Athens. Yeah, I know -wasn't fried and didn't involve Vidalia Onions.

Did some fish work on the upper Oconee river many Moons ago. So much poison iyv, venomous snakes & arachnids, biting flies mosquitos and armed rednecks we named it the River of Pestilence. There were alligators, but further down towards the ocean, thank Dog. I'd stay away.

You just have to know what to stay away from. Ask the Locals. The trustworthy ones.

crybabyboehner May 27, 2011 at 2:42 pm

8 months, no problem. good food and music.

SmutBoffin May 26, 2011 at 5:44 pm

"Yeah, is this Seal Team 6? Look, can ya help me out with this lady at the dry cleaner? She wants the ticket for the slacks I dropped off but it fell outta my pocket when I was in the restroom at Quiznos. Maybe you could do some kind of 'slacks extraction' or something…

Yeah, I'll hold."

elviouslyqueer May 26, 2011 at 5:44 pm

"Barack? Barack who? No, I will not accept the fucking charges."

nappyduggs May 26, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Oh, Joe. I can just imagine him getting bored, ambling into some poor underling's office, saying "Hey, can I use your dictaphone? Wait, I'll just use my finger like everyone else!" Then he laughs so hard, at himself. And then he just cold falls asleep, standing up.

Mumbletypeg May 26, 2011 at 7:24 pm

*sniff* (cleaning off keyboard): That was beautiful.

Angry_Marmot May 26, 2011 at 10:43 pm

And I would still respect him more than Cheney, Bush, Quayle, Ford or Agnew. Nelson Rockfeller gets a pass for dying en flagrante.

user-of-owls May 26, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Obama = Queen of England

Biden = Prince Albert in a can

donner_froh May 26, 2011 at 5:46 pm

That picture of Michelle Obama and Samantha Cameron's would look really odd if it was published by Di Tzeitung.

MrFizzy May 26, 2011 at 5:46 pm

"Hello, Laura? I'd like to speak to W please. He has his own dick in his mouth you say? Okay, well, if he could call me back after he flosses that would be great. Thanks a lot, and please try to un-cross your eyes."

Lucidamente1 May 26, 2011 at 5:48 pm

"Hi, Christine, this is Joe. I just wanted to remind you that you lost that election for my old Senate seat. Yeah, that's right, in a year when Republicans won everywhere, you fucking whack job."

DashboardBuddha May 26, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Either there is more than Wonkette Jr, or Ken is really cracking the whip over the new one. Good luck little fella (or lady as the case may be).

easynewz May 26, 2011 at 6:15 pm

All Ken needs to do now is teach her/him to make a Blingee.

DashboardBuddha May 26, 2011 at 6:44 pm

They are cute when they're young, aren't they?

Mumbletypeg May 26, 2011 at 8:01 pm

If that's not a reference to Mississippi Burning,… then maybe I just need to temper down my adoration of Brad Dourif a little bit.

RadioJr. May 26, 2011 at 8:15 pm

I just got in….We still think, optimistically, Extemporanus is doing a great job….right?

DashboardBuddha May 26, 2011 at 9:09 pm

It's been years since I have seen that movie so I'm not making the connection.

Buckminster May 26, 2011 at 5:50 pm

"This is Peggy, how can I help you?"

riverside68 May 26, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Looks like he's working at the dining room table.

Jeeze you'd think he would get an office after all this time. (Did he have one and they took it away from him?)

This is not right! GIVE JOE AN OFFICE! GIVE JOE AN OFFICE NOW!
And staff, yes, that's the ticket, give him some staff to chase around!

SayItWithWookies May 26, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Hey, that's not Shelly Duval — that's the man hands chick from Seinfeld.

SexySmurf May 26, 2011 at 5:53 pm

"Hi, I'm looking for a Congressman Butts. First name, Seymour."

bflrtsplk May 26, 2011 at 7:30 pm

"You have reached the office of Republican Congressman Ben Dover."

easynewz May 26, 2011 at 7:58 pm

"Is there a Mike Hunt here? Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?"

Angry_Marmot May 26, 2011 at 10:50 pm

"Congresswoman Fingerdoo? Wilma Fingerdoo?"

thefrontpage May 26, 2011 at 5:55 pm

THE WHITE HOUSE

Official Schedule of the VIce President

Thursday, Friday, May 26 and 27, 2011

9 a.m. Wake up. Poop, shower and shave.

10 a.m. Breakfast in the White House Mess with some military guys, some Cabinet secretary, and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

11 a.m. Meeting with National Lieutenant Governor's Association Members–25 Lieutenant Governors from mostly Democratic states.

