it's morning in america

Mitt Romney Slams Obama By Saying How Great Both Their Health Plans Are

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiibruuuuuuuuuuuuulllllllll

  • Mitt Romney has a HUGE liability in the Republican presidential race: He once helped people who needed health insurance get it, so their health and finances wouldn’t be ruined simply because their fellow citizens didn’t care if they died. Whoops! Doesn’t he know his party faithful hates protecting the lives of people who aren’t fetuses? Yesterday, he finally tried to defend his plan, but he just made things worse, endorsing the individual mandate and all the other fundamental features that underpin both plans, while paying lip service to disliking Obamacare with a few vague attacks. Mitt Romney has been found out: He’s not strong enough a man to watch and laugh while the health of some unprivileged citizens suffers needlessly. And it’s ruining him. [National Review]
  • Hey, it’s this old headline again: “Japanese Reactor Damage Is Worse Than Expected.” But it’s May. Ugh. Here’s the “good” news: The fuel rods have been exposed for so long, releasing so much radiation, that the little guys have probably gotten tired and cooled off. They’ve been working really hard giving everyone cancer! If anyone deserves a rest, it’s those fuel rods. (Note: C’mon, the company is probably lying about the fuel rods being done.) [NYT]
  • Superman apparently likes America again, praising its allowance for “second chances.” Apparently he has not seen politics in 2011, where the game is to find people, even complete nobodies, who may differ with you on certain issues, and try to completely destroy their lives. But what does he know? He doesn’t exist. [Bleeding Cool]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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179 comments

  1. comrad_darkness

    Republicans with half a tattered human soul still beating in their breast sure have a hard time campaigning against themselves.

    1. Negropolis

      We're at the place where we need a "Republicans say the darndest things" television show.

  2. donner_froh

    Mittens could grab the Kock-sucker nomination if he went full class-war and apologized for allowing poor people to get health care and not simply dying, the way god designed it.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      But, if the population shrinks, more people dying, younger, & in their dying days & months pretty much bed-ridden & unable to consume, who's going to line the Kochs's pockets? While I'm sure they have a finger or two in defense contracting, there's only so much they can make without drivers to buy gasoline, homemakers to buy paper-towels, etc. Or, is Koch Industries expanding in caskets & crematoria?

      1. Boredw/Gravitas

        They apparently don't have the capacity to think that far ahead. Their main concern right now is to get rid of those profit-sapping unions and their "fair living wage" and create a permanent underclass.

        1. DahBoner

          Agree.

          "Libertarians" and Republicans have the mentality of 12 year olds.

          They come up with a idea, and they can't think 2 steps ahead to the consequences.

          You know, like Laws of Physics or Cause and Effect…

      2. zhubajie

        Who says the Kochs are smart? They will end up going too far and screwing themselves as thoroughly as the buffalo hunters did.

    2. GOPCrusher

      But Romney's strategy may just work. He claims that what he did was for the good of the people, what Obama did was nothing more than a greedy power grab.
      I'm waiting for to explain, how our Urban President could have been power grabbing when the majority of his health care plan won't take effect until late in his second term.

    3. Omophagist

      The best way for Romney to grab it would be if he took a poor, uninsured minority person who was dying of cancer out to international waters and then personally strangled him/her to death with his own hands live on a streaming webcast. It's the only surefire way to let the "family values" base to know he shares their moral values of unmitigated hatred for all living things.

  3. Goonemeritus

    There is no way any Republican without an unimpeachably evil record can hope to win the primary.

  4. ablington

    The beltway media already seems to be glomming onto John Huntsman as the new, fresh Mormon slightly less insane male GOP candidate with amazing hair. Poor Mittens (and T-Paw).

    1. V572..whatever

      And Ensign…best Republican hair evah! Now, alas, another lost soul. "Put your pants on and go home!" When Santorum is telling you that, it's hard to ever regain your dignity.

    2. horsedreamer_1

      Plus, even the most Evangelic of the Tea-baggers will support Huntsman, since his father designed the clamshell container that is used to host the Big Macs & other Mc D's goodness the 'Baggers crave.

      1. finallyhappy

        in the ancient days when I was young(I am so old- I remember when the first McD's opened in the Philly burbs) and ate MCds- burgers were wrapped in paper and fries came in a little open bag.

