snowbilly rising

Terrifying Egomaniac Reality-TV Lady Considering 2012 Run

RIP America.We told you about her tacky new foreclosure in Arizona that looks like a Panera or maybe a closed-down P.F. Chang’s. We told you about her bonkers Twitter Spokeswoman, who writes awful things on Twitter not only about conservative figures like that one douche from RedState, but also about Palin’s own daughter. And we have probably told you a few thousand other things about the Wasilla Grifter over the many, many years. Now, the New York Times has a front-webpage story sort of resignedly suggesting that Palin may indeed run for the Republican nomination.

Most liberals and Obama supporters are salivating over the endless comedy and guaranteed failure of a Palin campaign, but we don’t know if we could really tolerate a whole year of the Snowbilly’s antics in the context of an actual campaign year. Couldn’t she, like, go away, forever, and count her money in peace? No, of course not. Sarah Palin is Narcissus combined with Medusa and Jessica Wakefield and that scary cyborg queen in the Captain EO movie. (Have you seen that? It’s been playing nonstop at Disneyland since Michael Jackson died! People in the eighties were amazing.)

The tea party people keep mumbling “Reagan Reagan” when there’s talk of Palin running for president, and we admit to not being scholars on the whole Ronald Reagan phenomenon, other than knowing from actual recorded history that he wasn’t all that popular through most of his presidency, and that he left office as a disgraced out-of-touch old man who either did a lot of terrible things or let others under his command do a lot of terrible things, because he was too busy dreaming about a movie magazine from 1957 or perhaps thinking about how he could stop welfare queen black ladies from getting a new Cadillac every year, along with a million dollars, from their welfare checks. But, was he a national joke when he ran for president, either for the 1976 GOP primary or the 1980 election he won? Maybe he was. Maybe we are doomed to have Sarah Palin as president of America.

It would be a fitting end to a country that has seemingly lost its ability to do anything. We are so moving to Paris or Shanghai, forever. [New York Times]

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          1. horsedreamer_1

            Star Trek slash-fiction or Back to Africa erotica?

            (We know it's not Reading Rainbow, since Palins don't read.)

          2. Lascauxcaveman

            Did Geordie ever go up against the Borg queen? That would somehow be analogous to this situation.

      1. DaRooster

        Barb, I didn't realize you are (stereotypical 1950s TV/movie) Japanese… Oh… yeah she'll quit then too… sorry.

    1. Arken

      I always pictured her, rather than screaming, just saying, "oh, you betcha!" during orgasm.

    2. Crank_Tango

      whatever she shrieks in bed, it has whales beaching themselves thousands of miles away, and bats falling out of the sky.

    3. DashboardBuddha

      Can such a hard faced ice-queen even have an orgasm? I'm pretty sure Cruella Deville can't.

    4. CapnFatback

      I scream out "Pizza! Pizza!" but that's only because whenever I have sex, I'm dressed as the Little Cesar's mascot.

    5. billyforan

      I doubt very much it you will ever find out, you have to let go of your own choked chicken before you can find a lady to help you with your virginity.

  1. SorosBot

    My only fear of a Palin run would be having to hear that horrible, horrible voice on the TV. But reading about her many constant failures and her worshipers' ridiculous defenses and claims that we're afraid of her instead of laughing at her.

      1. freakishlywrong

        Dubya should have ruined the party forever. Cryin' Ryan should ruin the party forever. They're zombies, I'm convinced.

        1. Nothingisamiss

          No fucking shit. As has been said many times here….how low can they go? Well, farther than we fucking thought.

      2. CapeClod

        Larry Sabato said that if Palin is the Republican nominee then their 2012 platform will be the longest suicide note in history.

        1. PostApocalypse

          I wish I felt confident rolling the dice on that, but I think all this supposed tension between the GOP and the Tea Party is bullshit. The "Tea Party" is just a cynically manufactured party make-over to bury the abject failure of Bushco. They are all in on it.

      3. AJW@[redacted]

        The same was said about the shrub, until in 2010 when everyone remembered he was white, after all, and therefore not so bad.

        1. Nothingisamiss

          There's the real truth/fear. The only person who couldn't win against Obama so far is Herman Cain. Even Newt is a big fat WHITE guy, when all's said and done. These people would have voted Trump!

        1. chicken_thief

          Better living through modern science – thank you Medicare for covering Viagra!!!

          1. easynewz

            That reminds me of a joke:

            Why do they give Viagra to all the men in nursing homes?

            It keeps them from rolling out of bed at night.

    1. prommie

      To be scary, when she says that, its a dog-whistle to the fundamentalists, she is saying that God wants her to win.

      1. zhubajie

        Bush said the same thing. He just couldn't deliver the Rapture, the Second Coming.

    1. Troubledog

      -admitting I am old and was alive long ago

      I don't remember anyone at the time talking about how Reagan was a great president. There was this sort of detached sense of a funny charming guy being the leader. He was masterful with the one liners, groundbreaking work in soundbite design.

      I would imagine that California felt the same way about Arnold in the wake of Gray Davis. Wow, we have a charming and good looking leader now, so everything will be fine. I think we liked having Ronnie as our spokesman but didn't expect much in the way of governance.

      1. LowProfileinGA

        "we have a charming and good looking leader now," but he's black and always will be. And I'm in the old club also.

      2. tessiee

        Yes, there was a definite sense of, "Aw, he's old and you can't expect too much of him, leave the nice old guy alone", which I think started our long and embarrassing history of not holding Republicans accountable for their actions.

    1. Negropolis

      I would love for Oprah to run. We'd all get new cars, have a Secretary of Spirituality and a Better You, and live life in a perpetual soft focus…

  2. Cicada

    God Sarah, quit being such a cock tease. Take some lessons from Bristol and put out already.

