Here’s a funny thing, on this day when the Important Political Media is reporting on the separation of former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Kennedy Family lady Maria “Sargent” Shriver: We like Arnold. We like Maria. We don’t know them, although we have long existed in that strange California zone between media, politics and celebrity where these people do their peculiar work. Ha ha, we were actually working (as a newspaper editor) for former L.A. mayor Richard Riordan, who was planning to run for governor, when Arnold announced he was running for governor, on the Jay Leno program. It is hard not to like Arnold, we hear. He is known to be pleasant and friendly — a little too friendly in the past, as far as women and their boobies are concerned — and his form of Republican Politics is positively quaint compared to the frothing imbecile demagogues of today.
Like other show people in California who became ostensibly Republican politicians (Sonny Bono, Clint Eastwood, etc.), Schwarzenegger wouldn’t even qualify for the GOP primary in most of this dumb country. And he was despised by the fringe-right California GOP — think Central Valley agribusiness and the Orange County John Birch Society. And now his political career is over and the state is in much worse financial shape than it used to be and he did nothing to make California’s rich corporations (Google, anyone? Apple? Disney?) actually pay taxes and did nothing to financially inconvenience his fellow gazillionaires in Brentwood. So, he’s guilty as the rest of ‘em. Guilty, guilty, guilty.
But really, why divorce at 63 and 55, respectively? You’ve got four kids, you’ve got enough riches to only see each other on holidays and family vacations and college graduations and whatever, you’re not going to be young and beautiful again, neither of you. There is something very gross and desperate about old famous people divorcing. Because they’re obviously trying to divorce getting old, and wouldn’t it be better to just grow old with dignity? Wouldn’t that be a novelty, in rich-people California of 2011? Anyway, this is just an introduction to a link to The Awl, but now the introduction is as long as the post it’s linking to, the end. [The Awl]
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Pleasant? Peasant? Pheasant? Phazedin? Preposterpous?
Marriage: Terminated
She won't be back
What is the best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!
I figured the GOP would be all over a candidate with a platform like that
The question isn't why divorce, but why marry? That damn thing has a failure rate higher than a Palin child at calculus class.
The numbers are way skewed by people getting divorced multiple times. In fact recent statistics show some improvement in marriage longevity. I myself have been married for close to thirty years may of them happy.
I will be married 28 years this year(only one marriage for both of us and we married late). I think one marriage is enough(for me) but I supose my husband could think differently at some point.
I doubt it, as men get older their ability for abstract reason starts to kick in. In addition priorities change, a year or two ago I awoke from a vivid dream that would have normally been about Mrs. Peel at the Hellfire club and realized I had been dreaming of bread.
I dreamt of Mrs. Peel serving me hot bread at the… oh never mind, that was Nigella.
A lot of the recent longevity comes from the impracticality of divorcing someone who has seen you naked and who is inextricably entangled with you, financially, during a time of "Oh My God There's No More Jobs Ever". That's the real reason why the divorce rate has gone down. We're in this together, like it or not.
My wife and I have been happily married for 10 years! (We've been married for 17.)
Maria got sick of his scheiße.
Er war wirklich ein unerträglicher Hurenbock
A Republican who governed moderately, associated and worked with democrats, smoked weed, and was more interested in boobies than cock?
I refuse to believe such a thing was possible.
Now, if he had only left Maria for a Dominican boy, or she left him because he was hanging out in the bathroom stalls at John Wayne, then I would believe it.
Exactly why Ahnold would not be able to win a primary in the GOP outside of Cali.
It's worth noting that he didn't go through a primary to become the Governator in the first place – the recall election was no primary, plurality wins. The entry bar was low; there were about 150 names on the ballot!
He only primaried as a sitting governor. He got a challenge IIRC but it was pretty anemic.
One of the "I'm not a RINO, waaah, he is getting more attention than me" who dropped out in the Recall clusterfuck was Darrell Issa, well known to the Wonkeratti since for his shenanigans once he entered Congress.
Far be it from me to even try to imagine the reasons people get married and/or divorced, much less if those people are celebrities. Hell, Dennis Hopper got divorced on his deathbed, so two able people with money and long lives ahead of them (one presumes) can get tired of living with each other or have some other seemingly mundane reason for splitting up. But in their case, I'd say it's like our involvement in Afghanistan — not so much declaring victory as that every reason for continuing has been sufficiently undercut as to make staying on meaningless.
Been there, done that — marriage undercut by familiarity and competence, not the 'stan.
Hey, Wookie! You've come around on Afghanistan. That's change I can believe in.
Jeopardy question: Absolutely nothing.
War – what is it GOOD for? HUHNNN!
Because you want to marry somebody younger because you can't face getting old. You are hollow and shallow. Mark my words, one or both of them already has a young un' waiting in the wings.
I like to have someone fresh around for my transfusions. Also to pick shit up I drop on the floor, like my hairpiece.
