prince charming

Newt Gingrich Such a Gift To Nation’s Headline Writers

Mr. Romantic ... until you get cancer, or get old.So happy about this Reuters headline, captured above: “Republican Gingrich defiant over Tiffany’s account.” And who said chivalry was dead? Really, who said that? We want to know, so we can send Newt Gingrich over with his maxed-out $500,000 Tiffany’s credit line and the cure for cancer. (Oh yes, Newt has the cure for cancer. It’s called divorce your old wife when she gets cancer.) But why shouldn’t he maintain a half-million-dollar Tiffany’s line of credit? Who knows when he’ll meet the next Mrs. Gingrich? Would you want to be cash short but romance rich when you meet Mrs. Gingrich #4?


“People should be free to spend their own money the way they see fit,” the former House speaker said at a campaign stop in Manchester, New Hampshire, noting that he and his third wife, Callista, have virtually no debt.

This is what he has to talk about at “campaign stops,” in New Hampshire? Oh, Newt. Newty Newty Newt Newt. Not with all the Tiffany’s product in the world plus all the Tiffany’s stock in the world would we let you touch us with your pasty little troll hands, you horrifying cancer vampire.

UPDATE: This really seemed to absurd to be true, but we’re new here: Newt’s latest wife was a lobbyist for the jewelry company, and that’s why Newt was rewarded with a half-million-dollar 0% credit line, because he also cheated on the law by favoring Tiffany in some legislation, so as a bribe he got this permanent zero-interest $500,000 credit line from the now-tacky jeweler. Guess it’s not really in my interest — or the public interest! — to dismiss anything at all as “absurd.” Can we do another post about this now? [Reuters]

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          1. Crank_Tango

            Newt is the shallow white puddle in the bellybutton of american politics. At least that's how I read it…

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Breakfast at Tiffany’s must be more expensive that I thought.

      Looking at Newt, I'd say it's hella fattening, too.

  1. KeepFnThatChicken

    “People should be free to spend their own money the way they see fit,” says the man who thinks a line of credit is his money.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      But … I thought the Newtster was against deficit spending.
      Are his grandchildren going to pay for this? And if so, will they ever be able to sort out who pays for which granny's bling?

    2. mumbly_joe

      To be fair, Calista happened to work for a congressional committee that Tiffany's was lobbying at exactly the time that the Newts racked up that interest-free $500,000 credit line, so it's probably better to think of this as a kickback in the tune of whatever the interest, over a decade or two, on 500k is.

      So, in a matter of speaking, that -or more precisely, the lack of interest- is their money. It's just also, you know, a kickback.

      1. V572..whatever

        Even reliably left MSM outlets like MSNBC seem to overlook this inconvenient fact.

        1. horsedreamer_1

          Rachel's trying to save her job.

          Ed Schultz might be beyond redemption, though.

          1. V572..whatever

            Can’t really bear that Ed Show guy. Rachel doesn’t seem like the kind of girl who considers diamonds her best friend.

          2. PhilippePetain

            "Hey, I know what the left would like! A stupid ignoramus blowhard just like Rush Limbaugh, but he's LIBERAL!"

            -MSNBC programming wizards + profit and fun

          3. mumbly_joe

            Wasn't there a Salon piece on how Schultz was probably kinda calculating on that front too, and suddenly had a complete 180-degree liberal conversion when he realized that Rushbo had basically cornered the market for ignorant right-wing blowhards?

            I mean, if the goal was to make us somehow miss Olbermann, then (2,947 days since Bush declared) Mission Accomplished.

  2. donner_froh

    One could accept Newt being a horrifying cancer vampire if he wasn't such a perfect example of a disgusting human being and a washed up GOP mouthpiece.

  3. hollywooddood

    It would take more than half a mil in Tiffany's diamonds for me to get near that.

    Everybody has their price.

    1. PsycWench

      Mine, for example, would be removing the gun from one of my children's heads. Not my own…I think I'd rather die.

