Oh no! According to this Arianna Huffington news box that came up on our junk America On Line 3.0 e-mail account from 1994, Osama bin Laden was the only guy keeping Arnold Schwarzenegger and his Kennedy wife together, and now that he’s no longer alive to counsel them about their marital issues, California’s official mom and dad have separated. This is so sad! Bin Laden’s life may have had its ups and downs, but he was so good at marriage he had three of them going at the same time.
Over the years, the marriage between the international celebrity and the daughter of the Kennedy dynasty has come under close scrutiny, especially during the 2003 recall of Gov. Gray Davis, when The Times reported on Schwarzenegger’s lengthy history of groping women. At the time, Shriver defended her husband, helping lift him to victory in the free-for-all contest.
Aww, love.
How’s the former governor dealing with this?
“The whole industry has not come up with a new line of action heroes so [people say] let’s go see the mature ones — that’s what I call them, the mature ones — because there’s nothing new around,” Schwarzenegger said in the interview. “That’s good news for me.”
With clarity and modesty, of course.
The Kennedy family is never going to recover. Arnold Schwarzenegger ignored his family and MISSED HIS SON’S KARATE MATCH in addition to forgetting to buy the kid a Turbo-Man action figure because he was too busy at work. At least that’s how we remember it. And then Sinbad became governor and had to fix the huge deficits Schwarzenegger left him. And Schwarzenegger’s son grew up to be Darth Vader. [LAT]
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Konzider dis a deevorse!
I vill not be back!
Is the kid named Luke by any chance?
I lerve Kirstie. And DWTS is causing her to lose some weight. I want my thin Ms. Alley back!!
Edited my bone head spelling.
Me too! Thetans and all.
And yet she only has enough love in her heart for the enemies of Xenu.
Hear that Kirstie? Back to the cigarettes and blow!
I could never forgive that home wrecker. Sam + Diane 4vr!
Enough about the Hammandeggers — WHAT REPUBLIC-WRECKING BAD WORDS DID KIRSTIE (ALMOST) SAY? America is breathless w/ anticipation. Nobody cares about Commando, except in California, where they hate him for not balancing the budget without taxes.
Now that she's moved out of Sacramento, with its (shall we say) unsophisticated dining scene, perhaps Maria can finally get rid of those last few vanity pounds.
which bone will first puncture that fragile parchment she calls skin?
Something in a trout, you'd imagine…
But, Led Zeppelin hasn't toured in years.
I was thinking her chin or elbow. Well played….
The woman's so skinny now, she has to run around inside the shower to get wet.
Da paudeez ovah, an dime da paudy pooper!
You can take the man out of Germany, but you cannot take the Germany out of his porn.
Austria actually, but yes.
Das Größere Deutschland
Arnold can now grope to his heart's content.
Ickiest phrase of my morning? "Bin Laden's favorite wife." Thanks a lot, Chuck Todd.
Chuck and his goatee could probably qualify for ickiest daily.
Definitely ickiest individual to share screen-time with Savannah Guthrie.
[swoon]
Lot's of people have a favorite wife. Usually it's the current one-and-only. If you're Newt Gingrich, it's the next one-and-only. If you're Todd Palin, it's … well, never mind.
Oh good, a chance to do my Arnold impression.
AGLGUGHGGULAUAGHGAGHAGLAUGAHGUHGL
Ahnahld will not, in fact, be back.
Does this mean he can't be preznit anymore?
Orrin's been trying to hatch a scheme to rewrite the constitutional-eligibility for the Presidency — but the GOP wants to make sure it still will preclude Democrats, like Canada's own Jennifer Granholm, from running.
There's also that whole Obammer's a Kenyan Mau Mau Muslin thing which has fucked things up for REAL US Americuns like Ahnuld from ever becoming the running man for Preznit.
Blatant hypocrisy to get their preferred figurehead in the White House, from the Republicans? Unpossible.
They would say Arnold's thirty-some years in the U.S., married into a prominent American family (just not saying the name), serving as Governor of America's most populous state & innovation/economic engine, demonstrate all the bona fides of national loyalty. Meanwhile, Barack married one of them uppities, & attended services at a separatist church.
I can't believe either of them stayed with the other one for as long as they did. Can you imagine living with the Terminator or Maria "I'm a Kennedy sort of" Shriver? Both seem horribly self-centered and, despite their resumes, really BORING.
Hopefully, she can stop starving herself now, too. Compare photos of her before she was married to ones about ten years in.
That's not what women thought. They thought he was disgusting too, but still…
That Salon article link is broken for me…now I'm wondering if it referred to a massive penis, he yodels when he has an orgasm or likes to wear panties????
I googled the string “schwarzenegger anus tongue” and hope never to do so again. One of his gropees claimed he whispered words to that effect in her ear.
Nice. Sounds like McDonald's next big burger.
Who gets the Humvee and the Planet Hollywood stock?
Hasta la vista, Maria.
This is good news for Donald Trump !
“The whole industry has not come up with a new line of action heroes so [people say] let’s go see the mature ones — that’s what I call them, the mature ones — because there’s nothing new around,” Schwarzenegger said in the interview. “That’s good news for me.”
You know who else thought that having nothing new around was a good idea?
General Motors?
Calvin Coolidge?
Osama bin Laden's TV room?
They Might Be Giants?
Colonial Williamsburg?
The Nothing?
Jay Leno?
Amish?
The Washington Redskins?
The Boston Celtics?
Something tells me Skynet is behind this.