  3. memzilla

    Her candidacy would be worth it for the 18 months of steady comedy we would get from Tina Fey.

    1. Crank_Tango

      tina fey needs to worry about 30 rock–this past season was like a puddle of gingrich.

    2. fuflans

      if sarah's looks get heading south (along with her homestead), Fred Armisen's going to have to play her as well as bams.

    3. flamingpdog

      On the down side, if sweet Sara B. gets steady Palin work for the next 18 months, we may have to wait a long time for her next love beating of Wonketeers.

  4. johnnymeatworth

    Now all she needs to do is choose a campaign song to play at her rallies without securing the rights so the performer can sue her.

    1. DaRooster

      I think the only songs any of them will get the rights to will be Ted Nugent… tunes(?).

        1. DaRooster

          Every time I think of her I hear-
          "Got you in a stranglehold baby…" and she's kinda makin' that face up there /

      1. DaRooster

        Now, I'm a jet fuel genius I can solve the world's problems
        Without even trying
        I have dozens of friends and the fun never ends
        That is, as long as I'm buying
        Is it any wonder I'm not the president
        Is it any wonder I'm null and void?
        -Styx (for Baconz)

    2. Eve8Apples

      I recommend "Take This Job and Shove It" by Johnny Paycheck or "I Don't Want to Work I Want to Bang on the Drum All Day" by Todd Rundgren.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          And if Bristol hops back on the campaign bus, they'd have to play "Crew Slut" at least once in her honor.

      1. johnnymeatworth

        Actually, I would hope that if FZ were alive today he would be performing a slightly adapted piece called "The Wasilla Enema Bandit."

    3. tessiee

      It's the End of the World as we Know it.

      That was a general comment, but the song would be good, too.

  5. finallyhappy

    I look forward to the GOP/teabaggers tearing each other apart. I'm looking forward to Charlie K saying something positive about Snowbilly. I will not watch any televised debates or news with her on it and will try to avoid the almost unavoidable soundbites on radio.

    And If this moronic media whore does run and anyone asks me if I will vote for her(because she is a woman), look forward to actual physical violence by me instead of mere shock and an angry vocal putdown of the moron who asked me the question.

    1. DaRooster

      I find I rather enjoy the "angry vocal putdown" while commencing in the "actual physical violence"… It's kinda like background music.

    2. MadBrahms

      The proper riposte is "I don't know, will you vote for her because she's a moron?"

      …then give them a minute to think about it. Or a few minutes. Maybe make a sandwich.

  6. DaRooster

    "Maybe we are doomed to have Sarah Palin as president of America."

    How dare you Junior! Why I oughta…

    (Fuckin' scary)

    1. Barb

      I have this "spider sense" that there are a few old prescription bottles in her childhood medicine cabinet that are written in Canadian.

    2. ShaveTheWhales

      The fucking e-mails are still not out, are they? What an amazingly responsive government they got in AK.

  7. neiltheblaze

    Uh-huh Can't wait for her first press conference. Oh right – she doesn't do those.

    1. freakishlywrong

      She'll twat her announcement and "interview" on Faux, and answer questions via Facebook.

    2. mrpuma2u

      How many network interviews that aren't fuxsticks news will she turn down?
      "All of 'em, Katie!" *winks*

  8. FannyBurney

    That movie about her will be the only one in cinematic history that ends at the intermission.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      The Breitbart Edit of Schindler's List ends with Oskar Schindler happily agreeing to use concentration camp inmates as slave labor in his factory.

    1. Steverino247

      I Am Incurious–Really

      Or a cross between Battlefield: Earth and Plan Nine From Outer Space. It'll be one of those flicks that's so bad, it's good.

      1. SorosBot

        Between Palin's movie and Atlas Shrugs, the Razzies already have two years' worth of material.

        1. ChessieNefercat

          Razzie Lifetime Achievement Medal. She's stupid enough to show up to accept it from the presenter, French President Sarkozy.

  9. donner_froh

    "We are so moving to Paris or Shanghai, forever."

    Wonkette, Jr. there are lots of great reasons to move to the City of Light or the Queen of the Orient but Sarah Palin running for president isn't one of them.

    If she won the Rethug nomination Obama would win the general election by 18 million votes. Running in the primaries would force everyone else to the right so whoever won, if not her, would be unelectable.

    More importantly it would be a lot of fun to watch the bitch implode in real time.

    1. BlueMonkeh

      You know, that's my first reaction.


      W was re-elected in 2004. Even against the giant walking douchebag Kerry I didn't think it could happen.

      Never underestimate the stupidity of the duhMerkun voting populace, or the avarice of the lowlifes that count the votes or the talking heads that handicap the race or give us the results.

    2. tessiee

      "it would be a lot of fun to watch the bitch implode in real time"

      This should be posted daily in all threads.

  10. freakishlywrong

    Go and get your stuffed monkeys now, bitches are going to be SOLD OUT when this asshole takes her hateful, shrill shtick back on the road.

  11. Goonemeritus

    A more dedicated self promoter than Trump and less of a grasp on reality than Bachmann. How can she loose.

    1. tessiee

      She's not, actually.
      "Bitch" is too honorable to describe her.
      "Skank" or "cunt" is more fitting.

  12. Chillwaver

    I'm not falling for this one. Every time there is a speculative headline about Tundra Twat "considering the possibility of perhaps running but haven't made up my mind yet," both her ego and bank account grow exponentially while we all argue like idiots (even though we know she won't run).

  13. Grief_Lessons

    A Sarah Palin candidacy is like one of those huge meteors that periodically come within two million miles of the earth. The likelihood of causing real damage is slight, but if it ever actually connected it would portend the end of civilization.

