Are you psyched for the next seventeen months of presidential candidate news bytes? Remember, the first primary is still a summer and a fall and a winter away, and here’s the kind of thing you’re going to be seeing a lot, to fill the gaping news hole: “Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich briefly stopped a campaign event here to shut off his phone as his ringtone sounded ABBA’s ‘Dancing Queen.’” And then Newt briefly ran to the hospital to divorce everybody there being treated for cancer. And then he peed on somebody who quoted whatever he said last week. Campaign 2012, everybody!
The song is from the musical “Mamma Mia.” Gingrich said later that he is a big fan of the movie version, starring Meryl Streep, and that his wife, Callista, warned him that the ringtone was going to get him in trouble.
“It’s just fun,” Gingrich said.
And then he divorced Callista because she is not fun anymore because she got old and might someday get cancer.
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I would think he'd have "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something.
Perhaps with "Money, Money, Money" in a medley?
Or "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" what with the Rapture coming and all….
With Beyonce's Put a Ring on it.
yo imma let you finish but beyonce had the best ringtone of all time!
"Money For Nothing" – Dire Straits? Money for nothing and your chicks for free ….
I'd double fist you if I could. However, Tiffany's says his chicks weren't for free.
I think this is the one for Neuter –
"Living In The 2012 Fantasy " –
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04oBhagtUE8&fe...
My guess would have been Marilyn Monroe's classic "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend." But maybe the wife has that one on her phone.
Young and sweet, only seventeen!
What is "the next Mrs Gingrich", Alex?
At this stage for Newt I would think "SOS" would be more apropos.
And he wouldn't say what Calista's ringtone was – I'm thinking the Police, "Every Breath You Take".
Needs more glitter bombs.
Does that mean that Newt can be counted among the glitterati?
Did someone say 'Wish'?
Does depleted uranium glitter?
AFAF.
Does feces glitter?
Also, more soy bomb.
This guy's all glitter, tiaras, and enhanced interrogation.
Newt's headed for the gayest Waterloo ever.
I wonder if he calls Callista "Fernando" while she's earning her Tiffany's?
Rudy Giuliani after the Florida Primary in 2008 might have something to say about that.
Does Florida have a Waterloo? Maybe. I don't know. But I do know Iowa, the first
primarycaucus state does, & it also has gay marriage. (So far.)As John C. Reilly (as "Dean Ziegler") said in Cedar Rapids, "Score! Rugmunchers".
You know who else was a huge ABBA fan?
Olov the Scandinavian Warrior King?
If the question had been, "You know who else was young and sweet, and only seventeen?", then your answer would've been correct, sir.
Vladimir Putin?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/...
Loki?
My mom.
Mine too.
, although his claim to the title of History's Greatest Monster has been somewhat overtaken by other worthies.
Kim Jong Il.
The link works despite the bolloxed anchor text (for those who can't stand the suspense, it's Elvis Costello doing "Knowing Me, Knowing You")
The Gays?
Muriel?
Mildred Baena.
Biggest asshole boss I ever had. He also loved Ayn Rand.
Fred Flinstone?
Oh, ABBA, not YABBA.
Me, on New Year's Eve 2009, at karaoke at Cafe Hollander in Wauwatosa?
Well, it is a palindrome.
G. Gordon Liddy.
My money's on John Bolton.
Domonique Strauss Kahn?
OR
Arnold Schwartzenegger?
It seems Repugs are privately the worst gay stereotypes, and once in awhile a foot-tapping-airport-toilet-stall or ringtone incident gives us a glimpse into this private life…
Callista is at significant risk of developing mind cancer. Metastatic mind cancer.
She was a staffer for a GOP led House committee. She's beyond help.
"In retrospect," said a former Gingrich staffer, "maybe naming the campaign bus 'Priscilla, Queen of the Desert' wasn't sending the message we intended. Still, Newt looked pretty good riding on top of that big ol' shoe…"
Come on–the big news is that Track Palin just married long-term squeeze Britta Hanson. Let me be the first to ask: "What's her due date?"
All of'em, Katie?
Wale on the Palins all you want; at least this one is an Army Reservist and served in Iraq, I believe.
I thought that was to avoid jail term for vandalism and generally being stupid.
Yes, he vandalized buses at his school.
Doing the right thing for the wrong reasons is still doing the right thing. Not sure going to Iraq is “the right thing” but nobody does it for fun, except Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, etc.
Sorry, but I do not share your automatic respect for our penal legions.
