How might make-believe GOP candidate Tim Pawlenty distinguish himself with the elderly Tea Party voters? By taking away their Medicare and Social Security, so they will die! This is a very tricky strategy that only a fictional Minnesota superhero could invent. What else could he do to make sure he never wins a primary? How about going to Iowa and telling the welfare-farmer ethanol growers that he will take their money away? The man from the ethanol industry in Iowa responded with this, “Iowans look forward to Governor Pawlenty further detailing his plans to phase out petroleum subsidies, perhaps in a speech in Houston, Texas.” Is that really all the Iowans look forward to? What about Memorial Day Weekend, wouldn’t they traditionally look forward to that?
The other problem for Tim Pawlenty (if he exists) is that he took a ton of socialist federal stimulus money when he was governor. Truckloads of socialist billion dollar bills, all with Obama’s face on them. Maybe he can be Mitt Romney’s choice for vice president, and they can run as “The White Obama Twins.” [New York Times]
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T-Paw will steal the clothes off your grammy's back! Now that is urban.
Except he'll get someone else to do it, 'cause he doesn't want to get old on his hands.
Without a dead fetus story, Tim Yawnplenty is going nowhere.
Can he borrow little Gabriel from Rick Santorum?
Fetus Jar Bush claims seniority. It's the Republican way.
I hear you can rent one from Gary Bauer.
Is that what they mean by 'rent-boy?'
I doubt this will hurt him in the polls. By the time he got to the part in his speech about ending Medicare and Social Security, everyone in the audience was probably asleep.
Or died of boredom.
But he seems to be a good dad.
Or at least not a serial child molester, as far as we know.
He is sympathetic to them though. http://rt.com/usa/news/pawlenty-pardoned-child-mo...
I love you for that refrain.
He's a terrible candidate. Simply a-pawlentying.
Pawlenty of Nuthin' here.
"White Obama Twins"? How 'bout Schwartzeneger/DeVito/2012? They're fictional, too.
It's always sunny (when the Governor is filling the help).
Tanner '88/Pawlenty '12
… The Aristocrats!?
It's a family campaign
T-Paw: Whiter than Mitt Romney.
hard to believe, I know
It's like those paint strips at the Sherwin Williams where they have 30 shades of white and twice as many of off-white.
I think there are 130 at Benjamin Moore- that is why it is called Moore.
T-Paw: The Other White Meat.
Not recommended for use with Mrs. Pawlenty.
Or Mrs. Pawlenty's Fish Sticks.
Used to know a guy like that, we nicknamed him "Veal". Which fits, so from now on I'll call t-paw Veal.
You could say he's a whiter shade of pale.
Though it's Mitt that has the Harum
FTW
It is a race to the bottom in the affections of American voters.
A welcome switch from a race to the bottom of Congressional pages.
"The era of small government is over,” Pawlenty told the Minneapolis Star Tribune in 2006. “I’m a market person, but there are certain circumstances where you’ve got to have government put up the guardrails or bust up entrenched interests before they become too powerful. . . . Government has to be more proactive, more aggressive.”
Yeah, why don't you go back to Russia pal.
Guardrails? Kind of a cosmetic improvement. What about re-inforcing the bridge's struts?
You're just wasteful. Everyone knows you don't spend any money on a bridge until it collapses.
Now that the rapture didn't pan out for last Sunday, I suspect quite a few bluehairs are suddenly having second thoughts about killing Medicare.
The Rapture has been rescheduled to sometime next year – Oct, maybe. Whatever. You know that Camping fucker ain't just gonna go away.
Psst, T-Paw, the bitter white oldz who comprise the Republican primary electorate only want to get rid of government services that they see as benefiting the other, like "welfare queens" and young sluts who have abortion parties; not them.
Exactly correct!
Damned government shouldn't be using my tax dollars (last collected in 1958) to allow those whores to get away with having sex out of marriage. Or for helping those brown people I saw at the Woolworth's lunch counter yesterday. Or was that last week?
In their fervor to suck the balls of the Teabaggers, they don't quite seem to get that whacking SS and the two Meds isn't going to play to the majority of adult voters who have planned on having at least two of the unholy fiscal triumvirate as part of their retirement. Which of the personality-free field will finally turn on the Rich and roll back the Bush tax cuts — thereby pleasing voters but royally pissing off party faithful and the deep GOP pockets that buy elections fair and square?
Assuming the D's can keep the Olds from fucking up on Election Day (as they did in 2000's Florida debacle), these assholes should lose by incredible, almost Mondale-esque, proportions.
