• Wonkette editor Jack Stuef decides to make this Retro Day, celebrating the rich, vile history of the crass political blog. [Wonkette]
• Rail-thin recumbent biking hippie kid Dick Cheney has decided to go with his “before pic” for his memoir cover. Liz Cheney says he will try to kill and torture people with his words. [AP]
• Former Cheney aide Mary Matalin more or less confirms it will violate the Geneva Conventions. [Politico]
• Denial still the best way to run a War on Terror. [The Hill]
• The cranky ol’ U.S. Economy takes another swipe at the youngs. Coffee-shop jobs to now list Ph.D. as requirement? [NYT]
• The Secret Service is getting catty with Fox News on a proprietary micro-weblogging service! [Gawker]
DAILY BRIEFING DEPT. 10:24 am May 19, 2011
The Heart Bleats On
Hola wonkerados.
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{ 139 comments }
Jack's got a hangover hahaha.
It's retro Wonkette day? Buttsex! Butterstick the baby panda!
Poor Butterstick is a surly teenaged panda now, stuck at the panda factory farming operation in China. :(
Making ties for Donald Trump.
Begging your pardon, but in The Good Old Wonkette Days it was unashamedly called "assfucking." AMC was tuning up her linguistic chops for her stint at Time.
Ass-fucking yesterday, ass-fucking now, ass-fucking forever!
Hey, there is a new vacancy at the IMF.
& that didn't last long.
Joe Klein will not be denied. He will always be the in-house bugger at TIME/"Swampland".
Bring back Nadine!
She and her ilk are too busy keeping the Tea Party alive.
Nadine's too out-there to be constrained by the racism of the Tea Party.
So its come to this – nostalgia for the good ol days.
Yes, I remember it well. I was too afraid to jump in for the longest time. It was not for the faint-hearted. And there was a Bush presidency generating much fodder for the Wonkette which finally brought me in.
Now, all we need is an Oldies station playing Wonkette's greatest hits.
Remember the hilarious "homofacist," and the way gross "flying chainsaw?" I think they left in a snit with "Anonymous Lobbyist." but I miss them. (Among others.)
God, waiting 'till 10:30 for Wonkette's first post is like… er… waiting 'till 10:30 for my first cup of coffee..NOT COOL! (WONKETTE: It's like Coffee for the Mind/Soul)
That said, I thought an ABD was a requirement to work at a coffe shop, with and actual Phd being a disqualifier.
(ABD fo' LIFE, baby! Yeah!)
Are you secretly my son-in-law??? His damn dissertation is taking FOREVER. I am convinced that he fully intends to be "ABD fo' life!!!"
Drives me crazy.
Cool. I never knew I was qualified to be a barista!
Retro day at Wonkette. I still hazard only a faint recollection how the old layout used to look. Something to do with a pale pink backdrop, and scrolling up and down the screen to determine which upthread comment someone downthread was replying to.
So Jack, now ya got me thinking I should change my username to "Mumbleatpeg." What do y'all think? (Where do bad portmanteaus go when they die?)
yeah, but no downfisting.
I do a lot less scrolling now that replies appear in random locations on whichever page of the thread I happen to be looking at. Very time efficient.
Needz moar buttsechs with trucknutz.
Liz Cheney said of her father: “He’s feeling good and he’s getting ready for the first fishing trip of the season."
I'm sure he won't be fishing for shark, due to professional courtesy.
Try not to shoot any fellow fishermen in the face, DICK!
He does not use a gun when fishing. He simple poisons the entire stream and then paddles around picking up the fish in a net.
He made sure that was EPA-approved.
He's the one who coined the term "like shooting fish in a Cracker Barrel" he just sits there and eats his hash brown casserole and kills anything he feels like killing, water boarding, or maiming. He is the epitome of evil. His daughter, Liz is just "Evil Jr"
And he demands everyone he shoots apologize for getting in the way of his bullets.
Liz C as Mini-Me. I like the image.
I hope this hero of the Reich deals exhaustively (in his book) with the post 9-11 weeks he spent cowering in some hidden location.
That picture is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.
My fursona is celebrating "Retro Day".
Most excellent!
That's not funny. I was six blocks away when that happened.
This entire blog can be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any
meh. you are all in the tank.
Retro is the new Lazy.
The only way Cheney's book could be interesting to anyone outside of his syncophant circle is if he decided to talk smack….real smack…about GW Bush.
