IT GETS BETTER  2:44 pm May 23, 2011

Tim Pawlenty: It Gets Better

by Wonkette Jr.

Gay people already face enough discrimination without being linked to fictional dweeb Tim Pawlenty, but we have to post this video because if we don’t, it will never get better.

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 92 comments }

MittsHairHelmet May 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Nothing gets better.

OC_Surf_Serf May 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Nothingness, though, has something…

SorosBot May 23, 2011 at 4:13 pm

And that something would be vacuum energy, AKA dark energy and the cosmological constant.

BerkeleyBear May 23, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Does the new revelation of dark planets call dark energy into question? Or am I just so out of touch as to not have a clue what I'm saying?

SorosBot May 23, 2011 at 5:57 pm

They still don't comprise anywhere near as much mass as the stars and gas clouds we can see do, much less the amount needed for dark matter – about five times as much as the normal matter we know of. And dark energy isn't related.

V572..whatever May 23, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Red wine?

BerkeleyBear May 23, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Sex gets better once you have a clue what you are doing.

Troubledog May 23, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Once I started slipping roofies into drinks FIRST, it gets better.

Barb May 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm

In high school he was "obviously gay?" What is "obviously gay?" "Hey Chuck, I am going to go to the malt shop, what cha gonna do?" "Go suck a dick, obviously."

CrankyLttlCamperette May 23, 2011 at 2:50 pm

He's not going to surreptitiously suck a dick, see?

Biel_ze_Bubba May 24, 2011 at 5:03 am

This mashup sort of sucks, but where can you go with such limited material?
(From the actual video: "In high school, I was obviously boring… It does not get better…" )

Coming on the heels of the Gingrich, Trump, and Ahnold snarkfests, poor old T-Paw has essentially zero chance of capturing anyone's attention — even the Wonketeers are all going "Come on, give us some material … we're dyin' here."

CalamityJames May 24, 2011 at 10:43 am

I could so go for a malted.

pinkocommi May 23, 2011 at 2:50 pm

In a better world, people would be proud to be gay and in the closet about being conservative. In a perfect world, there would be no conservatives at all.

Barb May 23, 2011 at 2:51 pm

T Paw's announcement listed under the obit section. http://tinyurl.com/3kjoarf

SorosBot May 23, 2011 at 3:14 pm

I do wonder whether that was an accident or sly editorializing.

Sue4466 May 23, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Either way, it's a fucking WIN!

Ducksworthy May 23, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Methinks it twere the latter. Although the PP is a right wing house organ of 3M some of the younger staffers still have souls.

freakishlywrong May 23, 2011 at 2:53 pm

TPaw, please quit us.

freakishlywrong May 23, 2011 at 2:55 pm

The next fuckstick that goes after the mother fucking teleprompter should have them shattered repeatedly at every speech, every where.

fuflans May 23, 2011 at 3:07 pm

man i wouldn't want to piss off dan savage.

mrblifil May 23, 2011 at 3:07 pm

It gets better. However, royalty free music will probably not.

Barb May 23, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Dear Downfister,
We found Wonkette Jr in a basket on our doorstep this morning and we are trying to keep them with us. They are skittish and you aren't helping anything. Adoption is always hard at first. Please, allow us this chance to bond with the new wee one.

Okay, back to drawing straws to see who's gonna breastfeed. I'm going to go start some water on the stove to boil the nipples.

nounverb911 May 23, 2011 at 3:10 pm

fisty seems to have multiplied.

flamingpdog May 23, 2011 at 5:55 pm

but still a little slower on the downthumb than usual. I guess Mom didn't feed him enough Sugar Pops for lunch.

Geminisunmars May 23, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Ouch!

jus_wonderin May 23, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Double ouch!

Nothingisamiss May 24, 2011 at 9:08 am

Barb, I'm willing to follow you, but my nipples really like room temperature.

nounverb911 May 23, 2011 at 3:09 pm

It doesn't get better it just gets more expensive.

BaldarTFlagass May 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Did I see the national debt counter there at fucking ZERO? That sure makes me want to vote for him.

smokefilledroommate May 23, 2011 at 3:19 pm

When I think of Pawlenty, I think 'zero'.

