IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  9:59 am May 13, 2011

Mitt Romney Slams Obama By Saying How Great Both Their Health Plans Are

by Jack Stuef

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiibruuuuuuuuuuuuulllllllll

  • Mitt Romney has a HUGE liability in the Republican presidential race: He once helped people who needed health insurance get it, so their health and finances wouldn’t be ruined simply because their fellow citizens didn’t care if they died. Whoops! Doesn’t he know his party faithful hates protecting the lives of people who aren’t fetuses? Yesterday, he finally tried to defend his plan, but he just made things worse, endorsing the individual mandate and all the other fundamental features that underpin both plans, while paying lip service to disliking Obamacare with a few vague attacks. Mitt Romney has been found out: He’s not strong enough a man to watch and laugh while the health of some unprivileged citizens suffers needlessly. And it’s ruining him. [National Review]
  • Hey, it’s this old headline again: “Japanese Reactor Damage Is Worse Than Expected.” But it’s May. Ugh. Here’s the “good” news: The fuel rods have been exposed for so long, releasing so much radiation, that the little guys have probably gotten tired and cooled off. They’ve been working really hard giving everyone cancer! If anyone deserves a rest, it’s those fuel rods. (Note: C’mon, the company is probably lying about the fuel rods being done.) [NYT]
  • Superman apparently likes America again, praising its allowance for “second chances.” Apparently he has not seen politics in 2011, where the game is to find people, even complete nobodies, who may differ with you on certain issues, and try to completely destroy their lives. But what does he know? He doesn’t exist. [Bleeding Cool]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 179 comments }

comrad_darkness May 13, 2011 at 10:04 am

Republicans with half a tattered human soul still beating in their breast sure have a hard time campaigning against themselves.

loulouroo May 13, 2011 at 10:08 am

You assume there IS such a creature anymore.

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 12:04 am

We're at the place where we need a "Republicans say the darndest things" television show.

donner_froh May 13, 2011 at 10:04 am

Mittens could grab the Kock-sucker nomination if he went full class-war and apologized for allowing poor people to get health care and not simply dying, the way god designed it.

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 10:13 am

But, if the population shrinks, more people dying, younger, & in their dying days & months pretty much bed-ridden & unable to consume, who's going to line the Kochs's pockets? While I'm sure they have a finger or two in defense contracting, there's only so much they can make without drivers to buy gasoline, homemakers to buy paper-towels, etc. Or, is Koch Industries expanding in caskets & crematoria?

DaRooster May 13, 2011 at 10:35 am

Soylent Green…

Boredw/Gravitas May 13, 2011 at 10:54 am

They apparently don't have the capacity to think that far ahead. Their main concern right now is to get rid of those profit-sapping unions and their "fair living wage" and create a permanent underclass.

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Agree.

"Libertarians" and Republicans have the mentality of 12 year olds.

They come up with a idea, and they can't think 2 steps ahead to the consequences.

You know, like Laws of Physics or Cause and Effect…

zhubajie May 13, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Who says the Kochs are smart? They will end up going too far and screwing themselves as thoroughly as the buffalo hunters did.

GOPCrusher May 13, 2011 at 12:09 pm

But Romney's strategy may just work. He claims that what he did was for the good of the people, what Obama did was nothing more than a greedy power grab.
I'm waiting for to explain, how our Urban President could have been power grabbing when the majority of his health care plan won't take effect until late in his second term.

Omophagist May 13, 2011 at 2:05 pm

The best way for Romney to grab it would be if he took a poor, uninsured minority person who was dying of cancer out to international waters and then personally strangled him/her to death with his own hands live on a streaming webcast. It's the only surefire way to let the "family values" base to know he shares their moral values of unmitigated hatred for all living things.

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 12:06 am

ROTFLMAO!

Goonemeritus May 13, 2011 at 10:05 am

There is no way any Republican without an unimpeachably evil record can hope to win the primary.

MildMidwesterner May 13, 2011 at 10:20 am

Voldemort 2012!

ablington May 13, 2011 at 10:05 am

The beltway media already seems to be glomming onto John Huntsman as the new, fresh Mormon slightly less insane male GOP candidate with amazing hair. Poor Mittens (and T-Paw).

V572..whatever May 13, 2011 at 10:10 am

And Ensign…best Republican hair evah! Now, alas, another lost soul. "Put your pants on and go home!" When Santorum is telling you that, it's hard to ever regain your dignity.