I wonder if ole' spotted Dick there is going to have a chapter on how deficits don't matter.
Fuck! You got me to click on a NYT article thus using up one of my 20 free articles a month. (Sorry, I can't pay the subscription fee as my Ph.D.only nets me enough to pay rent and buy cat food and toliet paper, the latter of which I need a lot of on account of the former).
If you click there from other webpages, it doesn't count. Also, once you've used up your 20 free and get the notice on your webpage, just click on "reader" in your menubar and it will convert the whole article to easy-readin' format–no block. (Using Safari on a Mac–don't know about other browsers' capabilities in that regard, but I'm sure there's something out there to do the same thing with Firefox.)
(Shh…don't tell NYT.)
Cat food? It's not bad with a litle catchup on it. For the runs, sprinkle a little immodium over it. You have to steal that from your local CVS.
In honor of Retro Day: needs more Mr. T Ate my Balls jokes.
If it's retro day, can you bring back the old cartoon Wonkette lady? Poor girl's been reduced to nothing but a pair of glasses and disembodied eyes for too long now.
Yeah, she was the epitome of the hot geek in her day.
I was in love with her, but you have since stolen my heart.
Speaking of love, if this is indeed going to be Retro Day, where is Alice, the SnorgTees Girl?
Awww…
Probably doesn't matter; any ad that appeared with with a cute girl caused dozens of men commenters to break off the hot story of the day with enthusiastic sexual fantasies.
Hey, do you think thats why they put pictures of cute girls in the ads? We may be on to something here.
Fit Guy! He was dreamy!
(And i don't care if he has the gay!)
There was a brief return of SnorgTees ads about a month back, but sadly without the original Snorg Girl; but they did have new chesty young women at least.
Like minds.
For that matter, which editor is going to turn into a woman for the day so that the site name actually makes sense?
Today, Wonkette will have two posts: a very Special non-Monday FLOTUS Watch, & a ramble from Sara Benincasa.
Seconded.
Or at least let us bask in the knowing gaze of Campell Brown once more.
DO WANT!
( /nerdgirl fetish)
Yeesh, seeing Cheney bolded three times in rapid succession just ruined my morning, mostly because the name wasn't on an indictment. Seeing Matalin is the turd on top.
Wonkette editor Jack Stuef decides to make this Retro Day, celebrating the rich, vile history of the crass political blog.
TRUCKNUTZ!
I thought you got raptured early, Jack.
~
FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!
…henngh?
to paraphrase Ziggy Stardust, "Fiiiive* yeeaars/ That's ALL we got / (until the rapture this weekend)" ♫♪
*-and-a-half
"…posted an unapproved and inappropriate tweet.
About Fox being… blathery… hardly inappropriate.
FOX news blathers? I think of it more as spewing bile. Either way, isn’t the secret service under enough strain by having a black president when a large group of racist idiots believe that the constitution allows them to legally shoot him?
Egged on by…Faux.
Wonder if anyone at Fox News might give thought as too why the Secret Service is checking them out?
I, for one, can't wait for GIANT CAMPBELL BROWN to return to our wonkette, which is the laughing stock of Twitter. Or so I hear.
Snorg boobies!
i always look before flushing too! ha ha! j/k lmfao rotfl etc. :)
Jeez, Riley's gone to the Democratic Republic of Rileystan, Ken didn't finish his sober-but-sounds-like-drunken rant until a few hours ago, and Trig-Reprimandee Jack has gone Old School on us, an hour late. What's happened to Our Wonket, which makes fun of everything?
And whatever happened to The Anonymous Lobbyist? That dude was hilarious.
On one hand, I know how tough the job market can be (even in Fattyland… um Harperville, er Canada City) as I have been downsized into it recently and in a way I feel bad for recent grads who don't have any experience (been there myself.)
On the other, having worked with some recent grads, this might be a good thing. I never thought my old man was right about ME till I started working with some of the Millenials. Not all of them are thoughtless entitled (especially entitled) douches as some of them are pretty smart, but there were enough of them to make me wonder. Maybe some harsh reality will wake those ones up.
There is a big difference between "smart" and intelligent though…
Just a sneaking suspicion, but could it be that the Secret Service tweet was in reference to this?
Palin isn't even trying anymore.
Yeah she's pretty much taped down her victimization button to the dashboard.
