DIRTY LIMERICKS  9:04 am May 24, 2011

Barack Obama Hits Irish Pubs, Gets Raptured By Jesus

by Wonkette Jr.

We went to an Irish pub once in Dublin and it was owned by U2, grrrrr.Remember when this website was all about Barack Obama? Whatever happened to that guy, anyway? According to these Flickr pictures that Michelle posted on the family’s Flickr site, the Obamas are currently in Ireland getting all bloated on Guinness. And who is that drunk on the right, Timothy Geithner perhaps? Maybe he is “fixing” the Irish economy too, hahahaha. (IRELAND: YOU CAN KEEP HIM!)

Where else has Barack Obama been, while the rest of us check our roommates’ coats for spare change? It looks like Obama got raptured!

Run!

Not really. He’s in Ireland drinking “stout,” remember? And Irish people definitely don’t go to Heaven. (One time we read that sad Irish book about the mom’s ashes. No heaven for those people, just sadness and pints.)

Obama was actually down in Rio for the premiere of Angry Birds Rio. [White House Flicker/White House Flickr via Tim Murphy's Tumblr]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 221 comments }

Barb May 24, 2011 at 9:08 am

The rapture *cough* religious "leader" has changed the date to October 21st. What is it with him and the number 21?

zhubajie May 24, 2011 at 9:38 am

21 May was the Rapture; 21 October is supposed to be the Second Coming, when we wicked un-raptured will be punished.

PsycWench May 24, 2011 at 10:55 am

So May 21 was the soft opening but October 21 is the Heaven's Grand Opening Jubilee?

PsycWench May 24, 2011 at 9:52 am

Are we sure he's not a front for some college student? They are obsessed with the number 21, particularly as it pertains to age and coming-of-age rituals.

Texan_Bulldog May 24, 2011 at 10:38 am

"coming-of-age rituals" Like legally getting stone-faced drunk, passing out in some stranger's pick up & waking up in the bathroom of a 7-11 fifty miles from home? Or were you thinking of something a little more classy?

PsycWench May 24, 2011 at 10:55 am

No, I was thinking of pretty much what you described. Then they realize that they are fifty miles from home, hungover, and drinking at a bar costs way more than drinking in your dorm room.

genxr May 24, 2011 at 10:13 am

His warning about the coming Cocktoberfest will come true, you wait and see.

4tehlulz_lite May 24, 2011 at 10:53 am

Jesus loves Roger Clemens.

Barb May 24, 2011 at 9:11 am

I can't believe his followers are going to allow him to double down on this bet.

freakishlywrong May 24, 2011 at 9:20 am

Barb, these are the same people that believe that cutting taxes for the wealthiest among us will somehow shower us all with shiny gold coins. (Someday!). They've been buying that shit for 30 years.

Doktor Zoom May 24, 2011 at 9:21 am

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me multiple times, you've got a disciple.

Mumbletypeg May 24, 2011 at 9:27 am

Oh I am so stealing that…

Chet Kincaid May 24, 2011 at 9:43 am

Well, they're not really the same people. This guy's dupes are not mainstream fundie/evangelicals. And the fundies don't necessarily believe in all that tax cutting bullshit. The tax zealots and rich fucks simply manipulate the fundies by promising to kill all the gays and abortionists in exchange for their votes, without having any intention of really establishing a Jesus Caliphate. And to the extent that fundies can be duped on fiscal issues, they just tell'em that liberal economic policies are from the tradition of anti-God Socialism.

Dashboard_Jesus May 25, 2011 at 12:57 am

you summed up perfectly what I've been sayin' for years, the ONLY reason the rich bastards get control of govt. at all is because they know hot to manipulate the morons with their Jeebus talk (hell the rich fucks are NOT stupid, and they can do math, so they know very well there's only a handful of them and BILLIONS of the rest of us)…George Bush is no more a 'Christian' than I am the evil fuck Rove even joked about how they made fun of the religious nutjobs behind their backs, for 8 FUCKIN' YEARS! and STILL the retards return to vote AGAINST their own economic interests over and over and over (cuz they LOVE fetuses and HATE the gayz!)

ShaveTheWhales May 26, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Oh Chet, you cynic.

ManchuCandidate May 24, 2011 at 9:11 am

I suspect that the wingnutters will be upset that Barry likes to drink "Black and Tan" leading to the conclusion that he hates lagers and pale ales.

DaRooster May 24, 2011 at 9:18 am

Well, poor lager practices have depleted the Native Coho Salmon on the West Coast… and he does like environmental stuff.