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 10:24 am

Plus, even the most Evangelic of the Tea-baggers will support Huntsman, since his father designed the clamshell container that is used to host the Big Macs & other Mc D's goodness the 'Baggers crave.

finallyhappy May 13, 2011 at 10:45 am

in the ancient days when I was young(I am so old- I remember when the first McD's opened in the Philly burbs) and ate MCds- burgers were wrapped in paper and fries came in a little open bag.

mog253 May 13, 2011 at 11:01 am

And they were gooooooooooood,but very small, like a normal portion.

BerkeleyBear May 13, 2011 at 11:06 am

But don't forget, he actually worked with Obama, he doesn't hate ghey people and he actually supports government intervention on things like infrastructure improvements. Evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 11:28 am

Nor does he deny (anthropogenic) global climate change. In fact, Utah under Huntsman signed an accord with Schwarzenegger's California in an effort to slow/reverse AGCC.

Native_of_SL_UT May 13, 2011 at 11:43 am

Here's the scariest thing about Huntsman: I like him.

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 12:13 am

I don't see how you can take a job from a sitting president – an ambassador job, no less – and then run against him. I'm not totally on the whole thing about folks having to be completely loyal to a president they serve under (see: Nixon), but something about this potential run just feels so disrespectful, kind of like him saying "thanks for nothing" to his boss, that it makes me think WAY less of him on a character level.

BerkeleyBear May 14, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Salmon Chase, passed over by the GOP in favor of Lincoln, tried to manuver to supplant him in 1864 while still serving in the Cabinet. He finally was elbowed out, only to become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

And McClellan, relieved of command for ineffectiveness and inaction, got the Dem nomination. Now that's backbiting ingratitude.

Huntsman was a GOP rising star when he got tapped, and he never promised not to run. And he actually did the job pretty well by most accounts. But I suspect he's really pointing to 2016, so I'm not too bothered.

metamarcisf May 13, 2011 at 10:05 am

Orrin Hatch speaking at a Tea Party rally: "Last night I shot a rhinoceros in my undergarments. How he got in my undergarments, I don't know!"

Mahousu May 13, 2011 at 10:36 am

Oh, I think he knows. And that shot? A money shot.

carlgt1 May 13, 2011 at 10:06 am

funny – in the Repuke party, if in your entire career you've done just ONE good thing for the people and not just corporations, you're considered an evil commie

GOPCrusher May 13, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Scott Walker should have the inside track to the nomination.

noodlesalad May 13, 2011 at 10:06 am

Mittens needs to emphasize his strengths in strapping diarrhetic dog to automobile roofs and promise the same for the poors. That's federalism we can believe in.

riverside68 May 13, 2011 at 11:01 am

It is my understanding that the dog was not diarrhetic before the 500 mile ride on the roof.

Wouldn't want to be placing unnecessary limitations on Mitten's strap-on creds.

Who knows maybe a good purge is what the poors need, might save on health care costs.

BaldarTFlagass May 13, 2011 at 10:07 am

Ever notice how much Mitt Romney resembles that other incredibly pliable, flexible character, Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four?

OC_Thug_Serf May 13, 2011 at 10:27 am

Ever notice that Mittens says "Washington Politician" like he just drank vinegar, yet the fucker spent his entire life trying to be in power in Washington…

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 10:54 am

Irony knows not GOP.

It's like Rick Snyder's & Scott Walker's despotic agenda in the Upper Midwest: all government is bad, & must be shrunken, except for my government.

GOPCrusher May 13, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Washington is corrupt. Career politicians are corrupt. VOTE FOR ME!

Mahousu May 13, 2011 at 10:32 am

Hmm, and his wife (wives?) seems to be mostly invisible …

SorosBot May 13, 2011 at 10:34 am

Though I haven't seen any evidence that he has a young son who can alter reality, or a toddler daughter who is the world's smartest person and talks like an adult.

Mahousu May 13, 2011 at 10:37 am

But if his son altered reality, how would you know?

SorosBot May 13, 2011 at 10:57 am

Because then you'd find yourself on another Earth designed by Rob Liefeld, where every man has impossibly huge muscles, every woman giant breasts and waists four inches wide, and everyone wears shoulder pads and has tiny, tiny feet.

riverside68 May 13, 2011 at 11:05 am

I am going with the flame-on character (I am not willing to admit I am nerdy enough to know his name).

I believe Mittens is flaming out as we speak.

OneDollarJuana May 13, 2011 at 10:07 am

Doesn’t he know his party faithful hates protecting the lives of people who aren’t fetuses or RICH?

