THE BEST RECOMMENDATION OF THE KORAN  1:25 pm May 13, 2011

Officials Uncover Osama Bin Laden’s Inevitable Porn Stash

by Jack Stuef

Here is a totally random porn cover we found totally at random that of course is unrelated to this story. Totally random.Hmm, Osama bin Laden was 1) a male who 2) sat around his house all day. Whatever could he have been up to? Oh, just THE most covert masturbation sessions in all of human history. That’s right—there was a porn stash in bin Laden’s compound. It was “extensive.” Oh no! Why did we heathen Americans have to make sexual intercourse so alluring to bin Ladne’s body? Now he’ll never get into heaven. He was so close to getting into heaven! “The pornography recovered in bin Laden’s compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, consists of modern, electronically recorded video.” He had video equipment and liked porn; there is hope for an Osama bin Laden sextape after all! (Maybe it’s that one John Edwards made?)

Specifically, the officials said they did not know if bin Laden himself had acquired or viewed the materials.

Surely there is some, uh, DNA on it that they can test? C’mon, OFFICIALS, this is important.

Unfortunately, there is no description of what kind of porn bin Laden liked, because the people at Reuters are really bad at their jobs. But we can think of two options:

  • Pathetic, low-quality VHS tapes recorded off Cinemax and sold by a Turkish teenager on eBay
  • Disgusting shit that is very illegal in this country

Obviously, those are two equally good, very likely options. That’s why he stayed at large for so many years—he always kept you guessing. And he had a pretty good way to deal with stress. [Reuters]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 212 comments }

Barb May 13, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Burquas gone wild!

weejee May 13, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Peak a burquas, obvs.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 13, 2011 at 11:33 pm

You know, it's probably a real challenge to get up-burqua clips.

PabaBritannica May 13, 2011 at 1:28 pm

"He had video equipment and liked porn; there is hope for an Osama bin Laden sextape after all! (Maybe it’s that one John Edwards made?)"

No, he's wanking it to the lost Michelle Obama "Whitey God Damn America" Tape.

lulzmonger May 14, 2011 at 11:40 pm

This comment was deleted due to a restraining order from Chief Editor Korir.

Barb May 13, 2011 at 1:29 pm

"Weapons of Ass Destruction"

GOPCrusher May 13, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Think I've seen that. Didn't it star Lexington Steele and Ryan Conner?

Frost/Nixon/Robocop May 13, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I don't want to know what he was into. If it's the same stuff I'm into, I'll feel bad.

nicnack74 May 13, 2011 at 1:30 pm

You know what they say, "A burqua in the streets, a freak in the sheets!"

Bow chicka bow wow…

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 2:48 am

Coincidentially, a burqa doubles as a sheet.

Tengu May 13, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Obama, release the Bin Laden photos now!

jqheywood May 13, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Not the ones of him….his pron!

undeterredbyreality May 13, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Yeah, but did he have a Fleshlight ™?

V572..whatever May 13, 2011 at 1:31 pm

"Too Hot for Al Jazeera"

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 2:49 am

That stuff must be flamming, then, 'cause al Jazeera will show just about any damned thing.

memzilla May 13, 2011 at 1:31 pm

I thought bin Laden had a beard, not a porn 'stache.

axmxz May 13, 2011 at 1:32 pm

I demand the release of the Bin Laden release photos!

vodkamuppet May 13, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Zing!

Schmannnity May 13, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Proving that no matter how many wives you have . . .

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 3:48 pm

…every once in awhile, you want the strange stuff.

exmartinette May 13, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Nailin' Palin.

arihaya May 13, 2011 at 1:33 pm

pics or it doesn't happen …

* preferably explicit one

simplyblue7 May 13, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Damn it Mainstream Media! Stop finding things we have in common with the enemy!

Goonemeritus May 13, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Well worn Leather Nun comics?

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum May 13, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Snuff films, obvs.

axmxz May 13, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Osama Bin Fappin'.

Lucidamente1 May 13, 2011 at 1:34 pm

That's how the Navy SEALs got in so quickly: they knocked on the door and said "Pizza Delivery."

edgydrifter May 13, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Extensive pr0n collection? Today we are I am all Osama Bin Laden.

