you're doing it wrong

Sarah Palin Spokesperson Savagely Attacks Bristol Palin

Finally, a post about Bristol Palin and Tucker Carlson, so we can use this weird old picture.Reality-television curiosity Sarah Palin has a crazy spokesperson who can’t seem to shut up on Twitter. That’s fine when you’re attacking the liberal elite, but it’s not so fine when the person paid to promote the Palin basic-cable brand is instead verbally attacking one of the actual Palins who makes basic-cable programs. This is what Sarah’s spokesperson Rebecca Mansour has been caught doing: criticizing and insulting abstinence icon Bristol Palin. This is what Mansour wrote about poor Bristol, just because Bristol committed the apparent sin of wanting to get back together with the father of her baby: “Two words: Patti Davis. Okay three more: Ron Reagan Junior. Two more: Billy Carter. Doesn’t your family have one?” By “one” here, Mansour means “embarrassment to a political family.” And she gets paid for this? We would like to apply for the job of insulting the Palin family while being paid by the Palin family. Sarah, call us!

Our Internet crush Alex Pareene explains the other sins Mansour committed, on Twitter:

Tucker Carlson’s Internet Tendency has published a series of private Twitter messages sent by Rebecca Mansour, Sarah Palin’s closest advisor, to an unknown “online-only acquaintance.” The direct messages forwarded to the Daily Caller were sent in the summer of 2010, and they contain a number of unflattering descriptions of various figures in the Republican party and the conservative press ….

Mansour calls Palin “BigBoss” and Mitt Romney “Mittens.” She says “Evangelicals 4 Mitt” is a “fake org.” She calls blogger and CNN personality Erick Erickson “a total douchebag” and a “greasy dumb ass with a talent for self-promotion.”

Is “greasy” a thing people still say? Is Erick Erickson of an ethnicity that’s usually the target of such slurs? Danish or something? Also, didn’t Wonkette ex-editor Jim Newell invent the nickname “Mittens” for Romney? We have never seen “Mittens” anywhere else, mostly because we’ve only ever read about Mitt Romney in Jim Newell posts. [Salon]

About the author

Wonkette Jr., everybody! Hooray!

View all articles by Wonkette Jr.
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


  1. Captain_Quark

    Bristol Palin is the Billy Carter of our times. America has come a long way in 35 years. Once upon a time, we were satisfied with white trash that sat around getting drunk and launching a novelty beer label. Now we demand that our white trash be an unwed teen mom who skanks it up in a phony dance competition, has cosmetic surgery, and launches her own reality show. This is what "Winning the Future" looks like. USA! USA!! USA!!!

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      And it's funny a colorful guy like Bill Clinton gets off the hook here, not having any prominently embarrassing people in his family. Well, except for Bill Clinton.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Roger? No, not really. Sure, he was gross and pathetic, but not enough of famewhore to get much media attention, as I recall. His story was spun almost immediately into that lame old Dem touchy-feely "oh here's a poor lost soul who needs help" before he really had much of a chance to entertain us. It's too bad; he had potential.

    2. genxr

      So instead of Billy Beer we get Bristol Meth?

      My how this once great nation has fallen.

  2. PuckStopsHere

    I'm sure she was taken out of context by the lame-stream media and/or was responding to a liberal (sorry for the redundancy) reporters gotcha question. It's not like these people to tell the truth, after all.

  3. fuflans

    to be fair, sarah palin's spokesperson would know a:

    "greasy dumb ass with a talent for self-promotion.”

    1. CrankyLttlCamperette

      Apply? The Wonkeratti generate that kind of content for free — though a commission would be nice (and about damn time).

    2. Chillwaver

      Remember when she twatted bitching about all the "lamestream" media outlets because they ignored Sarah's "speech" in Madison, WI? Sounds like hard work.

  4. Native_of_SL_UT

    “greasy dumb ass with a talent for self-promotion.

    Why did she have to go and say that? Now I have a crush on her.

  5. mull_man

    Great – I'll be on the lookout for a six-pack of Bristol Beer – "Skanky to the last drop!"

      1. Callyson

        Which will have the effect of making you want to drink more. Good business strategy on the brewer's part…

    1. Negropolis

      He does, and it's a terrible one. It's like a potent amalgam of smugness and bitterness.

