men's interest theories

WND: Esquire Taking Orders From White House To Destroy WND Book

DRUDGE SIRENS! Esquire steals Wonkette Drudge siren joke! DRUDGE SIRENS!This morning, Esquire‘s politics blog put up a fake joke post about WorldNetDaily’s Joseph Farah finally coming around and realizing he was wrong about President Obama’s birth certificate, and was pulling back the release of his hilarious fact-denying organization’s new book on the matter. The joke here is that it goes against the very biology of Farah to change his mind of the face of glaring facts that disprove the various conspiracy theories that are his business. But because the goal of the news media today is not to report news, but to be the first to aggregate somebody else’s work, a few media people didn’t really read it and reported this joke as fact. This is, of course, yet another plot by the White House to silence Farah, he says.


WND founder and CEO Joseph Farah confirmed he never spoke to Esquire. “Never uttered these words or anything remotely resembling them to anyone. It is a complete fabrication.”

Haha, yes, that was the point!

He said, “The book is selling briskly. I am 100 percent behind it. This has all the earmarkings of a White House dirty trick – but, of course, only the Nixon administration was capable of dirty tricks like that, according to our watchdog media.”

Yes, we never noticed how the media keeps re-reporting Watergate every year—trying to tell the public that Nixon is still president, tape recorders are huge devices, and if the story seems familiar, the readers are just idiots. But it all makes sense now! Just look at this very blog! Literally every single post is about what G. Gordon Liddy’s favorite iPad games say about him and details from H.R. Haldeman’s secret meetings with Justin Bieber.

But WND knows the truth! Famous magazine Esquire put some random Kenyan (probably a marathon-running rapist) into the office while the press kept up the ruse that Nixon still had the job.

“This is an astonishingly reckless report by a company that has demonstrated its total disregard for the truth,” said Farah. “I don’t know who Esquire’s anonymous sources are, but I can only guess that their address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.”

As a company that has itself demonstrated its total disregard for the truth time and again, WND knows when people are just doing it recklessly. AMATEURS! [WND]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef
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  1. Barb

    "probably a marathon-running rapist"
    So, you get violated in the bitch slap of a hummingbird? How quick is this guy?

        1. ganmerlad

          I actually thumbed you before I got it cause it was silly, and now that I did finally got it, I am laughing.

          Edit: [add] up.

    1. Numbat_Dundee

      Don't knoiw about that. But I studied his role with the White House Plumbers. I was a Farah Faucet Major.

      1. tessiee

        You should have elected a double major with the study of ancient Egyptian plumbing; then you could have been not only a Farah Faucet major, but also a Pharoah Faucet major.

  2. SystemError

    Farah continued: "…of course I'm still going to publish the book. Obama's still black."

      1. Negropolis

        Please. He'd be black to them if one only one of his great grandparents was black. That's something he won't ever have to prove to them.

  3. nounverb911

    "This has all the earmarkings of a White House dirty trick"
    Sounds like the last eight years of the Cheney administration.

  4. Beowoof

    The remarkable disassociation from facts for these people speaks volumes about the detrimental effects of high fructose corn syrup and deep frying oil on the populace in general and these tea baggers in particular.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Also, because they get no exercise on top of those scooters they ride everywhere, they don't oxygenate their blood and get it pumping to the brain which, obviously, has pretty much given up bothering.

    2. tessiee

      Isn't there an actual mental illness that encompasses the inability to change one's beliefs? When confronted with definitive proof (or disproof), these folks immediately revise their theories ("well, that just shows how clever the aliens/Muslins/whoever are at faking proof") to the point of absurdity.

  5. Trannysurprise

    Leave Farah alone! It's bad enough she had the balls to die on the same day MJ, but now this??!!1!!

    1. JustPixelz

      The Ph.D is supposedly from Harvard. George W. Bush got an MBA from Harvard. Those degrees aren't that hard to get though. They have Harvard diploma vending machines at Logan.

    2. DustBowlBlues

      Beck university, of course, is the place he got his vast knowledge of the history of everything: the public library, which is absolutely free!

  6. edgydrifter

    I don't know who took my parking spot this morning, and I don't know who didn't flush in the restroom, but logic tells me it must be that damned Kenyan usurper. He's got his long, dark fingers in everything.

