Wow, that Newt Gingrich sure is good at getting media coverage! He didn’t even have to take a bath of party favors this time. “Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.” HE IS “ON THE RECORD”: You cannot quote things he has said for which he has guiltily apologized, because Newt Gingrich will disavow them as “unfortunate” before you can cut the ad, which gives him SUPER TRIPLE FROZEN IMMUNITY and now you’re the ones walking on lava and look, Democrats, you’re dead, from burning, because the floor is made of lava. (Why in the world would Democrats bother to cut an attack ad against this man? He’d be a terrific foe, even if he makes a play at distracting the sober, responsible electorate with his shiny jewels.)
What’s that in the background? A hotel room? Get out of hotels, Newt! They have been the site of the last three funny Newt incidents. They are RUINING you, Newt, unless you’re filming a sequel to Lost in Translation, in which case, this looks like it’s going to be really good. [Salon]
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Shorter Gingrich: "Nuh-uh!"
Newt's Political Opponents: "Uh-Huh!"
(This could go on awhile)
Boom! My head just esploded. "What I said on Sunday was not intended to be a factual statement."
Damn you Gopher! And my snark is right under yours which is the worst. It looks like I want to be like you (not that I don't with your cool gopher musk),
Great minds think alike….and so do we.
"I was for what I said before I was against it."
I'll let the macros do my talkin', Mr. Gingrich.
"What I said on Sunday was not intended to be a factual statement."
That summarizes several of the "history" books Ole Newt claims to have written.
which one? ALL of 'em Katie!" also, too
"#notintendedtobeafactualstatement"
-Newt Gingrich-
I swear that I hadn't seen your comment when I left mine.
#newtintendedtobeafactualstatement
Gopher beat us both.
But without a hashtag, it can't be retweeted, and if can't be retweeted, it wasn't actually said, right?
Brilliant! You just gave Newt his out!
"It was factual… NOT!!" — Wayne and Garth
Shyeah… as if…
Exsqueeze me? Baking powder?
I triple dog dare you!
A slight breach in etiquette, skipping the triple dare and going straight for the throat.
Christmas Story, oh those pesky kids!
Also skipping the regular and double dares, if my math is correct.
I bet he'll stick his tongue on his wife's frozen expression.
Or his wife's frozen something, anyway.
Newt Gingrich
Wipes Off Glitter,Says Very Dumb ThingNewt Gingrich
Wipes Off Glitter, Says Very Dumb ThingNewt Gingrich
Wipes Off Glitter,SaysVery Dumb ThingNewt Gingrich
Wipes Off GlitterPedazzles!Newt Gingrich Wipes Glitter Off
Glitter, Says Very DumbThing"Any purported wife who quotes what I said during our marriage ceremony is stating a falsehood.”
Especially that "in sickness or in health" part.
"Till mistress do part us"
"till cancer do part us" too also
Reminds me of a sign I saw years ago:
"Marriages performed by the bartender
May not be legal in all states."
If marriages aren't legal in a state of intoxication, I may be in trouble here . . .
If you say I said what I actually said, I'll say what you said isn't what I said because I didn't say what I said.
Ten times fast. GO!
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
Get out of Hotels? Do you know how hard it is to get people to walk into your house and find you naked? It's impossible once all the pizza places know you. But it's easy in a hotel. Hotels are where the action is!
Not to mention that it's so much easier to find the wife he's going to dump the current wife for in hotels.
I can see why he is considered "the one man brain trust"….
I read that as "that one may brain rust."
more like a brain thrust
You can only quote Newt when he puts on the hat with the antlers on it.
If they make one in XXXXXXXXXLG.
"I want to set a precedent for new kinds of presidential campaigns," Gingrich told van Susteren. "I made a mistake and I called Paul Ryan today, who's a very close personal friend, and I said that."
"I am willing to lick anyone's balls, no matter how cheese-covered and foul, to be president." How is that new?
Well, here's hoping President Ryan lets you back in the club. Wither that on the vine, fucker.