      1. AJW@[redacted]

        But only if it can be done with the sound muted. Her voice literally causes my ears to bleed.

  14. KeepFnThatChicken

    Still, supporters of Ms. Palin say that her constituency beyond the Beltway remains eager, and aides and associates have said she is receptive to their calls of "Run, Sarah, run."

    And "Sarah Palin's comin' south to hunt some skunk"

    and "I only am afraid for all the media hurt that will be foisted upon you and your family"

    and "Palin/Cain 2012…an unbeatable partnership"

    and "i would gladly donate my whole paycheck for a month to you Sarah if you run for pres in 2012"

    No, seriously, people are saying all this shit right now, live.

    1. freakishlywrong

      From FB:
      Obama pubicly ridiculed the Supreme Court. Obama publicly ridiculed Paul Ryan. Obama tried to publicy ridicule Bibi Netanyahu. Obama travels oveseas and publicly ridcules the country by bowing to foreigners.

      Now it's our time to speak….
      When have these ignorant fucks ever shut up?

      1. KeepFnThatChicken

        Funny you mention that. I have a conservative co-worker. He will not vote Democrat or liberal, ever. We've had discussions about policy, and he at least accedes that some morality issues are better served by caregiving, compassionate people… and that they are most often liberal. He will at least admit that. But get him to vote that way? Oh, fuck no.

        But you bring up something wholly embarrasing — like a half-mil credit line for worldly goods, possessed by a Republican frontrunner — and his chickenshit line becomes "I don't trust any of 'em anymore," or "both sides can get pretty ugly," or "Vote 'em all out."

        That just makes me pee steam. "Admit your candidate is a human turd, goddammit! ADMIT IT!!"

      2. tessiee

        "Obama travels oveseas and publicly ridcules the country by bowing to foreigners."

        Unlike his efficient predecessor, who could humiliate the country without ever leaving his fake-ass ranch in Crawford.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      "Sarah Palin's comin' south to hunt some skunk"

      I can just see the NY Post's headline: "SKANK SNUFFS SKUNK!!"

    3. tessiee

      "Palin/Cain 2012…an unbeatable partnership"

      Cain should run with McCain, just to confuse all the dumb-asses who would consider voting for either of them.

    4. zhubajie

      She needs one of those Pentecostal ministries where the faithful give her 1/10 their minimum wage income in exchange for promises of health and wealth, pie in the sky, bye and bye.

    5. LowProfileinGA

      "Black Lancelot:

      "Sarah my dear, you are brilliant. Yesterday you douse the lame stream media with gasoline and lit the match. Now all we have to is set back and enjoy the burn. Damn, is this going to be fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      Kennethy Lowery
      ——— laughted too much ….love it !!! ——– She is a Genius !"

      Warm image, is it not?

  15. Boredw/Gravitas

    Sarah won't make it past primary season, but that should give us plenty of laffs.

      1. genxr

        Hearing this news, I can't help thinking I should go buy her book so I can have an informed opinion.

  16. prommie

    Junior, just FYI, though Reagan was a monster, and out of touch, and all the things you said, no, there is no comparison, no analogy between Reagan prior to 1980 and Palin now. Hell, there is little comparison between the GOP then, and now. The southern confederates and the born-again fundamentalists had not yet taken over the Republican party. Palin is far more of a joke than Reagan ever was.

      1. prommie

        I'd say it was Bush I and Clinton, whose presidencies were indistinguishable. Reagan cut taxes on the rich and deregulated, meh. Bush I and Clinton ceded sovereignty to the multinational corporations in the guise of "free trade," destroyed our manufacturing, exported alllllll the working class jobs, squeezed the middle class to extinction, and presided over the creation of an economy based on financial speculation (disguised in complicated derivative instruments) rather than investment of capital in productive enterprises. Clinton, worse than Bush because he was in charge for 8 years of this.

    1. Pres[ $ rm -r * ]

      Sorry, but I have to disagree. True, the GOP had many intelligent moderates in its ranks back then, like Pete du Pont, etc., but Reagan won in two ways: by expanding on Nixon's Southern Strategy and through two Hollywood-style campaigns which made people feel good about voting for him while offering little in substance. At its heart, though, Reagan's presidency was all about making his voters afraid of The Other, whether The Other was a "welfare queen" or the Soviets. Yeah, I know, he plastered the fuck out of Mondale in 1984 and won 49 states, but that wasn't exactly unexpected. Reagan in 1984 was like McGovern in 1972, running as a perceived Left-Leaning Liberal Democrat against a hugely popular scary conservative president.

      I guess my point is, as I reach for my next beer, that Goldwater built the base of the Great Pyramid of GOP, Nixon built the sides, and Reagan built the capstone, all of which have allowed Palin to occupy the creepy Pharoah's Tomb/mummy chamber/embalmed organs inside it.

    2. Troubledog

      I entirely agree with this in every way possible. The Ayn Rand crowd united behind Ronnie with typical "supply side" results including defunded entitlements (release the crazies!), union busting (fire the air traffic controllers!), and SDI / missles on underground train cars / 600 ship Navy (more defense capital spending) . This was not remarkable.

      It became remarkable when Rove finished the story by bringing the right to lifers and evangelicals into the tent and crafting a message that made it palatable for them to be exploited by and be footsoldiers for the Rand-ites in exchange for saving the unborn, etc.

      1. genxr

        Putting MX Missiles on railroad cars was a stroke of genius. Since the Soviets couldn't know which cities our missiles were in at any given time, their only option would be to destroy them all!

