hippity hop

Michael Steele Is Now Going To Wreck MSNBC

This reminds us of the theme song from 'All That Jazz' for some reason.Michael Steele was (barely) chosen as the Republican Party chairman a few years ago as a response to Barack Obama’s election to the presidency. Not a political response, so much as an image-y kind of thing. It’s hard to remember now, but the trend in 2008-2009 was all about tall, dark and handsome men. Especially the “dark” part. But the Republicans only had creepy old goatee-man Alan Keyes and bald Maryland mediocrity Michael Steele to choose from, and what’s his name, the pizza man, hadn’t yet been born. (Herman Cain is a super baby, were you aware?) So they, the Republicans, picked Michael Steele to run the Republican party. And all the angry white old people promptly started their own Republican Party, but without the black people, and they called this the “Tea Party” (even though they mostly drank Sprite). Now Michael Steele has finished his work at the RNC, and is going to be a TV star with Rachel Maddow and … I don’t know anyone else on MSNBC. Conan O’Brien?

If you want a quick lesson in the history of Michael Steele, you should go read all the posts by my hero Juli Weiner, who is now a literary star at Vanity Fair magazine and probably has a limo and thrice-weekly nail appointments. The main things Michael Steele did for the RNC was to hire a lot of lesbian strippers, which is pretty street, and then to put these hip-hop videos on the Republican website. Let’s find this press release they forwarded to us.

FORMER RNC CHAIR MICHAEL STEELE NAMED MSNBC POLITICAL ANALYST

New York – May 23, 2011 – Former Republican National Committee (RNC) chairman Michael Steele has been named MSNBC political analyst. The announcement was made today by Phil Griffin, President of MSNBC, and is effective immediately.

Steele, who has been a frequent guest on MSNBC, will now regularly appear on the full lineup of MSNBC programming as part of the network’s diverse group of analysts and contributors.

“I’m thrilled to have Michael join MSNBC,” said Phil Griffin, President of MSNBC. “His strong voice and opinions will be a great addition to all of our programs.”

“It’s an honor to contribute and engage in the dialogue on MSNBC,” said Steele. “I look forward to engaging a diverse audience to share insights and analysis about the people, issues, and events shaping America’s future. I’m sure our discussions will be both informative and a bit spirited!”

Michael Steele is President and CEO of The Steele Group, a company he started in 1999. The Steele Group works with institutional and individual clients to design overall business development, investor, networking, and communications strategies. He was the first African-American chairman of the Republican National Committee. Steele left the RNC post earlier this year after setting a new direction for the Republican Party that led to record-setting fundraising totals and winning more seats at the federal, state, and local level since 1928. Prior to that, Steele was elected Lieutenant Governor of Maryland, becoming the first African American elected in that state.

Dreamy. Do I link a news story even if it’s just from a press release you forwarded me? I will link this story in the Baltimore paper because “The Wire” had a lot of black people in it and Michael Steele is probably just like in that show, because he lives in Maryland. Not really, he so lives in Chevy Chase! [Baltimore Sun]

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182 comments

    1. ganmerlad

      Can't call it that, that is what the Britebart people already call it. Thinking caps everyone…

  1. prommie

    Holy mackeral, Andy! Yes indeedy, doddly doo. Its about time the minstrel show made a comeback.

    1. WunkRocker

      Needs Bobby Jindal to go on and talk about Volcanoes (since another'n blowed up).

    1. James Michael Curley

      If you remove all the vowels from Rence Priebus's name you are left with RNC PRBS – Republican National Committee Public Relations Bull Shit.

    2. SorosBot

      It looks almost like a misspelling of Priapus, the Greek god of boners. (Really).

      1. Rotundo_

        If we have any folks familiar with german folklore and the like did they have a nordic god named "Priebus" who either posessed or was in total a huge dick? It seems like it would make sense.

      2. ShaveTheWhales

        Actually, it's one of those simple transpositions that slip in over time. Originally, it was "Brie pus". French, y'know?

    3. C_R_Eature

      Priebus sounds too much like Priapus. Although, he was probably a fun God to have around.

