AMERICAN INNOVATION  3:30 pm May 9, 2011

Finally, Truck Nutz and Scooters Unite

by Jack Stuef

This is EXACTLY what George Washington's cock looked like.
We’ve made it to the mountaintop, dear readers. First there were Truck Nutz, the automotive accessory a certain segment of the electorate used to alert others to their tenuous hold on masculinity. Then arose the Scooter People, the Tea Party faithful who realized the greatest dream of humanity: using a motorized wheelchair to save their obese selves from ever again having to exert themselves by walking. For too long, these memes have charged on independently. But today, they unite, stronger together as one. Watch out, Obama. The scooters now have testicles.

'And I proudly stand up next to you and defend her still today'

Wonkette operative “Brain K.” documents history:

So I was walking around the Upper West Side yesterday near the the American Natural History Museum when this specimen emerged from one of the shops. The Hoveround nutz were brass and clanking against the metal in the back. This was as close as I could get before he sped off through the crowd.

American. Natural. History.

With Scooter Nutz riding along with them, is there anything the Teabaggers can’t accomplish? Yeah, changing the paradigm of American politics and getting their ideas turned into legislation. Probably that.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 177 comments }

RadioGroundZero May 9, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Two wrongs do make it Right!

tiredalways May 9, 2011 at 3:32 pm

And electing a president who killed America's # 1 enemy..And of course, spelling Morans correctly.

Gratuitous World May 9, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Scrootumz?

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Hovernutz?

Lascauxcaveman May 9, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Rascal'nads.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Rover Rocks?

memzilla May 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Scooticles?

Geminisunmars May 9, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Scutputz?

DemmeFatale May 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Freedom Nutz?

(BTW: I heart you guys.)

horsedreamer_1 May 9, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Schlocky Mountain Oysters?

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Is them nutz where they attach the electrodes to recharge the battery?

Goonemeritus May 9, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Grossly misleading advertisement?

jus_wonderin May 9, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Isn't this the first sign of the Apocolypse??

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I think we're long past the first sign. Look at last week's Republican "presidential-candidate" debate.

We must be on about the lebenty-hundredth sign o' the apocalypse.

Respitetini May 9, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Yep. Says so right in Revelations: "Yea, verily, twelve days before they shall feel My wrath, the unholiest of signs shall meet, and of their union shall create Scooternutz."

jus_wonderin May 9, 2011 at 3:47 pm

And here I thought it would be something like a horrible plague or hordes of cock-a-roaches…not the hideous evil that is scooternutz!!!

e_z May 9, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Well of course they have testicles. It takes real balls to bitch about Gooberment Entitlement Progrms when you are sitting on your fat ass, zipping around on a circus car sized golfcart paid for by that self same Gooberment you are whineing about.

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 3:35 pm

…he sped off through the crowd.

I bet he was doing a "wheelie".

jus_wonderin May 9, 2011 at 3:37 pm

While, we can sure he was "nuttie".

V572..whatever May 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

We'll have to wait for that genius prose-stylist from the Guardian to weigh in on that one.

tiredalways May 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Looks like the troll-script is getting an email notification on new post because I was down to 0 in less than 2 seconds.

OkieDokieDog May 9, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Yep. Tiny weenie downfister is mad… or nutz.

LabRodent May 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

or nutz…..good product placement okie.

tessiee May 10, 2011 at 12:04 pm

I upfisted you just for that.

memzilla May 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Well, that's two pairs of nuts right there.

x111e7thst May 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

This man is not fat enough to be a real Amerikkkan. And all the ScootNutz on earth won't change this.

ThankYouJeebus May 9, 2011 at 3:39 pm

The photo is obviously staged. A real Amerikkkan would have rolls of fat bulging around the armrests.

horsedreamer_1 May 9, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Was reading Peter King's "Monday Morning Quarterback" & he included a tweet from Atlanta Falcons tight-end Tony Gonzalez (open vegan): "People need to get in shape in this country". Tweet was in response to Gonzalez's flight being delayed after the plane ran out of seat-belt extensions.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

All hail the King of the Teabaggers!

Kneel before Clod!

CapeClod May 9, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Beg your pardon?

Lascauxcaveman May 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Wait a minute. Maybe there's just a dead animal in the the scooter's seat-back pouch.

