american sickness

Where 1% Controls 40% of Wealth & 25% of Income, Donald Trump Is Loved

The horror, the horror.Roger Ebert, commenting on that Vanity Fair article that so upset the Wonkette Community, says this: “Wanton consumption is glorified. Corruption is rewarded. Ordinary people see their real income dropping, their houses sold out from under them, their pensions plundered, their unions legislated against, their health care still under attack …. Yet the most visible plutocrat in America is Donald Trump, a man who has made a fetish of his power.” Not just visible, but loved by the struggling white working class somehow duped into supporting the anti-American plunder personified by the evil industrialist exploitative Koch Brothers. Speaking of the Koch Brothers, we noticed on a family vacation last week that Koch Brothers’ evil industrialist brands “Brawny” (devastated forests) and “Dixie” (Southern white-power name for devastated forests) sponsor that whole back corner of “Critter Country,” behind that Splash Mountain thing. Shouldn’t Disney be boycotted for taking money from the anti-family anti-American Koch Brothers?

Oh, ye dumb nation! Trump is being run out of the race, of course. But he’s not being run out by the Republican base. They’ve seen him on teevee! He marries another Czech hooker every couple of years and is wary of “the blacks” and can’t even manage to hang onto the MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of dollars his parents gave him, because he was born both rich and stupid, which is why he keeps going bankrupt (which means “defaulting on your bills,” which for regular Americans means disaster, but the ultra-rich are not punished for not paying bills, they are in fact rewarded for it).

Anyway. [Roger Ebert]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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  1. Gopherit

    Yeah, well, I control a pantry with various foodstuffs and several cats……and I am happy. HAPPY GODDAMN IT!

      1. Gopherit

        I do. I really do. See the above reference to a pantry with foodstuffs. WHERE ARE YOUR OPPOSABLE THUMBS, KITTIES??!! MUAHAHAHA!

        1. Arken

          They don't need to open the pantry. They have you to do it for them. And you think you control them.

        2. Buckminster

          They may have no opposable thumbs, but they have sharp little claws and teeth and they can pee on EVERYTHING, including the ceiling.

          Scary little bastards! Mine rule me with iron claws.

          1. Fuck Toad

            Seriously. My little monster was just on a goddamn DIET and he still decided to take it out on me any chance he got. The ungrateful bastard was gnawing on my arm like a ham.

        3. Crank_Tango

          I have a case of cat food sitting on my bed and my cat likes to just lord over it like it's a stack of gold bars. if she could open them she would.

          1. Crank_Tango

            LOL well I had to move their food dish into my room cuz my roomate's dog keeps bogarting their food and getting the devil farts.

            This is the first time it has actually sparked a conversation, but I only bought the food a few days ago, and they are the only other people visiting my room these days…

          2. Crank_Tango

            lol this dog is 12 and no longer cares about anything but getting a snack of cat foods.

            also, cat poops, dug up fresh from the garden.

        4. HistoriCat

          Just remember, in the event of an emergency, you will go from controller of foodstuffs to being a foodstuff.

      2. BlueStateLibel

        You beat me to it–Gopherit's deluding himself if he thinks he controls cats…they're probably having a good chuckle at his comment right now…then it's on to raid the foodstuffs.

        1. Gopherit

          There have been many casualties in the unattended chicken sandwich department….it's true.

          1. Sparky_McGruff

            The current republican congress has redefined the rules. It shouldn't be considered a "casualty" if the chicken sandwich was just "asking for it".

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Hmmm. As a cat person, it's interesting to me how many of you couch your cat conversations in master/slave terms. I see myself on fairly equal terms with my feline companions.

      True, I feel compelled to buy them a new 20-lb bag of kibble every month or so, but my two huntresses more than make up for this in terms of fresh meat brought in through the kitty door that gives them 24/7 access to a world of endless birds, mice, shrews, woodrats and delicious, insidious, plotting terrorist SQUIRRELS.

      (Fucking squirrels!)