/fixed

Terry May 13, 2011 at 10:08 am

Regarding the Japanese reactor, it's time we stop having any optimistic expectations at all. It should be considered a complete and utter disaster that contaminated the air, water, and land both in the local area to an extensive degree and a good section of the hemisphere to a lesser degree. The only positive thing you can say about the events related to the Fukushima reactor is that it's not Chernobyl.

V572..whatever May 13, 2011 at 10:16 am

Coincidentally, that's going to be Romney's campaign slogan: Not as Bad as Chernobyl!

CapeClod May 13, 2011 at 10:25 am

I have to say that I found it hard to be optomistic about the chances of bringing the problem under control after buildings at the site started esploding.

riverside68 May 13, 2011 at 11:07 am

Too bad that its hemisphere is attached to our hemisphere, not to mention upwind.

Native_of_SL_UT May 13, 2011 at 11:48 am

The only positive thing you can say about the events related to the Fukushima reactor is that it's slightly easier to pronounce than Chernobyl.

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 12:12 pm

And it's almost an insult!

FUK U SHIMA…

Beck_is_Trig May 14, 2011 at 1:51 am

Actually, Fukushima could prove to be much worse than Chernobyl, they just found radioactive seaweed 40 miles out to sea…the difference is Chernobyl was landlocked and its blown debris affected comparitively fewer people than Fukushima can. It's the ocean currents here that are going to be the real problem, Fukushima is going to mutate us all. Dibs on the huge dong mutation…

Terry May 14, 2011 at 7:47 am

Chernobyl left radioactive material in places like wetlands along the rivers. As those erode over time, the nucleotides keep getting released back into the food web/food supply.

The material depositing in the Pacific isn't good, but does have dilution to lessen it's impacts.

Beck_is_Trig May 14, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Good point…but I'm thinking more about the dispersal…it's a bit like having the cancer concentrated in one area or having it spread all over the body in quantities. Of course haha…it'll kill you either way so what we're doing is just picking the less bad way to be irradiated. Gotta love this world, don't ya? All those "hippy" environmentalists warned and warned us 'bout the dangers of nuclear power but they're "just hippies"; even the precious market won't fund nuke plant construction because of the risks and yet our corrupt, dumbass politicians seem resolute in poisoning us slowly instead of using alternatives. Sing it' with may! "I'm proud to be an American…where at least I know I'm screwed….

memzilla May 13, 2011 at 10:08 am

Wait 'til the media finds out that Mitt got his college degree from Trump University!

ifthethunderdontgetya May 13, 2011 at 10:08 am

That Overton Window is never going to stop moving to the right, is it?
~

comrad_darkness May 13, 2011 at 10:22 am

It will stop just about the time the Republican party adds cannibalism to its platform.

(And i don't mean the Sunday, Jesus type they rally around now.)

Sue4466 May 13, 2011 at 10:08 am

Mitt also has to get past the Mormon thing by proving he's a "real Christian." And we all know what Jesus would do when it comes to healthcare for the poors: "Verily I say unto you without health care, fuck off."

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 10:14 am

If they're distressed & distraught enough, & more than that, impugned by their betters, he'll deign to heal them, though.

Laying on of hands is the new individual mandate.

Beck_is_Trig May 14, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Yeah, I think the GOP is going to hit on the idea of channelling money to faith healers who'll then reward them with campaign contributions. I think the reason wingnuts hate gubmint healthcare is it's harder to funnel money to corporations for healthcare because they're getting so many premiums from the Obama Admin's plan they won't notice that "special gift", which makes the circular bribery system less efficient.

walstib May 13, 2011 at 10:08 am

Where is his bleach blonde wife?

You cannot win without one these days…

And also, too plastic surgery is a plus.

And also, too…

Mahousu May 13, 2011 at 10:40 am

I think you mean "necessary corrective surgery for a medical condition."

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 10:55 am

+1 chin implant

V572..whatever May 13, 2011 at 10:09 am

WSJ editorial page no likey = bye-bye Mittens! Aw, that's so sad. But seriously: the fundies think Mormans are space-alien pretend-Christian heretics and would never vote for one anyway, so it's not like he had a chance.

MissusBarry May 13, 2011 at 10:46 am

Maybe they were real Chrissens before they started doing the evil yoga.

Ducksworthy May 13, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Check out the movie Plan 9 From Outer Space (stars Karen Black). This explains the space alien angle.

loulouroo May 13, 2011 at 10:09 am

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk…Ayn Rand would not approve, Mittens. Socialist!

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Naw, Ayn Rand and Republicans LOVE Socialism. For themselves.

