• May 27, 2012

Newt Gingrich Is a Man of Endless Treasure

by Jack Stuef  3:29 pm May 17, 2011


“Callista Gingrich, was employed by the House Agriculture Committee until 2007, according to public records. She listed a ‘revolving charge account’ at Tiffany and Company in the liability section of her personal financial disclosure form for two consecutive years and indicated that it was her spouse’s debt. The liability was reported in the range of $250,001 to $500,000.” Above, Newt Gingrich’s official campaign song.

When asked by POLITICO whether Gingrich has settled this debt, and why he owed between a quarter-million and a half-million dollars to a jeweler, Rick Tyler, Gingrich’s spokesman, declined to comment.

“No comment,” he said in an email.

We may have to add a new definition to the term “whore diamonds.” That’s one costly affair. [Politico]

{ 190 comments }

Barb May 17, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Damn, is he buying that pasty white bitch diamonds-by-the-yard or something? Yeah, this reflects America's values. Good luck with that, Newt!

uɐɯǝʌɐɔxnɐɔsɐl May 17, 2011 at 4:01 pm

His wife? Please.

Perhaps future wives-to-be. Newt probably passed them out like candy to young staffers over the years. How else is a guy like that gonna get laid? Maybe she got a few baubles before they tied the knot.

GhostBuggy May 17, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Maybe not the diamonds, but certainly endless debt forever is as American as McDonald's apple "pie."

jaytingle May 17, 2011 at 6:55 pm

You must recall that Newt was having affairs because he is so passionate about this country. That credit line was opened so he could buy diamonds for all of us. Didn't you get some?

Barb May 17, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Yes, he is passionate about this country. "Give me poontang, or give me death!"
Nah, I didn't get my diamonds.

ShaveTheWhales May 18, 2011 at 2:38 am

I think that's "Give me poontang or give me twat".

Somehow I don't see the Newter considering death as an acceptable alternative.

Bonzos_Bed_Time May 17, 2011 at 3:32 pm

How many whore diamonds = one shiny forehead?

John McCain was just wonderin'

bordo2 May 17, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Whore diamonds has such a nice ring to it. I wonder if Newtie ran up that tab keeping Calista quiet while he was boning her all those years? If so, she went cheap. Sleeping with a fat tub of goo like Newt ought to be worth at least $1 million.

OkieDokieDog May 17, 2011 at 3:42 pm

There's not enough money, booze, Quaaludes, paper bag over his head and mine, or a room dark enough to willingly have s-e-x-y time with that fat tub of goo. In other words, I'd have to be stone cold dead.

One_who_wanders May 17, 2011 at 3:47 pm

He's OK with that. Not surprisingly.

pbrex May 17, 2011 at 4:05 pm

True that man, sticking body parts in dead people has been a Catholic tradition since the doubting Thomas.

chicken_thief May 17, 2011 at 4:14 pm

WTF you expect? Alter boys don't work 24/7, ya know.

bflrtsplk May 17, 2011 at 5:05 pm

He's been asking around for your phone number so he can make the, um, arrangements.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 18, 2011 at 4:23 am

Hey, your corpse ain't gonna screw itself.

Lucidamente1 May 17, 2011 at 3:32 pm

As long as they're blood diamonds, I'm ok with it.

MarcelleMarceau May 17, 2011 at 3:32 pm

First Adultress has a lovely ring to it.

SorosBot May 17, 2011 at 3:44 pm

But she was Newt's second adultress (that we know of).

MarcelleMarceau May 17, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Indeed. Imagine a Newtonian Administration — a perpetual pimp and whore party.

Jukesgrrl May 17, 2011 at 5:52 pm

He could invite the IMF. Heaven knows he wouldn't be hosting anyone named Common — Calista wouldn't stand for it (might steal something that came from Tiffany's).

MadBrahms May 17, 2011 at 4:34 pm

It better be a lovely ring for $500,000.

tiredalways May 17, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Diamonds ~ Men's worst enemy!

Barb May 17, 2011 at 3:34 pm

And a girl's best friend.

tiredalways May 17, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Yeah..How do you think they became eternal enemies if it wasn't for gals' obsession with them?

horsedreamer_1 May 17, 2011 at 3:51 pm

When you're nothing
But a boyfriend
Dangling by a thread
Keep in mind
The bottomline
'Diamonds are a girl's best friend'

SorosBot May 17, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Diamonds are a whore's best friend.