      1. KeepFnThatChicken

        Hear, hear. I can no longer drink while perusing Wonkette after hours, for I only ruin monitors and keyboards with spittle.

        Stay classy, Edgy. You win the "Soiled Monitor and Keyboard Award" today.

    1. Gopherit

      I bow to you. you win the internetz for today. or am i just a puppet with long, dark fingers up my ass?

  7. JustPixelz

    He claims he never spoke to Esquire, but can he prove it.

    Let's consider the undisputed facts: Esquire is both a magazine and used to identify someone as an attorney. But he doesn't explain whether he didn't speak to a magazine or didn't speak to an attorney. Obviously if he didn't speak to one, then he must have actually spoken to the other. Finally, he mentions a fabrication. Those are facts!

  8. pinkocommi

    “I don’t know who Esquire’s anonymous sources are, but I can only guess that their address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.”

    It's sweet that he thinks Democrats are capable of organized action. Implausible, but sweet.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Nothing is better than hearing what nutjob rightwingers seem to think Democrats are capable of! It's seriously an ego boost like nothing else.

      1. tessiee

        No offense to you, Annie, but I for one am wholeheartedly sick of hearing what rich people think.

  9. KeepFnThatChicken

    I'm not impressed. You think you're selling a lot of your books now? Let me show you how impressed we are:

    1. Anyone can write something for the fiction section.

    2. Speaking of fiction, The Bible. Three sold every second. Beat that, pussy.

  10. #extemporanus

    “The book is selling briskly. I am 100 percent behind it."

    Farah's gonna be fuckin' bummed when Trump's check bounces.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      He should change the order of the procession and shove the book up his ass.

  11. SayItWithWookies

    There's absolutely nothing amiss with that — just ask cowboy George W. Bush, professor Newt Gingrich, or man of the people Donald Trump.

  12. James Michael Curley

    It is so ironic that Farah memes the Nixon White House since Corsi was Nixon's butt boy to rebut Kerry after the Senate testimony of Vietnam Veteran's Against the War.

  13. PuckStopsHere

    White House dirty trick, eh? Well Donald Segretti is out of jail. And while he may be dead, WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

  14. Fare la Volpe

    So not to totally derail this thread and all the hard work that went into it, but guess who officially graduated university studies last Friday? FARE LA FREAKING VOLPE, THAT'S WHO.

    I know it might be a little trite to say thanks to you guys, but I did graduate because of, and in spite of, you BAMFs. This was the one place on the internet I didn't feel like a freak for combining wittiness and santorum jokes, and for that I thank you.

    Just wanted to let you know. You may now return to Volpe snark:
    "Of course WND couldn't understand fake journalism: they still haven't figured out the real kind."

    1. emmelemm


      Despite the fact that yada yada you'll now be qualified to say, "Do you want fries with that?", in theory at least, university educations develop critical thinking skills, thus cutting down on the number of conservatives in the world. So, bravo!

    2. SorosBot

      Congratulations! Wish there was a still a job market for recent college grads out there for you.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Worst case scenario I pop on a blonde wig, tuck a few things back, and work that corner like nobody's business. The world's oldest profession is recession-proof.

        1. user-of-owls

          What, you too good for an apple cart and a 'Brother can you spare a dime?" sign? Start there and in no time you could be a 'penny-a-dance' floozy or even a bindlestiff! What kind of shitty-ass graduation speaker did you have anyway? We had the fucking Dalai mother-fucking Lama and he was all about the floozitude. Top 20 my arse.

    3. bagofmice

      Is it wrong to have read the quote as:
      "Of course WND couldn't understand fake journalism: they still haven't fingered out the real kind."

    4. samsuncle

      Good for you! Hope you find a job that will allow you to continue commenting on Wonkette.

    5. chicken_thief

      Damn, there for a panicky second I thought you might be my daughter! But she graGEEated the Friday before last Friday. Whew.

      At any rate – grad school! Even if you have to take a year off to take the GRE's, complete apps, recharge the batteries.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        That's actually what I'm doing. I've decided to work for a year or two before returning to get a Master's in either Psychology or Social Work. I've been in academics for 18 years straight, and my brain needs to relax. Luckily one of my friends just got his certified medical marijuana grower card, so it's gonna be a relaxing two years.

