This should play well in Missouri next year: House majority leader Eric Cantor (R-Meanie) has blocked federal disaster-relief help for Joplin, where an incredible storm and tornado killed at least 122 people and leveled much of the town. Police and firefighters and ambulance workers are still pulling victims from the rubble, and the Republican House is saying no help for these people from the federal government unless a bunch of programs the Republicans hate (all of them, except for defense industry no-bid contracts) are de-funded. Why not just wear monster masks and go around scaring babies, too?
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor said Monday that if Congress passes an emergency spending bill to help Missouri’s tornado victims, the extra money will have to be cut from somewhere else.
This is kind of like when the Republican Congress repeatedly refused to provide medical care for the 9/11 emergency workers, even as they repeatedly authorized hundreds of billions of dollars to fight wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and Elsewhere ostensibly because of the 9/11 attacks. I don’t want to be all shrill but these guys are dicks. [Think Progress]
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He certainly puts the "Can't" in Cantor.
And the "prick" in "heartless prick".
And the "prick" in the asses of folks from Missouri…
Joplin has been represented by a Republican in Congress since 1961. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missouri%27s_7th_con…
Think this will wake them up? Or will they squat in the debris, secure in the knowledge that no matter what else happens in life they are not transsexual Mexicans?
Perhaps it will wake them up from dreams of being transsexual Mexicans. If this is the case, I will predict that they wake up sticky.
He won't though.
Funny, this is right around when the Democrats finally began to forsake and cut-off their blatantly racist wing, and when the Republicans without any bones about it began inviting them into their party…
You mean the "cunt" in Cantor?
Dan Kirby. State Rep. Duh. Going on for a LONG TIME.
"He certainly puts the "Can't" in Cantor. "
Ordinarily, I'm not one to harp on incorrect use of the apostrophe, but in this case I have to make an exception: He certainly puts the "Cant" in Cantor.
What a Cuntor…
Eric better hope that weather system doesn't make it all the way to Virginia. The dipshit may have to walkback that position.
The thing is, something like 20 people died a few weeks ago here in Virginia, because of some freak tornadoes. So it's not like he can't relate to the plight of Joplin residents, he's just a shitty human being.
It's just this: These R-Weasels are more afraid of the Koch brothers than they are of the voters.
Didja know the Koch brothers are Jewish, like "Eric" Cantor? I didn't either, but here's internet proof (the best kind):
http://www.jewwatch.com/jew-leaders-list-of-jewis…
So the plot all fits together
Jew Watch? Well, there goes the name for my Israeli-made timepieces import/export business.
Hasidic Horology is still available.
For the record, the family patriarch was a Dutch Texan, and a John Bircher, so I think that other internet lied to ya.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_C._Koch
Yeah I saw that. Anti-semites imagining them to be Jews seemed funnier. The list if you dare to go look at is quite entertaining, with various zillionaires characterized as “SECRET JEWS.”
Secret Jews™, for when you need to fill an inconvenient gap in your conspiracy theory.*
*From the makers of Secret Muslims™ and Bilderberg Building Blocks.
or tornados
"These R-Weasels are more afraid of the Koch brothers than they are of the voters."
Alternate theory: They like votes a whole lot, but the one thing they like even more than votes is money.
I do feel that any of those dopes that ranted and rejected the simulus should find a way to rebuild their tornado/flood/burnt to hell/hurricane trashed (insert any disaster ravaging here) states and tax bases. That will show them. Perry, I am looking at you.
Agreed 1000%.
Ricky prefers the next line in the song:
zero to tooty fruity.
When he shows up with his hand out could we serve him with the "It's ok if Texas Secedes" papers?
Yes. And a kick in the ass.
And let's shave his head if he balks at signing it.
Please remember to include Oklahoma's bitch Gov. Mary Fallin (R–Affair with her bodyguard.)
I know a republican congressman who has royally fucked Mary Fallin. Sickens me every time I look at him. I've known him for over 40 years. Sickens me everytime I look at him.
Seriously, I have a 30 year plus relationship with Dan Kirby. He's been fucking this woman for a long time. Dan (Danny) Kirby is a Tulsa Congressman. He has not NOT BEEN shy about detailing his sexual life with Mary.
I never heard of him.
Thank Jeebus I left OK!
What kind of relationship? Do you fix his car or something? Or one of those genetic relationships you can't avoid?
I agree. Can we deny our r e turd governor, Mary Failin, any monies? Seriously! She's a hilarious snot that most people don't like! Oklahomans: Republican, yes. Democrat, No.
Given this is Cantor, & the State is Missouri, I'd keep my distance from cisterns.
Why not just wear monster masks and go around scaring babies, too?
Most of them don't need masks to do that. Babies can sense the evil.
Just like dogs always know who the vampires/werewolves/Terminators are.
Also, the masks interfere with twirling their old-timey villain handlebar mustaches.
Well the Wicked Witch of West has spoken.
There's no irony at all in the fact that they're taking $1.5 billion from the Clean Car program. But it gets better, only $1 billion will be allocated to FEMA, the other $500 million is just being eliminated.
Huh??1 What do uncleen cars have to due with tornados, dude!! Yer weerd.
I don’t want to be all shrill
Another clue!
Must be Ed Schultz.
Cantor is just supporting God's plan. A tornado is an act of God. God does not want the people of Joplin, Mississippi to have houses or other buildings.
Unless they're rich enough to have another house somewhere else, that is.