Chillwaver May 13, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Al Jizzera?

SmutBoffin May 13, 2011 at 1:35 pm

That's a lot of kosher beefcake.

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 2:01 pm

You want to frisk that brisket?

sportshort May 13, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Schmannnity May 13, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Ironically, while Bush was reading My Pet Goat, Bin Ladin was watching it.

DustBowlBlues May 13, 2011 at 1:54 pm

OT–The Old Man came storming out of the home theater one night, yelling about Brian Williams. It was just after the Navy Seal OBL snuff film wrapped, and Williams had drawn a comparison between how cool and steely was at the Corres. Dinner, and Bush on 9/11. When informed the nation was under attack he stayed composed and didn't let on that anything was wrong. The media had no clue–except half the fucking media was in NYC and watching the Towers come down.

Bush sat there, looking for all the world like an adolescent waiting for the grownups to tell him what to do.

The MSM's attempt to stay "balanced" is ludicrous.

neiltheblaze May 13, 2011 at 2:29 pm

I just gotta say, I'm totally down with Mr. Dust Bowl – I fucking despise Brian Williams. He has all the human perception of a garden slug.

deanbooth May 13, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Williams isn't too bright. In an interview of him on C-Span in 2004:

"I do listen to Rush. I listen to it from a radio in my office, or depending on my day, if I'm in the car, I will listen to Rush. And he will tell you I've been listening for years. I think it's my duty to listen to Rush. I think Rush has actually yet to get the credit he is due, because his audience for so many years felt they were in the wilderness of this country. No one was talking to them."

GOPCrusher May 13, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Hard to talk to someone that is screaming at you.

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 3:15 pm

"And he will tell you I've been listening for years."

That's because Brian Williams bought one of those "special" radios that let's the radio show host know you're listening.

At least that's what the salesman at Best Buy claimed…

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Dick and Rummy told Bush there would probably just be a "few" deaths in some "small" attack that they needed to justify invading Iraq.

Bush was probably just shocked about how well Dick and Rummy's plan suceeded…

mourningnmerica May 13, 2011 at 3:07 pm

B-E-S-T, and there were a lot of good ones.

PuckStopsHere May 13, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Internet is now closed.

TheSheriffsNear May 13, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Pure win. This is the most deft comment of the thread that started of with LoL's.

<Slow clap>

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 2:53 am

Game over, y'all. The future has been won, and many times over, in fact.

WhatTheHeck May 13, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Then there was that video of his: “How to do 72 virgins after the big Bang.”

freakishlywrong May 13, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Awottabod.

vodkamuppet May 13, 2011 at 1:37 pm

So this whole time we could have lured him out of hiding with the promise of sex with a nubile young teen and some cookies?

neiltheblaze May 13, 2011 at 2:30 pm

"Whitney Houstongram for Mr. Bin Laden!"

the[redacted]goeson May 14, 2011 at 9:59 am

Or B52's-gram from what I've heard…

BlueMonkeh May 13, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Or iced tea. Don't they always have iced tea on To Catch a Predator?

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Lemonade. Either non-alcohol-infused or Mike's Hard variety.

vodkamuppet May 14, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Usually the John brings the wine coolers.

vodkamuppet May 14, 2011 at 12:22 pm

"come on in, I'm just folding some laundry. Sit down and have some iced tea and cookies while I change into this bikini". Just once I'd like to see a guy bolt for the door upon hearing those two sentences.

owhatever May 13, 2011 at 1:37 pm

In the well-worn stack of porn was Dancin' with the Stars, the Bristol years. He fantacized of covering her with a burka. But, most of us did.

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 3:10 pm

You're right: some women do look much slimmer in burqas!

Callyson May 13, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Osama Does Dallas.
Also, Hamid Karzai and Benazir Bhutto…together at last!