The Wasilla Royal Wedding will take place at the Shoney's down on Jenkins Rd. The happy couple is registered at Wal-Mart.
What's SARAH's due date?
/corrected
May 20th
Rosemary (Palin's) Baby.
yowza. i would not like to officially tie the knot with that family.
In my day, ABBA was a rhyme scheme, not a Swedish pop group. And we LIKED it that way.
You won me, Sir Quatrain.
Can Newt Gingrich just die now, for freedom?
"Cold as Ice".
"Cold Hearted Snake" – Paula Abdul
I just copyrighted a new dance: The Gingrich Rollout!
You put your left foot in;
You take your left foot out;
You put your right foot in;
And we see that you're a lout.
Mr. Gingrich does not have a left foot.
You're right.
Does he have a left nut?
Do the Honkey-Ponkey?
Roly Poly by the Little Willies would be a more appropriate ring tone selection, for a number of reasons.
I've been cheated by you since I don't know when
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end
Look at me now, will I ever learn
I don't know how, but I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my soul
Haha, Newt listens to the lyrics and thinks of his ex-wives, whilst laughing hysterically.
Newt Gingrich IS a dancing queen.
Well, Newt has been phoning it in the whole time; for that matter, so has ABBA.
Newt, the song is not from the musical Mamma Mia, it's kind of the other way around, Mamma Mia is from ABBA's greatest hits. What's next, is he going to say Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody is from Wayne's World?
Or the classic "Ride of the Valkyries," from Apocalypse Now?
Or was it originally by Elmer Fudd? I forget.
Be vewy kwiet!
He's not worthy.
Next you'll tell us Elton John didn't write original songs for Gnomeo!
Tiny Dancer really made Almost Famous for me.
Sirs:
I should like to take this opportunity to reiterate that, while it is indeed classified as a "percussion" instrument, one would be hard pressed to actually "feel the beat of the tambourine," particularly on a crowded dance floor. Furthermore, a discotheque is actually quite unlikely to "play the rock music," being far more likely to feature the eponymous "disco" style of popular music.
Yours in Lyrical Accuracy,
Cmdr. Snot W Goatlips III
Well we could be pounding it on Newt's head, but he might not feel that beat. How about if we Tambourine-manned his dick? Would that be a beat he could feel?
Ow my balls! *jingle*
Win!
(Newt almost married a Goatlips.)
I think Newt has been tasting the rainbow, if you know what I mean.
Whatever you do, do not google for images of Bunny De La Cruz.
Any news item that quotes my ringtone is a falsification.
"Dancing Queen" was the song that was playing on the American Legion post jukebox when John McCain first met Cindy, for reals (the American Legion setting might or might not be my embellishment but the rest is true). This plus the obvious resemblance between the two trophy wives is starting to give the story a "Talented Mr. Ripley" feel.
Also, that throw-up in your mouth feel. Too.
Coincidentally, Larry Craig has Dancing Queen as his ringtone.
Huh, I'd always seen him more as a George Michael fan.
Larry Craig loves George Michael's latest release…
…which he found on the wall of the bathroom stall.
When he's feeling like a hot potato.
Guilty feet have got no rhythm.
"Tap like nobodys watching….."
No, more like Tony Orlando & Dawn's "Knock Three Times."
Of course. "Dancing Queen" is a real toe-tapper.
Newt Gingrich for President? You know who else fills me with the need to defecate?
Mr. Hanky?
Enema Bovary?
You're a teaser, you turn 'em on
Leave 'em in chemo and then you're goooooooooooooooone
Wow. Even Trump's fake campaign was more viable.
Trump set a pretty low bar for campaign viability. Now watch all the tea freaks struggle to climb over it.
What the f**k would these rednecks be saying if Obamar had a gay anthem as a ringtone? Oh yeah, they are already saying that about Obamar anyway.
Also hobo professional development tip: novelty ringtones not very business-like. If you want voters to think of you as the right person for when the red phone rings at 3am, it's best if that mental image isn't accompanied by "Dancing Queen", or "C'mon Feel The Noize" or "Did It All For the Nookie".
Yes, a real Republican contender would have Hail to the Chief.
I'm worried that the Republican strategy is to parade a long string of ridiculous candidates in front of us and while the Dems are busy laughing, suddenly pull a halfway reasonable centrist out of nowhere, just before the election.
Only problem with that plan: no such animal.
As long as they insist on letting their base vote in primaries, not a likely outcome.