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Tim Pawlenty takes all his fashion cues from Billy Corgan.

Texan_Bulldog May 23, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Didn't MN's legislature just vote to ban gay marriage? Very timely, Wonkette Jr. Nicely played. Was MN getting jealous of AZ and TN and thought they needed to hate the gays more? Needs more lutefisk.

JustPixelz May 23, 2011 at 3:34 pm

The legislature put a referendum on a one-man-one-woman amendment on the ballot. Like CA Prop 8 … I think. I suppose there will be an exception so Michele Bachman can stay married to her fabulous husband.

zhubajie May 24, 2011 at 5:54 am

Do they want to lose population to Iowa?

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 2:41 pm

This is Good news for… ESPN Page 2 Grand Poobah & noted WNBA hater Bill Simmons!

SorosBot May 23, 2011 at 3:17 pm

And of course the ad has a shot of T-Paw playing hockey. What's with this dude's hockey obsession?

Barb May 23, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Well, he's more "Lois" than "Clark" and can't play sports. If you can't be an athlete, be like T-Paw and be an athletic supporter.

SorosBot May 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm

"athletic supporter" – I see what you did there.

flamingpdog May 23, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Don't Rethuglicans hate the hockey stick? http://salempress.com/store/samples/global_warmin

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Read about that in MoJo. Just one big nerd fight.

Boojum_Reborn May 24, 2011 at 3:09 am

He likes clutching a big stick while running into men. It makes him giggle deliriously.

nounverb911 May 23, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Too boring?

imissopus May 23, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Wait, what? No, seriously, what?

PuckStopsHere May 23, 2011 at 3:28 pm

He wasn't playing hockey. He was skating backwards for about a foot and a half while (clumsily) hanging on to a hockey stick hoping it might break his inevitable fall. Somebody ought to give him a two-hander to the throat (please, let it be me). Now that's hockey. Additionally and furthermore, he's from Minnesota. They don't even have a team.

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Minnesota Wild since the late 90s, if not mistaken. But no titles for them. North Stars, later Stars, then Dallas Stars, "won" one in '99.

smokefilledroommate May 23, 2011 at 3:29 pm

OT but funny true story: For the crapture, I took a shirt, shorts and a pair of shoes from a pile of clothes we were giving to Goodwill and positioned them outside neatly by the curb to look like someone was 'raptured' in front of our house.. The next morning, the shoes were gone; someone had taken them! (I would have left some canned food and a twenty out there as well if I knew the person was that much in need)…

elviouslyqueer May 23, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Okay, I admit that I would like to, just once, fuck Tim Pawlenty with Lindsey Graham's boyfriend's dick. But overall, that's just a big old boring slab of DO NOT WANT.

JustPixelz May 23, 2011 at 3:31 pm

How nice for teh gheys it gets better after high school! For the rest of us, not so much.

Pop_Socket May 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Tim Pawlenty: Too Boring For Minnesota

DustBowlBlues May 23, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Maybe Wonkette Junior is a series of audtions? Jim loosening up from Gawker restrictions to test whether he can be wonkette funny and clever again? (I do miss the ginger.)

OC_Surf_Serf May 23, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Wonkette Jr is like having our own Stig.

WriteyWriterton May 23, 2011 at 3:38 pm

It.
Gets.
Boring.

smokefilledroommate May 23, 2011 at 3:43 pm

You mean piss on Dan Savage?

Troubledog May 23, 2011 at 5:39 pm

and an excellent speller

WriteyWriterton May 23, 2011 at 3:43 pm

W Jr.'s a little tentative so far.

Loosen up, W. Jr! For teh Freedumbs!

Ducksworthy May 23, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Minnesota did the opposite of getting better with Pawlenty screwing us.

BaldarTFlagass May 23, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I think this guy should put on a command helmet and pose in the turret of an M-1 Abrams main battle tank. It's worked before.

Chillwaver May 23, 2011 at 3:47 pm

"Highschool was bad…"
For a sec there, I actually thought T-Paw was coming out…not that he'd be any less boring.

mariser May 23, 2011 at 3:49 pm

oh the son of a bitch.
the shameless fucker.

