dirty limericks

Barack Obama Hits Irish Pubs, Gets Raptured By Jesus

We went to an Irish pub once in Dublin and it was owned by U2, grrrrr.Remember when this website was all about Barack Obama? Whatever happened to that guy, anyway? According to these Flickr pictures that Michelle posted on the family’s Flickr site, the Obamas are currently in Ireland getting all bloated on Guinness. And who is that drunk on the right, Timothy Geithner perhaps? Maybe he is “fixing” the Irish economy too, hahahaha. (IRELAND: YOU CAN KEEP HIM!)

Where else has Barack Obama been, while the rest of us check our roommates’ coats for spare change? It looks like Obama got raptured!


Not really. He’s in Ireland drinking “stout,” remember? And Irish people definitely don’t go to Heaven. (One time we read that sad Irish book about the mom’s ashes. No heaven for those people, just sadness and pints.)

Obama was actually down in Rio for the premiere of Angry Birds Rio. [White House Flicker/White House Flickr via Tim Murphy’s Tumblr]

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  1. Barb

    The rapture *cough* religious "leader" has changed the date to October 21st. What is it with him and the number 21?

    1. zhubajie

      21 May was the Rapture; 21 October is supposed to be the Second Coming, when we wicked un-raptured will be punished.

      1. PsycWench

        So May 21 was the soft opening but October 21 is the Heaven's Grand Opening Jubilee?

    2. PsycWench

      Are we sure he's not a front for some college student? They are obsessed with the number 21, particularly as it pertains to age and coming-of-age rituals.

      1. Texan_Bulldog

        "coming-of-age rituals" Like legally getting stone-faced drunk, passing out in some stranger's pick up & waking up in the bathroom of a 7-11 fifty miles from home? Or were you thinking of something a little more classy?

        1. PsycWench

          No, I was thinking of pretty much what you described. Then they realize that they are fifty miles from home, hungover, and drinking at a bar costs way more than drinking in your dorm room.

    1. freakishlywrong

      Barb, these are the same people that believe that cutting taxes for the wealthiest among us will somehow shower us all with shiny gold coins. (Someday!). They've been buying that shit for 30 years.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        Well, they're not really the same people. This guy's dupes are not mainstream fundie/evangelicals. And the fundies don't necessarily believe in all that tax cutting bullshit. The tax zealots and rich fucks simply manipulate the fundies by promising to kill all the gays and abortionists in exchange for their votes, without having any intention of really establishing a Jesus Caliphate. And to the extent that fundies can be duped on fiscal issues, they just tell'em that liberal economic policies are from the tradition of anti-God Socialism.

        1. Dashboard_Jesus

          you summed up perfectly what I've been sayin' for years, the ONLY reason the rich bastards get control of govt. at all is because they know hot to manipulate the morons with their Jeebus talk (hell the rich fucks are NOT stupid, and they can do math, so they know very well there's only a handful of them and BILLIONS of the rest of us)…George Bush is no more a 'Christian' than I am the evil fuck Rove even joked about how they made fun of the religious nutjobs behind their backs, for 8 FUCKIN' YEARS! and STILL the retards return to vote AGAINST their own economic interests over and over and over (cuz they LOVE fetuses and HATE the gayz!)

    1. DaRooster

      Well, poor lager practices have depleted the Native Coho Salmon on the West Coast… and he does like environmental stuff.

    2. OneDollarJuana

      What I get from that photo is that Barry and Michelle have been stricken so hard by debt limit that they are having to moonlight as bartenders.

  2. OC_Surf_Serf

    O'Bama needs to ask his Irish side a little about very low corporate tax rates…

    1. SorosBot

      How's that low tax-y, light regulation-y Reaganomics thing working out for you, Ireland?

        1. Negropolis

          The happiness you find at the bottom of a glass is only artificial, temporary happiness, I'm afraid.