Weenus299 May 13, 2011 at 1:38 pm

"NINE ELEVEN WAS AN INSIDE HAND JOB"

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 3:11 pm

AND 7-ELEVEN HAS GREAT SLURPEES!

tessiee May 13, 2011 at 1:39 pm

The caption of that picture should say "Men of Jersey Shore"…
Although I'd settle for "men of Tessie's household staff", heh heh heh…

axmxz May 13, 2011 at 1:39 pm

I bet the guy who unwittingly picked up the jerking tape scrubbed his hands raw in the sink. "Unclean! Unclean!"

mirrorballdc May 13, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Ass-Packin' Stan

OneDollarJuana May 13, 2011 at 1:39 pm

"Iraq or Your Rack?"
"Invading Assghanistan"

baconzgood May 13, 2011 at 1:39 pm

See there are some things that are capable of uniting mankind in peace….It's watching two chick getting it on!

Troubledog May 13, 2011 at 1:40 pm

I guess a guy with balls big enough to blow up the WTC, three wives wouldn't be enough to even take the edge off.

I mean, what do you even DO after you pull that off? You just realized your life's goal, all your dreams, and now you are hiding in a suburb in Pakistan playing Xbox and beating off just like the rest of us.

widestanceroman May 13, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Sixty Nine Eleven

Weenus299 May 13, 2011 at 1:41 pm

"Anal Jizzeera."

RadioPlasticSurgery May 13, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Who knew he was a Santorum fan?

Barb May 13, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Wonder if there was any gay porn? "Gerani 'Mo"

V572..whatever May 13, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Look at it this way: it took the SEALs about 30 minutes to kill him and grab all the stuff. It's taken them more than a week to find the porn. The dude had taken some precautions that even gave NSA a challenge.

flamingpdog May 13, 2011 at 2:09 pm

It's taken them more than a week to watch all the porn. Corrected.

prommie May 13, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Somebody had to do it.

WABishop May 13, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Be all you can be.

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 2:55 am

In the Navy!

V572..whatever May 13, 2011 at 1:42 pm

No wonder his wives were uncooperative in their "interviews" with US agents.

flamingpdog May 13, 2011 at 1:42 pm

All the hawt virgins in the pron wear Muslin teddies.

widestanceroman May 13, 2011 at 1:44 pm

We should keep in mind that videos promising facials simply means there were full frontal faces shown.

Weenus299 May 13, 2011 at 1:44 pm

"Boya Toya."

Weenus299 May 13, 2011 at 1:45 pm

"Grand ta-tas mo."

DustBowlBlues May 13, 2011 at 1:45 pm

And inspired the oldest of his, what, 86 children to go into the family business.

proudgrampa May 13, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Our top story tonight: Osama bin Laden is STILL DEAD!!!!

JustPixelz May 13, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Please oh please oh please tell me he has the documentary "Who's Nailin' Paylin"

SorosBot May 13, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Once again proving that bin Laden was a total wanker, and a master at baiting the US.

Barb May 13, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Watch out for that "master of baiting" You'll go blind (in one eye, at least)

SorosBot May 13, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Though shooting was nice, it would have been cool if the SEALs had killed him by hand; a job like that would be satisfying, since Osama was such a jerk. Off with his head!

FlownOver May 13, 2011 at 4:09 pm

ISWYDT

freakishlywrong May 13, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Talibuns

jqheywood May 13, 2011 at 2:00 pm

of Steele?

Oooh, now I need to wash a really disgusting picture of Michael Steele out of my brain….

weejee May 13, 2011 at 5:36 pm

They live in Wakawankerstan.

BaldarTFlagass May 13, 2011 at 1:48 pm

"Ass-Ramadaning"

Schmannnity May 13, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Waziristan. More like Wankerstan.

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Then I… Wazir'd… In… My Pants.

flamingpdog May 13, 2011 at 1:49 pm

"Ali Fappa and the Forty Beavs"

samsuncle May 13, 2011 at 1:50 pm

The Seals knew there had to be a porn stash when they discovered Cheeto dust on bin Laden's penis.

johnnymeatworth May 13, 2011 at 1:50 pm

We can only hope there's handwritten stories about him teabagging Michele Bachmann while she misinterprets the Constitution….

baconzgood May 13, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I'll Jizz Here.