    2. riverside68

      The problem is that half a mil in Tiffany ice is probably only going to get $50k on 47th St.

      If it was half a mil in cash I would think about about giving Newt 20 minutes, then I could sell my story to Enquirer, since I am a live boy. (I agree that does give me an unfair advantage over a girl, who would have to be dead to get the same coverage.)

  4. memzilla

    I'm so old fashioned I think that Whore Diamonds shouldn't count until they're paid for. Much like whores themselves.

  5. donner_froh

    Newt goes from abject apology for questioning Paul Ryan's plan to slaughter old people to defending his half-million dollar debt to a luxury jewelry store. This probably isn't how he planned his campaign.

    1. ManchuCandidate

      Shockingly he thought it would have gone as well as Patton's campaign in Tunisia in 1943 or Rommell's in 1941, but that was under the (extremely faulty) assumption he was equal to either of them in the political arena.

      Gingrich is Fake Southern for Fredenhall or Spinal Tap.

        1. ManchuCandidate

          I think Elpy's campaign of disaster will be considered a stunning success compared to Newt's. At least the doddering fool was at Waterloo. The best Newt can do is sing ABBA's Waterloo.

          1. SorosBot

            The thing is, Newt reached his Waterloo a long time ago, but isn't self-aware enough to remember that Napoleon did surrender, oh yeah, and he should meet his destiny in quite a similar way, instead of sticking around and annoying us.

          2. Crank_Tango

            you know who else was a foreign-born leader of a nation that conquered europe and didn't understand the concept of russian winters…

    2. Chillwaver

      "This probably isn't how he planned his campaign. "

      I'm not quite sure how much "planning" was involved. I mean, given his track record of impulse spending and serial adultery, Newt seems more like a spur-of-the moment kinda guy, doesn't he?

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        We already had a president who "followed his gut." That worked out really well.
        And before that, a president who followed his nut. Ditto.

  6. ManchuCandidate

    You say that I'm just a fat faced loser
    No common ground to start from
    And I just get blow jobs
    You'll say there's just nothing between us
    but ethics have come between us
    And I know you like jewels

    And I said what about "Bribery from Tiffany's?
    She said, "I think I remember the price,
    And as I recall, I think, you wanted to get some for me."
    And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got.

    1. SorosBot

      Gah. The article itself reminded me of that horrible, horrible song, then you have to do this; and once again show how artistically bankrupt rock was in the late 90s (and has pretty much stayed until today).

      1. horsedreamer_1

        1995-96 is late 90s? It was still Clinton's first term!

        But trying to argue this, I feel like I'm standing outside a broken phone-booth with money in my hand.

          1. tihond

            Some would say Newt's debt has become cumbersome, but he just ran it up counting blue cars. He wonders if this debt will hurt him with the cotton eyed joes out there or if they'll think he's one of us, just a stranger on a bus.

            Then again, maybe Newt is a Bandito, seeing just how far the Republican party wants to go. Or maybe he's a lovefool for America who loves us, loves us, says that he loves us.

            Personally by my naked eye, I can see he's the natural one for the nomination. How bizarre.

            Something something Verve Pipe, freshman. Something something, Hey, Macarena.

  7. baconzgood

    “People should be free to spend their own money the way they see fit,”

    "People should be free to buy gold so they can fuck thier own mistresses the way they see fit"


    1. Grief_Lessons

      People SHOULD be free to spend their own money the way they see fit, and other people SHOULD be free to point out that some people are fat bloviating douchebags, the way they spend their money.

  8. Goonemeritus

    Not just a $500,000 debt it’s an interest free $500,000 debt. Plan to call Tiffany’s later see if I can get on this, some pin money would come in handy to stock up on canned goods and ammunition.

    1. LouBristol

      there's nothing to say the Blingrichs have actually paid back this debt. When the GoldenSphereHead left her Congressional staffer position, she no longer had to disclose her finances and no one knows whether this debt was paid off or simply waived by Tiffany's as part of their lobbying effort.

