spy vs. spy

CIA Leaks Memo Telling CIA To Stop Leaking Memos

Uhh:

WASHINGTON — CIA director Leon Panetta is warning his employees that leakers will be investigated and possibly prosecuted after a flurry of reports in the media about the technology and methods used to track and ultimately kill Osama bin Laden.

In a memo obtained by The Associated Press, Panetta told staff Wednesday that the disclosure of classified information to anyone not cleared for it – reporters, friends, colleagues in other agencies or former CIA officers – can endanger lives.

So Panetta’s memo yelling at CIA employees for leaking all the sexy Bin Laden murder stuff is itself leaked, immediately. CIA, we hate to engage in old Internet cliches at a time when our doomed nation very much needs to take the lead in creating new Internet cliches, but you’re doing it wrong. [Associated Press]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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49 comments

    1. BornInATrailer

      See, that is Wonkette at its finest. First comment manages to link the story back to all things anal.

    2. DashboardBuddha

      I remember Wow! chips. I believed they called this product such a name because when you ate them you found yourself saying, "Wow! I just shit my pants", or "Wow, my anus is leaking on my parent's sofa!", or "Wow! What is dribbling out of my boyfriend's ass while I'm blowing him?".

    1. mumbly_joe

      Sure it would have- it's just that instead of the AP picking up the story, it would have been Pravda.

  1. Schmannnity

    "Panetta told staff Wednesday that the disclosure of classified information to anyone not cleared for it – reporters, friends, colleagues in other agencies or former CIA officers – can endanger lives."

    Just ask Valerie Plame.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      That was leaked by the head of the fourth branch of government, who is above all accusations. Surely you have read the super secret hidden parts of the Constitution that Dick Cheney had added in 2002.

    1. Extemporanus

      That's why it took ten years to get him — every single Pakistani cab driver is in New York City.

      In all seriousness, though, it's good to know that ex-pat Travis Bickle is back behind the wheel and just cold washin' the scum off the streets again.

  2. SayItWithWookies

    If the CIA is like any other office, Panetta has to leak this order, since most employees don't read the crap that gets out on the distribution list anyway.

  3. CapeClod

    Forget it Leon. The easiest way to score in DC over the past few weeks has been to brag about how you were 'in on' clipping Bin Laden

  4. Arken

    "Damn it, when I said take a leak, I meant go to the bathroom so we don't have to stop on the way to Pakistan!"

  5. V572..whatever

    Porter Goss, where are you when we need you most?

    Still busy burning evidence from naked stripper parties on Duke Cunningham's yacht? Okay then.

  6. Naked_Bunny

    the disclosure of classified information to anyone not cleared for it …can endanger lives.

    When you routinely classify everything, how can you expect anyone to take this rhetoric seriously? It's like how the old terrorism rainbow never went below yellow.

    1. V572..whatever

      Yeah thank goodness that was replaced with some incomprehensible new system. This is so much better:

      "The Secretary of Homeland Security has not issued an elevated or imminent alert at this time; we remain at a heightened level of vigilance."

      Up your vigilance, Janet!

      1. Naked_Bunny

        Isn't "we remain at a heightened level of vigilance" just another way of saying "we're in the office" at DHS?

  7. meufchelou

    Y'all are looking at it the wrong way. Leon's just going meta like the rest of us.

  8. Gopherit

    If Panetta is this pissed they've probably been leaking classified information. That's not something to just laugh off. I hope they nail the ass of whoever is doing it. I fully expect them to be a Bush appointee.

  9. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The one great thing about leaked CIA Memos is that they tend to be soaked in the best blotter acid so that they mess with the Press' minds. Why do you think reporters are the way they are?

  10. Callyson

    Downfisting troll is just jealous that it did not get the memo leaked to it.
    (I refer to the troll as "it" not just because I don't know the troll's gender, but also because the troll acts like a machine: hence, "it" it is…)

  11. pinkocommi

    If a CIA agent leaks information and gets caught, they deserve to be fired simply for not being a very good CIA agent. Sneaky stuff is what they're supposed to do, right?

  12. user-of-owls

    Careful, Panetta. You know what happened to the last Leon who got sideways of the powerful down Mexico way.

  13. mull_man

    Well, doesn't that ████ like ██████████████████ bacon ████████████ and ████████ so the cocker spaniel ████████████████ Lindsey ████ ████████████ ointment.

    You happy now Leon?

  14. ArmoredBore

    This kind of thing is proof against conspiracy theories. The same hyper-competent government that covered up Obama's foreign birth, the Moon Landing Hoax, and JFK Assassination Plot is the same government that lets leaks like this happen when it isn't watching New Orleans flood like it's a made-for-TV movie.

  15. DaRooster

    FWD*leak*-

    They landed in a helicopter, sneaked in and shot him in the eye.

    END*leak*

  16. ttommyunger

    Secrets come in, secrets go out, never a miscommunication, Leon. Who can explain it?

  17. Biel_ze_Bubba

    It was released on a need-to-know basis – and Leon wants everybody to know that leaks are frowned upon.

    That's why I did it. Really! That's the only reason!! AAAH! NOT AGAIN!!!?! *Glub glub cough hack glub glub…*

Comments are closed.