the sperminator

Arnold Aide Says Governator Always Brought Lusty Ladies To Hotel

Oh for god's sake, can you even imagine?Arnold Schwarzenegger didn’t just bang his housekeepers all the time, while he was married to a woman apparently living in the same house. Arnold also had “CHP Dignitary Protection Services” officers deliver hot young club girls to the Hyatt in Sacramento where he lived while governatin’ and fornicatin’. This, according to political journals including the Daily Mail and National Enquirer, happened constantly. Some people just should not be allowed to have free time.

The Daily Mail reports that the California attorney general — who used to be Jerry Brown, but now Jerry Brown is the governator, and we are hoping his whoring days are over — is going to press charges against Arnold for using the bankrupt state’s money and employees and police to hide his liaisons.

‘On three different occasions after the governor arrived alone at the Hyatt regency, CHP Dignitary Protection Services arrived in their official vehicles – black Ford Crown Sedans – about one to two hours later with one or two young female adults.

‘They’d hurriedly escort the women through the service entrance on the second floor parking garage to the elevator that went to the governor’s private wing.

‘The women looked between 18 to 25 years old, blonde and scantily dressed in club wear.’

Ladies, please reconsider the whole “club wear” thing. Because the powerful old guys in the suits who go for that are always going to have a Kennedy Wife at home, and also be banging the housekeepers and anybody else who bends over in the general vicinity. [Daily Mail]

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    1. Oblios_Cap

      “CHP Dignitary Protection Services” officers deliver hot young club girls

      Fish 'n Chips?

  1. Barb

    "Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a lovechild back in 2003. To be fair, Arnold has been taking financial responsibility for the child: education, health care … everything he's taken away from every other child in California." —Craig Ferguson

  2. freakishlywrong

    Speaking of club wear. Were I Maria Shriver, I'd wear a club out on this asshole's bank account. And crotch.

    1. MozakiBlocks

      I saw an article on the FoxNews website ( don't look at me like that) which claimed that it was MARIA herself that leaked the "lovechild" story to the LA Times.

      If true, then I have to give her props, because she burned his bitchass but good.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Not that good. She lied, repeatedly and enthusiastically, to the wary female public of Callyfornica, to get him elected. Why didn't she care about him pawing the boobies of the citizenry back then?

        Oh, I forgot, she's a Kennedy woman. Voting comes first; worry later.

  3. Sophist[Kochblocker]

    Jerry Brown[...]is going to press charges against Arnold for using the bankrupt state’s money and employees and police to hide his liaisons.

    Geeze, what's the point of even being in government if you can't have your flunkies deliver your floozies?

    1. chicken_thief

      Jerry is just pissed that he ain't getting any hawt Linda Ronstadt – like young stuff any more.

    2. deanbooth

      But… but… I thought the official policy was "we must look forward, not backward." Maybe that's just at the federal level.

    1. riverside68

      Does it make me an apologist to see a difference between getting a blow job at the office and having a baby with the home staff?

        1. chicken_thief

          That lady who's tit he was mauling while her hubbie was sick or dying or whatever would probably disagree.

      1. KeepFnThatChicken

        There's the part that never gets talked about in media, and that is how couples who suffer an affair find ways to reconcile it. They could still be married yet live separately, or they could have matured to accept their "unique arrangement."

        Or, in Arnold's case, you fuck everything including the cameraman.

      2. tessiee

        "a difference between getting a blow job at the office and having a baby with the home staff?"

        I had this conversation, or a similar one, more than once during Monicagate.

        I want to make it clear at the outset that I'm not saying it's OK to cheat on one's spouse. What I AM saying is that cheating on one's spouse does not, in and of itself, make a person incapable of doing their job.

        I don't think it's peachy keen that Clinton had extramarital sex. The difference is that it became a scandal for the sole reason that Ken Starr et. al. who had a hate-on for Clinton couldn't overturn his election based on his job performance (Jobs aplenty, budget surplus, etc.), so they used the sex scandal to get him impeached (and spent 40 million dollars of tax money to do it).