(Wear your glasses next time, you vain, old fucks!)
But first the D's need to remember that killing SS & Med is a bad idea. They will have to overcome their me-too reflex which kicks in whenever the R's are doing something.
You're right. Unfortunately, too many D's have forgotten who that guy on the dime is and why we put him there.
The only reason Tim is running for President is so he can spend December -March in California, Arizona, Texas and Florida "campaigning" this year.
Mark my words sheeple. The Repugs fixed it 2010 and perfected it. Assholes can say and do what ever they want. They could even dig up Dick Cheney and get him elected. Remember, wingtards yelling "voter fraud" have every intention of committing it. While they're busily disenfranchising voters all over their states; something fucked is afoot. (And we're fucked).
agreed.
Something Fucked This Way Comes.
The Ice Men Always Win Twice
George Gervin didn't even win one NBA title.
But he was still awesome!
Welp… you know me Freak…
Any Ass-hat/Diebold 2012!
They have NO need to behave… it is already done…
I hope to Gawd you live up to your name.
And we'll be fucked by big Kochs.
Bridge to No Hair 2012!
~
To reach the Tea Party he will need a weekly shortwave broadcast from some bunker out west. You know the part of the country I am talking about it looks like kitty litter when you fly over it.
Galt's Gulch?
So you've seen my place, then.
WWCR . They broadcast Brother Stair and Pete Peters, obviously they'll sell an hour of airtime to anyone.
Define Pawlenty?
A beige politician for a colorful time.
An ungrateful Baby Boomer, son of a union delivery truck driver, who cannot grasp the impact of organized labour on the course of his life.
Dull + Hockey – Bridge = T-Paw
Dirty Iowans with their dirty ethanol money.
He could run with Lindsey Graham… that way there'd be two different crackers on the same ticket.
Needs more lutefisk.
Lye to me.
Isn't it obvious by now that the republicans' plan is to not win? They don't want to win because then they couldn't whine and moan and just fuck everything up and have a colored guy to blame it on.
Timmy!
Livin' a lie… TIMMAY!
Thank you for getting the reference, my friend. Timmy!
Dude, don't start that nonsense! Apparently special needs references almost led to the premature death of Wonkette.
/kidding, I love a good South Park reference
I always encoded it as more of a "TIMMAUGH!!!"
God help America if this is as interesting a candidate as the GOP can come up with. At least I can't omagine him having illicit sec with anhyone, or licit sex for that matter.
Wish he'd shove that can of Spam in his mouth whole.
Would rather seem him stick it some where else, repeatedly with no lube.
Bridges will be dropping all over the country, but the Kock's will have lots more money to buy more political power, so what could be wrong with that.
Pawlenty Bridge has fallen down… fallen down… fallen down.
Pawlenty Bridge has fallen down… Let's kill grammie.
God helps if this is the best the GOP can do. On the other hand hurray for America. What is good for the GOP is I can't imagine him having illicit sex with anyone. Or licit sex for that matter
Talk about killing your customers. Even if he does manage to trick the olds into voting for him, and then they die as promised, who will vote for him next election? The Canadian hockey players sector?
It's a brilliant political move for T-Paw to fully embrace Hoovernomics, I mean it's not like his budget cuts in Minnesota caused any literal disasters that killed a dozen people that his opponents should point to or anything. Feel the Momen-Tim! (TM Wookies, I think).
I think Extemporanus pitched it as well, if not instead of~
tim darling, this is NOT the republican way. you must pander to your interest groups with fear mongering slogans and reductive arguments appealing to their worst instincts.
the truth may be out there, but under no circumstances must you tell it.
I think he's made the mistake of believing the teabaggers are being sincere in their screaming about the budget deficit instead of just using it as one more attack on the man they feel doesn't belong in the White House because he's too dusky.
Is it wrong to give him a smidgeon of respect for calling out ethanol subsidies? Candidates are so cute when they have no chance of winning.
The tea party doesn't like ethanol subsidies either. No, I don't give them any credit. They are horrible in too many other ways for that to even matter a little bit.
I miss Nelson Rockefeller. (Then again, so does Megan Marshak).
She had pussy to die for.
I doubt she misses the dead weight.
I thought Kristol was the human dildo?
Well, Anal Dildo.
Hell, I miss Harold Stassen.
I have no idea what that means but am Googllng it asap as it sounds dirty.
