Considering this is Retro Day, and Wikipedia says some word vomit called a “Washingtonienne” is what Wonkette is “known for,” we should probably let you know what is going on in the life of this sex-haver! Google says she had what appears to be a teevee pilot in 2009, featuring such fun characters as “Politician,” “Bike Messenger,” and “Ben’s Chili Bowl Patron” (“the show’s black character”). Seems like maybe they accidentally gave Jessica Cutler money back when she was sort of a thing and were forced to make this show?
There is “one left in stock” of her book on Amazon. It’s also available “used” (like the author!) in either hardback or paperback for $0.01. It is available in “unknown binding” for $3.65. There are a few “recent reviews” (from 2008). On the cover is some human flesh, a bit of metal, and some fabric.
On this new Facebook invention, a whole 44 people “like” her.
She quickly got married in 2008 to some dope lawyer, it would appear, and managed to get a tiny bit of attention out of it. She was “not pregnant,” she declared, as if she had tried (in vain) to spread a rumor that she was but absolutely nobody cared.
That’s the most recent stuff a cursory search turns up, so this person may very well be dead, or living with Ana Marie Cox in a condo in whatever the 2004 version of Anacostia is (Georgetown?), assfucking.
Washingtonienne [IMDB]
Washingtonienne [Amazon]
Jessica Cutler [Facebook]
The D.C. Sex Blogger on How She Went From Slut to Housewife [Daily Beast]
{ 132 comments }
It was the IMAGE that broke my AOL 3.0? or the image of boobs? Either way, I wondered.
I for one would definitely read "Boobs: A Novel".
Meghan McCain is taking notes as we type.
That would be more like "Boobs: An Atlas." Multi-volume, of course.
Boobs Shrugged is a new biography of Anna Nicole Smith.
http://declubz.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/0…
I think we know what the cover photo will be.
A graphic novel, preferably.
I'd rather watch "Ow! My Balls! The Movie" Frankly I'd rather star in that movie than read this book.
"Living with Ana Marie Cox, assfucking"
This is the last time we let you watch "Requiem for a Dream" before bed, Jack.
http://www.calicocat.com/images/jess_ana_01.jpg
Here's "retro" for you: decades ago, after the Saturday Night Massacre when Nixon fired Ruckelshaus, Richardson, and Cox, my employer took great offense at the bumper sticker on my car: "Impeach The Cox Shucker."
These events became notorious thanks to the greatest political expose in history, "Wheres The Birf Certificat?"
Boobs. The republican presidential candidate adultery directory.
Jessica, you ignorant slut.
Pretty good Mom.
I just read that Daily Beast article. Jessica seems like the kind of gal I'd rather stab myself in the neck with a pen than get stuck in an elevator with her. Good lord!
You would be wrong. I know Jessica; she's actually a very nice person whose accidentally public blog launched this website's popularity. She just happens to have lady parts and enjoy the use of them.
You may thank her at your leisure.
Wow. Just think of all the experience she brings to THAT marriage.
Worst misspelling of "pubic lice" I've ever seen.
Keyboard. Meet green tea.
"Nah, bro, my lady's totally cool. She doesn't really care where I put it…"
More than all my previous girlfriends put together, I bet.
Jack, if you're going to delve into the annals of anal, you need to use the "ass fucking" tag.
I seem to recall that this was a rather hopeless attempt to make DC seem 'sexy.'
See also: Real World, The on MTV.
Newt, this is number four. She will get you back in the driver's seat. Trust me.
And you'll get her in the back seat. Back door, too, probably, also.
Tee-Hee
"Boobs"
You mean Megs McCain didn't write Boobs, a novel? Because she should.
It would be composed entirely of tweets and photos she took of herself in the mirror.
With other books obscuring, in part, the titular subject.
META.
Truly, the seminal wok of our time.
Mega is much more philosophical. I think it was "Atlas' Jugs"
I'd bury my face in it.
Oh, and Jack, please make sure you cover the "DC Slut Walk' because that looks absolutely appalling.
What ever happened to the chief of staff guy who was the -er as opposed to the -ee in this whole thing.
Aww, someone's feeling nostalgic/sentimental!
It's hard to get pregnant through anal sex and spanking.
And blogging..
Viva Italia!
