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Get a crucifix or something!Here is what Dick Cheney said, in public, about GOP Medicare Murderer Paul Ryan: “I worship the ground that Paul Ryan walks on.” There, done, confirmed: Paul Ryan is not just a creepy looking errand boy for the Koch Brothers, because the Koch Brothers and Dick Cheney and Scott Walker and Eric Cantor and the rest of these amoral corporate devil-worshipers actually worship Paul Ryan, who is the Devil. This is pretty much just like in those Left Behind books … and this might well explain why Jesus did not return as He was scheduled to do last weekend. Paul Ryan/Satan defeated him! Was the Lord Jesus defeated — which in our admittedly hazy understanding of Christianity, is basically impossible? But if Paul Ryan is Satan, which was confirmed by Dick Cheney, who worships Satan, then the Christians have to rise up and defeat Paul Ryan, so Jesus will come back. This is totally making sense now. Let’s see if there’s a trailer for Left Behind: the TV Movie on YouTube, because we have a feeling there will be some instructional material within such a video.

First, though, so nobody thinks we are joshing about this, go read the actual quote in this oil industry newsletter. It’s paragraph 24, and it starts with the quote, “I worship the ground Paul Ryan walks on.”

Ergo, Paul Ryan is El Diablo, and this is exactly (probably?!) what’s in the Bible, or the Book of the End Times.

And now, our Feature Presentation. Watch closely around the :51-:54 part:

Who was that, right when all the good people were getting taken and the unsaved people were freaking out? It was Paul Ryan, his terrifyingly cold face appearing in the darkness. Look:

Here’s the screen grab:

Spooky!
And here’s what he looks like today, as “Paul Ryan,” the thing Dick Cheney worships:

As Jim Newell would say, "GAH!"
O-kay, and we have now officially creeped ourselves out, while trying to make a Dick Cheney/Paul Ryan joke. [Fuel Fix with thanks to chascates]

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  • horsedreamer_1

    Cheney doesn't want his title as "worst President from a small state starting with 'W'" to be taken away.

  • PuckStopsHere

    "I worship the ground he walks on."

    Cheney just wants to fuck him. Hard. In the ass. Before he dies. He wants this very much. This is why he talks this way.

  • Barb

    “I worship the ground Paul Ryan walks on.”
    Well, more like "slithers" on. He leaves a distinct snail trail just like Callista Gingrich does when she shops at Tiffany's.

  • CliveWarren

    By worship he might just mean kneeling with his forehead on the ground and pointed in the general direction of Paul Ryan, not being able to move because he has no heart…

  • Allmighty_Manos

    I guess that makes Kathy Hochul Jesus then?

    • riverside68

      Gabby is making a resurrection pitch that is hard to compete with, complete with husband asending to heavens. Let's see how that one turns out.

  • Fare la Volpe

    WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW.

  • Troubledog

    Ahhh, Wisconsin. Your rich legacy. Eugene McCarthy. Paul Ryan. Scott Walker. Brett Favre.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Bert Who?

    • neiltheblaze

      Let's not forget Senator Joe

      • Troubledog

        I'm going to go lie down. The hookers just gothere.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Hey, before we condemn the whole state, remember – Fighting Bob LaFollete, Bart Starr, UW-Madison (aka Berkeley East), Aaron Rodgers.

      And cheese curds. For that alone, I can forgive Wisconsin creepy Eddie Munster.

    • BloviateMe

      It's pretty bad when neither Ed Gein nor Jeffrey Dahmer crack the "horrible people from Wisconsin" top 5 list.

    • SorosBot

      But they also gave us Richie, the Fonz, Laverne and Shirley.

      • horsedreamer_1

        & the American Hero Big Mac eater!

      • Clearly, that state has jumped the shark.

    • Beowoof

      Don't forget its the home of the unionized Harley Davidson. I have to go polish my Sportster now that I am thinking about it. (For the dirty minds here that is a motorcycle).

      • AJW@[redacted]

        Mine was built in York, PA. Still UAW, though. (Electra-Glide)

    • Herb Kohl? Kohl's Dept Stores? Russ Feingold? Laverne and Shirley? Miller Time?

  • Boojum_Reborn

    This tells me all I need to know.

  • Nostradamus predicted this.

