Wonkette operative “Paul G.” sends in this rewritten AP article printed in the St. Petersburg Times. Look, the death of bin Laden actually resulted in a slight restoration of civil liberties! But we’re still going to call them “Muslin.” Speaking of which, are our friends on Facebook still concerned about “the Muslin’s”?
Yes, they are.
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The FBI will now set its sights on corduroy men.
Can I volunteer to NOT watch spandex americans?
The corduroy men have a much lower threat potential. You can always hear them coming.
All the hipsters with their fancy tweed vests!
WHERE'S THE GARMENT TAG, OBAMAR? YOUR SHIRT IS SECRET MUSLIN.
Did you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines!
I'm sorry.
Not sorry enough.
"The U.S. government has ended a controversial counterterrorism program…"
Offer still not valid after curfew in Sectors R and N.
They never come up into the hills.
Ah, this explains how K.J. Choi was able to win The Players tournament this weekend. We should have kept him under surveillance.
Never liked fatties in sweatpants.
Worsted wearers are highly suspect.
They're the worst!
At least we were able to conquer spandex in the 80's.
So long, seersuckers!
we didn't conquer spandex, the fast-food industry did.
Anyway, spandex was hot back in the 80s when chicks did aerobics in their Jane Fonda leotards. Miami Sound Machine. leg warmers. hell yeah.
Are you now spelllng your name backwards so we won't recognize you as the first to drop a pun? Sorry, caveman, it didn't work.
Naw, a couple treads ago me and boys was just messin' with html tags and such. I'll change it back, Mom. :(
The Hobbs comment is the best. I bet he doesn't even know about Stalin's "No man, no problem". And Stalin was the leader of why kind of political ideology?
I'd make a comment, but it would be too cynical.
And the search for American literacy continues
Mo muslins, Mo hummus.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read "Working People Vote Republican". Ain't that America?
Corrected version should say "Dipshit Ignorant braindead Working People Vote Republican."
Morans.
"Feudalism is Freedom!"
I work. And I despise Republicans.
"No really, just go ahead and jump, it'll be ok, honest. I'll be waiting down here at the bottom of the bridge to catch you! Trust me."
I saw a sticker before the 2008 election that read "Voldemort votes Republican". I like that one better.
Given that millionaires and billionaires are some of the only ones with jobs in this country, it makes perfect sense.
Look what those godless lazy commie welfare queens have reduced them to: they have to work for their millions now!
[/ohthehumanity]
Litttle Pink Houses, baby. And no appreciation for sarcasm.
When will the menace of cheesecloth end?!
Muslins wrap their heads in rags. Wisconsinites wrap their cheeses in muslin. Thus, cheeseheads = ragheads.
This gives Scooter an idea: he's going to use Homeland Security to bust the unions. HSA, then RICO laws, when they come to trial.
Today, we are all Ramzi Yousef.
Yes, by all means, "u tell them Joe!!!!" Who you're actually telling or what the fuck you're actually telling them is a complete mystery to anyone not residing in your skull, but do carry on.
Spandex at WalMart. Gag.
Joan? My guess is that the Muslins (sic) that shout when they head to the toilet are middle aged and older. I know that when my plumbing is working as designed, I too give thanks to god.
Your internal plumbing? It is a great day when things are working correctly there. Wish it were as reliable as the porcelain-and-cast-iron system it drains into.
Bumper stickers seen at a nursing home over the weekend: "McCain/Palin 2008," "NASCAR," and "No Government Health Care." The only things missing were TruckNutz, the Confederate flag, and a Hoveround® ramp.
Makes me almost want to tell olds that "Soylent Green" was a documentary.
How much does that nursing-home make off Medicaid & Medicare?
All of it, Katie.
Watch on Muslin men is dropped.
Sounds like Yoda lost a timepiece in a minaret.
Much the same thought I.
Terminated is Obi-wan, Vader says.
"No muslins, no problems."
He couldn't be more right. If it weren't for them meddlin' muslins the Catholics and Protestants would have gotten along. It was muslins who allowed slavery in the South causing civil war and racism and whatnot. Of course WWII would have been settled with a handshake and a brandy snifter instead of those nukes. Damn muslins. Why can't they be more Christian?
That solution of his does sound rather final…
It's all Kunta Kinte's fault.
Mean, hatey, violent, ugly, ignorant and stupid apparently IS the way to go through life. Aw, but ain't that America, something to see, baby, ain't that America, you and me . . . .
It may be you, but it definitely ain't me. And I've seen enough, thank you.
You forgot "obese."