DIAF, you worthless piece of…pawlenty

hagajim May 23, 2011 at 3:51 pm

I didn't watch the video cause work won't let me….but was that T-Paw doing his tornado flyover of Joplin? That's what I mean when I say T-Paw is gonna bring it biyatches!

James Michael Curley May 23, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Showing a Corvette and an Escalade going down the street sure say; "Man of the People."

smokefilledroommate May 23, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Pawlenty + Cure = Suicide

MittsHairHelmet May 23, 2011 at 4:00 pm

No idea what The Cure reference is but thanks for making me look so knowledgeable.

Ducksworthy May 23, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Oh and BTW, Target Corp. gave big bucks to the rabid homophobe in last year's gubernatorial race who, ironically, is a known Kochsucker. Go figure.

PabaBritannica May 23, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Who is Tim Pawlenty?

SilverTsunami May 23, 2011 at 4:06 pm

The polenta-man is gay? I don't understand.

Monsieur_Grumpe May 23, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I'm not sure what that was but I didn't like it.

RedneckMuslin May 23, 2011 at 4:21 pm

What? To be honest, I didn't get this video. What is it? Is it fake? Is Tpaw gay? WTF is going on around here?

Veritas78 May 23, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Wow. The Republicans are going to nominate their first openly gay candidate, Tim Pawlenty? Nixon will be soooooo pissed.

Chillwaver May 23, 2011 at 5:00 pm

"It gets better"
Too bad polls seem to indicate otherwise.

Doktor Zoom May 23, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Even if Pawlenty were gay, he wouldn't be a flaming homosexual. He'd be more of a right-around-room-temperature homosexual.

Negropolis May 24, 2011 at 4:10 am

So, what you're saying is that if he was a gay porn star, his name would be Luke Warm?

horsedreamer_1 May 24, 2011 at 3:13 pm

The Warm Has Turned.

Troubledog May 23, 2011 at 5:41 pm

T-Yawn's wife is super cute.

wokeupliberal May 23, 2011 at 5:43 pm

I don't get it. I mean, is calling Pawlenty gay supposed to be a bad thing? I feel like the only one who is sitting there at the end of the movie waiting for the rest of it.

donner_froh May 23, 2011 at 5:43 pm

T-Paw couldn't convince me he or anything about him will get better if he showed up with a million dollars in one hand and big bag of dope in the other.

Beetagger May 23, 2011 at 5:44 pm

We need to hold a chin-a-thon for this poor, poor man.

jus_wonderin May 23, 2011 at 5:46 pm

NEEDS MOAR GLITTER!!!

flamingpdog May 23, 2011 at 5:47 pm

If you'e Mitch Daniels, it gets battered.

Tundra Grifter May 23, 2011 at 6:51 pm

"It does get better."

That's what my doctor told me.

Negropolis May 24, 2011 at 4:11 am

That's what she said.

BarackMyWorld May 23, 2011 at 7:13 pm
BarackMyWorld May 23, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Pawlenty of buttsecks.

C_R_Eature May 23, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Why does Tim remind me of Merkin Muffley?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjN9yK4lhxU&fe

Boojum_Reborn May 24, 2011 at 3:13 am

Pawlenty is the glob of dried semen and spit left on the corner of your mouth after messy, unhygenic oral sex.

Nothingisamiss May 24, 2011 at 9:12 am

Really, he's so boring, you can't do a santorum on him. I'm thinking more like "Newt's the glob…" etc.

Boojum_Reborn May 24, 2011 at 9:21 am

True, but polenta, which is also boring, looks kind of like that dried semen-spit residue and sounds like Pawlenty.

zhubajie May 24, 2011 at 5:55 am

Exile him to the Satellite of Love!

vulpes82 May 24, 2011 at 8:25 am

Oh, god, that would be the one way to make a MST3K NOT funny! Crow and Servo would throw him out an airlock before the short was over.

zhubajie May 24, 2011 at 8:06 pm

>

ttommyunger May 24, 2011 at 9:49 am

"Tim Pawlenty: It Gets Better." Really, Tim? Tell me about izzzzzzzzzzzzzz

smokefilledroommate May 23, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Are you saying nothing's the matter?

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