For reasons as mysterious as the motivations of superheroes themselves, Marvel Comics has canceled plans to put out a comic book and cartoon show called Governator and starring the character of former California governor/gross old movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger. Why would such a sure hit be halted? Can’t a multi-millionaire celebrity/politician do whatever he wants?
Apparently not. Arnold had kind of a whoopsie by impregnating one of his servant girls and then she had the kid and now the kid is like, 10 years old.
And just like in Smallville, the kid is starting to become aware of his powers. For example, he will be rich forever. That’s pretty good! Especially considering that he apparently lives in Bakersfield right now. We drove through there once on the way to San Francisco (long story, but Interstate 5 out of Los Angeles splits at one point and if you’re not paying attention …), and wow. Do not want.
Hopefully there will be another comic book/cartoon about old German men soon, for the kids! [CNN]
{ 191 comments }
You're terminated, fucker.
Is that Arnold and Maria's wedding picture?
Hope he remembers to get the Turboman doll for his illegitimate child.
His sochulust son will just give it to Sinbad anyway
Isn't he Austrian?
Obligatory "You know what OTHER old German had a comic book" comment.
Obligatory Friedrich Nietzsche answer?
This one? http://blogs.westword.com/latestword/2008/11/dia_...
I am proud to say one of my grandbabies modeled for one of the kids in one of the murals. So I'm part, at last, of a vast conspiracy.
Well, that and you do take part here… so…
The Katzenjammer Kids?
You can't be that old.
That would be Super-Villain Team-Up #16-17, starring the Red Skull and the Hate-Monger, who is a certain real-world Austrian dictator of Germany brought back to life.
http://www.supermegamonkey.net/chronocomic/entrie...
There was some housepainter from Austria who wrote a book about his struggle…can't quite recall it now.
Uberman?
June Lockhart?
Cleopatra? (OK technically not German, but I'm sure she's had a comic book.)
(Edit: Ha I was right, not German, but Spanish.)
Edit-edit: Or possibly from outer space. That little gal really gets around.
I read a historical novel about Cleopatra that said that it was actually a very popular name in her family, which led to this confusing sentence:
"Cleopatra! Where have you been? Cleopatra's missing, and Cleopatra thinks Cleopatra kidnapped her! Cleopatra's out of her mind with worry!"
Sounds like my mother-in-law's family: four or five sisters, all named Maria.
(Yep, Mexicans.)
A friend of mine is from the Phillipines and all the sisters are named Maria-so they would all use thier middle names. you have to be named Maria(the religious thing-you know)
That was the Ptolemies; every man was named Ptolemy, every woman either Cleopatra or Berenice. Along with all the incest, it can make the family tree a bit confusing.
Kurt Waldheim?
Thor?
Beethoven? http://www.comicvine.com/beethoven/49-33326/
"Hopefully there will be another comic book/cartoon about old German men soon, for the kids! "
There's always this masterpiece, of course. An absolute classic!
Why waste all that product development? DSK is available. Call it The Rapeinator.
Well at least he's qualified to run for President of France now.
Silly Marvel. Think of the storytelling possibilities! An Austrian-American ex-politician and his half-Mexican bastard son go on the road in a van righting wrongs with kung-fu moves and fighting off Nazis (like Arnold's dad).
Anchor baby, obvs.
Say, you know which other Austrian-born political figure got himself into trouble… ?
Mel Gibson?
Franz Klammer?
But he recovered in miraculous fashion.
Kukla, Fran and Ollie?
Sigmund Freud?
Obligatory!
Bill Clinton?
Kurt "Anschluss" Schuschnigg?
Kurt Waldheim?
That Schiklgruber fellow?
Archduke Franz Ferdinand?
Donna Douglas?
Max Baer?
John Howard with that whole feeling up the Queen thing?
Ohhhhh, you said Austrian…
Bush felt up Angela Merkel when she was chancellor of Germany; does that count?
Hans Hermann Groër?
Crocodile Dundee?
Josef Fritzl?
Franz Joseph?
I spent a year in Bakersfield one night. It was like a never-ending dinner show of "Grapes of Wrath".
I heard Bakersfield described once as 100,000 Okies and 100,000 Mexicans fighting for 100,000 jobs.
Obligatory, this.
And, this pretty cool derivative, Ringo.
Strangely enough, they have a great music tradition: http://www.rockabillyhall.com/bakersfield.html
Maybe he could team up with Mel Gibson.