    • Beowoof

      I see great buttsecks in the north
      In place known for cheese,
      Someone named Walker
      Will butt slam the unions with no lube

      That was quite the quatrain.

    • Negropolis

      Nostradumbass predicted a lot of things.

  • memzilla

    So now we know that Eric Cantor (R-Didn't Kill Osama) has a scriptural basis for denying aid to the Midwest tornado victims. Hey, do you kiss your mother with those Apoca-lips?

    • SorosBot

      But I thought the Jews didn't believe in Satan.

    • riverside68

      On the lips, beeatch

    • Negropolis

      Hey, do you kiss your mother with those Apoca-lips?

      Good god, that is so full of win.

  • Sassomatic

    Eew. That means Sarah Palin sucks his cock. I always hoped Satan would be kind of hot, at least.

  • SexySmurf

    If I understand this correctly, that means Paul Krugman is Mike Seaver and David Brooks is the Whore of Babylon.

    • Nothingisamiss

      You DO understand this correctly!

    • mrpuma2u

      I think there will have to be a massive "battle royale" cage match among the repugnicans for title of Whore of Babylon. Gonna be on pay per view.

  • iburl

    1. I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt not have strange gods before me. (FAIL, this story)
    2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. (probably)
    3. Remember thou keep the Sabbath Day. (He works on Sunday (talk shows))
    4. Honor thy Father and thy Mother. (Probably not, but they named him "Newt' so eff-em)
    5. Thou shalt not kill. (pro-war and death penalty)
    6. Thou shalt not commit adultery. (hahaha)
    7. Thou shalt not steal. (does stealing from the poor to give to the rich count? Yes.)
    8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. (He's constantly lying, so yes)
    9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife. (hahahaha)
    10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods. (0% interest Tiffany's charge account is only used for this purpose)

    (Dammit, for some stupid reason I thought this story was about Newt overcompensating to Ryan again.)

  • Sassomatic

    We've been downfisted, it seems. Just like Cheney is downfisting Paul Ryan right now.

    • mavenmaven

      Spanky2b is following you, check your intense debate page. http://intensedebate.com/people/Spanky2b

      • SorosBot

        Whoa, I hadn't checked his comments in a while and I see he has what's not just a racist comment, but one attacking little girls (which, based on past history, he'll probably delete once he sees I've linked to it):
        http://tv.breitbart.com/msnbc-host-calls-laura-in

        "slobis, Maybe you know the answer to this – which Obama daughter is the older one, Shariah or Malaria? "

        Edit to add: oh, and LimeyLizzie, good job over there; I hadn't read your replies when I first wrote this.

        • fuflans

          you guys are very brave to go over there. i upfisted you both a bit and then had to flee.

        • Fare la Volpe

          You think he's realized yet that "libunatic" is not a particularly clever insult?

          Hell, even "poopyhead" would show better erudition.

          • mavenmaven

            There's not a funny line among his thousands of hateposts, you'd think all that time on this site might rub off, but no.
            I just can't believe he's following over a thousand of us.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Oh, here's another gem:

          "No cabbie in his right mind would pick up a freeloader like Barry."

          Racism: It's justified!

          • SorosBot

            It's hard to find a page in his commenting history that doesn't have both A) overt racism and B) a mention of Wonkette on it. The dude is seriously obsessed and mentally ill.

          • 102415

            She's a such a sad old cunt. She spends hours at this. She could be fucking or watching TV or mowing the lawn. Once in awhile she drags over one of the boys/oldfarts but they don't have her obsession. i did find some funny google on the stowell idiot he is either a stick up his ass shop teacher in NH or a small time criminal in FL take your pick.

          • Fare la Volpe

            You say that like he wasn't one then the other.

          • 102415

            The mug shot was creepy and so was the homework. I just couldn't tell.

    • Geminisunmars

      One of his comments: "Jared Lee Loughner has been cited by people who knew him as a rabid Bush-hating liberal. But of course, libunatics want us to ignore that. "

      So, I'm not the only one driven crazy by Bush. I, however, deal with it by pulling the blankets up over my head (and my bottle of vodka), not by murdering fellow libunatics.