It's pretty hard to run on a platform of "America is broke, we must end entitlements, social services, and any taxes on corporations and uber-wealthy".
Oh, I dunno. It appears to be a workable strategy for "energizing" their Kock-drenched constituency.
If leadership and/or a basic grasp of logic were a prerequisite for holding public office, or voting, for that matter, these peckerheads would all be auditioning to be the next Billy Mays.
It has been a winner for the shit heads since Saint Ronaldus Maximus ran. Why change the same hymn you've been singing all these years? Some people really think the wealthy are going to buy a whole lot of stuff made in Amurka and get us all employed again real soon. They're the ones who have been waiting since Saint Ronaldus Maximus for that tide to float their boat.
Wait, hasn't this been the Republican platform for the last 30yrs? Just add control women and hate gays.
How about a military no bigger than in 1910? Maybe 1910's drug laws, too. That'd save a lot of money!
This Paw has Claws! Rowwwrrr.
Iowa is an ok state.
The most interesting thing about T-Paw is his ability to make killing old people seem boring.
Taking stimulus money is good if it is spent on me.
The other problem for Tim Pawlenty (if he exists) is that he took a ton of socialist federal stimulus money when he was governor. Truckloads of socialist billion dollar bills.
One might say bridgeloads.
A bridgeload isn't very much where he's from.
Wife snark off, once Mitch Daniels left the scene, doesn't it look like every remaining Republican hopeful is a caricature… a shadow… a sham… a glad-handing grifter?
I thought being a grifter was a requirement to have an R after your name. (Being a closeted homosexual is just a bonus when fundraising from the log cabin guys).
once Mitch Daniels left the scene, doesn't it look like every
remainingsingle goddamn Republicanhopefulin the history of ever is a caricature… a shadow… a sham… a glad-handing grifter?Fixed.
Totally right. How could I leave off the "goddamn"…?
Yeah, but can he convince any Iowan farmers or Texan petroleum wallahs to have sex with him? Cause his wife ain't having it.
BTW, I noticed the Pawdaddy has backed off his fake-ghetto roots. He now grew up in a "blue collar town" as opposed to "gritty" South St. Paul.
He's drawling now, so I'm thinking he's one cheek full of Skoal away from buying a pickup and pissing on trees and farting his way to a new populist image.
OK… I might as well throw my hat into the ring-
"I would like to thank everyone that came out today. Fuck you, especially if you are sick, old or out of work! My friends and I need a place to shit so open wide and say Aahhh! Oh and fuck the environment too! I would like to request that NO ONE takes to doubting the Official Ballot counts from the Diebold machines placed throughout the country… as it will do you no good! So FUCK YOU AMERICA… oh and God bless!"
(I should be careful… I'll get the "R" nomination)
"Please children — have a seat under my campaign bus so I can drive the bus over your snot nosed empty heads as I am pulling out of the parking lot. And folks, remember to drop all your lose change and paper money in the Koch collection buckets as you leave. The Koch boys won't rest until they have all the money in the U.S. and you are living at the homeless shelter, you worthless slobs."
Can I be your campaign speech writer?
Sorry… way too bright a picture… What are these "shelters" you speak of?
OT, but how does "Wonkette Jr." already have 60 posts to his/her credit after two days? I don't think I've made that many comments, even.
Probably everyone who tried out as an editor posted under the "wonkette jr" account going back into the misty reaches of time to the lost history of Wonkette.
Looking at the old posts, the Wonkette Jr. alias was used by previous editors while trying out; the last post before yesterday is followed a few "next post"s later gives this, so it appears the last one was Pareene:
http://wonkette.com/151416/letter-from-the-editor...
They're the Adulternator's illegitimate childrens' posts.
Diebold post-counting machines.
Also, semi-on/off topic, I get that Wonkette Jr. is a "tryout" byline, or something, kind of like the baseball farm teams or something [no, I don't know what I'm talking about], but how is the probationary editor to be judged?
Number of comments on each post? Comments complimenting the writing? Divine judgement by Ken and a little puff of white smoke out of the Vatican chimney?
Enquiring minds want to know.
Also, is there one Wonkette Jr., or several auditioners using the same alias?
I was just assuming that Pareene was bored.
Oh Baldar, you've made that many comments, you're quite the commenterbox.
Help!! I'm commenting and I can't shut up!!!
Meanwhile, back at the trailer park, I'm downfisting and i can't stop clicking those libs!!!
No other life? Lots of frustration?