He hasn't resonated with anyone since True Lies… and that's because he co-starred with Tom Arnold.
I've heard that Larry Flynt's publishing house is VERY interested in picking up the project.
As they said in Add Age the Menendez brothers may be famous but they are unlikely to be the next Double Mint twins
Don't know why they'd cancel this. Just move it to nighttime cartoon network and add more boning. YOU'RE WELCOME.
Adult Fuck?
Isn't the mystery why anyone–ever–thought this was a good idea?
cocaine is a helluva drug.
That and… boobies!
For a second, I thought you meant why did anyone ever think cheating on their spouse is a good idea. It's usually a bad idea, but "thinking" is seldom a factor.
Arnold had kind of a whoopsie by impregnating one of his servant girls and then she had the kid and now the kid is like, 10 years old.
Total jump the shark episode, amiright?
Bringing in a new kid is a classic indicator that you've jumped the shark.
But I loved Poochie! He was the best thing that ever happened to the Itchy & Scratchy Show!
"The son is "a wonderful, very respectful, very intelligent young man," according to a neighbor who said she often spoke to him."
Are we sure this is Arnie's kid? Doesn't sound like it.
Didn't get it from his daddy.
What passes for respectful or intelligent in Bakersfield probably isn't exactly what you're thinking.
And he's very quiet, never bothers anybody.
Get to the Choppa!
~
What would this governator actually do that could form the basis of one comic book, let alone a series?
HIs entire term as Governor was a straight out of a comic book.
they don't usually base comic books on the villain, do they?
He can bankrupt a state in a single term.
Then I guess Scott Walker, Rick Perry, Rick Scott, Mitch Daniels, John Kasich, Chris Christie, Nicky Haley, Jan Brewer will all have their own comic books. If we add morally bankrupt, we can also include Mark Sanford, Sam Brownback.
Just one comic book – Injustice League of America.
Don't forget Blago, The Hair. That is a comic book character if I've ever seen one.
Probably less comic and more rape manga.
Looks like the Gropenator is reaching for Nancy Reagan's right boob.
Jealous much?
Of which one?
"Marvel Comics has canceled plans to put out a comic book and cartoon show called Governator and starring the character of former California governor/gross old movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger."
That's too bad because that sounded like a major double hit for the company. What kid wouldn't want to watch a cartoon about being governor?
When I was a kid, I used to play president. Set myself up a desk out of big blocks in the day care center, etc. I guess I was weird though. Still am.
Maybe the kidz would watch if he was an assistant supply chain manager for a regional trucking company. That's what gets their moles a whackin'!
One of Bill's bastard children. "You know honey, your father was once a governor and apresident; but we can't tell anyone"
Maybe he got superpowers when his workout buddy injected him with radioactive steroids.
"My eyes! The goggles do nothing!!"
This is the comic & cartoon where Arnold was supposed to have a secret life he kept hidden from Maria and their kids, unlike real life.
No, that was a movie, True Lies. But wait, it wasn't Maria, it was Jamie Lee.
Christ, this is confusing as all hell — it's already a frickin' comic book.
Who is your daddy and what did he do?
Who is your daddy and
whatwho did he do?/fixed.
I was driving home early Sunday morning through Bakersfield
Listening to gospel music on the colored radio station
And the preacher said, "You know you always have the Gov by your side"
And I was so pleased to be informed of this
That I ran twenty red lights in his honor
Thank you Governor, thank you Dad
That is chock full of win.
So if you're down on your luck,
I know we all sin sometimes,
Bang the maid with Far Away Eyes.
And if you're downright disgusting,
And your life's not worth a dime,
Bang the maid with Far Away Eyes.
(next track)
Well, now you're a pillar of society,
You don't worry 'bout the things that you used to be
You're a steroid case, your appeal's worn,
You're the easiest lay on the statehouse lawn
Get out of my life,
Don't come back.
Do you know who ELSE was really from Austria but was widely believed to have been German?
Werner Heisenberg? I'm not sure…
MeisterbräuBraun-Meister?The girl who was handing out Yagermeister shots last night? All I know is I stood by and watched while my Polish friend got blitzed.
The von Trapp Family?
Just rename it The Adulterator and you're good to go.
It's the helps baby…
You know I don't like to be petty & focus on the superficial…ha ha, just kidding. I've seen pics of Arnold's maid and she is butt ugly. (She must have been able to suck the brass off a doorknob.) Point of the story: that must be one really weird looking kid.
Indeed.
MUST… HAVE… BOOBIIIEEEESS!
