SPY VS. SPY  1:09 pm May 20, 2011

CIA Leaks Memo Telling CIA To Stop Leaking Memos

by Ken Layne


WASHINGTON — CIA director Leon Panetta is warning his employees that leakers will be investigated and possibly prosecuted after a flurry of reports in the media about the technology and methods used to track and ultimately kill Osama bin Laden.

In a memo obtained by The Associated Press, Panetta told staff Wednesday that the disclosure of classified information to anyone not cleared for it – reporters, friends, colleagues in other agencies or former CIA officers – can endanger lives.

So Panetta’s memo yelling at CIA employees for leaking all the sexy Bin Laden murder stuff is itself leaked, immediately. CIA, we hate to engage in old Internet cliches at a time when our doomed nation very much needs to take the lead in creating new Internet cliches, but you’re doing it wrong. [Associated Press]

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freakishlywrong May 20, 2011 at 1:15 pm

CIA-The Olestra of gubb'mint agencies .

BornInATrailer May 20, 2011 at 2:00 pm

See, that is Wonkette at its finest. First comment manages to link the story back to all things anal.

V572..whatever May 20, 2011 at 2:15 pm

And here's upfist for you both, in celebration thereof.

freakishlywrong May 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm

I see what you did there..

DashboardBuddha May 20, 2011 at 2:40 pm

I remember Wow! chips. I believed they called this product such a name because when you ate them you found yourself saying, "Wow! I just shit my pants", or "Wow, my anus is leaking on my parent's sofa!", or "Wow! What is dribbling out of my boyfriend's ass while I'm blowing him?".

Biel_ze_Bubba May 21, 2011 at 6:59 am

I thought the first reaction was, "Wow … these really suck!"

James Michael Curley May 20, 2011 at 1:15 pm

First copy went to Jullian Assange

SarahsBush May 20, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Someone doesn't like their new boss.

Monsieur_Grumpe May 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm

They probably blocked Wonkette from their work computers and pissed someone off.

Oblios_Cap May 20, 2011 at 1:21 pm

This would have never happened when GHW Bush was Director!

mumbly_joe May 20, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Sure it would have- it's just that instead of the AP picking up the story, it would have been Pravda.

Schmannnity May 20, 2011 at 1:22 pm

"Panetta told staff Wednesday that the disclosure of classified information to anyone not cleared for it – reporters, friends, colleagues in other agencies or former CIA officers – can endanger lives."

Just ask Valerie Plame.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm

That was leaked by the head of the fourth branch of government, who is above all accusations. Surely you have read the super secret hidden parts of the Constitution that Dick Cheney had added in 2002.

SudsMcKenzie May 20, 2011 at 2:21 pm

That is why your the 'law talking" guy.

ifthethunderdontgetya May 20, 2011 at 1:24 pm
JustPixelz May 20, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I thought they found him by hailing a cab in Islamabad and saying "Osama's house … and step on it!"

Extemporanus May 20, 2011 at 2:24 pm

That's why it took ten years to get him — every single Pakistani cab driver is in New York City.

In all seriousness, though, it's good to know that ex-pat Travis Bickle is back behind the wheel and just cold washin' the scum off the streets again.

SayItWithWookies May 20, 2011 at 1:27 pm

If the CIA is like any other office, Panetta has to leak this order, since most employees don't read the crap that gets out on the distribution list anyway.

CapeClod May 20, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Forget it Leon. The easiest way to score in DC over the past few weeks has been to brag about how you were 'in on' clipping Bin Laden

arihaya May 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm

since when did Xzibit became the director of CIA ??

Arken May 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm

"Damn it, when I said take a leak, I meant go to the bathroom so we don't have to stop on the way to Pakistan!"

V572..whatever May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Porter Goss, where are you when we need you most?

Still busy burning evidence from naked stripper parties on Duke Cunningham's yacht? Okay then.