Newt's going reptilian and by that, I mean ouroboros.
Are you saying that he loves the taste of ass in the morning, evening, morning, evening, morning…
That would shut him up.
"The next thing I say will be a lie"
"The previous statement was a lie"
Logic 101 mid-term question.
The correct answer is: "I am a politician."
"All of them, Katie."
Newt should just make it simple: "You cannot quote anything I say, as it is a falsehood."
"Any ad which quotes what I said is a falsehood."
Well said, Newt. Or was it?
If I said something you didn't like, then I didn't really say that thing. Simple as that.
Moreover, if you quote one of my lies, it becomes *your* fault.
IQ contest: Ben Stein or Newt?
I'll take it even further: Newt Gingrich is to the 2012 primary season as Sofia Coppola is to Godfather III.
Sofia Coppola found herself in film-making; Newt will keep himself in diamonds with speaking fees from Republican colleges and FOX commentary. From each according to their talents.
The difference is that Copopola's dad sort of forced her into the movie, and she was mortified by the result. Newt, of course, is a willing participant, and also incapable of feeling shame.
Also, given the opportunity, Ms. Coppola demonstrated a certain amount of genuine talent and ability (e.g., "Lost in Translation").
This Republican contest is getting as surreal and weird as Being John Malcovich
Or "Being Ron Jeremy". Ew, wait, I just puked in my mouth a little.
PLEASE NO! I have to drive up and down the NJ Turnpike every day to go to work. I don't need these bozos popping up in my rear view mirror.
“Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.”
That statement could be made about anything he's ever said.
This Republican contest is getting as surreal and weird as Being John Malcovich
GOP needs some new puppet masters. The ones currently pulling the strings are making the guignols look absolutely ridiculous.
Also: a lei? Is Newt in Hawai'i?
Where's the birth certificate, Newton Leroy
Mc PhersonGingrich? & why'd you change your name? What're you hiding?Newt knows that American elections are won by the secret Kenyan Muslim vote.
That "lei" is actually his second wife's cancer-wracked uterus.
Maybe it's his placenta, a la Kesha.
Newt ate his placenta à la Kesha with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
Newt is always looking for a good lei but don't quote me on that.
I am Newt and you are dogs,
Wool over eyes and mists of fog,
Add my fork when you are eating,
Lizard's eggs or chicken wing,
For a charm of tax-free trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
(And may Shakespeare have mercy on my soul)
Double double indeed.
I sorta follow the logic – by quoting a lying asshole, you will automatically become a lying asshole.
Is he wrestling for the heavyweight championship this weekend? Does he have salt in his tights, and is he about to do the DDT on someone? Because this interview sounds kayfabe.
Jesus. Doesn't this guy remind you of Family Circus' "Not Me!!!" : http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.he...
Ida know.
wow, you really showed your 'grampa-ness' on that one! (unfortunately I immediately recognized it)
Josh Marshall says that this is maybe his best line of all:
Newt on the David Gregory interview: "I didn't go in there quite hostile enough, because it didn't occur to me going in that you'd have a series of setups."
Good thing this was just an interview, and not, you know, an attempt to take down the head of Al Queda.
"Series of setups" = let me actually talk. He and Palin HAVE to be runningmates. They're already soulmates.
"Newt on the David Gregory interview: "I didn't go in there quite hostile enough, because it didn't occur to me going in that you'd have a series of setups." "
Right. He thought he was going to spend the entire interview answering fawning softball questions, as is his rightful due.
Going as far back as the Reagan years, Repigs have been whining that journalists have the gall to ask questions and/or hold them accountable. Even though that particular lament is at least 30 years old, and not even true anymore, they're still flogging it for all it's worth.
He cannot control his mouth or his penis. Can bladder be far behind?
All three are a single organ.
Depends.
Did I miss the part where he tells us he's rubber and we're glue?
When you consider the way Repubicans routinely distort what Democrats have said, this is nothing short of divine justice.