SayItWithWookies May 13, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Bin Laden's porn stash is so unremarkable, he's even got a copy of Mitch Daniels' sex tape.

SarahsBush May 13, 2011 at 1:51 pm

This is why have a friend who's going to hide my porn when I die.

jqheywood May 13, 2011 at 2:03 pm

256-bit public key encryption, baby…

widestanceroman May 13, 2011 at 1:52 pm

When will they discover his Wonkette screen name?

Steverino247 May 13, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Spanky2b, I think it was…

FlownOver May 13, 2011 at 4:13 pm

I'm going with "Ken Layne."

Grief_Lessons May 13, 2011 at 4:52 pm

What day did we last see Arielle Fleisher?

Omophagist May 13, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Wrong, his favorite was clearly "The One Thousand and One Cunts of Scheherazade."

BaldarTFlagass May 13, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Aladdin's Magical Tramp

jqheywood May 13, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Starring Mittens!

neiltheblaze May 13, 2011 at 1:54 pm

We all may have our political and cultural differences, but if there's one thing that brings us all together – it's porn.

I hope now the closeted, sexually repressed Evangelicals realize there is more that unites them with OBL than divides them.

WIDTAP May 13, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Need I say the obvious? Osama bin Laden was into hentai tentacle sex.

Schmannnity May 13, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Sex whenever he wanted it. Unlimited weed. Porn stash. Other than no cable and beer on draft, it sounds a lot like community college slackerdom.

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Chevy Chase will play bin Laden in the movie — & get an Oscar nom!

BZ1 May 13, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Which ones are the virgins?

MistaEko May 13, 2011 at 1:57 pm

At some point, we all realize that a nice half hour alone to self-tug to videos is much more worth it than an eternity of awkward entry, failure to launch, and confusion with virgins.

Hear me, jihadis! Convert to Ekoism and be greeted by 72 college juniors who have been around the block!

Weenus299 May 13, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Sooner or later those virgins will get shrill and make him clean the garage of paradise.

vodkamuppet May 13, 2011 at 2:13 pm

I'd take a college junior who hates her dad over a virgin any day.

Tundra Grifter May 13, 2011 at 2:58 pm

If all the college juniors were laid end to end it would be Saturday night.

(Thank you Dorothy Parker!)

Weenus299 May 13, 2011 at 1:57 pm

"Rest-stop O"

mourningnmerica May 13, 2011 at 3:19 pm

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

flamingpdog May 13, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Isn't it about time for Wonkette Supreme Sexpert Sara B to weigh in on the matter?

mereoblivion May 13, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Osama Bin Laden
Took a break from maraudin'
And stone cold jihadin'
(Didn't take that much proddin')
But his wives stopped applaudin'
And he felt kinda rodden
'Cause his shorts got all sodden
And the pron seemed so ploddin'–
But now this "poet" be noddin'.

jqheywood May 13, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Tora! Tora! Bore-ah?

BaldarTFlagass May 13, 2011 at 1:59 pm

One Thousand and One Sluts , translated by Sir Richard Spurtin'

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Conveniently, all the porn was labelled as Property of Salvador Allende Ferdinand Marcos Manuel Noriega Osama bin Laden.

sezme May 13, 2011 at 2:05 pm

(AP)
Using intermediaries and inexpensive computer disks, Osama bin Laden managed to look at Internet porn while in hiding, without leaving a digital fingerprint for US eavesdroppers to find, it has been revealed.

His system was painstakingly slow, but allowed him to become a prolific wanker despite not having internet or phone lines running to his compound.

It also left an extensive archive of pornographic images for the US to scour. The electronic records are revealing thousands of images and potentially hundreds of porn sites.

Holed up in his walled compound, bin Laden would type a URL, then save it using a thumb-sized flash drive. He then passed the flash drive to a trusted courier, who would head for a distant internet cafe.

At that location, the courier would plug the memory drive into a computer, copy bin Laden's URL into a web browser and hit Enter. Reversing the process, the courier would copy any thumbnails to the flash drive and return to the compound, where bin Laden would instruct the courier which images to click. Having successfully downloaded a number of full sized images, he would finally achieve satisfaction offline.