    3. BerkeleyBear

      But don't forget, he actually worked with Obama, he doesn't hate ghey people and he actually supports government intervention on things like infrastructure improvements. Evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Nor does he deny (anthropogenic) global climate change. In fact, Utah under Huntsman signed an accord with Schwarzenegger's California in an effort to slow/reverse AGCC.

      1. Negropolis

        I don't see how you can take a job from a sitting president – an ambassador job, no less – and then run against him. I'm not totally on the whole thing about folks having to be completely loyal to a president they serve under (see: Nixon), but something about this potential run just feels so disrespectful, kind of like him saying "thanks for nothing" to his boss, that it makes me think WAY less of him on a character level.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          Salmon Chase, passed over by the GOP in favor of Lincoln, tried to manuver to supplant him in 1864 while still serving in the Cabinet. He finally was elbowed out, only to become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

          And McClellan, relieved of command for ineffectiveness and inaction, got the Dem nomination. Now that's backbiting ingratitude.

          Huntsman was a GOP rising star when he got tapped, and he never promised not to run. And he actually did the job pretty well by most accounts. But I suspect he's really pointing to 2016, so I'm not too bothered.

  5. metamarcisf

    Orrin Hatch speaking at a Tea Party rally: "Last night I shot a rhinoceros in my undergarments. How he got in my undergarments, I don't know!"

  6. carlgt1

    funny – in the Repuke party, if in your entire career you've done just ONE good thing for the people and not just corporations, you're considered an evil commie

  7. noodlesalad

    Mittens needs to emphasize his strengths in strapping diarrhetic dog to automobile roofs and promise the same for the poors. That's federalism we can believe in.

    1. riverside68

      It is my understanding that the dog was not diarrhetic before the 500 mile ride on the roof.

      Wouldn't want to be placing unnecessary limitations on Mitten's strap-on creds.

      Who knows maybe a good purge is what the poors need, might save on health care costs.

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    Ever notice how much Mitt Romney resembles that other incredibly pliable, flexible character, Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four?

    1. OC_Thug_Serf

      Ever notice that Mittens says "Washington Politician" like he just drank vinegar, yet the fucker spent his entire life trying to be in power in Washington…

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Irony knows not GOP.

        It's like Rick Snyder's & Scott Walker's despotic agenda in the Upper Midwest: all government is bad, & must be shrunken, except for my government.

      1. SorosBot

        Though I haven't seen any evidence that he has a young son who can alter reality, or a toddler daughter who is the world's smartest person and talks like an adult.

          1. SorosBot

            Because then you'd find yourself on another Earth designed by Rob Liefeld, where every man has impossibly huge muscles, every woman giant breasts and waists four inches wide, and everyone wears shoulder pads and has tiny, tiny feet.

    2. riverside68

      I am going with the flame-on character (I am not willing to admit I am nerdy enough to know his name).

      I believe Mittens is flaming out as we speak.

  9. OneDollarJuana

    Doesn’t he know his party faithful hates protecting the lives of people who aren’t fetuses or RICH?

    /fixed

  10. Terry

    Regarding the Japanese reactor, it's time we stop having any optimistic expectations at all. It should be considered a complete and utter disaster that contaminated the air, water, and land both in the local area to an extensive degree and a good section of the hemisphere to a lesser degree. The only positive thing you can say about the events related to the Fukushima reactor is that it's not Chernobyl.

    1. V572..whatever

      Coincidentally, that's going to be Romney's campaign slogan: Not as Bad as Chernobyl!

    2. CapeClod

      I have to say that I found it hard to be optomistic about the chances of bringing the problem under control after buildings at the site started esploding.

    3. Native_of_SL_UT

      The only positive thing you can say about the events related to the Fukushima reactor is that it's slightly easier to pronounce than Chernobyl.

    4. Beck_is_Trig

      Actually, Fukushima could prove to be much worse than Chernobyl, they just found radioactive seaweed 40 miles out to sea…the difference is Chernobyl was landlocked and its blown debris affected comparitively fewer people than Fukushima can. It's the ocean currents here that are going to be the real problem, Fukushima is going to mutate us all. Dibs on the huge dong mutation…

      1. Terry

        Chernobyl left radioactive material in places like wetlands along the rivers. As those erode over time, the nucleotides keep getting released back into the food web/food supply.

        The material depositing in the Pacific isn't good, but does have dilution to lessen it's impacts.

