Osama Bin Laden Directive: Don't Bother Killing Joe Biden

"He talks about targeting priorities," the counterterror official said. "He says the president is of course the top target if you could get a shot at him. Also the military chiefs like the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the defense secretary, top military people. There is a note indicating that the vice president is not an important target because that position has less weight."

We presume Biden responded to this news defiantly, challenging that scrawny Obama to step on a bathroom scale and prove he weighs more. Then Biden returned to his vice presidential duty of the day, staining his house's deck. [ ProPublica ]