    2. Terry

      Tiffany's put out a press release saying that they have two types of accounts, the regular interest credit account and an interest free, one year to pay account that is directed at purchases such as engagement rings.

      1. SorosBot

        Hey now, Tiffany's much bigger now than she was in the 80s. That is literally bigger; girl got fat.

  9. Arken

    He's right. People should be free to spend their own money the way they see fit.

    They just shouldn't expect to be elected to public office if they spend their money in certain ways.

    1. Crank_Tango

      Yeah and I am not so sure the issue is the spending of the money as much as it is the getting of said money. fucking moran this lizard person is.

      1. Arken

        I think it's both. After all, a president has to present a budget and he's proven he's not especially good at budgeting.

  10. ThundercatHo

    "I think people ought to be able to manage their own reproductive organs the way that they see fit."

    There, fixed.

    1. tessiee

      "I think people who are not women ought to be able to manage their own reproductive organs the way that they see fit."

      fxd fxd

      1. PuckStopsHere

        Reflecting on reproductive organs puts me in mind of this, and I've been meaning for some time now to bring it up: Who's fucking this guy? How is this even possible? How could you get down (I'm a child of the '70s) with a guy who's named after a goddamn salamander? How?

  11. Biel_ze_Bubba

    He bought a very nice engagement ring there. It's inscribed "To Whom It May Concern."

  12. Texan_Bulldog

    Ha ha. Note to Newt: Trollops aren't going to hang around you just because you're such an awesome guy with a winning personality.

    1. V572..whatever

      They say women like a man who can make them laugh. Probably not at the man himself, though.

    2. riverside68

      Newt to TB: "Well duh! Why the fuck do you think I have a line of credit at Tiffany's?"

  13. lefty74

    Speaking of panhandlers. A homeless guy walked up to me and asked for money the other day. Said he had nothing. I got a car payment, house payment, health insurance bills, kid's college, and on and on. Don't need a calculator to figure out that he, with nothing, is financially in better shape than I am. He still got a Lincoln out of me.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I never give anything more than a Chevy … maybe a Buick, if the guy's got a good patter.

  14. Captain_Quark

    I thought the guy in the photo was Pope Benny reaching out his pasty digit to caress an altar boy.
    But, no, it's just Da Newt and his detachable penis.

    Suddenly, the old King Missle song seems fresh and new.

  15. DaSandman

    Well the real question is how is it that the Salamander got a "standard, interest free account" when Tiffany's regular interrest is 21%.

    This is gonna get as juicy as Callista on diamond night.

    1. Terry

      Tiffany's has a special interest free account for special purchases like engagement rings that has to be paid off in a year.

    2. prommie

      That Callista, she doesn't look very juicy, she looks like she is one with whom the artificial lube is a sine qua non, if you know what I mean.

      1. riverside68

        No body said anything about natural juice. All that KY can make a situation even juicier than ah natural

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    I guess buying that chick diamonds and other shit from Tiffany's is like dressing up your Barbie doll. That woman skeeves me out.

    (And there's this guy from the GOP he's creepin' around Calista's canyon)

    A fine little girl she waits for me
    She's as plastic as she can be
    She paints her face with plastic goo
    And wrecks her hair with some shampoo

    Plastic people
    Oh, baby, now you're such a drag

  17. Mort_Sinclair

    Word of the Day: larval adj. Of or pertaining to former U.S. congressman Newt Gingrich

  18. Fare la Volpe

    Newt and his bony appendage look like one half of the Sistine Chapel. The other half, of course, removed from this photo, is Callista reaching out with her diamond-studded clit.

      1. V572..whatever

        What do you suppose a pair of Sterling ben-wa balls goes for at Tiffany? Couldn't find them in the on-line catalog. Maybe Callista could give them a call.

    1. Crank_Tango

      is that what you got for graduation, a vajazzling?

      would you like it for graduation?