  2. Radiotherapy

    Make fun of this guy all you want, but during his reign, the Repugs took the house and, most importantly, got the tax cuts for the job creators.
    He didn't have a results problem, it was an image problem.
    Now he's just a problem.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      "He didn't have a results problem, it was an image problem. "

      He didn't have a results problem, it was a color problem.

      Fixed.

    2. Poindexter718

      "Make fun of this guy all you want, but during his reign…"

      "Make fun of this guy all you want, but despite his reign…"

      Fixed. (But mad props for not making it "rein".)

      1. Callyson

        That was one of Steele's big problems: he *couldn't* make it rain, and left behind a huge deficit for the Reeps. Kind of like what W left for the country…

        1. Rotundo_

          It was all the little things, like being descended from african folks and the strippers, being descended from african folks and the gaffes, being descended from african folks and having the big donors set up their own independent operations outside the party to avoid having anything to do with someone descended from african folks. They just kept adding up.

  3. Eve8Apples

    "The main things Michael Steele did for the RNC was to hire a lot of lesbian strippers"

    Hopefully, Mike will continue that tradition at MSNBC.

  4. Gopherit

    This means only one thing to me: Maybe Jon Stewart will bring back Muppet Steele!

    1. Geminisunmars

      You notice how every Wonkette Jr story has a silver lining. So clearly not Layne writing it.

    2. mileslarboy

      YES!!! That IS the only bright side to this. Otherwise I was totally depressed to read this (even with MSNBC being as bad as it is already!).

  5. freakishlywrong

    Can't wait for the first librul mashup that is Joe Doucheborough, Pat Buchannan, and, well, this guy.

      1. Rotundo_

        Maybe he's becoming a comic sidekick for Scarborough! He and grumpy old Pat and Donny Dufus and the lovely Mika for some eye candy.

    1. riverside68

      My guess is he likes the full bodied large waist band blonds,
      She goes more for the nasty librarian brunettes.

  6. SorosBot

    I kind of miss Steele at the RNC; I can't even remember the new guy's name, and he hasn't done anything notably goofy like Steele used to do all the time.

    1. gef05

      I still reckon the new guy needs to change his name to something less high falutin.

      Something like Reince N'Priebus.

  7. Captain_Quark

    Michael Jackson isn't available, so I guess MSNBC had to settle for the "other Michael" in its attempt to provide the kind of entertainment, analysis, and insight the American people hunger for.

  8. PsycWench

    they called this the “Tea Party” (even though they mostly drank Sprite lukewarm PBR) Fixed that for you, Wonkette Jr.

    1. AnAmericanInTO

      Oh, come on! It's Walgreen brand Orange drink or GTFO!

      Or any number of the knock off Dr. Pepper's: Dr. Radical, Dr. Thunder, Dr. Zeppa…

    2. Pithaughn

      As an actual liquor store employee here in TeaTard Town, the brand of choice is Natural Light. I was able to confirm this while canvassing the "homes" in my precinct.
      By my precinct I refer to my official role in the Democratic Party of Vice Prince Chancellor of said precinct. Why did I run for this office? A pretty girl smiled at me during the last caucus and I nodded yes! Bam, Co Captain or something! Oh and the "homes" would be refered to as manufactured housing in polite circles.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I'd love to see that Wiener or Grayson guy on Fox as much as I see that pathetic fucker Buchanan on MSNBC.

      1. HistoriCat

        You have a typo in your comment :
        "pathetic fucker well-known liberal Buchanan on MSNBC."

        There – fixed it for you.

  9. MissTaken

    FINALLY! I've waited too damn long for the urban, suburban hip hop to come to MSNBC. Moo, motherfuckers!

    1. sezme

      Careful, Jr. The Wonket voice is first person plural. Plural. You got at least three demerit points for this post.

  10. SorosBot

    Should we try and finish the incomplete alt-text? "This reminds us of the theme song from" – Glee?

  11. DaSandman

    Well MSNBC had to go for a fair and balanced quota. All the other people of color on the air are good looking, well spoken and sane.

    Beside which, if you're a busy exec you need a brother that can score an eightball and a lesbo floor show on short notice for you.