        1. Beck_is_Trig

          Good point…but I'm thinking more about the dispersal…it's a bit like having the cancer concentrated in one area or having it spread all over the body in quantities. Of course haha…it'll kill you either way so what we're doing is just picking the less bad way to be irradiated. Gotta love this world, don't ya? All those "hippy" environmentalists warned and warned us 'bout the dangers of nuclear power but they're "just hippies"; even the precious market won't fund nuke plant construction because of the risks and yet our corrupt, dumbass politicians seem resolute in poisoning us slowly instead of using alternatives. Sing it' with may! "I'm proud to be an American…where at least I know I'm screwed….

  11. memzilla

    Wait 'til the media finds out that Mitt got his college degree from Trump University!

    1. comrad_darkness

      It will stop just about the time the Republican party adds cannibalism to its platform.

      (And i don't mean the Sunday, Jesus type they rally around now.)

  12. Sue4466

    Mitt also has to get past the Mormon thing by proving he's a "real Christian." And we all know what Jesus would do when it comes to healthcare for the poors: "Verily I say unto you without health care, fuck off."

    1. horsedreamer_1

      If they're distressed & distraught enough, & more than that, impugned by their betters, he'll deign to heal them, though.

      Laying on of hands is the new individual mandate.

    2. Beck_is_Trig

      Yeah, I think the GOP is going to hit on the idea of channelling money to faith healers who'll then reward them with campaign contributions. I think the reason wingnuts hate gubmint healthcare is it's harder to funnel money to corporations for healthcare because they're getting so many premiums from the Obama Admin's plan they won't notice that "special gift", which makes the circular bribery system less efficient.

  13. walstib

    Where is his bleach blonde wife?

    You cannot win without one these days…

    And also, too plastic surgery is a plus.

    And also, too…

  14. V572..whatever

    WSJ editorial page no likey = bye-bye Mittens! Aw, that's so sad. But seriously: the fundies think Mormans are space-alien pretend-Christian heretics and would never vote for one anyway, so it's not like he had a chance.

    1. Ducksworthy

      Check out the movie Plan 9 From Outer Space (stars Karen Black). This explains the space alien angle.

    1. DahBoner

      Naw, Ayn Rand and Republicans LOVE Socialism. For themselves.

      GIMME GIMME GIMME Medicare, SS payments, etc.

      Ayn Rand/Republicans are all about ME ME ME!!!

      Socialsm for OTHER people is wrong, wrong, wrong!

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Ayn Rand received Social Security & Medicare, under the last name of her cuckold husband, O'Connor.

  15. JoshuaNorton

    Pooooor Mittens. I haven't seen anyone this confused since Larry King tried to use an iPad.

    1. mereoblivion

      Or since the Professional Widower Formerly Known as Prince Charles dreamed he was a maxipad.

  16. donner_froh

    No matter how bad the official announcements of disasters seem the reality is always much worse. Soon a TEPCO press release will say mass death isn't quite as mass as initially thought.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Meh, they'll just move the goalposts, redefine "mass death" as anything over 1 million.

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    Sorry, Mitt, try as you might, they are not going to let you be one of the Republican "cool kids."

  18. LetUsBray

    I still don't understand how you can run any item about Mittsie without including the Fudge-Packing pic.

  19. charlesdegoal

    Morning in America? The problem with the "news" is that it's mostly about what may happen in the future and not about what is actually "news." Eighty Pakistanis blown up by some kamikaze. Millions of acres of US land underwater. No sir, all we care about are those lame potential future losing presidential candidates. And not even a mention of the lamest and losingest of them all, Ron Paul, who seems to have announced yesterday.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Oh please. Like people really care about dead Pakistanis and entire portions of America when what really matters to America is that Ashton Kutcher is vying for Charlie Sheen's spot on "Two and a Half Men." Hel-LO.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Isn't he two decades younger than Sheen? How's that going to work? Alan Harper had a one-nite-stand a decade & an half before the son he's raising now was born, & that product of the one-niter has come back, to crash on the couch?

    2. freakishlywrong

      And while he announced, took a question from someone who asked him about FEMA and the current flooding. Asker got the usual Randian claptrap; "founders, on your own, bootstraps, etc." Too soon Ron, Too fucking soon.

    3. DahBoner

      I loved the idiots standing on street corners in 2008 with "google Ron Paul" signs.

      They were probably hoping that most people wouldn't google him and find out what a stupid asshole he is…

  20. SorosBot

    Can't Mittens' cancel his actual helping of poor people and get back into the good graces of the sadistic Republican base by pointing to his history of dog torturing?

