Mitt Romney Slams Obama By Saying How Great Both Their Health Plans Are

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  • Mitt Romney has a HUGE liability in the Republican presidential race: He once helped people who needed health insurance get it, so their health and finances wouldn’t be ruined simply because their fellow citizens didn’t care if they died. Whoops! Doesn’t he know his party faithful hates protecting the lives of people who aren’t fetuses? Yesterday, he finally tried to defend his plan, but he just made things worse, endorsing the individual mandate and all the other fundamental features that underpin both plans, while paying lip service to disliking Obamacare with a few vague attacks. Mitt Romney has been found out: He’s not strong enough a man to watch and laugh while the health of some unprivileged citizens suffers needlessly. And it’s ruining him. [National Review]
  • Hey, it’s this old headline again: “Japanese Reactor Damage Is Worse Than Expected.” But it’s May. Ugh. Here’s the “good” news: The fuel rods have been exposed for so long, releasing so much radiation, that the little guys have probably gotten tired and cooled off. They’ve been working really hard giving everyone cancer! If anyone deserves a rest, it’s those fuel rods. (Note: C’mon, the company is probably lying about the fuel rods being done.) [NYT]
  • Superman apparently likes America again, praising its allowance for “second chances.” Apparently he has not seen politics in 2011, where the game is to find people, even complete nobodies, who may differ with you on certain issues, and try to completely destroy their lives. But what does he know? He doesn’t exist. [Bleeding Cool]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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