Way to go Newt. Make Brave Sir Robin look like Rambo.
I can only imagine how strong and brave you really are, Stay Puft Marshmellow Man.
You know now that you mention it, Newt and the Stay Puft monster from Ghost Busters have a lot of similar facial expressions.
newt produces his own dishonest attack ads on newt.
this is some weird kind of neo expressionism isn't it?
It's going to be at MOCA starting Labour Day Weekend, & extending to early December.
We're definitely gonna need a bigger rabbithole.
"War is peace, peace is war." got it, Newt.
Ignorance is strength.
"All that glitter is gold."
#newtintendedtobeafactualstatement
"Anything I say that makes sense is a complete mistake and whatever I didn't say I regret not saying if it makes me look good. If I say something you can assume I didn't say it and if I said it, I meant it unless I didn't mean it. It must be that way for me to play. Now go away. That's something else I did not say."
And he has no comment on that Tiffany's bill. Back to whoring for the Pope, Newtster!
Jesus jumped-up Christ…the GOP primary is turning out to a political version of the Special Olympics but without the heartwarming stories of grit, courage, and inspiration.
or the intellect and vision.
or water in the pool.
And lower collective IQ.
But with more pig-eyes and slightly ill-apportioned, rather unnerving face fat.
The clip cuts off before he explains how Tiffany's actually owes him $250K.
Newt could trade in Callista for a newer model. What is the blue book value on one used wife anyway?
Mrs. Gingrich: Dear King Haakon, I am not dictating what?
Gingrich: No, no, no, you loopy brothel inmate.
Mrs. Gingrich: I've had enough of this. I am not a courtesan. (moves round to front of the desk, sits on it and crosses her legs provocatively)
Gingrich: Oh, oh, 'courtesan', oh aren't we grand. Harlot's not good enough for us eh? Paramour, concubine, fille de joie. That's what we are not. Well listen to me my fine fellow, you are a bit of tail, that's what you are.
Mrs. Gingrich: I am not, you demented fictional character.
Gingrich: David Vitter says you are. He says you're no better than you should be.
Mrs. Gingrich: And how would he know?
Gingrich: And just what do you mean by that? Are you calling my old congressional comrade-in-arms a fairy?
Mrs. Gingrich: Fairy! Poof's not good enough for Vitter, is it? He's got to be a bleedin' fairy. Mincing old Senatorial queen. (sits at the desk)
Gingrich: (into the intercom) Vitter, I have to see you.
Vitter: Right ho. (he enters) What ho everyone.
Gingrich: Are you gay?
Vitter:I should bally well say so, old fruit.
Gingrich: Ugh! (he shoots him) Dear King Haakon … oh … (takes the antlers off) Dear King Haakon. (the secretary types) Just a line to thank you for the eels. Mary thought they were really scrummy, comma, so did I full stop. I've just heard that Algy was a poof, exclamation mark. What would Captain W. E. Johns have said, question mark. Sorry to mench, but if you've finished with the lawn-edger could you pop it in the post. Love Biggles, David Vitter deceased and Ginger.
Newt: "Everything I say is a falsehood, because I don't really mean any of this shit. I just want to get enough attention to sell a few books to pay off my debt."
This guy waffles more than Lou Sarah.
And as part of my continuing goal to end this asshat's campaign, I include another Newt quote recently published in Mother Jones:
"The left-wing Democrats will represent the party of total hedonism, total exhibitionism, total bizarreness, total weirdness, and the total right to cripple innocent people in the name of letting hooligans loose."
Keep talking Newt. All it means to me is more dirt to push into the grave of your candidacy.
Chris Lee just liked this on facebook.
R/T by @CraiggersNeedsMoreLegRoom
This guy waffles more than Aunt Jemima. FYT.
The bitch must read the comments at Wonkette in order to have developed such a warped and fantastical world-view.
That might esplain it.
This guy eats more waffles than Lou Sarah.
fxd
"letting hooligans loose."