  21. loulouroo

    "not just for people who were born here"?! Whoops! Too bad, Superman, you just lost cred with the Teatards again. They will now try to shoot your fictional self from a helicopter.

  22. horsedreamer_1

    The National Review has, for the first time, come out… against an hand-out to big business. Insurance companies are going to lose a lot of customers if the prospective customers can abjure coverage.

  23. freakishlywrong

    The modern GOP dictates that solving a problem renders you unelectable. And 37% of the country will still vote for them. I want my country back.

    1. DaRooster

      I say we take their share too… it's not like they're using it… decently at least.

    2. riverside68

      The number one problem facing America is that the rich are being taxed too damn much! If you don't understand that you cannot possibly understand the modern GOP.

      And the women, and coloreds and intellectuals are all too indulged, ya that's the ticket, the GOP cares about that also.

    3. DahBoner

      "The modern GOP dictates that solving a problem renders you unelectable. And 37% of the country will still vote for them."

      And they fool the 37% amygdala fear centers by trying to solve a problem that doesn't exist:

      Late term abortions! Gays ruining your marriage! Immigrants taking your SS money!

      Rinse. Lather. Repeat every election.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      This quote has me imagining Charlie Christ approaching the hung-up, unwashed shirt he wore when Obama came thru Florida, promoting the stimulus. Christ reaches it, takes a long inhale, & tears up a bit. What could have, should have, been.

  24. Hatrabbit

    Only a miracle can keep Mittens in this race.

    Maybe God could reach down and rip his heart and brains out, that might impress Republican voters.

  25. arihaya

    Doesn’t he know his party faithful hates protecting the lives of people who aren’t fetuses?

    i know many of you disappointed by Barry, but if GOPs have their way in 2012, all of you will wish that you still a fetus

  26. BaldarTFlagass

    Just for grins, I did a little reading up on his dad's presidential run back in 68.

    "He had difficulty being articulate, often speaking at length and too forthrightly on a topic and then later correcting himself while maintaining he was not. Reporter Jack Germond joked that he was going to add a single key on his typewriter that would print, "Romney later explained…."

    Man, the acorn doesn't fall too far from the tree.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Also, he was a Mexican. And funny enough the Republican faithful where not hounding him over his birth certificate. Imagine that!

      1. James Michael Curley

        Old George Romney alleged, in 1968, that he was eligible to run as President because his parents lived in what was the "Mormon Colonies" portion of Mexico which became part of the AZ and NM territories after the Mexican-American War. He was born in 1907 before AZ and NM became states.

        This was a bit of a tired argument because the whole story had been run four years earlier with Barry Goldwater who was born in Phoenix in 1909 before AZ became a state.

        However, at that time and up to the present, no Court has interpreted the US Constitution phrase 'natural borne citizen'. And at the time Courts had determined that persons born in 'territories' which became states were, pursuant to the 14th Amendment citizens of that state and subsequently United States at the time the state became a state. But again, what about 'borne'.

        However, with Chester A. Arthur, Barry Goldwater, George Romney and Juan McCain, 'natural borne citizen' status seems throughout our history to be a lot less of an issue for Republicans if your skin color is white.

        Squese the lack of snark, but I consider this to be the most dangerous aspect of Republican hypocrisy. Republican Congressional passed law says if you are an alien you can be held as an enemy combatant and do not get to invoke the habeas corpus clause of the Constitution. And if they can prevent you from using Habeas corpus how do you get them to let you go, "Can I go home for a few minutes to get my birth certificate to prove I am not an alien?"

    2. horsedreamer_1

      So, Gregg Easterbrook ripped off his "auto-text" jokes (that appear in his ESPN.com Tues AM Quarterback column) from Jack Germond?

    3. deanbooth

      I lurves me some Jack Germond. On the Mclaughlin Group (back when it was not completely worthless), his response to most questions was "Nobody knows the answer to that!"

  27. baconzgood

    WHAT THE FUCK? SUPERMAN? FUCKING SUPERMAN? Superman doesn't bow to political pressure! Superman would pimp slap the Right Wing Media's head to Colu. SUPERMAN YOU SUCK.

    Neil before Baconzgood Son of Jor-El! Or I shall destroy your "planet Houston".

  28. EatsBabyDingos

    I'd vote for Mittens if he would run down Pennsylvania Avenue in an Orange Speedo with Cookie Monster on his butt.

