Sure, yoga may seem like a calming form of exercise to you, but you must have forgotten that everything in the world that was not created by Christians is inherently evil. According to American Family Association writer Marsha West, many American Christian women see nothing wrong with going to a yoga studio instead of laying on the couch watching teevee and eating potato chips intravenously (to avoid the exercise of chewing), as God intended. But these women have been corrupted by the Devil and his hellish stretches and can no longer be called Christian at all, for they are now officially members of EASTERN RELIGIONS, which will destroy America after they’ve infiltrated us with the yoga. “Sadly, Christians have become worldly.” How awful.
Yoga is not “just exercising.” Participants are being swept into a counterfeit religion. According to God’s Word, pagan religions, such as Hinduism and Buddhism, are evil. The Bible clearly says that God’s people are to have nothing to do with wicked customs.
Next thing you know, once-good American Christian women will have brown skin and “slanty eyes!” The horror!
But even evangelicals who aren’t so crazy as to pray for the destruction of yoga studios can still be pretty crazy. An anti-yoga seminary president received letters:
When word got out he received a rash of emails from those who call themselves Christians, 90% of whom were women, telling him in no uncertain terms to put a sock in it. [...]
“From a “devoted Southern Baptist church member who resents your ignorance”: I get much more out of yoga and meditation than I ever get out of a sermon in church. From “a Christian who goes to church every service”: My favorite image I use in yoga is that of Jesus assuming a perfect yoga position in the garden of Gethsemane as he prays. And, to cap it all off: How do we know that the apostles and early Christian guys did not use yoga to commune with Jesus after he left?”
Ugh, women! You are the ones who need to put a sock into it! There was a reason Jesus didn’t have female disciples: He knew they would quickly betray him for a fancy new yoga mat and God’s Kingdom would be overrun by those dogs that do yoga.
SAVE AMERICA! STOP EXERCISING! [AFA]
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"There was a reason Jesus didn’t have female disciples"
That's because none of us would believe that he disappeared for three days and just showed up again, claiming to be dead. Face it, if that shit worked every day would be Easter for men.
It worked for Ken Lay.
http://intensedebate.com/people/kenlayisalive
It almost worked for Mark Sanford.
You mean, Mark Sanford (D-So. Car.).
In my Sunday School class, I always remind the kids that Jesus showed his risen self to women first. Plus, Lydia and shit.
"Jesus showed his risen self to women first"
First thing in the morning, too, I bet.
Well, then I'm sorta like Jesus in one way – I only show my risen self to women.
even in your college days?
I cannot top this so I will refrain from commenting in this posting. Barb is a winner!
You can easily top it. I have faith in you.
And here I thought the reason didn't have female disciples was because the early church became male dominated, particularly when it became the official religion of the Roman Empire, and the men who ran it got to define who were officially disciples and decided the women didn't count, even though several women clearly were his disciples in the Gospels. Ever hear of Mary Magdalene?
If you read pagan complaints about early xtns, one common was that they were mostly women.
I was going to go with "patriarchy", but yours works too.
Nope, they were too busy fixing the Last Summer and washing feet with their hair to have time for never-ending, boring theological debates with guys in bunny slippers.
"There was a reason Jesus didn’t have female disciples"
What about all the hookers hanging around with the apostles? The various Maries, too?
"What about all the hookers hanging around with the apostles?"
So, according to the anti-yoga folks, the *men* who hung around with Jesus were his apostles, and the *women* who hung around with Jesus were random whores.
Lots of male hookers in the greco-roman world.
Yeah… No female disciples but Jesus shared the biggest secret he had with the chicks first….
That was a transparent effort to get into their pants, er, under their robes.
Jesus, +211?! If you keep this up, the mean girls are going to gather in a different thread and gossip about you!
224 now, I guess the mean guys are going to join in too, lol!
"There was a reason Jesus didn’t have female disciples"
Because he lived with his mother until he was 30, had no paying job, and hung around with twelve other unemployed men?
Downward-facing Neanderthals.
Neanderthal Anti-Defamation Society is on line three for you.
It's all downward, Dog !