WABishop May 24, 2011 at 9:50 am

Not much drinking of black and tan in Ireland; as Wikipedia notes, it has "image problems".

SorosBot May 24, 2011 at 10:20 am

Yuengling image FTW!

OneDollarJuana May 24, 2011 at 10:08 am

What I get from that photo is that Barry and Michelle have been stricken so hard by debt limit that they are having to moonlight as bartenders.

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 10:40 am

Does Barry also coach a wrestling team?

OC_Surf_Serf May 24, 2011 at 9:12 am

O'Bama needs to ask his Irish side a little about very low corporate tax rates…

SorosBot May 24, 2011 at 9:20 am

How's that low tax-y, light regulation-y Reaganomics thing working out for you, Ireland?

V572..whatever May 24, 2011 at 9:36 am

Here you go:
http://www.vanityfair.com/business/features/2011/

Not so great, as it happens.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 24, 2011 at 11:10 am

I'm shocked, shocked I tell you.

Bonzos_Bed_Time May 24, 2011 at 9:48 am

The Irish seem like such a happy folk.

Beowoof May 24, 2011 at 10:23 am

They drink a lot. Coincidence?

Bonzos_Bed_Time May 24, 2011 at 12:09 pm

I think not!

zhubajie May 24, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Scandihoovians drink a lot, too, but it just makes them worse.

Negropolis May 24, 2011 at 10:46 pm

The happiness you find at the bottom of a glass is only artificial, temporary happiness, I'm afraid.

freakishlywrong May 24, 2011 at 9:25 am

Right? S'funny, I never hear the conservatives rapturing over Ireland anymore. Now they fearmonger us with Ireland, while stridently pursing policies that will turn us in to Ireland.

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2011 at 9:12 am

If this was a Breitbart site and I were a denizen of such, I'd probably be sayin' some shit like "Urban fellows don't drink Guinness. Where's his 40-pounder of Olde English 800?" right about now.

ManchuCandidate May 24, 2011 at 9:15 am

No Bitpart fucker is going to drink furriner beer. They'd demand Bud.

HistoriCat May 24, 2011 at 10:01 am

Obammer is too gud for 'Merkan beer! Librul eleetist!

freakishlywrong May 24, 2011 at 9:13 am

Being Irish, besides sadness and pints, we also have gin blossoms.

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2011 at 9:17 am

Probably just rosacea.

trampndirtdown May 24, 2011 at 10:15 am

Is it still rosacea if it's confined to my nose and seems to glow after a hard night of drinking?

DashboardBuddha May 24, 2011 at 9:19 am

"The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad. For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad."
- G.K. Chesterton

Terry May 24, 2011 at 9:46 am

Brown bread is amazing, the best part of breakfast. All you need is brown bread, good butter, and a pot of tea.

Bonzos_Bed_Time May 24, 2011 at 9:49 am

I prefer Guinness for breakfast.

finallyhappy May 24, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Is it true that Liffey water is used for Guinness and that is why it is dark?

Limeylizzie May 24, 2011 at 11:43 am

Hovis unsliced mmmmmm and toasted with a medium boiled egg in an eggcup.

SorosBot May 24, 2011 at 9:58 am

You still have the Gin Blossoms? I didn't know the Irish were living in 1994.

freakishlywrong May 24, 2011 at 10:14 am

I actually brought that band the the very first taping of the …Jon Stewart show, on the MTV. For Realz.

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 12:48 pm

It's only a matter of time before a screwball comedy set in part in an airport uses "Hey, Jealousy!" for a chase scene involving drunks (almost) missing their plane after a six-martini layover & TSA personnel.

comrad_darkness May 24, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Is that like piles?

Could be from living on a bar stool…
(ba dum dum)

Monsieur_Grumpe May 24, 2011 at 9:13 am

It's about time Barry O'bama started drinking something other than that Lite crap.

assistantatlas May 24, 2011 at 2:22 pm

It's about time Barry O'bama started drinking.
/fixed

mavenmaven May 24, 2011 at 9:17 am

Now they'll say Obama loves craic…

PsycWench May 24, 2011 at 9:42 am

Why, I'd say he inhales it.

mrblifil May 24, 2011 at 9:49 am

You win the Irish internets. Which is sort of like winning a ham in Islamabad.

Negropolis May 24, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Or like winning a lightly-used condo in Abbottobad.

Beowoof May 24, 2011 at 9:17 am

I thought muslims weren't allowed alcohol, obviously a root beer cover up.

jakegittes May 24, 2011 at 9:25 am

I demand to see the original, long form breathalyzer results.