Hooligans? What the fuck year is this, 1850?
Why would you want to end his campaign? I'm sort of all hopey-changey about Obama ending it.
So, it's a falsehood that he's even running?
He's gonna have to use some sort of cue to let the world know when he's speaking his mind and when he's just farting with punctuation.
“Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.”
Sounds like the new Republican campaign slogan.
Certainly sums up their religious views…
“Any ad which quotes what I said is a falsehood.”
Fixed.
Sorry Newt, I called no takebacks.
Newt is running with the "confuse everybody and win by default" strategy. "Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood! I am a liar and my word cannot be trusted because I am constantly saying things that are obviously not true. And I think that's the kind of man you want as your president: the kind of man who admits he is always lying. It really says something about my character and integrity that I tell people not to trust me."
So Newt is Littlefinger? "Distrusting me was the smartest thing you've done since you got down off your horse."
When does Trump fire him?
Please let this disaster go faster than the Mississippi. Comedy gold aside, I'm not sure how much Newt the country can stand.
It is just like how our media has decided to condemn the Democratic party for claiming the Republicans want to destroy Medicare just because they all voted for Ryan's plan to destroy Medicare; if you say something accurate about a Republican that makes them look bad it's "uncivil" and wrong.
"Democrat party."
Repubes! Repubes!
Newt learned this defense during his second divorce about the whole "Love, honor and obey" and "forsaking all others" sections of his wedding vows.
Never mind "in sickness and in health".
Newton's Law:
The only things I say that you can quote
are the things I say that you can quote.
Can I quote you on that?
Looks like he is in Hawaii–he might run into Donald Trump's investigators who disappeared a few weeks ago.
Maybe he is one of Trump's investigators. A man with a Tiffany's debt that large may have to do all kinds of unsavory things to pay it off.
But did they disappear with the corporate credit cards?
In the Annals of Anusdom, Newt has few equals.
Available on Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_19?url=s...
Also available on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Good-bye-Depression-Con...
I like his anti-Newt platform. He's got my vote!
He's having quite a week. Maybe tomorrow he will put on some ice skates and strap a rocket pack to his back, or try to fly a multiwing plane that collapses in on itself.
And don't forget the ACME dynamite plunger.
Speaking of flip flops, I'm sure Tiffany's could custom make a nice pair of these for Newt and Calista, with extra whore diamonds.
Serial adulterer, serial liar, serial asshole. Newt is very linear.
He should cut down on the cereal.
this is off topic, but Bashar al-Assad has absolutely no chin at all.
if he wants to be worthy of dominating the current news cycle, he should think about talking to bristol.
I saw a picture of him and thought it was Scott Walker. Hmmm…
Well, I wouldn't cast him, Bruce Campbell, and Jeff Daniels as triplets, but it looks like he's got more chin than Jerry Seinfeld.
His face is strangely unsettling. He looks like some strange human-cat hybrid.
"And if you tell anyone about this [fucking], I'll say you're lying!" – Newt Gingrich
Okay, Newt wins the confuse-a-cat contest.
One way to outhink people is to make them think that you think what they think you think.
“Super triple frozen immunity.” Is that code for The Father , the Son and the Holy Ghost?
Cause he’s going to need it come Saturday.
And thus Newt is forced to kneel in the office of Scott Walker, naked except for a sweaty coat of glitter. Distending his jaw like a reptile, he takes the entire Ryan package in one big mouthful as the Kochs dance in the corner while playing tribal drums.
Vote Republican.
Oh, that's completely ridiculous!
Every knows the Kochs can't dance.
He is obviously auditioning The Ministry of Truth (Lies). Newt would be right at home in the Orwellian dystopia.
distracting the sober, responsible electorate with his shiny jowels.
[/fixed]
“Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.”
"Along with those times I said,'Till death do us part'."
I'm beginning to think I did take the blue pill, especially when I see news stories about this Newt Ginglitch, who must be a computer-generated construct. Somebody call tech support.
