Proto-Bristol Palin: Schwarzenegger Fathered Kid With 'the Help'

• Ten years ago, the Culture of Life was going strong. How do we know this? Arnold Schwarzenegger got one of his maids pregnant a decade ago, and she went through with it, having the kid and pretending her husband was the father. Yay! We're so happy for that maid! Wasn't it great that she Chose Life? She will now get to team up with Bristol Palin (assuming she's not one of those Messicans and can speak English or whatever it is those Palins communicate in) and parade the kid across the country as it TERMINATES teen abortion with all the strength of a grandchild of a Nazi. None of those Kennedy broads-on-the-side ever had a baby, right? That's how you know Arnold is a Republican. And all of this is why his wife left him. [ LAT ]

• The Briton queen is finally visiting Ireland. Does she have a death wish? Don't those people hate her? Yes: A bomb was found on a bus, and multiple threats have shut down parts of London. People getting worked up about a powerless old lady in a hat with little dogs is why America is still kicking Europe's ass. [ Guardian ]

• Tommy Thompson is running for U.S. Senate. Okay, there are people less powerful than that old British pensioner. [ Politico ]

• Thailand has more tigers than everyone thought! It must be hiding these Tigers of Mass Destruction in secret facilities! Time to bomb those lady-men so we fight those tigers over there, not here. [ Guardian ]