        Ah-nuld, by contrast, is already the result of Rs overturning a valid election result, and isn't all that great shakes at his job, either, so IMO the comparison isn't on point for those reasons, rather than the distinction between office staff and house staff.

  4. BloviateMe

    Listen and understand. Arnold’s libido is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are bred.

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    ‘The women looked between 18 to 25 years old, blonde and scantily dressed in club wear.’

    Yes, but were they ugly?

    1. anniegetyerfun

      They had to be, right? I'm trying to fathom that there are hot women between the ages of 18-25 that would want to have sex with that guy. Now, if you said, "Between the ages of 45-67, dressed in ill-fitting culottes and t-shirts featuring rhinestone American flags", I'd be, all, "Yeah, of course."

      1. MasterDebater

        These women exist. I attended the University of Southern California.

        I'm certain that somehwere, at some time, at least one of the Women of Troy has ingested & digested Ahnold's sperm.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      What was that hideous thing someone said yesterday about not looking at the mantle while you're stoking the fire?

    3. tessiee


      Sometimes I look at pictures of myself between the ages of 18 and 25, and after I'm done cringing at the outdated fashions and hairdos, I kick myself for not realize how cute I was then.

      To be ugly when you're 18-25, you actually have to be deformed.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      That movie is old enough that very likely one or more of the early twenties gals he had to his suite were in the movie with him, as kindergarteners.

      1. neiltheblaze

        Totally OT – but what the hell happened to all your penis points? You been visiting Breitbart's place?

  6. meufchelou

    You know, I have a question I've been meaning to ask the downfisters. Do you at least get paid to sit here all day waiting for the next post? Have you unionized yet?

      1. BloviateMe

        Impossible. That would mean they were taking "entitlements" whilst lamenting against them.

        Christ, why don't you just call them hypocrites while you are at it.


        1. horsedreamer_1

          Some say supporting oneself with funds from SSDI while condemning others for doing likewise is hypocrisy. Others suggest that opposition is only doing what makes sense when the defined benefit "is free".

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    Now he's gonna need "Dignity Protection Services," but I think that horse already done left the barn.

  8. KeepFnThatChicken

    At some point, the way things sound, he'll probably blow through that thick stash of money he's hoarded in child support payments. We only know of one child… but the National Enquirer is on the case.

  9. GuyClinch

    You know, there will eventually be a movie franchise starring Arnold, John Edwards, Newt Gingrich, and Clinton. The Ex-spermables. Surely you all can come up with better titles than that. The Outside(of marriage)ers? Come on, help a brother out here.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        But Metallica's used it three times, now. I think, fair use, the filmmakers could the title, again.

    1. tessiee

      Well, they've already used "Wild Hogs" AND "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels", so I got nothin' here.

  10. nonbeliever7

    Power, money, and testosterone. Some guys fuck around, other guys start wars.

    1. Maman

      True dat. but they should have sense enough to make "an arrangement" with the wife first… Open up a revolving 0 interest line of credit in her name… Maybe let her wear slacks when she appears with you in public… that sort of thing. And then you behave DISCRETELY.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      I am of the opinion that all of the men who start wars also fuck around. It's not like they are mutually exclusive activities.

      1. tessiee

        Good point.

        Once you've given the order for your (usually) male poors to go over to some other country and kill people, it's not such a big deal to mosey into the servants' quarters and fuck some (usually) female poors.

  11. Oblios_Cap

    It's too bad they never passed that law making Ah-nuld eligible to run for President. He would have so beaten out Jefferson for the title "Father of the Country".

    1. V572..whatever

      The founding fathers spared us this and a Henry Kissinger presidency. Wise men.

    2. chicken_thief

      If you count white children only. Ol' TJ was known to plow the fields of the house staff, too…

    3. tessiee

      Nah, the birthers would have driven him crazy with a lot of bullshit about his birf surfaticket, and how he can't be Preznit because he's not a Real Amurrkin.