On a clear day, you can see all the way into Wisconsin from Iowa.
Parts of Iowa.
Fistaroos for you! Timmeh! Jimmeh!
Needs more Mel Torme.
I'm thinking more "Ambiguously Gay Duo."
Maybe that's Schlock and Lindsey?
After seeing that teal belt and white pants ensemble, I doubt there's anything ambiguous about darling Aaron.
The only way that T-Paw can win is if he challenges Obama to a skate-off. Obama will be all HERP DERP I CAINT SKATE CUZ IM KENYAN then T-Paw will check him inna tha glass and skate around with the Stanly Cup right into the White House and our hearts.
God bless America.
These guys have got to quit flaming out so early. This is the kind of shit a candidate should say on Tuesday the week before the general, allowing even the electorally challenged Dems to shove it up their asses for one week. And then Hopey can glide into office and keep Bradley Manning in jail without a trial for another four years — for security.
No, wait, it's not too late for the Dems to blow it:
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/05/will-d...
Since whoever wins the Republican primaries is going to be shark food in the general election, they may as well go for the boring guy. No – not Mittens – this guy – what's his name.
Which character from the Matrix is he? One of the generic 'agents', one assumes.
I find it strange that none of the Republican candidates want to cut our half-a-trillion defense budget. Ha, just kidding!
I think I just had political nerdgasm.
Sorry….
You might want to wipe that off your sleeve.
Downfist within 8 minutes of posting? Downfisty's mom must have put methmilk on his corn pops today.
T-Paw give stupidity a bad name.
These idiots don't get it–they never get it. He can be the best fucking lackey, running dog or Gauleiter for the Kochs but will still get slaughtered when they decided it is time for a night of the long knives.
The sad part is, if Pawlenty had decided not to run, there'd be a bunch of Republican media figures talking about what a great candidate he'd have been.
The other thing Iowans look forward to is leaving Iowa forever.
Where corn don't grow.
All of the Iowans I know agree with this statement.
The other thing Iowans look forward to is leaving Iowa forever.
The other thing they look forward to is Tim Pawlenty leaving Iowa forever.
Pawlenty is a political genius. Now if he can just shit on the oil companies and the military industrial complex, his career suicide will be total.
Ahh, the circle of life. Ain't nature grand!
Pawlenty got his; screw the rest.
But here's something to consider: would his kids vote for him? I ask, because it is not questionable whether the children of Tommy Thompson (the grand-daddy of Upper Midwest "welfare-bustin'" Goopers) would vote for their father. They wouldn't. So, if family is paramount to a Republican*, then seeing that one's own family wouldn't support a candidate for higher office, shouldn't the rest of the population reconsider their support?
*It's not. See Vitter, David, & Ensign, John, officers of "the World's Greatest Deliberative Body".
Guiliani's son encouraging people not to vote for his dad in 2008 was fun.
& it worked.
(Possibly a correlation = causation fallacy on my part. But whatever, Rudy went nowhere.)
Patrick Schwarzenegger becoming Patrick Shriver is another good one.
Poor T-Paw, so innocent. No one's told him yet about the moment in the early Primaries when Granny Bluehair stands up and asks him, "What the fuck do you think you're doing with my Social Security, you little prick?" Trust me, it'll happen.
And now Social Security is going to be replaced with ten cents off coupons for spam, to be sent monthly.
After the price of Spam doubles 'cause the Kock's cornered the market.
There is Chinese SPAM. Russian, too.
We want to save your precious little Jesus like super fetus body in the womb but come out and we want you dead pronto.
Vote Republican.
And don't forget ending money for highways and bridge infrastructure. What's the worst that could happen? Oh, right.
Pawlenty is a not a real person. He's like one of those fake brands test marketers use to see how bad their brand compares against something that doesn't exist.
They were certain that a positive 'land of" association in the name would be helpful, but the focus groups positively loathed Jim Milkandhoney. Hooray for A/B testing!
Adding in the requisite link to the CRIPPLE FIGHT song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QksP2YIHjs
Next he is going to go to California and say he will take away their weed and ability to have babies out of wedlock!
Just as long as he let's us get away with banging housekeepers, us Californians will be okay
Who is Tim Pawlenty? I keep asking and no one seems to know.
Despite their angry rhetoric and faux "going Gault", the baggers are completely full of shit when it comes to government spending. They don't mind it one bit, as long is it's spent on them. Over 80% polled say medicare is off the table for cuts, same with defense.
Ryan at least has the balls to engage the issue, even though it will cost Republicans the election.