That was my first thought. I'm assuming that Ahnuld, who has had so many facelifts his skull might pop out of his mouth if he smiles too wide, will soon be taking Hailee Steinfeld to award ceremonies and after-parties.
Shriver, with the commitment and intensity of a warrior monk, has followed the path of always staying impossibly thin so that she can always convince herself she's got the figure of an 18-year-old. She'll probably end up marrying a fat Arab.
I pity the fools.
Wrong action figure. You're thinking of Mr. T.
No, I just pity them.
Have you seen the recent picture of Ahnold standing by a swimming pool in his swim trunks? Brrr! But who knows, mebbe he's been hiking on the Appalachian Trail recently.
Frothing Imbecile Demagogue is the correct Genus, Species and Subspecies name in english. Maybe somebody will render it into latin.
Imbecillus demagogus ssp. spumeus
Well, I dragged out my trusty (and hefty) Stearn's Botanical Latin and came up with the above, though demagogue is of Greek extraction and my Greek-Latin translation skills are not that strong and assuredly not up to the standards of the International Code of Botanical Nomenclature. Improvements are welcome.
As a resident of the Bear Republic, I must say that photo is so kick-ass, thanks!!!
Lot's of cheekbone there. I call face-scaping.
Having soldiered through the bad bits in my one and only marriage and moved on to a better place in it (not bragging; just locating myself in the discussion), I'm at a loss on this topic.
But bring the snark, Wonkies! Help a brutha out!
AS the other half of a similar arrangement, uh… right.
I ask you who among us has not been a little too friendly when boobies were involved.
Gay men?
Let he/she – thus including Ghey-land – who has not drunk-groped, cast the first stone.
no comment. I take the 5th.
In the opinion of the district attorney's office, there is no indictable evidence of my inappropriate behavior on the boob-involvement front. Therefore I am innocent of whatever it is to which you are referring. Please direct all subsequent inquiries to my attorney. I have no further comment at this time, except to ask that we move on.
And respect the privacy of my family.
I could give you a list, a long list of boob-friendly fellas
I'm in… oh… you're not looking for volunteers…
I ask you, can you actually be TOO friendly to boobies? I think not.
When called on it, you plead boobie addiction, and enter boobie rehab. (They have that in California, don't they?)
Why does Ahnold claim to support the environment but drive around in a Hummer? People are stoopid and selfish. That is all you ever need to know. The end.
That, and Fuck War! RIP, Riley…….
er, actually, its an eco-friendly hybrid thingy. But its BIG.
I read once upon a time that he purposefully keeps his house down to 60 degrees, even in the summer, just so he can have fires going all year long. Arnold is not an environmentalist.
i don't see how any of this prevents the twin american plagues of abortion and high taxes.
Tipper + Maria or Al + Arnold?
"Arnold and Al" has the ring of a nice couple, I must say.
What's this a remake of Bob and Ted and Carol and Alice?
Single ladies, Ahrnuld wants to PUMP YOU UP!
Judging from the way he looks lately, he's gonna need that pump for hisself first.
Hahaha! Growing old with dignity. Arnold is probably 5-10 years from needing Depends, and Maria, bless her heart, gave her best years to this man-child. It's pretty obvious they despise each other……and jesus knows they have enough money, and really no new horizons to see. It must suck to look into the abyss and know…..this is it. It's not going to get any better. Yet another reason the gods made alcohol.
Wow ….
No shit. I've seen pix of both of them at the beach. Fucking terrifying. He looks like he's smuggling doorknobs under his skin and she defies description, utterly defies it. And him a cigar smoker to boot? That's got to be pleasant when up close and personal.
And Riley's not dead, pumpkin. He's just gone to a better place. We'll all see him there one day.
He's dead to me. Object constancy, abandonment issues and all that.
Someone needs a hug. Or a refresher in Piaget.
"He's just gone to a better place." Gawker?
(Sorry, I didn't have time to read the 250+ comments on Riley's farewell message.)
No, we took him to a farm outside of town where he can be happy. Just like our really old doggy and two kitties, remember? He will have plenty of room to run around and make new friends, so you don't need to cry, sweet child.
This is strangely close to the truth.
And I sadly expected so. I hope the farm outside of town is real this time.
(tears streaming)
Leave Riley alone!!!
It's not a toomah!
That's not really relevant to anything, I just like finding excuses to say it.
My mighty hawt is breakink. I'll be in da Humvee.
Wasn't he the Italian ski racer?
I admit, (shamefully), watching "Kindergarten Cop" just for that line.
Al and Arnold would make a cute couple.
I smell a movie.
An Inconvenient Barbarian?
Like Twins but with more buttsecks.
Sperminator II?
This is the saddest news to hit The Golden State since the break-up of that esteemed musical act The California Raisins.
TOO SOON!!
We like Arnold. We like Maria.
What do you mean "we", Kimosabe?
I don't hate Arnold and I can tolerate Maria in small doses but that is as far toward liking either of them that I can get.