10 years of hard work can really wreck your looks. And I can only imagine that doing Ahnold is hard work.
Never seen pics of the kid before. Luckily he looks more like Dad than Mom…
Da schpitting image. I vunder if he came out off da vomb speaking viss an Austrian accent.
http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2011/05/mildred...
Or-
"She can suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose"
"She can suck start a Harley"
There was pic of her on the rack at the Market… not… attractive… slutty looking though and that can go a long way.
Or she can eat corn on the cob through a barbed wire fence…oh, wait. That's if you have buck teeth. Never mind.
You and my wife. It doesn't matter what person appears on teevee to be interviewed by (insert rotating MSNBC anchor here); what first looks like my wife intently listening to the story erodes completely when she blurts out, "Her eyes are too close together," or "What is up with his makeup?" or "You can tell she's had a nip-and-tuck."
Trying to keep the peace, I just say "Democrats can't afford plastic surgery."
Apparently Arnold likes the ugly women because he doesn't have to work as hard to please them.
http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/notw/public/nol_p...
I was thinking the point of your story had to do with the triumph of a good rack.
That really counts for a lot, with most guys. Ten years ago this dame might have still had it all together. Having kids can age you pretty quickly.
So can getting beat to shit if you threaten to talk…
SO MANY UPFISTS
Dang, you guys are harsh!
I was surprised when I clicked on the link. She may be butt ugly compared to Maria, but compared to a regular generic person in the supermarket or on the train, I'd say she's at least averagely attractive.
However, this should in no way be interpreted as implying that she can't, in fact, suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
You're right! In fact, it has been said that — during her dalliance with Arnie — she was a fantastic, sweet wife to her husband.
I would much rather engage in sexual congress with this woman than Maria. Much rather.
In the House or in the Senate?
aw down'sfister…I thought maybe you had been raptured!
No, but he has a major headache from repeatedly bouncing off the ceiling of his concrete bunker.
Females of Earth, prepare your orifices for my ejaculate. Now.
Ewww….
Its Austrian bodybuilder movie star political hot talk. I got it from Arnie's 1999 book "Females of Earth: Stand and Deliver"
Why not just change the name to "Sponge Arnold No Pants?" Adapt. Improvise. Overcome.
ARNIE: I have to go now my planet needs me
(Note: Arnie died on the way back to his home planet)
Cool Fact: I made this exact post when the cartoon was first announced, and i make it again here today with neither shame nor hesitation
The only honorable thing for him to do is seppuku, leaving his fortune to the bastard and his anchor mom.
Bakersfield–the world's largest truck stop. Has a suburb called Oildale.
Shhhh… Downfister lives in his mom's basement in Bakersfield.
…and with that, I have a new follower. Now we know.
Zeroing in…
Bakersfield is a good place to be from.
Oyl Dale sounds like a Palin name.
Olive Oyl Dale Palin — already on the way, no doubt. Didn't Track just get married.
Shafter, too. Being an ex-trucker, I know all the best ways of avoiding Bakersfield.
"Has a suburb called Oildale."
There are few things in this world less prestigious than being born in Newark, NJ. Being born, living in, passing through, or ever having heard of Oildale are all on the list.
The children's comic may be on hold, but the manga version is going to be a big hit.
Sadly, the comics industry mostly ignores kids and spends more time catering to aging fanboys, Schwarzenegger's Brot und Butter.
On the other hand, aging readership has saved us from Mark Foley's Teenage Mutant Ninja Pages.
How about a Bennie Hill-style comedy show then? Arnold and Dominique Strauss-Kahn can wear yacht caps and grope endless boobs to Yakety-Sax. I'm sure at least Telemundo will pick it up.
Throw in Tiger Woods being chased by his golf-club-wielding wife and we'll sign on for a pilot.
"Arnold and Dominique Strauss-Kahn can wear yacht caps and grope endless boobs to Yakety-Sax"
"Tiger Woods being chased by his golf-club-wielding wife"
That actually sounds pretty funny.
And by "funny", I mean, "better than most of the crap that's actually on".
Chicas!
The Governator comic may be kapüt, but the Japanese Animé series, “Pumping Iron Maiden” is going like gangbusters.
Who in the hell is "Wonkette Jr"?
Is it another one of the Sperminator's illegitimate children?
Be careful though, you don't want your back-alley ass implants to kill you: http://abcnews.go.com/US/black-madam-wanted-fatal...
If she was a Brit shouldn't she have been focusing on the mouth end instead of the arse end?