A dead small animal with enormous testicles.

jus_wonderin May 9, 2011 at 3:39 pm

It has to be the Great Plains Spotted Brass Balled Ground Hog.

e_z May 9, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Lascauxcaveman May 9, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Exactly; only during molting season.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

And a cowboy hat! Wow.

baconzgood May 9, 2011 at 3:57 pm

You think you can just half ass to that. You put balls on a scooter you gotta go all out.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Agreed!

tessiee May 10, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Be glad you can't see his belt buckle.

mavenmaven May 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Of course the chair has testicles, since its a dick riding it.

Doktor Zoom May 9, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Wow–look at the schmuck on that scooter!

savethispatient May 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

USA! USA! USA!

/wipes tear from face

GOPCrusher May 9, 2011 at 4:20 pm

I know. I'm so fucking proud to be an American at this moment, I'm going to go get a flag with an eagle tattooed on my arm tonight after work.
I'M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN, WHERE AT LEAST I KNOW I'M FREE…….

savethispatient May 9, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Exactly! It makes me proud to have a Green Card. I'm going to hug it extra tight as I sleep tonight!

pukebot May 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

cool. i'll buy some scut nutz with pseudo counterfeit money.

btw, does this not scream, "i am a sex offender"

neiltheblaze May 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Because nothing says "virile" like scooting around in a Rascal.

Winnie_Cooper May 9, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I need to find the comment where I first suggested this winning combination. It was months ago!

metamarcisf May 9, 2011 at 3:37 pm

If President Kennedy had been riding a scooter…

RadioGroundZero May 9, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Or FDR….

LabRodent May 9, 2011 at 3:48 pm

He would have gotten shot more than twice in Dallas?

jus_wonderin May 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

"left, and too the back…………."

Lascauxcaveman May 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

He'd still look happy with Marilyn Monroe in his lap.

tessiee May 10, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Too soon!

OkieDokieDog May 9, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I bet that old dude's nutz hang down farther than that, so it's a good thing he can't walk or his calves would be chafed from all that brassiness.

ewww. I'm grossed out just thinking about some old scooter dude's private man parts.

SayItWithWookies May 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Riding a little high, aren't they? Hell, I'd let mine scrape the ground and give off sparks against the concrete.

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

I wonder if the Medicare paid for his upgrade to "removable testicles." That shit would come in handy during bike rides and such.

MissusBarry May 9, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Seems like there's room for a King Missle reference here, but I'm failing at bringing that remnant of middle school into the realm of political comedy/discourse/source of suicidal thoughts nearly 20 years later.

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Well, only the scrotum is there, so maybe he had lost his penis. Maybe he had just had breakfast at the Kiev, and was rolling down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, and shortly after this pic was taken, he found his penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. A happy ending!!!

Janinthepan May 9, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Detachable penis….

Boredw/Gravitas May 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

My fondest dreams are realized – the merging of skooters & TruckNutz. Thanks, operative "Brian K." — that's coming off my bucket list.

PubOption May 9, 2011 at 3:39 pm

He truly has balls of brass!

Toomush_Infer May 9, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Can't help it….can't think straight right now….I need access to Osama bin Laden's wives for reasons of national impurity….fuck scooternutz….

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm

He could, however, use some Bumperstickers of Intolerance. NOBAMA!

Buckminster May 10, 2011 at 1:44 pm

"BOHICA" in the outline of a baseball bat?

kissawookiee May 9, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Pardon my nitpicking (borne of coursework in heathen subjects such as "biology" and "anatomy"), but shouldn't those balls be hanging down between the back wheels of the Hoveround? At least most of the idiots who hang nutz on their truck bumpers manage to be more or less anatomically plausible.

Then again, this guy probably couldn't find his own actual nutz, or ass, with both hands, a flashlight, a GPS unit, a roadmap, and a trail of Cheeto crumbs, so maybe I'm setting my standards a little bit high in this instance.

riverside68 May 9, 2011 at 4:24 pm

I think we have confused two similar but different movements: TruckNutz and tea baggers. These are clearly too high for TruckNutz, which hang between the wheels. This may be a new 'grasp the slur' backlash among the tea baggers. Say it Loud, Say it Proud: WE ARE THE TEA BAGGING NATION!

When we see a train of rascals with each tea bagging the one in front, we will know there is a new movement a foot (a wheel? a round?).