Negropolis May 18, 2011 at 4:20 am

Well, that goes without saying.

BerkeleyBear May 17, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I prefer to think of them as the ultimate get outta the doghouse card, and hence a tool of man (See Bryant, Kobe).

Or as Ron White puts it,

Diamonds – That'll shut her up!

SorosBot May 17, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Though it is kind of strange that, after a rape, it's his wife who he owed the apology diamonds to. I guess it's a way to say, "Don't worry, my lawyers will find a way to call her a slut and engage in some serious victim-blaming to get me off and I'll still keep making millions."

Barb May 17, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I LOVE Ron White! He appeared at my husband's casino on our first wedding anniversary and I had front row seats. He has a great show!

SpurningBeer May 17, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Wait. Your husband has a casino? Is your married name Ensign?

Barb May 17, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Lol, no he doesn't have a casino. He's a corporate business executive over 3 casinos.
Bill Clinton will be there in July.

BerkeleyBear May 17, 2011 at 10:22 pm

Tater Salad is awesome. My wife likes very few comics, but Ron cracks her up every time.

It is interesting how, like Lewis Black, he's really become a huge star at an age most road comics are finished by. I'm glad he made it through his legendary hard living phase to bring so many people a good time.

Chillwaver May 17, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Fuck, Newt…for a sec there, I thought you were really serious about this running for Prez thing.

snarkycomments May 17, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Be careful, everyone! You don't want to scare away all the candidates before the primary. Wouldn't you rather have a half-million dollars worth of whore diamonds as an October surprise?

102415 May 17, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Agreed. We don't want to run through all the nasty unelectable wingnuts right away. Save some for later.

DaRooster May 17, 2011 at 5:47 pm

They're doin' it… not us… buncha fuckin' numbskulls.

DaSandman May 17, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Hehe.

Baby needs either dick or diamonds and the Salamander is long past the dick slinging days.

I hope she dumps him for Lil Wayne. He's got ice.

uɐɯǝʌɐɔxnɐɔsɐl May 17, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Lil Wayne like him some of those white middle-aged Stepford factory seconds?

NYNYNY May 17, 2011 at 10:21 pm

"You should get out before you make an even bigger fool of yourself." I bet Newton's heard that before.

undeterredbyreality May 17, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Diamonds are a Stepford Wife's best friend.

Rarian Rakista May 18, 2011 at 12:24 am

They use them as fuel to fake orgasms.

The worst neighbors I ever had were a 50 year old guy who had run away from his wife and kids, when he was giving his new girlfriend the business they sounded like rutting hippos. When she was fucking her other lays who came by during the day, she did not make a sound.

OneDollarJuana May 17, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Explains that sparkle in her eyes.

OneDollarJuana May 17, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Believe it or not, I just this minute received a spam email "Buy This Collectible Tiffany Money Clip and Save". I guess Callista got it, too.

horsedreamer_1 May 17, 2011 at 3:52 pm

She's a plasticene porter.

Negropolis May 18, 2011 at 4:26 am

Actually, the glazed over eyes are the result of copious amounts of horse tranquilizers.

4TheTurnstiles May 17, 2011 at 3:36 pm

isn't this the broad who blows the French Horn in the Fairfax City Brass band? and those are the lips she kisses her kids with…

petehammer May 17, 2011 at 3:40 pm

When reached by telephone, Pierre Marteaux Horn of the Fairfax City Brass band had no comment.

102415 May 17, 2011 at 4:10 pm

No kids yet. It's a miracle for a Catholic girl. Surprised?

horsedreamer_1 May 17, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Anno Domini means something else entirely to the former Ms. Bisek.

Radiotherapy May 17, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Eww, she has to eat another shit gingrich.
Only 24,951 to go.

NYNYNY May 17, 2011 at 10:24 pm

A shit gingrich. That's the one thing the girls at the dungeon won't do.