    Oh, that's just the bong talking.

  29. mrblifil

    What's hilarious to me is that if Mittens had a receding hairline, nobody would give a fuck about anything he did or said. Republicans are very hung up on hair. I just noticed that troglodyte Bob McDonnell's approval ratings in VA are ridiculously high. All because of the hair. It's…a little gay, no?

      1. finallyhappy

        I am so dumb. I once got an issue of Men's Health(I am a woman). I was reading about one of the guys in it and a gay friend told me the guys in it are all models and the stories about them(Steve is an emergency room physician, blah, blah, blah) are not true- and the guys are all gay. Still, the guys looked good.

      2. James Michael Curley

        Saw that at the check out counter. Thought it was Neil Patrick harris after the testosterone shots.

    1. Rosie_Scenario

      And now a moment of silence, for the beautiful presidential hair of disgraced fomer Senator John Ensign. If only that head of hair could run without him.

  30. tiredalways

    Mitt guy – That's definitely good news for Obama and somewhere out there, for Herman Cain.

    Japan – definitely good news for those little bastard fuel rods.

    Superman – Nah, not a good news for anybody.

  31. CapeClod

    Next he's going to say, "I didn't mean to pass universal health care as Governor of Massachusetts. I just spent a few years there as a carpetbagger to enhance my national profile."

    1. riverside68

      He should just say "I was fucking with Massachusetts to get back at them for voting for McGovern. I would never do that to Red America."

          1. horsedreamer_1

            For those who like the status quo, which seems to be plenty, given 2010, the slogan "Constancy" would be a winner.

  32. ManchuCandidate

    This couldn't happen to a better pair of Mittens. Yes, I know that Mittenscare (and by extension, Obammercare) is better than being fucked over by Insurance Companies but considering that Mittens will do anything/say anything for a vote, it's not a bad thing he's going down in flames of his own making.

    Domo arigato, Mr Romney-boto.

  33. NorthStarSpanx

    Oh wow, if that's an preview as to what all the GOP has against the Incumbent for the 2012 vote, this is going to be a more humorous (instead of just cringe-worthy) election season than we thought!

  34. OC_Thug_Serf

    Can you imagine if Mittens had some balls and stood up to say:

    "Listen folks, health care is actually a good idea"

    (me neither)

  35. elviouslyqueer

    I have to say, I am fucking LOVING the NRO comment board. I haven't seen that much pearl-clutching since Joe Lieberman and Lindsey Graham broke up, citing irreconcilable differences.

  36. donner_froh

    Romney could try strapping a teacher to the top of his car and driving around to appeal to the typical disgusting fuckhead GOP primary voter.

    1. mog253

      Would he pay the teacher? My history-teaching son hasn't had a pay raise in so long and they froze future raises for five years. He'd probably volunteer if he could get the minimum wage and a burger. (FYI, great union.)

    2. Ducksworthy

      Better still if the car was being pulled by half naked public employees in harness while Romney cracks the bullwhip.

  37. SaneCatLady

    Love the photo. But are you sure Mittens is channeling JFK and not auditioning for the drag queen remake of I Dream of Jeannie?

  38. widestanceroman

    Even if Mittens was to speak before the Heritage Foundation holding the dripping head of a Mexican lesbian child with a pre-existing condition, it'd look like a stunt, devoid of the heartfelt evil required in today's GOP.

  39. mereoblivion

    Don't blame me: I voted for Brainiac. (In fact, I am Brainiac, but that's another thread.)

  40. NorthStarSpanx

    Huck is bringing chubby back, isn't he.

    You have said too much, now I know you are younger than me. Am I going to have to quit Wonkette the way I had to quit MySpace?

    1. horsedreamer_1

      You didn't quit MySpace. MySpace quit you.

      … Well, the zeitgeist quit you. Friendster, MySpace, Facebook… Zuckerberg's day of reckoning is coming. Might not be FourSquare, nor Twitter, but something's going to replace FB.

  41. Barb

    Has anyone whipped out the old abacus to figure out how big of an impact the quake/tsunami/quake/quake is going to have on the American economy? Someone told me that Asian visits to Vegas has declined 50%. I don't know if it is true or not. Disney had better slash their admission prices to let the white trash people in or they are going to feel the cold sting of having to lay off a few Princes.

  42. Hatrabbit

    Maybe he should give up and introduce Koch-care.