You know, looking at Joe Smith's avatar, I don't really believe he is "skimping and doing without". At least, he's not doing without food, and he's clearly not doing without the internets.
I guess what he's skimping on is time taken for critical thinking, and what he's doing without is intelligence.
That is one honking big fish, that's all I gotta say.
skimping on math. al-jabr is a tool of the Muslin devils.
*blank stare*
(They do that part really well. Doesn't cost them one dime.)
I bet he smokes. Here in rural Virginia people will bitch endlessly about having to do without as they pull out a fresh pack of cigarettes. But it being Virginia, a pack is only about five bucks so smoking a pack a day costs less than two grand a year!
That alone should fix the 25% unemployment in Detroit.
Creeping Sharia, Batman!
Attention, mean, hatey Facebaggers: get off your lazy asses and start your own watch group, then. You're all about government getting out of your lives, then DIY, baby.
but who watches the Watchmen?
The kind folks who contribute to People of Walmart, natch.
"Thank u presnident HUSSIN for skrimping from my mouth for twentyfive day every month and fashist MUSLIM yahoo akbar yelling in tehh toilet bowl, becuse we will NEVER FORGET! 9-11 NEVER FORGET!!"
I see the Algonquin Round Table still thrives.
“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone”
Today, we are all men of the cloth.
Pass the alterboys!
I always thought that alter boys were more of a "duck duck goose" type of situation.
"The media and the powers that be must think the American people are stupid."
Oh, come on…where would they get an idea like that?
The media and the powers that be are ALSO stupid.
The wisdom of Joe Smith ladies and gentlemen….incoherent, disjointed, and lacking any point what-so-ever. Give him a hand.
But please, please, don't give him a ballot.
I've never met Joe Smith but based on his statements he's just another asshole with an opinion with a Facebook page. Which is why I don't like Facebook or Joe Smith because of assholes.
Joe, just shut the fuck up. Also, nice catch. I would recommend blackening that large mouth bass but I know guys like you believe anything blackened means ni**er and you sure don't want them in your community – like muslins.
Once again, my embarrassment and dismay over U.S America could fill a bottomless abyss that is fathomless, also.
Wasn't Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio in that movie?
Girl, you thought he was a man but he was a Muslin….
I wanna be stuffin' Martha's muslin.
Muslin Men is AMC's new show about Garment District executives. The opening credits are frightening, but cool.
Damn it…you beat me to it…
Does Mick Jagger sing the title song? Schmatta, schmatta, schmatta.
Rest assured, this one does not star Jon Hamm.
Or Kevin Bacon.
or Anthony Weiner.
"Guess all Muslin's yells 'Allahu akbar' (God is great when the head to the restroom)"
Well, I certainly do. Restroom head is awesome!
Are you in the Senate?
Or in an airport? And do you love your wife?
"Restroom head is awesome!"
Who knew Larry Craig would be so pissed about being kicked out of the senate that he'd become a wonkeratti! Welcome to the club, Lar'.
Pleasure to be here, DustBowlBlues!
BRB – I hear a tapping, as of some one gently rapping, fapping at my chamber door.
Here it comes: "Obama administration goes soft on terror suspects".
There are muslins in North Korea?
They can't all be godless Communists.
There are both North Koreans and Muslims next door, in Manchuria!
Opposite of Muslin is Christiam.
Down here in the South, they have this Christiam-themed replica of Hollywood's Walk of Fame and if you are an especially adept snake handler they give you a Pentacostar.
Is that Ford's new minivan?
i do not like green eggs and ham.
i do not like them, Christ i am.
Mr. Hobbs, everything I needed to know about Christianity, I learned as an altar boy when Father McGropey touched my weiner. Solution: No Christians, No Problem!
Careful, bot. An alternative no/no-based solution to the Christian-touches-weiner problem would be considerably less attractive.
Maybe this is why I haven't cried yet that the world is ending Saturday…?
The world already ended. On Tuesday, Tecate was $7.99 for a half rack at the Sev. Thursday it was $11.99. The world ended somewhere between Tuesday and Thursday.
I am closing on my 'FIRST' home on Friday and now I think, I should just wait till Monday. You know, the prices may go down because of nice decline in demand.
Yeah, I put off all major purchases until at least May 22nd, because either I can just pick up abandoned stuff for free, or I miscalculated and won't be here anymore.
Muslin men now brought to you by American Tobacco. They had to find someone to replace the Marlboro Man after all.
Nice denin overalls Joe.