GIMME GIMME GIMME Medicare, SS payments, etc.

Ayn Rand/Republicans are all about ME ME ME!!!

Socialsm for OTHER people is wrong, wrong, wrong!

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Ayn Rand received Social Security & Medicare, under the last name of her cuckold husband, O'Connor.

Thurman Munster IV May 13, 2011 at 10:10 am

Since when has tortured logic ever stopped a politician from succeeding?

JoshuaNorton May 13, 2011 at 10:11 am

Pooooor Mittens. I haven't seen anyone this confused since Larry King tried to use an iPad.

mereoblivion May 13, 2011 at 10:27 am

Or since the Professional Widower Formerly Known as Prince Charles dreamed he was a maxipad.

donner_froh May 13, 2011 at 10:12 am

No matter how bad the official announcements of disasters seem the reality is always much worse. Soon a TEPCO press release will say mass death isn't quite as mass as initially thought.

BaldarTFlagass May 13, 2011 at 10:15 am

Meh, they'll just move the goalposts, redefine "mass death" as anything over 1 million.

BaldarTFlagass May 13, 2011 at 10:12 am

Sorry, Mitt, try as you might, they are not going to let you be one of the Republican "cool kids."

LetUsBray May 13, 2011 at 10:14 am

I still don't understand how you can run any item about Mittsie without including the Fudge-Packing pic.

riverside68 May 13, 2011 at 11:09 am

The Wonkette ain't what it used to be . . .

charlesdegoal May 13, 2011 at 10:15 am

Morning in America? The problem with the "news" is that it's mostly about what may happen in the future and not about what is actually "news." Eighty Pakistanis blown up by some kamikaze. Millions of acres of US land underwater. No sir, all we care about are those lame potential future losing presidential candidates. And not even a mention of the lamest and losingest of them all, Ron Paul, who seems to have announced yesterday.

BaldarTFlagass May 13, 2011 at 10:21 am

I love Ron Paulsen's "joke" presidential campaigns. They crack me the fuck up.

elviouslyqueer May 13, 2011 at 10:22 am

Oh please. Like people really care about dead Pakistanis and entire portions of America when what really matters to America is that Ashton Kutcher is vying for Charlie Sheen's spot on "Two and a Half Men." Hel-LO.

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 10:26 am

Isn't he two decades younger than Sheen? How's that going to work? Alan Harper had a one-nite-stand a decade & an half before the son he's raising now was born, & that product of the one-niter has come back, to crash on the couch?

charlesdegoal May 13, 2011 at 10:30 am

You're right. Current Google "top story" : James Durbin exits 'Idol': What now?

freakishlywrong May 13, 2011 at 10:30 am

And while he announced, took a question from someone who asked him about FEMA and the current flooding. Asker got the usual Randian claptrap; "founders, on your own, bootstraps, etc." Too soon Ron, Too fucking soon.

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 12:19 pm

I loved the idiots standing on street corners in 2008 with "google Ron Paul" signs.

They were probably hoping that most people wouldn't google him and find out what a stupid asshole he is…

SorosBot May 13, 2011 at 10:15 am

Can't Mittens' cancel his actual helping of poor people and get back into the good graces of the sadistic Republican base by pointing to his history of dog torturing?

LetUsBray May 13, 2011 at 11:16 am

I'm sure they'd rather see some explicit advocacy of people torturing.

AJW@[redacted] May 13, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Well, last campaign season he did advocate for doubling the size of Gitmo.

loulouroo May 13, 2011 at 10:15 am

"not just for people who were born here"?! Whoops! Too bad, Superman, you just lost cred with the Teatards again. They will now try to shoot your fictional self from a helicopter.

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 10:16 am

The National Review has, for the first time, come out… against an hand-out to big business. Insurance companies are going to lose a lot of customers if the prospective customers can abjure coverage.

freakishlywrong May 13, 2011 at 10:16 am

The modern GOP dictates that solving a problem renders you unelectable. And 37% of the country will still vote for them. I want my country back.

DaRooster May 13, 2011 at 10:37 am

I say we take their share too… it's not like they're using it… decently at least.

freakishlywrong May 13, 2011 at 10:50 am

Their share is flooded or on fire. Or in Floriduh.

riverside68 May 13, 2011 at 11:19 am

The number one problem facing America is that the rich are being taxed too damn much! If you don't understand that you cannot possibly understand the modern GOP.

And the women, and coloreds and intellectuals are all too indulged, ya that's the ticket, the GOP cares about that also.