Rarian Rakista May 18, 2011 at 12:26 am

You need to higher a better dungeon master, heard the CIA has had a few recently retire.

fartknocker May 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Newt's former wife Marianne stated in an Esquire article that Newt told her the following before the divorced was finalized:

"She was a Jaguar and all he wanted was a Chevrolet. I can't handle a Jaguar right now. All I want is a Chevrolet."

Stay classy Newt. And be sure to be the Presidental candidate focused on family values you shit stain.

DustBowlBlues May 17, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Is Marianne the second wife, the one with MS or the first wife, the one with cancer? I'm blissfully ignorant of the details of this asshole's life.

genxr May 17, 2011 at 3:48 pm

I guess she's a Chevy with gold spinner wheels and diamond-encrusted bumpers.

horsedreamer_1 May 17, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Policeman taps the shades…
'Is that a Chevy '69?'
How bizarre
How bizarre
How bizarre

fuflans May 17, 2011 at 4:01 pm

so what, callista is chevy cobalt?

also: what a self serving prick.

uɐɯǝʌɐɔxnɐɔsɐl May 17, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Newt's getting better mileage with his new Chevy Calista.

(Man, and my wife got pissed off when I compared her to Miata.)

Gopherit May 17, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Because you like to drive her with the top down?

LesBontemps May 17, 2011 at 4:29 pm

And his foot on the floor.

riverside68 May 17, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Where you referring to her tuned exhaust?

uɐɯǝʌɐɔxnɐɔsɐl May 17, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Mostly the thick pile carpet.

No, what I had in mind was the sporty, compact body, with subtle but pleasing curves, low maintenance costs, reliability, goes just fast enough to keep things interesting…

widget2011 May 17, 2011 at 5:57 pm

He's going to eventually end up with a 1972 ford pinto or a 1975 gremlin. Grinch in a Gremlin, I like that.

Geminisunmars May 17, 2011 at 8:22 pm

He'll have to rely on a rented Escort before too long.

Come here a minute May 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Must be all the breakfasts.

Jukesgrrl May 17, 2011 at 5:59 pm

PRAYER breakfasts, I trust.

petehammer May 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm

"Something something if I have to live within my means, why can't the government something something"

Chillwaver May 17, 2011 at 3:39 pm

On the bright side -and unlike Newt's wives- diamonds are forever…

WriteyWriterton May 17, 2011 at 3:53 pm

"On the bright and shiny side…"

Fixed.

Callyson May 17, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Whore diamonds…because buying gold is so 2010.

WriteyWriterton May 17, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Glenn Beck has yet another reason to go off on Newtie.

outragedcitizen May 18, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I'll say. Just ask Warren Buffett.

Negropolis May 19, 2011 at 12:00 am

Whore diamonds: when money just isn't enough.

Pragmatist2 May 17, 2011 at 3:40 pm

You can't expect Newt to wear nipple rings from some hippie jeweler, can you?

Dudleydidwrong May 17, 2011 at 4:41 pm

The image would cause dead maggots to wake up and gag.

hagajim May 17, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Gingrich is a treasure trove all right…a treasure trove of comedy!

Lizard diamonds!

Troubledog May 17, 2011 at 3:42 pm

What's missing is a mandate that requires people to buy things from Tiffany's. If you don't have your own jewelry, you are required to accept the Tiffany's jewelry and a bill will be mailed to you. This is called the public option.

WriteyWriterton May 17, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Which you support on Saturday, oppose on Sunday, walk back on Monday. Rinse repeat.

102415 May 17, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Would't that be the Pubic Option in this case? If so I'm for it.

LesBontemps May 17, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Thank goodness I have a private jeweler who I'm satisfied with, but I'm only using him for catastrophic coverage.

ShaveTheWhales May 18, 2011 at 2:41 am

pubic option, please.

randcoolcatdaddy May 17, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Some Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Others, like Newt, prefer them with BAT SHIT CRAZY EYES!!!

Barb May 17, 2011 at 3:43 pm

You would think that with all those diamonds she would know what HARD is supposed to really feel like and dump Newtie.

SmutBoffin May 17, 2011 at 4:02 pm

On Moh's scale of mineral hardness, Newt rates lower than talc.

PeaceWithHonor May 17, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Wear that blue dress like a man, bitch!

MiniMencken May 17, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Tiffany & Company? How very conservative.