      Oh, wait.

  12. x111e7thst

    As long as I don't have to see Arnold when he puts on the skimpy club wear the young lady has just taken off.

  13. Chillwaver

    Now I wonder…how many lil' bastards you think "The Impregnator" left behind? (and please Wonketeers, no 'All of them, Katie' answers!)

        1. tessiee

          No, the poors that are already here purposely have babbies to bankrupt the good hard workin' folks who pay taxes…

          That is, when they're not purposely having abortions that the good hard workin' folks pay for with their taxes.

  14. horsedreamer_1

    So, does the head of this agency get the Walt Monaghan treatment or the Deborah Jean Palfrey treatment?

  15. Callyson

    Jerry Brown is the governator, and we are hoping his whoring days are over
    Wait–Jerry Brown had whoring days? I know he hooked up with Linda Rondstadt back in the day, but I don't think Governor Moonbeam was a slut. For one thing, he was (and is) too cheap to get a hotel room just to get laid…

    1. anniegetyerfun

      ALL politicians are sluts. Every last one of them. The difference between Republicans and Democrats is that Dems tend to fuck women within the political establishment (be they lobbyists, interns, secretaries).

      Republicans, they like the whores. And maids, I guess?

      1. Jukesgrrl

        And faux nannies who will put them in diapers, all the better to get reelected in Louisiana.

    2. berkeleyfarm

      Well, there was the boyfriend as well. He was live-in, though, so between him and Linda there apparently wasn't a need for room service.

      (Jerry didn't need a hotel room, either; he lived downtown.)

    3. tessiee

      "back in the day, but I don't think Governor Moonbeam was a slut. For one thing, he was (and is) too cheap to get a hotel room just to get laid"

      That was back in the 70s, when people got laid on a blanket under the stars, in the holistic-ness of nature. Hotel rooms were bourgeois, man.

  16. hooray4anything

    Who would think that recalling a sitting Governor and having a special election that lasts only a few months and then voting in a movie actor because he was awesome in "the Terminator" would turn out to be a really bad idea?

    1. SorosBot

      And considering how disastrous the last B-movie actor California elected governor turned out for the nation, they should have learned their lesson.

    2. tessiee

      "Who would think that recalling a sitting Governor and having a special election that lasts only a few months and then voting in a movie actor because he was awesome in "the Terminator" would turn out to be a really bad idea?"

      Anyone who wasn't desperate to overturn a legitimate election result because a Democrat won fair and square?

  17. Buckminster

    What the heck is "club wear?"

    (Sorry, I'm out in the boonies. We don't have "clubs" so much as ordinary old saloons.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      I use to belong to a model airplane club. I just wore jeans and a t-shirt. Sometimes shorts. That's not what they're talking about though, is it?

        1. DashboardBuddha

          Oh yeah…you've never lived until you wound a rubber motor up so tight that that body (fuselage) quivered….or plied a reluctant engine with alcohol (based fuel) until it revved right up.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      Where I live, 11-year-olds are wearing skirts that are frills with no skirt, padded bras, and enough eye-liner to sink a canoe, so I can't even imagine what "club wear" is.

  18. baconzgood

    Why does troll show up to downfist some of our snarkiest comments. These are awsome. Go away troll or I shall taunt you.

  19. horsedreamer_1

    I assume this will merit the same level of pearl-clutching as Paula Jones & Bill Clinton's (alleged) encounter.

  20. CliveWarren

    Imagine the amount of phone calls Arnold has to make to tell all the ladies that he has Aides…

  21. Tundra Grifter

    We've certainly come a long way from the days the President of the United States could swim naked in the White House swimming pool with secretaries nicknamed "Fiddle" and "Faddle."

  22. Lascauxcaveman

    Well, this sort of disproves the old saw that all bodybuilders are totally ghey.

      1. tessiee

        OK, I've only dated one body builder type, so that's really not a statistically significant sample, but…

        Yeah. Like glue stick size.