Neanderthals had huge brains, massive muscles, and cared for their sick and elderly. Nothing about any of that screams contemporary American Christianity.
Of course it's evil. If women get all flexible they might be tempted to try sex that includes something other than three sweaty minutes in the missionary position. Which is an unfair and satanic burden on their husbands.
Three minutes? These are unspoilt Christians here. They're lucky to make it past foreplay*
*Christian foreplay meaning vigorous flagellation.
I'll stay a pagan and go with the vigorous fellation.
Who would you do it for, if not for Jesus?
or *whom*
"Who would you do it for, if not for Jesus?"
You'd like a list of names?
"Christian foreplay meaning vigorous flagellation."
And/or ten minutes of begging.
If the wimmins did the Yoga, they might actually start enjoying sex! I know, the nerve, right? and, we can't have none of that.
I dunno. Christians don't seem to have issues with having Christmas Trees or eating chocolate Easter Eggs. Or Halloween candy. Or all that other Pagan shit that makes them fat and consider Yoga.
those all are fine because those were from white Pagans
yoga on the other hand is from brown Pagans,, which are satanic and anti-Jaysus
Breathing deeply and finding her center, Annie performed a Sun Rising Fist Upward upon arihaya.
Om.
Newsflash: all white pagans were once brown pagans, since we all came from Africa, and white pagans are just the ones that made it to the Northern latitudes and had to lose some skin coloration or perish from Vitamin D deficiency.
(Not directed at you, just idiots in general.)
Why yes, we white folk are a genetic anomaly that will correct itself in a few generations. Say that to a knuckle dragging bubba (if you're properly prepared for a spirited discussion, firearms do come in handy) and watch they teeny tiny little ol' pointy haids 'splode! Blue eyes, red and blonde hair, will be gone in a few generations if we don't wipe ourselves out in the meantime.
Thank goodness. I'd trade an awful lot of gingers and pale blondes for a few more Halle Berrys and suchlike.
Three words for you:
Yoga Fire!
Yoga Fire!
Yoga Flame!
I knew it! Yoga is the one where they worship Satan and stuff, i'n't it?
Dhalsim was always my favorite. much better than that fat ass, Karnov.
There was a reason Jesus didn’t have female disciples…
Um actually, He did. He didn't have any female Apostles or so says the Magic Words Book Thingie (which is, of course, absolutely, totally, completely, dinosaur-ridin' Jeebus true, dontchaknow?).
In related news, Bryan Fischer regularly displays his "downward dog" expertise in the backroom of Rumours.
Girls are dum.
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. Too fat to do any of those exercises yourself, eh?
No wonder her husband believes in sex for procreation ONLY!!!
http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Business/im...
This comment brought forth an image that has haunted me for years. In the old advertisements for "Sweatin' to the Oldies" there was an obese woman giving a testimonial: "when I first got the video, the only part I could do was clap."
I'm not sure whether that's A Good Thing or A Bad Thing, but it stands to reason that if obese people wanted to lose weight, get healthy, etc., they would probably have to find an exercise they could do easily at first, and then work their way up to more challenging activities.
yeah, the American Christian way – don't do any damn exercise at all, and Jesus will provide you a scooter (perhaps with truck nutz….)
We can only dream….ladies, speaking as a straight man there's nothing sexier than a pale whale ridin' a scooter festooned with truck nutz and confederate flag stickers. Oh and don't fergit the chewin' tabacco to complete "the look" you sexy thangs.
By the way, considering all the closeted el ghey running 'round the fundie movement, does it suprise you they'd be repulsed by a fit, flexible woman? Just saying fundie Christians, if you keep it up…people are gonna talk.
…Wait…I don't understand…Why do the evangelicals hate Star Wars…..OH yoga. My mistake……
…Wait…I still don't understand…
If somebody would plausibly combine yoga with Star Wars ("plausible" here meaning "distract me to the point that I fail to notice that my prodigiously non-flexible tendons and ligaments are doing yoga"), I might plausibly be convinced to try it.
Some of them do hate Star Wars, for allegedly promoting paganism with the Force stuff – really.