WABishop May 24, 2011 at 9:27 am

He may be a muslim, but no one said he was a good muslim.

AJW@[redacted] May 24, 2011 at 11:27 am

Jack Muslim, then.

trampndirtdown May 24, 2011 at 10:16 am

He has the martyr exemption.

Nothingisamiss May 24, 2011 at 9:18 am

Unlike my new favorite wonkette writer, Wonkette Jr., I still do love me some morally weak, middle of the road, anger inducing Barry.

Gawd! The man is hot! I'd think Michelle is hot, too, but I'm trying to be all mean girls about her and hate her while secretly admiring her arms.

Barry….go to Hawaii, run in the surf, (get your picture taken without a shirt, is what I'm saying), bring back your I'm-mad-as-hell balls.

Limeylizzie May 24, 2011 at 11:44 am

I too have never wavered in my love for Barry, also Michelle.

Texan_Bulldog May 24, 2011 at 9:18 am

Oh gawd, I read Angela's Ashes and the sequel 'Tis. Them Irish folks (esp. the women) are fucking tough–no wonder they stay drunk all the time. I'm going to make my kids read those books when they are bitching about how they are bored, hungry, tired, sick of Mac & Cheese, etc.

BarryOPotter May 24, 2011 at 9:40 am

"Dad? Me legs all wonky. I tink its broke…"
"Yur weak, lad! Now dry yer eyes, shut yer pie hole an' drink yer pint! *muttering 'fooken 8 year-old always complainin' 'bout tis & tat…"

Terry May 24, 2011 at 9:48 am

OMG, McCourt's childhood in frickin Depression era Limerick. The first floor of their rented rowhouse flooded with sewage and storm water, so they take to the upper floor, eat the offal given to them from the charity, and dream that they are in sunny places.

Holy f'ing hell.

Bonzos_Bed_Time May 24, 2011 at 9:53 am

Italy!

Limeylizzie May 24, 2011 at 11:44 am

That shitty book was an invention of the author, very little of it was true.

doloras May 24, 2011 at 6:28 pm

But it sold well to English people who love being told that Irish are shiftless, filthy, priest-ridden and should be grateful for 800 years of colonisation, and that's all that matters.

Limeylizzie May 24, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Wow, that's an angry and spiteful retort , to say nothing of the irony in your stereotyping the English for stereotyping the Irish.

PuckStopsHere May 24, 2011 at 9:20 am

Piccies (its what they call "photographs" over there) of President Obama puking in a bush or urinating on police cruiser or GTFO. This is how ALL worthy pub crawls end. To fail so to do would be, and I hate to say it, UN-"MERKIN"!

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2011 at 9:20 am

I see a Carlsberg tap and a Heineken tap there, so this is obviously some fake bullshit poseur Irish pub. Why fly Air Force One 1/3rd of the way around the world to go to a fucking Houlihan's?

qwerty42 May 24, 2011 at 10:18 am

I believe I found Carlsberg in France. Maybe a lot of French visit to bring back memories of the rising of '98? (1798). Can't think of anything for the Dutch.

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2011 at 10:26 am

Actually I think the Euros go in for the beers sans frontieres thing. I spent quite a bit of time in Italy, and would go for the Beck's or Stella Artois (drink some Italian beer and you'll understand why the Italians like their wine so much). Spent a couple months in the UK, and whenever I was drinking for volume I'd always go with the Foster's—two or three of them heavier beers and I was on de floah.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 24, 2011 at 11:16 am

Stella Artois is basically the Budweiser of Europe. Why it's considered a classy import in the USA is a mystery.

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Do. Not. Knock. Wifebeater.

simplyblue7 May 24, 2011 at 9:22 am

Is Mr. Fancy Pant Elitist too good for our American beers? I'll have an Budweiser thank you very much…oh wait…

trampndirtdown May 24, 2011 at 10:20 am

Haha! Inbev.

DaRooster May 24, 2011 at 9:22 am

That other guy looks as though he's John Kerry and has been living in that pub since he lost the election… living on pickled eggs and "stout"

zhubajie May 24, 2011 at 9:41 am

Probably beats being president of the world's biggest madhouse.

Terry May 24, 2011 at 9:55 am

Kerry is from New England. He's eating pickled lamb's tongue, not pickled eggs.

Allmighty_Manos May 24, 2011 at 9:23 am

"Go towards the light, go towards the light"

CapeClod May 24, 2011 at 10:11 am

I didn't know that the Irish worshiped Gort from "The Day the Earth Stood Still."