Also, Vegas. Also.
It's just a damned good thing this comic was aborted. In its inception. As it were.
With the cancellation of this project, Arnold is now officially less popular than Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.
btw, I believe little Arnoldo is 13.
The Hwy 99 Blues.
Merle Haggard and Buck Owens were from Bakersfield, and they turned out real good.
Maybe the bastard Schwarzennegger will get the terminatin' side of him.
Merle Haggard had a few years in prison first.
The Donald is just a side-kick. His hair is the real comic book character.
Kindergarten Cop II: This Time He's Trolling For Pussy!
Daddy has two Mommies?
Yes, why on earth would anyone abandon a comic book about a steroid-addled, priapismic womanizer whose German accent remains unattenuated despite 40-plus years in the United States and whose claim to fame is his election as governor of a state so dysfunctional that its name has become culturally associated with all things crazy?
Californication?
"whose claim to fame is his election as governor of a state so dysfunctional"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Gray Davis (the previous governor) recalled from office, basically, for being a Democrat?
Then I prolly shouldn't admit that I think Vampire Weekend sounds a bit more like Korn than most of the fans (of either band) would care to admit.
You're treading in dangerous waters now…
Damn, Marvel is really scraping the bottom of the Hanna-Barbarrel. The Governator could have been a limited-animation classic greater than the Muhammad Ali and Mr. T. cartoons combined! I want to see Ahnold running in place across an infinitely-repeating background while holding a conversation, like Fred Flinstone, with a bongo-fill timed to his footsteps.
Was there a fall off in demand for "The Sperminator, Inseminating Southern California Comics"? I would think Adult Book Stores would be clamouring for them.
In the next issue of The Speminator, our hero addresses his love and angst for Dr. Necrophilia.
On the other hand Arnold will be churning out tons of awful action movies to pay the bills.
Really, it's like he never got into politics. The only evidence remaining from that little detour in his career is the catastrophic condition of California's finances.
Rights now revert to Smigel.
I guess they have to rename the superhero as "The Fornicator" (or would it be "Die Vornicator" auf Deutsch?)! But I think what killed the comic is that they don't really like to draw ordinary looking women…
The Governator of Californication?
Too bad for Arnold – I'm sure he was looking forward to all the revenues from his many, many appearances forever until he dies at comic book conventions after The Governator became a huge hit.
As Marvel should well know, live-action-to-traditional animation is so last-century. Hanna Barbera's following their template: "Yogi Bear" in 2010, "Huckleberry Hound" and "Snaggletooth" in 2012, all leading up to "Yogi's Ark" in 2013.
They started with the "Scooby Doo" movies, in preparation for what we were all waiting for, the crossover live action "Laugh-a-lypics".
Warner Bros. is countering H-B's movie plans with a franchise called "Crisis On Infinite Mirths." Looney Tunes, Animaniacs and Tiny Toons all on the same screen!!
Wow. Kennedys age like shit.
You know who else commuted the sentence of former Collie-Fornya Assembly speaker Fabian Núñez's son who was convicted of being an accessory to murder because Fabian and Arnold were buddies?
Me either, but a lot of people are pissed about it.
Stan Lee just couldn't bring himself to illustrate "The Jizzinator"
The images for that just made my brain seize.
The sad thing about that picture, even the Crypt Keeper don't return Arnie's calls no more.
Did you know that there's a part of country music called, "The Bakersfield Sound"? Really.
http://www.rockabillyhall.com/bakersfieldecho.htm...
Whiny songs enhanced with the delicate syncopation of revving engines and the hiss of air brakes….it sounds like hell.
Marvel made the right decision: this begs to be a stage play. Especially the part where Arnold falls from his harness.
The Ahnold finally meets his match, the housekeeper?? not a great story line, but go with it…
At last the nightmare is over! Hasta Lavisa Baby!
Next step: marry the housekeeper?
The Santorum family must be pleased to see that they aren't alone in the "keep the fetus" club.
The only person who distracts me on MSNBC is Ron Christie–that lazy eye is creepy plus he's a dick.
If you were of the dude persuasion, you might share my fond admiration for pretend girlfriend Tamron Hall. LimeyLizzie likes her too.
Also the way O'Donnell thinks the word "join" is pronounced "jern" hurts my teeth.
Is that what they are calling it now?
So, you want to put your hot dog down Tamron Hall way?
Just want to touch that beautiful moch-java skin. And see all of it.
That's what my madre-in-law's family did, too.
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