MiniMencken May 17, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Tiffany & Co.? How very conservative.

MadBrahms May 17, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Clearly, farm subsidies have gotten out of hand.

Hatrabbit May 17, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Did her 'revolving charge account' projectile vomit green-pea mush into the priest's face?

arihaya May 17, 2011 at 3:46 pm

if this is Newt's official campaign song then what is Obama's ?

loulouroo May 17, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Theme from Shaft. He's a baaaaaaad…….. "Shut your mouth!"

baconzgood May 17, 2011 at 3:46 pm

No comment=Why can't you be moar like Faux Noose.

SudsMcKenzie May 17, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Wow, he Reaally loves his country.

SorosBot May 17, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Looking at Newt's gut, I think he spent all that money at Tiffany's on their breakfasts.

Ruhe May 17, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Really. Newt's preferred "huckleberry friend" is obviously some sort of pie.

WriteyWriterton May 17, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Eating the lamps.

OneYieldRegular May 17, 2011 at 3:48 pm

"Didn't I tell you this was a lovely place?"

Biel_ze_Bubba May 18, 2011 at 4:54 am

Engraving on the ring: "To whom it may concern"

SayItWithWookies May 17, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Newt's big campaign platform will be bringing back powdered wigs — I mean, what goes better with diamonds?

user-of-owls May 17, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Apartheid?

Negropolis May 18, 2011 at 4:33 am

The blood of a poverty-stricken African?

SaintRond May 17, 2011 at 3:48 pm

A ratty pink collar with fake gems would have worked just as well on that woman who looks just like an albino kitty with leukemia on an overdose of catnip.

uɐɯǝʌɐɔxnɐɔsɐl May 17, 2011 at 4:16 pm

OMG, she has leukemia? Newt bails in 3… 2… 1…

Texan_Bulldog May 17, 2011 at 3:48 pm

$250,000 (the low end of the debt) is more than my damn house is worth…and we're not even upside down on it. WTF has Newty been doing to get that kind of credit limit ANYWHERE?

I hope those diamonds keep Callista warm and happy when she looks over & sees Newt in his boxers, black socks and stained wife-beater without his dentures in.

Gopherit May 17, 2011 at 3:59 pm

You know……she might just be buying diamonds for herself every time Newt gets blown by a possible future Mrs Gingrich. The way women go down on him, you'd think his penis dispensed champagne and caviar.

SaintRond May 17, 2011 at 7:13 pm

I wonder if she can hear his dentures clack when he goes down on her, assuming he does go down on her.

owhatever May 17, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Now, Callista, take the diamonds and clear out now, girlfriend. Otherwise you'll have to look at Newt for the rest of your life. Go buy some more Botox. Enjoy.

genxr May 17, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I can't believe Callista Flockhart has sunk so low.

Gopherit May 17, 2011 at 3:57 pm

dunno. might be a step up from Harrison Ford. That bastard probably wouldn't buy you diamonds.

Geminisunmars May 17, 2011 at 8:36 pm

I can't believe that there are actually two women with that name.

__kth__ May 17, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Tiffany's, nothing bad can happen to you there

WriteyWriterton May 17, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Movie pitch: Zeppelin full o' Republican pretenders, lightning storm, one of 'em is murdered during particularly loud thunderclap, drawing-room interrogation of suspects by Chicago's Pat Fitzgerald, , zep slips moorings, all float away, betimes yammering endlessly about the food-stamp preznit.

Fade to white. Extremely white, except for Mr. Cain.

DaRooster May 17, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Cain is last seen laughing and running from mooring with shears…

mereoblivion May 17, 2011 at 5:05 pm

To paraphrase Robert Duvall in Network, You've got one big fat big-titted hit on your hands!

MLHencken May 17, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Man, 500k is a whole lot of Happy Meals, or one diamond-encrusted French Horn, with silk-lined case and little wheelies so poor Newt won't strain himself while dragging it around for Callista.

pinkocommi May 17, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Good thinking. Given that Newt is likely to leave Callista Gingrich once she has cancer and is in the hospital, she ought to build up a treasure trove of diamonds in the meantime.

Jukesgrrl May 17, 2011 at 6:04 pm

I don't think robots can get cancer.