        1. user-of-owls

          In all seriousness, Fare-Gender-Mysterious, a year is fine. After that you start to smell like old fish (and not in a good way) to prospective programs. So from an old goat with a couple of decades of social science tenured sluttery under his elbow patches, don't loiter. Hitch up your G-string, slap on those bunny ears and get back into school.

          Speaking of which, "18 years straight" to get a BA? Did you take a four year sabbatical between first and fifth grade or are you actually a 70-year old who took 18 friggin' years to get a friggin' undergrad degree?

          1. Fare la Volpe

            No. I've been in school from age 5 to age 23, which is what I am now. Undergrad work only took 4 1/2 years (long story). Though 18 years undergrad would be mighty impressive.

          2. prommie

            You're a baby! I would never have known, such sarcastic cynicism takes most people so much longer to develop! Congratulations. Whatever you do, do not go to law school.

          3. Fare la Volpe

            That said, do you have any advice as to a job I could work at in the meantime? My plan was to try to find entry-level or clerical work at therapists' offices so I can at least show I have experience in the field once I get my Master's and go full-hog trying to become a psychologist/counselor. I interned at a counseling center last summer and it taught me a lot about what I want to do. Regrettably they don't pay, so I can't exactly do that again.

          4. user-of-owls

            Oofah, that's a tough one. Your strategy is a good one should you be able to pull it off. If not, perhaps try:
            1) Barge into the office of the people doing the work you most admire, tell them that you do so and then offer a week, two weeks, a month…however long your Ramen holds out…for free to show them your chops. They don't like said chops, they don't pay. But you have juicy chops. They will want what you can bring and if they don't, they aren't worthy of your fealty. Who needs a whole bowl of Ramen every day anyway. Lather, rinse, repeat.
            2) Seek pesos via taco stuffing, car washing, busking or grifting. Stay alive. Treat yourself to a full bowl of Ramen per day. Make sure to exercise, though, lest you gain weight. In the meantime, spend your waking hours carefully crafting an elaborate narrative that sends you to the most exotic, desperate, Mother Teresa-esque hellholes in pursuit of the most lofty milquetoast aims of public service and self-abnegation. Be sure to carefully choose hellholes that cannot be verified short of hired llama-train, tribal militia or ebola-laden missionary who only speaks Basque. Put this on your resume. Choose from among the windfall profits that duly horrified-impressed grad programs offer you in bounteous torrents.

            You think I'm kidding, don't you? Ok, then shoot for the first, which in all seriousness, kid, is not a bad strategy. I sat in my fluffy, hot gowns for 3 hours watching wee spuds like you prance across the stage last Saturday, wishing the very best for them in a rough world. I wish the same for you kiddo. Knock 'em dead Volpe, Fara la!

          5. PsycWench

            Good luck, Volpe! Owl was smarter than me on graduation day. The day before, one of the younger faculty brought in his Wii and "Just Dance 2" the day before during our reception for graduating seniors. I was in some serious pain the next day.

    6. flamingpdog

      Congratulations on your recent gradumacation from whatever institute of higher edumacation you matriculated at. Are you any relation to 61st and 63rd governor of Massachusetts and Richard Milhouse's Department of Transportation Secretary John Volpe? I have no idea why I'm asking.

    7. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Congrats! You know, the traditional way to celebrate is to have sex with a middle age lawyer. I hope you plan on upholding the tradition.

        1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

          That's what she said!

          Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week. Tip your waitresses, try the veal!

      1. WriteyWriterton

        Or late middle-aged lawyer. Very late. Perhaps actually "late," as in "deceased."

      2. Fare la Volpe

        I'd take you up on that, Lionel, but I fear you may be a bit disappointed by the real package, such as my bright red hair, or my translucent skin, or my penis.

        This is Wonkette, not a Republican Governors Ball.

        But, in the spirit of tradition, I've decided to give a handy to a 26-year-old paralegal. Same diff, right?

        1. fuflans

          lionel may be, but i likely speak for many cougars here when i say i would not be disappointed in that package at all.

        2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Fare, I am a very, very lonely man. Good luck with the job search. Just remember, slowly but surely, wonketeers are infiltration society. Soon, they will bound down to us and our desire for gin and the buttsex.