OC_Surf_Serf May 24, 2011 at 9:23 am

Funny how Michelle has those 'No Smoking' signs posted everywhere Barry goes…

smitallica May 24, 2011 at 9:24 am

Is that guy HELPING our foxy FLOTUS pour that beer???

SOCHULIZM!!!!!

ManchuCandidate May 24, 2011 at 9:25 am

To us tinted people, all you white people look a like.

Allmighty_Manos May 24, 2011 at 9:26 am

Hey what's up with Obama flashing the sign of the horns in Dublin? (or could be some surfer thing, I can't remember) http://www.independent.ie/

finallyhappy May 24, 2011 at 3:13 pm

It's a Hawaian thing. Also in the Independent, they print " President Barack Obama" and then mark (L) or (R). really the Irish don't know who the black guy is in the pictures- so they have to be told which on e he is?

freakishlywrong May 24, 2011 at 9:27 am

They all look alike to you, Sorosbot.

SorosBot May 24, 2011 at 9:49 am

Drunk. Actually, I guess that part is implied by Irish or English.

Goonemeritus May 24, 2011 at 9:27 am

Being a Kenyan Muslim is one thing but Irish….

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2011 at 9:35 am

Maybe he's got some of that Black Irish in him.

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Like that Colin Farrell guy?

Say what you will about his personal life, but professionally, he really came back with In Bruges. (Seriously, great movie.)

As to Black Irish Barry: it means he's not only an anti-colonial Islamofascist Mau-Mau; he's also an IRA member. &, this just in, this Limey Hating Luo has a nuclear arsenal at his disposal.

bagofmice May 24, 2011 at 10:02 am

Oh, look at you. Prancing about with your head full of eyeballs.

(going to get so much shit for confusing the scots with the irish)

Reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWBeqNYihjQ&fe

JoshuaNorton May 24, 2011 at 9:28 am

Screw it. Next time I'm Post-Rapture looting regardless…

DaSandman May 24, 2011 at 10:03 am

I'm in. But let's have a few pints before hand, eh?

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2011 at 9:29 am

No doubt some conquering Englishman stopped off for a quick rape at some point between 1169 and 1921.

EatsBabyDingos May 24, 2011 at 9:31 am

Oooooo old Monte Python. Say no more, say no more.

Doktor Zoom May 24, 2011 at 9:32 am

Obama downed the thick beer in only four slurps. Christy O'Sullivan, a government clerical worker who took a long lunch break to watch the Obama's trip to Moneygall, told the AP: "The president actually killed his pint! He gets my vote. He's the first president I've actually seen drink the black stuff like he's not ashamed of something."

Obama did better than the Queen did on her trip to the Guinness factory last week. She and Prince Philip awkwardly stared at a pint of Guinness before moving along for the rest of the tour. Associated Press

In other news, Wingnuts are disgusted at the Kenyan Usurper: "Watching Obama sip beer while hundreds in Missouri are dead with thousands more homeless and without help makes me very angry. Where is our leader when we need him most? He's out having another Guinness." Needless to say, if Obama had gone to Joplin and personally dug through the rubble, he would be shamelessly exploiting the disaster for personal gain.

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2011 at 9:40 am

I'm sure they were just as up in arms when Bush attended McCain's birthday bash while New Orleans drowned. No? Oh, that's right, that was just a bunch of looters.

SorosBot May 24, 2011 at 9:45 am

But it was a mere several thousand people who died in New Orleans, not the entire dozens of people who have died in Missouri! And everyone saw those hurricanes coming over a week ago and we had tons of time to prepare but didn't, unlike that hurricane and resultant floods which just showed up without warning.

finallyhappy May 24, 2011 at 3:15 pm

What – was there a problem in New Orleans? " Great Job, Brownie"!

MozakiBlocks May 24, 2011 at 11:31 am

Now my dear Baldar, them folks in New Orleans were not Real Americans (white) and therefore not deserving of any help from the government.

Do try to keep up.

zhubajie May 24, 2011 at 9:42 am

Actually, I'm assured that Prince Phil, at least, does drink off-duty.

Terry May 24, 2011 at 9:57 am

Of course, he drinks Pimm's, not beer.

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 10:43 am

Ah, Pimm's Cup! Where have ye gone? I pine for thee.

Limeylizzie May 24, 2011 at 11:48 am

Oh I love that stuff with the cucumbers a floating in it and no that is not a euphemism.

DeeJayKitteh May 24, 2011 at 9:45 am

They're right. Clearly the correct reaction was to sit down and read My Pet Goat.

