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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • MittsHairHelmet

    Nothing gets better.

    • OC_Surf_Serf

      Nothingness, though, has something…

      • SorosBot

        And that something would be vacuum energy, AKA dark energy and the cosmological constant.

        • BerkeleyBear

          Does the new revelation of dark planets call dark energy into question? Or am I just so out of touch as to not have a clue what I'm saying?

          • SorosBot

            They still don't comprise anywhere near as much mass as the stars and gas clouds we can see do, much less the amount needed for dark matter – about five times as much as the normal matter we know of. And dark energy isn't related.

          • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            Are you saying nothing's the matter?

    • V572..whatever

      Red wine?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Sex gets better once you have a clue what you are doing.

      • Troubledog

        Once I started slipping roofies into drinks FIRST, it gets better.

  • Barb

    In high school he was "obviously gay?" What is "obviously gay?" "Hey Chuck, I am going to go to the malt shop, what cha gonna do?" "Go suck a dick, obviously."

    • CrankyLttlCamperette

      He's not going to surreptitiously suck a dick, see?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      This mashup sort of sucks, but where can you go with such limited material?
      (From the actual video: "In high school, I was obviously boring… It does not get better…" )

      Coming on the heels of the Gingrich, Trump, and Ahnold snarkfests, poor old T-Paw has essentially zero chance of capturing anyone's attention — even the Wonketeers are all going "Come on, give us some material … we're dyin' here."

    • CalamityJames

      I could so go for a malted.

  • pinkocommi

    In a better world, people would be proud to be gay and in the closet about being conservative. In a perfect world, there would be no conservatives at all.

  • Barb

    T Paw's announcement listed under the obit section. http://tinyurl.com/3kjoarf

    • SorosBot

      I do wonder whether that was an accident or sly editorializing.

      • Sue4466

        Either way, it's a fucking WIN!

      • Ducksworthy

        Methinks it twere the latter. Although the PP is a right wing house organ of 3M some of the younger staffers still have souls.

  • freakishlywrong

    TPaw, please quit us.

  • freakishlywrong

    The next fuckstick that goes after the mother fucking teleprompter should have them shattered repeatedly at every speech, every where.

  • fuflans

    man i wouldn't want to piss off dan savage.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    It gets better. However, royalty free music will probably not.

  • Barb

    Dear Downfister,
    We found Wonkette Jr in a basket on our doorstep this morning and we are trying to keep them with us. They are skittish and you aren't helping anything. Adoption is always hard at first. Please, allow us this chance to bond with the new wee one.

    Okay, back to drawing straws to see who's gonna breastfeed. I'm going to go start some water on the stove to boil the nipples.

    • nounverb911

      fisty seems to have multiplied.

      • flamingpdog

        but still a little slower on the downthumb than usual. I guess Mom didn't feed him enough Sugar Pops for lunch.

    • Geminisunmars

      Ouch!

      • jus_wonderin

        Double ouch!

    • Nothingisamiss

      Barb, I'm willing to follow you, but my nipples really like room temperature.

  • nounverb911

    It doesn't get better it just gets more expensive.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Did I see the national debt counter there at fucking ZERO? That sure makes me want to vote for him.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      When I think of Pawlenty, I think 'zero'.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Tim Pawlenty takes all his fashion cues from Billy Corgan.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Didn't MN's legislature just vote to ban gay marriage? Very timely, Wonkette Jr. Nicely played. Was MN getting jealous of AZ and TN and thought they needed to hate the gays more? Needs more lutefisk.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      The legislature put a referendum on a one-man-one-woman amendment on the ballot. Like CA Prop 8 … I think. I suppose there will be an exception so Michele Bachman can stay married to her fabulous husband.

    • zhubajie

      Do they want to lose population to Iowa?

    • horsedreamer_1

      This is Good news for… ESPN Page 2 Grand Poobah & noted WNBA hater Bill Simmons!

  • SorosBot

    And of course the ad has a shot of T-Paw playing hockey. What's with this dude's hockey obsession?

    • Barb

      Well, he's more "Lois" than "Clark" and can't play sports. If you can't be an athlete, be like T-Paw and be an athletic supporter.

      • SorosBot

        "athletic supporter" – I see what you did there.

    • flamingpdog

      Don't Rethuglicans hate the hockey stick? http://salempress.com/store/samples/global_warmin

      • horsedreamer_1

        Read about that in MoJo. Just one big nerd fight.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      He likes clutching a big stick while running into men. It makes him giggle deliriously.

  • nounverb911

    Too boring?

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Wait, what? No, seriously, what?