Naked_Bunny May 20, 2011 at 1:40 pm

the disclosure of classified information to anyone not cleared for it …can endanger lives.

When you routinely classify everything, how can you expect anyone to take this rhetoric seriously? It's like how the old terrorism rainbow never went below yellow.

V572..whatever May 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Yeah thank goodness that was replaced with some incomprehensible new system. This is so much better:

"The Secretary of Homeland Security has not issued an elevated or imminent alert at this time; we remain at a heightened level of vigilance."

Up your vigilance, Janet!

Naked_Bunny May 20, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Isn't "we remain at a heightened level of vigilance" just another way of saying "we're in the office" at DHS?

V572..whatever May 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm

If it’s payday, yes!

meufchelou May 20, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Y'all are looking at it the wrong way. Leon's just going meta like the rest of us.

Weenus299 May 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm

PFC Bradley Manning, next CIA chief.

Gopherit May 20, 2011 at 2:04 pm

If Panetta is this pissed they've probably been leaking classified information. That's not something to just laugh off. I hope they nail the ass of whoever is doing it. I fully expect them to be a Bush appointee.

DustBowlBlues May 20, 2011 at 2:30 pm

" I fully expect them to be a Bush appointee."

Don't we all, Gopherit.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 20, 2011 at 2:05 pm

The one great thing about leaked CIA Memos is that they tend to be soaked in the best blotter acid so that they mess with the Press' minds. Why do you think reporters are the way they are?

Schmannnity May 20, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Dunno, but where can I get some credentials?

ChapterUndVerse May 24, 2011 at 10:07 am

I think VistaPrint can set you up.

donner_froh May 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Good luck, Leon. Half the people in your agency have Julian Assange on speed-dial.

Sharkey May 20, 2011 at 2:13 pm

"Anyone found to be non-compliant will be reported to the Department of Redundancy Department."

Amo_of_Bogio May 20, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Aka the DoRD department…

mavenmaven May 20, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Is this why the Republicans always hired so many "plumbers"?

Hatrabbit May 20, 2011 at 3:24 pm

No more comments on this story, please.

Callyson May 20, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Downfisting troll is just jealous that it did not get the memo leaked to it.
(I refer to the troll as "it" not just because I don't know the troll's gender, but also because the troll acts like a machine: hence, "it" it is…)

pinkocommi May 20, 2011 at 3:55 pm

If a CIA agent leaks information and gets caught, they deserve to be fired simply for not being a very good CIA agent. Sneaky stuff is what they're supposed to do, right?

user-of-owls May 20, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Careful, Panetta. You know what happened to the last Leon who got sideways of the powerful down Mexico way.

BZ1 May 20, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Memo to Panetta, nothing stops leaks, drips still get out… like…

mull_man May 20, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Well, doesn't that ████ like ██████████████████ bacon ████████████ and ████████ so the cocker spaniel ████████████████ Lindsey ████ ████████████ ointment.

You happy now Leon?

ArmoredBore May 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm

This kind of thing is proof against conspiracy theories. The same hyper-competent government that covered up Obama's foreign birth, the Moon Landing Hoax, and JFK Assassination Plot is the same government that lets leaks like this happen when it isn't watching New Orleans flood like it's a made-for-TV movie.

MinAgain May 20, 2011 at 5:51 pm

And then they all went back in time.

DaRooster May 20, 2011 at 7:36 pm


They landed in a helicopter, sneaked in and shot him in the eye.


NadePaulKuciGravMcKi May 20, 2011 at 8:25 pm

operation neoconservative unmask

ttommyunger May 21, 2011 at 5:11 am

Secrets come in, secrets go out, never a miscommunication, Leon. Who can explain it?

Biel_ze_Bubba May 21, 2011 at 7:06 am

It was released on a need-to-know basis – and Leon wants everybody to know that leaks are frowned upon.

That's why I did it. Really! That's the only reason!! AAAH! NOT AGAIN!!!?! *Glub glub cough hack glub glub…*

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