Noon-1 p.m. Lunch, with Jill Biden, various White House staffers with not much to do.

1 p.m.–Press briefing with National Enquirer, The Globe, The Star, The Daily Mail, TMZ, Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood and Yahoo! News.

1:15 p.m.–White House Bowling Tournment, with staffers from the Department of Energy, the FDIC, the SEC and the U.S. Institute for Peace.

2 p.m.–Farewell party for the U.S. Institute for Peace, which has been de-funded by Congress.

3 p.m.–Phone call with the President.

thefrontpage May 26, 2011 at 5:55 pm

3:10 p.m.—Afternoon tea break with diplomats from the British, French, Irish, Russian and Polish Embassies in D.C.

5:10 p.m.–National security, economic, trade, environment, Treasury and defense briefings.

5:30 p.m.–Head back to Vice President's mansion.

6 p.m.–Dinner with Jill Biden, Mike Mullen, Jon Stewart, Dennis Kucinich, Al Franken, Ariana Huffington and Michelle Malkin.

8 p.m.–"American Idol."

# # #

BTWBFDIMHO May 26, 2011 at 7:44 pm

9:30 p.m.– In bed with laptop to read Wonkette.com.

Pres[EXTERMINATE!!] May 27, 2011 at 12:03 am

9pm -catch Acela Express from Union Station to Wilmington

10:30 pm -snarl traffic heading from train station to Wilmington White House

11 pm – Ambien

11:30 pm – sleepwalk, raid refrigerator

12:45 am – sleep

bumfug May 26, 2011 at 5:56 pm

I thought the Delaware Devil was the one sitting on Christine O'Donnell's shoulder, whispering in her ear, urging her to shave her bush and start masturbating.

MissTaken May 26, 2011 at 6:34 pm

She should really listen to that little devil, he's a smart one.

Bonzos_Bed_Time May 26, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Of course Joe is working the day phone, as we all know Hillary picks up the calls at 3a.m.

ifthethunderdontgetya May 26, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Nice reference!

I had to read the caption to see before I realized that wasn't Shelley Duvall.

P.S. Dominique Strauss-Kahn Meets Barack and Michelle Obama back in September. It's like Obama knew.
~

MozakiBlocks May 26, 2011 at 5:59 pm

"Hello Sarah. Now you can call me Mr. Vice President. kthxbye."

pinkocommi May 26, 2011 at 6:02 pm

The phone isn't actually plugged in. Joe just likes to pretend. You should see him make mud pies.

nappyduggs May 26, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Also, I hope he calls Herman Cain and tries to prank order a pizza to Newt Gingrich's house.

tessiee May 27, 2011 at 2:53 pm

"prank order a pizza to Newt Gingrich's house"

That never works.
Newt pays for and eats all 500 pizzas.

Hatrabbit May 26, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Joe: "Where's the dial on this thing! These phones have got no freaking DIALS!!"

genxr May 26, 2011 at 6:08 pm

"Barry, while you were away I built that railroad you wanted."

easynewz May 26, 2011 at 6:13 pm

I picture Biden making like Tom Cruise in Risky Business in The Oval Office whenever Barry is away.

BaldarTFlagass May 26, 2011 at 7:28 pm

But doing the air guitar routine with the "button" with Europe's "The Final Countdown" playing on the iTunes.

easynewz May 26, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Speaking of 'the button,' I have to link to the old Genesis video with the Spitting Image puppets. A true classic from the days when MTV was young.

Edit: Ooh, it seems Downfisty and his creeple don't like me making fun of his widdle hewo, Zombie Reagan.

Peace in our time May 26, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Joe Biden is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy! That's storybook, man!

easynewz May 26, 2011 at 7:03 pm

With no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.

BarackMyWorld May 26, 2011 at 6:24 pm

And like Shelley Duvall, from being married to a Tory, Samantha Cameron probably has lots of experience with Tall Tales and Legends.

x111e7thst May 26, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Joe will not be able to get his A game on till he takes a page out of Big Dick C''s book and starts mainlining the umbilical cord blood of third world babies.

MissTaken May 26, 2011 at 6:25 pm

I bet they are also making Joe pick up Bo's dog poop and fill up his bowl of kibble. Hopefully he's ordering shitloads of porn on the White House on demand as payment for housesitting.

easynewz May 26, 2011 at 6:26 pm

"Hello, Amtrak? I'd like to place an order for a private train. Um, sure. Charge it to B-A-R-A-C-K O-B-A-M-A. Just a second, I've got the credit card number around here somewhere…"

Dudleydidwrong May 26, 2011 at 6:29 pm

"Duffy's Tavern, where the elite meet to eat. Archie, the manager speakin', Duffy ain't here." Oh, Hello, Barry…just havin' some fun and reminiscing. You are coming back, aren't you?"