It was a slow, toilsome process. And it was so meticulous that even veteran intelligence officials have marvelled at bin Laden's ability to maintain it for so long.

Tundra Grifter May 13, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Business Most Urgent!

Dear Sir:

Please forgive a stranger writing to you. I have a financial matter of the utmost confidentiality to impart, and can no longer trust my closest associates.

My late father, the shiek, died leaving $100,000,000 in oil and gas revenues in a non-interest-bearing bank account in Dubai…

Gopherit May 13, 2011 at 2:08 pm

orgasms while wearing suicide vests are a tricky thing.

and why can i only picture a bunch of burkha'd taliban hotties showing some ankle and catching prayer beads?

widestanceroman May 13, 2011 at 2:13 pm

It was just hundreds and hundreds of copies of 'The Bodyguard.'

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 2:15 pm

GhalibsList.Pk.

KeepFnThatChicken May 13, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Sunni and Shia, along with Drew I. Slam, star in the Casablanca rewrite, Everybody Comes At Rick's

pinkocommi May 13, 2011 at 2:18 pm

"Hmm, Osama bin Laden was 1) a male who 2) sat around his house all day."

I'm thinking there is also a ginormous stash of hashish and Doritos. They're there. The US just has to keep looking.

SorosBot May 13, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Also lots of video games and really cheap bear; probably either Milwaukee's Best or Pabst Blue Ribbon. The place were probably covered in "ironic" posters with jokes about beer and half-naked women.

axmxz May 13, 2011 at 5:10 pm

…Is the really cheap bear also a porn thing, or what?

starfanglednut May 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Oh, and don't forget the dogs playing poker!

FNMA May 13, 2011 at 3:26 pm

And that's why he spent a good part of the day watching himself on TV and telling his buddies, "That motherfucker on the TV looks just like me."

DerrickWildcat May 13, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Ummm, how much is, "extensive?" Is it more or less than a shitload?

SudsMcKenzie May 13, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Whatever you and I have, divide by 2.

drrty_martini May 13, 2011 at 4:21 pm

And encyclopedic collection would have been more interesting.

jaytingle May 13, 2011 at 2:24 pm

No fair. Any woman can do a bukkake reel if she's wearing a burqua.

obfuscator2 May 13, 2011 at 2:28 pm

looks like praying wasn't the only thing dude was doing five times a day. if he was a multi-tasker, i'd be wary when handling his prayer rug.

teebob2000 May 13, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Hey, if they frown on showing or depicting women in any form in media, how could they have porn??

Ohhhhhhhhh, THAT kind of porn. Yikes.

Tundra Grifter May 13, 2011 at 2:55 pm

When he died did they play "Faps?"

flamingpdog May 13, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Letters to Repenthouse?

Nopantsmcgee May 13, 2011 at 3:04 pm

The Story of 'O'.

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Let's see. A man who "hated" America, yet loved Pepsi, Coke & Porn.

The 3 most American exports. USA! USA! USA!

Next, we're gonna find out he loved to sneek out to the local Abbadad McDonalds in drag…

RavenRant May 13, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Casual non-porn question: Do the men of Wonkette just casually stick their thumb in their speedos the way the 'Man of Israel' on the left is doing?

Can't really 'splain my curiosity. Just wondering.

flamingpdog May 13, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Unlike the girly man in the photo, men of Wonkette have no need to point out the (obvious) location of their p-ness.

Zvi_Bleindmeis May 13, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Sniff my thumbdrive.

mourningnmerica May 13, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Does this mean I'm a terrorist?

LesBontemps May 13, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Only to your tube socks.

RavenRant May 13, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Also, how long before we see the 'Men of Wonkette' calendar?

vulpes82 May 13, 2011 at 3:18 pm

They'll have to get the Riley pictures from Breitbart.

Limeylizzie May 13, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Please, please the women of Wonkette would love to see that.

RavenRant May 14, 2011 at 12:15 am

At least, I think we would…

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 3:09 am

When Sarah Palin apologizes for being a dick. So…never, I guess.