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 12:39 pm

"The modern GOP dictates that solving a problem renders you unelectable. And 37% of the country will still vote for them."

And they fool the 37% amygdala fear centers by trying to solve a problem that doesn't exist:

Late term abortions! Gays ruining your marriage! Immigrants taking your SS money!

Rinse. Lather. Repeat every election.

Ducksworthy May 13, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Check out David Brooks on neuroscience. http://thebrowser.com/interviews/david-brooks-on-

He's working his way into a full blown heresy here.

WriteyWriterton May 13, 2011 at 10:38 pm

I'm not sure I want this hot mess back.

EatsBabyDingos May 13, 2011 at 10:16 am

"Obamacare, Ah jus' caint quit you!"

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 10:28 am

This quote has me imagining Charlie Christ approaching the hung-up, unwashed shirt he wore when Obama came thru Florida, promoting the stimulus. Christ reaches it, takes a long inhale, & tears up a bit. What could have, should have, been.

simplyblue7 May 13, 2011 at 10:16 am

Awwww…did the wittle puny girly radioactive uranium rod get tired?

Hatrabbit May 13, 2011 at 10:17 am

Only a miracle can keep Mittens in this race.

Maybe God could reach down and rip his heart and brains out, that might impress Republican voters.

CapeClod May 13, 2011 at 10:37 am

I bet he doubles down an announces, "I plan to octuple Gitmo."

arihaya May 13, 2011 at 10:17 am

Doesn’t he know his party faithful hates protecting the lives of people who aren’t fetuses?

i know many of you disappointed by Barry, but if GOPs have their way in 2012, all of you will wish that you still a fetus

DaRooster May 13, 2011 at 10:39 am

I'm just going to pretend I'm one… I need a womb to lay… in.

BaldarTFlagass May 13, 2011 at 10:18 am

Just for grins, I did a little reading up on his dad's presidential run back in 68.

"He had difficulty being articulate, often speaking at length and too forthrightly on a topic and then later correcting himself while maintaining he was not. Reporter Jack Germond joked that he was going to add a single key on his typewriter that would print, "Romney later explained…."

Man, the acorn doesn't fall too far from the tree.

comrad_darkness May 13, 2011 at 10:25 am

Also, he was a Mexican. And funny enough the Republican faithful where not hounding him over his birth certificate. Imagine that!

James Michael Curley May 13, 2011 at 11:03 am

Old George Romney alleged, in 1968, that he was eligible to run as President because his parents lived in what was the "Mormon Colonies" portion of Mexico which became part of the AZ and NM territories after the Mexican-American War. He was born in 1907 before AZ and NM became states.

This was a bit of a tired argument because the whole story had been run four years earlier with Barry Goldwater who was born in Phoenix in 1909 before AZ became a state.

However, at that time and up to the present, no Court has interpreted the US Constitution phrase 'natural borne citizen'. And at the time Courts had determined that persons born in 'territories' which became states were, pursuant to the 14th Amendment citizens of that state and subsequently United States at the time the state became a state. But again, what about 'borne'.

However, with Chester A. Arthur, Barry Goldwater, George Romney and Juan McCain, 'natural borne citizen' status seems throughout our history to be a lot less of an issue for Republicans if your skin color is white.

Squese the lack of snark, but I consider this to be the most dangerous aspect of Republican hypocrisy. Republican Congressional passed law says if you are an alien you can be held as an enemy combatant and do not get to invoke the habeas corpus clause of the Constitution. And if they can prevent you from using Habeas corpus how do you get them to let you go, "Can I go home for a few minutes to get my birth certificate to prove I am not an alien?"

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 10:29 am

So, Gregg Easterbrook ripped off his "auto-text" jokes (that appear in his ESPN.com Tues AM Quarterback column) from Jack Germond?

BaldarTFlagass May 13, 2011 at 10:31 am

Signs point to "yes."

deanbooth May 13, 2011 at 11:31 am

I lurves me some Jack Germond. On the Mclaughlin Group (back when it was not completely worthless), his response to most questions was "Nobody knows the answer to that!"

baconzgood May 13, 2011 at 10:18 am

WHAT THE FUCK? SUPERMAN? FUCKING SUPERMAN? Superman doesn't bow to political pressure! Superman would pimp slap the Right Wing Media's head to Colu. SUPERMAN YOU SUCK.

Neil before Baconzgood Son of Jor-El! Or I shall destroy your "planet Houston".

Native_of_SL_UT May 13, 2011 at 11:53 am

FUCKING ILLEGAL ALIENS!