    3. Doktor Zoom

      I suppose it would be more accurate to say that the Reagan crew began the process of fully integrating the "southern confederates and the born-again fundamentalists" into the Republican party, and then W's team completed it. After all, the Moral Majority/Christian Coalition types got their first taste of political power in the 80's, and they found they really, really liked it.

    4. zhubajie

      Sarah is Bush in a dress. If he could win, she can win. Anyway, it's our destiny; the Giant Octopus told me so!

    5. ShaveTheWhales

      prommie, Reagan — or his puppeteers — was the start of all the shit we currently live with. During his terms, the whole notion of social or environmental well-being was downgraded from an important role of government to a hobby. The reason that the Clinton terms were so Repo-lite (give or take Monica) was that it was the only way that the Reagan virus could be slowed up at all.

      Ronnie himself was an audio-animatronic stooge. Seriously, by the middle of his second term, the Alzheimer's was pretty obvious. But he had for some time just been the willing front man for terrible people. Those of us who lived in California had a preview. And a majority still voted for the schmuck.

      When you assert that the real problems occurred during GHWB or Clinton, you're ignoring the distance that the goalposts had been moved during Ron-boy's reign. Perhaps you know of the Jobs Reality Distortion Field. It's undeniably strong, but it generally only applies during MacWorld conferences. The Reagan Sincerity Distortion Field affected a majority of US voters for eight fucking years. He was sincere about everything, even things where it was easy to show that he was completely wrong. My fellow Amurkins chose sincerity over truth.

      Believe what you want. It doesn't matter. But I lived though it, so I'll believe that Ronnie was the maximum of shit.

  17. JoshuaNorton

    Maybe her new movie – what's it called? "Also Too: Electric Boogaloo"? "Mentl"? – will give her the ooomph she needs to carry the day.

    Bless their little hearts, they try so hard.

  18. DemmeFatale

    Aw, just when her star was fading!
    Can't we just have Trump or Bachmann to bring the crazy?

        1. MadBrahms

          Reagan, dead? No, m'am. Not dead the way you know it. He is with us always. Not dead the way y-you know it.

  19. SorosBot

    Florida is better than Orange County, the worst county in the entire country. And Disneyland only has the Magic Kingdom, that's it, no equivalent of the other resorts.

    1. Arken

      OC gets more and more democratic every year. It's really not all that bad anymore. It's a hell of a lot better than several counties in Arizona.

      Also, Disneyland doesn't just have the Magic Kingdom, it also has the far more entertaining California Adventure which has a bunch of great stuff.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Anaheim is wall-to-wall Mexicans, living in smallish ranch houses last I checked. So yeah, those people aren't voting Republican.

        And the California Adventure part of the park is definitely a great addition. We went there a year or so after it opened, and practically had the place to ourselves. Off-season makes a trip to Disneyland almost bearable.

      2. AJW@[redacted]

        I think that's because so many OC residents are getting old and retiring to Nye County in Nevaduh. Your loss is my loss.
        No, wait…

    2. Oblios_Cap

      Orlando is in Onange County, aka MouseLand, FL. Isn't it amazing how Disney chose the two worst counties in America and they both had the same name?

      1. Rosie_Scenario

        Disney is in Osceola County. Next to Orange County. I live in Seminole County. Fun fact: Orange County, FL was originally named "Mosquito County." Accurate, but not so good for tourism so it was changed to "Orange" and now most of the groves have been replaced by sub-divisions. New name? "Oxycontin County?"

    3. Cicada

      Florida smells like mildew and Ben Gay. Plus, the state sport is marinating in your own urine.

      I have to admit that my heart isn't in this. I hate Disneyland and Disneyworld. They're both money sieves that are tacky and depressing. Also, picking on Florida is a little like mocking a two year-old for not doing well in calculus. Poor little guy never had a chance.

      1. SorosBot

        True; the state already looks like a dick, it was doomed from the beginning. No wonder the Tampa Bay Devil Rays had a half-empty stadium even when they were in the fucking World Series.

        1. BlueMonkeh

          they'll always be the DEVIL rays to me

          i refuse to let the jeebus freaks ruin a perfectly good team name

    4. DemmeFatale

      No, Florida has The Villages. Mom lives there, and we visited her.
      Ugh!! I call it Glenn Beckistan.
      Manicured within an inch of its life, and over-run by incompetent drivers in golf carts. (Not to mention the idiots driving real cars.)

      1. AutomaticPilot

        That place is super creepy. The only person of color that I ever saw there was the guy who mops the floor at Johnny Rocket's. I'm sure that's just how they like it, too.

      2. Doktor Zoom

        Also, anyone attempting to escape The Villages is bubbled to near-death by Rover.

  20. donner_froh

    On second thought–even with a spectacular orgy of self-destruction that ends in the smoking crater of Sarah Palin's career, 18 months of hearing that whine that sounds like a buzz-saw hitting a knot would be too much to deal with.

  21. Limeylizzie

    OT they just struck down the WI Collective Bargaining Law, but mainly because of the way they rushed it through.

    1. freakishlywrong

      They're wingers beholden to Kochs. They'll do something equally or more awful. People must suffer.

      1. HistoriCat

        People? Suffer? That's terrible! That – oh, you meant the little people didn't you? Eh – screw them.

  22. VespulaMaculata

    Honest show of hands. Who'd pay a hundred bucks or more to witness her trip and fall face first into a steaming, fly-covered pile of soft dog shit?

    1. Barb

      I wouldn't donate a cent to her. She has an endless base of people who would send money to her and she doesn't need my money.

      I believe she's going to tease people into a frenzy, fatten up her bank account and then use the money to continue on her reign of terror.