      3. prommie

        Multiple middle-aged lawyers, I believe is the true tradition, Lionel. Seriatum, however, and not in tandem.

    8. fuflans

      well congratulations and i am sorry we are leaving you and your generation such a crappy list of things to fix.

      on the plus side, i would have loved wonkette at your age.

    9. GOPCrusher

      Congratulations. Now get a job. My Social Security checks aren't going to cover themselves.

      1. glamourdammerung

        I was thinking along similar lines, but more like "now go work to support people that whine about the government while getting your money via the government".

    10. Nixon_So_Fine

      Great job, Fare la Volpe. On behalf of my fellow Wonketteers, we wish you and your fellow DeVry graduates a healthy and prosperous future.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Hey, I graduated from a Top 20. That qualifies me to work as Assistant Manager at the Arby's, thank you very much.

    11. [redacted]hse

      You wasted your valuable under-grad years visiting the Wonkette?
      I ate a lot of acid in college, same thing.

    12. Dudleydidwrong

      Congratulations! A big step forward. You'll soon discover that those 18 years of academia were pretty damn good years–as close to crawling back into the womb once you figure it out–and you'll head to grad school for another two–or four. By that time the Real Rapture will have gotten rid of the riff raff and things will be bright and beautiful.

    13. ThundercatHo

      Congrats FlaV. Now go out and see the world. Join the Peace Corps or just bum around on a Eurail pass (if they still have those). Oh, and Psych or SW, that's a sucker's game. Do you really want to spend your life listening to depressed people's problems that you will never be able to fix? At least at Wonkette no one expects to fix the problems of a whole fucking country and there is no such thing as inappropriate or unprofessional here.

    14. noodlesalad

      Congrats! You are now no longer qualified to create or join your local Tea Party Chaptur.

    15. DustBowlBlues

      Let me join the chorus of voices that, I assume, have congratulated you. (You think I'm going to actually read 50 replies? I'm happy you found solace and support in the wonkette mentoring program. Now, here's the question: are you going to give back to the people who did so much for you? Will the snark continue or will you abandon us for a newer, shinier political blog. To wit: Are you going to turn into cyber Newt?

  15. loulouroo

    He is frankly excited by this extra challenge in preaching to the true believers. Facts REEK of socialism, anyway!

    1. DustBowlBlues

      For a minute I was afraid you were going to cite "our" wonkette, the truth site. (homonym?)

      1. SorosBot

        Well then where's my paycheck, Mr. President?

        (And don't worry you used the write site, the homonym as you cited is cite.)

        (Oh and write was on porpoise.)

  16. Fare la Volpe

    Tweetie especially likes droppin' a wet one right on the author photo. That''s his favorite.

  17. seppdecker

    If he can only guess his tormentors are at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., then that is just another sign of his pathetically weak imagination.

  18. Pragmatist2

    Where is Joseph Farah's birth certificate????
    Looks to me like he crawled out from under a rock.

  19. Sue4466

    Corsi's next book: Gotcha Media: How Esquire installed a black Kenyan Muslin as President of the United States and tried to silence the courageous journalists at Wing Nut Daily.

    Prepare to be quoted Wonketters.

  20. widestanceroman

    Even Coulter has publicly slapped this freak down as a freak. What a vast ocean of denial he lives in to have the self-esteem to get up in the morning (well, that and the vast oceans of cash from the faithfully stupid).

    1. GOPCrusher

      Don't you usually have to pay extra for a tranny that will engage in the rough trade?

    2. tessiee

      "Even Coulter has publicly slapped this freak down as a freak."

      Coulter calling someone else a freak? Praise from Caesar.

      What next? Trump making fun of him for having stupid-looking hair? Newt making fun of him for being a big fat house who has sex with anything with a heartbeat?

      The mind boggles.

  21. Schmannnity

    Esquire is trying to discredit Joseph Farah by photoshopping a huge porn mustache onto his picture.

  22. prommie

    Neitzche said "madness is rare in individuals, but common in groups, political parties, societies, and nations." The conservative half of Amurrica has truly, literally, gone batshit barking howling shit your pants and run screaming naked up and down the street crazy.

    You know what other country went crazy like this, don't you. . . . .