EatsBabyDingos May 13, 2011 at 10:19 am

I'd vote for Mittens if he would run down Pennsylvania Avenue in an Orange Speedo with Cookie Monster on his butt.

Oh, that's just the bong talking.

mrblifil May 13, 2011 at 10:19 am

What's hilarious to me is that if Mittens had a receding hairline, nobody would give a fuck about anything he did or said. Republicans are very hung up on hair. I just noticed that troglodyte Bob McDonnell's approval ratings in VA are ridiculously high. All because of the hair. It's…a little gay, no?

SorosBot May 13, 2011 at 10:26 am

Oh, the conservative's worship of masculinity is always a little gay; and sometimes very, very gay, like with this:
http://www.menshealth.com/fitness/aaron-schock-fi

And apparently this Congressman is confused as to why there are so many rumors he's gay. Dude, you know who reads Men's Health, don't you?

freakishlywrong May 13, 2011 at 10:53 am

THAT is the gayest fucking thing I've ever seen.

DahBoner May 13, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Why does his chest look hairless like a 11 year old boy?

finallyhappy May 13, 2011 at 10:57 am

I am so dumb. I once got an issue of Men's Health(I am a woman). I was reading about one of the guys in it and a gay friend told me the guys in it are all models and the stories about them(Steve is an emergency room physician, blah, blah, blah) are not true- and the guys are all gay. Still, the guys looked good.

BaldarTFlagass May 13, 2011 at 11:05 am

So, is Aaron Schock real or a gay confabulation?

James Michael Curley May 13, 2011 at 11:13 am

Saw that at the check out counter. Thought it was Neil Patrick harris after the testosterone shots.

Rosie_Scenario May 13, 2011 at 10:49 am

And now a moment of silence, for the beautiful presidential hair of disgraced fomer Senator John Ensign. If only that head of hair could run without him.

freakishlywrong May 13, 2011 at 10:54 am

Hopefully, it can grab Coburn's scalp on the way out the door. A tewfer!

WriteyWriterton May 13, 2011 at 10:40 pm

A little?

tiredalways May 13, 2011 at 10:20 am

Mitt guy – That's definitely good news for Obama and somewhere out there, for Herman Cain.

Japan – definitely good news for those little bastard fuel rods.

Superman – Nah, not a good news for anybody.

CapeClod May 13, 2011 at 10:20 am

Next he's going to say, "I didn't mean to pass universal health care as Governor of Massachusetts. I just spent a few years there as a carpetbagger to enhance my national profile."

riverside68 May 13, 2011 at 11:22 am

He should just say "I was fucking with Massachusetts to get back at them for voting for McGovern. I would never do that to Red America."

DangerHelvetica May 13, 2011 at 10:21 am

This is why I voted for Inanimate Carbon Rod.

SaneCatLady May 13, 2011 at 10:26 am

Oooh! My favorite sex toy!

BaldarTFlagass May 13, 2011 at 10:30 am

I think I will cast my ballot for Log. It's better than bad, it's good.

SorosBot May 13, 2011 at 10:37 am

The Log tells me the owls are not what they seem.

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 10:58 am

I'm voting for Plank (from Ed, Edd, & Eddie).

BaldarTFlagass May 13, 2011 at 11:02 am

How about Plank from Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels?

Plank/Plank 2012!

baconzgood May 13, 2011 at 10:37 am

AWWWW….They were just going to show a close up of the rod.

freakishlywrong May 13, 2011 at 10:55 am

Pawlenty? Not a chance!

ManchuCandidate May 13, 2011 at 10:21 am

This couldn't happen to a better pair of Mittens. Yes, I know that Mittenscare (and by extension, Obammercare) is better than being fucked over by Insurance Companies but considering that Mittens will do anything/say anything for a vote, it's not a bad thing he's going down in flames of his own making.

Domo arigato, Mr Romney-boto.

NorthStarSpanx May 13, 2011 at 10:22 am

Oh wow, if that's an preview as to what all the GOP has against the Incumbent for the 2012 vote, this is going to be a more humorous (instead of just cringe-worthy) election season than we thought!

OC_Thug_Serf May 13, 2011 at 10:23 am

Can you imagine if Mittens had some balls and stood up to say:

"Listen folks, health care is actually a good idea"

(me neither)

elviouslyqueer May 13, 2011 at 10:25 am

I have to say, I am fucking LOVING the NRO comment board. I haven't seen that much pearl-clutching since Joe Lieberman and Lindsey Graham broke up, citing irreconcilable differences.

donner_froh May 13, 2011 at 10:26 am

Romney could try strapping a teacher to the top of his car and driving around to appeal to the typical disgusting fuckhead GOP primary voter.

mog253 May 13, 2011 at 11:30 am

Would he pay the teacher? My history-teaching son hasn't had a pay raise in so long and they froze future raises for five years. He'd probably volunteer if he could get the minimum wage and a burger. (FYI, great union.)