      Sarah hates to lose. She can't let anything said about her or her family go without a stupid reply. She's obsessed with what people say about her and she would be so distracted that she couldn't keep focus long enough to survive the campaign.

      1. SorosBot

        Hell, her movie starts with her attacking comedians for mocking her:

        "To convey Bannon's view of the pathology behind Palin-hatred, the film begins with a fast-paced sequence of clips showing some of the prominent celebrities who have used sexist, derogatory and generally vicious language to describe her.

        Rosie O'Donnell, Matt Damon, Bill Maher, David Letterman, and Howard Stern all have brief cameos before comedian Louis C.K. goes off on a particularly ugly anti-Palin riff."

        1. tessiee

          "comedian Louis C.K. goes off on a particularly ugly anti-Palin riff"

          Annnnddd, I'm off to youtube.

    2. chicken_thief

      I ain't into parting with my hard earned dinero that easily, but I would volunteer to be the one who trips her.

  23. cheaphits

    Suppose Newt wants to be close to the Prez bad enough to get the Dixie Mafia to snuff the Toddster and make her number IV?

    How much is left on that Tiffany credit line? That might be a start, fir 500K in whore/blood diamonds Sarah might be had.

  24. Redhead

    She'll run for president (really, you expect an attention-whore to turn away attention?) Then quit just after the election (regardless of the results) to whine on her Faux News TV show about how the librul lamestream media stole the election from her with their vicious reporting of the truth.

  25. CapeClod

    I had not seen that picture of her before. That's definately the one that goes on the $3.00 bill when she gets elected.

  26. ManchuCandidate

    Run Sarah Run. This 2012 campaign will be the funeral pyre of all the pretenders. Hopefully (yeah, sure) this will ruin many a media career and we won't see any or hear any of these dipshits until some stupid cable channel does a "Where Are They Now?" or "Behind the Politics."

    1. FidoMcCokefiend

      Palin/Bachmann 2012 – We're gonna be scissoring!

      Spending. Scissoring spending!

  27. Weenus299

    Maybe she'll set a precedent and be a candidate/assassin. If that happens, God help me those campaign signs would be worth millions and millions of Soetros.

  28. metamarcisf

    Why not consider a move to Albuquerque, known world-wide as the "City of Rimjobs"?

    1. tessiee

      Does that have something to do with the fact that Bugs Bunny always misses the left turn there?

    2. zhubajie

      The main thing I've of Al. is that you can get stabbed walking across the street.

    1. Barb

      Yeah, one will be way bigger than the other once she quits halfway through the operation.

  29. timbo71351

    I can't imagine her doing the things you need to do to be a presidential candidate — like participate in endless debates and talk to reporters, not just Fox News.

  30. CapeClod

    “People are looking for somebody, a Ronald Reagan reincarnate, who does not seem to be out there yet.”

    It wasn't Bush and it won't be Palin. Ronald Reagan effectively destroyed the Rebuplican Party by making it's members fetishize their dim memories of him.

  31. James Michael Curley

    That face is a nightmare. It's one picture that would have repulsed Diane Arbus.

  32. horsedreamer_1

    & read Sweet Valley High books. Prolly not even a gay male would read those.

    So, figure, thirtyish West Coast female…. Wait! It is Meg Mc Cain, isn't it?

  33. GeneralLerong

    I hope she "runs" [insert image of verbal diarrhea here] until all the palinbots have contributed their last dime and are totally tapped out. Am guessing a pic of $arah in a bathing suit [with Trig in cute little goggles] will be sufficient to cause a money avalanche right into her bank account

    Then they'll have to go on "welfare"! Or go begging to their church congregation.

    Seriously, the way the wingers whine about anybody else being on "welfare," you just have to guess that they're in the 80's IRL as well as mentally. Because of course it's obvious to all but the mentally arthritic that today's "welfare" queens driving big black swank cars are all employed in the financial industry. They have swell mansions, too. Also.

  34. Steverino247

    I have to report seeing a van with Nevada plates that read "GOPALIN" yesterday afternoon. No time to call a Predator strike, sorry guys.

  35. notreelyhelping

    Pay attention to her running mate, because there's no way she'll stick with it through four years.

  36. thefrontpage

    Here's the cold, hard reality: Sarah Palin is an uneducated, ignorant, inexperienced, moronic, idiotic, clueless, dumb and stupid nitwit redneck far-right wingnut teabagger who is unworthy of holding any political office, including director of any agency, mayor, governor, vice president, or president. She has zero knowledge, experience or education–and does not know anything about—the economy, finance, banking, insurance, defense, public safety, homeland security, justice, law, education, transportation, commerce, trade, labor, agriculture, farming, the environment, science, energy, infrastructure, administration, management, journalism, literature, government and politics, civics issues, social issues, health and human services, housing, economic development, urban development, growth, development, or myriad other important issues. She is a complete moron. She has no business running for a political office, and she has no business holding a political office. She barely even qualifies as a reality television celebrity.

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      But she's great for making Republicans fantasize about sex. In theory, she could be the Face that Launched A Thousand Viagra Ads for Republican Donors.

    2. elviouslyqueer

      Shorter frontpage: Unqualified cuntbag is unqualified.

      You're welcome, also.

    3. GeorgiaBurning

      All that said, she was a competent crew member on a salmon boat. This could explain why she is comfortable with scaly things that smell bad after they sit out in the sun.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        This could explain why she is comfortable with scaly things that smell bad after they sit out in the sun.

        But enough about Todd's taint.

    4. tessiee

      Agreed in every particular.

      It must be said, however, that her particular combination of
      a) almost supernatural total incompetence at doing the simplest task or answering the simplest question,
      b) slavering after any sort of attention, and
      c) kindergarten-style spoiled brat tantrums at actually getting anything but the most fawning attention
      really do make her the perfect target for mockery and schaedenfreude.