Geminisunmars May 17, 2011 at 8:37 pm

aka marriage insurance.

ManchuCandidate May 17, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Crazy girls just seem to find out early
How to open doors with just a tongue
A rich fat man
And she won't have to worry
She'll wear all diamonds and go in style

Late at night a big old house gets boring
I guess ev'ry form of whoring has its price
And it breaks her heart to think her love is
Only given to a man whose face is stuffed with food

So she tells him she must go out for the evening
To comfort an cancer patient who's feelin' down
But he knows where she's goin' as she's leavin'
She is headed for the expensive side of town

You can't hide your diamond buys
And your smile is a crazy disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide your diamond buys

ShaveTheWhales May 18, 2011 at 2:45 am

This possibly the most complicated Eagles parody I've ever seen. Salute. Although I think you should have worked "thighs" in there somewhere.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 18, 2011 at 4:57 am

She has thighs?

Fukui_sanYesOta May 17, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Christine O'Donnell? I didn't know you posted here.

Gopherit May 17, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Huh. Who would have thought that doughy, pasty motherfucker had game? Then again, given the women he hit…….

ThundercatHo May 17, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Hey, those Stepford (TM) Callista 2000 models don't come cheap, ya know.

widestanceroman May 17, 2011 at 3:59 pm

I'm thinking he made gem trails ending at his pale, sweaty and doughy groin, and she played the dutiful diamond mine worker who needed the job.

Once again, I hate my imagination.

angryclownspawn May 17, 2011 at 4:07 pm

I'm not very fond of it either right now.

Extemporanus May 17, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Now that Newt's Tiffany trail has all but dried-up, it looks like he's gonna have to start dishin' out "Diamond Dicks" like the rest of us Poors.

blinky_twinkie May 17, 2011 at 4:02 pm

My only revolving credit account is for $300 at Lane Bryant. Fuck Newt Gingrich.

SmutBoffin May 17, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Is this why Newt has to shit out those ill-conceived historical fiction books? To pay for shiny rocks for a vacant woman?

ManchuCandidate May 17, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Yes. And you'd think he'd try harder.

Wilcoxyz May 17, 2011 at 4:58 pm

She's not always vacant. I'd imagine $250K in jewelry buys him some occupancy privileges.

Gopherit May 17, 2011 at 4:05 pm

does it surprise anyone that Newt might have had to pay for every pearl necklace he gave?

fuflans May 17, 2011 at 4:07 pm

i should write something snarky about evil bringing many rewards, but honest to god, this just depressing.

ManchuCandidate May 17, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Why? Here is a guy who has to constantly bust his giant fat ass to keep his pwecious wfiey in the lifestyle she's grown accustomed to. I'll bet she calculates how much each blow job is going to cost him in Carats meanwhile he lives in utter fear she'll leave him for a man of more means. I don't know about you, but I'm glad I don't live that way. Sure he "lives" in luxury, but it's more of a cage of massive debt when you think about it.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum May 17, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Is this the same revolving account he gets his wives from?

DaRooster May 17, 2011 at 4:11 pm

"Newt Gingrich Is a Man of Endless Treasure"

Newt Gingrich Is a Man of Endless Measure!

Extemporanus May 17, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Shine on, you hoary diamond!

Steverino247 May 17, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Diamond Libel!

102415 May 17, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Oh come on people that is for little gifts for friends and a couple of key rings. Oh and some plates and a vase for her niece's wedding.

Jukesgrrl May 17, 2011 at 6:10 pm

And a William and Kate teacup?

102415 May 17, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Well, it was so cute I wanted one myself but I'm getting a copy of the IUD wedding hat instead.