Or Joplin, Missouri either! Nor Joplin, Janis.
Or Time Traveling Scott Joplin????
"Oh Lord, won'tcha buy me a place to lay down
The Republican House thinks I should be sleepin' on the ground…"
I should be embarrassed by that error, but my true inner feelings are, "Mississippi… Missouri…. whatever…. It's all the same backwards land I fly over to get from one coast to the other."
Is Joplin one of those Missouri towns which J. Smith prophecized or opined about? Was it the place Eve met the snake or something?
And George Flintstone rode around on a dinosaur.
This is reason 41 for why I don't believe in god.
Eric Cantor's favorite song = "Help me, Shonda"
I beg your pardon Mr or Ms Wonkette. Mr Cantor the chanter does not need no stinking monster mask. I mean, look at him for crissakes.
It's Dixie Jew's nasal whine that I can't stand.
Someone needs a house dropped on him.
Preferably one carried by a tornado from Missouri, so he can see the damage firsthand.
Fabulous!
People come and go so quickly around here.
I call dibs on the ruby slippers!
Slightly OT but somewhat awesome: I was meeting some friends at a sidewalk cafe last week, and one of the other patrons was wearing *ruby converse all-stars*!
A house that looks like a surveyor's mark, of course.
They'll just waste all that money on food and shelter anyway.
Yep, that's why they cut unemployment insurance. They need to pull themselves up by their botstraps!
Koch Industries will be happy to lend them bootstraps, at 28% interest.
Oh, and due to unexpected demand, the price has gone up 150%. Free markets and all that, you know.
Republicans take pleasure in seeing poor people lose the little they've got, both home and abroad.
It's their approximation of pornography, since they are religiously and culturally prohibited from enjoying the real thing.
I was under the impression that they had consumed so much pornogrpahy (forbidden or not) of all kinds that, seeing as the bestiality, gloryholes and wifeswapping no longer got it up, they have to commit atrocities tog et a visceral reaction of any sort from their lizard brains.
But that was just my impression.
I think they truly like the concept of the Victorian-era workhouse.
Where the workers would be gold-plating the German cars they drive and building new yachts for the Koch Brothers Marina.
Well, the concept is, after all, Biblical. Look it up: "To those that have, more will be added to them, from those that have little, even that little they have will be taken from them."
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor said Monday that if Congress passes an emergency spending bill to help Missouri’s tornado victims, the extra money will have to be cut from somewhere else.
OK, Cantor, your salary and benefits sounds like a good place to start the cuts…
Also: fuck you very much.
Cut it from Norfolk Naval Base.
Or all and any funding for anything in his district.
Shit, man, Richmond has enough problems of its own. Don't take it out on those of us with the ill fortune of living here.
What about that $21 billion in Oil Company welfare? Let 'em work construction in MO rather than suck the government teat dry!
It's unAmerican to oppose oil company subsidies, according to the CEO of Exxon.
Especially your benefits. Pay for your own fucking health care, leech.
Eric Cantor, congratulations, you sir are the Douche Bag of the week (pat. pen.).
Week's not over.
So there's still time for him to outdo himself.
Coming in a close 2nd place is Petey DeGraaf or whatever that dickwad's name is, with his "I gotta spare tire so I won't get pregnant if some cute fella rapes me" crap.
Huh? Me no get it.
Yeah that was pretty out there. He said somthing like women should be prepared for thier rape. If you were prepared for rape you wouldn't be raped. You'd have mace.
It is all part of God's plan that the people of Missouri vote Democrat in the next election.
Just in time for Claire McCaskill's 2012 campaign…
Hey, this almost rhymes: McCaskill, McCantorkill…
In a totally non – violent way of course…
Will she have the, pardon the expression, ballz to push it? Democrats are always so soft about going in for the kill.
Are we sure Claire McCaskill's still a Democrat? I've wondered more than once since I sent her money.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presid…
John McCain won Missouri over Obama by 0.14%; it could very easily go the other way next time.
Bring back Pendergast
I fear that in Missouri we have What's the Matter with Kansas? 2.0.
I was really thinking the same thing. I'm not sure I like the direction Missouri and its neighbors are going in. People seem to be worried about the Great Lakes, but they have a strong history of progressivism to fall back on. It seems to me that a lot of the social/ogranizational infrastructure that was built to make a place like Missouri and Indiana and such competitive in 2008 is just about wiped out if it isn't already gone. In that kind of situation the places reset to their insular rural leanings.
I was raised by a father who constantly voted against his own economic interests, so that attitude — esp. in fealty to ridiculous prejudices and nonsensical devotion to politicians who play a part that isn't even genuine — never ceases to amaze me. I knew it was wrong even before I knew my own politics.
I remember circa 2003 on Fox Nooz, Hannity was always bitching about how the mean Democrats said that "Republicans wanted to kick grandma down the stairs". In other words, Bill Clinton had pointed out the obvious about Republican Medicare schemes and that tended to cause problems for the Republicans at the polls.
I understand that some of these guys weren't around in those days, but more than a few of them, especially in leadership positions, were. It's gonna happen again, and either these guys are too stupid to realize it or they're hoping that this time, they'll actually survive the electoral rout.
So yeah, stupid.
You are forgetting that retard douchebags have been listening to Fox retard douchebags for greater than ten years now. The lies and illogic are burned into their brains. (For many, this is merely brainstem, with extra cheetos.)