        1. SorosBot

          Well he's got major mental issues and displays symptoms of paranoia, as do most of them.

    1. emmelemm

      I do enjoy the "shit your pants crazy" designation. It reminds me of a story:

      Long ago, I worked at the community hospital here (meaning, the place where people go who have nowhere else to go, as well as the place with the "locked psych ward"). I remember waiting at the bus stop to go home one day and there was a crazy homeless type person who apparently had just been released from the lockdown ward, talking to another crazy homeless person. He was going on and on about "Bitches, man, them nurses, they're bitches" and whining about his time on the ward. He said that he had shit in his bedpan, then taken the shit and smeared it all over the walls and the floor of his room, so "those bitches had to clean it up".

      What kind of creatures fling poo? Monkeys and crazy people who should be locked up.

    2. DashboardBuddha

      What was that planet that Kirk and Co. landed on and found a bunch of folks worshiping a dude named Landrew (spell?). Once a week/month/year they all went off their nut destroying things. That's what I'm thinking of.

  23. poorgradstudent

    I love how whenever there's a shitty, mindkilling book like this the author always puts a PhD next to their name, as if most people won't just assume they got their PhD from Full Sail or the University of Phoenix or a Geocities website.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      So true. I just had a quick look on amazon to see whether Paul Krugman puts "PhD and fucking NOBEL PRIZE WINNER, MOTHERFUCKER" after his name on his books. No prizes for guessing the answer to that one.

    2. PsycWench

      or it's an honorary Ph.D. for donating something or being well-known. Any school can give an honorary doctorate even if it's not qualified to give real ones.

    3. HuddledMass

      MIT traditions:

      > No big-deal sports teams
      > No honorary degrees, for anyone, ever

  24. Callyson

    The book is selling briskly.
    Well, of course it is. What better April Fool's Day 2012 gift than this book?

  25. WhatTheHeck

    How many weeks on the N.Y. Times Bestseller list?

    Well, Amazon Books has already discounted the hardcover price to $14.11.
    And if you like that, they recommend “Paranoia will destroy ya.”

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      What Do Customers Ultimately Buy After Viewing This Item?

      64% buy the item featured on this page

      14% buy "Hover-round Maintenance for Dummies"

      12% buy "Chainsawin' Trees: The George W Bush Fitness Plan"

      8% buy "The Constitution Coloring Book"

      in a "truth is stranger than snark" moment, this is a real one:

      2% buy
      The Life Plan: How Any Man Can Achieve Lasting Health, Great Sex, and a Stronger, Leaner Body by Jeffry S Life

      1. Extemporanus

        In fact, you could say that the 'stache stash was…

        *removes pants*

        …right under their very nose.


  26. Gopherit

    Incidentally, how did Corsi, et. al manage to misspell "Birf Sertifikut" on the cover?

  27. Zombie_Reagan

    Lost in all this is the fact that Farah, like most wingnuts, utterly cannot understand satire.

    1. tessiee

      That's because most of them are dumb and/or mean, and from my experience, dumb and/or mean people usually have absolutely no sense of humor.

  28. mavenmaven

    Trump's investigators still haven't released the "amazing things" they supposedly found.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      Spoiler alert: the "amazing things" were that some eejit with a bad combover would give them money to arse around in Hawai'i.

  29. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    He probably should talk to Jerry Falwell about how well that will go. I'm sure Corsi can get in contact with him.

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Since when has a little thing like that stopped Corsi from uncovering the real truth?

  30. Guppy06

    If that were the case, he might have made an earlier flight to No Extradition Land.

  31. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Can you actually sue someone in liable for saying you were not going to publish a book full of lies because it is a book full of lies?

  32. WriteyWriterton

    And never wiping out the microwave after making his lean cuisine lasagna, either!

  33. lochnessmonster

    Bieber is from Canada…if they are meeting with him what are they talking about?…how to become more socialist like Canadians those hosers?

      1. Fukui_sanYesOta

        If there's anything Joseph Farah likes, it's fisting. Constant, brutal fisting.

  34. sportshort

    Nixon's still President? Thank god. I got shitloads of pussy his last year in office. Or what I thought was his last year in office.

  35. donner_froh

    This is a new low – a malicious fabrication from top to bottom: WND Managing Editor David Kupelian

    That describes every word in every article in WND.