ProgressiveInga May 17, 2011 at 4:25 pm

You just made me think of my favorite Paul Simon song:
♫She's a rich girl
She don't try to hide it
Diamonds on the soles of her shoes
He's a poor boy
Empty as a pocket
Empty as a pocket with nothing to lose
Sing ta na na
Ta na na na
She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes ♫

Oh yeah, and F@#K the Newtster and the whore diamonds up his ass.

mrblifil May 17, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Hahahahaha…that's one expensive choir girl.

mog253 May 17, 2011 at 4:30 pm

No and don't ask again.

elviouslyqueer May 17, 2011 at 4:31 pm

*joy* And now, this dispatch from the planet "Headupyourassus" Politico comment board:

Please, the media is letting its biases plainly appear. All were getting is hit pieces on republicans while Obama never received even the most limited questioning of his past associations and writings, mentors, pastors. We wouldn't be in the mess were in now if someone in the mainstream press wasn't all in to fix the elections when ever possible. We still get glowing reports of the wonders of any Obama program, never the details as to what they actually do to us. Republicans, well they just want to kill grandma.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

SorosBot May 17, 2011 at 4:36 pm

What? Obama got more scrutiny from the mainstream media than any other candidate in my lifetime. Remember the bullshit they spread over Reverend Wright? Or the former Weatherman he kind of knew?

mumbly_joe May 17, 2011 at 8:46 pm

But… but… if you don't know that the University of Illinois at Chicago and UChicago are different institutions, you'd think they taught in different schools of the same large university! And they briefly served on the same non-profit board, even though it's quite common for two members of sufficiently large boards have LITERALLY NO INTERACTION WITH EACH OTHER AT ALL.

This clearly proves that they were BEST PALS and the former Weatherman ghost-wrote his book and also was probably his Kenyan father!

ManchuCandidate May 17, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Butt hurt loser.

baconzgood May 17, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Soooooo Newt leaving a 1/2 Mil tab and then running out of the eatery is a hit piece? No newz here keep moving along (in my irish cop accent).

SorosBot May 17, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Now I've had to wade into the breach to fight the insanity. At least the Politico commenters are only about half wingnut, but the wingnuts are some insane, hive-minded ones. And I see they turned blowjob into *******.

GOPCrusher May 17, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Agreed. When are we going to see the long form live birth certificate?

Radiotherapy May 17, 2011 at 6:08 pm

yep, didn't see that coming. Resko, community organizer, Alinsky, Gangster Gov't, "present" votes…the list is endless…they've tried to attack Obama with everything and anything, and yet, RWR still calls him the "anointed one."

BlueStateLibel May 17, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Running up a tab between a quarter-million and half-a million dollars at Tiffany's sure smells like ELITISM to me. This will go over big with his constiuency with their $300 revolving credit line at Sears.

Wilcoxyz May 17, 2011 at 4:34 pm

And Palin settled for $150K in clothes? No jewelry! This is not going to go over well on Wasilla Main Street.

timbo71351 May 17, 2011 at 4:36 pm

That doughy hunk of shit who thinks he is a hell of a lot smarter than he really is needs to just drop out of the race, before he makes himself look like even more of a horse's ass.

MadBrahms May 17, 2011 at 4:46 pm

On the contrary, with Trump gone and the media finally tiring of Sarah Palin's antics, we need *someone* around to entertain us. I'm hoping the Contract with Tiffany's is only the tip of a much larger iceberg of griftitude.

Radiotherapy May 17, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Damn, coddled gubmint workers. How would they do in the private sector?

Goonemeritus May 17, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Yet it’s the Democratic Party that’s out of touch with the average American.

JackObin May 17, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Hey Newt, how about a Tiffany ring for your scrotom neck? Drives the Georgia babes wild.

Extemporanus May 17, 2011 at 5:12 pm

PHOTO EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT WONKETTE!

Newt Gingrich employed a "Carat-and-Stick" approach on Callista!

PHOTO EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT WONKETTE!

DemonicRage May 17, 2011 at 5:14 pm

He is so ready to be President. I can't wait until he is swept into Office by voters who are ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!!

PostApocalypse May 17, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Every time I see her I think of the chick from The Office with the cats.

Ha Ha! Dwight Schrute Gingrich

BZ1 May 17, 2011 at 5:34 pm

What's a "revolting charge account", oh, I know…

GOPCrusher May 17, 2011 at 5:46 pm

It used to be called Reaganomics.

iburl May 17, 2011 at 5:40 pm

You think shebots come cheap? You stinking neo-marxists!

Weenus299 May 17, 2011 at 5:41 pm

I'm going to name all my lizard's children "Calista."