GunToting[Redacted] May 9, 2011 at 3:42 pm

You know, these things have bothered me for quite a while… I am in possession of a somewhat used (42 years) scrotum, and the TruckNutz look NOTHING like my sac. Should I see a doctor?

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 3:47 pm

CAUTION: Side effects of scooter use may include support for torture as a tool of interrogation, eruptions of racism, reflexive jingoism, and delusions about the birthplace of the President. Discontinue scooter use and contact your physician immediately if you suffer any of these symptoms.

DaRooster May 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Howz about the BLUE ones? Any resemblance there?

tessiee May 10, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Pictures or…

SorosBot May 9, 2011 at 3:43 pm

With these, the teabaggers can do their teabagging despite being too fat to stand up.

LabRodent May 9, 2011 at 3:43 pm

I still looking for skateboard nutz for my son, lucky teabagger.

poncho_pilot May 9, 2011 at 3:44 pm

together again for the first time.

baconzgood May 9, 2011 at 3:46 pm

One word….P-I-M-P!

MLite May 9, 2011 at 3:47 pm

And a voice cried out from the heavens saying "IT IS DONE." We can all get raptured and Go Galt now.

Texan_Bulldog May 9, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I think I'm going to get some of those for my kid's bicycle–of course it still has training wheels on it but it's never too early for tacky, god-awful, redneck accessories. May have to find a way to attach a gun rack. Also.

starfanglednut May 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I'll have to report you. That's abuse.

SudsMcKenzie May 9, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Kudos “Brain K.". You are a one man Wonkette Seal Team 6. You got em!11

Monsieur_Grumpe May 9, 2011 at 3:50 pm

No bumper stickers to go with his pair? How disappointing.

Jukesgrrl May 9, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Is it possible the nutz could be intended as snark? Surely there is at least one liberal in NYC forced to depend on a scooter. (I had to ride one through Home Depot and Lowes when I broke my leg while remodeling a house.) Maybe Progressives could demand blue scooters?

poncho_pilot May 9, 2011 at 3:50 pm

doctor: ok. this might be a little uncomfortable. i want you to turn you steering wheel and rev your electric motor.

old dude: whiiiiirrrr!

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I bet I know which song is #1 in the "most played" category of his iPod.

Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night

I've got big balls
I've got big balls
They're such big balls
And they're fancy big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
But we've got the biggest balls of them all

poncho_pilot May 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm
ManchuCandidate May 9, 2011 at 5:10 pm

It's Raining Men!

baconzgood May 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

My new screen saver? Yes please.

horsedreamer_1 May 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Actually, that's Dale's scooter.

slithytoves May 9, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Is it any coincidence that the ad for the novel 31 Bond St, has, as the text immediately to the right of this post: A blend of historical evidence and fictional imagining…?

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Trucknutz and scooters, what a perfect combination. The fucking Reese's Peanut Butter Cup people are beside themselves.

bureaucrap May 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Two great tastes that go great together, like four loco and santorum:

"You got Four Loco in my santorum!"
"You got santorum in my Four Loco!"

baconzgood May 9, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Where can I get such a codpiece of which you speak?

horsedreamer_1 May 9, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Beefcake Mc Awesome should not require a codpiece.

horsedreamer_1 May 9, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Surely, Beefcake Mc Awesome does not require a codpiece.

baconzgood May 9, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I have to protect it from all the ladies clawing to get my seed.

jus_wonderin May 9, 2011 at 3:55 pm

This is the same kind of asshat that gets all upset at any thought of a safely clinical sex-ed discussion in a Health Class. If my daughter had asked what that was I'd have to stop him and have him explain. Then deck him.

baconzgood May 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm

"Well honey that (pointing to the man) is a douche bag."

vacuumslayer May 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

The dream is realized!

Not_So_Much May 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

In fairness, that could be him airing out part of his high-fructose coated colon. It does have a tinge of Cheese Doodles™.

WhatTheHeck May 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

When we hit that compound in Pakistan last week, I hope we left some trukNutz as a calling card. So there would be no doubt as to…

DustBowlBlues May 9, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Kilroy was here?

nounverb911 May 9, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Margaret Mead approves.