PsycWench May 24, 2011 at 9:46 am

I didn't know that Barry's Guinness consumption was so fevered that it caused the Missouri tornados. That's impressive.
Also, you didn't cut and paste that quote, did you? Everything is spelled correctly.

KeepFnThatChicken May 24, 2011 at 10:05 am

Those same wingnuts may eat my ass, for all the complaining they'd do if he flew from Ireland to Missouri on Air Force One.

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2011 at 10:17 am

Maybe Barry could ask George W Bush for a favor, "Yo, George, tighten me up and go fly over Joplin and have a look."

snoopyfan2010 May 24, 2011 at 1:34 pm

FTW!

wegot2dobetter May 24, 2011 at 10:55 am

yeah, its all about small govt until your house gets mowed over by a tornado.

bikerlaureate May 24, 2011 at 11:59 am

You beat me to it.

> while hundreds in Missouri are dead with thousands more homeless and without help

… and that's help we shouldn't be giving (even if we could afford to), according to the right Rep. Paul.

hooray4anything May 24, 2011 at 12:15 pm

I foresee a new brave and bold Republican plan for Disaster Vouchers in the near future

bikerlaureate May 24, 2011 at 2:11 pm

But before they hand out this new entitlement, how are they going to test for sufficiently low levels of melanin?

snoopyfan2010 May 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm

hey, government assistance is for a privledged few only

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2011 at 9:32 am

Or as my dad tells it, like having sex on the beach. Fuckin' near water.

EatsBabyDingos May 24, 2011 at 9:33 am

Hey Michelle, I see in Ireland they do not have the right to bare arms. I've never seen your arms burqua'd before.

Terry May 24, 2011 at 9:58 am

I don't blame her. Ireland is cool and damp all but about two weeks out of the year.

Chillwaver May 24, 2011 at 9:33 am

I'm just glad Bono didn't show up to try to steal Barry's thunder.

mrblifil May 24, 2011 at 9:48 am

I'm pretty sure it was Bono who pulled the pint…

PsycWench May 24, 2011 at 10:09 am

He already found what's hie's looking for.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 24, 2011 at 11:22 am

This is not the pint yer lookin fer.

SenileAgitation May 24, 2011 at 11:41 am

Amen to that. One saint at a time.

V572..whatever May 24, 2011 at 9:33 am

The Irish don't have to go to heaven because they're already there in that special little Jesuit paradise whose mission on Earth is to make it (the heretical, non-Catholic parts) all safe for child-torturing priests.

Plus it's all green and purty.

PabaBritannica May 24, 2011 at 9:36 am

So what was he doing over there? Having a beer summit with Father Ted or something?

zhubajie May 24, 2011 at 9:43 am

That's tomorrow.

Terry May 24, 2011 at 9:59 am

Meanwhile, Joe Biden and Father Jack are having a grand time.

Ken Layne May 25, 2011 at 11:37 am

Love that show so much.

Chillwaver May 24, 2011 at 9:36 am

"No, thanks. I'll take a Keystone Light"
–Dubya

Texan_Bulldog May 24, 2011 at 9:43 am

You mean O'Doul's. He drinks the near beer stuff…

SorosBot May 24, 2011 at 10:04 am

Or so he says; here's a little trip down memory lane:
http://wonkette.com/126808/bush-boozing http://www.nationalenquirer.com/celebrity/bushs-b

And damn, that post is six years old and I remember reading it when it first appeared; gettin' old here.

Texan_Bulldog May 24, 2011 at 11:06 am

I would imagine you'd have to have a few stiff shots to hang around Darth & Rummy, the twin prophets of doom.

I can't remember when I started coming to Wonkette–maybe during the 2008 primary season or a touch earlier??

SorosBot May 24, 2011 at 11:22 am

I started during the Bush-Kerry race, but didn't start commenting until years later, at some point after the split from Gawker. Which was lucky when their accounts got hacked.

Terry May 24, 2011 at 9:37 am

I seriously want Michelle's wardrobe. sigh

Poindexter718 May 24, 2011 at 9:37 am

Great. Now Michelle-Go-Braghless is gonna come back and force our kids in all the collectives she is planning to drink fancified dark beer cause she saw some sign declaring "Guinness good for you!"
Well no thanks, first lady. My Justin and Cody are doing just fine with their Mountain Dew.