I think this ad sums up the republican position on medicare, now I am wondering how the democrats will fuck up the messaging.
http://www.indecisionforever.com/2011/05/20/polit…
Isn't disaster aid EXACTLY the thing Government should do for its people? Gawd I hate this pompous dickwads.
For the GOP, disaster aid is a place for patronage jobs for your buddy, an unqualified former horse judge.
People, people, let's not lose sight of the real victims here–Sarah Palin, defense contractors and the Oil Lobby. We must put their needs before our own, for the good of the nation.
And don't forget Trig! Or Track…or Tramp or whoever the fuck.
Apparently this fine young Republican believes that the tornado-ravaged people of the midwest aren't suffering enough, so he'd rather they wait while Congress wrangles over budget cuts before they get their emergency money. Today Joplin, tomorrow Birmingham, Lawrence, Abilene or any number of other pinpoints on the map. Remember that, people of the midwest.
Didn't that ex-baseball player dickhead senator from Tennessee or Kentucky play this card a couple years ago? These guys must be missing a chromosome or something.
Oh yeah, Jim Bunning? I remember there was an article somewhere about him, where these wonderful anonymous sources were basically saying he was slipping into dementia, not that there was a whole lot there to begin with, and all that was really left was spiteful hate.
So basically yr average teabagger.
Extra chromosome, actually, but yeah.
Leave [redacted] alone!
Wait, are you complaining?
No, but then I don't live in Missouri.
Missouri is the Show me State.
He's just showing them why they should vote Dem.
Next Republican strategy will be to hold kittens underwater until they get their way.
And why not? All those fuzzy freeloaders do is stumble around the house and piss everywhere and bite my hand!
I keep wishing they would hold their breath until they get their way. Then we could let them die.
Give 'em the old, "Buy This Magazine or We'll Shoot This Dog".
I think it's Mittens they want to hold underwater.
You've been peeking in the Republican game-plan playbook, haven't you.
That Frank Booth quote is appropriate for so many occasions.
I would wish for a disaster to hit Virginia, but they already have Canter.
No snark…but am I the only one who thinks this is a good thing? Let these fuckers be honest and open about the fact that they don't give a shit about people. (Correction — non-corporation owning people.)
Too fucking bad for Joplin that it wasn't inhabited by Koch brothers and those of similar incomes.
It would be fixed already.
"Let these fuckers be honest and open about the fact that they don't give a shit about people."
I figure we're about two weeks away from one of them getting caught on camera saying, "Fuck'em".
I truly wish I could get put in the ring (MMA… 'cuz in boxing the gloves are too padded) with some of these pieces of shit… and then… when they want to get help from a doctor… everyone just told them,"Nope sorry. Fuck you! You are on your own."
I appreciate that sentiment, I find myself often going back to thinking as I did as an 18 year old hockey player. A couple of trips to the corner with Mr. Cantor and then leaving him would work for me.
Now I understand why someone kinda sorta took a shot in the general direction of his office while Cantor wasn't there. .
Easy- reverse the Bush tax cuts. Problem solved. America, you are welcome.
Well… listen to you… you think you've got it ALL figured out don't chya…
Actually, yeah… I guess that would help huh? But it just seems waaayyy too easy…
It is only easy conceptually.
Given that in reality it requires spineless weasels to stand up (and tell their masters they are going to do the right thing) you can see that you are asking for something that they are unable to do, even if they wanted to, since they lack spines and all.
True, I did mean "easy" in the sense of… you know… if they had spines.
For about 90% of Americans, their big tax cut equals the cost of a grande latte. No flavoring.
They'll vote millionnaire benefits until they die because Faux Newz and their preacher says to.
I still remember where I was when I got that $40.
that's all I got
Somehow, I think the people in Missouri are thinking the same thing…
I got Pawlenty of nuttin…
Impressive. This fuckwad just might turn Oklahoma blue.
Can someone puhleaze put their hands around his throat and turn HIM blue?
Soros, I think you won the office betting pool. Extemporaneous hasn't posted in 4 days, since Wonkette, Jr arrived.
Right, but people also thought it was me for a minute, even though I was actually just in a post-Rapture drunkcoma, and all of Wonkette Jr's posts are conspicuously absent my characteristic typso and accidentally words. I dunno.
For all we know, Extemporaneous is simply busy this week offering free candy to children outside the local elementary school. No need to jump to conclusions.
He hasn't, but then from clues in Wonkette Jr.'s posts it appears they are a. very young, and b. either a woman or gay man; I don't believe any of those applied to Extemporaneous. Curiouser and curiouser.
Sorry, my gaydar must be broke today.
She/he talked about crushing on Pareene.
Man, I need to use you as my "phone a friend" I never catch those things.
I bet you has to backspace and then retype She/he huh?
*smirk… giggle*
Have you never heard of a "man crush"?
Also, as noted above, by me, we can probably rule out the possibility of it being Ken doing some bizarre sock puppet theatre for some reason or another.
Way too fun… oh and too many posts too… also.
The posts are not nearly depressing enough to be Ken.
Ken is far too busy to pull something like that. I'm sure he just looks over Junior's posts and thinks "let's see how long you last – they burn out so quickly."
Yes, junior lacks the great depth of cultural history knowledge that Ken displays. I still say chick, too.
Jimmy-choo's?
I can't even spell it.
I thought extemporanus was a gay tho.
Whomever s/he is, my tip was used yesterday and I didn't even get a shout out, so I'm pouting.