    1. OkieDokieDog

      OT – but that Scary Sarah Palin ad thingy just changed to one about Zombies. Actually I think zombies are probably more human and lifelike that Sarah Lou.

      1. OkieDokieDog

        Oops – its ^ not it is. I ain't that OKIE nuff to not know the difference.

        Here's another one you can downfist, tiny weenie, as I go up thumb for freedums!!1

    2. Callyson

      They have a black female, can't remember her name but I would totally gay – marry her, who used to fill in for KO sometimes.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      Plenty batshit. Too dark. As per above, they've filled their quota of the dark mens.

  12. Gunner Asch

    Steele seemed an absolute buffoon when in charge of the RNC, but he seems not bad at all (for a Republican) when on Rachael's show. Maybe she radiates enough extra brain waves to supply the immediate vicinity.

  13. grigoritheocto

    The title of this article implies that MSNBC was not wrecked before DJ Jazzy Steele was hired. This of course, is not possible, because MSNBC is a 24-hour news channel. And everyone knows that 24-hour news channels are made from poop.

    1. Ms Whatever

      You forgot about the 8-hour-a-day prison reality show programming, also played continuous from 8p Friday to early Monday am.

  14. edgydrifter

    I'll support this move if either of the following is true:
    1) He gets his own show called Black Steele where every episode is him walking around gritty areas of urban desolation in a burnt umber turtleneck talking about how "street" he is and how he delivered his own brand of justice "back in the day."
    2) He wins the super uncoveted role of "conservative Alan Colmes" which basically pays him to get rhetorically destroyed every day on Maddow's show.

    1. chicken_thief

      He's actually pretty good on Maddow. I think he and her genuinely like each other. But not THAT way.

      1. Ms Whatever

        She's helping his career by having him on so much and treating him like the "cool guy" of the Republican kidz. She might have gotten him the gig. He better keep on her good side. MSNBC should also acquire TDS' Muppet Michael Steele.

    2. HistoriCat

      Black Steele? I was hoping he would stick with his theme from the RNC website redesign, What Up?

    3. tessiee

      "He gets his own show called Black Steele where every episode is him walking around gritty areas of urban desolation in a burnt umber turtleneck"

      Also, he needs to be followed at all times by his backup band a la "I'm gonna git you sucka".

  15. Slim_Pickins

    Maybe he and Rick Santelli can do a regular 'Douche bag – Counter-Douche bag' segment.

        1. jus_wonderin

          I listened to that. I was soo not aware that he did so many excellent impressions. He had “Trump” spot on. He is on to late for this 52 yo but the “Thank You” segments were hilarious.

      1. trondant

        I was gonna say Juan Williams, but now that I think about it he's probably a Messican.

        1. DustBowlBlues

          Whatev'. He's dark enough to qualify as a person of the negro persuation on Faux newz.

  16. arihaya

    "If you want a quick lesson in the history of Michael Steele, you should go read all the posts by my hero Juli Weiner, "

    oh intern bluffing his/her seniors, I'm quite familiar with these

  17. Goonemeritus

    Is it just me or is anyone else’s schedule being thrown off by this Wonkette Jr’s work ethic? One might rightly accuse this person of enthusiasm which I find to be a reprehensible character flaw.

    1. HistoriCat

      That's how you know they don't have the job yet. It took Jack about 8 days before he hit the "Newell Zone."

    2. ganmerlad

      It is better to have too much than too little. Chasing stories is preferable to seeing the same one sitting there for more than a day.

      Also, there may be more than one Jr.

  18. pinkocommi

    Downfister doesn't like us making fun of the black man. Either that or Downfister is a huge fan of lesbian bondage clubs.

    1. tessiee

      If Bobtroll is the one downfisting, he thinks we're all racist for some reason, remember?

  19. Texan_Bulldog

    If he hits on Tamron Hall, I hope she knees him in the groin. Or is he like Clarence Thomas & only goes for the white meat?

  20. chicken_thief

    …"even though they mostly drank Sprite".

    Diet Sprite! To wash down their super-sized Big Mac's with a double order of fries and a (motherfucking HOT!!!!) apple pie for dessert. Gotta watch the calories, ya know….

  21. BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe he could become Colmes to Rachel's Hannity, and call it "Lesbony and Irony."

