Newt Gingrich Such a Gift To Nation’s Headline Writers

  prince charming

Mr. Romantic ... until you get cancer, or get old.So happy about this Reuters headline, captured above: “Republican Gingrich defiant over Tiffany’s account.” And who said chivalry was dead? Really, who said that? We want to know, so we can send Newt Gingrich over with his maxed-out $500,000 Tiffany’s credit line and the cure for cancer. (Oh yes, Newt has the cure for cancer. It’s called divorce your old wife when she gets cancer.) But why shouldn’t he maintain a half-million-dollar Tiffany’s line of credit? Who knows when he’ll meet the next Mrs. Gingrich? Would you want to be cash short but romance rich when you meet Mrs. Gingrich #4?

Reuters:

“People should be free to spend their own money the way they see fit,” the former House speaker said at a campaign stop in Manchester, New Hampshire, noting that he and his third wife, Callista, have virtually no debt.

This is what he has to talk about at “campaign stops,” in New Hampshire? Oh, Newt. Newty Newty Newt Newt. Not with all the Tiffany’s product in the world plus all the Tiffany’s stock in the world would we let you touch us with your pasty little troll hands, you horrifying cancer vampire.

UPDATE: This really seemed to absurd to be true, but we’re new here: Newt’s latest wife was a lobbyist for the jewelry company, and that’s why Newt was rewarded with a half-million-dollar 0% credit line, because he also cheated on the law by favoring Tiffany in some legislation, so as a bribe he got this permanent zero-interest $500,000 credit line from the now-tacky jeweler. Guess it’s not really in my interest — or the public interest! — to dismiss anything at all as “absurd.” Can we do another post about this now? [Reuters]

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