People still fall for that "just the tip" line? I thought that went the way of the Edsel.
Could be AMC has returned. She' been MIA since MAR. Naaah, not enough……oh forget it.
But she's not super-young like Jr. appears to be; hm could be a secretly-returned Juli.
Not much profanity in Junior's posts.
I hope we all know that Ken is reading this and chuckling demonically. The man loves screwing with his devoted fans.
Yeah it doesn't really sound like her style. Hm no other former overlords fit the clues except Arielle but she just left; doesn't seem like she'd say goodbye if she really got a promotion.
I know I could put this on every post, basically, and it's not very witty, but I just have to:
I FUCKING HATE REPUBLICANS.
Simple Yet to the Point Emmelemm. A+
Clearly the feeling is mutual. Unless you is a corporation, of course.
Perhaps not witty, but definitely poetic.
Toto, I don't think we're in Virginia anymore.
Dammit! I was reading thru comments, hoping to be the first one to make the obvious Wizard of Oz reference.
Someone quicker witted than I already mentioned a house flying onto him…
Ignore the Koch behind the curtain…
The Congressman went on to describe his gubmint health care as "free" and ask rhetorically/incredibly stupidly why he shouldn;t accept free services.
Free services paid for by our tax dollars. Is is possible that some of these Teapublicans lack even the faintest understanding of government?
Possible; more likely likely.
Economics 101 should be a requirement for all elected to Congress. Right now it is clear these guys have no clue about basic economics, none.
I watched that guy screaming at that woman about taking care of yourself and having personal repsonsibility. I couldn't help but wish on him an long suffering condition that will cost him lots of money over a long period of time.Sounds mean I know, but these guys are all about the mean to the poor and the old.
"Is is possible that some of these Teapublicans lack even the faintest understanding of government?"
Yes.
"Is is possible that some of these Teapublicans lack even the faintest understanding of government?"
It's not so much that they don't understand it, more like they're opposed to it.
What a bastard coated bastard with bastard filling.
Awesome! Post of the day in my heart.
That is such a perfect combo of snark and adorable with a wee touch of cuntiness, you, sir or madam, have won the day.
Delicious when read in an English accent!
I could yell it and you might hear me,lurking in the West Loop as I am.
I'm smack-dab in the middle of the Loop as we type!
You should hear it in a solid sterling Bostonian accent!
LOL Dr. Suess is that you?
"He's a mean one, Mr. Grinch……"
That was so well done.
bastard/custard, you really do make them sound tasty, all coated and filled.
Ummmm, gots to get me some of those!
I'm touching your creamy center!
"What a bastard coated bastard with bastard filling."
Extra bastard sauce and an order of bastard fries on the side, please.
I think they really do believe the Rapture is coming… how else could you, given you hold an "elected" position, be so fucking blatantly evil and hideous? Either that or they must think they are very safe… keep fucking that chicken assholes… your times a comin' one way or another.
It's because when they play Beatles records backwards, they wrote the words therein. The prince of this world is a busy motherfucka, and delegates.
"keep fucking that chicken"
Strong words from DaRooster.
Bring that shit on… "You feelin' lucky… Punks?"
I saw that post (love Rumproast, BTW), and I honestly thought this story was a fake. Should have known the answer was "all of them".
*sigh*
There is a bit of delicious irony in Tornado Alley being denied Federal funds by the Republicans after having voted those Republicans into office.
How is Eric Cantor just like a force 5 tornado? One blows hard, the other is a blowhard.
Oh, yeah. They both leave death and destruction in their wakes.
They are both a freak of nature which is coming more common
They are both made more dangerous by global warming
How is Eric Cantor just like a force 5 tornado? One blows hard, the other is a weather system.
fxd
They both dump shit on people many miles away.
I love to watch these cock-sucking hypocrits denounce the big bad gubbermint one day and stick their grubby cum stained hands out for disaster relief when it happens in the state they represent.
I love to watch these cock-sucking hypocrits denounce the big bad gubbermint one day and-
step in a stop actual relief to US citizens the next…
…too.
What's with all the 'cock-sucking' hate?
Cock-suckers are our friends. They suck our cocks!
I agree
how about Koch suckers
Mary Fallin. Fail. Dare I hope that Spooky Doktor Tom issues a statement endorsing Cantor's plan? Or is SDT laying low as part of his immunity deal?
On its face, there's nothing unreasonable about pulling some spending from elsewhere to cover the costs of the tornado. But with these jokers, the "elsewhere" will inevitably be something to do with lady parts or hungry people. It's sad to think the Repubicans see disaster relief as a budget cutting tool.
"It's sad to think OF the Republicans."
OK… good.
"It's sad to think the Repubicans see disaster relief as a budget cutting tool."
They see everything that doesn't involve throwing money at the military or corporations as a budget cutting tool. They don't give two shits about anything else, and they're becoming arrogantly blatant about it.
Shoving the debris up Cantor's ass wouldn't be painful enough for this lint licker.
See, it is bizarro-world. It's the republicans who are shooting themselves in the foot for a change.
Fox News: Are outrageous Teacher salaries the reason for lack of funds for Missouri?
No. It's the FAGGOTS. IT IS ALWAYS THE FAGGOTS!
or we could hold one of the star-a-thon thingees to raise money for Missouri.
you know, like they do for third world countries?
The mid-late 70s movie with this same premise was called "Americathon."