  22. fuflans

    i like that picture, but i like the other fey one with the little yappy dog better.

    welcome wonkette jr we are very happy you are the changes around here and the apocolypse is not the changes around here.

  23. prommie

    Its gonna be a cruel, cruel summer, folks, with Ken off being a novelist and all now, and Stueff flying the coop, and Waggaman wandering off. Woe betide us, what will become of our beloved Wonkette?

    1. SorosBot

      Let's just hope our mysterious new intern Wonkette Jr. here is a kind master or mistress.

    2. HistoriCat

      Evan Hurst offered to write something beyond his usual pushing of the homosexual agenda! Plus there's that Canadian guy – they've just about thawed in Canada, right? Hell, maybe Sara Benincasa survived sharing a stage with Breitbart and will toss off something for us losers.

      Oh and we still have Blair Burke to kick around read.

  24. Billmatic

    The Wire reference made me think that there should be a buddy comedy staring Mr. Steele and Omar Little.

    It will be called "Oh, Indeed."

  25. MissTaken

    Does this mean that Steele will host episodes of "Lockup: Wherever A Prison Can Be Found" now? If so I might actually start watching those.

  26. DustBowlBlues

    That cross eyed Uncle Tom was on The Takeaway this morning and even in radio I could picture his crazy eyes. I switch the dial (well, not really the dial) any time he comes on my screen because I can't stand him and his crazy eyes. Or have I mentioned his crazy eyes already?

  27. BZ1

    political analyst??? the Steele sure had a pulse on the steet lingo, for one, but he knew sumthin' about the politiks?!

  28. KeepFnThatChicken

    How is it that we luck out with a photo of Michael Steele dressed as a leisure-class dandy? Where's the ukulele?

    1. Callyson

      Let's just say you don't want the job of the person who has to mop up the club's floors after the show…

  29. PuckStopsHere

    Wow, this will be just like that black dude they got to be on Faux–you know, the one who used to be head of the DNC–who "will now regularly appear on the full lineup…as part of the network’s diverse group of analysts and contributors." That guy. Whatshisname. Oh, and fuck Cabletown.

  30. SilverTsunami

    This is GREAT News! The Daily Show will not have to retire the Muppet-knock-off of Michael Steele!

  31. mariser

    I cant' believe I didn't know there was such an entity as "The Steele Group".
    [snort]
    thanks, Wonkette Jr.. for that amusing bit of info

  32. prommie

    The black character on Southpark, his name is "Token." This should be Steele's name.

  33. Rotundo_

    The Steele Group sounds like something that starts out in grand style in tall glass sided office buildings in key places like D.C. or New York, and ends up in a strip mall next to the cigarette depot and Madame Desiree's Tarot readings. With one battered mahogany desk and a was-wood wreck for the "secretary" he hires for 20 hours a week at minimum wage to write press releases about all the important doings going on.

    1. tessiee

      "press releases about all the important doings going on"

      There's doin's a-transpirin'.

  34. lochnessmonster

    Made up history again. Didn't Steele leave a lot of unpaid bills, scandalous expenditures? I'd hardly call that setting a new direction for the GOP.

  35. Terry

    "Prior to that, Steele was elected Lieutenant Governor of Maryland, becoming the first African American elected in that state."

    He was the first African American Lieutenant Governor, but not the first African American elected in the whole darn state. BAD writing, MSNBC.

    1. Terry

      William H. Butler, Sr. (c.1842-1892) the first elected black official in Maryland, was elected to be alderman of Annapolis' third ward in 1873.

      So, there, MSNBC.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Once again, anonymous hobby Internet blog commentator out-researches professional paid national news organization. How many times is this now? Are we into exponents yet?

        1. Terry

          I was born and raised in Maryland. I know that Steele wasn't the first African American elected in the State because I've seen first hand (and voted for) a range of people of color in office.

          Boy, that kind of sloppy writing annoys me.

          1. C_R_Eature

            Well, Terry you deserve a Laurel and Hearty Handshake for setting the record straight. Thanks!Sloppy writing – and research – really gets to me too. These people are getting paid, fercrissakes and don't get me started on correct information as a Public Trust…

  36. Limeylizzie

    OK, I am reading your post in bright sunlight on my very old iBook and I thought yor name was "Cum Toting [ Redacted].