      • SorosBot

        The thing is, the wingnut lie that Loughner is a liberal was based entirely on one quote from someone who went to high school with him and hadn't spoken to him in years; it also was more like "fairly liberal", which our troll has changed to "rabid Bush-hating liberal".

        • Sassomatic

          Which I'm now changing to "bush-hating fairy," just for fun.

        • Geminisunmars

          Well, fairly liberal once upon a time in youth (as reported by classmate) and rabid Bush-hating liberal – what's the diff. Besides, he's a Schizophrenic (as diagnosed by the court yesterday) so clearly has librul tendencies.

          I'm going back to bed now with a fresh bottle.

      • easynewz

        Today we are all libunatics.

    • fuflans

      keeps the little bugger busy. otherwise he might, you know, do something. or vote.

    • SorosBot

      Oh man, I found a particularly insane birther comment from a friend of Spanky:
      http://tv.breitbart.com/bottoming-out-obamas-limo

      He now demands such documents as Obama's baptismal certificate (um, weren't his parents atheists?) and his grade school report cards.

      • Fare la Volpe

        "Where are your papers, boy?"

  • baconzgood

    I would have gone with Paul being oil, or money, or war. All of which Dick worships.

    • Fare la Volpe

      No, those are just his masturbatory aids.

    • zhubajie

      Dick worships many gods but most of all his dick!

  • No disrespect to the Lord of Flies Paul Ryan, but I'm pretty sure that Randy "Macho Man" Savage defeated rapture Jesus: http://gnarcore.com/test/wp-content/uploads/2011/

  • As a politician, Paul Ryan sure makes one hell of an actor…he sort of reminds me of a more famous D-List Actor/GOP icon…

    • Fare la Volpe

      Ahnold? Fred Thompson? Kelsey Grammer?

    • riverside68

      Jon Voight?
      Can't be Chucky Norris, no one ever said he was an actor

      • How dare you! Did Jon Voigh invent Trickle Down Economics? I didn't think so! I'm pretty sure Chuck single-handily ended the Cold War, though…

        • riverside68

          I didn't think David Stockman was an actor . . .

    • tessiee
  • bureaucrap

    Damien II — The Paul Ryan Story

    • OzoneTom

      Indeed, anyone who has a "hazy understanding of Christianity" — presumably based on the biblical record and it's various interpretations is only getting one side of the story.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      I was wonderin' how long it would take to do the Damien comparison…longer than I thought actually but, WIN!

  • SorosBot

    So there is one elderly American has used his dark magics to keep alive, or at least in a state resembling life, while he attempts to kill the rest of them.

  • Weenus299

    Who has Paul Ryan's Baby?

    • memzilla

      Rosemary, of course.

    • baconzgood

      Lee Remick? No wait that wasn't her baby.

    • riverside68

      OH MY GOD, run Megan run, while you still can, you have no idea how close to evil you are!

    • Beowoof

      The police, I think the baby would have been removed for his/her safety from the freak of a father.

    • tessiee

      Bristol?

    • zhubajie

      Bristle

  • BloviateMe

    Jumpin' jeebers. He shoots lawyers in the face, then he worships Ryan.

    I'm so torn on whether to hate or love Cheney.

  • nappyduggs

    Well, hopefully Hitler and Mussolini will rally 'round Oldskool Satan and they can all paint each other hooves or whatever, maybe watch "Beaches", and eat some really, REALLY melted Chunky Monkey. A washed-up fallen angel needs his girls around him in times like these, ya know?

    Also, fuck both of these fucks.

  • Everytime he sees Ryan's power twink face Cheney's heart goes BEEEEP buzzzzz WHIRR

  • hooray4anything

    I think this is pretty easy to explain- no medicare means more dead people and more dead people means more organ donors for Cheney to choose from. And some not just for medical experiments

    • easynewz

      Dick 'Angel of Death' Cheney

    • tessiee

      I understand that their fear makes them taste even better.

  • Sue4466

    Just imagine Cheney's reaction if Paul Ryan shot an old guy in the face after taking away his Medicare.

    • riverside68

      Buckshot ejaculate?

  • God pretty much dropped the ball on ending the world. Doesn't anybody take pride in their work anymore. He probably runs heaven like he runs Earth: With the efficiency of God and the compassion of the Devil.

    • tessiee

      "With the efficiency of God and the compassion of the Devil."