I can't believe this Gawker comment:
"OK, here's a different question: why is the Secret Service monitoring Fox News (or any news cast for that reason)? Isn't that something that, I don't know, the White House Communications Department shoujld be doing? Or is Fox news a physical threat to the president? Can the Secret Service spare people to do PR grunt work? "
Yes, Fox news is a physical threat to the President; duh. Also, when did most of the Gawker commenters turn so serious, self-righteous and humorless?
About the time I bitch-slapped Gawker and never looked back.
Yeah, those commentors take themselves WAY too seriously. They have a lot of right-ish yuppies (or whatever they're calling themselves these days) who think they are SOOO smart. It's bad when comments are more entertaining than the articles.
Considering the fact that Fox News has put every White-Nationalist, Tea Bagger, Birther, or any other Wing Nut that will go on the air and state that Obama must be stopped, I can't understand why the Secret Service would be monitoring them either.
Newt about Obama-"…follows the same destructive political model that destroyed the city of Detroit."
Political models did not destroy Detroit… unless of course you count the whole "ship jobs overseas, don't pay your taxes and take advantage of the poors" models that Reagan brought forth.
And "Broken Windows" policing. And white flight. And cuts to transit services. Obviously all caused by liberals.
Also, Detroit=Negroes in the secret language of the south.
Well, to be fair, Detroit is a Urban City.
-Steve King (R) Iowa
Very urban.
Man, Palin — not aging well. Imagine if she were actually Vice President, & having to hold a (sort of) real job. She'd look like Jessica Tandy (putrefied).
But, to be fair, Barack's looking haggard, sometimes.
Biden seems ageless, though.
Yep, who's doing all the thinking in THAT relationship?
Hey, that thinking thing is a BFD. BHO doesn't delegate the thinkies, unlike his predecessor, whose next thought will be his first.
I gleefully await the day Dick Cheney is buried so I can drive to the cemetery and piss on his grave.
The line will be longer than ten Disneylands and ten DMVs combined.
So is the Secret Service monitoring Fox to see how many times their 'journalists' threaten Barry? That must be the job for the agent who came late to the meeting and forgot to bring donuts.
Oh, and who is uglier Mary Matalin or James Carville? Discuss…
Matalin- inside
Carville-outside
I say Mary because of all the work that's been done on her. Carville comes by his creepiness naturally.
"I like french fried taters… with mustard."
Yes.
The reprehensible Lizard helped write her daddy's torture treatise. Hope she doesn't plan any overseas travel any time soon.
WTF?!
Makin' me do all this back and forth shit… I gotta yell at dumb shits and rip on morons… I don't have time for all that… I'm a Mother Fuckin' Smart-Ass!
(Plus I'm lazy also, too, so if you could bring more good shit here more often that would be great… thanks)
I'm rather looking forward to the debate about what picture to use on an obituary, and if that makes me wrong I don't wanna be right.
Old Wonkette had real common sense solutions and values, and commenters' p-nesses were not out for all and sundry to gawk at.
Nobody had a p-ness and we liked it!!11!
Thumbing and fisting, with an 'amen' thrown in. The latter because, old-school. And the former, despite the contradiction this gesture entails with regard to the sentiment you expressed.
Replying was a lot clunkier. I would have to post way down the line that wideromanstance said "Nobody had a p-ness and we liked it!!11!v" and then I'd point out that your p-ness seems pretty good, bigger than some, and so why are you bitching but even if I flamed you you might not see it so I would just close the comment box and sigh a bitter sigh.
Upfist for 'wideromanstance'!
Like many, I guess, I like the new p-ness-centric commenting in that it does quantify one's commenting value and no one could possibly say they don't take pride in their p-ness, but it also allows trolls to outsource, literally, their mischief. In dayf of olde, they would at least have to do something and if truly abusive, would get ban-hammered away for a while.
That said, Maddow's statement (paraphrasing here) about if it's wrong to love Wonkette as much as I do, I don't want to be right definitely holds true for me.
Oh FUCK – I chased the NYTimes link and used up the last of my "free" stories for the month.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!
Here you go, fella.
FreeNYT http://twitter.com/#!/freenyt/firehose
Thanks muchly. I just remembered the world is fucked on Saturday, so I don't feel as crappy now.
Ah, the great commentariat purges. Oh those were the good old days, where we cowered in fear of not being funny or fun or just plain boring.
Those were the days…
/in same tone older Russians have for the days of Stalin/
Those halcyon days when everyone posted the same comment twice because it took 5 minutes for the first comment to appear.