Hating a non-visible Spirit that binds all living things together…..Sounds like they're shitting where they eat on that one.
How 'bout those Xtians that think if you're poor, that's proof that you aren't in Jesus' good graces? What gospel did they get that from?? The Gospel According to John of Galt?
It's pretty straight-up Buddhism, I thought. Is Buddhism considered paganism?
"Star Wars wrapped the beliefs and practices of Hinduism in a high-tech, science fiction saga. Obi Wan was a sorcerer; Yoda was a yogi by design and practice, and the incredibly successful film series propelled Eastern mysticism into the minds of Western youth." Yep, they're entirely serious about the spiritual threat of science fiction movies.
Tricksy Yoda. He fools us. "War does not make one great". "Thou shalt not kill".
Buncha learned lefty pacifists says I.
Y'all should be making sandwiches, not stretching ur nethers.
Only men can exercise. Ask Pat Robertson" His milkshake brings the girls to the yard.
What does Sharia Law say about yoga? This could be common ground for Southern Baptists and Muslins.
Puh, they have plenty of common ground already. (with talibany muslns)
They are competitors, hence the angst about each other!
Oh-ho! Newcomer! Is Mr. Fischer still in rehabilitation for his Lady Gaga fandom?
It's all non-denominational fun and games until you get stuck in a pose and can't get free. Then you'll be findin' Jesus!
Okay. Can men do yoga??
Of Course! Men can do whatever they want.
I'm a man, and I gave yoga a fair shot. My sister the yoga instuctor gave all us siblings an introductory session, which she said was "moderately strenuous" for a first-timer. After about 15 minutes, I got really nauseous. "Oh, that's the alcohol and red meat in your system, you have to stop eating that stuff if you want to do yoga."
Buh-bye, yoga.
My wife convinced me to go with her to 2 yoga classes. I could barely move the next day after each class.
try gentle yoga- I can do it but not "real yoga"
Isn't Tai Chi supposed to be the non-Cirque-Du-Soleil version of yoga?
More like the slow-motion version of martial arts but if I could find a class I would go for it.
Mary Magdalene was pretty flexible, I hear.
I'm sure there was a great deal of divine saddlebacking involved.
Next thing you know, once-good American Christian women will have brown skin and “slanty eyes!”
Please forgive, I'm going to revert to my pre-enlightenment troglodytish persona here, but I for one would welcome a nation of LBFM's.
Umm… don't go clicky-clicking on LBFM google results at work…
Today's lesson: Urban Dictionary has no pictures.
I agree!
Oooooooh I googled it. The more you know.
Don't get me started on that hot yoga. All those moistened parts. Epically unGodly.
Yeah, the Athleta catalog is A Problem, agreed. The unholiest of catalogs.
Is there any group out there than more regularly comes out with completely bonkers (to use the technical term) statements than does the AFA?
They make the KKK, Lou Sarah and the WND seem measured and calm. Well maybe not the WND.
Saner than WSJ, at least the editorial dept.
I always like to refer to them as 'SPLC Hate Group AFA…'
Being Fat and Lazy help Christians meet God sooner rather than later.
I owned a Yoga back in the eighties. Thing always ended up in the shop.
Malcolm Bricklin has a lot to apologize for, especially the Yugo. But at least he brought the Subaru to these shores, to the continuing delight of lesbians everywhere.
So, my wife and me are lesbians? Wanna watch us go at it?
hawt
Especially the Bricklin, too.
Also, too, Marsha West is owner of possibly the ugliest website in the history of EVER, with the exception of our pyromaniacal friends over at Amazing Grace Baptist.
Man, that thing is like the textbook for Ugly Design 403, "New Frontiers in Ocular Pain Inducement." How does she do that cool blue drop-shadow on black text?
Instead of having words, she has screenshots of words. Try and highlight some text.
I thought my mouse was just exhibiting good taste.
Jaysus, was that font chosen for unreadability? The red and blue was an unexpected choice.
Those sites almost give Time Cube a run for it's money
Whoa! And it has a "Christian Counter", too! I wonder if it counted me when I stopped by?