DaSandman May 24, 2011 at 10:01 am

"Yew don't know what's it's like to be a parent, having to get up at midnight when the babies are crying for Doritos and their Mountain Dew"

From My Name is Earl–

BlueMonkeh May 24, 2011 at 12:06 pm

That show was the truest thing on the teevee.

baconzgood May 24, 2011 at 9:37 am

"Guinness? Fuck that SHIT! PABST BLUE RIBBON!!!!"

-Frank Booth-

PabaBritannica May 24, 2011 at 9:47 am

It all started with a human ear…

baconzgood May 24, 2011 at 10:04 am

In college I dated a girl and she fell asleep watching that movie….I broke up with her 3 days later. I figured if she fell asleep watching Blue Velvet she HAD to be majorly fucked in the head, because that is a disturbing film. She's a pediatrician now.

bagofmice May 24, 2011 at 10:09 am

I spent my time coding through that movie.

zhubajie May 24, 2011 at 9:40 am

Surely you're aware of English armies in Ireland?

SorosBot May 24, 2011 at 9:46 am

What about those worldwide earthquakes he predicted? No one seems to have noticed them.

PsycWench May 24, 2011 at 9:49 am

I'm waiting for his claim that he meant that the earth moved in the Hemingway sense. I'm sure a few of us felt the earth move a little over last weekend….

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2011 at 9:52 am

Need to check in with Carole King.

ShaveTheWhales May 26, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Perhaps the quakes were also raptured?

mrblifil May 24, 2011 at 9:47 am

As much as I'm titillated by ideas of the First Couple getting their drank on, the one thing you can be sure of about Ireland. Drinking copious amounts of Guinness hardly ever results in getting laid.

Terry May 24, 2011 at 10:22 am

Drinking copious amounts of Guinness also assures that one doesn't need the assistance of a laxative.

L188188 May 24, 2011 at 10:47 am

Sorry Terry, you have not drunk enough Guinness for many days in a row to experience the opposite effect of that popular folklore.

Terry May 24, 2011 at 10:50 am

Oh, after an evening with 7-8 Guinnesses on my first trip to Ireland, I understood the "treacle" comments.

Limeylizzie May 24, 2011 at 11:50 am

Actually when I was drinking copious amounts of the magical draught Guinness I got laid a lot, maybe doesn't work so well for menfolk

mrblifil May 24, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Yes, the woman who states "hey you know what, I got laid last night!" is rarely accorded a special mention, or a prize ceremony, or a hearty Marine-style "OOH-RAH!" If getting laid is really all a woman wants, she needs to do little more than drop her hanky. Or her panties. Whichever is closest and most convenient.

However since we occupy the same rough geographical designation, if I see you holding forth in some quaint watering spot in our fair city, the Guinness will be on me.

Doktor Zoom May 24, 2011 at 9:50 am

In an eerie echo of his predecessor, Obama declared, "You're either for us, or you're a Guiness."

gurukalehuru May 24, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I hate just writing LOL, but that was an LOL

finallyhappy May 24, 2011 at 3:17 pm

I groaned out loud but triple thumbs up(if I could!)

mrblifil May 24, 2011 at 9:50 am

"He likes Black cock."

//fixed//

PsycWench May 24, 2011 at 9:51 am

Wingnuts would be more Guinness-friendly if they knew there was a loaf in every pint.

mereoblivion May 24, 2011 at 10:12 am

A jug of stout, a loaf of soda bread, and thou. Especially thou.

Terry May 24, 2011 at 9:53 am

Because whether they like it or not, the Irish, Scots, Welsh, Manx, and English are all kissing cousins to various degrees. They point out what are to them vast differences, but the further you get from their shores the bigger the similarities among them are.

Except Morris Dancing. God only knows where THAT came from.

Chet Kincaid May 24, 2011 at 9:57 am

"…the further you get from their shores the bigger the similarities among them are."

Case in point: the average NASCAR event.

fuflans May 24, 2011 at 10:53 am

Irish, Scots, Welsh, Manx, and English

and barry.

Limeylizzie May 24, 2011 at 11:46 am

Oh Jesus, used to go and watch the Morris Dancing on the village green at my local pub, drinking furiously was the only way to abide its folksy charm.

Terry May 24, 2011 at 11:56 am

We went to lunch at a local pub and ALL the Morris Dancing clubs from the DC area (who knew there was even one) where having an event. We were the ONLY PEOPLE in the place, other than staff, who weren't Morris Dancers. They did the same two dances (one with the swords, one with the pompoms/ribbons on the sticks) over and over and over and over and over. Then club members had to keep coming over to us, asking how we liked that version and pointing out the miniscule differences.