That’s the most recent stuff a cursory search turns up, so this person may very well be dead, or living with Ana Marie Cox in a condo in whatever the 2004 version of Anacostia is (Georgetown?), assfucking.
Maybe Ana Marie Cox will blog about it on her new site, Peggette.
Pegger. They can use a headshot of Katy Segal for the logo.
Or Peggy Hill (King of the Hill wife).
Have you ever noticed that Sarah Palin looks just like Peggy Hill? Down to the giant feet.
I'd have ridden her in her time. Like Secretariat. But I understand she had a lot of jockeys…
A la Bristol. But Jessie probably didn't do as much meth as the Wonder from Wasilla.
Fucking slacker.
Why just last week I saw Nina Totenberg walking unsteadily on heels through the Sangamore Rd Safeway parking lot. Hollywood's got nothin' on us!
You are so lucky, I only know what her voice looks like.
I always pictured her as maybe like Helen Thomas, minus 30 years.
(google image)
Hey, I was pretty close.
I don't want to end the magic.
And nothing about us commenters! What are we, chopped liver?
Oh yeah, I guess we are.
Pickled liver, actually, most of us.
DC ZOMBIE INVASION.
Jessica Cutler is hot but a bit dainty like balsa wood for my taste.
Yeah. I, for one, hate the taste of balsa wood.
Balsa wood and models seem to have a correlation.
Generally have the same IQ.
Hmmm, considering the HUGE gayface on Cutler's hubby, I'd wager he married her so he could get his own fair share of man-action.
Of course she wasn't pregnant, you can't get pregnant from ASS-FUCKING!
Is that what guys call it now?
You probably mean "two bit", meaning 25 cents. Though, since we're taking about hoes, maybe you do mean "too-bit", meaning too much teeth on the vagina. It's a mystery!
I believe that since the Daily Beast article that she has given birth at least once. The mother/daughter sex talks should be interesting. "Any man who fucks you in the ass without getting you drunk does not love you" is a tidbit she could resurrect.
I'm filing that tidbit away for future use.
You wouldn't want her to lie to her own daughter, would you?
Don't forget the "make sure to get the cash before you fuck him" talk.
Am I the only one who doesn't understand any of this?
No, me no likey Retro Day. :-(
You know how there is the part of the family dinner where all the old people talk about other old people who died? It's like that. It's not a conversation you can keep up long, though.
I found out about Wonkette from Eric Alterman's MSNBC blog linking to the Jessica Cutler posts.
Now, Ana Marie's somewhere, Eric's at David Brock's Continued Hucksterism &/or Repentence Tour, & Jessica did the first worthwhile thing in her life: realizing she's washed up & needs to get what she can. (Though, she always did seem to be about that.)
The more things change…
After JC was fired she reported went to a bar, confessed to the bartender that she was fired for writing a sexually explicit blog and the bartender asked "What's a blog?" That part has probably changed.
The tags are your friends: http://wonkette.com/tag/washingtonienne
I'm only slightly less confused.
I understood the whole "Boobs" thing, but only in a "Girl please, you need to cover that shit up with a muu-muu" kind of way.
Looks like she did. Nice wedding gown.
http://www.tdbimg.com/files/2008/12/10/img-bs-top…
Well you see, when a man and a woman love each other very much, sometimes they will sneak away from their spouses and meet secretly and get drunk, so that they won't feel as awkward when they then stumble out of the bar and go check into a cheap motel and get naked and do the ass-fucking together to show their love and mutual respect and devotion to each other.
Is that why daddy sometimes walks funny?
As a public service, Wonkette starts here: http://wonkette.com/page/1944
Interestingly, back in the first month of publication, Wonkette was presciently referring to Schwarzenegger sex acts.
Too bad comments are disabled on ye olde ancient postes, I was hoping to go back and become the first commenter in the history of teh Wonkettes. (Until the next re-design, anyway)
And AMC is just named Wonkette now, it appears.
& possibly, a Scientologist. Caught this on her Wiki entry:
"In 2009 on an Amtrak train from New York to Washington Cox had a severe allergic reaction after eating a lentil salad. Fox News host Greta Van Susteren saw her choking and came to her aid with Benadryl, after which Cox recovered. Cox later personally thanked Greta for saving her life".