All good points, but you have to admit it would be a brilliant plan. Maybe not brilliant, but hilarious. Imagine this mystery candidate is cryogenically unfrozen to announce a deficit-busting package of targeted spending cuts and moderate tax increases, thus preserving medicaid and social security forever, and all the Republicans suddenly got behind it. Bam! You been served, sucker!
If the Rapture happens tomorrow, then I will worry about this scenario.
It's a trap!
I'm afraid our primary candidate will be quite operational when your friends arrive..
WIN
schwarzenegger?
though i have been seriously wondering this very same thing. getting all the freaks out of the way before fall and let the dems get complacent.
Mitten's wet-dream.
But while he's dreaming Huntsman (Romney 2.0) is eating his lunch.
Buddy Roemer is their dark horse.
Knowing me and knowing Newt… Ah-Ahhhh.
The Winner Takes It All.
We just have to face it: this time, we're through….
I knew he was going through women looking for the right man
I knew he was going through women looking for the right man.
Not only do I disagree with Newt on just about every major policy issue, I also think that the Mama Mia movie sucked ass. Once again, we could not be further apart.
WRONG !!!!!!!!!! Meryl Streep ROCKED !!!!!!!! Blasphemer !!!!!!!!!!
In other news, Republicans and Democrats in Congress have finally been able to reach across the aisle and find an issue they can agree on: extending the USA PATRIOT Act. Cavity searches for everyone!
All right, now Retro Day really has gone too far.
We need less reach across, more reach around. Although, with Congress, it's pretty much the same thing.
The War Powers Act dies tomorrow, also, too!
All hail Obama Imperator!
No matter who's in the White House come 2013, this country is doomed.
Guess who has Martha Raye's Tangerine as his ringtone?
He's eyeing Amanda Seyfried as a potential next wife when this one gets ill.
The eyes have it.
Newt will have to get thru noted philanderer Ryan Phillippe to be the one to steal away with Seyfried.
Well, since she's already dead before the show begins, and in fact the mystery of who killed her is the primary arc of the first season, she would be the type of wife Newt wants.
Newt, a much more appropriate ringtone would be the Mary Chappin Carpenter song "Sometimes You're The Windshield, Sometimes You're The Bug." I think we all know which category you fall into.
I wish this meant that Retro Day is over, but apparently Newt Gingrich is in the news.
Throw some glitter on a guy and next you know he's an ABBA fan. Perhaps teh gheys aren't born that way after all.
teh gay agenda claims yet another victim?
Abba.
Christ. On. Toast.
Did somebody else say 'Wish'?
When I was a kid I used to like pornography made by the company "Color Climax" because it gave me a sense of what it would be like to have group sex with the members of ABBA. I bet Newt thinks about that too.
Many upfists for underage porn consumption. Way, way back in the day, construction sites were a reliable trove.
It's made me who I am today!
The Newt identifies with "Dancing Queen" (waaay too easy….)
There may not be enough weed and peyote in the world to get me through 17 more months of this bullshit.
If Newt were in ABBA, which one would he be?
Flabby Spice?
Name change: FLABBA
is there a dead one?
Trick question!
If Newt were in ABBA he would have to be either an A or a B.
Both the guys dumped their wives – who were the two women originally in the group – for younger women, so he could be either of them.
Gingrich is listening to Socialist Swedish music? About Queens? Dancing? My God, what did that glitter do to him?
Has he no shame?
That last one was not a rhetorical question.
What a cute blonde beard you have there, Newton! Been antiquing with any "friends" lately?
Just Dorothy, why?
Seriously? Not "Money, Money, Money"? Not "Take a Chance on Me"?
Callista, i'd be looking for tumors and male aides who spend too much time with Newt. Just saying.
"Waterloo" will be the next ringtone, natch.
“It’s just fun.”
Larry Craig said the same thing about gloryholes.
Well hello, doesn't everyone?
Sorry Newt–no one is going to take a chance on you.
I'm surprised the ringtone wasn't Dylan's "[Hell is] My Wife's Home Town."
And for the last 3 years he's used 'Eye of the Tiger' as an entrance song to conservative blow-outs. iTunes list or GTFO.
Under a shower of glitter, to the tune of Dancing Queen…
Ladies and Gentlemen, Tony Clifton!
I KNEW it!!
Hate to be a stickler, Newt, but Dancing Queen is not from Momma Mia, it's from ABBA's 1976 album, Arrival. The play came decades later. Get your facts straight or no one will ever take you seriously.
I think the most appropriate reference is from the closing credits to the film "Dick"
He probably just prefers the version from "Mamma Mia," which quite frankly just makes me hate him even more.