  36. Tundra Grifter

    "This book was released yesterday. Our author is in day two of a media tour. This report is playing havoc with a bestselling book –"

    That was quick. Faster than a Republican sexy time.

    1. glamourdammerung

      I am sure they bought a few thousand copies of their own book to give at as "presents" at right wing screechfests as is their custom.

  37. glamourdammerung

    The worst part is that if conservatives had any moral integrity in their "movement" at this point, they would be trying to distance themselves as far a way from scam artists like Corsi, Breitbart, Limbaugh, etc. as possible.

  38. iburl

    I, like the people at WND, tend to blame all mysterious things on that Lyin' African.

    Heisenberg uncertainty principle? Obamarr!!

  39. pdiddycornchips

    "the book is selling briskly"

    No doubt that's true. WND attracts a very specific yet highly coveted demographic.
    That is, people who are not too dumb to have a credit card and yet dumb enough to read WND on a regular basis. That there is threading the needle but once that needle is threaded, it's a veritable ATM machine for wingnut rabble rousers. I'm writing a book about how Obama used technology he and the Clintons got from the Chinese( in exchange for selling our nuclear secrets) to alter the weather and cause Hurricane Katrina thus assuring his election. I expect to be rolling in wingnut dough by summer time.

  40. Beowoof

    I associate the name Farah with shitty pants manufactured in the 60's and 70's, Based on this article the shittyness continues.

  41. keepem_sikanpor

    As Americans, we're completely insane to not DEMAND certain people be brought up on war crimes charges and held at Gitmo with the horrible terrorists. The bankers, also too. We really should be revolting. Not in the same way Farah is revolting, did you see his stache?

  42. glamourdammerung

    Well, Corsi was on Nixon's crew, telling everyone John Kerry was a liar and that there were no atrocities being done by American troops in Vietnam.

    Unfortunately Corsi is not clever enough to make a joke about referring to it as "me lie".

  43. flamingpdog

    It's like the cars used to be. Anymore, they comes out with a new version every year, and you has to go out and buy the new one to keep up with the Falwells.

  44. x111e7thst

    The butterfly in the Amazon rainforest waves it's wings and the White House advances another plot against WND. You can't argue with Science.

  45. [redacted]hse

    Farah: "There are plenty of ridiculously stupid oafs out there, and I want their money."

  46. Sassomatic

    I'll only believe what he says in that book if that is an honorary PhD, and not some elitist real PhD from an actual university.

  47. Sassomatic

    “I don’t know who Esquire’s anonymous sources are, but I can only guess that their address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.”

    Ha ha. Sasha's prank calling Esquire again.

  48. MadBrahms

    Funny that you bring up Liddy, since he and Farah are apparently BFFs. No wonder he sees watergate everywhere!

    Also, the complete inability of the right to recognize satire never ceases to astound me. Remember PajamasMedia and that awful, awful "under my bus" song? It's like they're all from the moon, and have no capacity for understanding hoo-man humor.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Does anyone but I remember a Faux news show that was supposed to be the conservative answer to the Daily Show.I meant to check it out, but it was already gone. If it ever happened.

      Ann Coulter is their version of funny. Mean spirited, obvious and inflammatory. Haha.

      And Sarah Palin thinks using Spudnut to make fun of Obama saying this is our Sputnik moment is a pun.

      1. SorosBot

        The Half Hour News Hour; it had two pilots and was taken away for retooling after both, then about six months later it finally started airing regular episodes, failed miserably and was quickly canceled. Never seen it, but even many conservatives found it unwatchably bad.

    2. tessiee

      "Also, the complete inability of the right to recognize satire never ceases to astound me."

      Their utter lack of self-knowledge (whether through stupidity or smugness or both) is probably a big piece of the puzzle, but I think that on some deeply repressed level, they actually know they're evil and everybody quite deservedly hates them, and the effort required to suppress that knowledge scrambles their brainettes. I think that's why, whenever they try to be "funny", it turns into rabid, spittle-flecked screeching within the first sentence.

  49. C_R_Eature

    Another day, another news article featuring Right Wingers who seem to be biologically incapable of recognizing Satire. These folks still think Colbert is on their side.