  • PuckStopsHere

    He wasn't playing hockey. He was skating backwards for about a foot and a half while (clumsily) hanging on to a hockey stick hoping it might break his inevitable fall. Somebody ought to give him a two-hander to the throat (please, let it be me). Now that's hockey. Additionally and furthermore, he's from Minnesota. They don't even have a team.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Minnesota Wild since the late 90s, if not mistaken. But no titles for them. North Stars, later Stars, then Dallas Stars, "won" one in '99.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    OT but funny true story: For the crapture, I took a shirt, shorts and a pair of shoes from a pile of clothes we were giving to Goodwill and positioned them outside neatly by the curb to look like someone was 'raptured' in front of our house.. The next morning, the shoes were gone; someone had taken them! (I would have left some canned food and a twenty out there as well if I knew the person was that much in need)…

  • elviouslyqueer

    Okay, I admit that I would like to, just once, fuck Tim Pawlenty with Lindsey Graham's boyfriend's dick. But overall, that's just a big old boring slab of DO NOT WANT.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    How nice for teh gheys it gets better after high school! For the rest of us, not so much.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Tim Pawlenty: Too Boring For Minnesota

  • DustBowlBlues

    Maybe Wonkette Junior is a series of audtions? Jim loosening up from Gawker restrictions to test whether he can be wonkette funny and clever again? (I do miss the ginger.)

    • OC_Surf_Serf

      Wonkette Jr is like having our own Stig.

  • WriteyWriterton

    It.
    Gets.
    Boring.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    You mean piss on Dan Savage?

    • Troubledog

      and an excellent speller

  • WriteyWriterton

    W Jr.'s a little tentative so far.

    Loosen up, W. Jr! For teh Freedumbs!

  • Ducksworthy

    Minnesota did the opposite of getting better with Pawlenty screwing us.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I think this guy should put on a command helmet and pose in the turret of an M-1 Abrams main battle tank. It's worked before.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    "Highschool was bad…"
    For a sec there, I actually thought T-Paw was coming out…not that he'd be any less boring.

  • mariser

    oh the son of a bitch.
    the shameless fucker.

    DIAF, you worthless piece of…pawlenty

  • hagajim

    I didn't watch the video cause work won't let me….but was that T-Paw doing his tornado flyover of Joplin? That's what I mean when I say T-Paw is gonna bring it biyatches!

  • James Michael Curley

    Showing a Corvette and an Escalade going down the street sure say; "Man of the People."

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Pawlenty + Cure = Suicide

    • MittsHairHelmet

      No idea what The Cure reference is but thanks for making me look so knowledgeable.

  • Ducksworthy

    Oh and BTW, Target Corp. gave big bucks to the rabid homophobe in last year's gubernatorial race who, ironically, is a known Kochsucker. Go figure.

  • PabaBritannica

    Who is Tim Pawlenty?

  • SilverTsunami

    The polenta-man is gay? I don't understand.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    I'm not sure what that was but I didn't like it.

  • RedneckMuslin

    What? To be honest, I didn't get this video. What is it? Is it fake? Is Tpaw gay? WTF is going on around here?

  • Veritas78

    Wow. The Republicans are going to nominate their first openly gay candidate, Tim Pawlenty? Nixon will be soooooo pissed.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    "It gets better"
    Too bad polls seem to indicate otherwise.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Even if Pawlenty were gay, he wouldn't be a flaming homosexual. He'd be more of a right-around-room-temperature homosexual.

    • Negropolis

      So, what you're saying is that if he was a gay porn star, his name would be Luke Warm?

      • horsedreamer_1

        The Warm Has Turned.

  • Troubledog

    T-Yawn's wife is super cute.

  • wokeupliberal

    I don't get it. I mean, is calling Pawlenty gay supposed to be a bad thing? I feel like the only one who is sitting there at the end of the movie waiting for the rest of it.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    T-Paw couldn't convince me he or anything about him will get better if he showed up with a million dollars in one hand and big bag of dope in the other.

  • Beetagger

    We need to hold a chin-a-thon for this poor, poor man.

  • jus_wonderin

    NEEDS MOAR GLITTER!!!

  • flamingpdog

    If you'e Mitch Daniels, it gets battered.

  • Tundra Grifter

    "It does get better."

    That's what my doctor told me.

    • Negropolis

      That's what she said.

  • BarackMyWorld
  • BarackMyWorld

    Pawlenty of buttsecks.

  • C_R_Eature

    Why does Tim remind me of Merkin Muffley?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjN9yK4lhxU&fe

  • Boojum_Reborn

    Pawlenty is the glob of dried semen and spit left on the corner of your mouth after messy, unhygenic oral sex.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Really, he's so boring, you can't do a santorum on him. I'm thinking more like "Newt's the glob…" etc.

      • Boojum_Reborn

        True, but polenta, which is also boring, looks kind of like that dried semen-spit residue and sounds like Pawlenty.

  • zhubajie

    Exile him to the Satellite of Love!

    • vulpes82

      Oh, god, that would be the one way to make a MST3K NOT funny! Crow and Servo would throw him out an airlock before the short was over.

      • zhubajie

        >

  • ttommyunger

    "Tim Pawlenty: It Gets Better." Really, Tim? Tell me about izzzzzzzzzzzzzz