  6. 4tehlulz_lite

    The last entry is:

    Mrs. Rebecca Palin
    Mrs. Rebecca Palin
    Mrs. Rebecca Palin
    Mrs. Rebecca Palin
    Mrs. Rebecca Palin
    Mrs. Rebecca Palin …

    1. horsedreamer_1

      The portrayal of Becca's conversion in some Vanity Fair Palin piece — at this point, the Palins are replacing Marilyn, Di, & the Kennedys for prominent Graydon Carter spank-banking — always did strike me as opportunism. Meaning, if Bristol is the new Roger Clinton, is Rebecca Mansour the new David Brock?

  7. An_Outhouse

    Shouldn't this post be titled "Tucker Carlson is Still a Narcissistic Asswipe and Still Publishing Meaningless Horseshit"? 'Mittens' and 'Eric the Greasy Dumbass is a douchebag' are not exactly news.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      Well, now, "Tucker Carlson is Still a Narcissistic Asswipe and Still Publishing Meaningless Horseshit" isn't exactly news either, is it?

    1. hooray4anything

      If only W was seen as he really was– the Billy Carter of the Bush family.

  8. SorosBot

    Also, we've got one more clue on Wonkette Jr., as the crush on Alex Pareene indicates that our mysterious new overlord is either a lady or a gay man.

        1. Ken Cuccinelli

          Yeah, sorry. I agree with everything he says but PCs, esp. PC laptops, are cost-driven piles of Taiwanese fabricated shit. Microsoft has encouraged this sort of thing because if you have to buy a new laptop every 2 years, it means Windows license revenue for them.

          So you can "overpay" for a MBP or you can "overpay" for a Lenovo Thinkpad. I'll grant you that head to head, the Lenovo is probably a better value for the money- but you cannot deny that Apple laptops are extremely well constructed.

          But these people who rant about Apple and then turn around and don't blink when their six-month-old HP laptop cracks a screen hinge, I can't stand. It's like these people desire shitty technology just because it's not Apple-made.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I was thinking the same thing. And then, reading this:

      Mansour calls Palin “BigBoss” and Mitt Romney “Mittens.” She says “Evangelicals 4 Mitt” is a “fake org.” She calls blogger and CNN personality Erick Erickson “a total douchebag” and a “greasy dumb ass with a talent for self-promotion.”

      And I figure that Wonkette Jr. is either Ms. Mansour, or Jim Newell is gay and the chief spokesman for Sarah Palin. Either way, I'm fine with it.

  9. OneYieldRegular

    You misunderstand, in typically lamestream fashion. These comments were only surveyor's marks.

  10. mumbly_joe

    Huh. So, being with "child out of wedlock"== "the moral role-model of a generation", but "wanting to stay together, for the children"=="profound political embarrassment".

    Are these people sure that they're conservatives?

  11. PuckStopsHere

    How'd 'ya get to zero p on this altogether excellent bit of commentating in less than 2 mins??? Down. Fister. About.

  12. Barb

    Mansour calls Palin “BigBoss”
    Good answer, Mansour! we would have also excepted "Moosalini" "stupid cum catcher" and "the gal Todd fucks when his hooker has her monthly cycle'

    1. DashboardBuddha

      "his hooker has her monthly cycle"

      Don't they have more than one hooker in AK, or are they all on the same cycle?

      1. Barb

        Wow, I didn't mean to call it "monthly cycle" I should have said "riding her red snow machine" Sorry!

        1. DashboardBuddha

          "riding her red snow machine"

          Very good…is this phrase in common usage? If it isn't, it will be now.

    2. user-of-owls


      How could you possibly leave out Lizzie's ultimate descriptor: "dozy cunt."

      1. emmelemm

        Isn't that usually applied to dudes, though, for extra impact? (And Britishness?)

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    She calls blogger and CNN personality Erick Erickson “a total douchebag” and a “greasy dumb ass with a talent for self-promotion.”

    Even the blind squirrel finds an acorn now and then.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      I call partial bullshit on this one, as the "greasy dumb ass with a talent for self-promotion" so totally applies to her "BigBoss."

      1. jqheywood

        Yeah, but to be fair, it applies to a LOT of people (& I am using "people" in the loosest possible sense here…)

  14. memzilla

    Oh Rebecca… we've told you that oxy, meth, alcohol, and a Roget's Thesaurus don't mix.

  15. WhatTheHeck

    No. Goddamnit. Our family does not have “one.” Its just that we don’t talk to certain members of the family. So how could they be “an embarrassment” if we don’t talk to them?
    In the case of Bristol. Just ignore her and she’ll go away.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      To Arizona. With her mother on her heels. And I'm sure it's no coincidence the Jon Kyl isn't running for reelection.