      1. riverside68

        Liberals are lovers.

        I myself prefer the must-work-for-approval and intermittent reward of a purr of the cat to the co-dependance of the dog. But if I ever again live outside the bounds of the leash laws and pooper scoopers, I'd love to get a big one to let loose again.

  2. WriteyWriterton

    More mit der Trump? You are pumping the dreck-tubes, Ken. Must be taking the Wonkette in for its 50,000-snark tune-up.

  3. Gopherit

    And Donald Trump is as American as egregious litigation and fucking over your friends for a profit. Also, apple pie.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      How about fucking your friends over apple pie? Because the weekend is fast approaching, and I don't want to seem ferrin' or nothin'.

      1. Gopherit

        There has to be profit in there somewhere. How about fucking then selling them the pie?

      1. hilacious

        I was actually going to say 'billion' but felt it a bit much. You're probably closer.

    1. Not_So_Much

      Someone should be flogged just for Hannah Montana. Don't even get me started on what atrocities should be visited upon whomever unleashed the Bieber/Kraaken…

    2. Pithaughn

      Sorry, but I love Disneyland. My first real job. Lost my cherry backstage of the Tiki Room ( thank you Sheryl ). First LSD experience. Championship canoe team, 1978. But, I was one of only two bartenders in the whole park so maybe that explains the fond luscious memories.

      1. hilacious

        Those are all very good reasons to be biased sir! I bet more hanky panky goes on at the Happiest Place on Earth than we could even imagine.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          From what I heard, the park is so wired by security now that the hanky panky is pretty much nada. At least, that's what the guy who wrote a one man show about his experiences as a costumed character told me.

          The show was called "Welcome to Mauschwitz" by the way, for what he was greeted with by an elderly "cast member" on his first day.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          Imagine stumbling around amidst 7-foot-tall mice, ducks, and chipmunks while on acid. (*Shudders*) Or contemplating Orange County GOP politics. (*Runs screaming into the night.*)

      2. poncho_pilot

        Darkwing Duck grabbed my mom's ass while we were taking a picture with him. coincidentally, my mom's name is Sheryl.

    3. FakaktaSouth

      I found out I was preggers at Disney once. Happiest place on Earth my ass. Also, do you have any idea how much a pregnancy test costs at Disney World?

    4. PuckStopsHere

      Got busted for attempting to blaze up in the parking lot. Happiest place on earth, my ass.

      1. hilacious

        I think the only time I was happy there was when I was knocking back red headed sluts at Ariel's Tavern.

  4. Hatrabbit

    "Trump is being run out of the race, of course."

    I thought this season of "Celebrity Pretend President" had another 24 episodes to go before the finale (Inauguration).

  5. MarcelleMarceau

    Who would have thought old Walt was a prophetic guy? Let it be known that Pluto is now the new official mascot of the GOP.

  6. hagajim

    Wanton consumption is glorified. Corruption is rewarded

    Welcome to the good ol' USA – FUCK YEAH!!!!!

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      His head is frozen, but Walt himself is on the fourth level of hell. In Walt's case, that's a nice Jewish deli with unionized staff sporting beards.

      1. poncho_pilot

        if only he'd made it to the ninth. he could have had his body frozen, as well.

  7. hagajim

    real income dropping non-existent, their houses sold out from under them losing value by the minute, their pensions plundered…What pension?

  8. Ken Layne

    John Steinbeck said it long ago: "Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires."

    1. Steverino247

      And their poor math skills keep them in line for the lottery tickets they believe will correct that embarrassment.

    2. V572..whatever

      And that's because there's a greater opportunity to become a millionaire here than anywhere else. Not to go all jingo, but it's true. The Old Money set down at the yacht basin laugh at Trump, but their money is still crisp and newly earned by European standards. The current Poors admire Trump the way Poors and people of color everywhere admired Muhammed Ali: not sure why that's true, but it really seems like it is. Something about getting all the goodies without adopting the values of the gatekeepers, I guess.