    2. freakishlywrong

      Right? S'funny, I never hear the conservatives rapturing over Ireland anymore. Now they fearmonger us with Ireland, while stridently pursing policies that will turn us in to Ireland.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    If this was a Breitbart site and I were a denizen of such, I'd probably be sayin' some shit like "Urban fellows don't drink Guinness. Where's his 40-pounder of Olde English 800?" right about now.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      "The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad. For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad."
      – G.K. Chesterton

    2. Terry

      Brown bread is amazing, the best part of breakfast. All you need is brown bread, good butter, and a pot of tea.

        1. finallyhappy

          Is it true that Liffey water is used for Guinness and that is why it is dark?

      1. freakishlywrong

        I actually brought that band the the very first taping of the …Jon Stewart show, on the MTV. For Realz.

        1. horsedreamer_1

          It's only a matter of time before a screwball comedy set in part in an airport uses "Hey, Jealousy!" for a chase scene involving drunks (almost) missing their plane after a six-martini layover & TSA personnel.

  4. Nothingisamiss

    Unlike my new favorite wonkette writer, Wonkette Jr., I still do love me some morally weak, middle of the road, anger inducing Barry.

    Gawd! The man is hot! I'd think Michelle is hot, too, but I'm trying to be all mean girls about her and hate her while secretly admiring her arms.

    Barry….go to Hawaii, run in the surf, (get your picture taken without a shirt, is what I'm saying), bring back your I'm-mad-as-hell balls.

  5. Texan_Bulldog

    Oh gawd, I read Angela's Ashes and the sequel 'Tis. Them Irish folks (esp. the women) are fucking tough–no wonder they stay drunk all the time. I'm going to make my kids read those books when they are bitching about how they are bored, hungry, tired, sick of Mac & Cheese, etc.

    1. BarryOPotter

      "Dad? Me legs all wonky. I tink its broke…"
      "Yur weak, lad! Now dry yer eyes, shut yer pie hole an' drink yer pint! *muttering 'fooken 8 year-old always complainin' 'bout tis & tat…"

    2. Terry

      OMG, McCourt's childhood in frickin Depression era Limerick. The first floor of their rented rowhouse flooded with sewage and storm water, so they take to the upper floor, eat the offal given to them from the charity, and dream that they are in sunny places.

      Holy f'ing hell.

      1. doloras

        But it sold well to English people who love being told that Irish are shiftless, filthy, priest-ridden and should be grateful for 800 years of colonisation, and that's all that matters.

        1. Limeylizzie

          Wow, that's an angry and spiteful retort , to say nothing of the irony in your stereotyping the English for stereotyping the Irish.

  6. PuckStopsHere

    Piccies (its what they call "photographs" over there) of President Obama puking in a bush or urinating on police cruiser or GTFO. This is how ALL worthy pub crawls end. To fail so to do would be, and I hate to say it, UN-"MERKIN"!

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    I see a Carlsberg tap and a Heineken tap there, so this is obviously some fake bullshit poseur Irish pub. Why fly Air Force One 1/3rd of the way around the world to go to a fucking Houlihan's?

    1. qwerty42

      I believe I found Carlsberg in France. Maybe a lot of French visit to bring back memories of the rising of '98? (1798). Can't think of anything for the Dutch.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Actually I think the Euros go in for the beers sans frontieres thing. I spent quite a bit of time in Italy, and would go for the Beck's or Stella Artois (drink some Italian beer and you'll understand why the Italians like their wine so much). Spent a couple months in the UK, and whenever I was drinking for volume I'd always go with the Foster's—two or three of them heavier beers and I was on de floah.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          Stella Artois is basically the Budweiser of Europe. Why it's considered a classy import in the USA is a mystery.

  8. DaRooster

    That other guy looks as though he's John Kerry and has been living in that pub since he lost the election… living on pickled eggs and "stout"

  9. OC_Surf_Serf

    Funny how Michelle has those 'No Smoking' signs posted everywhere Barry goes…

    1. finallyhappy

      It's a Hawaian thing. Also in the Independent, they print " President Barack Obama" and then mark (L) or (R). really the Irish don't know who the black guy is in the pictures- so they have to be told which on e he is?

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Like that Colin Farrell guy?