So, by my math, that makes…
*calculates*
TWO people who have seen that movie.
Remember when having HBO was a big deal? You got to see stuff like Americathon, and the complete works of Lina Wertmuller, as well, which was wierd.
*sings*
We are the world
We are the rednecks
You are the ones who have to bail us out
Cause Cantor boned us…
Oh, and let me guess. Any contractors receiving construction funds are exempt from the Davis-Bacon Act. Right?
"House Majority Leader Eric Cantor said Monday that if Congress passes an emergency spending bill to help Missouri’s tornado victims, the extra money will have to be cut from somewhere else"
Or raise taxes. But anyways I'm glad to see the GOP's message for 2012 is "I gots mine so screw you America."
I would tell Cantor to "eat a bag of salted rat santorum" but he'd probably enjoy it.
First use of this phrase that I've seen, and I must say….well done.
How you gonna get the lube in a rat's ass? My understanding is that they are pretty tight.
The trick is to start out with the rats who have a wide stance.
Obviously didn't even read the Compassionate Conservatism memo yellowing on the bulletin board in the Republican Congressional lounge.
They're probably using it for a dart board by now.
Thing is, what should have been at least a generation in the wilderness, out of power, turned out to be a mere what–4 years? 6 years? Sure, we can try to vote them out again in 2012, but we will catch the same collective amnesia again in '14, or '16, and every time they come back they fuck us even harder.
I think that's the plan.
Get elected on fear, envy and racism.
Fuck the country
Get unelected
Loop
Profit
This is entirely Obama's fault for drinking beer in Europe while disasters ravage the Midwest. Leave Eric alone.
OBAMA DOESN'T CARE ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE.
What a dozy cunt this Cantor person is, I just know that he is about 5'6" , skinny and with a hamster's dick, so with all that going against him plus that weird Dixie-Jewish thing I know he was bullied relentlessly, so he is just paying it back.
I wish I caould use "dozy cunt" in a sentence. You really have to be a LimeyLizzie to do it.
Also, too, the dixie-Jewish thing. Mr. Amiss always knew the bullies were the fuckers and that he could grow up not to be one.
Snark off: I think you're on to something here. My guess is that their is some sort of bullying or abuse. As a result, these poor moral morans are incapable of the kind of higher order thought necessary to have any kind of altruism. They are thinking out of their hind brains , which, (OK snark back on) may be located in their asses. Oh wait, is that snark?
Officer Krupke, you're really a square;
This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care!
It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed.
He's psychologic'ly disturbed!
Officer Krupke, you've done it again.
This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen.
It ain't just a question of misunderstood;
Deep down inside him, he's no good!
Hey, I'm depraved on account'a I'm deprived!
I'll hold him while you punch.
We need that Tornado to show some personal responsibility and accountability. It made that mess and by God it needs to clean up that mess. Not the Tax Payers!
When the Tea Baggers learn that Missouri is the leading producer of Hog Knuckles and Raccoon Steaks, it'll be a different story.
Well, maybe some of that cut WILL be taken out of the DoD. Email just came down from the colonel stating "We were notified that the congressional authorization committees cut $22M out of next year's program."
Of course, our program is environmental cleanup, not planes and bombs and shit.
Obama should just state that there were no tornadoes, and the devastation was due to a lightning quick strike to take out the Taliban. That will get the GOP to back anything dealing with Missouri.
If you want a sudden flood of money from the GOP, you tell them the Taliban were behind the tornado. Next thing you know, you've got billions for reconstruction, and billions more for a national tornado detection, evaluation, and warning system. Preferably involving checkpoints where traveling weather systems are X-rayed for hidden vortices.
Alt-Text FTW!
Now, all I'll be able to think of when I see Cantor's vile smirk in teevee will be:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRslKeT0EmQ
I have been trrying to give up walking around every day of my life in a state of quasi-suppressed rage, a hair-trigger away from a loud, spastic outburst of verbal aggression and crude epithet-flinging. I'm needing all my strength here, all my strength, and 94-proof gin.
I let it RIP! I learned long ago that if I just let it go I truly feel much better… however… I can't do it when the wife's around. So I "release" (workout, throw fits, etc…) before she gets home… plus I have a few shots.
I use chocolate donuts and calzones (not together.) The rage is the same, though.
Has anyone tried wanton sexual promiscuity as a coping strategy? I mean, sex with other people? It would seem healthier than the booze and binge-eating. . . .
Definitely considered… however… way too painful… if I get caught.
Just need to find other people willing to engage in that…
Where u at?
It works well, btw. Used it for years.
It works, but it's not necessarily healthier thanks to those fucking bitches with the venereal diseases.
Are you available Prommie? I've had my eye on you for awhile now.
Exit 63 is pretty far for you . . . .
I gotta back Cantor on this.
How many of the Alabama/MO/OK teabaggin' survivors from the past few weeks do you think are picking through the rubble of their homes left behind in the wake of the storms, desperately searching for their limited edition leather-bound Ayn Rand collections from Franklin Mint?
They don't want no big guv'mint stickin' they hands into people's business!!! And they surely don't want no personal guv'mint BAIL-OUT!! That's soshulistic WELFARE! The nice insurance company people will make sure they're taken care of.
Amiright?
Exactly. The insurance companies will surely give them great service and do the right thing, because they are competing in the true market of capitalism, where the companies that provide the best products and services rise to the top, or something like that…
{grralllllllllghchokecough}
One of the St Louis local news broadcasts had a discussion yesterday on how much homeowners insurance rates would rise. There has been more wind and hail damage today, so the situation is not improving. I'm sure Adam Smith and Ayn Rand will be happy.