Pretty sure saving another's life makes that person an easy mark for Dianetics.
Actually, if I remember correctly, AMC always used the username Wonkette.
Wonkette was nothing before Jessica Cutler. She made this beast.
Quit making me feel old. Sheesh.
When the Post magazine did a big article on her, I wrote to the Post about how they glamorized being a whore. Actually it was a 4 paragraph letter and the Post published a heavily edited one paragraph. It is the only time the Post published my letter(mostly I tell various Post staff/editors that they are whores- non sexually, of course)
Jack, since we're going retro, can we get lobbyist gossip, cartoon violence and perhaps a wide stance or two? Can we relive the wonders of Cocktober and Blovember (Cosplay May)? Can't we all just hook up?
Ooh! Is Amy coming back to spam us with the Millennium Development Goals?
END POVERTY BY 2015!
The millennium has arrived, and nobody even noticed. Obviously, the two of them did work out how to make babies, and pretty quickly at that. Congrats to all, and my sympathies to Jessica-Louise.
Hope they're saving up for the therapy she's going to need!
So someone in DC known for inane and mostly harmless antics has come back from obscurity. Obviously she's running for the GOP nomination.
"Jessica Cutler, the former Hill aide behind the explosive “Washingtonienne” sex blog, explains why she gave up the louche life to settle down and get married." Isn't that spelled "douche"?
While on topic, what's Michele Malkin up to nowadays?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDu9gbuKpKc
So far, no one's being shit on by professionals, so it's obviously not THAT retro. Also.
There's a difference between sluts and whores.
Yeah, you'd have to go to K street to find 'em.
Does Cox have the common decency to get Cutler drunk first?
Yes!
http://www.calicocat.com/images/jess_ana_01.jpg
And thus is fulfilled the annual buttsex article as stipulated in the terms of understanding between Ana Marie Cox and Gawker, subsequently transferred to Ken Layne. Huzzah, huzzah!
I miss the AMC regime. Nothing wrong with titilating the straight boys with talk of sex, boobs, and ass-fucking.
Re: Washingtonienne: Why so judgemental on a girl just getting by in DC and writing it all down, in a most entertaining style? (Which, BTW, made Wonkette what it is: a blog that is read.)
needs less fabric, mor sweater puppies on a horse.
The Capitol necklace was sold at Tiffany's for $500k.
Is it on Newty-toot's revolving charge?
It makes me a little sad and nostalgic to see wonkette forget it's roots. We've forgotten Ana Marie? The first emergence of the Paultards? Dracula Cunt? Katherine "Tits McGee" Harris? I feel so old.
I, for one, will never forget Ana Marie. She lives on in my fantasies daily.
Truth.
word
How about, "I'd hit that new Alaska governor!"
Then she started talking.
That photo made me hungry for some reason. I think I will pop off to the deli for a nice Rubens sandwich.
A nice Rubenesque sandwich.
Liveblog Obama Speech: Hahahaha! Obama said Hillary Clinton will "go down"–Who writes this stuff?
Downfister hates retro day.
It doesn't compare to Victoria-Jackson-shows-her-heavy-hangers-day; some of them even get semi-hard (damn you diabettus!!) .
Contrition is the least sexy thing. Also, I like drunks.
Marriage material!
Nowhere do any of the links mention whether she still likes to earn money on the side the way she used to. Is she still available to love me long time in exchange for some "roses?" What name does she use on Craigslist?
wasn't it actually $450 for "lunch"?
Don't forget Late Night Shots, Jack!
Will we have a new Condi Watch too?
More Pregnancy Scares!
Ana Marie Cox…sigh
If she's over 6' tall, that's definitely an Amazon review.
That 'unknown binding' better be laminated…
Kinda nice in a pink
sacksock gonna give my hubby anal way.Fixed.
I wonder what her LinkedIn page looks like, "Jessica Cutler – Former Political Vagina"
The stupidity, not so much.
After reading all that, I need some antibiotics.
Girls, girls, girls…"poop out a baby" is just an expression, so if you're trying to start a family via buttsechs, u r doin it rong.
Didn't someone say that lizards do it that way or nearby?
In lizards, one chute handles all. It's what separates Man from the lizards.
"DC Slut Walk" = New name for Gucci Gulch.
That's when she met her husband!
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