On the plus side, the fish and chips were fabulous, as was the beer.

finallyhappy May 24, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I almost joined the Rock Creek Morris Women when I came to DC(in 74). I spent my junior year in England so I thought I could be a dancer(I couldn't really dance and decided not to try any more) or learn to play the concertina.

Gunner Asch May 24, 2011 at 11:59 am

Morris Dancing is real? I always thought Terry Pratchett made it up as part of the far-end-of-the-probability-curve Discworld stories.

finallyhappy May 24, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Possibly he made it up but via time travel or some other sc-fi thing- it was transported back in time to become an authentic English thing. And what the hell is the Hobby Horse??

Bonzos_Bed_Time May 24, 2011 at 9:54 am

All drunks look the same.

Chillwaver May 24, 2011 at 9:57 am

Looks more like an Irishman-wannabe, so the pic must've been taken in in Boston.

freakishlywrong May 24, 2011 at 10:01 am

Have the hatewingers started the Joplin tornadoes are "Obama's Katrina" yet?

fuflans May 24, 2011 at 10:56 am

yes.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 24, 2011 at 11:26 am

I'm sticking with the "God dope-slapping Missouri" theory.

KeepFnThatChicken May 24, 2011 at 10:03 am

Christ of the Ozarks? Slightly less tacky than Touchdown-Burndown, but it will do.

And while I admit having reservations about Barack and his administration these last two years, he now has my vote because he drank a Guinness Draught.

lumpenprole May 24, 2011 at 10:04 am

I wanna see Barry hold his own on a Moscow trip. Or some Spring Break travesty, either way'll probably be cool.

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2011 at 10:20 am

Barry on the beer bong, Michelle flashing it for Girls Gone Wild Daytona Beach. Skin to win!!!

baconzgood May 24, 2011 at 10:04 am

"I'LLLLLLLLLL FUCK ANYTHING THAT MOOOOOOOOOOVES"

baconzgood May 24, 2011 at 10:11 am

OR

"Hey neighbor. shit for brains. You forgot I have a police radio. One 'Well Dressed man' knows where your cute little butt is hiding."

Weenus299 May 24, 2011 at 10:05 am

Guinness, the Nike of stout.

Bonzos_Bed_Time May 24, 2011 at 10:08 am

I prefer Young's Double Chocolate myself. It's just lovely.

Terry May 24, 2011 at 10:23 am

According to my Irish grandfather and great grandfather, Guinness was the Protestant stout and Murphy's was the Catholic stout.

L188188 May 24, 2011 at 10:45 am

Same as whiskey in a green bottle versus whiskey in a clear bottle – green versus orange (ish).

mrbubb May 24, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Agreed.

Bonzos_Bed_Time May 24, 2011 at 10:07 am

Hey Wonkette Jr, I thought Sara B. was in charge of the whole Barry-stalking thing?

Eve8Apples May 24, 2011 at 10:12 am

Maybe Michelle will give up on that gardening hobby and start a brewery in the White House basement.

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Jeremiah Wright of Way Brewing Company
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C.

First brew will be a lighter summer quaff, WitteSchwarzekirche.

PsycWench May 24, 2011 at 10:14 am

Damn immigrants, can't get away from 'em.

JoshuaNorton May 24, 2011 at 10:34 am

Bah! If he really wanted to impress them he'd be wearing a beer helmet and a "Kiss Me – I'm Irish" T-Shirt.

axmxz May 24, 2011 at 6:52 pm

A tight, tight green T-shirt.

…I'll be in my bunk.

L188188 May 24, 2011 at 10:44 am

I'll take sadness and pints any day.

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 10:45 am

The part of the drunken Briton will be played by Gerard Depardieu, oddly enough.

fuflans May 24, 2011 at 10:59 am

to be fair, i typically see the rapture when i down a pint of guiness.

DahBoner May 24, 2011 at 11:04 am

Actually, Guiness has less calories than Budweiser or apple juice…

Biel_ze_Bubba May 24, 2011 at 11:04 am

He's gonna tell God "Hit me!" one time too many. Mark my words.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 24, 2011 at 11:09 am

So they were, like, the preview audience? And we're waiting for the grand opening, at a theaters worldwide?

I'll believe it when I see leaked copies on the torrent sites.

jus_wonderin May 24, 2011 at 11:46 am

Is one required to wear a lab coat to pour up a Guiness?

JohnyEdge May 24, 2011 at 11:53 am

"I'm a Drunkard."

"That makes Rick a citizen of the world."

smitallica May 24, 2011 at 11:55 am

"Ok, we'll give some elected offices to the n*ggers and the chinks, but we DON'T WANT THE IRISH!"