        Say what you will about his personal life, but professionally, he really came back with In Bruges. (Seriously, great movie.)

        As to Black Irish Barry: it means he's not only an anti-colonial Islamofascist Mau-Mau; he's also an IRA member. &, this just in, this Limey Hating Luo has a nuclear arsenal at his disposal.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    No doubt some conquering Englishman stopped off for a quick rape at some point between 1169 and 1921.

  11. Doktor Zoom

    Obama downed the thick beer in only four slurps. Christy O'Sullivan, a government clerical worker who took a long lunch break to watch the Obama's trip to Moneygall, told the AP: "The president actually killed his pint! He gets my vote. He's the first president I've actually seen drink the black stuff like he's not ashamed of something."

    Obama did better than the Queen did on her trip to the Guinness factory last week. She and Prince Philip awkwardly stared at a pint of Guinness before moving along for the rest of the tour. Associated Press

    In other news, Wingnuts are disgusted at the Kenyan Usurper: "Watching Obama sip beer while hundreds in Missouri are dead with thousands more homeless and without help makes me very angry. Where is our leader when we need him most? He's out having another Guinness." Needless to say, if Obama had gone to Joplin and personally dug through the rubble, he would be shamelessly exploiting the disaster for personal gain.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I'm sure they were just as up in arms when Bush attended McCain's birthday bash while New Orleans drowned. No? Oh, that's right, that was just a bunch of looters.

      1. SorosBot

        But it was a mere several thousand people who died in New Orleans, not the entire dozens of people who have died in Missouri! And everyone saw those hurricanes coming over a week ago and we had tons of time to prepare but didn't, unlike that hurricane and resultant floods which just showed up without warning.

      2. MozakiBlocks

        Now my dear Baldar, them folks in New Orleans were not Real Americans (white) and therefore not deserving of any help from the government.

        Do try to keep up.

          1. Limeylizzie

            Oh I love that stuff with the cucumbers a floating in it and no that is not a euphemism.

          2. horsedreamer_1

            Had quite a few of those at a local gastropub — despite that designation, it's supremely good — in summer '08 & was hooked.

    2. DeeJayKitteh

      They're right. Clearly the correct reaction was to sit down and read My Pet Goat.

    3. PsycWench

      I didn't know that Barry's Guinness consumption was so fevered that it caused the Missouri tornados. That's impressive.
      Also, you didn't cut and paste that quote, did you? Everything is spelled correctly.

    4. KeepFnThatChicken

      Those same wingnuts may eat my ass, for all the complaining they'd do if he flew from Ireland to Missouri on Air Force One.

    5. BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe Barry could ask George W Bush for a favor, "Yo, George, tighten me up and go fly over Joplin and have a look."

      1. bikerlaureate

        You beat me to it.

        > while hundreds in Missouri are dead with thousands more homeless and without help

        … and that's help we shouldn't be giving (even if we could afford to), according to the right Rep. Paul.

        1. hooray4anything

          I foresee a new brave and bold Republican plan for Disaster Vouchers in the near future

          1. bikerlaureate

            But before they hand out this new entitlement, how are they going to test for sufficiently low levels of melanin?

  12. EatsBabyDingos

    Hey Michelle, I see in Ireland they do not have the right to bare arms. I've never seen your arms burqua'd before.

    1. Terry

      I don't blame her. Ireland is cool and damp all but about two weeks out of the year.

  13. V572..whatever

    The Irish don't have to go to heaven because they're already there in that special little Jesuit paradise whose mission on Earth is to make it (the heretical, non-Catholic parts) all safe for child-torturing priests.

    Plus it's all green and purty.

  14. PabaBritannica

    So what was he doing over there? Having a beer summit with Father Ted or something?

        1. Texan_Bulldog

          I would imagine you'd have to have a few stiff shots to hang around Darth & Rummy, the twin prophets of doom.

          I can't remember when I started coming to Wonkette–maybe during the 2008 primary season or a touch earlier??

          1. SorosBot

            I started during the Bush-Kerry race, but didn't start commenting until years later, at some point after the split from Gawker. Which was lucky when their accounts got hacked.