Let's post two or three good posts and then just copy and paste them.
Let's post two or three good posts and then just copy and paste them.
(silly)
Let's post two or three good posts and then just copy and paste them.
Let's post, then go out for coffee and pasta.
tacos and beer, you have a date!
I like what you did there. Upfist for you!
Newt is as confused by life as Holly Golightly, and with a case of the mean reds.
So saying anything about his divorces/adultry/dumping a sick wife is all a lie because he is currently married.
It's Deja vu. Pay no attention to the prior comment.
Or the man behind the curtain.
Like most Christians, Newt saves up on lies all week to indulge on Sunday.
I am almost feeling sorry for Newt at this point. What is wrong with me?!
Just going out on a limb with a prediction. Newt's going to drop out of the Republiklan Nomination Race and some asshat will go on TeeVee and bemoan how a great man was taken down by "gotcha" journalism.
I know, I know, hard to beleive.
Facepalm.
That is all.
Finally, a politician who is honest — "Don't quote what I say because I'm a lying sack of shit."
Now that Newt has become anti-Newtonian, it has become impossible to determine both his positions and his momentum in the polls at the same time.
So does Newt exhibit properties of both a particle and a wave?
As long as the wave is goodbye.
You mean we can't say for sure if the cat is out of the bag?
Newt, this land is not blind enough for you to be king.
"SUPER TRIPLE FROZEN IMMUNITY"
I call shotgun.
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he was for it before he was against it
And when Newt said "In sickness and in health," that was not to be used against him later either.
The only explanation for Newt's non-stop parade of bullshit this week is that he's a plant from the Romney campaign to make Mittens look better to GOP primary voters.
Thank god someone in the Gingrich campaign has stepped up and saved this situation:
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/05/newt-s...
"The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding"
The literati have minions? Who knew? The Wonkerati are way behind the curve here.
So…uh…it's really, really, REALLY unfair if Democrats use this in an ad against Newt. What happens if Republicans use this in an ad against Newt? Not that it looks like they're going to have to.
I looked up Newt in my dictionary and it said:
1. Annoying dickweed with short feeble legs.
2. Any other urodele amphibian, including the salamanders.
Kerry had to put up with screeching hordes of "Swift Boat Veterans"; Obama had these idiots screeching ad infinitum about birth certificates and how Rev. Wright & Bill Ayres were domestic terrorists out to nuke America.
Yet top Repug prez candidates can't handle basic questions from usually brain-dead media types such as Katie Couric who get a brief moment of clarity, ask them a basic question, with they promptly FUBAR….
and anyway, how the hell is Newt a leading contender yet John Edwards is in the dustbin of history for similar sexcrimes, ie cheating on a dying wife etc.
What about rude hand gestures made on a Sunday, ala Scalia?
What did he say? I can't stand to watch it, but figure it was Newt singing a showtune about his coming out.
SUPER TRIPLE FROZEN IMMUNITY?
Damn not SUPER TRIPLE FROZEN IMMUNITY.
Only thing that beats SUPER TRIPLE FROZEN IMMUNITY is
SUPER TRIPLE I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT THE FUCK I TALKED ABOUT FROZEN IMMUNITY.
Or in simple terms, ALZHIEMERS.
Apparently Newt has hired Yogi Berra as a campaign consultant.
I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra
I newt you are, but what am I?
I can't wait to Newtie files his first defamation for the publication of "falsehoods."
"N.Y. Times v. Sullivan? What? Wah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How about a "Guess Newt's Weight " contest? Put me down for 255 lbs. He not only speaks shit, but quite obviously has swallowed his share as well. He may beat Pugsly Limbaugh in the massive myocardial infarction race.
On a tangential note, it appears that R2-D2 is stalking him from behind a potted palm.
Newt will be the next to drop out, I expect, but not to worry. The crazy team still has plenty of strong players on the bench.
How about Christine O'Donnell? She's exactly the same as Bachmann or Palin, except younger and prettier and not a witch.