FannyBurney May 24, 2011 at 11:58 am

I guess being raptured is better than being ruptured.

zhubajie May 24, 2011 at 7:49 pm

I was hoping that a whole butt-load of crooked evangelists would be swallowed up by the earth.

LiveToServeYa May 24, 2011 at 12:00 pm

John McCain would've started a fist-fight with an O'Cain by that point. There would be pics of him horribly punched in the Depends or something.

Steverino247 May 24, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Re the second photo. There's an inscription on the bottom of that Jesus statue that reads: "Verily, I say unto you, I once caught a fish this big."

Redhead May 24, 2011 at 12:14 pm

"No heaven for those people, just sadness and pints."

But such yummy, yummy pints…

BlueMonkeh May 24, 2011 at 12:15 pm

What is up with Drunky McDrunkerton lumbering over Michelle's left?

And what is up with the tent awning shirts over there? I was online ordering shirts for my husband from some prancy little Brit outfit and half of them are made of stuff I wouldn't use as a picnic tablecloth. The red and white stripes that guy is sporting? Do they do this so it's easier for the working class drunks to spot them for their beatings?

DustinDeWynde May 24, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Just like our Barack did with the Birf Certrickrificate, our dearly departed Black Irish gentleman, Bernie Mac, also took umbrage with being told to 'Show Me Your Papers': http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xivo39_president

Who could blame him?

donner_froh May 24, 2011 at 12:37 pm

O'Bama–the real Black Irish.

DustinDeWynde May 24, 2011 at 3:01 pm

In case you missed it below, I mashed up Bernie Mac's 'Black Irish' bit with his visit to Moneygall:

President O'Bama Knows All About The Luck Of The BLACK Irish http://t.co/RkEqkFP

Let's not forget that the British kept the Irish more or less as Slaves for more than 900 years, about twice as long as we maintained our Tradition of Slavery in America the Land of the Free.

Buckminster May 24, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Guiness=Cup o' Soup

Nopantsmcgee May 24, 2011 at 1:24 pm

I still have fond memories of the Big Dog and Yeltsin putting away 15 metric tons of sausage and beer in one evening. Say what you will about Bill but he knows how to live and live large.

rickmaci May 24, 2011 at 1:48 pm

"And I'm the bloke that got Bin Laden. Barkeep, a round for the house!!"

sportshort May 24, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Guinness: Makes Your Shit Black

And it does.

sati_demise May 24, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I want a Guinness right now. An Irish Guinness. Freshly pulled and creamy. Not fair, Obama.

Buckminster May 24, 2011 at 5:18 pm

The rapture picture looks like some kind of promo shot for NBC's The Event.

BZ1 May 24, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Now the teatards will demand to see his great-great-great-grandpa's birf certif….

zhubajie May 24, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Is the guy with the matching red face and red tie the president of Ireland?

zhubajie May 24, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Next, a visit to a potheen still?

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi May 24, 2011 at 8:20 pm

come see Barack O'bama and his
stealth neocon puppet road show

eatingraoul May 25, 2011 at 12:24 am

Yeah, but a REAL president with a birth certificate would fall down and then slap him some volleyball ass. That's how they do it in Beijing.

anniegetyerfun May 25, 2011 at 10:59 am

I was listening to coverage of the trip on the teevee, and there were all these super excited Irish people in the town where Barry's great great grandfather (or however many greats it was) used to live. It was heartening, to see that there is a place where people are just psyched to see him.

I brought this up with my husband at a business dinner the other night, and my boss, who is a dipshit, said, "That doesn't make any sense. He's not Irish." I pointed out that being half white meant that Obama could, in fact, have some Irish in him, but the way he shook his head led me to believe that there was no way that that idea could possibly take root in his brain stem.

IT'S JUST NOT POSSIBLE BECAUSE HE IS BLACK.

ShaveTheWhales May 26, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Hell, he could be part black Irish, as well as part black.

Terry May 24, 2011 at 10:25 am

I've seen those, too. I've also seen traffic in the busy heart of Dublin stopped so that a Guinness delivery truck could more easily pull in close to a pub.

baconzgood May 24, 2011 at 10:28 am

That's my heritage.

(Baconz puffing his chest out with pride)

HistoriCat May 24, 2011 at 11:50 am

It's all about priorities baby!

anniegetyerfun May 25, 2011 at 11:05 am

Remind me why I live in the US again? Is it for the freedumz?

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Had quite a few of those at a local gastropub — despite that designation, it's supremely good — in summer '08 & was hooked.

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