Goonemeritus May 26, 2011 at 6:31 pm

This maybe the first time Amtrak gets funded by a guns for rail covert op.

OneYieldRegular May 26, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Wow. I always pictured the interior of 10 Downing Street to be something like you'd find in "The Innocents" or "Jane Eyre" or some movie starring Dame Judith Anderson. I hardly expected the Camerons to be Dwell magazine subscribers.

Guppy06 May 26, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Is it just me, or does this photo make him look like Bill Murray?

Also, If he's the Delaware Devil, does that make him responsible for Christine O'Donnell's masturbation?

Limeylizzie May 26, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Hey,I love Joey Biden, don't be mean to him.

berkeleyfarm May 26, 2011 at 9:46 pm

I am v. fond of the Joe. Also, too.

easynewz May 27, 2011 at 7:46 am

Aw, we're just teasing, LL. I actually think the world of him. 'Gotta respect a man that keeps on going after the personal tragedies he's been through. Me, I'd be curled up in a ball in the corner and maybe would never leave the house again. Plus, his wife is hawt and brainy. So please don't be angry with us.

trondant May 27, 2011 at 2:07 pm

LL, he'd laugh his ass off if he ever read this thread.

Mort_Sinclair May 26, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Joe Biden is straight out of central casting as Obama's foil (in a literary sense). Pure gold.

Peace in our time May 26, 2011 at 8:57 pm

I thought the symbol for Obama's foil was Al.

And the symbol for gold foil would be AG Holder.

PrimlyStable May 26, 2011 at 7:11 pm

That looks like the complete Star Wars trilogy and a couple of 24 box sets on the Camerons' kitchen shelf.

Beetagger May 26, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Biden has already switched the presidential limo to Geico and changed the White House to the Dish Network. Dude's busy!

BaldarTFlagass May 26, 2011 at 7:31 pm

"One ringy-dingy, two ringy-dingies…A gracious good morning to you…Have I reached the party to whom I am speaking?

gullywompr May 26, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Oh shit – I got that. God I'm old. But so is BaldarTFlagass.

Doktor Zoom May 26, 2011 at 7:46 pm
BlueStateLibel May 26, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Probably unblocking all the adult cable channels. Michelle is going to be pissed.

ShiftyParadigm May 26, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Number 10 Downing St. looks like it was furnished with Bulky Item Pickup Day finds.

easynewz May 26, 2011 at 8:48 pm

"Yeah, hello? Is this Hamid Karzai? I'm returning your call for the President. I'm very sorry, but we can't authorize more aid for your country at the moment. Hehe, nah man, I'm just messin' with ya. The check's in the mail."

Poindexter718 May 26, 2011 at 8:52 pm

…I understand that Ms. Bin Laden and we will return the iPad just as soon as our team in Langley is finished with their work. Please calm down, ma'am, I'm sure they won't erase the Mecca pointer app. My supervisor? I'm sorry, but he isn't available at the moment.

gullywompr May 26, 2011 at 9:12 pm

"And for a fifty dollar pledge, we'll send you a reusable tote bag with the Presidential Seal on it. <whispering>We thought the Seal Team Six logo would have drawn more donations, but we're not allowed to use it any more</whispering>."

Warpde May 26, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Fucking bill collectors.
Joe! Joe! Let the answering machine get it.

rocktonsam May 26, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Hello is Amanda Hugankiss there?

Hey everybody is there Amanda Hugankiss here, come on

tessiee May 27, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?

DustBowlBlues May 26, 2011 at 10:43 pm

Still don't have time for this shit but: is little Wonkette Junior ever going to come out of the closet. We don't care if you're gay or a cross-dresser, Junior. We think you're adorable and want to pinch those chubby little cheeks of yours.

About to turn in a pumpkin so, 'later losers, DBB

easynewz May 27, 2011 at 5:50 am

"…turn in a pumpkin…"

Is that some kind of a euphemism? If not, please excuse my dirty mind.

BaldarTFlagass May 27, 2011 at 7:51 am

I was trained to say that I was going to "drop the kids off at the pool" or "visit my uncle," and that if it was urgent, "the little squirrel is poking his head out the knothole."

fuflans May 26, 2011 at 11:36 pm

i can't really snark here. this is one of the funniest comment threads i've read in a very very long time.

kuddos all round.

thefrontpage May 27, 2011 at 10:13 am

Thank you. And thank you for your service to this country, and for your continued support of Delaware.