That lyin' African better keep his government hands off my FEMA aid!
But he should cut aid to other people, they don't deserve it.
Nah. There are plenty of people in even the reddest of states who don't support the Tea Party or dipshits like Cantor. The last Senate race in MO had the Dem getting over 40% of the vote. Unless you want to screw that 40%, you have to help the 60% that are idiots too.
Yeah, she was on earlier, apparently safe and sound
Whew, thanks
He's right. If we are going to find any Fed money, it should be returned to the richest people and corporations in the U.S.A. Victims of disaster are just whiney, money grabbing ingrates.
Yeah, Cantor, hold back on aid for flood and tornado victims. They should just be able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps in the wreckage of their homes and businesses and pay for all the damage themselves. Monster.
Hey, look at all the bootstraps! http://tinyurl.com/3bua7pw
Just help yourself to all you can find.
I live in this asshole's district. This doesn't surprise me in the least. He is basically scum.
Wow. Hope Roy Blunt is down with that… and hope that they don't have a recall petition option is Missouri for him. Cuz I think those folks wants Roy to "show me" the money for aid.
yes, safe she is.
I always liked Eddie Cantor better. Interesting fact: He coined the phrase and helped develop the "March of Dimes" . Eddie Cantor: humanitarian, Eric Cantor: dick
Ok, mouse dick it is.
So Joplin got hit by two EF-5s? The first was the tornado and the second was good old Eric Fuckstick-5!
OR! We could just sell Missouri to the Chinese…or anyone else for that matter.
No, Texas is the prize. Missouri is not so good, except for Branson. Texas, on the other hand, has the Alamo, the place where Kennedy was shot, and lots of cool bars in Austin. Could sell it to the Chinese for 100 million Buicks.
We do feel the pain. The reverse psychology post are venting at Cantor. All here are well aware of the lost, pain and despair.
I don't pray but I did put out a big ole "let them be healed" after all this destruction.
What if we take back all the social security money the government gave to Ayn Rand, and use that?
Eric Cantor doesn't care about white people.
Eric Cantor doesn't care about
whitepeople./fixed
Or a tax cut. Ya. We need more tax cuts to offset that spending!
True or legend, the idiot congressman will be reelected.
Nobody actually listens to Eric Cantor except Eric Cantor.
Call me vindictive, but if God would ACTUALLY smite something, could He please smite the Republican leaders for a change? Instead, of um, I don't know, just poor people trying to make a living? What kind of judgment is that?
In about four hours, my family and I will be staring down The Finger Of God, as it ambles into western Tennessee. But fuck Eric Cantor, because our representative, Stephen Fincher, will hook us right up if we suddenly get wiped off the rural map tonight.
Wait, what? You say that Stephen Fincher was elected on a Tea-Party-type "fiscal responsibility" platform?
God dammit.
Well, becoming the political party that actively wants their constituents to suffer and die is certainly a bold strategy.
I have no snark – these fuckers have no shame.
I could snark about this, but instead I'll just go ahead and say it.
What the fuck?
Cantor and Wicked Witch of the West — Separated at Birth????? http://www.realtownblogs.com/uploads/Vickims_R2_0…
If the democrats screw this election with the r's halting oil company taxation, emergency spending for emergencies, and medical care for the elderly (WHICH WILL BE ALL OF US) and the disabled (WHICH CAN BE ANY OF US) then I will be unable to suppress my verbal hostility with carbohydrates.
That I understand exactly how this can happen tells you I'm old.
Did you see Michael Moore on the Last Word? He said Democrats are like the team on the field who, when the opponent intercepts a pass, turns around and runs to the wrong goal, give the opponent lots of room while they say, "Turn around. Your goal is the other way."
I upfisted this, but I want you to know that I wasn't happy about it.
He wants something to defund to help rebuild Joplin? I have a proposal: defund Texas wildfire relief.
This all can be traced back to the Reagan era where he upped funding for tornadoistas.
They say them folks up yonder in the Bible Belt are a God-fearing people. And well they should be, given recent events.
FTW!
Rapture! 2011! (Old guy just forget to carry a two, or something).
"Oh, Lord, thank you for protecting us from Your wrath… which You also sent…"
– Kenny's parents on "south park"
I'm lost.
How does failing to rebuild a city after a disaster promote jobs?
By giving that money to an entrepreneur, who will use it to have cheap shitty goods made in China by hand whipped child laborers, and have it shipped back to the states for sale in WalMart it will keep an extra two people across the country employed (Wal Mart's portion of the distribution and sales and other jobs) and give the entrepreneur a bunch of money that will be used to build a fresh wing on the McMansion using illegals to build it and Canadian lumber so that half a gal at Home Depot gets to keep her job. That money could save two and a half jobs and make a campaign contributor for the Republican party a shithouse full of money. Jeez guy, do we have to spell it all out for you?
They will do like Bank of America does in Michigan and declare that the vacant lots are "urban farms".
According to Jerry Falwell, I'm sure it's because we're not hating the gays enough.
Cantor will change his *mind* or Boner will fix his head like Daniels got the other day. It's just tea bagger talk. Keep safe.
What if we just declared war on Missouri?
That's how you get GOP support for a billion dollar orgy of rebuilding. Shit, we'll even let Missouri have democracy.