  16. hagajim

    I read that Bristol doesn't think there is such a thing as dating….maybe there is, if you don't take the cock every time you go out…

    1. tessiee

      Either that, or she's just not familiar with the use of the word "dating" as a euphemism for bamp-chicka-bamp.

  17. DaSandman

    The swamp sows of Palin, Inc have turned on each other. Lets pull up a seat and enjoy the carnage.

    Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets…

  18. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, Bristol doesn't hold a candle to Billy Carter. We've evolved since the 1970s, and now our politicians (well, Sarah at least) is far more of an embarrassment than any of her other family members or wayward offspring could be. Carter couldn't handle being president, but at least he was smart enough to realize that he was in over his head. Dubya, on the other hand, wrecked the joint and thinks he's some sort of combination of Churchill, Marshall and Bismarck. Hell, Bristol could probably beat her mom in an election if they ran against each other.

    1. dr_giraud

      Billy Carter did a stint as a registered agent for Libya. Bristol needs to dream bigger.

  19. baconzgood

    And Sarah is going to mindlessly yammer about the "lamestream media" in 5…4…3..2..

    1. SorosBot

      It'll be especially juicy as the "lamestream media" is Tucker Carlson; the circular firing squads are always fun to watch. It won't be long until the Palins have alienated every other right-wing politicians and media figure; they've gone through enough of them already.

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        They come to Wonkette in the Biblical sense, they stay in the buttsex sense.

  20. Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

    I think all the Palins are competing to be the embarrassment to the family.

  21. WunkRocker

    The Palins unlike all the other examples are a family made up of only the Roger Clintons, Bill Carters, W's, there's not one JFK, or fuck, one Gerald Ford.

    1. Eve8Apples

      It's hard to believe, but the modern GOP actually makes Gerald Ford look competent.

      1. Nothingisamiss

        Ya know, Gerald Ford was a decent guy. Not as shrewd as Nixon, far less evil than any R who came after. And Betty was/is wonderful.

  22. EatsBabyDingos

    "Basic-cable brand?" This crew is so snowbilly retro it ought to be "Basic Dixie cup-kite string brand."

    Makes Ross Perot's "crazy aunt in the basement" seem like the normal relative.

        1. Bonzos_Bed_Time

          I know a guy who is obsessed on those stupid domes. Apparently it is contagious.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Well, if you want to bring a copyright infringement suit, I'm sure Sorosbot and I would be happy to take your case.

    2. Nothingisamiss

      I'm gonna be the only shameless toe sucker on this thread? JIM…WE LOVE YOU, MAN!

      (I seriously miss your Peggith Noonighamshire posts. One day she'll be dead and you'll be sorry you didn't make more fun of her. Seize the day, is what I'm saying.)

    3. Bonzos_Bed_Time

      So, Newell and Neilist (and Eleanor!) both just happen to post on the same day, eh…

      A coincidence? I think not!

        1. Bonzos_Bed_Time

          2nd page here… right below your Patti Davis comment. And Eleanor/Trueliberal replied! Will wonders never cease?

    4. Negropolis

      Jim, I knew Ben Franklin. Ben Franklin was a friend of mine. Mr. Newell, you are no Ben Franklin.

  23. Texan_Bulldog

    Rebecca Mansour is stoopid. Who says that kind of shit to an “online-only acquaintance"? Sounds like she thought she was going to get someone to finally like her and think she was the cool chick with all the best gossip. Intertubes fail.

    1. emmelemm

      Too true. And this woman is, in theory, some sort of PR person/paid to manage someone's "image"? In this day and age, if you don't have a better grasp on the perils of "loose emails sinking ships", you are not qualified to be a PR person.

  24. Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

    Pierre Curie, William of Orange, Boutros-Boutros Ghali, …

    Am I on the right track?

  25. Flat_Earther

    How much will Bristol get for promoting abstinence by fake living on TV with two men and her baby? I guess it’s good that there are two men. One can watch the kid while she is doing the other. She’ll be a great example of motherhood and abstinence. I can’t wait for the episode where grandma visits.

    1. tessiee

      "fake living on TV with two men and her baby"

      Two and a Half Men and a Dumpy Skank

      1. Flat_Earther

        Could be like-mother-like-daughter. I wonder how many people Sarah "knew" during her muti-campus college career?