      1. Fukui_sanYesOta

        Not actually true.

        The OECD claim that inter-generational social mobility in the US, along with the UK, France and southern European countries is actually rather poor compared with other OECD countries. Stats in the link. Extract from front page:

        Policy reform can remove obstacles to intergenerational social mobility and thereby promote equality of opportunities across individuals. Such reform will also enhance economic growth by allocating human resources to their best use. This chapter assesses cross-country patterns in intergenerational social mobility and examines the role that public policies play in affecting mobility. Intergenerational earning, wage and educational mobility vary widely across OECD countries. Mobility in earnings, wages and education across generations is relatively low in France, southern European countries, the United Kingdom and the United States. By contrast, such mobility tends to be higher in Australia, Canada and the Nordic countries.

        1. V572..whatever

          Always willing to admit my worst fears are true, but is greater mobility in earnings and wages necessarily the same thing as the chance to become a millionaire? The first line of the article defines it as “the chance to earn more than one’s parents.”

          1. Fukui_sanYesOta

            Well, social mobility is more a sense of achievement potential for the population at large, which I'd argue gives a greater societal potential for improvement.

            As for millionaire creation, you're probably right. Certainly in the "shithead" fields like the financial sector, it'll outstrip London or Hong Kong, I'd imagine. In the non-shithead fields, the US definitely has the best VC-funding availability, and (arguably) the best couple of Universities. Business environment? I'm not so sure; it's been pretty similar running a company in the UK/EU and the US for me.

          2. V572..whatever

            Yeah, granting fortunes more or less at random (or according to which prep school you went to, or who you’re connected to politically, or how brilliant you are, or how hard you work) is pretty much the same as the lottery, even though some fortune-makers “deserve” to be rich, if anyone can be said to deserve such a thing. I’m extrapolating from what some immigrant friends have told me, plus my own native-born experience. What the MSM call “an unscientific poll.”

          3. poncho_pilot

            thank you for introducing the term "shithead field" to my vocabulary. i have needed a more succinct term than"the types of jobs assholes want" or "jobs for failed jocks that went to business school because they are too dumb, mean, and uncreative to do anything else".

          4. Fukui_sanYesOta

            Heh, it's how it is.

            When I was contracting as a programmer, I used to talk to a recruitment consultant (another shithead profession).

            Recruiter: Got a great one for you!

            Fukui: Oh yeah?

            Recruiter: Yeah, [obscene amount] per day!

            Fukui: Nicely. What?

            Recruiter: Banking contract – London. Your skills.

            Fukui: Not interested.

            Recruiter: Why? It's a lot of money!

            Fukui: Well, they're a bunch of cunts*

            Recruiter: <nervous laugh> Um, ok. I won't do any more banking contracts then.

            Fukui: Don't.

            * For our women wonketeers, it's not nearly so sexist in the British idiom. A difference between US and British English. It's still very rude though.

          5. bagofmice

            Cunt Insult Upgrade.
            'I would call them cunts, but that would imply a sense of depth and warmness."

  9. spudgun

    I initially read “Wanton consumption is glorified" as "Wonton consumption is glorified", which I HEARTILY endorse.

    Mmmmm, wontons…

    1. poncho_pilot

      "wanton Consumption glorified: Mycobacterium tuberculosis leads in Republican Primary poll."

    2. bagofmice

      So it's fair to say that much like our debt, you don't mind some Chinese in you. Welcome to the club.

  10. Texan_Bulldog

    He is the male Sarah Palin–classless, clueless, self-centered, racist, mean-spirited, stupid but thinks he's fucking Einstein. That is why the Republican base love him so much–he is them.

    1. Pithaughn

      They are both cunning, I'll give them that. They are the type that is always working some angle for themselves, always for THEMSELVES. Just watch and you'll see it is so. They look down on truly altruistic deeds. IF it seems like they are doing something charitable, well, there is something to be gained for themselves.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        I don't recall Sarah Palin ever making a move to help a charity. Even on a 9/11 anniversary she opposed healthcare coverage for Ground Zero firefighters. The woman is like every bitchy cheerleader in every Molly Ringwald movie.