  15. Poindexter718

    Great. Now Michelle-Go-Braghless is gonna come back and force our kids in all the collectives she is planning to drink fancified dark beer cause she saw some sign declaring "Guinness good for you!"
    Well no thanks, first lady. My Justin and Cody are doing just fine with their Mountain Dew.

    1. DaSandman

      "Yew don't know what's it's like to be a parent, having to get up at midnight when the babies are crying for Doritos and their Mountain Dew"

      From My Name is Earl–

      1. baconzgood

        In college I dated a girl and she fell asleep watching that movie….I broke up with her 3 days later. I figured if she fell asleep watching Blue Velvet she HAD to be majorly fucked in the head, because that is a disturbing film. She's a pediatrician now.

  16. SorosBot

    What about those worldwide earthquakes he predicted? No one seems to have noticed them.

    1. PsycWench

      I'm waiting for his claim that he meant that the earth moved in the Hemingway sense. I'm sure a few of us felt the earth move a little over last weekend….

  17. mrblifil

    As much as I'm titillated by ideas of the First Couple getting their drank on, the one thing you can be sure of about Ireland. Drinking copious amounts of Guinness hardly ever results in getting laid.

    1. Terry

      Drinking copious amounts of Guinness also assures that one doesn't need the assistance of a laxative.

      1. L188188

        Sorry Terry, you have not drunk enough Guinness for many days in a row to experience the opposite effect of that popular folklore.

        1. Terry

          Oh, after an evening with 7-8 Guinnesses on my first trip to Ireland, I understood the "treacle" comments.

    2. Limeylizzie

      Actually when I was drinking copious amounts of the magical draught Guinness I got laid a lot, maybe doesn't work so well for menfolk

      1. mrblifil

        Yes, the woman who states "hey you know what, I got laid last night!" is rarely accorded a special mention, or a prize ceremony, or a hearty Marine-style "OOH-RAH!" If getting laid is really all a woman wants, she needs to do little more than drop her hanky. Or her panties. Whichever is closest and most convenient.

        However since we occupy the same rough geographical designation, if I see you holding forth in some quaint watering spot in our fair city, the Guinness will be on me.

  18. Doktor Zoom

    In an eerie echo of his predecessor, Obama declared, "You're either for us, or you're a Guiness."

  19. PsycWench

    Wingnuts would be more Guinness-friendly if they knew there was a loaf in every pint.

  20. Terry

    Because whether they like it or not, the Irish, Scots, Welsh, Manx, and English are all kissing cousins to various degrees. They point out what are to them vast differences, but the further you get from their shores the bigger the similarities among them are.

    Except Morris Dancing. God only knows where THAT came from.

    1. Limeylizzie

      Oh Jesus, used to go and watch the Morris Dancing on the village green at my local pub, drinking furiously was the only way to abide its folksy charm.

      1. Terry

        We went to lunch at a local pub and ALL the Morris Dancing clubs from the DC area (who knew there was even one) where having an event. We were the ONLY PEOPLE in the place, other than staff, who weren't Morris Dancers. They did the same two dances (one with the swords, one with the pompoms/ribbons on the sticks) over and over and over and over and over. Then club members had to keep coming over to us, asking how we liked that version and pointing out the miniscule differences.

        On the plus side, the fish and chips were fabulous, as was the beer.

        1. finallyhappy

          I almost joined the Rock Creek Morris Women when I came to DC(in 74). I spent my junior year in England so I thought I could be a dancer(I couldn't really dance and decided not to try any more) or learn to play the concertina.

    2. Gunner Asch

      Morris Dancing is real? I always thought Terry Pratchett made it up as part of the far-end-of-the-probability-curve Discworld stories.

      1. finallyhappy

        Possibly he made it up but via time travel or some other sc-fi thing- it was transported back in time to become an authentic English thing. And what the hell is the Hobby Horse??

  21. KeepFnThatChicken

    Christ of the Ozarks? Slightly less tacky than Touchdown-Burndown, but it will do.

    And while I admit having reservations about Barack and his administration these last two years, he now has my vote because he drank a Guinness Draught.