America's just not ready for a Furry.
It's news because this time he wiped off glitter.
The best part is, this is actually true. Any quote of Newt's does tend to be a falsehood. Extreme dishonesty/movement conservatives tend to work that way.
I didn't read all the comments; I simply wanted to compliment JackiStuff for, in my book, the greatest ALT tag ever (lately). 'Tis a thing of beauty.
Why in the world would Democrats bother to cut an attack ad against this man?
The idea, I suppose, is to use Newt's words in an attack on another right-wing candidate. The idea is, I submit, utterly foolhardy. Far, FAR more damaging would be using the buffoon's praise of the target to deadly effect.
Slow down the tape, and go frame by frame, the Newt's head actually swivels around….
It's not like he has a past of expecting to get away with whatever without anyone calling him on it, or anything.
Hey, no bobbling!
Oh, FINE!!
*puts bra back on*
Newt, let me see if I have a handle on this. If you are now saying that anything you said in the past is a falsehood, does that mean that what you are saying today will be a falsehood tomorrow, making what you said on Sunday true again. Oh god I am so confused. LMAO.
Also, in the future, I will be psychic.
Ohgohdddd this is so guuooooohhhhddd…
Still too close. How about Bush's 100,000 acre "Ranch" in Alto Paraguay? They could create their own perfect little paradise (Utopia Moronica?) and they'd fit right in with the Moonies next door.
We'd have to pay the Paraguayans Large not to deport them, though.
This sounds like a great plan. I'm sure we could fit the cost into the Defense or Homeland Security budget. I would add the requirement that they all be sterilized so it wouldn't get all “Boys from Brazil” down there. From: notifications@intensedebatemail.comTo: ericnakanishi@msn.comSubject: C_R_Eature replied to your comment on Newt Gingrich Wipes Off Glitter, Says Very Dumb Thing
That's a good point re:Sterilization. No need to create a Million Moron Army. We could also put contraceptives in their Kool-Aid; like Jonestown without all the nasty clean up.
Whatever it costs, the increase in global I.Q. points and the elevation of the national discourse will be worth it.
Usually the glitter comes out in his poop.
Yaeh right, like Newt's going to make it to 2012.
" … & I intend to make as many 'inaccurate statements' as it takes to dry-hump the polls as hard as I have to for as long as it takes!"
Can Newt actually self-destruct WITHOUT the matter of his perpetually wayward pecker even entering into the whole sordid clusterfuck that is his campaign?
YES HE CAN.
Hubris, thy name is Newton.
Don't you guys just love that Newton is in trouble because he spoke ill of the policy of some pointy-faced, angular-featured youth up in Wisconsin? My, how power transfers.
Newton is on the threshold of banishment from the Republican Party because he pooh-poohed a plan of some no-name up North. Newt, you're not in 1990's Kansas, anymore.
What turns this fiasco into an uber-meta-fiasco is that what Newt said on Sunday, totally by mistake, was … the truth. Naturally, this cannot have happened, so quoting it is retroactively declared a "falsehood". (One of those uniquely Republican occult powers. Don't ask how they got them.)
Having made this unexpected and fleeting appearance in GOP politics, the truth then rapidly faded from sight and memory.
Neocon Newt Gingrich is shocked
84% Reject the Official 9 11 Story
I think "cock jackal" is my new favorite insult.
You're welcome…I am here but to serve.
How many pieces of Tiffany jewelry will Callista be wearing when she smirks past Michelle, as Michelle and Barry shamefully walk out of the White House and hand her the keys? This is so going to happen…..in an alternate universe.
The truly incredible Newt myth being propogated by his apologists is that he says this kind of hooey because he's so smart. His big-ass King Size brain just has no more room for even a crumb of self awareness.
This dude is like about a million other old white involuntary retirees out there just babbling away on some internal loop.
Bring on the Callista interviews and sink this candidacy for good.
So he was vajazzled?
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