          1. NorthStarSpanx

            It was hilarious the way with her newfound riches, she took to private learjet and bus travelin – and her bots were adoring of her avoiding the unwashed (them.) They were thrilled for her wealth and felt she shouldn't have to mingle with them unless they paid $1,000 for a photo.

  11. SmutBoffin

    "America is the wealthiest nation on Earth, but its people are mainly poor, and poor Americans are urged to hate themselves. To quote the American humorist Kin Hubbard, ‘It ain’t no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be.’ It is in fact a crime for an American to be poor, even though America is a nation of poor. Every other nation has folk traditions of men who were poor but extremely wise and virtuous, and therefore more estimable than anyone with power and gold. No such tales are told by the American poor. They mock themselves and glorify their betters. The meanest eating or drinking establishment, owned by a man who is himself poor, is very likely to have a sign on its wall asking this cruel question: ‘if you’re so smart, why ain’t you rich?’ There will also be an American flag no larger than a child’s hand – glued to a lollipop stick and flying from the cash register."

    K. Vonnegut

  12. edgydrifter

    How awesome would it be to be Canadian? Pretty awesome, I'm betting. They get to laugh at the gap-toothed American underclass slitting its own throat voting for unambiguously dick-brained charlatans like [insert name of any Republican candidate], but they don't have to live (directly, at least) with the consequences. In fact, they probably encourage it, because it makes Canada look so much smarter and better in the eyes of the rest of the world.
    Hey… wait a minute. That's their plan, isn't it? This is all Canada's fault! SUCK IT, CANADIA! USA! USA!

    1. the_problem_child

      It's true. Our charlatans are relatively intelligent. But they're still dicks who want to make us more, not less, like the US.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Um… don't look now, but guess which party now has a majority in Canada? (Just in time to ruin my plans to emigrate, eh?)

    3. Negropolis

      I'm just glad we have Obama as president, down here, right now, even with all of his faults as opposed to Mitt Romney Redux Stephen Harper. Just 'cause he ain't raving like some crazy Baptist preacher or speaking in tongues like some unhinged Pentecostal don't make him no less evil.

      Canadian evil displays itself like most of their other emotions and characteristics (reservedly), but Stephen Harper will still cut a bitch in the worst way. He'll just do it in that passively-aggresive Canadian way, eh.

  13. anniegetyerfun

    ou're familiar with the ways bad mortgages were urged upon people who couldn't afford them, by banks who didn't care that the loans were bad. The banks made the loans and turned a profit by selling them to investors while at the same time betting against them on their own account.

    Oh, whatever, Ebert. Everybody knows that the problem was black people.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        SO HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER. The media told me that the problem was "urban" types greedily taking on mortgages, the terms of which would change suddenly. Greedy people attempting to own two-bedroom bungalows. The banks just wanted to help.

        1. Pithaughn

          The Democrats forced the banks to loan to Nears. Of course the whole system imploded, it is all near Democrats fault.

          1. Gleem_McShineys

            I just received a very similar retelling of these same causes from my Beck watchin' Rush listenin' Mom, who also just happens to live in AZ now. Though she holds back on the Near terms when talking to me, thankfully.

            Must be true then!

          2. Negropolis

            I just got what "Nears" was supposed to mean. You people and your fancy Apache Navajo codetalkin'.

          3. Negropolis

            "Authentic fronteir gibberish" is a phrase I'll use forever. Thank you for that.

      1. Negropolis


        One might even say he's sleeping with the enemy.

        Once you go back, well…you better brace your back.

  14. mourningnmerica

    And the thing is, he is just such a raging, raving asshole. He is clearly sick in the mind. I think it's like Palin. The corporate media just keeps serving it up and serving it up. Everything is so sickening. After Trump, they will simply serve up the next sick asshole. What a world.