[drinks from bottle of soviet-era vodka, weeps]
She was an unfortunate looking woman. Which explains how she ended up a cause celebre/sometimes editor for Jezebel.
Remember when we were not allowed to attack Hillary for her looks? I miss those days, being reprimanded for calling Hillz Kankles McSwampsow.
Remember when your first comment after registering had to be approved and it had to be funny?
I was so proud!
Me too! I remember that mine had something to do with the male horse that Bush the Younger was "milking".
Thank goodness they've democratized the comment process. The people rule! Plus trolls…
There's a world of difference between the looks of Hillary — & not just as accounted by the difference in age — & The Anonymous Lobbyist. Nor is my suggestion about TAL a matter of me being an internet tough-guy, Comic Book Geek-looking guy. Online or off, I see someone looking like TAL, & knowing her (espoused) proclivities, I will not be amused. She was the Alderman's Daughter with a work ethic — which is a good thing, that industriousness — but I've had enough of that in my time on this Earth.
I heard somewhere that Napolean judged his generals on two scales, intelligence, and industriousness. There were the intelligent and industrious, they made great administrators, they handled supplies and logistics. There were the intelligent but lazy, these were his favorites, they were the best combat generals, who would do the most with the least. There was always work for the stupid and lazy. But the people he despised most and rooted out and removed, were the ones he thought the most dangerous of all, the dumb, but industrious; their idiocy combined with industry was capable of the most damage of all.
Douglas Haig, the Somme, and Passchendaele illustrate that last point.
Moe?
True story: I was flying out of Billings one day during the Cheney/Bush regíme and the whole airport was closed for two hours so Big Dick could land and go trout fishing.
You know Barbara Billings? "Gee Ward, don't you think you were pretty hard on the Beaver last night?"
Well, it was a flight attendant who lived in Billings, Montana (and commuted to SFO via the hateful UAL) not Barbara Billingsly, but the beaver took a pounding in any case.
"I speak jive."
Hey, you know what they say: see a broad to get dat booty yak 'em…
leg 'er down a smack 'em yak 'em!
For Retro Day, I am wearing a coon skin cap, parachute pants (with leggings), a Member's Only jacket, and a whole box of Depends.
Even the Scooterpeople/homeless cross the street when they see me. The only thing stupider is the gutterpecker that has moved to my street-it's a woodpecker that likes gutters. It makes a hell of a sound, does nothing worthwhile, and scares babies. It has been christened the Dickcheney Bird.
The Secret Service twitter account should just be @ anyone who makes negative comments towards the president or mentions counterfeiting with the hashtag #watchingu
Idaho is nice this time of year.
Italian Studies is an hell of a way to describe having a GoodFellas poster in your dorm all four years.
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain (really!!!)
I will be bitterly disappointed if Shooty McBloodlust the One-Man Slaughterhouse doesn't mention, and explain, the notorious incident of the Lurking in the Rose Garden Giving W the Hairy Eye Ball.
All this waiting around for Mourning in America has given me cankles and a low self of steam.
Does this mean we won't be live-blogging Obama's revolutionary (ha!) Middle-East speech?
For Retro Day we need a Washingtonienne "Where Are They Now" update. She's who put this blog on the map.
Called it. Thanks.
That's what brought me in.
Even funnier story: she met me in Denver so we could fly up to Billings together. We sat in 1st class and, in chatting w/her FA amigas she learned that I was the only paying passenger in the 1st class cabin. Every other passenger was a UAL employee, denying paying passengers upgrades for their own comfort and convenience. Ah, airlines: almost as evil as cable companies.
Speaking of retro, what ever happend to Elizabeth "Don't call me Liz" Becton? I remember a couple of good posts about her. And don't call me Liz.
A wonkette post that links itself? I clicked the link again after clicking the link then *BAM* a fucking wormhole. And now I'm in the 11th Dimension. Thanks Wonkett.
Mmmmmm, whore diamonds….
If it's so retro then why aren't there any eyeballs following my cursor around?
Fox News viewers?
Warb logging!
DOWN WITH WARBS!
Google "identity of the Snorg Tees girl" & it all comes back.
Seriously, it was four years ago — an eon, in internet years — but, still…
Ah, that is funny, taking and running with that ever so genteel and lady-like joke told by our sophisticated and cultured ex-first-lady. The good old days, before the President was Near, and all was right with the world.
Not to mention the valedictorian of my HS graduating class.
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