      Very nice. Is that original? It reminds me of JFK's description of Washington:
      "A city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm".

    • zhubajie

      He enjoys laughing at the freak show.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    That Kirk Cameron is so dreamy.

    • user-of-owls

      Copycat!

    • Two hundred and twenty-freakin-four comments on this post and only ONE COMMENT ABOUT KIRK CAMERON?!

      Folks, we are living in a godforsaken world. Or a much-younger demographic.

  • He's the "Behind" in "Left Behind"

    • flamingpdog

      He's right behind the "Right Behind".

  • LowProfileinGA

    I am so very old I worked in his campaign for President, Eugene's, that, is.

    • riverside68

      Get clean for Gene!

  • LabRodent

    If Cheney worships the Devil then the Ground Ryan walks on is pretty fucked up.

    • Geminisunmars

      mmmmmm — ground Ryan. With Becheney sauce.

    • Beowoof

      It must be like walking on hot coals.

    • tessiee

      The floor is lava!

  • freakishlywrong

    Actually, how is this news?

  • Weenus299

    Tip: When Paul Ryan goes down to Georgia, you can beat him with a half-wit fiddle solo.

    • LabRodent

      Fire on the mountain, run boys run.

      • Beowoof

        Yeah those good ole boys better run or the government will give them health care and then where would they be.

  • neiltheblaze

    Don't feel bad – I forgot Eugene was from Minnesota. And look what happened to that state.

    • nounverb911

      Yes, the Humphrey Dome collapsed.

      • riverside68

        There were at least two Humphrey Dome collapses.

  • pinkocommi

    But wait! I thought Cheney was Satan. Now I iz confused.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Satan's all about the self-love, baby.

      • Ducksworthy

        Ayn Rand wrote the Satanic Bible?

    • Could there be a Satanic Trinity? The Father (Cheney), The Son, (Ryan) and who would be The Holy Fuck?

      • tessiee

        Newt, of course.

  • GuanoFaucet

    You know, for some reason I didn't expect the anti-christ to be such a whiny cunt.

  • nounverb911

    Dick Cheney: 'I worship the ground Paul Ryan walks on', I just can’t wait to shoot him in the face.

    • Beowoof

      It was a metaphor. He does want to shoot, just on his face.

  • BerkeleyBear

    If he worships the ground Ryan walks on, I'm terrified to think what he'd do with Ryan's precious bodily fluids.

  • sezme

    You know who else walked on the ground Cheney worships?

    Fucking ground worshippers.

  • mavenmaven

    "Whaddaya think Cheney is paying him? In goat's blood?" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdQ3aXO4gys

  • Ryan went to Miami University. I always figured Satan would have sprung from its lily-white, Zima-addled loins.

    • Which one, the cow-tipping one in Ohio or the coke-snorting one in Florida?

    • zhubajie

      Oh G-d help us! Was he a frat-rat? Which one? One of my more spiritually sensitive friends was convinced that Oxford O was possessed by a demon or something, like one of those town Lovecraft wrote about. He swore an air of evil descended upon him whenever he visited.

  • DaSandman

    Ryan has a heart?

    • Ducksworthy

      But its 2 sizes too small, just like Dick's was. Ergo, a perfect fit.

  • jqheywood

    Okay, this is way OT, but you simply must head over to the Atlantic to see high school yearbook pictures of the Republican candidates. After seeing the Santorum…the horror…the horror….

    Linky thing: http://tinyurl.com/3vawlmv

    • Fare la Volpe

      Sarah Palin got into the Honor Society?

      There must have been a lot of male professors who were very, very satisfied with the job she was doing.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Typo, they shouldn't have put that "n" there in the middle of "Honor". So, "Hoor." Regionalism for you-know-what.

        • riverside68

          "On-her" is actually what the facility advisor said,

      • elviouslyqueer

        Professors? Pfft, this is fucking high school we're talking about. The only thing she excelled at in college was transferring to other institutions.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Sorry girls, but Gary Johnson? GAY.

    • fuflans

      who the hell is fred karger?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Santorum's photo works well if you have roaches under your kitchen sink.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Or if you feel like putting together a Weird Al Yankovic tribute band.

    • tessiee

      Awww, that's so cute!
      Look at Sarah holding a book and pretending like she can read!