  15. DDDintensified

    Was Ken at Disney World? That explains it…I was in EPCOT last Sunday, and I wondered why they armed all the furries around the America Pavilion.

  16. Goonemeritus

    You sir will not send me to bed depressed for a second night in a row. I just discovered the local supermarket is selling Jammie Dodgers, this well make watching the new season of Doctor Who even better.

  17. Fare la Volpe

    My Canadian sorta-boyfriend offered me to stay at his place in Vancouver until all this shit in the US blows over. I'm guessing 40-45 years should be about right, no? How long does it take for one of those Socialist Revolutions™ to kick in?

    1. fuflans

      well there is harper and his win hovering like a bagger over canada's future. you may want to consider that.

      and this brand of conservative always seems to overreach…

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Just come and live with me in the Socialist Republic of Washington. As good of weed, better beer, and we don't talk funny.

  18. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Trump is just a distraction, probably working for the Vanderbilts and George Soros. The real power will only be revealed once Glenn Beck has gone to Damascus.

  19. gef05

    Proof that corporate barons, like Trump, have the general populace at heel, resides in four little numbers & letters:


    Churches around the world must slaver over the situation that corporations enjoy here.

    1. Limeylizzie

      What you call rubbery we call jam .If you can get the jam and custard ones they are rubbery AND creamy. I got downfisted for the Jammie Dodgers comment, he hates jam biscuits now?

  20. MissTaken

    I think the only thing Ebert hates more than 3D is Trump. And I agree with him on both.

  21. BaldarTFlagass

    Re: Koch sponsorship at Disney. I noticed when I was up in DC last month that the Koch name is splashed all over the Museum of Natural History at the Smithsonian. I wonder what their proletarian fans think of them associating themselves with something like science and (gasp!) evolution. I was having me some cognitive dissonance, but then realized that they are no doubt rational and smart enough to understand the truths behind science, but are happy to have their hero-worshipping "fans" dumbed down enough to ask "Where's the dinosaur that Jesus rode up to Calvary Hill?"

      1. Fukui_sanYesOta

        Fucks like the Kochs use evolution as a justification for their godawful Rand-ish concept of "Social Darwinism"

    1. Left_Leftie

      They also sponsor Nova on PBS. I think it's blood money so Frontline won't do a full-blown expose

    2. bagofmice

      This would be precisely the thoughts of Irving Kristol, the father of Bill Kristol Human Dildo. It is a philosophy that demands the telling of congenial lies to the masses, because they are not privileged enough to deal with the truth.

  22. user-of-owls

    If you think about it, this is a pretty remarkable biological breakthrough in terms of evolutionary mutation. For the first time that I'm aware of, parasites have managed to make their hosts actually welcome and like them.

  23. widget2011

    Somebody should do a blingee with the Kochtopus ramming a dildo in every concievable orafice, that would be epic!

  24. Mort_Sinclair

    The Republican party is nothing but a cult of personality, born and bred on Fox News for the consumption of the unwashed, ignorant masses. And these dolts are all too ill-educated to figure it out. The Republicans have got these fist-pumping, flag-waving fools believing, Monty Python style, " sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy…." It's a perfect scam, really.

  25. fuflans

    i would not care about this if i had any money. or a job.

    oh hey! that reminds me! where are the jobs mitch? eric? john? rand? ron??


    1. bagofmice

      Perhaps if you had a cluster of fetal cells attached to you, possibly 2-3 hundred, he might pay attention. It IS in HR 3 after all.

    1. MiniMencken

      "Hoboically?" That is an absolute gem of a neologism. Now I'll try working it into at least three conversations today so that I will have increased my word power.

  26. axmxz

    Come on, Ken. It's so easy to shit on Republicans when they actually deserve it – why bother doing it when they don't?