  22. lumpenprole

    I wanna see Barry hold his own on a Moscow trip. Or some Spring Break travesty, either way'll probably be cool.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Barry on the beer bong, Michelle flashing it for Girls Gone Wild Daytona Beach. Skin to win!!!

    1. baconzgood


      "Hey neighbor. shit for brains. You forgot I have a police radio. One 'Well Dressed man' knows where your cute little butt is hiding."

    1. Terry

      According to my Irish grandfather and great grandfather, Guinness was the Protestant stout and Murphy's was the Catholic stout.

      1. L188188

        Same as whiskey in a green bottle versus whiskey in a clear bottle – green versus orange (ish).

  23. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Hey Wonkette Jr, I thought Sara B. was in charge of the whole Barry-stalking thing?

  24. Eve8Apples

    Maybe Michelle will give up on that gardening hobby and start a brewery in the White House basement.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Jeremiah Wright of Way Brewing Company
      1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
      Washington, D.C.

      First brew will be a lighter summer quaff, WitteSchwarzekirche.

  25. JoshuaNorton

    Bah! If he really wanted to impress them he'd be wearing a beer helmet and a "Kiss Me – I'm Irish" T-Shirt.

  26. horsedreamer_1

    The part of the drunken Briton will be played by Gerard Depardieu, oddly enough.

  27. Biel_ze_Bubba

    So they were, like, the preview audience? And we're waiting for the grand opening, at a theaters worldwide?

    I'll believe it when I see leaked copies on the torrent sites.

  28. smitallica

    "Ok, we'll give some elected offices to the n*ggers and the chinks, but we DON'T WANT THE IRISH!"

    1. zhubajie

      I was hoping that a whole butt-load of crooked evangelists would be swallowed up by the earth.

  29. LiveToServeYa

    John McCain would've started a fist-fight with an O'Cain by that point. There would be pics of him horribly punched in the Depends or something.

  30. Steverino247

    Re the second photo. There's an inscription on the bottom of that Jesus statue that reads: "Verily, I say unto you, I once caught a fish this big."

  31. BlueMonkeh

    What is up with Drunky McDrunkerton lumbering over Michelle's left?

    And what is up with the tent awning shirts over there? I was online ordering shirts for my husband from some prancy little Brit outfit and half of them are made of stuff I wouldn't use as a picnic tablecloth. The red and white stripes that guy is sporting? Do they do this so it's easier for the working class drunks to spot them for their beatings?

    1. DustinDeWynde

      In case you missed it below, I mashed up Bernie Mac's 'Black Irish' bit with his visit to Moneygall:

      President O'Bama Knows All About The Luck Of The BLACK Irish http://t.co/RkEqkFP

      Let's not forget that the British kept the Irish more or less as Slaves for more than 900 years, about twice as long as we maintained our Tradition of Slavery in America the Land of the Free.

  32. Nopantsmcgee

    I still have fond memories of the Big Dog and Yeltsin putting away 15 metric tons of sausage and beer in one evening. Say what you will about Bill but he knows how to live and live large.

  33. sati_demise

    I want a Guinness right now. An Irish Guinness. Freshly pulled and creamy. Not fair, Obama.

  34. eatingraoul

    Yeah, but a REAL president with a birth certificate would fall down and then slap him some volleyball ass. That's how they do it in Beijing.

  35. anniegetyerfun

    I was listening to coverage of the trip on the teevee, and there were all these super excited Irish people in the town where Barry's great great grandfather (or however many greats it was) used to live. It was heartening, to see that there is a place where people are just psyched to see him.

    I brought this up with my husband at a business dinner the other night, and my boss, who is a dipshit, said, "That doesn't make any sense. He's not Irish." I pointed out that being half white meant that Obama could, in fact, have some Irish in him, but the way he shook his head led me to believe that there was no way that that idea could possibly take root in his brain stem.


  36. Terry

    I've seen those, too. I've also seen traffic in the busy heart of Dublin stopped so that a Guinness delivery truck could more easily pull in close to a pub.

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