      It never fails:
      She invariably and spectacularly fucks up everything she tries, falls loudly on her overrated multiparous ass, and then, in case anyone missed it, compounds her public humiliation by pitching a shit-fit.
      If she ever gave a concert, the entire audience would drop dead of ebola, the piano would burst into flames, and we'd all have to listen to Silly Sarah being a crybaby sore loser yet again about the whole thing.

    5. zhubajie

      In other words, not much different from all the other Rep candidates and office-holders!

  37. horsedreamer_1

    She's going to drag this out 'til Labour Day, making money from dinners & speeches, ostensibly for her exploratory committee, all thru summer. Then, on that first Monday in September, she'll go on FOX News with Chris Wallace, for a Lebron/Decision style programme, on which she will announce her candidacy… Or lack thereof. (It will be the second.) She will quote Sherman — "If nominated, I will not run; if elected, I will not serve" — & suggest she can do more service to her country as a private citizen, in the private sector ("keeping true to Tea Party principals of 'limited government'"/"Christian charity"). It will be a bonanza.

  38. horsedreamer_1

    Removed from the political scene, she will repair to her Panera F. Chang Estate, to write a book. It will launch on July 4, 2012, with prescriptions for America's future. She will have a short signing tour for it, culminating in October 2012, then retire from politics, wiling away her time by the pool in 'Zona, her substantial income of the previous four years managed expertly by Ziegler (or some such wealth-manager). She will pop up periodically, say, when cap n' trade finally gets an up or down vote, on cable news, to opine, but otherwise, she will keep quiet & count her money. (She doesn't really know to do anything but.)

    She will be the female Perot.

    1. jqheywood

      nah…She's no Perot. Crazy whackjob that he is, he at least accomplished something tangible in private life. He founded and built up EDS and then Perot Systems, which is a whole hell of a lot more than the grifter from Wasilla!

  39. Sassomatic

    I want to see her try to personally take credit for killing Osama bin Laden. I know she will find a way.

    1. Peace in our time

      "I want to see her try to personally take credit for killing Osama bin Laden."

      I thought Obama beat bin Laden to death with his well-earned Nobel Peace Prize.

  40. metamarcisf

    What's the name of that Burger Place that serves beer? I'm going over that way at lunch time

    1. Barb

      Five Star Burgers. I should walk in and start eating fries off your plate and freak you out.

  41. ChessieNefercat

    I posted this elsewhere. I just don't have any snark in me when it comes to that evil skank running for president.

    I do not want that hateful witch to run at all. I keep reading about what “fun” it will be. So much comedy material! Aside from the fact that I think it is beneath the dignity of both President Obama and the Office of the President to waste one moment of his or our nation’s time “debating” that brainless twatwaffle as though they are equals on any level, just think of the last election.

    Now imagine the upcoming presidential campaign and the insane homicidal rage she will whip up in her deranged cult followers toward President Obama and his family. The same hateful people who could not abide the idea that a black man could be president have had over two years to stoke their rage, egged on by that hateful, horrible harpy.

    As far as she is concerned, he stole the last election from her (yes, her, not McCain) and she is going to take back what was rightfully hers to start with. Go back and look at the footage of her on election night after the loss. Any losing candidate looks the same; disappointed, frustrated, angry, tired, accepting, perhaps relieved. What they do not look is shocked. Except Palin. She never thought she would lose and I don’t believe she has ever accepted or internalized the loss. She may well believe that if anything would happen to the opposing candidate during the campaign, that she would automatically become president.

    I strongly believe that if that monster gets anywhere near actually running, that alone will cause great harm to our country, damage the integrity and safety of our election processes and vastly increase the danger to our president.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      If you submitted this to the WaPo "America's Next Top Pundit" contest, they'd prolly ask the FBI to surveil you. How dare you be so unhinged!

    2. Barb

      When I read that she said "this is God's will" (that she be elected) it sent a shiver down my spine.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        W said the same thing of the SCOTUS decision to put him in the White House.

      2. SorosBot

        But I thought Michele Bachmann said god wanted her to win. Which insane harpy's side is the old magic man on?

        1. ChessieNefercat

          He said he wanted her to climb in a bin. (To stop her din? To drink some gin? To commit a sin?)

        2. zhubajie

          Multiple gods! War in Heaven! Rival trickster gods promoting rival Republifool females!

    3. GeneralLerong

      She hates old, rich, snobby Republicans [cf Frank Bailey's book]. Ironic, ain't it?

      So she's gonna run, but will the GOP actually be able to nominate her, now that they realize she's a moron, a psycho, and a quitter?

      Betting on a Teabagger third-party run.

    4. 4tehlulz_lite

      Cosigned x 1000
      Also, I'm convinced that if she runs, one of her faithful supporters will try to ice Obama to help her candidacy along.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        That is my concern. I wonder what the SS thinks of her running? And I hope their budget goes way up.

    5. tessiee

      I agree with every word you've posted here.

      She's like an evil baby.

      There's more than one Loughner out there who will be only too happy to do her dirty work for her so that she can smirk and pretend to be shocked.

  42. flamingpdog

    “I want to make sure that we have a candidate out there with Tea Party principles,” she told the Fox News Channel host Sean Hannity last week.

    What is this strange Tea Party "principles" she speaks of? Soundz like an oxy-moran.

  43. Ken Cuccinelli

    Well I had to look up the "Jessica Wakefield" reference, and based on that I'm pretty sure Wonkette Junior is a girl.

    1. SorosBot

      Yeah, now that I looked it up that book series rules out the gay man possibility.