"Ryan at least has the stupidity to engage the issue, even though it will cost Republicans the election." That's better. Only a completely brainwashed randian twit with no political instincts would suggest maintaining W's budget buster tax cuts while throwing the elderly to the free market wolves would have lead that charge against the windmill. Paulie has balls, perhaps even big brass ones, but he is delusional and stupid as well. I think that kind of diminishes the "profile in courage" meme the repukes are trying to wrap this PR disaster in.
a fictional Minnesota superhero
on the plus side, the doonesbury icon should be a lot of fun.
Medicare DID quit paying for electric scooters about a year ago. I have elderly relatives in a rest home where this has been a real problem. People who used to be able to get down to the dining area on their own now have to have a resident assistant wheel them there. The net cost is probably higher without the scooters. That's all part of the $500 billion in cuts to Medicare.
Ultimately stopping payments for scooters will save Medicare money because people will die sooner due to isolation.
No, you're lying; there were no cuts to actual services to Medicare. The cuts were in administration on lower payments to insurance companies; services remained the same. Disingenuously lying about cuts to Medicare services was a big part of the slander against the Health Care Reform Act, and the platform of the GOP in 2010, though they then turned around and voted for the Ryan plan to destroy Medicare.
But I see you are another Breitbarter, so it's not surprising that you are a liar. I'm calling you out; you just made up that anecdote, you lying liar.
Just to clarify the discussion (sans histrionics), is it your assertion that Medicare still pays for scooters?
Yes, it does. A quick google of "Medicare scooters" will tell you that. They just changed the guidelines to try and make sure they only pay for them for people who actually need them.
You are just flat-out lying as usual.
Get your popcorn ready, folks!
Sorosbot is really sexy when he talks butch.
From the article: "His proposal drew expected criticism, including from the Iowa Renewable Fuels Association president, Walt Wendland."
What's the matter, Mister Wendland? With prices as fucking high as they are for your precious ethanol, what's the point of getting government money, too?
Margin of error: 248
Tim: Mom and dad? Is that you?
Fictional ‘Tim Pawlenty’ Candidate Vows To End
Medicare, Social SecurityCandidacyFixed.
also and off topic, but i hope blair is going to be covering michelle's europe trip and state dinner ensembles.
pub attire too…
Hmm. Think that might be what's motivating him to push up the rapture?
He's right about ethanol subsidies, and because he just possibly has a shred of sanity, he's destined to be ripped apart by the rabid, scooter-borne T-dogs. It'll be ugly and funny and there will be TruckNutz rammed in various orifices.
Ethanol subsidies are a big scam and should be discontinued.
Even Brazil, which is the poster-child for ethanol, manages to offset less than 15% of their petroleum consumption with ethanol. They consume over 2,100k/bbl oil per day and 300k/bbl of ethanol. And they've got EVERYTHING going for them – unlimited growing season, cheap land, plenty of water and labor.
My Medicare plan is better. Part 1: We drop it for everyone now because come on the country is broke, so buck up and be self-reliant you selfish commies. Part 2: Later, when I turn 65, we reinstate it for one year. Part 3: After that, we keep Medicare for those currently on it, and then accept no new applicants.
We'll save a ton of money, Medicare will remain solvent for decades to come, and I see no downside.
Downfisting troll is active today. Might have had something bad in his lunchbox today. Must have pissed Mommy off last night in bed.
Campaign announcement meet death panel.
Pardon me, did T-paw say something important, no, well, then, carry on…
"fictional Minnesota superhero"
Hey, no fair–Siegel & Shuster were from Cleveland, not Minneapolis…
Don't undermine what Ken sells the youngsters as "Wonkette's generous benefits package"! He also promises them that a year on Wonkette is 7 Gawker-Years, for resume purposes.
Hell no, Bachmann's just going to appoint herself to all the cabinet positions.
I thought she was going to rule over the senate and pass (constitushonal) laws there, just like it says in the constitushon!
Only tangentially related, but Metro Detroit congressman Thaddeus McCotter is seriously planning a run for president. Please, please, please look this guy up on YouTube. I would quite literally pay to see this guy in the GOP debates.
I'll shamelessly plug my post from another T-Paw thread:
What's that, Lassie?! Timmy's nascent presidential campaign is at the bottom of the Mississippi River in downtown Minneapolis?!…Good.
Reality calling Tiny Tim! Wake up, Tim, you have NO fucking chance!
Agreed.
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