        Bristal could serve as a drunk 12:30 booty call if all you had to do was walk down the hall. It would be even better that you could go back to your own room and not have to face here in the daylight.

        1. tessiee

          "Bristal could serve as a drunk 12:30 booty call if all you had to do was walk down the hall."

          Assuming that she could get into any college that didn't have the word "Barber" or "Clown" in the title.

  26. BaldarTFlagass

    Doesn’t your family have one?
    I thought she was talking about a bastard birthed out of wedlock.

    1. emmelemm

      Or a kid who's really the younger generation's teenage pregnancy kid but gets raised by grandma as a sibling. (Lots of families have those!)

      1. jus_wonderin

        Hey, wait just a dawggone minute. You mean Mom is not supposed to be 114 years old???

  27. DashboardBuddha

    I've said before…I NEVER get tired of watching wingnuts feed on each other. This warms my heart in shameful ways.

  28. bumfug

    What's that surveyor's symbol-looking thing that just appeared on Rebecca Mansour's face?

    1. AngryGeometer

      "This grifter shit is so easy. I get what you get for a brick just to talk greasy." — Sarah Palin, pace 50 Cent

  29. Sue4466

    Sounds like someone got caught being honest! Only one down on the sin scale from having book learning.

  30. freakishlywrong

    "Doesn’t your family have one?”

    Yes. In the case of Ron Reagan , a heart and a soul.

  31. Fuck Toad

    "Mansour calls Palin “BigBoss”"

    Oh god, that's why Bristol and Willow and Piper look so much like each other! It's a cloning project… Les Palins Terribles!

    And that explains the hookworms, too. They're nano-hookworms!

    If Tawd shows up with a mustache and a couple Single-Action Army revolvers, that's it, I'm expatriating.

    1. easynewz

      Well I'm gonna contact Hollywood and see if they're interested in my modified screenplay entitled The Girls From Wassil(a). Wonder who they'll get to do a reprise of Gregory Peck's role?

    1. tessiee

      "all this time you've been insulting the Palins…FOR FREE. You've been sitting on a gold mine."

      That's a non sequitur.

  32. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    OK, which one of you is Rebecca Mansour? Speak up, you know it's going to come out one way or another…

    Uh-oh, downfisty didn't like that… maybe a little too close to home???

  33. Chet Kincaid

    Have you heard the legend of the Abominable Mansour of the Northwest? More shambling yeti than woman, its sarcastic roar drives dangerous wildlife from your camp, leaving it free to devour your children in their tents, one by one.

  34. Mort_Sinclair

    Mansour, doubtless fueled by an admixture of chemical substances robust enough to bring down a rogue (like how I did that?) elephant combined with shockingly low cognitive ability, has forgotten that she is not in high school any more.

      1. Nothingisamiss

        Beat me to it. This girl did not enjoy high school and a team of psychwenches working around the clock would only scratch the surface of her pathologies.

  35. FidoMcCokefiend

    Any twit that retweets what I tweeted on Tuesday is retweeting a falsehood.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      I think you've just provided the shortest known proof of Goedel's Undecidability Theorem.

  36. horsedreamer_1

    Ron Reagan, Jr. — who looks and sounds just like his dad — went to Julliard. Remind me, again, where Sarah Louise Heath went to college.

  37. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Whenever I hear about Bristol, I think I should become a famous anti-drug spokesman, as that would guarantee I get all the drugs I want for free, right? I mean, it worked for Nancy Reagan.

  38. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Truthfully, does anyone really think someone writes the various Palin tweets? I've been assuming there is a computer somewhere in India that just randomly puts together the daily headlines, blog posts from wingnuts, and L33t Speak and post them to the net.

    1. tessiee

      "does anyone really think someone writes the various Palin tweets? I've been assuming there is a computer somewhere in India"

      On the basis of my calls to various IT and Help Desk folks, I'm guessing that most people in India are more fluent in English than any of the Palins.

  39. user-of-owls

    Ms. Mansour, I knew Meg Stapleton, Meg Stapleton was a friend of mine. Madam, you're no Meg Stapleton.

  40. AJW@[redacted]

    I'm not gonna read every comment to check, but any post with RAM's name mentioned in it must also contain a link to photographic evidence of her very existence. Also, gle2n beck should be made to comment on her visage, also.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      George Clinton, William Kennedy, Sean Hayes, James Harrison, Jermaine Jackson…

  41. ThundercatHo

    Headline prediction: "Former Palin aide dies in tragic snow machine accident"

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Do you know how many plane crashes there are in Alaska?