    • Negropolis

      Mitt's eyebrows are their own entity.

      Huntsman's photo is hilarious.

      Newt is exactly to be expected, down to the pretentious senior yearbook quote.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Here's how powerful Wonkette is:

    According to Dawkins, I recently made it to de facto atheism.

    Now, suddenly, I believe in the Devil again.

  • MrFizzy

    Like twin dingleberries swinging on asshairs below the U.S. rectum, banging their shitty little heads together.

    • tessiee

      *sigh*
      That's po-fuckin'-etic.

  • Limeylizzie

    Win for the Wookies.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Both left, of course.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Don't forget though, that while FLW was a brilliant architect, his roofs usually leaked, and he was often a real dick in personal relations.

  • Pragmatist2

    How can Paul Ryan be Satan when Dick Cheney already is? Is this one of those mysteries like The Trinity?

  • Apparently, though, he came to his senses towards the end of his life:

    “Ron’s politics, as far as I know, were not shared by anyone he knew, except for the people he knew because of his politics,” Mitchell Silver said. He paused and added, “He told me that he did vote for Barack Obama in the end.”

    http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/16/movies/16silver

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Dick took Paul aside at a party recently and advised him, "Corpses, my boy. Corpses."

  • metamarcisf

    I'm thinking feature film. Gabriel Byrne is perfect for the role of Paul Ryan, Satan's Proxy (see the Schwarzenegger classic "End of Days"). Arnold will play himself, of course, and introducing that nasty bit of fecal matter, Rick Santorum, as the former vice-president. And Kirk Cameron will do a cameo as DSK's weener.

    • Limeylizzie

      Oh not Gabriel Byrne he is too delicious and tortured , can't it be someone else?

      • metamarcisf

        Zach Galifianakis?

        • Limeylizzie

          I was thinking more Peter Lorre and Eugene Pallette as Dick Cheney

          • user-of-owls

            Jack Black?

    • tessiee

      I've always thought that William Hurt would be good casting for Cheney:
      http://www.google.com/search?q=william+hurt&h

  • mrpuma2u

    Hey it's like you are expecting LOGIC or RATIONAL thoughts to occur in Shotgun Dick's head. He is an undead propaganda ghoul, and will say what ever his chthonic demon handlers beam through the Koch bros ouija board.

  • bflrtsplk

    Having spent a fair amount of time in Wisconsin, I have probably walked on a lot of the same ground where Ryan's feet have wandered. Ergo, Cheney worships the ground that I have walked on. That's not something I wanted to know.

  • Limeylizzie

    The mere mention of Dick Cheney and his evil minion of the low hairline has sent our resident downfister into an orgasm of fisting.

    • flamingpdog

      downfister + orgasm? Gotta run to the store and buy more brain bleach.

    • tessiee

      "our resident downfister into an orgasm of fisting"

      Orgasms involving a fist are the only kind he has.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if Ryan blushed and got a pleasant tickling sensation right up there inside his sphincter when he heard this.

  • fuflans

    i just want to know where i can get my free 'israel music' dvd.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I walk on the ground Dick Cheney worships.

  • Kirk Cameron was pretty good in, "Inter-Racial Whole Stretchers #8."

  • genxr

    Little known fact: Jesus did actually return on May 21. Cheney has had him locked in the basement torture chamber ever since.

    • user-of-owls

      Apparition Rendition!!

  • flamingpdog

    And Newtie's a thespian, just like Mary Cheney! Oh, wait ..

  • flamingpdog

    "The other challenging day was on Sept. 11, 2001 when he sat in an underground bunker at the White House watching the tower going down 'knowing that as those towers collapsed literally thousands of people were losing their lives, at that moment, people who were totally innocent, who hadn’t done anything wrong.'"

    Dick Cheney's longest, most intense mutltiple orgasm EVER. The maid prolly got overtime that day.

    • tessiee

      To this day, Rumsfeld and bush still get aches in their hands in cold weather, that's how hard Cheney high-fived them.

  • Beowoof

    He probably has to plug into the big home pump, cause the portable just won't fill that sucker.

  • But why did they spell it "Newton Leroy"?

  • carlgt1

    so all these teabaggers get whisked off to heaven with no clothes? that must be awkward up there….