    2. PuckStopsHere

      Maybe the worst single image I've ever had in my minds eye, and I sat through Slapshot II.

  19. carlgt1

    isn't this the sort of horrible deficit spending Repugs are supposed to be against?

  20. CapeClod

    “People should be free to spend their own money the way they see fit,”

    They are. The problem is that if you are a politician and you shower your latest mistress with diamonds, then that has a cost in itself.

  21. James Michael Curley

    Tiffany's told the press they will not release any information about the Newt with the prefix, "At the request of Mr. Gingrich … "

    Sounds like they are inviting a wikileaker.

  22. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Well, it's a whole lot more subtle than a bagful of uncut diamonds.

    For tax purposes, an interest-free loan is income. The IRS might find it of considerable, err, interest.

  23. BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if he bangs the counter girl in the stock room when he goes to buy diamonds, because he loves his country so much.

  24. SorosBot

    It's been 13 years since this little amphibian troll has been relevant, and the best he can hope for in any primary is 5%; why won't he just go away, or the media just start ignoring him?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      He must have a book in the works. Or a show at Faux News, if he doesn't already have one.

  25. Oblios_Cap

    He has maxed out a 500K line of credit but he and Calypso "have virtually no debt"?

    I can see why the RNC is in such fine financial condition.

  26. horsedreamer_1

    If he gets the nomination, you know he'll transfer the guarantor's name to the RNC, a la the Heath-Palin Gang's run at Saks. ("Piper needs a new pair of shoes!")

  27. Terry

    The fact that Newty or Mrs Newty ran up a huge debt at Tiffany's two years in a row is going go over really well with the ridge runners, swamp yankees, and hippies up in New Hampshire.

  28. smitallica

    Newt is defiant over Tiffany's account, and positively recalcitrant over Debbie Gibson's account.

  29. bflrtsplk

    Jus' wondering if our favorite salamander will ask for a government bailout when he can't keep up with the payments.

  30. Tundra Grifter

    Folks who have breakfast at Wal*Mart aren't going to vote for a joker who has breakfast at Tiffany's.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      Why would you believe this? I only wish they would open their minds as much as their mouths.

      1. tessiee

        "Anal piercings."

        Wouldn't that interfere with his anal cysts?

        Oh, wait; that's the *other* fat, man-whorey, draft-dodging blowhard.

    1. V572..whatever

      Sterling silver ben-wa balls, with "Newt" engraved on one and "Callista" on the other. Everyone's doing it these days.

    1. V572..whatever

      When you regard her anorexic frame or listen to her punitive screechings, does sex w/Laura Ingraham come to mind?

  31. seppdecker

    "Horrifying cancer vampire" is what you become when you eat Count Chocula every day. I think Newt is more like a man-sized leech, sucking humanity out of anyone dumb enough to let him attach.

  32. Weenus299

    "he and his third wife, Callista, have virtually no debt."

    ~ Virtually = $500,000. With the house and the wife's unpayable student loan, we only have half-virtually no debt.

  33. Sassomatic

    Sure, people should be able to spend their money they way they see fit. Like for gay weddings, for example.

  34. [redacted]hse

    And what the fuck does Tiffany's need with a lobbyist? They're all fucking thieves and criminals.

  35. el_donaldo

    So Newt waffles on Libya and Medicare, but decides to stand his ground on the Tiffany account? Is there anyone who still doesn't know that Newt's a sociopath?

  36. neiltheblaze

    Well, it's comforting to know that his home-wrecker bimbo wife was at least smart enough to get paid off first before balling this pudgy faced impotent troll.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      She just keeps repeating "DiamondsDiamondsDiamonds…." to herself over and over until the grunting ceases, and she's off the hook for another week

  37. Tundra Grifter

    Pretty much all you need to know about Mr. Gingrich is that for the last fifteen years his first name has been "Former."