      More deniability with one of those taking out Becca. Plus, if her size is as reported, it could be chalked up to an Aaliyah like cause. (Overstuffed plane.)

  42. DustBowlBlues

    Hey! Cute little Wonkette Junior has been typing his little head off. He's already up to 69 posts! If he stops there, we'll know that Junior is an adolescent boy.

  43. DustBowlBlues

    I like Ron Reagan. So sue me. Just don't reload and use your 2nd. Amendment rights over the deal.

  44. DustBowlBlues

    Has anyone heard from okiedokiedog? I think they felt the delayed Rapture! 2011! over in his neck of the woods more than we did here. In actual woods, come to think of it.

  45. DaRooster

    OT- So… it seems our li'l downfister has a new picture… hmm…
    Remember… he's on the RIGHT… I'm on the left… He's not too bright… I'm "sometimes" deft.

  46. jus_wonderin

    This reminds me of that classic episode of Bewitched in which a loose tread from an oversized sweater dress gets caught in a dog's collar who just happens to be chasing a cat.

    Hilarity ensues.

    (I am not sure who was wearing the dress; Samantha would be to smart not to use her magic to stop time.)

    Edit: it was Serena, that little scamp!

  47. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Two words: Patti Davis. Okay three more: Ron Reagan Junior. Two more: Billy Carter. Doesn’t your family have one?

    A gay and/or drunk? Sure, I mean, the First Dude, but who else?

  48. tessiee

    Now, doggone it, I thought the headline was meant to be taken literally!
    Here I was hoping to see Brillo with broken kneecaps and a backwards "M" carved into her face (I know, I know), and I've gone and got my hopes up. Then I read the story, and it turns out that Witchy Poo was just snarking on Whistle online like we do here all the time?

    I'm disappointed. Very disappointed.

  49. KeepFnThatChicken

    If you call a white person "greasy," that's just a tacit insult which hurts like a nerf ball. In fact, you're making up things to be equal for the other races, as we know whites are squeaky clean and honest at all times — unlike other soiled people we won't mention.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Since edgydrifter's well-received comment so many months ago, I don't believe an improved context for "greasy" anything can be conjured up.

  50. GeneralLerong

    so…being a mouthpiece for a dumbass with a talent for self-promotion is OK, so long as she isn't "greasy."

    Dunno – Palin's hair looks skanky and greasy a lot of the time. Probably because she's a maverick and doesn't hold with the blonde and lacquered hair beloved of Republican dope robot wives.

    And, Rebecca, you could use a stylish haircut, too.

  51. Guppy06

    She says “Evangelicals 4 Mitt” is a “fake org.”

    So they're Scientologists?

  52. predilectrix

    I encourage folks to read it for themselves, but here are my favorites:
    There Will be Blood Libel.
    No Country for Black Men
    Two Mewls For Sister Sarah
    The Scum Also Rises
    Citizen Vain
    Razing Arizona
    Star Whores
    High Plains Grifter
    True Grift.
    Wet Dreams May Come (The Rich Lowry Story)
    the mongolian candidate
    To Shill a Mocking Turd
    Blithering Heights
    Something Wicked This Way Comes!
    Das Boob
    Sled-dog Millionaire
    Fall of the House of Musher
    my big fat weak vetting.
    The Half-Terminator
    Plan Whine From Outer Space
    The Non-Reader
    To Have and Have More
    The McCain Mutiny
    Lies Actually

  53. Negropolis

    Danishes can be quite greasy, in fact. Damn, swarthy Danes, every last one of them. No one has lost any.

  54. Negropolis

    Would someone tell Becca that she's a parasite of a parasite, already? Does she realize how much she doesn't matter, and how much she sounds like a totally irrelevant Mean Girl high school intern?

  55. OneDollarJuana

    At least there was Billy Beer, and it was kinda drinkable if you got it really cold.

  56. HuddledMass

    Neilist? Really?

    Ken, please note: Retro-day at Wonkette has produced side-effects.

  57. WhatTheHeck

    So we'll put down your absence to being “A lost weekend” and leave it to that.

    If you are Wonkette Jr., why is there no mention of armaments in your postings?

  58. SorosBot

    You enjoy conversations with yourself?

    And welcome back; OK not really, nobody missed you.

Comments are closed.