May they find peace and happiness, before the end comes on May 21.
Shoulda' waited till the 22nd to make the announcement.
And dating kinda sucks out here…
Maria reciting her vows: "I do." "Back to you, Forrest."
That's what I keep telling myself!
Work with whatcha' got.
her body weight and the lack of an ass caused these strains. And the face. My God the face can eat you up.
How would like to get up at night and stare at those jaw bones moving around. ( I picture her on TV at this very instant and have unpleasant thoughts)
I imagine that jaw unhinging and consuming anything in its path. And Arnold! He was a pussyfart when he was in his prime. He just perfected his act, the big dumb cunt.
needs moar yiddish accent. "Ve vunt a divorce".
honestly, that's how I would tell it in person
I only have one memory of Maria Shriver, from years ago on the TV (the Donahue show?). She started every sentence with "Lookit." I knew then there would be a divorce in her future.
Ahnold just grabbed the occasional boobies cause he wanted to pump them with his iron….or something.
Iron them with his pump?
She's been a good Kennedy woman and washed down xanax with dry martinis for 25 years and starved herself until she looks like grim death while her husband climbed on anything with two X chromosomes. A whole Medea scenario would have been so much cooler.
Let me get this straight Mr. Downfisty you are down fisting me on a thread were I am defending a Republican and defending Boobies. You need to pace yourself lest someone starts thinking of you as a hater of Republicans and boobies.
Sometimes that unknown devil is mighty appealing, it must be said.
My guess is that they aren't really having marital issues, but merely want to dip their toes into the swinger subculture. Also the Gores.
Finally, Skeletor can get back to battling He-Man and Shera.
Because if MrLimeylizzie hadn't divorced, for the second time, at age 58 ,he wouldn't have met and fallen in love with me? And that would make both of us very sad.
Marriage: everybody ought to do it at least twice.
Osama did it at least four times.
Ah love!
Downfister is a self-hating gay!
Just for that, an upfist. In honour of Andrew Shrivel and all that.
Too bad we don't have sharia law yet because then Arnie could stone her and considering the atrophied bulk of those steroid-created muscles, I bet he throws like a girl and wouldn't hit anything.
That was cruel, misogynistic and funny as fucking hell.
I fucked Hell. I was better than they were.
Well, then I have been upfisted properly, haven't I?
Can ya give me a minute?
I seem to remember a tasteless Sonny Bono joke, but I forget the punchline. Hmm… any takers?
In a related story, Grey Davis was spotted leaving a Blockbuster.
Hasta la vista, baby.
I've always made it a habit to be pleasant to women's boobies.
One day they may be pleasant back.
Practice makes perfect you know.
Maybe she was just embarrassed by his shitty governoring? I know I was. Of course, I never as much as voted for the lummox, much less married him.
Serial Monogamy, the sanctity of marriage. The American Way. I'm wondering who really gives a shit about these two; not me.
Ahnold is an icon of success in US America. With nothing to work with except major-league willpower and determination, and a body that proved responsive to anabolic steroids, he promoted himself relentlessly from awkward-but-engaging Austrian immigrant to movie star to bloody Governator, and was smart enough to hang on to the money he made along the way.
By many accounts, he's quite a charming fellow. This isn't unusual for self-promoters. (BTW, I've met him very peripherally a couple times; I'd say 5'11"). He wasn't a terrible Governor; he was mostly a non-entity. He couldn't get any sort of cooperation out of the Republican minority in the legislature, so he spent his time dicking around the edges of policy. For the last 2-3 years of his term, he wasn't even entertaining.
I'm kind of amazed that Shriver stayed married to him this long. I don't regard her as some kind of liberal angel, but she has made enough public statements to indicate that her view of the desirable socio-economic compact is pretty wildly different to Arnie's. Kids, I suppose.
Remember when she publicly peeled his paw off her at some stupid function or the other? He was joking about spending a lot of nights on the couch. I think this was when all the stuff about him assaulting large numbers of citizens of the female persuasion was hitting the press. Or maybe it was some other occasion when he inserted his Size 13 EEEs all the way into his anus, starting from the mouth. No?
I guess it just dawned on her that in 25 years time she's never been properly fucked.
My guess that her pelvis won't take the strain anymore.
I was thinking too much pressure on the sacroiliac from continued desperate upward thrusting.
If we can have a Kenyan Obersturmbahnfuhrer, why not an Austrian, like Arnold? Really, people, what have you got against Austrians? What did they ever do to you? Do you know that there is no derogatory term for Austrians?
Kraut?
I could have told them that mixed marriages (human female & homunculus) never work. On the positive side, Maria is only 5 years older than me? I have a chance. Maria…let your tight, sinewy face smile upon me.
No one knows more about anus than Anuld.
Girl? Lemme give you my e-addie. WUT? Nothing wrong with a little fling now and then, right? RIGHT?
"Ken Layne" is really you-know-who. Of course he likes his little sock puppets.
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