Also, I may be showing my lack of savvy here, but is that AGB website real? With the "Satanist!" screeds against Tim LaHaye and Chuck Colson, of all people, I would have thought it was a parody, but you never know with those guys.
AFAIK, it's real. Plus, I get the feeling they're not self-aware enough to know from parody.
There must be something about these geocities throwbacks that makes the conservatives feel safe and nostalgic. They also look strangely like the local bear posters in the Austin gay bars, at least they have the same taste in awful fonts.
I've got to go with the AG Baptists on that one. Not only is does their Web site feature some guy in a suit jumping out of a "flame," did you see what they were burning? For those of you who don't want to sully yourselves, I'll tell you. THEY WERE BURNING THE BIBLE!!!
That's right, colleagues. They were burning the New International Version and Good News for Modern Man and a bunch of other versions–because those weren't the true and only word of God, you know, the King James Version!
Where the hell do those Yahoos think that THAT version came from? Translators hired by James I and VI of England and Scotland. Plainly, the only group in the history of Christianity to know the true word of God. What version did they consult?
Jesus. Can't we just give this place back to the Natives?
Anyway, thanks for that, Elv. Truly inspirational. Sorry for the rant.
And the most clueless…her column links to another post in which she claims that if a component of Christian exercise (What?) made its way into a public school exercise program "The ACLU would file a lawsuit faster than the speed of a 56K modem.".
Now granted, this was from 2006 but really? a 56K modem? Did she recycle this column from 1996?
"Christian exercise"
That's where the kids have to drag a cross around the running track that surrounds the football field.
Can they wear White hood when they do that?
When word got out he received a rash of emails from those who call themselves Christians, 90% of whom were women, telling him in no uncertain terms to put a sock in it.
Or, as I would put it to this person, "Down, dog!"
Weightlifting, on the other hand, is a good, Christian activity. The snatch is preferred but the jerk will do.
Bend with your knees.
Good Christian women are also experts at the Bend and Snap.
Everyone knows that yoga only exist so women can have sex with circumcised heathens.
Given that the more fundamentalist Christian you are, the more likely you are to be fat. And the fatter you are, the more likely you are to be fundamentalist Christian, it is a good thing for Bible thumpers to nip this yoga-exercise thing in the bud.
Seriously, how do you expect people to breathe through navels they haven't seen since the early 1980s?
HEY! Fat and atheist over here.
OK, more "apathetic" than "atheist", but still. . . .
Honestly! As if they could do yoga…..
And should we not give a great shout out to the AFA for pointing out the truly evil religions that are responsible for most of the worlds problems. Hinduism and Buddhism.
Think of all the murders committed in Buddha's name!
Like the ethnic cleansing of Tamils by Sinhalese Buddhists in Sri Lanka, for example? All religions have engaged in the same sort of bloody tribalism. People are people.
BTW – I like that the Christian downfister downfisted your comment about Buddha. He's very confused.
So why can't we see?
Very true, but it is very hard to kill your neighbor when you have your legs wrapped around your head.
It's very hard to kill your neighbor when someone else has their legs wrapped around your head. too. also.
I do get pissed off that liberal Westerners think that Buddhism is "the only good religion" or "not really a religion" or similar. ALL religions are good in small doses with a pinch of salt, but lead to braindead and neurosis when swallowed whole.
Are you unaware of all the pedophiles in those Tibetan monasteries?
Marxism, over the last 100 years
The devil comes in a pink leotard, and stretches. Beware.
I see a romance novel here.
Christians obviously have only a featherweight commitment to their faith. A strong, compelling theology would not be vulnerable to yoga routines.
"The devil comes in a pink leotard, and stretches. Beware."
No, the devil comes in a RED leotard.
The guy in the pink leotard is *Satin*, the devil's gay brother.
Marsha West is right. I gave up yogurt the day I came to know Jesus.
None of that fancy liberal culture for my small intestine! I'm like Branson down there.
Santorum warned us about downward dog.
And HE would know.
Marsha does have a point though. I never read one thing about Jesus stretching or warming up before being savagely beaten by the Romans. And crucifiction is an endurance exercise on your abdominals.