  38. OneYieldRegular

    Indeed. I mean, how can they not still appreciate the favor Truman Capote did for them? If I were working PR for Tiffany's, I'd walk out the door (or slit my wrists) – not simply because this story does them no favors, but also because it completely destroys their meticulously built and until now carefully managed brand.

  39. YasserArraFeck

    The term "trickle down" should not appear within ten miles of any conversation involving Newt Gingrich – the involuntary images it conjures up are really too horrifying and nauseating to contemplate.

  40. carlgt1

    what cracks me up is these are the same sorts of assholes that begrudge someone an increase in their minimum wage. I guess (like Bristol & Sarah Palin) they just can't understand why people can make money so easy & sleazy!

  41. Crank_Tango

    well in tiffany's' defense–they prolly had no idea newt would be so stupid as to ever seek public office again, much less the presidency.

  42. iburl

    Hey, I think it's really cool that there are no more hungry people in Newt's hometown. BLING TIME!

  43. Doktor Zoom

    Huh. Last night my ex and I met at her place to break the news to our son about her upcoming treatment for breast cancer (very early stage, caught early, tiny tumor, should be fine, but still…). I guess by Newt's standards I don't love America enough?

  44. thefrontpage

    Gingrich has zero business holding any political office, running for any political office, talking about politics, being involved in politics, or participating in government or politics in any manner on any level. He is simply a moron.

  45. Guppy06

    “People should be free to spend their own money the way they see fit,”

    Is he defending his line of jewelry credit, or GE's tax bill?

  46. tessiee

    Excuse me, may I have your attention please?

    The next time this asswipe says anything at all whatsoever about the sanctity of marriage, would every gay person on earth go over there and kick him square in the nuts?

    Thank you.

  47. tessiee

    Even an old heathen like me can see that God's revenge on Republicans for behaving like such pigs is to make them *look* exactly like pigs.

    See also Bush, Jeb.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Callista: "Good morning!"
      Newt: "Huh? Oh… umm… (checks the calendar), good morning… (checks his diary) ah … Callista?"

  48. PhilippePetain

    It's true. he's a little on the dense side, and every time I see him, I'm a little offended that this is what programmers think that liberals would want.

    This should make Fox news bragging about how they really pull the idiots in and have high ratings a little bit embarrassing for conservatives, but of course they'll never look at anything with these eyes.

    1. Negropolis

      He can pinch a penny when he wants to, and by "pinch a penny" I mean Penny, the girl down at the lesbian bondage club.

  49. ttommyunger

    Can't buy class, Fucko. That goes for your wife of the moment also, too, as well as…

  50. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    over and over and over
    Newt and Callista
    Callista and Newt
    Newt and Callista
    over and over and over

  51. Negropolis

    Like actual diamonds, whore diamonds are also forever, it seems.

    Newton, you know where your braind-dead constituency gets their engagement rings from? The jewelry desk at WalMart. Chew on that, you elitist, out-of-touch slug.

  52. ShaveTheWhales

    So, a probably irrelevant question. Independent of the size of his zero-interest credit limit, I think I've read that there have been purchases from Tiffie in the $250 — 500K range over the last few years. Which have been paid off. Groovy.

    Who pays this motherfucker? And how much? 'Cause, look, I was a middle-management robot, and during my five best years I made, say $250K a year, and I bought my wife maybe $50K worth of jewelry. That would be about 4% of my income (I was giddy — shoot me) or 20% of one year's income.

    If we assume the same percentage for jewelry, the collective Gingrich annual income turns out to be $1.25M to $2.5M. Now, people do make that kind of money, but not usually for playing French horn in a community orchestra.

    P.S., Of course I know (more or less) how the scumbag has been paid. I'm just giving an example of how stupid he is to think that he can portray himself as an outsider.

  53. BarryOPotter

    And judging from the size of their tab at Tiffany's, cock rings aren't cheap either.

    It's hard to get curly-ques and fleur-de-lys-enhanced inscriptions correct on something that small. No matter how great an artisan you may be…

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