  44. carlgt1

    my prediction is an AZ senate run for some phony "experience" – then she'll run as a "qualified" prez candidate in 2016. she knows Obama will smoke every Repug in 2012.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      You betcha!

      1. Walnuts is going to retire,
      2. AZ is the one state in the Union with a large enough bat-shit-crazy demographic to send her to the Senate, and
      3. AZ just happens to be where she's setting up shop. (Coincidence? Nope.)

      Four years of saying stupid anti-Obama shit will qualify her for the nomination in 2016.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      Hopefully by 2016 the last vestiges of her alleged hotness (sorry, never saw it myself) will be long gone and there will be a new hottie on the block. With any luck, said hottie will at least not be evil.

  45. mavenmaven

    It would be fun if she ran but we won't be allowed to make fun of her use of T–g on Wonkette…

    1. tessiee

      Only the suicidally depressed would take a flight out of an airport named after her, as the plane would quit halfway through the trip.

  46. KeepFnThatChicken

    Last observation on Venus de Moron (until after lunch): If she runs, will she run from her adopted state of Arizona?

  47. DashboardBuddha

    Sarah's sexuality must be a lot like those old back lot western movie sets then. You know…the kind of Westerns Ronnie used to be in. This probably explains something.

    1. tessiee

      "Sarah's sexuality must be a lot like those old back lot western movie sets then."

      Potemkin village cunt?

      1. Nothingisamiss

        I would like this to become a meme, although I doubt it will. Still, EXCELLENT!

  48. glamourdammerung

    I am really uncomfortable with the comments here making fun of the mentally handicapped.

    Sarah Palin can not help her disabilities.

    1. tessiee

      Really, if she weren't such a hateful shithead, I could actually bring myself to feel sorry for her.

      As a good friend of mine says, "Everybody's got a date stamped on their ass, and once it drops, that's it".

      While the rest of us were learning actual life skills, acquiring careers, building a support network, making our way in the world, and hopefully gathering a bit of experience and wisdom, Silly Sarah has coasted through her entire life on a pass by slutting and acting cutesie. She doesn't know anything, can't do anything, and can barely add two and two.

      Her ingenue days are fast coming to an end. Vapid whores are a lot less appealing when they're pushing 50. Sooner or later, probably sooner, those much-used udders of hers are going to be down around her belly button; she'll actually have to fend for herself, and she won't be able to.

      When the gravy train comes to an end — and it will — she'll be out of money, her kids who she's spent years ignoring or using as props won't want anything to do with her, her husband… OK, her husband is pretty worthless even now… her fans will resent her because she's aged out of being wanking material, and she'll have nothing but a wasted life to look back on. Her 15 minutes of fame will end, the exact same way everybody's does, she'll be left with no one and nothing, and she'll go through her remaining years with a permanent expression of confused petulance on her face, because her brainette won't be able to figure out what happened to all the attention she assumed was her rightful due.

  49. easynewz

    I'm sure this has been seen by some of you, but this website says it all: Palin-As-President.

    There is sound, so if you're at work, you might want to turn it down. Enjoy clicking on the items in the picture; they're interactive and tons-o-fun.

    And why not send a link to it to all of your right-leaning relatives? *cackles with evil laughter*

  50. KeepFnThatChicken

    In the south, because he's black. Everywhere else, it's because it's all about her.

  51. Barb

    Sarah is going on a bus tour of the eastern states this weekend. Let's all drink heavily and ignore it. (kinda like she does her kids)

  52. hagajim

    If she enters, she's just another loser in a long line of losers. I figure Newt will be dropping out in the next few minutes.

  53. ChessieNefercat

    ""Can such a hard faced ice-queen even have an orgasm? "
    Yes, by/when shooting things. "

    Or by egging on one of her followers into doing the same In Her Name.

  54. prommie

    Entitled, arrogant, and utterly incompetent, all summed up in "heck of a job, Brownie," yes, thats true. But still, Bush I hated Reagan, thought he was a hick, and Bush I hated pandering to the fundies. He pandered to the corporations, and wall street, and that has hurt this country worse than the social issue pandering. Thats whats changed in the GOP between Reagan and now, Reagan pandered to the fundies, now, the GOP is the fundies, they took it over long ago, after the 1994 elections and the Gingrich contract with America.

  55. prommie

    Too bad she can't get Albert Speer to do the lighting for her hate rallies. This director will have to fill in for Reifenstahl, too, but apparently, he has already established the "holy warrior" motif, by brazenly comparing her to Joan of Arc, yes, Saint Joan of Arc, the warrior lady, in her new "documentary."

  56. prommie

    They're gonna have to use war correspondents to cover her campaign events, remember, she has an extraordinary talent for inciting the rabble to violence, they were attacking reporters back in 2008, and the President wasn't even near yet. Now that the president is near, whoo-boy. Her rallies will be filled with armed crazed head-asploded paranoid racist lunatics. Good times, good times.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Exactly why I don't want her to run. I don't it will be as funny as her current brainless stunts are.

  57. El Pinche

    I can't wait to see her campaign warddrobe. She's going to out do her 2010 leather bustea with a trashy leather two piece bikini, fuck-me boots, flag pasties, and a crucifix tramp stamp. They'll have to give out lotion and cum rags at the voting booths.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      She'll be tossing her crusty panties to her adoring fans instead of the other way around.

  58. KeepFnThatChicken

    True side story, from a female friend: We attended the same church. Its matrons, on my friend's wedding day, appeared to her for a private, candid conversation. They explained that the sex she was about to have for the first time (well…) was in fact a big letdown, that she might as well just accept her husband's aggressions, and not worry about his ignorance of her — ahem — "pleasure."