You just solved the school funding issue!
Let's get Missouri to secede. They can pretend that their Mexicans are slaves, and we can pretend to be on a mission of freedom. Then, when we win, we can occupy Missouri with the federal army, and spend billions of more money in propping up . . .
Wait a minute.
Interesting…
*ponders with hand on chin*
Does Missouri have any oil, perchance?
Yeah. Play politics with the lives of people who have lost every material possession, and family members and friends as well. This is the Republican way! WHO ELECTS THESE NUMBSKULLS???
The people who have lost every material possession. What? You not familiar with the Red States?
FOX News.
Tweety just made a great point. Since you are no doubt the model for the political opinions of everyone who knows you, quit calling it the Ryan Plan for Medicare. Instead, it is the REPUBLICAN PLAN for Medicare. All but four Rs voted for it, amirite? They own it.
Say it near every fat fuck you see riding a scooter around the warehouse store.
C'mon Obama "chugging 40's in Ireland while tornadoes ravage MO" is the real travesty. Not cutting off aid to storm ravaged families. Or so says Fox "News."
Ironically, ignorant people who most likely need/use federal assistance the most.
That's sad and you and they have my heartfelt sympathy. There's good people in Ok. I don't know how the politics there got so self destructive. My old granny used to rant about "them woodenhaids" in the Hoover administration and grandpa was a UMW man.
Taking tornado victims hostage? Mr. Cantor, Mullah Omar doffs his turban to you. You have outdone the Taliban.
Three of my favorite qualities… Hooray.
I too was bullied… amazing though… when I see those guys today they are quite nice… if not just heading the other direction. And that was 35 years ago… grow up people.
That talent being no gag reflex.
coercion
coercion, in law, the unlawful act of compelling a person to do, or to abstain from doing, something by depriving him of the exercise of his free will, particularly by use or threat of physical or moral force.
See, Cantor, Eric
I think they are trying to get rid of the morons that vote for these idiots… hopefully.
It would be a lot easier to take political advantage of Cantor's callousness in Missouri, except that our own Dem Sen Claire McCaskill is pushing a budget plan that would basically abolish the federal government altogether. So, tough sledding there.
In other news, Dems announce they will refuse to raise the national debt ceiling until Republicans increase their demands.
Supposedly this doofus likes to remind people that he holds James Madison's Congressional seat (Virginia 5th District).
Mr. Madison should rise from the grave and slap the ever-living shit out of Mr. Cantor.
Don't worry, the good people of Missouri will still vote Republican in 2012.
Talk about repeatedly shooting yourself in your own foot.
Shooting themselves in the foot? Are you kidding?
The feet are long gone … they're at the self-kneecapping stage now.
BTW,
Wonkette Jr. Your last couple of stories have had a lot more bitchiness about them. Nice job.
He or she is showing quite a bit of promise.
Well, when it comes to Republican douchebaggery, the material pretty much writes itself, doesn't it?
These same wingnuts didn't put a dime of the money spent in Iraq or Afghanistan in their budgets. That was always a supplemental. Partly because they could thump their chests and act all patriotic but mostly because they didn't want those billions to add to the expanding budget deficits. Not that they care one bit about the deficit, they still don't, they knew it was a potential issue for Dems to use against them. Back then, as Cheney famously said, deficits didn't matter. One of the enduring mysteries of Washington politics is the assumption that Republicans are fiscally responsible in spite of the mountains of evidence proving the exact opposite. They didn't just fall to earth. Republicans have been in charge before. A record does exist if anyone is interested. That record is not one of fiscal responsibility. But we're all going to pretend this time will be different.
I would say "Keep fuckin" that chicken" but that poor pullet's poon is plain petered-out, perpetually pounded poorly by this putz.
That's some mighty good alliteratin'.
They could cut all aid to Israel. That would free up at least three billion dollars, so I am sure Cantor would immediately vote for it, right?
Joplin should just incorporate into Joplin, Inc. and then the Republicans can grant them tax cuts and all sorts of aid hand over fist.
I think it would have to be "Joplin, Inc., a wholly-owned subsidiary of Koch Industries." That should get them sucked into a veritable tornado of cash.
I'm a Jewish woman. Just upfront so no one can accuse me of being a Jew-hater. So let me say this:
If Eric Cantor had been alive in Nazi Germany he would have been a sonderkommando. (Go look it up).
Any synagogue that welcomes him under its roof defiles itself and blasphemes G-d.
and if Cantor had been living in New York in the 50s, he never would have been a sondheimkommando
I think he would have been; just one who was in the closet. (And I didn't think it was possible to make me laugh about this whole thing but you did.)
The way I saw it was "A Miss is as Good as a Mile" in an article touting the exercise benefits of sex…except for married sex, in which the act was as strenuous as slowly climbing one flight of stairs.
That's unfair. A dick is a part of a man.
And serves a purpose.
And stands up when needed.
What a bold, forward-thinking Young Goon!
Better.
We can't do anything about natural disasters, but man-made ones are fair targets for….sanctions. We need a cute "Santorummy" nick-name for this "Koch-Sucker".
Any good ones?
Dicklicking cocksucking pigfucking cow's twat?
Too short?
Oh! How about a "Cantor"- meaning: a scab sandwich and a glass of pus? As in: "I'd rather have a Cantor."
They're just trying to prove that "government" is horrible.
"See? You can trust us with shit, can you?"