The discussion on that page, is of course, about White People Jesus, whose only exercise is throwing non-White people and women into Hell for eternity.
The actual historical circle of Jesus is described as being mystics in 2 Corinthians:12 1-4.
"I've said it before, Vicar, and I'll say it again. What that boy needs is a nice, big cock up his arse."
Say it, don't spray it.
Looks like Downy McDownfister isn't leaving his chair anytime soon, either. Don't drop your Cheetos! You might be forced to bend over!
And you get an upfist! And you get an upfist! And you get an upfist!
The downfister doesn't like us poking fun at his quaint little faith-based system that views yoga as a threat to our immortal souls.
It's just some automated script that runs. Wonder if I can post this here:
jQuery('.idc-v-up').click();
(edit: yes, yes I can. That will upvote everybody.)
But where do you PUT this upfisting?
The reason yoga is so feared is because yoga goes hand in hand with meditation, which goes hand in hand with clearing your mind of extraneous, destructive thoughts, which goes hand in hand with critical thinking, which goes hand in hand with realizing that all that religious teaching is just malarkey, which goes hand in hand with not tithing to the church which goes hand in hand with shoving evangelical preachers out into the gutters, where they belong.
A bit of a stretch, but then again we are talking about yoga.
Keep going. I like where you're taking this.
Let me know when you get to the part about the last king being strung up with the guts of the last priest.
Ah, Diderot! This caused me to spend the last 15 minutes reading all the quotations attributed to him on wikiquote.
"In any country where talent and virtue produce no advancement, money will be the national god. Its inhabitants will either have to possess money or make others believe that they do. Wealth will be the highest virtue, poverty the greatest vice. Those who have money will display it in every imaginable way. If their ostentation does not exceed their fortune, all will be well. But if their ostentation does exceed their fortune they will ruin themselves. In such a country, the greatest fortunes will vanish in the twinkling of an eye. Those who don't have money will ruin themselves with vain efforts to conceal their poverty. That is one kind of affluence: the outward sign of wealth for a small number, the mask of poverty for the majority, and a source of corruption for all."
Donald Trump.
MOAR ANTI-AMERICA SCREAD FROM OBUMMER'S DEVIL-PASTOR JEREMIAH WHITE-AINT-WRIGHT!!!11!!!11!!1
Can I get an Amen!
This my favorite comment from a good Christian woman, and as someone wha has practiced yoga for over 10 years now I can say it is probably the ONE thing that kept me from going insane during the Bush reign of terror… "My favorite image I use in yoga is that of Jesus assuming a perfect yoga position in the garden of Gethsemane as he prays."
…and this one is right on too, gets the *official* Jeebus seal of approval! "I get much more out of yoga and meditation than I ever get out of a sermon in church"
“Sadly, Christians have become worldly.”
Uhh, actually, many/most of them, not so much.
So in their eyes it's a great sin to actually pay attention to real world, nice.
"My favorite image I use in yoga is that of Jesus assuming a perfect yoga position…"
And Jesus farted.
Tee-Hee
Pavana maktasana: for when you overdo it on hummus during Passover.
I love the smell of Jesus gas in the morning. The smell, you know that methane smell, the whole Calvary hill. Smells like… salvation. Someday this war's gonna end…
Grrrr. Witches flexible sexy sexy Witches!
You suppose Christine O'Donnell dabbled in yoga?
Thanks its not good to let ones libido run away with itself at work. The Christine crack was like a splash of very cold water.
Ugh, please don't mention Christine's crack.
Duh. #Witching!
If women want to get in shape, they should get liposuction as the Lord intended.
You know who else liked to suck on a little bit of fat?
But how does this effect Yogi Bear?
Or Wimpy?
I'd gladly work out and fast tuesday for a hamburger today .
"According to God’s Word, pagan religions, such as Hinduism and Buddhism, are evil." All right, Hinduism has a fair amount of sins to answer for — the caste system, wars with muslins, etc — but please, please please show me in the goddamn Bible where it says Buddhism is evil. It's not even a religion! How many crusades did the Buddhists conduct? How heroically did the Buddhists fight to resist the Chinese invasion?
These people…jeezus.