    Seriously. They formed a balloon-bursting cabal on the day of her wedding, because that kind of behavior was expected. After she divorced him, she told me about it all (the ladies, that is).

    Just another reason to hate the church. Oh, and if that wasn't weird or creepy enough, hate 'em for this.

  59. ttommyunger

    Enough irrelevant prattle about the Alaskunt. Am I the only one who noticed that with the renewed "Patriot" (Hee, hee) Act, all bets are off re. the surveillance/investigation of "Lone Wolf Suspects"? Ahem, who designates a person as a "Lone Wolf Suspect"? Any Government asshole GS-7 or above who gets a boner for someone, that's who.

    1. zhubajie

      You are quite right, TTommy. Whoever wins will not give up an iota of "Unitary Executive". The American people over-all want some kind of charismatic leader, with a rubber stamp congress, supreme court, etc. As Tacitus said of Augustus, it appeared as if all the old republican offices and processes continued, but in fact, the real decisions were made elsewhere.

      Personally, I've always felt I was jail-bait under the old P. Act, and have stayed abroad. (Disgust with minimum wage shit jobs had a lot to do with it too.) I will continue to live where" the mountains are high and the emperor is far away," as long as I can. Also, my students are very sweet and I would miss them.

      1. ttommyunger

        Your precautions are probably not misplaced. I remain here, fair game and duly concerned. Arrest in America used to mean a prompt and fair hearing of the alleged offense(s). Now, notsomuch. Makes one consider now whether to submit to arrest peacefully or resist at all cost. Not a pleasant thought.

    2. Negropolis

      This really should have gotten more attention. I've been following the Patriot Act renewals for years, now, and these things should be major showdowns every time, but they are more like foregone conclusions. It really blows my mind, because not voting for certain elements of it don't carry near the political peril they did in the years immediately following 9/11.

  60. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Right wing left wing parakeets?
    both parties corrupt to the core

    don't cry for me Netanyahu
    The truth is I never left you

    Israel first or U.S. first?

    1. zhubajie

      Religious Right Armegeddonites first. Israelis are as fooled as secular Americans.

  61. starfanglednut

    Honestly, I can't decide wether she'll run or not. On one hand, she is too narcissistic to risk failure, or give up her lucrative grifting empire in favor of having to actually work for a living. On the other hand, she might be narcissistic enough to believe she could actually win. I haz a confused.

    1. berkeleyfarm

      I think just long enough to shake the roobs down for cash. Gotta keep up with the new neighbors in $cott$dale. Then if we're patient and lucky, the FEC will come after her in a few years for how she uses it.

      Of course if Iowa yawns or the rallies explode into bad behavior, it might not last very long.

  62. Negropolis

    You can't hide that woman's ugly soul. It just oozes out of her skin. Makeup on a pig, indeed.

  63. MadBrahms

    When she loses, watch for her to blame the misogyny of the media and the left and lay claim to being a True Feminist. Simone de Beauvoir will leap out of her grave, vomit, and die a second death.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "Simone de Beauvoir will leap out of her grave, bitchslap Palin right back to Alaska and onto a small, melting Arctic ice floe, vomit, and die a second death, smiling."

      There. One can hope.

  64. ShaveTheWhales

    !. I was born in 1947. I grew up with TV Disneyland. I went to physical Disneyland for the first time when I was 13. There was still a small orange grove on the grounds of the Disneyland Hotel, which amazed my Wisconsin-based soul almost as much as the monorail..

    Despite having subsequently learned all the shitty things about Walt, and become painfully aware of the gross commercialism, the place remained magical to me for my whole life.

    2. I took my kids there a few times, both before and after their mom died. It still seemed pretty magic to them, as far as I could tell.

    3. My kids have been to DW a few times with their aunt, who is a genuine Disney nut. I haven't — I spent a year in Ft Walton Beach, and do not long for the humidity. They didn't like the humidity, but they had a good time, nevertheless. I can't recall if I ever asked them which park they preferred. Sort of late in the day now.

    4. My older son proposed to his fiancee at Cali Disneyland, but that was more because of her than him.

    5. I'm drunk and rambling and haven't been on Wonkette for a few days, and I still like Disneyland — although not so much Uncle Walt — so fuck y'all.

  65. ShaveTheWhales

    But that would mean that he's just been sadistically jerking us around for the last couple of centuries… oh, wait.

  66. bflrtsplk

    She looks like she ate some bad moose meat – or saw a black man kissing a white woman. Where does the Wonkette get these fabulous Moosemama photos?

  67. keepintime1592

    We Alaskans will be ever so glad to see the back end of her pickup truck headin' south fer Arizoney. She'll fit right in there. Arizonans, beware. Having thoroughly embarassed the 49th State and its residents, she'll be gunnin' for ya'll now too, no doubt about it. Definitely do send photos of Toad trying to high-mark a sand dune on his snow machine. That should be reality show gold – must see tv for sure.

  68. Negropolis

    I don't know. The Patriot Act is mostly and almost purely an act to incease the power of the executive, and Congress usually gets pissed at that kind of usurping of their oversight role. I really don't get it.

    1. easynewz

      My theory: All that sweet, sweet monies for the peace officers back in the home districts. Sheriff Yokel now has night-vision goggles, Kevlar vests for his canines and enough firepower to singlehandedly take over a small country. And let's not forget that most police and firemen vote Republican't.

    2. ttommyunger

      I don't either, but it prolly doesn't bode well for the little people, i.e. you & me.

  69. easynewz

    And let's not forget the good old 'Terror Alert System' Dubya manipulated whenever the populace/lame-stream media started to question the war(s). Be afraid! Be very afraid!

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