  • riverside68

    Charles VII?

  • So if Ryan is Satan, Cheney and the rest of the fuckwads are his handmaidens, how does Newt fit in? Is he some kind of apostate sub-devil?

    Sarah Palin is left out entirely–she is just howling on the frozen wasteland, barred from the toasty gates of Hell.

    • user-of-owls

      how does Newt fit in? Is he some kind of apostate sub-devil?

      "Religious tradition holds that repeated intercourse with an incubus or succubus may result in the deterioration of health, or even death."
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incubus

      • Whoa.

        • user-of-owls

          No, Ho.

      • tessiee

        "intercourse with an incubus or succubus"

        OK if they just suck your bust?

    • zhubajie

      Devils are not highly organized or obedient. Newt works for the rival, Be'elzebubba!

    • tessiee

      "So if Ryan is Satan, Cheney and the rest of the fuckwads are his handmaidens, how does Newt fit in? Is he some kind of apostate sub-devil? "

      When sex criminals arrive in Hell, they are greeted by Newt in a garter belt, seamed fishnets, spike heels, and sequined pasties, gloating terrifyingly:
      "SO! Satan tells me that you like sex!"

  • BlueStateLibel

    You know who else Dick Cheney worshipped the ground they walked on?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Vlad the Impaler?

    • Ratko Mladic?

    • SorosBot

      Saddam Hussein before 1990?

    • flamingpdog

      Caligula? Except he can't do it anymore because he might get arrested and handed over to the Hague if he does.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Pol Pot?

    • easynewz

      Il Duce?

  • riverside68

    "We spit on your logic, we don't need no stinkin' logic"
    Republican Party

  • BZ1

    phewwww, reading anything the Dickster has to say makes me want to gargle…

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh please. I wouldn't fuck Kirk Cameron with Willie Aames's dick.

    • yyyaz

      Why am I somewhat disturbed that anyone — especially you, EQ — knows who Willie Aames is?

      • Negropolis

        I know him…from Celebrity Fit Club.

  • Based on the trailer, "Left Behind" is a movie about cars blowing up and people screaming. Just like every other fucking movie.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Hotspur!

  • elviouslyqueer

    and if by "as you would expect" you mean "like a constipated adulterous pedantic shitheel," then yes, absolutely.

  • Fare la Volpe

    That's exactly what I was referencing — oh forget it.

    PISS FIGHT!

    • user-of-owls

      ME-FUCKING-OW, KITTY!

  • HedonismBot

    “I worship the ground that Paul Ryan walks on.”
    Aww. That's cute. Someone has a crush!

  • flamingpdog

    Jealousy doesn't be-hoove him.

  • HedonismBot

    "Paul Ryan is not just a creepy looking errand boy for the Koch Brothers…"
    He looks more like a frat boy date rapist to me.

    • flamingpdog

      Today, we are ALL sorority sisters.

    • user-of-owls

      That would explain the exception clause in his Medicare bill carved out for roofies.

    • tessiee

      The former by day, the latter by night.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    "Newt, I served with Dante Alighieri, I knew Dante Alighieri, Dante Alighieri was a friend of mine. Newt, you're no Dante Alighieri." Shit. Newt's not even the equal of the author of George W's favorite literary work, "The Pet Goat."

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    That screen grab looks like something from Caravaggio. He should be holding a severed head.

    Oh, and that movie sucks something awful. No omnipotent god worth his salt would be caught dead mounting such a cheesy Rapture.

  • smitallica

    I watched that "Left Behind" trailer. And all I kept thinking was "Retards. The people who actually believe this shit are total fucking retards."

  • arcadesproject

    Ryan is spooky no doubt but I still give the oily palm for evil writ on the countenance to Timmeh Geithner. Hunched shoulders, furrowed brow, furtive eyes, he looks just like a wicked homunculus type thing from the depths.

    • tessiee

      He does have a Gollum sort of thing goin' on, doesn't he?

  • If you think that's creepy, how about this bit of clandestine footage featuring Bill Clinton and Paul Ryan that was on the cable news last night?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOrSURZKrcw

    Triangulating, backstabbing, undermining, off-message Son-Of-A-Clinton.