I see all of these bitter, racist, angry fucks……and I can't help but smile. Now that Trump has taken his renewal and gone home, they literally have no one but Beck and Fatboy to soothe their quivering, bruised egos. Here's hoping they all go with Beck to his Restore Courage rally in Jerusalem. That will be a recipe for hilarity.
And Beck will be off the TV soon too.
they won't, at the end of the day, Israel is still full of Jooz and we don't mix with those types.
Isn't a large section of the Beck target audience, Holocaust Deniers?
you know what scarier than Muslin ??
ottoman !! furniture terrorism …
I loved watching Mary Tyler Moor live freely in her muslin community in Minneapolis. In rooms filled with Ottomans. Or, Ottomen?
What about the Muslins under my bed and in my closet?
Muslin dust bunnies? Closeted muslins? Kinky.
Everything I needed to know about intolerance I learned from men in denim overalls after 911.
that's overhalls, get your misspellings right.
No so much on the liquid end. Solid relief is what I am trying to delicately refer to.
Wow! I had no idea they are now manufacturing a lens with a wide enough angle to fit Joe Smith into a single picture. Amazing the strides they've made.
Are we still keeping an eye on the Judes?
Don't they also worship Allah and not eat pork?
This is the AP? Fuck the AP. I just got seriously misquoted by one of their reporters who made me sound like I wanted our convict mayor-elect to get a pardon.
PS Arizona Clemency Board evidently doesn't care how many Okie Baptists testify that Mr. Mayor just took Jeebus as his personal savior. To wit: "You haven't even had your gang tatts removed, so fuck you. " (His wife will now run in his place in the special election. I hate the Southern Baptists.)
They didn't actually say "You haven't even had your gang tatts removed, so fuck you", did they? 'Cause that would give me an almost certainly improper level of respect for the Arizona Clemency Board.
Mr. Smith evidently doesn't understand where the oil comes from. No Muslins? No gas!
This is a smart move, as I'm sure there are plenty of Republican men who are perfectly happy to keep an eye on Muslim men and their hot, sweaty, swarthy bodies for free.
I'm going to hazard a guess that when Joe Smith searches "enemy of democracy", his yahoo results are 1. "Gays", 2. "Gays", and 3. "Gays" (algorithms based on old click-throughs for him, obvs)
so it actually made a profit? take that Atlas Shrugged!
Can't all the wonkeratti ban together and demand that apostrophes used incorrectly and random quotes are at least misdemeanors? If I just got that in law, I'd give them a pass on split infinitives.
Joe Smith ate that entire fish after the picture was taken. Right after.
I still watch them Muslins.
I hope so. Been a good long while since we nuked Nevada and New Mexico.
Wow. Joe Smith is so poor he only exists for five or six days each month.
Sadly, these are my neighbors here in the Sovereign State of Dumfuckistan. Got rid of "Sonny" (Land Grab) Perdue for Nathan "Sleazeball" Deal as the Governator. Such dickwads…
cuz where Merkans!
At least we know we're free?
And I'd like to thank the men who died, to give that oil to me.
lol. saw this yesterday. christians act all butthurt in the comments. whatever–she's hot.
http://youtu.be/JA6vRC1xW_c
That is the funniest goddamn thing I have seen for a while. Someone must forward this to Beck.
You want hilarity .. read the comments! Combine equal parts religious insanity and YouTube-level literacy, and STAND BACK!
I blame my job. I really do need to focus more on my eating habits.
Baby carrots, my friend. Two bucks a bag at Safeway, you can bring them to work with you. I even know a guy who used them to help him quit smoking. He turned almost as orange as a Boehner, but he no longer coughs up blood every morning.
Ok, mom. More carrots it is. Maybe some celery too?
OK now that's crazy talk.
New sitcom idea, "My Favorite Muslin." To bad Ray Walston isn't still alive.
So Joe Smith actually manages to get the spelling of "fascist" correct, but then uses an inappropriate apostrophe and misspells Muslim? And he groups Commies with Fascists? And then, Lawson Ron (IF that's his real name) has to use a brazilion exclamation points to make his position clear. This is enough to make a grammar school teacher's head explode.
She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy. But she never said terrorist.
Giving Up on Muslin Men? (Wonkette's next great advertisement)
hey joan, i don't think you mean powers TO be.
but i like the concept.
Scared of the muslins? frightened by silk as a child?
O.M.G.
Historically Muslim countries historically have lots of Christians and other religions. Do Copts and Assyrians have to register? What about Yezidis? Or Mandaeans? What about the half of Israelis who come from Muslim countries?
"back"???
It's the three piece-suit-dividend.
Damask of terror no more.
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