Ducksworthy May 13, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Better still if the car was being pulled by half naked public employees in harness while Romney cracks the bullwhip.

SaneCatLady May 13, 2011 at 10:29 am

Love the photo. But are you sure Mittens is channeling JFK and not auditioning for the drag queen remake of I Dream of Jeannie?

DaRooster May 13, 2011 at 10:42 am

"Mmmm… these undies ARE magical…"

widestanceroman May 13, 2011 at 10:31 am

Even if Mittens was to speak before the Heritage Foundation holding the dripping head of a Mexican lesbian child with a pre-existing condition, it'd look like a stunt, devoid of the heartfelt evil required in today's GOP.

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 11:01 am

You just gave me an idea for Zombie G.G. Allin 2012.

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 11:33 am

Let's try this again: this give me an idea for Zombie G.G. Allin 2012.

widestanceroman May 13, 2011 at 11:39 am

Do said what it is, horsedreamer_1!

mereoblivion May 13, 2011 at 10:35 am

Don't blame me: I voted for Brainiac. (In fact, I am Brainiac, but that's another thread.)

baconzgood May 13, 2011 at 10:38 am

Vril Dox? Is that you?

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 11:02 am

Don't know about that, but EVOL is a pretty good record.

NorthStarSpanx May 13, 2011 at 10:37 am

Huck is bringing chubby back, isn't he.

You have said too much, now I know you are younger than me. Am I going to have to quit Wonkette the way I had to quit MySpace?

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 11:00 am

You didn't quit MySpace. MySpace quit you.

… Well, the zeitgeist quit you. Friendster, MySpace, Facebook… Zuckerberg's day of reckoning is coming. Might not be FourSquare, nor Twitter, but something's going to replace FB.

WriteyWriterton May 13, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Pen-and-paper-letters to friends?

Barb May 13, 2011 at 10:38 am

Has anyone whipped out the old abacus to figure out how big of an impact the quake/tsunami/quake/quake is going to have on the American economy? Someone told me that Asian visits to Vegas has declined 50%. I don't know if it is true or not. Disney had better slash their admission prices to let the white trash people in or they are going to feel the cold sting of having to lay off a few Princes.

Hatrabbit May 13, 2011 at 10:39 am

Maybe he should give up and introduce Koch-care.

Mitt: Hey, here's my healthcare proposal–everyone gives all their money to the insurance company of their choice and when you get sick you receive a free tongue depressor and a Viagra voucher for whooping it up before your painful death.

Republican Voters: Freedom! USA USA

DaRooster May 13, 2011 at 10:41 am

Huh?… Whu?… What's radiation? What nuclear disaster? Oh no… not here.

Mahousu May 13, 2011 at 10:45 am

Superman: That's what America is about, really …None of us are forced to be anything we don't want to be.

Well, except for bankrupt. A lot of us are forced to be that. Sorry.

bureaucrap May 13, 2011 at 10:51 am

“Japanese Reactor Damage Is Worse Than Expected.”

It's the headline that keeps on giving. Expect to see it weekly until the end of 2012.

baconzgood May 13, 2011 at 10:55 am

You're right about NPR. I was blown away by that hard hitting 15 minute expose on fig farming.

charlesdegoal May 13, 2011 at 10:55 am

Here, for example, is some "real" news that puts all those premature electioneerors to shame:

"MADRID (AP) — Spanish regional government authorities say a man has beheaded a woman in a supermarket on the Spanish resort island of Tenerife in the Canary Islands.

The suspect, believed to be a homeless Bulgarian man with a police record, was detained by security guards after he ran out of the supermarket with the head in his hands.

A witness told broadcaster Cadena Ser that he saw the man drop a bloodstained woman's head on the pavement after coming out of the store.

A regional government spokeswoman said the suspect is believed to have entered the shop, stolen a knife which he then used to assault and behead the woman whose identity hasn't been released.

The official spoke on condition of anonymity in keeping with department regulations. "

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 11:12 am

In Spain, their networks are Being. Ours are Nothingness.

WriteyWriterton May 13, 2011 at 10:37 pm

In Spain, Bulgarian beheads you.

starfanglednut May 13, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Holy motherfucking crap!