    Mitt: Hey, here's my healthcare proposal–everyone gives all their money to the insurance company of their choice and when you get sick you receive a free tongue depressor and a Viagra voucher for whooping it up before your painful death.

    Republican Voters: Freedom! USA USA

  43. Mahousu

    Superman: That's what America is about, really …None of us are forced to be anything we don't want to be.

    Well, except for bankrupt. A lot of us are forced to be that. Sorry.

  44. bureaucrap

    “Japanese Reactor Damage Is Worse Than Expected.”

    It's the headline that keeps on giving. Expect to see it weekly until the end of 2012.

  45. baconzgood

    You're right about NPR. I was blown away by that hard hitting 15 minute expose on fig farming.

  46. charlesdegoal

    Here, for example, is some "real" news that puts all those premature electioneerors to shame:

    "MADRID (AP) — Spanish regional government authorities say a man has beheaded a woman in a supermarket on the Spanish resort island of Tenerife in the Canary Islands.

    The suspect, believed to be a homeless Bulgarian man with a police record, was detained by security guards after he ran out of the supermarket with the head in his hands.

    A witness told broadcaster Cadena Ser that he saw the man drop a bloodstained woman's head on the pavement after coming out of the store.

    A regional government spokeswoman said the suspect is believed to have entered the shop, stolen a knife which he then used to assault and behead the woman whose identity hasn't been released.

    The official spoke on condition of anonymity in keeping with department regulations. "

  47. Sue4466

    Meanwhile, Rand Paul is equating support for healthcare reform with support for slavery. Given the GOP's penchant for worshipping the Confederacy, opposition to civil rights, and naked desire to drive worker wages into the ground, what is his point?

    1. SorosBot

      Gah, and here I thought the comparisons of slavery (along with the holocaust) to women's rights to control their own bodies was as heinous as it would get; but no, the conservatives can always sink to a new low.

  48. EBGrey

    Who knew, JFK liked to pray in the cross-armed Mormon style.

    As to JFK's prayer…"Dear Lord, please send me another buxom hooker. And please use your heavenly powers to dispose of the dead hooker that is in the trunk of my car."

    1. jqheywood

      I would much rather have a President like Kennedy, than one like, say, Reagan: I want the person with a finger on the nuke button to be looking forward to banging a starlet/intern/mobster's girlfriend, or even his own hot wife, than to have forgotten about the whole sex thing entirely.

  49. Lazy Media

    Mittens' lack of popularity with wingnuts won't matter, and he'll be nominated, because the money Republicans are going to back him, and he'll get ALL the non-Teabaggers after Pawlenty, Daniels, et. al. .drop out because they waited too long to get in and got no munnies. The wingnuts will sulk a little, but if you describe the details of Obamacare, they actually LIKE it (it resembles their beloved SSI), and they'll support whatever tiny tweaks Mittens says he'll do to "repeal" it.

    The only real wingnut to run will be Ron Paul. Trump's just been trolling the whole time, and Palin isn't doing anything she doesn't get paid a lot of money to do. Huckabee will play the part of Pat Robertson/Pat Buchanan again, but that will just help weed out the other fringies like Bachmann.

    Now, what would be AWESOME would be if the Koch brothers decided to back Bachmann, which could give her a chance in a lot of your redder state primaries. Obama vs. Bachmann would be the most awesome matchup since Godzilla vs. Bambi.

  50. mog253

    Mittens probably does like the death panels part of Obamacare, reduces the surplus population!

  51. proudgrampa

    "The fuel rods have been exposed for so long, releasing so much radiation, that the little guys have probably gotten tired and cooled off."

    I'm no scientist, but if these fuel rods are radiating isotopes of plutonium or other nuclear materials, their half lives are measured in decades, if not thousands of years. These babies are just getting started.

    We are freakin' doomed.

  52. mavenmaven

    Superman is soft on illegal immigrants, apparently. Not good enough for the teabaggers.

  53. notreelyhelping

    What do you mean by "Superman" doesn't exist? I thought he showed up every April to have a brew with his apostles.

  54. Negropolis

    He’s not strong enough a man to watch and laugh while the health of some unprivileged citizens suffers needlessly.

    This sums up Romney's entire candidacy pretty well.

    It's just crazy that the individual mandate was a Republican policy, just like cap-and-trade originally was, and not even that long ago. Shows just how crazy the party has gotten.

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