  23. Goonemeritus

    I’ve got to get me some political office, this engineering degree is not turning out to be the babe magnet I was told it would be.

      1. Goonemeritus

        Mechanical but I did have Cardinal knowledge of the only female chemical engineering student at my school if that helps?

        1. SayItWithWookies

          Only if she was in line to be pope. Otherwise carnal knowledge is immensely preferable.

        2. BaldarTFlagass

          Every single female chem-e I have ever worked with was as crazy as a shithouse rat. Especially the hot ones. Sorry, hot one.

          1. Goonemeritus

            Honestly crazy was on my short list of key desirable personality traits when I was dating at that age.

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      Hang out in the software department, the females are smart and get amazingly lonely. If you don't bore, you can score.

  24. donner_froh

    "Some people just should not be allowed to have free time."

    It could be worse. He might have been filing his time making movies instead of with serial adultery.

  25. bumfug

    "He always said the same thing when we got there – 'Are you Sarah Connor?' – it was kind of creepy."

    1. horsedreamer_1

      How concited. Arnold was trying to bring the Boys from Brazil to life all by himself.

  26. chascates

    Of course your state will 'go in the hole' financially if your governor is too busy with state 'affairs' to pay attention.

  27. GuyClinch

    'I am going
    up and down the stairs, and you're dripping out of me!' So messy!"

    Ah, yes, thanks for reintroducing that quote into my brain. Seems like ages ago, prelapsarian, even.

  28. LiveToServeYa

    He's a regular sex-droid: 'The Banginator'. Though he could probably use a lube job, being an old robot and all.

  29. zappadoo76

    “CHP Dignitary Protection Services"? Do you get promoted to that if you write enough tickets? Or do you have to pass a pimp test? Who designs the test, Iceberg Slim?

  30. SayItWithWookies

    Well if there's one standout in this story, it's Jerry Brown. Fuck deference to previous officeholders, prosecute the motherfuckers when they break the law. Right Mr. President?

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      If only. I'd love to see Barack personally slap the cuffs on Dubya, and cart his stupid ass to Belgium.

      1. tessiee

        Funny how they're STILL bashing Clinton, but the second w was out of office, they were all about not dwelling on the past.

        And by "funny", I mean "disgusting".

  31. zappadoo76

    I don't think they were groupies. I suspect they were professionals, like Arnold.

  32. GeorgiaBurning

    How many of these CHP guys are now working part time as "security consultants" for some Hollywood types? Just wondering..

      1. Negropolis

        Be careful with Maria. Those cheekbones, elbows, knees and hips are a dangerous weapons.

  33. Redhead

    Well, at least they were over 18 and female (and didn't involve roofies or knives or safe words or diapers or bathroom stalls). That's a step up from pretty much every other repugnicant sex scandal.

  34. seppdecker

    Usually a non-closeted Republican hook-up in a hotel room depends on the pol being a repressed religious nut needing to get laid. Schwarzenegger had a Kennedy for chrissake, and still couldn't get enough. That's what Hollywood will do to you.

  35. Guppy06

    Blah blah blah, tired of Arnold. I'm ready to move on to stories of Maria's wild and vindictive sexual romps, where she starts doing all the things she never did for Arnold.

  36. KeepFnThatChicken

    A literalist rationale for his forthcoming book title, Ha! Ha! I Fucked You All.

  37. hooray4anything

    Oh I remember "Grey" Davis but I also remember him being a bit competent and somebody who was so boring they probably never had sex let alone with groupies in hotel rooms while on the job

    1. V572..whatever

      And who wouldn’t confront the prison guards, and who let the Indian casinos build whatever shit they wanted without any environmental review, etc. Arnie wasn’t any better but he wasn’t much worse either.

  38. anniegetyerfun

    What the hell was wrong with Davis? I live in California then, and what I remember is him getting expressly fucked in the ass by Enron.

    1. V572..whatever

      Plus the Indian casinos, prison guards’ unions, etc. Trouble is, even super-hero Arnold was up against the antidemocratic 2/3 majority to pass a budget and Prop 13. No easy solutions, even for him. Thus: a failure.