MaxUdargo May 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm

This whole "truck nutz" phenomenon has taught me one thing: I have a fine, firm, shapely scrotum. I might even describe my scrotum as "perky" or even "buxom," if that makes sense. I wouldn't have recognized these sagging, shriveled vehicle accessories as nutz were it not explained to me at some point.

I believe I could be a nutz model.

jus_wonderin May 9, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Hey, was that you in the 1974 Sears catalog modeling boxers?

Gopherit May 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm

sounds like you need some quality time with a latex or plaster of paris mold. Remember to shave first…..for your safety.

tessiee May 10, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Pictures or GTFO.

Doktor Zoom May 9, 2011 at 3:59 pm

May I remind you that May 21 is just 12 days away.

"And when the first Trumpet sounded, I did see an enfeebled horde, each warrior borne upon a tiny carriage whose Buzz was of the Locust and whose price was paid by Caesar, even though they professed their hatred for all works of Caesar. And the loathsome horde did slowly advance upon the Seat of Power in the Kingdom, each carriage bearing a Device which resembled the Organs of Generation, and while their words and the grotesque Organs were barren, the Pharisees did pay the horde tribute. And thus a mighty Nation was brought low…

tessiee May 10, 2011 at 12:29 pm

What manner of people are these, O Lord? Strange are their ways, and mirthless their iniquities. Verily, the truth is as dung to them, for it is said that their heads may be harmed with knowledge. They knoweth not one end of a spear from another without sitting thereupon.

AlaskaGrrl May 9, 2011 at 4:00 pm

You have to admit, it took balls to go out in public with this.

DustBowlBlues May 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Or extremely poor taste.

horsedreamer_1 May 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Like sucking the chrome off a door-knob.

MasterDebater May 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm

!!!!!!!!

I was there when it started, and now, to see this…

I just ejaculated in my pants.

Wonkette, all I can say is, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

jjdaddyo May 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Probably got lost looking for the creationism wing of the Museum of Natural History. "Where's the room with Jeebus riding the giant dinosaur? I saw it in the "Night at the Museum" movie with that jewboy Stller fella!"

outragedcitizen May 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Kinda makes you want to jerk the motor end of the positive lead off and jam it in his ear, don't it?

jus_wonderin May 9, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Ooops, I spilled my Dasani. Sooorrryyy.

tessiee May 10, 2011 at 12:36 pm

No.
That is, not his *ear*.

meufchelou May 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Hey I was there yesterday too, and everyone in NYC was out. And I mean everyone. So it stands to reason there'd be a trucknutz scooter–after all NYC IS the world's greatest mashup.

starfanglednut May 9, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Yeah, but how does he scratch 'em?

user-of-owls May 9, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Jack Commits Alt-Text Suicide:

This is EXACTLY what George Washington's cock looked like.

He's coming, he's coming…

Gopherit May 9, 2011 at 4:46 pm

I heard that motherfucker had, like, 30 goddamn dicks.

iburl May 9, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Most of them were made from horse's teeth and lead, but still…

Mort_Sinclair May 9, 2011 at 4:11 pm

All these nut facsimiles lack a single strand of hair of any sort, further suggesting that the owners are stuck in some pre-adolescent, skinned-chicken sort of sexual limbo.

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Man-scaping.

Mort_Sinclair May 9, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Of course, the owners of these ersatz balls, given their girth, couldn't find them to "scape" them if their lives depended on it.

Pragmatist2 May 9, 2011 at 4:14 pm

What makes you so sure those are Truck Nutz?

AJW@[redacted] May 9, 2011 at 5:09 pm

zackly. TruckNutz on trucks, Beer Nuts on beer, Deer nuts, as usual, just under a buck…

GeneralTapioca May 9, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Trememndous news! And the Ron Paul Blimp might be coming back….oh happy days!
http://dailypaul.com/163939/so-when-are-we-firing

SorosBot May 9, 2011 at 4:22 pm

The guy complains that the blimp didn't get coverage the last time around; but I remember a ton of coverage, all mocking. Ah, please to it again, Paultards; it'll be like old times.

poncho_pilot May 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

"…the blimp really intrigued me and got me excited…"

someone needs to have sex. and with a human this time.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum May 9, 2011 at 5:00 pm

"I would gladly donate to another blimp".

Chris Christie on line 1.

MissTaken May 9, 2011 at 5:34 pm

There better be some TruckNutz on that blimp this time.