I don't know. Perhaps it's time to unleash the… (forgive my Spanish)
Kraken?
Wouldn't want Xtian women to get all worldly and such: fancy clothes, cars, plastic surgery, jewelry, grifting of goody bags. Also.
I dunno. When I saw Will Ferrell's character doing yoga in an SNL skit, it looked like he was having a religious experience to me.
Almost par for the course when stretching your loins. #Tigerblood
Honestly, I am fine with most middle american "christian" women not doing yoga. All of that spandex…..and I am not a fan of moose knuckles.
Though, thinking of the green energy potentials. All that mass movement??? If they could do it just off shoreline the wave action could power a third world country. Which, by the way, America is quickly becoming.
And that woman, Mary, who had a child out of wedlock? She used "natural childbirth." And wasn't even in a hospital!
Clearly, the take-home message as that all truly Christian births take place in the company of farm animals.
Fuckin' hippies.
To be fair, Bikram *does* sound pretty Musliney.
Nothing could be more American than Bikram yoga, a half-assed derivation with ludicrous fees and dubious claims. And he wants to start competitive yoga. Wrap your brain around that.
Real American, for sure.
I think its Vikram turned to Bikram, the original meaning Victory. So the whole competitive yoga does go well with that whole concept.
The AFA is all about rooting out the insidious influences of foreign cultures on good Americans. This yoga thing might be their biggest catch since they discovered the mildly animistic flavor of yams, which could've ruined Thanksgiving for millions of Americans except that they found the African thoughts could be silenced by applying a layer of marshmallows to the dish.
Is that what that flavor is? Man, animism goes great with butter.
And yes, we all know how terrified Africans are of marshmallows. Forget the birth certificate – just put a s'more in front of this guy, and he'll fold like a card table.
Plus loads of caretin to cure yer cancer.
For men their age, the Koch brothers have surprisingly flexible spines. Coincidence?
If God was ok with yoga he would have slipped some Amerika Juice (hi fructose corn syrup) into it.
Is Kegling still okay?
with a crucifix?
Isn't there something in the bible about a camel passing through the eye of a needle?
I wish I hadn't read that as "pissing".
I can't sleep now.
I was not aware that those muscles were used for bowling.
At least Marsha has nothing to say about us heathen Jewesses, so we are okay to continue our kvetching exercises.
Remember, your job is return to Israel so that Jebus can come back.
It's like Christianity is a really bad season of "Lost."
You forgot the whole part about coming back so that he can send them to hell. The Jews are a means to an end in Evangelical Christianity, and nothing more, and I'd hope we'd never let either of the two groups forget that, because they are both good at pretending that they are somehow allies based on mutual love of one another. They aren't. There are lies, and then damned lies, and tthis is definitely one of the latter.
Marsha had just skipped her afternoon snack and in contemplating the heretical bodily evidence, confusing the yoga positions she saw with their food-like counterparts, her mind jumped to Luke 22:31:
"Simon, Simon. Satan has asked to
sift you as wheattwist you as a pretzel. But I have prayed for you Simon, and when you return,convertcontort your brothers."There were women among the disciples (not to be confused with "apostles") hearing this message too, Marsha might remember with her stomach growling through another hunger-hallucination as she observes the she-yogi's practice positions, holding stiller than pillars of rock salt.
These are the barking mad variety of ignoramus who beleive that Proctor and Gamble is the brand of Satan on account of the cool little man-in-the-moon and stars label.
No, that story was started and spread by Amway, because P&G was a commercial rival! Absolutely true!
Yup. It sure was Amway, or at least distributors, probably in the southern United States where shit like that passes as fact from one retard,er, person to another.
So this lady seems to think using anything invented by non-Christians is evil; I'd say that would mean she'd have to refuse to use algebra (Muslims) or even our basic numeral system (Hindus), but she probably doesn't know how to do math anyway. She probably thinks it was heroic when the early Christians, who believing like her that all non-Christian thought was worthless, burned down the great library of Alexandria, destroying much of the ancient world's philosophy, literature and history forever.