  • HedonismBot

    That movie was obvs made before Obama came along. Otherwise the movie devil would be black and Kenyansocialist.

  • proudgrampa

    Has anyone noticed that the ad for the "Hypnotist" to the right has a picture with the exact same eye angle as Ryan's? Creepy.

    Or subliminal.

    Hmmmm.

  • The producers of the "Atlas Shrugged Movie Part 1" apparently set "Left Behind" as their benchmark.

    Is there now going to be an "Apocalyptic Conspiracy Movie" parody franchise?

    • user-of-owls

      How old is Mel Brooks, anyway?

  • Walkinwiddaking

    Looks more like Ryan Howard's dizygotic twin.

  • ttommyunger

    Mr. Cheney, I know Satan. I served with Satan for many years. Let me tell, you Mr. Cheney, Paul Ryan is no Satan, he wouldn't qualify as a pimple on Satan's ass. Paul Ryan is a clerk, working for a grocer, sent to collect a bill. All the foregoing is stolen from one source or another, but accurate, nonetheless.

  • DustBowlBlues

    I don't have time to fuck around with this shit tonight, but always stop by to see what kind of embarrassing thing some dumb okie did today. Then I read this and need to ask, Satan is from the Cheese State, right? Dee-licous cheese? No wonder it makes me fat. He's from Scott Walker's state–right?

    Because if that's the case, I just need to say that never, ever, did I expect to see Cheeseheads acting as dumb as okies. Stay on this track, and you guys can be as big a national, nay, international (thanks, Inhofe, Sen. from BigOil) joke as we are.

    So, if Walker and Ryan are from the same state, all I can say is: welcome to the club, Wisconsin. Let me introduce to our long time members, Mississippi and Texas.

    • 102415

      "Dee-licous cheese?" How's that diet coming?lol

  • Dashboard_Jesus

    funny I've had that same thought every time I see this fucktard's 'budget bill' mentioned…who died and made this asshole Jesus (I mean…Satan!)

  • Negropolis

    Hey, Wonksy. Great image you composed, there.

  • Negropolis

    I don't know what to believe, anymore. I was under the impression that Cheney, not Ryan, was a manifestation of the Fiend.

    What's with all of these Republican congresscretins with these 70's porn names? Rick Scott, Rick Snyder, Scott Walker, Paul Ryan…

    • easynewz

      Slab Bulkhead
      Ridge Large Meet
      Punch Speedchunk
      Butch Deadlift
      Bold BigFlank
      Splint Chesthair
      Flint Ironstagg
      Bulk VanderHuge
      Thick McRunfast
      Blast Hardcheese
      Buff Drinklots
      Trunk Slamchest
      Fist Rockbone
      Stump Beefnos
      Smash Lampjaw
      Punch Rockgroin
      Buck Plankchest
      Stump Junkman
      Dirk Hardpec
      Rip Steakface
      Slate Slabrock
      Crud Bonemeal
      Rip Slagcheek
      Punch Sideiron
      Gristle McThornbody
      Blake Fistcrunch
      Buff Hardpack
      Bob Johnson
      Blast Thickneck
      Crunch Buttsteak
      Slab Squatthrust
      Monk Beefbroth
      Touch Rustrod
      Rief Blastbody
      Big McLargehuge
      Smoke Manmuscle
      Eat Punchbeef
      Hack Blowfist
      Roll Fizzlebeef

      * with thanks to MST3K

      • tessiee

        This is one of the most awesome MST3K memes EVAH! There is also at least one youtube video with *just* these names:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Vb2U89EJG4

        One of their best movies, right up there with "The Final Sacrifice" and "Devilfish" and whatever that thing is with Joe Don Baker in Malta.

  • Negropolis

    KAH-LEE-MAH!

  • easynewz

    I swear on a stack of FLOTUS vegetables that I didn't see your MST3K reference before I posted my previous comment. Great minds, and all that….

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Cheney is working to bring down Ryan with false praise
    we must beware of the criminal Rove behind the curtain

  • tessiee

    Oh, Good Lord!
    So that rictus-like grimace actually *Is* a smile!

  • ShaveTheWhales

    I hate to say this, but in that one picture Paul Satan actually looks a little bit like Aaron Rodgers.

    **ducks flying cheese**

    (would be an anomaly, of course)

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