    I, on the other hand, see Satire so frequently that I’m coming to believe that Newt Gingrich is really Tony Clifton. They’ve never been seen in the same place, have they?

  50. HistoriCat

    If he's putting the coffee pot back with just enough to cover the bottom of the coffee cup then he's lost my vote!

  51. DustBowlBlues

    For anyone keeping score of the circle jerk that is rural OK, the ex-con, ineligible-to-serve mayor-elect was sworn in.

    Amazing. Gets out of stir in AZ 5 years ago, having completed 5 years of a 6 year sentence and finished probabtion 2 years ago, moved to a small OK town, let the new Baptist preacher "save him" and started wearing a giant rhinestone cross at his business (a rather nice cafe that I don't patronize anymore, fearing the help will spit in my plate before it gets to me–everyone knows I haven't bought the con ) and gets elected by being charming and following a teabagger script about hating the incumbent, and it works.

    Plus, he's black, with gang tatts and did his time for driving the car in a drive-by shooting when a deal to sell 20lbs. of weed went bad.

    I had to get this off my chest because it's not really safe to go to town and say the obvious, which is: Oklahoma isn't Jesustan, it's Idiotstan. Idiocry was like a documentary about this place. These people are morans. If the state of OK doesn't step in and enforce the law, the town's only hope is that the con artist is too stupid to work an embezzling scheme, but I'm not counting on it.

    Oh, and this Farah guy should move here. He'd fit right in.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        I do my best. BTW–I can't find the "no whimsy" comment because this thread is so long, but thanks for that. I think I'm going to quote you as "an old friend" since a part of the retirement to the low cost of living Dust Bowl is to blow off steam on wonkette but not admit that to anyone. Hence the screen name. I actually live in Michigan. Joking. Was raised here, and besides, I've heard they have real winters up there.

    1. James Michael Curley

      You should really move.

      Most of us are hoping the old Woody Guthrie song gets fulfilled.

      'It blowed away,
      My Oklahoma home just blowed away,

  52. DaRooster

    "…I can only guess that their address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue."

    Yep, The Obama's are definitely out to get you… wait… who the fuck are you?

  53. PsycWench

    at my house he takes all BUT the last of something, then quietly closes the box and never writes the item on the shopping list maintained on the refrigerator door. I've found one oreo, one chocolate chip, one gummy bear…

    1. tessiee

      I have an invisible maid who comes in twice a week, only instead of cleaning my house, she messes everything up and eats all the food.

      I'd fire the bitch if I could find her.

  54. iburl

    (Late Night Open Thread Begin)

    I'll say the same thing about Rick Perry that I said about George W. Bush:

    "Surely the rest of America will be able to see through this clown. Surely they are not as susceptible to the self important oversized Texan faux "Good Ol Boy" persona that appeals so much to the average Texan voter. He could never win a national election."

    1. tessiee

      He could never win a national election, unless he had the backing of a powerful political dynasty with tons of money.


  55. ganmerlad

    …"while the establishment press continues to ridicule "birthers" as conspiracy nuts, the White House's April 27 document release has generated vexing new questions and outright contradictions regarding the president's 'birth certificate'." says WND. They want to know:

    1) What is the stamp at the bottom, why does it have a different date than Obama's birth, in fact why does it say April 2011?!

    2) Why isn't the doctor who 'delivered' Obama available for comment?

    3) Why isn't Obama's mother listed on the birth cert, and who is Stanley?…a major mistake on the part of the forger.

    4) African isn't a race.

    5) It says Obama wasn't born on a plantation.

    6) The date stamp isn't the same type writing as the rest of it.

    7) It is flat on the outside and curved on the left inner edge…that is impossible.

    8) The penciled in numbers are reminiscent of Arabic numerals and are a great cause for concern.

    9) Obama's mama's doctor's wife's daughter's cousin works for the Hawaiian government which makes one wonder what is real and how far they will go to cover this up.

    10) Have you seen the several obviously true Kenyan birth certificates? Especially the one that has a foot print, which makes it far more valid than the one from Hawaii. Now we just need to see the bottom of Obama's left foot.

    1. tessiee

      "Now we just need to see the bottom of Obama's left foot."