–Joe Biden.
Vice President
U.S.A.
The White House
Washington, District of Columbia
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW 90210 (for MapQuest)

ChessieNefercat May 27, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Somebody needs to let Joe know about this. I'd think he'd laugh himself silly. I like Joe.

fuflans May 27, 2011 at 2:21 pm

me too. love love love me some gaffy joe. makes me grin from ear to ear.

and then you hear him on like, judiciary hearings for roberts or something and realize how smart he is.

ChessieNefercat May 29, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Smart and funny and not full of himself. Yes yes.

Pres[EXTERMINATE!!] May 27, 2011 at 12:10 am

"Is this the Tube Bar? I'm looking for a guy named Ben. Ben Dover. "

"Anyone here named Ben? Ben Dover! BEN DOVER! ….. Sorry, no one here by that name."

"How about Al, last name Koholick?"

"AL KOHOLICK! AL KOHOLICK! …. He's not here."

Ok, thanks, and go fuck yourself.

"You cocksucking motherfuc….." *click*

Cicada May 27, 2011 at 12:32 am

Totally OT, but here's Santorum's HS yearbook pic: http://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/easel/images/ga

Hee hee.

MadBrahms May 27, 2011 at 1:09 am

Rick Santorum, or barn owl? You decide

powersuit May 27, 2011 at 8:14 am

Nice BCGs!

AutomaticPilot May 27, 2011 at 12:29 pm

so ghey!

tessiee May 27, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Yikes!
No wonder he talks to dead babbys!

DerrickWildcat May 27, 2011 at 2:04 am

We really shouldn't bother him. He looks pretty busy.

Negropolis May 27, 2011 at 2:21 am

Kind of off topic, but I was looking through the White House flickr, and didn't realize how small astronauts are, though, I guess it makes sense now that I think about it.

Negropolis May 27, 2011 at 2:44 am

"Yes, I'd like too cheese pizzas, extra glitter, please. Oh, and a large clam soda. Also."

easynewz May 27, 2011 at 6:13 am

"Yeah, hello? Can I speak with Mrs. Palin? This is, um, her physician. Oh, she's not available at the moment? I just wanted to call about that hookworm problem she has. Tell her that if she rubs some Tiger Balsam on her anus that will clear it right up. Ok? 'Bye now."

*Hangs up* "Hehe, you just got Bidened, Snowbilly!"

easynewz May 27, 2011 at 6:22 am

"Yeah, hello? Am I speaking with, uh, *squints at monitor* a Mr. Ken Layne? This is Joe Biden. Yeah, that Joe Biden. I just want to say that the entire staff and I love your Wonkette blog thing – we read it every day. But how's about you reveal the identity of Wonkette Jr.? Ok? Thanks a lot, man. Keep up the good work."

easynewz May 27, 2011 at 7:10 am

"Yeah, hello? Is this Planned Parenthood? This is, um, Newt Gingrich. I'd like to make a donation to you guys for a million dollars – wait, make it two million. And can you please make sure that I get credit for it in your next press release? Ok, thanks. Just send a bill."

*Hangs up* "Hehe, you just got Bidened, Newt!"

easynewz May 27, 2011 at 7:26 am

"Yes, hello. Is this Mrs. Callista Gingrich? I'm uh, calling from Tiffany's accounting office. I just want to make sure that a charge from a Mr. Gingrich for a diamond tennis bracelet has been authorized by you. Oh, it was quite some time ago. Um, last year in April, ma'am. The accompanying card read "I can't wait to see you again, my love-muffin. Love, Newt." Madam, please calm down. Perhaps there's been some kind of mistake. We'll look into it and get back to you, I promise."

tessiee May 27, 2011 at 7:09 pm

I know at least one dumb son-of-a-bitch who actually got caught cheating this way when the florist called and his wife answered the phone.

DashboardBuddha May 27, 2011 at 8:05 am

Joe picks up the phone, slyly looks around and says, "Hello, Godfather's Pizza? I'd like to order for delivery…"

ChessieNefercat May 27, 2011 at 9:53 am

Aw, I think Joe would laugh his head off at all of these. I like Joe because he has always been so passionate about stopping DV going back to the VAWA: http://tinyurl.com/4yxwt4g

easynewz May 29, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Chessie, this post is kinda old, but I hope that you get to read my reply anyway.