BZ1 May 13, 2011 at 10:58 am

The wingnuts are surprisingly all in agreement, that the Mitt won't fit, …and so forth, and so on…

Sue4466 May 13, 2011 at 10:59 am

Meanwhile, Rand Paul is equating support for healthcare reform with support for slavery. Given the GOP's penchant for worshipping the Confederacy, opposition to civil rights, and naked desire to drive worker wages into the ground, what is his point?

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 11:07 am

Double-speak?

SorosBot May 13, 2011 at 11:23 am

Gah, and here I thought the comparisons of slavery (along with the holocaust) to women's rights to control their own bodies was as heinous as it would get; but no, the conservatives can always sink to a new low.

Sue4466 May 13, 2011 at 11:38 am

Sometimes the pessimistic imagination just fails us.

Gleem_McShineys May 13, 2011 at 2:28 pm

I guess we should basically be thankful that he's not equating it to Hitler.

EBGrey May 13, 2011 at 11:03 am

Who knew, JFK liked to pray in the cross-armed Mormon style.

As to JFK's prayer…"Dear Lord, please send me another buxom hooker. And please use your heavenly powers to dispose of the dead hooker that is in the trunk of my car."

jqheywood May 13, 2011 at 12:01 pm

I would much rather have a President like Kennedy, than one like, say, Reagan: I want the person with a finger on the nuke button to be looking forward to banging a starlet/intern/mobster's girlfriend, or even his own hot wife, than to have forgotten about the whole sex thing entirely.

Lazy Media May 13, 2011 at 11:11 am

Mittens' lack of popularity with wingnuts won't matter, and he'll be nominated, because the money Republicans are going to back him, and he'll get ALL the non-Teabaggers after Pawlenty, Daniels, et. al. .drop out because they waited too long to get in and got no munnies. The wingnuts will sulk a little, but if you describe the details of Obamacare, they actually LIKE it (it resembles their beloved SSI), and they'll support whatever tiny tweaks Mittens says he'll do to "repeal" it.

The only real wingnut to run will be Ron Paul. Trump's just been trolling the whole time, and Palin isn't doing anything she doesn't get paid a lot of money to do. Huckabee will play the part of Pat Robertson/Pat Buchanan again, but that will just help weed out the other fringies like Bachmann.

Now, what would be AWESOME would be if the Koch brothers decided to back Bachmann, which could give her a chance in a lot of your redder state primaries. Obama vs. Bachmann would be the most awesome matchup since Godzilla vs. Bambi.

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 11:19 am

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/

Supposed liberal Joshua Beauregard Green is already paving the way for Lou Sarah to turn back & run as a moderate/reformer.

Good going, The Atlantic. Make your abolitionist founders proud.

mog253 May 13, 2011 at 11:34 am

Mittens probably does like the death panels part of Obamacare, reduces the surplus population!

proudgrampa May 13, 2011 at 11:38 am

"The fuel rods have been exposed for so long, releasing so much radiation, that the little guys have probably gotten tired and cooled off."

I'm no scientist, but if these fuel rods are radiating isotopes of plutonium or other nuclear materials, their half lives are measured in decades, if not thousands of years. These babies are just getting started.

We are freakin' doomed.

hagajim May 13, 2011 at 11:41 am

Poor Mittens…hoisted upon his own petard as it were.

mavenmaven May 13, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Superman is soft on illegal immigrants, apparently. Not good enough for the teabaggers.

notreelyhelping May 13, 2011 at 12:12 pm

What do you mean by "Superman" doesn't exist? I thought he showed up every April to have a brew with his apostles.

KenLayIsAlive May 13, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Mitt Romney: Profiles in Douchage.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum May 13, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Mitt's best strategy is to run in 2016 as a Democrat.

voodooeconomics May 13, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Mitt, in a party of dicks why Mitt, why aren't you one of them.

Negropolis May 14, 2011 at 12:02 am

He’s not strong enough a man to watch and laugh while the health of some unprivileged citizens suffers needlessly.

This sums up Romney's entire candidacy pretty well.

It's just crazy that the individual mandate was a Republican policy, just like cap-and-trade originally was, and not even that long ago. Shows just how crazy the party has gotten.

horsedreamer_1 May 13, 2011 at 11:14 am

For those who like the status quo, which seems to be plenty, given 2010, the slogan "Constancy" would be a winner.

PubOption May 13, 2011 at 11:17 am

Will the Planks keep a constant position on anything?

vulpes82 May 13, 2011 at 11:35 am

Don't forget the pouches! Pouches for everyone!

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