  37. Limeylizzie

    I have love for Michael Steele, seriously, when he is on Rachel's show they have terrific chemistry, probably both talk about what amazing cunnilinguists they are during breaks , anyway I am a fan and I think he seems really nice and funny. Go on downfist me, no not you Rachel, from you I will take the aforementioned cunnilingus.

  38. C_R_Eature

    Michael Steele is to political and media organizations
    – as –
    Groo The Wanderer is to watercraft.

  39. zhubajie

    I was hoping he'd slide off to some place warm and cheap and without extradition with all the RNC's ill-gotten gains, to write a scurrilous memoir and perhaps open a lesbian bondage club for sex-pats. No such luck.

  40. Refudiation

    Assuming Steele holds some lingering discontent over getting tossed out of the GOP circle jerk, we could be treated to a "Bitch set me up!" moment as soon as the cameras come on.

  41. flamingpdog

    Michael Steele – analyst. Rush Limpballs – anal cyst. You think those guys would be better friends.

  42. trondant

    You could shoot her from a cannon and I'd still watch.

    But seriously, Rachel, this guy has the right idea. Hell, take Steele to the titty bar with you and he can expense it, like he did last time.

    And politics *is* allowed in the champagne room.

  43. mrblifil

    Unfortunately for Steele his contract as an analyst limits his participation to popping up in miniature in the lower third of the screen and saying "Whassup!!" while swiveling his hips enough to call his sexual orientation somewhat into question.

  44. Beck_is_Trig

    Hey now libtards…rappin' Michael Steele IS cooler than "the Young Cons"….and if any of you ask who they are…so help me I will find something of theirs just so I can prove my point. The lameness…and the pastyness, and the white guy uncoolness…all of it rapping about shit like how great Reagan is…and how street the Brooks Brothers posse is. When I first heard about these douchenozzels…I thought some clever libtards issued a mega-troll/prank on the entirety of white 'Merica….then to my shock and amusement, I found out THEY'RE REAL, like those mythical tea-bagger rappers…and trust me, it's sounds even worse than it seems. Wonkette should start a new teabagger music review on here, just so we can laugh and have our ears bleed from their attempts at sounding cool…just sayin', political songs are totally worth reporting on. Now, since I've subjected myself to this…I'll go listen to Bob Marley to cleanse my soul…"No woman, no cry" (bet he never heard the "Young Cons"…they trigger involuntary crying)

    1. tessiee

      I remember getting in a heated argument with a former co-worker about whether Spinal Tap was satire or just really, really stupid (I contended that they were satire), so I'm reserving judgement on whether or not "Young Cons" are satire (especially with the word "cons" in their very name).

  45. tessiee

    MSNBC should create a Sunday morning show featuring Steele, Clarence Thomas, Condi Rice, and Herman Cain. They would sit around and give their opinions about what Obama SHOULD have done the preceding week. Call it Uncle Toms Cabinet.

    fxd

  46. Negropolis

    Snark off ffor a minute, I don't gete why Rachel likes him. I find myself switching the channel whenever she has him on. He's not on MSNBC because he wants to be (and it shows); he's on MSNBC because their the only rat-f%ckers who will have his goofy ass.

    It's really kind of painful to watch, because both Rachel and her audience knows that she knows more about Michael's party's talking points and policies than even he does. He doesn't offer anything intellectually that some random conservative pundit couldn't, already.

  47. Negropolis

    The Steele Group works with institutional and individual clients to design overall business development, investor, networking, and communications strategies.

    So, it's your typical bullshit racket, eh? Nobody should be poor in this world, not with how easy cons are, these days. I bet it has a P.O. box for an address.

    BTW, needz moar double-tuff Oreos.

  48. ttommyunger

    "Michael Steele Is Now Going To Wreck MSNBC." Really? Then what, sink the Titanic?

  49. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Larry, the MSNBC flunkie: "Hey Moe, I hired that color commentator you wanted. Nyuk nyuk,"
    Moe: "Why you…"

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