    Gallup: "These findings are based on interviews with more than 1,500 Republicans and Republican-leaning independents nationwide….Businessman and television personality Trump, recipient of much publicity over the last several weeks, has the unenviable distinction of receiving a Positive Intensity Score of 0, the lowest for any of the 13 candidates measured. Overall, 98% of Republicans recognize Trump, but among this group 12% say their opinion of Trump is strongly favorable, while 11% say it is strongly unfavorable. Rounding differences result in his overall net score of 0."

    1. Fuck Toad

      That's a single poll. What about all the polls showing Trump with a sizable chunk of support for the goddamn presidency?

      And Trump has been idolized by certain types for years. It's nothing new.

    1. poncho_pilot

      "Mickey Mouse's birthday being announced on the television news as if it were an actual event! I don't give a shit! If I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I would have memorized it years ago! And I'd send him a card, 'Dear Mickey, Happy Birthday, Love George'. I don't do that. why? I don't give a shit! Fuck Mickey Mouse! Fuck him in the ass with a big rubber dick! Then break it off and beat him with it!" –George Carlin

  27. miss_grundy

    Because they think they are one lottery ticket away from becoming millionaires and having the same lifestyle. That's why they are willing to fight against estate taxes, which is why the Repugnants now call it the death tax. If they rename it, they know dumb poor people will get all riled up and fight against the higher taxes and stuff. Why should the rich look stupid fighting against this stuff when they can have trailer trash do it for them?

  28. BZ1

    The Donald is a plutocrat? I thought faux billionaires were just stupid, lying scumbags, oh well, live and learn….

  29. BarackMyWorld

    Krugman had a great post the other day about wealth distribution:

    As the CBO has documented, what we’ve seen over the past 30 years is a dramatic shift of income toward the top, with the richest Americans sharply increasing their share of pre-tax income. It’s highly likely that government policies, from financial deregulation to union-busting, have played an important role in that growing income concentration. At the same time, tax rates on top income have fallen, and by more than tax rates on lower incomes. But the rise in the top share has been so great that high-income Americans pay a larger share of total taxes than they used to despite tax policy that favors their interests. And the new cry from the hired hands of the rich is that it’s unfair that the wealthy should pay such a large share of taxes.

    1. wondering where i am

      Yes, the Freepers are always screecing about that, how the zillyonaires pay more taxes than they used to. And they they are incensed that some people pay no taxes at all. I don't know how they think they will find money to pay taxes if they have no income.

  30. VinnyThePooh

    How long must I be punished for choosing to be born in the wrong house?

    Jerry Mander's In The Absence Of The Sacred pretty much solidified my disgust of all things Disney.

  31. weejee

    "Trump is being run out of the race, of course."

    Does this mean the Donald is now a colored? He still looks a bit melanin-impaired.

  32. SayItWithWookies

    Best statement to undercut some rich-worshipping dumbass who, instead of wanting to reform the system, hungrily hopes for his turn to be the big self-congralating parasite at the top of the heap: "Hey, did you know the US has about the lowest class mobility in the industrialized world? That means your chances of being the next Donald Trump are better in — Canada and Denmark, for instance."

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      I'd mentioned this exact study in a previous post because it's interesting and a wakeup call.

      However, with your blessing, let me do some more depressing!!!

      Gini index of income inequality:

      OECD talks about quality of eduction improving social cohesion:

      One study, reported by the New York Times,, found that that for every extra year of education women had, the death rate for children under 5 dropped by almost 10 percent. The study also found that educated women tend to use health services more often and make better choices on hygiene, nutrition and parenting.

      But fucked planned parenthood, right? Also, Michelle Obama! Nutrition advice? FASCISM!

  33. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Downfistie McTrucknutz is up and about, trying to gobble your p-ness.
    Fixed. But he's probably hungry for more.

  34. WilliamHTaft

    We Americans ain't so good at commie gay shit like reading books, but our imaginations are number 1.

    I treat everyone like shit all the time too. Maybe I can be as good as Donald Trump! More hobo beans, please!