Also, only after the Real/Despreate Housewives of Wonkette put out a reality show. also.

mourningnmerica May 13, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Wait. Just wait… a… minute…here. Does this mean that it is UnAmerican, or worse, UnPatriotic, to jack off? Shit……………wait…………………what………….Fuuuuuck……….I gotta ruminate on this….

vulpes82 May 13, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Michael Lucas porn, Jack? Meh. I mean, it looks good, but maybe it looks TOO good? It's a bit sleek and aesthetic and soulless for my tastes. Plus, gay Republican and Islamophobe Michael Lucas insists on putting himself and his lips in his movies, which is a turn-off. Now if Steven Scarborough wanted to put himself in his movies… well, that would be a different story.

GOPCrusher May 13, 2011 at 3:23 pm

You've peaked my interest. I would like to see an example of this "Disgusting shit that is very illegal in this country".

Biel_ze_Bubba May 13, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Only selected Congressional leaders will be shown the porn stash.

mourningnmerica May 13, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I Slam A Wad

RavenRant May 13, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Yeah, because women's abject subservience is the key to contentment.

RavenRant May 13, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Ah, Wonkette. Always something to learn here.

BTWBFDIMHO May 13, 2011 at 3:45 pm

He's always taking justice into his own hands.

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 3:46 pm

"The discovery of pornography taken during raids on Islamic militants is not uncommon, officials told Reuters."

Hey, if Abdullah won't do it, her sister camel will…

WordSaladNation May 13, 2011 at 3:50 pm

They also found the Levi Johnston issue of Playgirl under his mattress.

dailyworldwatch May 13, 2011 at 3:50 pm

"Here I come after the Bush…"

sezme May 13, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Osama at the Al Qaeda supply store: I'll take 3 blankets, a goat, 5 burkhas, 10 copies of the holy Koran, a beard trimmer, a copy The Economist. Let's see, I'll take Time Magazine, The Guardian, and I'll just take one of these.

Cashier [shouting]: Hey, Akhmed, how much is a copy of Orgasm?

Osama: Just put it in the bag.

Cashier: Yeah, ORGASM. Mr. bin Laden wants to buy a copy.

Osama: Oh, never mind.

SaintRond May 13, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I keep getting these images of a woman wearing a bag over her head with big tits and Daisy Duke shorts covered in soap and washing a goat. It's kind of hot, in a National Geographic sort of way. I mean, I used to jack off to that stuff when I was about 11. Now I just get off watching industrial fires, but I thought he was into that shit too. Oh well.

mavenmaven May 13, 2011 at 4:03 pm

perhaps he was scouting for wife number 4?

FlownOver May 13, 2011 at 4:05 pm

OK, my turn…

You know who else had an extensive porn stash in his compound?

trondant May 13, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Hugh Hefner?

jqheywood May 13, 2011 at 4:25 pm

"Dick" Cheney?

Steverino247 May 13, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Ben Franklin?

GOPCrusher May 13, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Tom Selleck?

BTWBFDIMHO May 13, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Justice Thomas?

flamingpdog May 13, 2011 at 5:45 pm

David Koresh?

Zvi_Bleindmeis May 13, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Pee-wee Herman?

littlebigdaddy May 13, 2011 at 4:06 pm

So I guess there's no "uncut" action in that MoI vid?

fuflans May 13, 2011 at 4:09 pm

porn: the crossroads of all cultures.

An_Outhouse May 13, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Plus the whole Jews being circumcised thing probably turns him off.

Zvi_Bleindmeis May 13, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Muslim males are circumcised, too. And they don't call it "porking" in either tradition, I believe.

fuflans May 13, 2011 at 4:10 pm

yes and many women and men of wonkette thank you for that, jack.

GOPCrusher May 13, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Although, that would be a good way to hide in plain sight.

guangho May 13, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Attabadboys.

GOPCrusher May 13, 2011 at 4:31 pm

It's been along time since I've debauched or have been debauched. * sigh *

wondering where i am May 13, 2011 at 4:55 pm

They said it was "very extensive"–his porn collection that is. Are there THAT many videos of boys and goats? And were any animals harmed in the making of these films? I like goats!

axmxz May 13, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Apparently, so did bin Laden!