We'll have to raise the debt limit, for sure, when ABBA is booked to play Inaugural 2013. They've already said a billion isn't enough (when offered by a Japanese (of course) mogul). It's gonna take a lot, then. I mean, a lot. Defense Dept. level largesse.
Mitt's just hanging in there like a bad haircut.
Herman Cain is like five day old Godfather's "pizza."
Santorum is santorum.
T-Paw bored even himself into oblivion.
Trump went bust.
Newt lasted, what, two weeks?
And ♪ ♫ we've only just begun ♪ ♫
And Mitch Daniels looks like Calvin Coolidge.
You can't spell Black sABBAth without ABBA.
What I'm saying is that Newt could actually BE a real Witch's newt!
A Lizard Person of a squirmishier sort.
The Black Abba is just another name for the Jackson 5, anyway.
You can spin, you can lie, having the run of your life
See that boy, hear that Toot, dig at the dancing Newt
Friday night stuck with Callista's bills
Running cause of a wife who shops
Where she buys the big stones, fat ass in a sling
You come in to look to be King
Anybody could be that guy
Race is young and it's cancer free
With a big stumble everything's a fail
You’re in the race and a farce
Just when you get the chance…
You are the dancing Newt, old and fat, so pathetic
Dancing Newt, covered in glitter from mad Gheys
See that boy, hear that Toot, dig at the dancing Newt
This doddering old fool is turning into Michael Scott before our eyes. He is just so incredibly oblivious to how much people, Republican and Democrat, loathe him with an unholy passion.
It's almost kind of sad to see someone so on top of the world at one time (for about a full second) to fall so far. Almost.
Started on that flight back from Israel.
It's been a fifteen year free-fall.
This guy is a douche bag. He's carrying a line of credit at Tiffanys? You are kidding, right?
It takes a lot of tacky jewelry to convince your new lady you're not gonna divorce her in the cancer ward like the last nine wives.
Could have fooled me. I'd take him as being the sort of fella' partial to something by Queens of the Stoneage.
I'd be heartened to hear, though, that his wife's favorite song was "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks…
BeeGees or GTFO.
Dancing Queen? Needs moar glitter.
Is there more glitter than Dancing Queen? Just asking.
That is a very good question and I'm glad you asked that – studies show that big queens who have ABBA ring tones are substantially deficient in GQ (Glitter Quotient) in direct correlation to how troll-like and spurious they come across to the majority of sane-thinking adults in the USA America population.
I would have been so much more impressed if it had been "Muskrat Love" by the Captain and Tennille.
well i for one thoroughly enjoy abba and i love pulling up an abba playlist as it will inevitably offend my arty, intellectual, serious music friends and then we can have a real party.
now because of newt i can't do that anymore.
once again, republicans = we can't have nice things.
Do they ever come back?
My my
At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender
Oh yeah
And Newt has met his destiny in quite a similar way
The history book on the shelf
Is always repeating itself
Don't know much about History…
And then he divorced Callista because she is not fun anymore because she got old and might someday get cancer.
Wouldn't it be easier to just remove her hydrogen fuel-cell and store her in the basement?
Domonique Strauss Kahn? or
Arnold Schwartzenegger?
I may be totally wrong, but it should be Dancing Fool.
"You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life" –
Rejected Gingrich campaign slogan
I would have guessed Tom Lehrer "When You Are Old And Gray" myself.
What a damn horrible and hackneyed throwback to an abused and torturous decade.
But, enough about Newt. That ABBA song blows.
He can dance and jive, but, lately, he ain't been having the time of his life.
Hmm. I appear to have a zero rating here. Perhaps this is the magic downfister so many have spoken of. I feel so proud…it's like being on Nixon's enemies list.
That is SO gay.
"Newt Gingrich Has ‘Dancing Queen’ As Ringtone…" A better choice would be "The Impossible Dream" fer sure; and the Newtster peeing on people? Not likely, who's going to sit still while Newtie squats over them? Oh right, Larry Craig.
I think the revolving charge accounts come later.
They're free until they get cancer, then they have to pay their own medical expenses as per free market principles.
Love the term Penal Legions! The respect isn’t automatic by any means; when you know some of them or have been a Legionnaire yourself, you see that it’s earned. Not by every single member, to be sure, but they don’t call it “being in the service” because it’s fun. And when they’re ill-used (which perhaps they mostly have been for the past yumpty-dump years), it’s not their fault.
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