  35. chascates

    I think it would be a lot better if we just drew straws instead of having elections. The need for campaign money and lobbyists would disappear. Although any one wanting to start a war would have to livr in that country first for 3 months. You could only serve one term, you'd have to answer your own phone, type your own email, and find your own hookers.

  36. MiniMencken

    A fetish of his power? But, he has no power. Trump's career is based on paying for publicity and then using that dubious celebrity to get banks to loan him money for deals they want to get out of, for the most part. He's the Crazy Eddy of big ticket New York real estate. Surely all educated persons understand that? Or is our country that far gone?

    1. James Michael Curley

      So, like Crazy Eddy he will run off to some foreign land which will block his extradiction and recovery of his ill gotten monies?

  37. James Michael Curley

    Keep safe Ken. In the adulterated words of Dan Akroyd, "I hate Riverside Nazis."

  38. BlueStateLibel

    It seems downfister troll has a huge crush on Donald Trump! All you commentators are destroying his big he-man fantasy about Trump–he's probably off in a corner crying now.

  39. freakishlywrong

    At the risk of being fisted, I'm going to say this ooooooooone more time. Trump is a perfect representation of today's GOP. A loud mouthed, projecting, vulgar, bullying, conspiracy obsessed hypocrite. With a silver foot in his mouth.

  40. vulpes82

    Ken in Disneyland? The mind boggles. I picture spectacular harangues about income inequality and corporate malfeasance in front of the "It's a Small World" gift shop. "Mommy, why is the mountain man with the beard calling America a lie and agitating for an immediate proletarian revolution? And why is Goofy beating him with a truncheon?"

    1. freakishlywrong

      Oh shit! Too easy to visualize Sorry for any typos, tearing up and making terrible sounds trying not to to guffaw out loud.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Where's the picture of the kitten? I thought there would be a picture of a kitten. Want kitten!

  41. LesBontemps

    Okay, it's after 10 a.m. EDT and still no Morning in America. I know Riley's gone, but WTF???? Where's my morning snark????

  42. jus_wonderin

    Ya know, it has been my experience that some of the most strident Righties that rail against welfare have…in fact…been through bankrupsty. Pisses me off no end, as there is NO difference. Pay your fucking bills conservative sh!t sacks!

  43. loulouroo

    Don't underesimate the hold that Multi-level Marketing schemes have over the wingnuts. The DeVos family are just as destructive as the Kochs with their push to privatize schools and make ME pay for their religious institutions. The Stupid is really strong here as Amway, Shaklee, ad nauseum pyramid religions make these poor saps think they can get rich.

  44. Fare la Volpe

    My late cat was a freaking ninja. He learned how to open closed doors, hide entire live birds in his mouth, and even fall off three story buildings into a jungle and still climb back up.

    It's only a matter of time before yours learn his secrets. Beware.

  45. gef05

    Oh yes. I second Fare's remarks. They learn, they learn.

    I grew up with a moggy who started out on the doorhandles that are the flat lever kind – all she had to do was jump and get a paw on it and gravity did the rest. Easy.

    But to see her open a round door handle – that was special.

  46. Gopherit

    Sounds like my college cat. Substitute cicadas for birds and it's a perfect match.

  47. Fare la Volpe

    We used to keep the door to our basement locked all day to prevent the cat getting down there. Everyday he would paw at that door just because he knew he wasn't allowed in.

    One day I'm the first to come home, and I walk into the kitchen to find the round-handle basement door wide open with Pumpkin chilling on the top step, purring like a maniac like he was oh-so pleased with himself.

    I still don't know how he did it, but ever since that day I regarded him with a palpable mixture of awe and fear.

  48. Gopherit

    I felt the same way when my cat "accidentally" peed on the two roommates i didn't like…..from range….on two different nights when they were outside. i was glad i was on her good side.

  49. Sparky_McGruff

    Cicadas are natures perfect cat toy. Big shiny wings, and they roll along the ground making loud buzzing sounds.

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