Warpde May 13, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Before commenting on this artical I need to make a full discloser.
In that in the picture, ladies, I'm the one on the left.

DrunkIrishman May 13, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Tora Whora

weejee May 13, 2011 at 5:32 pm

And Lindsey Graham has dibs on a reanimated original dear Florence of Arabia.

weejee May 13, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Has anyone looked to see if OBL was trading porn with Clarence Thomas?

flamingpdog May 13, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Look for the Coke cans in his bedroom.

weejee May 13, 2011 at 11:16 pm

Cokus Pubis?

Limeylizzie May 13, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Win

icanhazpbr May 13, 2011 at 7:05 pm

So a guy who crashed penis-shaped flying machines into gigantic steel erections had a porn obsession? Go figure.

UW8316154 May 13, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Well, he had goats living in the compound with him. Coincidence??

UW8316154 May 13, 2011 at 7:54 pm

To be fair, I too have spent entire weekends in my house doing nothing but masturbating.

WinterOuthouse May 13, 2011 at 8:57 pm

I dunno. Needs moar pasties

ttommyunger May 13, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Watching porn and stroking your moker? Meh. Call me when someone achieves orgasm the George W. Bush way: sitting in a sink full of cottage cheese and playing the Harmonica.

flamingpdog May 13, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Um, pictures or GTFO. No, on second thought, no pics.

ttommyunger May 14, 2011 at 9:10 am

Sound track maybe, with Banjo accompaniment?

Biel_ze_Bubba May 13, 2011 at 11:54 pm

I didn't think anybody knew about that.

ttommyunger May 14, 2011 at 9:12 am

Inquiring minds want to know.

DrunkIrishman May 14, 2011 at 12:20 am

Fa-Twat

TheMeatmaker May 14, 2011 at 1:30 am

"Identical Twin Towers #7."

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 2:46 am

It's got to be camel porn, lots and lots of camel porn. Want to see a camel show?

flamingpdog May 14, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Filmed on the cheap, in a used camel lot.

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 2:49 am

He was also fond of "A-booty-bad!"

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 2:51 am

Jizzlam FTW!

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 3:01 am

SWAT-that-ass Valley?

Debbie Does Damascus?

Tea-Bag-Dahddi?

al-Jizzia?

Maur-a-taint-than-ya?

A-Rack Iran to?

fartknocker May 14, 2011 at 5:37 am

He and Hitler are hopefully sitting around comparing their former respective porn stashes, since Adolf had the same issues:
http://www.greatenjoy.com/2011/01/25/5-hidden-fac

HistoriCat May 14, 2011 at 9:31 am

Twin Golden Showers.

C_R_Eature May 14, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Has anyone considered the likelihood that it’s the Wives Porn?
Think about it. You’re stuck inside a crappy plastered high walled concertina wire-topped prison in a tourist town, with a megalomaniacal husband who only wants to talk about Mayhem & World Domination, 14 kids and 2 other wives. No phone or Internet, no booze, all the good dope is outside the wall and Hubby’s always hogging the TV watching himself on tape. The Brothers and the odd assorted couriers are too afraid of OBL to properly grope you behind the Mother-in Law Suite. Nothing to relieve the tension but to rub one off on a regular basis. Hell, I’d buy OBL having to have the Girly Porn drop shipped in just to keep the peace.
I’m waiting for the inevitable Big Box of Dicks revelation. I’ll bet that the only reason we haven’t so far is that there were too many for the Seals to stuff inside the helos and the Pakistani Bomb Squad blew them up, thinking they were Bangalore Torpedos.

MiniMencken May 14, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I understand the door to Bin Laden's house was green.

lulzmonger May 14, 2011 at 11:43 pm

2 Wives, 1 Hijjab

qualityshows May 15, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Wow, I just realized that I predicted they'd "find" a porn stash. Along with other stuff almost as ridiculous as the reality, whatever that may be:

The "Tupac of Terror" Osama Bin Laden Posts New Posthumous Video
http://wp.me/pKBYM-z5

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