She would also have to stop, you know, being Christian, given that early Christianity was a syncretic agglomeration of various historical / regional religious practices. Her argument folds in on itself like a mobius strip made of stupid.
"Her argument folds in on itself like a mobius strip made of stupid. "
*steals this*
*runs away*
The early xtns were all catholic anyway, and Babtists (as I'm sure you know) think catholics are not xtn at all!
Idol worshipers.
No no, you've got it all backwards. Catholics hijacked the joint with their ball gowns, ruby slippers and incense-on-a-rope. Muscular Jesus would have kicked their asses!
Sorry, Prots are imitation Muslims; that's why they wereprotected/promoted by the Ottomans, early 1500s.
Personally, I wonder about the libraries of Tyre and Carthage.
Um, that was the Romans. Pre-Christianity.
You think she can do algebra?
Can she do trig?
Yoga spelled backwards is A goy. QED!
9 days!!! I have to start spending my pension and drinking up everything in liquor cabinet. Wonder how long that Kahlua has been in there???
Does it matter with Kahlua?
Women. God forbid they nibble on the fruit of knowledge and become extremely flexible.
Depends – how many of them are familiars?
(Oh, stereotypes, we kid)
Also yoga makes you gay.
More pussy than you can shake a stick at, obvs.
On the other hand Zumba and aerobic pole dancing classes are fine, cuz, you know, they're secular.
Veriliy I say unto to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a fat Christian to get into Heaven. Or was it rich? No matter.
Same goes for eating with with chop sticks. Just one more step down the slippery slope
Every half naked picture of Jesus I've seen shows him with Abs of Steel, so I don't know what their problem is. Messiah is sexy!
Yoga is evil. Celebrating Bin Laden's death in the park by beer bonging with your friends, however, is just full of Jesus-y goodness.
And Moses looked upon the Deadites and mumbled, "The Lord sayeth Thou Shall not break a sweat. Thou shall buy elastic and XXXL and be happy. "
My Bible says: "And it came to pass that Christianity was turned into a fucking joke by zealots with sticks up their asses. Verily they reduced a religion that started out pretty good with all the 'do unto others' and 'cast out the moneylenders' and 'for fucks sake don't kill each other' into a 'shop at walmart for all your rapture needs type of hucksteranity."
Well, it does. In my Bible. Doesn't yours say that? Well, I've got a copy I'll sell you.
To labor in the service of those whose chariots have square wheels, must one be paid a princely sum.
Talk to anyone from India and tell them that you do yoga and they will laugh.
Apparently, the people who practice yoga in India, are not the "educated elites" from India who make it here to America…
It's changing a bit. Upper class Indians are starting to practice… American style yoga.
Marsha, Powerful you have become, The dark side I sense in you.
Christ on a yoga mat, how many damn downfisters are on here today? I'm upfisting like mad and everyone's p-ness seems to be dropping anyway.
I hope when you get to the gates of heaven, St. Peter is sitting Siddhasana with light shining out of his palms, you fucks.
Pro-AFA down-fisters, it is a brave new world. And someone has to be Caliban.
whutt now, yoga? next, it's yogurt? Yugos? Youtube? anythin' soundin' furrin' get them folk riled up…
Two of the neighbors on my street live in yurts.
That Yoga Matt gets a lot of tail.
In what exercise regiment does Bristle participate?
Not really a regiment. It's the 2/72nd Prophylactic Testing Detachment at Ft. Hymen, Utah.
The Monstrous Regimen?
I don't think bending over and grabbing her ankles can fairly be called an exercise regimen.
Oh, you said "regiment". Well, I suppose sexually servicing a regiment of whitetrash trailer dwellers would exercise *certain* muscles.
Even if you took all of the lotus, within-you-without-you stuff out of it, yoga is still pretty much stretching, breathing deeply, and meditating, which are about as anti-American as can be imagined.
Also: don't tell them about the second shakra. Then again, do, by all means.
Of COURSE we're witches for doing yoga. Wouldn't be fun otherwise.
Actually the world is going to end on the 21st of 2012. I know, I was disappointed too.
No no no, May 21 is just when they all get Raptured away, leaving the rest of us to fornicate like heathens in their absence until October 21.
Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter
Fuck a newsletter. Let the fornicating commence!
Ooooh! Nasty papercuts …
"The Bible clearly says that God’s people are to have nothing to do with wicked customs."
I'll remember that the next time I decorate my Christmas Tree and hang some Mistletoe.
"anti-yoga seminary president"
at Bob Jones U?
True.
And, as said above, the Buddhist majority in Sri Lanka doing their best to wipe out the (mainly Hindu or Catholic) Tamils. Or the King of Thailand, once a Buddhist monk, nodding at military coups.
Buddha doesn't get a free pass any more than Jesus or Mohammed do for evil perpertrated by his fanboys.
Marsha's favorite (secret) position is the Supine Zeppelin.
Like Subaru gay.
Is American football still allowed by Christianity? If we can't go deep into each other's end zones, what will we do for exercise and/or recreation?
"Is American football still allowed by Christianity?"
No. The same verse that they love to quote when they want to prove that it's forbidden to be gay also forbids touching a pigskin.
They are not interested in looking to Christ "for all that we need and to obey Christ through obeying his Word" as Mohler suggested, rather they are inclined to participate in Eastern mystical practices such as meditation.
Well, goodness knows that Jesus was literally born in Kansas. Not to be confused with some EASTERN person who does EASTERN MYSTICAL* stuff.
*sitting quietly
Funny enough, I happen to know a group of fundamentalist Muslims who feel the EXACT SAME WAY about yoga.
Isn't Yoga the Sanskrit word for "stretching ones ass muscles?"
I thought that was "sodomy."
I take it no one told Marsha West where Jesus backpacked between the ages of 12 and 30.
Not surprisingly, it turns out that yoga and Christian bloggers are BOTH Abominations unto Nuggan.
Shorter Marsha West: My imaginary sky friend doesn't want you playing with any other imaginary sky friends. Or borrowing their toys, even.
I think you just summarized 95% of the world's problems, actually.
Marsha West – bah! Bryan Fischer or GTFO.
Once again, the famous Wonkette misdirection….you do know this is really about the fundamental investment in hoverround futures, right…?
On the other hand:
And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.
You know how the bible nuts always have bumper stickers, etc. with the chapter and verse of their favorite parts of their bible?
I'd like to have one that says "Matthew 5:6" (I think that's the above) because I think it would be cool as all get out to have a bible citation that basically says, "Shut up about your religion".
I love yoga.
My wife can put her legs behind her ears like no tomorrow.
Pics or it didn't happen…
Wait until they find out about Arabic numerals!
Yeah, right, like they can add two and two without taking off their mittens!
This reminds me of when a top Islamic cleric in Malaysia put out a fatwa warning against the practice of yoga, because it wasn't muslimy enough. Good to see we're following such enlightened worldviews.
This is why we can't have nice things.
I wonder if Bryan and Marsha are fucking; for Jesus, I mean.
At least if they are is saves some other poor bastard.
Halleluyah!
Yes! Yoga is all about cultivating the Shakiras, which turns Decent White Women into bottom-gyrating, bottle-blonde wenches. Dudes, also.
You know that you really, really need to shut the fuck up when Southern Baptist women, I repeat, SOUTHERN FUCKING BAPTIST WOMEN, tell you that you are too conservative. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Jesus does yoga: http://www.theonion.com/articles/christ-getting-i...
Those women should do like Jebus says in the Bible and go make Him a Sandwich.
who would benefit from vigorous fellation? Greg, that's who.
*upfist*
Whom?
Nope, who's right.
As a ginger, I'd trade it for the ability to stay out in the summer sun without getting turned bright red with the painful burning.
OK, then it's settled.
Cave will take the brunettes, I get the blondies and the redheads.
Everybody's happy.
Nope, Who's on first
x 2
(I'm not a true ginger, but auburn hair and very fair skin. I remember one time on a very sunny day seeing a very, very dark black guy at the beach who was obviously having the best time absorbing as much sun as possible. My first thought was, "What I wouldn't give for skin that color." My next thought was, "Did I really just say I'd rather be black in America? OK, maybe not.")
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