      Which is, mysteriously, bigger than the footprint on the birf surfaticket, thus proving that it's fake.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      Seriously? Seriously? I shouldn't be shocked, I know.

      I've followed this lackadaisically for years, amused to watch these fools yapping away with their birther idiocy when they weren't perfecting the armpit playing of The Star Spangled Banner, the better to win the grand prize on "Every Fool in America Gots Talent!", but seriously?

      They actually think any of these are valid points? Any of them?

      I got nothin.'

      1. ganmerlad

        The day after he released the long form I popped over to — in the comments I came across a lot of this or a variations of it…I made 3, 8 and half of 9 up though. (The Kenyan birth certs are elsewhere on the net, and yes people do still believe/hope one of them is real and there are people who want to see the bottom of his foot)

  56. lulzmonger

    Now someone needs to put out a one-page scholarly rebuttal: It's Right Here, You Fucking Microcephalic Inbreeds – & follow this asshat everywhere he goes.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Cheap martyrdom, done frequently enough, adds up to profitable martyrdom.

      I keep waiting for all these grifters and scammers to bleed the teabagger nitwits dry, but they seem to have bottomless pockets. (Palin, Beck, Limbaugh, Farah, Coulter, Faux News, the GOP… that's quite a large vampire population they're supporting.

    2. tessiee

      Having stolen everything else there is to steal, they now want to steal the tears of their victims.

  57. Negropolis

    Corsi, Farah & Associates just shot irony in the eye, wrapped it in a white burial cloth, and slid it into the Arabian Sea.

  58. Negropolis

    You seen DSK? That guy couldn't even run to get room service. If it weren't for the element of surprise, that maid would have left his little rolly-polly ass in the dust, and god do I wish that we're the case.

  59. Negropolis

    Won't someone just tell Farah's followers that his parents were a Syrian and a Lebanese – in other words an A-rab – and just get it over with, already?

  60. Biel_ze_Bubba

    “This is an astonishingly reckless report by a company that has demonstrated its total disregard for the truth,” said Farah.

    Was this copied from WND's 10-K, or the annual report?

  61. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    If the controlled media is propaganda
    are most conspiracy theories correct?

  62. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Dear SorosBot;

    George Soros seemed like a nice man when we saw him on TV.
    Is he a good man we can trust?

    Thank you,
    nader paul kucinich gravel mckinney
    baldwin ventura sheehan
    perot carter

  63. DustBowlBlues

    For you kids who don't remember the olden days of air travel {bristles and says, No, not the days of Kitty Hawke, you young punks}: in the early seventies, airports introduced security gates with metal detectors and a machine that gave carry on luggage a full body scan. I can't remember what instigated this, but it seemed silly.

    It wasn't long until signs went up at security gates reading, "No jokes" or "No joking," evidently to put a lid on the hilarity that ensued when people showed up and saw what they were going to have to do to get on the fucking plane.

    My husband (as he was at the time) and I used to joke that those signs would someday be posted on all street corners. "Please, no jokes. This is serious."

    We never really thought our prophecy would come true, but as the conservtards take over the world, I guess we're just about there. Perhaps that's the true sign of the Apocalypse. Or maybe it's because they're too fucking dumb to understand humor. How to make it, how to take it.

  64. nounverb911

    "I can't remember what instigated this, but it seemed silly."
    It was the weekly (daily?) hijacking to Cuba that did it.

  65. SorosBot

    Those simple security gates seem pretty quaint and unobtrusive these days, sadly.

  66. tessiee

    "not the days of Kitty Hawke"

    What have you got against Kitty Hawke? She was a true pioneer in the field of feline aviation. Her last, doomed mission in the good ship Litter Box in search of the legendary Island of Mice, and subsequent mysterious disappearance, brought a tragic premature end to the development of her flight school, Kittens with Wings.

    Let us all nap in a patch of sunlight in honor of Kitty Hawke.

  67. GOPCrusher

    And they took Airport and the other hijacking Made For TV Movies off the air, because it was causing copycat hijackings.
    RUN, D.B., RUN!

  68. ganmerlad

    As a middle aged white woman who has been pulled aside an absurd amount of times over the last five years, as proof there is no profiling going on, I finally figured out what my problem was. I don't scowl enough. Looking like you won't hit them is what slows you down.

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