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Get a crucifix or something!Here is what Dick Cheney said, in public, about GOP Medicare Murderer Paul Ryan: “I worship the ground that Paul Ryan walks on.” There, done, confirmed: Paul Ryan is not just a creepy looking errand boy for the Koch Brothers, because the Koch Brothers and Dick Cheney and Scott Walker and Eric Cantor and the rest of these amoral corporate devil-worshipers actually worship Paul Ryan, who is the Devil. This is pretty much just like in those Left Behind books … and this might well explain why Jesus did not return as He was scheduled to do last weekend. Paul Ryan/Satan defeated him! Was the Lord Jesus defeated — which in our admittedly hazy understanding of Christianity, is basically impossible? But if Paul Ryan is Satan, which was confirmed by Dick Cheney, who worships Satan, then the Christians have to rise up and defeat Paul Ryan, so Jesus will come back. This is totally making sense now. Let’s see if there’s a trailer for Left Behind: the TV Movie on YouTube, because we have a feeling there will be some instructional material within such a video.

First, though, so nobody thinks we are joshing about this, go read the actual quote in this oil industry newsletter. It’s paragraph 24, and it starts with the quote, “I worship the ground Paul Ryan walks on.”

Ergo, Paul Ryan is El Diablo, and this is exactly (probably?!) what’s in the Bible, or the Book of the End Times.

And now, our Feature Presentation. Watch closely around the :51-:54 part:

Who was that, right when all the good people were getting taken and the unsaved people were freaking out? It was Paul Ryan, his terrifyingly cold face appearing in the darkness. Look:

Here’s the screen grab:

Spooky!
And here’s what he looks like today, as “Paul Ryan,” the thing Dick Cheney worships:

As Jim Newell would say, "GAH!"
O-kay, and we have now officially creeped ourselves out, while trying to make a Dick Cheney/Paul Ryan joke. [Fuel Fix with thanks to chascates]

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