I'd love to see the Dems go ahead and fund the disaster relief without cutting funds from somewhere else, just to see if the Republicans actually WOULD block the funding. It'd be a really fun exercise. But Dems are probably currently trying to figure out how they can bend over and take it up the ass while simultaneously sucking Republican cock. I mean, since it's tradition and all.
Just make disaster relief a rider on the Patriot Act reauthorization. Will slide through like shit through a goose.
Hmm. You show a highly evolved knowledge of our actual political process.
(Too bad Dems would never DO THAT.)
Cantor's just repeating the stuff about personal responsibility that Rush always talks about. It's perfectly reasonable. What's the big deal? I mean, if a community can't afford to rebuild itself, then it deserves to, you know, die. Right?
Heckuva job, Eric.
They should have budgeted for this tornado in 2010.
"the extra money will have to be cut from somewhere else."
Cut the various wars and there'll be plenty of money for repairs!
No. Somewhere else. And this time, no program Republicans have always tried to kill is off the table!
Cantor doesn't begrudge these fine Republican citizens their disaster aid. He just wants to make sure some tree-hugging Democrats have to give theirs up first. Don't you people get it??? THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A CLIMATE CRISIS!! Jim Inhofe said so. And he's never wrong!
I have an idea.
How about taking it out of Eric Cuntor's health care package.
He's already brain dead.
Non-starter. According to the GOP manual, a brain-dead corpse is just like a fetus, and is entitled to the full protection of the law. And has the right to carry a loaded pistol to defend itself against godless democrats, socialists, and communists. And gets an honorary NRA membership card and bumper sticker, also.
Cantor is so brave and courageous for doing this.
I bet your keyboard squealed in protest as you typed that.
didn't being a cantor once upon a time, mean a good thing???
Anybody want to chip in to buy a one-way ticket to Missouri for Rep. Cantor on Mel Carnahan Air?
"This should play well in Missouri next year"
And, yeah, depressingly enough, it probably will play well in Shitkick County, Mo.
Ten dollars to a donut says he'll frame it as "standing up to big government".
(I first typed "spin it", but, you know, too soon)
' The fuck did Ed Schultz say about that loathsome twatty bitch Laura Ingraham? Poor Ed was so contrite he was on the verge of tears and apologizing to every one he'd ever known since grade school and took himself off the air with no pay. This is bullshit. The faux news readers on fox never apologize for anything.
You know what means for the wonkeratti, don't you? I think we must decide to give up our hope of ever hosting our own teevee or radio show about poiitics, and probably dreams about serving on the federal judiciary are out, too.
If they tried to get the records on our real identities, how many time do you think they would have to waterboard Ken to get him to rat us out? Faster than Spooky Doktor Tom starting spilling as soon he was given immunity?
Downfister just put on his rubber gloves.
' The fuck did Ed Schultz say about that loathsome twatty bitch Laura Ingraham? Poor Ed was so contrite he was on the e of tears and apologizing to every one he'd ever known since grade school and took himself off the air with no pay. This is bullshit. The faux news readers on fox never apologize for anything.
I have a feeling the wonkeratti should never aim to have their radio or teevee show or be appointed to the federal bench, because when Ken gets waterboarded a few times he'll break and they ll know who we are in real life.
How do you like being held hostage now, Red State Voting Morons.
Lizzie, I bet you're WAY better-looking than your picture!
Eric Cantor is way better looking than my picture!
Huzzah!
It's the long-awaited sequel to "All Work and No Play Makes Jack a Dull Boy"!
"And so many of the people in the area here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this–this (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them."
– Barbara Bush
Best of luck to you and those in your circle Heroine… We do not wish harm on real people… only those that truly can't give a shit for you… or us.
Government knows a lot more
re what's up with the weather
than they want us to know…
Oh, stop HAARPing on this, already. Chemtrails zionist 9/11 Illuminati to you, too.
The NOAA knows a lot more than the GOP wants you to know.
fixed.
My takeaway is that it is good to have filthy assistants…
I don't think anybody is laughing here.
I'm a Husker and we had a town about 40 miles southeast of here wiped off the map a few years ago and we have had Tornado warning bulletin escape routes (Fucking parking garage) posted all over my work over the last three days.
I think everybody here is directing their criticism at anybody that would withhold the help that you desperately need. I can tell you that Nebraska sent help to Missouri immediately and will send as much help to you as you need.
Just don't plagiarize, OK?
Okay okay, I'll mix it up with some interesting compounds (motherfucker, dog-fucking, etc.) and foreign equivalents. Maybe format a page to form an angry face while I'm at it.
There are galleries in NYC that will put it on the walls when you're done. Good luck!
Still waiting for Pat Robertson to tell me what these good mid-westerners did to bring this down on their heads…
Eric seems to need a life lesson.
Lesson 1: Karma bitch.
GOP: no conscience, no soul, no surprise. Saddens me to realize that if the Rapture HAD happened last weekend, and regardless of their professed christianity, they'd all still be down here scaring babies and pushing old people off cliffs.
Before flying away on his broom, Cantor then screeched "… & that goes for your little dog TOO, Missy!"
Wheeee!! I am on Canal across from what used to be Northwestern Station.
Not to mention, What Carlyle Group?® and Let's Play Bohemian Grove™ (pay your dues before midnight and Dick Cheney will personally serve you a Roasted Baby stuffed with foie gras and seal tenders and after dining you may pee on your waiter).
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