      1. ShaveTheWhales

        So wait, Davis was a bad guy because of blah blah blah, but Arnie couldn't do anything about the same blah blah blah because of Prop 13, so they were the same? Or what?

        Davis got recalled mostly because of the rolling blackouts, and the vast expense of trying to prevent them, which he blamed on extortionate trickery by Dynergy and other energy companies. He complained to the Feds (that would be W), who blew him off. A couple of years later, after Arnie was in the seat, the Feds finally concluded that, oh gee, those energy companies really had ripped the state off to a fare-thee-well.

        Davis was not, by any means, a terrific governor, but he really got shafted.

        1. V572..whatever

          You are correcter than was I. There’s been so much alcohol consumed since than that many brain cells have died.

  39. mrblifil

    I'd like to think that if I were ever powerful and influential enough to set up sexy times with multiple whores without worrying about the consequences, I'd be smart enough to veto the idea of gorillas in suits and sunglasses driving up in big honking Hummers and bringing the whores to the service entrance. Plus I wouldn't like to run the risk of being "sloppy seconds."

  40. savethispatient

    This is entrapment!
    Arnold said he wanted to be Governor. The press said, "he's a terrible womanizer". But the Californian people voted him in anyway.
    So, now he's been caught womanizing. Arrest the whole Californian voting population for basically forcing poor Arnold into this position!

  41. Mort_Sinclair

    And the other Word of the Day: priapismic adj. Of or pertaining to former California governor Arnold Gropingneggar.

    Do you think he puts that tanning shit on his tackle, too?

  42. Sassomatic

    This kind of thing happens so much anymore it fails to titillate me. Call me though when someone gets caught with crack. I still find that funny.

  43. hagajim

    Vat? Caleefornia has no money….hell get me some whores! Because I like cumming day and night!

  44. pinkocommi

    It would be easier for Ahnold to keep it in his pants if he wore something other than those little body-building speedos.

  45. DrBobNM

    you folks are much funnier and creative than the posters on Breitbart.

    have to drop in more often :-)

  46. emmelemm

    Yes, if you squint at it, you might think it's Dignity Protection Services.

    ETA: That'll teach me to read comments from top to bottom, as this comment has already BEEN MADE. Duhhh.

  47. ttommyunger

    Let him have his fun. Serves Maria right; she had to know he was a horn-dog when she married him, she was no fucking kid, and not without resources. Serves Kalifornians right. What were they thinking they were electing? A Big Screen Action Hero, I'm guessing. Serves Ahnold right. His Steroid atrophied raisinettes and Vienna Sausage prolly don't respond to standard pussy these days. I'm guessing an audible reading of "Mein Kamph" by a nublile beauty or two in Jackboots and nothing else. They deserve each other. Hell, the Red-Staters got hurt by Dubya as much or more as anyone else and they put that motherfucker in office twice. I just call "Karma" and say fuckemall.

  48. HuddledMass

    None of this is shocking. A Kennedy marrying a Republican – THAT was shocking.

  49. Negropolis

    "CHP Dignitary Protection Services"

    Snark off for a second, but why does this always happen? It doesn't matter the state police force, they are always central in helping governors abuse their powers in one way or the other. And, we like to pretend we have these civilized democracies, here. These units become little more than personal militia and detail.

    Same thing happened at the municipal level in Detroit were a special unit assigned to the mayor – one of the few cities that still has this kind of shit – was delivering women to the former mayor and helping him cover his tracks. And, it doesn't seem to be just the men, either. Apparently, Oklahoma's current guv was schtuping a trooper assigned to her. Clearly, these people are our betters.

  50. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    How could Arnold keep what he knows about 911
    secret from the people of California all that time?

    What about the dirty Federal Reserve Secrets?

  51. zappadoo76

    This is Humorist Heaven. Everyone gets to be raptured to their favorite place. Ahnold has been raptured to a Nazi breeding colony.

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