Thanks for that link. Wow. I never thought that I could admire the good Dr. and VP any more than I already do. (I moved away from the States in the late 80's, so I've missed a lot of news items).

I hope that Joe has the energy left to seek the Dem nomination in 2016, so he and Jill can continue their awesome work from a position of strength. My mother had boyfriends that beat her, so I can totally relate. It broke something inside of her that I doubt can ever be fixed.

ChessieNefercat May 29, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Oh, I'm so happy someone saw and liked that link. I think both Joe and Dr. Jill are two really great people.

Joe was fighting the good fight in regards to DV long before it was as commonly discussed as it is now. I like Dr. Jill's support of the importance of community colleges and the difference they can make in people's lives.

easynewz May 29, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Glad to see you got my reply. Sweden has an interesting approach to helping threatened women. Besides the obvious restraining order, any woman who has been physically assaulted is issued a pager unit like the "I've fallen and I can't get up" thingies that olds can buy. Police response is swift, and incarceration is immediate for the assaulter.

I am proud of the fact that I have never raised a hand in anger towards a woman, and equally saddened that I would even have to 'boast' about that. Best wishes to you, mate.

Nopantsmcgee May 27, 2011 at 10:03 am

" Wanna hear my Ernestine impression? *snort* "

greypanter May 27, 2011 at 11:50 am

Nice tasteful show of thigh by Samantha. Thanks for that, Ms. Prime Minister.

ghblowhard May 27, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Is this Geico? I need a quote

tessiee May 27, 2011 at 7:02 pm

"We don't care, Mr. Milhous; we're the phone company."

Barb May 26, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Congratulations!

HuddledMass May 26, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Are you going to Savannah? It's beautiful. Actually a lot of GA is beautiful.

ChessieNefercat May 27, 2011 at 9:06 am

Well, okay and good luck. All I know about Georgia I learned from Deliverance (great first date movie, you betcha!), but freelance technical consulting sounds much better than "working" on Cletus' and Jethro's pig farm.

Actually, the Weather Channel's in Georgia, right? They all seem like nice people. Georgia's probably really nice away from whatever that river was.

easynewz May 26, 2011 at 6:57 pm

This must be alumni week at teh Wonkette. Blessings upon you, former overlord.

Mumbletypeg May 26, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Riley: missed you, missed you. Now we get to fist you. ♬ ♪

Everyone else: y'all need to check out Riley's latest post as well. Priceless — but that's just my opinion.

rileywaggs May 26, 2011 at 8:04 pm

did you get my email? :)

RadioJr. May 26, 2011 at 8:12 pm

I don't know anything about e-mails, Riley, but we I know I hate war and respect tongue punching fart boxes.

Mumbletypeg May 26, 2011 at 8:26 pm

I got your email, yes. You've reaped your payback now, your turn to make *me* cry! But I always say tears are healthy so it was well-earned. Keep up the good blog work, you seem to feel at home there.

rileywaggs May 26, 2011 at 8:22 pm

But would you go to war to protect your fart box, from people who don't want to tongue-punch it? These are questions that keep me up at night! gah!

Peace in our time May 26, 2011 at 8:51 pm

When visiting the state, one should stop by and say pay respects to her royal eminence, Lady GaGa.

Troubledog May 26, 2011 at 11:34 pm

I always wanted to live there after I saw Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil. Is it like that IRL?

RadioJr. May 26, 2011 at 8:52 pm

My fart box looks like Stalingrad, but it is the Fatherland, and I will fight for every last inch of rubble — as I have no choice with the NKVD rifles trained on my back. Or, as Umberto Eco so keenly observed, there is proto-war and neo-war that further confuses the issue.
Does that answer your question?

gullywompr May 26, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Has anyone ever seen the two of them together? Well, have you?

user-of-owls May 26, 2011 at 9:15 pm

I disagree! Um, I think. Or maybe I agree. Oh crikey, Sr. Waggs, you've gone and muddled my addled brain into a puddle of rubble. Gah!*

*17 cents in royalty to Mssr. Newell.

Mumbletypeg May 26, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Actually, his deputy character says: "Funny, their kids are so cute" to wife Frances McDormand's character holding a diaper-clad black youngster. A lot of memorable scenes in that film but this line stood out for me, even if I had the wording slightly off.

fuflans May 26, 2011 at 11:42 pm

i know. i have infinity cat photos and it is a problem (city girl need cats but grew up with pups).

trondant May 27, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Come to Athens – the drinks are cheaper, and the co-eds are plentiful.

ShaveTheWhales May 27, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Bring me the head of Umberto Eco.

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