Geminisunmars May 17, 2011 at 8:46 pm

You have an albino lizard?

orygoon May 17, 2011 at 5:49 pm

What have we here? Wonkette scoopy story 'bout "wickedness in high places"! I am just gobsmacked, wowsersandall. What will tomorrow bring, hm?

Jukesgrrl May 17, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Troll's hittin on you. Seriously, I didn't think they'd work for Newtie given his recent lashing of Paul Ryan. I pulled you back from 0.

Mahousu May 17, 2011 at 6:44 pm

While we're on the subject of Newt, it should be mentioned that those stories of him serving divorce papers on his first wife while she was lying in a hospital bed after cancer surgery are totally false.

New evidence shows she was clearly sitting up at the time.

Terry May 17, 2011 at 6:52 pm

The cheap bastard made her charge the jewelry he "gave" her on a credit card in her own name? So that when she finds out he's cheating and dumps him, that debt is hers? Klassy, Newt.

102415 May 17, 2011 at 9:27 pm

I want to see the receipts.

BarackMyWorld May 17, 2011 at 7:34 pm

This is truly the weakest Republican presidential field since 1996. And before that, since the 1940s.

WordSaladNation May 17, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Boy, things have really gone downhill for Calista since Ally McBeal ended, huh?

Warpde May 17, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Used to be a time when giving a woman a Pearl Necklace would suffice.
Just ask Clinton.

moar_plz May 17, 2011 at 8:51 pm

I don't TAKE money from the government, I MAKES money from the government, bitches!

Geminisunmars May 17, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Now we know why he needed to sell all those plaques for $5000 to topless bars.

rocktonsam May 17, 2011 at 9:52 pm

must have been one helleva a blow job

if theres a bj in this house there damn well better be a diamond in end

real_dc_native May 17, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Now Newt glitters like a diamond: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/politics/20...

predilectrix May 17, 2011 at 10:18 pm

It won't be really fun till we can tee up the Great White Grifter.

Veritas78 May 17, 2011 at 10:27 pm

It's been a while since we had a real slut as First Lady.
Yeah, Laura Bush had the Joker rictus thing goin' on, but she was clearly self-medicating, and no one sober would ever fuck her.
Calista's vajeje probably has stored up inside it the DNA from every one of the half-dozen straight Refucks left in Congress. Why do I keep thinking of the movie "Brazil"?

102415 May 17, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Remember what put Newt on the front page all those years ago? The terrible *scandal* of Congressional *check kiting*. Months later it turned out he had a few checks covered himself. This is payback for that and all the rest of his bullshit over the years.
Why doesn't Larry Craig try for a run next?

weejee May 17, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Larry is busy with a ménage-a-trois with Newtie and Lindsey Graham. It's what they call a double-wide triple white.

horsedreamer_1 May 18, 2011 at 9:17 am

Also known as a "Krystal Grab-bag".

Everything slides right in.

predilectrix May 17, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Two days ago, this bottom-feeder was calling Obama the food-stamp president. And now, bam! Trump? Bam. Please, please Sarah. Step up to the table for your bowl of instant karma.

beezie687 May 17, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Way to ruin a great song, Wonkette… now I'm picturing Newt buck naked, banging on the bathroom floor. DO NOT WANT

zappadoo76 May 18, 2011 at 1:04 am

That for him and what for them? What did he have for whatfers?

Negropolis May 18, 2011 at 4:16 am

Callista in the sky with diamonds, indeed. Bitch looks in a perpetual state of euphoria, as if she's just caught scent of the most wonderful odor ever. Lobatomy-incuded ecstasy is bliss.

More likely, she's a Lizard Person. Her facial expressions look downright forced/unnatural, as if her ill-fitting skin is stretched over a hard exoskeleton.

Tundra Grifter May 18, 2011 at 10:10 am

No ice – No dice.

Tundra Grifter May 18, 2011 at 10:13 am

Personally, I thought it was great the way "real conservatives" went after Ole Newt for his rather bland comments about the Paul Ryan budget proposal. These right wing nutz are certainly willing to eat their own (can't say "young"!).

A bruising Republican primary fight is just the ticket for Mr. Obama. Like a Derby where every other horse gets stuck in the starting gate, or a scrum at the first turn, and the favorite wins by a mile.

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