Kirstie then retired to her dressing room and polished off a can of Cool Whip and half a bag of Doritos.
Well, she is trying to take care of herself dontchyaknow.
She's talking like Trumpette. Can a White House bid be far behind?
Will this mean the end of the line for Ashton and Demi? And what about Brangelina?
Yippie Ki Yay Motherfucker?
When does Ashton make his move to the oldest daughter?
Is that Talulah or Scout? I know Rumer is the middlest Moore-Willis, but the other two oddly named ones I get confused on birth-order.
…and thus why I referred to her as the oldest daughter. Honestly, what a bunch of craptastic girl's names.
Frank Zappa did a lot better job on the kid-naming.
And Maria's already moved out!
Guess he told her, "Get out."
And she did NOT say "I'll be back."
The preferred nomenclature is:
"Get to dah choppah!"
Mature Action Hero
eeeeeEEEwwww.
Ummm… nice tits?
Roid Sag.
Aw, they should have reinvigorated their marriage with Maria breaking off her affair with Tom Arnold, doing an uncomfortable middle aged strip tease for Schwarzenegger before joining him on one of his spy adventures.
Rumor has it that Ahhnuld and Maria have been finished since she caught him with that three-breasted prostitute from Mars.
Who wouldn't?
That's easily 50% more breast.
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!!
With so much love in the air, perhaps it's time for me to give Colliefourkneeyah another chance…
Basically, he's out of politics now and doesn't need the reflected gravitas of a political family. She, on the other hand, doesn't need to put up with his philandering anymore. It's a win-win, as long as they put the kids first.
I'm disappointed to see the end of this dream marriage. But Maria is moving on and in her new Match.Com profile, she says she's "looking for my soul mate"; also, that her ideal date would be "dinner in a hot air balloon over the Taj Mahal".
hahahaha….dinner.
Ice chips = balanced meal.
I bet she also describes herself as being "down to earth and looking for the same."
She was on my "Daily 5" this morning. Looks good in jeans or a little black dress.
And here I thought she'd be getting remarried to an older Greek billionaire.
They broke up one day too late for Maria to take over for Meredith on the Today Show.
I consider both Arnold and Maria less than easy on the eye, so I can't fault either one for not wanting to face one more morning frightening from one another.
I do give Arnold kudos for marrying someone with an even more annoying voice than his. That's charitable.
The Terminator is divorcing Skeletor.
Ahnold hasn't exactly kept in tip top shape since his little foray into politics. In fact now he looks like you could hit him with a stick and candy would fall out.
If I recall, there is a video out there showing Arnold talking about how he liked "furry pussies." Perhaps she decided to follow the trend of a shaved bush and he just wouldn't have it.
I do believe to counter his loss, she got a sample of shag carpeting and cut a hole in it. During the day time it is in the top draw of her nightstand.
REAL MERKIN VALUES.
How about Kindergarten Cop?
"It's not a ruhmah!"
…Maria Shriver could always just start dating his "Twin" Danny Devito
Who cares about these two has-beens? I want to know what Kristie said!
Itz not a tumor.
I think Arnold would call that "kahmah".
"…And then Sinbad became governor…"
Fuck, I really gotta move…
Arnie's right about "mature" action stars. Ernest Borgnine should do a Tarzan remake with Arnie. They can fight over who gets to be Jane.
Are they looking for volunteers to take custody of Patrick? Cause Im down.
Arnold: "I'll be black….as in Hallie Barry….I'm going to give her my love stuffin!"
Having already been an action hero & Governor, Arnold should return to Austria & run for President.
Hey, they elected Jorg Haider, back when. Arnie would be a picnic, by comparison.
That comment is just cocky.
What does this mean for Mary Matalin and James Carville?
Is she the one that is always moving hands/fingers and talks funny???
They're doomed. Haven't you heard? He likes Miracle Whip but she HATES it.
Oh please, they're both in it for the phenomenal hatefucking.
I can’t take joy in this, compared to his Republican colleagues this guy comes out looking like Gandhi.
Is this homespun? YAAH.
Arnold should use the example of his mentor, Kurt Waldheim, and just forget about all the unfortunate associations in his past.
http://www.slate.com/id/2086742/
What is the *DEAL* with Kirstie's hands in that horrific photo?? Jesus CHRIST!! They're massive veiny alien paws with bloody tips! UGH.
OMG, you are right, they are enormous and incredibly masculine. You know what that means, don't you? With hands that big, she must have a 10-inch cock.
Somebody in that photo has to…
It's probably the result of dancing-related rapid weight loss, which is not accompanied by loss of the excess skin that used to contain all that lard.
I thought she was eating a pie.
That was the first thing I saw, and I thought why have they photoshopped Arnold's hands into Kirstie's pic?
*checks off box on today's To-Do list*
Why is Hillary Clinton's situation room picture on the right?
So did it turn out that eating is in fact cheating, after all?
divorce macht frei.
Linda Ronstadt is in a corner somewhere, worried.
Additionally: I will now always think of her as Maria Shriveler.
… he yearned for a show business comeback … including another installment in the "Terminator" series.
Geriatric robot is a great concept.
Sarah and Todd?
I suspect we will soon know why he opposed the repub party line on proposition eight.
Republican divorces wife, now qualified to run for president on family values platform, with birth certificate showing he was born in Arkansas, not Austria, which is why he talks funny.
The Arnold is collaborating with Stan Lee to make him more of a comic book character?
Good thing she was wearing panties (for a change), otherwise they would have had to slide her over a manhole to get her on her feet again after that fall.
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