DustBowlBlues May 9, 2011 at 4:17 pm

While being too fat to walk and riding a scooter, especially one that sports truck nutz, is prima facie proof of an American's patriotism, the more obtuse might not get it. He needs to hang a little flag with "John 3:6 "printed boldly across it on that carrying case that his nutz (perhaps his only pair) are hanging from. And that head rest has room for a picture of Barry with a Hitler mustache and a piece of watermelon in his hand.

Now that, my friends, is an unequivocal way to say, I'm An American And Proud Of It." Which probably should be on a button pinned to his hat, just in case there's any doubt.

emmelemm May 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

This is the best day of my life.

/OK, that might be a smidge of hyperbole. This is certainly the best day of my life since I started reading Wonkette, though. May 21 here we come!!!

fuflans May 9, 2011 at 5:10 pm

may you get to 100 P on your favorite wonkette day.

emmelemm May 9, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Bless you for your well wishes. If I got to 100 p today, it surely would be the best day of my sad, pathetic life.

jqheywood May 9, 2011 at 11:22 pm

I've been stuck at 87 for frickin' ever….

DashboardBuddha May 9, 2011 at 4:22 pm

I believe we're on the wrong track here. Here's my take. He is a domestic abuser and one night he wife knocked him out and cut of his balls. That's why he's on the scooter. He wife was declared innocent due to self-defense. When he was found guilty for battering, part of his punishment was to carry his former balls on whatever vehicle he used. They had to bronze them though to keep them from smelling the place. This is just the modern version of the Scarlett Letter.

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

It's John Bobbitt!!!

DustBowlBlues May 9, 2011 at 4:23 pm

He checked her into a nursing home, courtesy Medicaid, and moved up to the main floor of her house.

horsedreamer_1 May 9, 2011 at 4:25 pm

In an upset, FIFA gave the "Balon d' Or" to an American.

DustBowlBlues May 9, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Brian K gets the biggest Get of all time. The rest of us can do little more than sit back in stunned envy.

GOPCrusher May 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

+1 for using the word "betesticled".

jus_wonderin May 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

You mean, those aren't the praying hands of our Lord and Savior?

mull_man May 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

This is GHW Bush, right? A gift from Babs – makes perfect sense.

tessiee May 10, 2011 at 12:38 pm

"gift" = she's had them in a mason jar since 1950.

emmelemm May 9, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Agreed (sadly), and also adding: those nutz look precariously attached to the sling-bag; it almost looks like someone ran up and stuck them right on the center back, like a "Kick Me" sign or something. They're not in a very "permanent" place to be affixed, like true TruckNutz(tm) on a bumper.

But it's more fun to wail about the 4th horseman of the Apocalypse, isn't it?

Gopherit May 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

It was a brave move for him to come out in public. Kudos to him…..but where is his Gadsen flag?

ZombieForceD May 9, 2011 at 4:40 pm

If he hadn't prematurely evacuated, he could have completed the Teabagger Trifecta by having a rifle rack and a stars and bars bumper sticker. Also.

DaRooster May 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Fucking MORON…

(Sorry, all I got)

Jukesgrrl May 9, 2011 at 8:02 pm

That's all you got and you spelled it wrong?! Who's a moran, now?

DaRooster May 10, 2011 at 12:45 am

Me is moranic… soury.

DaRooster May 9, 2011 at 4:44 pm

OK, OK… Put 'em back in the pouch Dick-Head.

prommie May 9, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Is this like crossing the streams?

Beetagger May 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm

I have seen the Promised Land. And it ain't pretty.

Terry May 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Aren't those Trucknutz riding a little high? It looks more like a brass abdominal hernia than a scrotum.

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Yeah, I guess that pretty much sums it up in a nutsack.

Hatrabbit May 9, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Next logical step: Bible Nutz!

fuflans May 9, 2011 at 5:11 pm

this is one fashion trend i wouldn't have seen coming from manhatten.

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WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Where's muh credit card, maw?!

hagajim May 9, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I thought that's what the giant truck and guns meant already…

hagajim May 9, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Does God rapture the hoveround?

elviouslyqueer May 9, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Better yet (and with profound apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein):

Chicks and ducks will laugh off their hooters
When I take you out in the scooter,
When I take you out in the scooter with the Nutz on back!
Watch those Nutz and see how they flutter
When they drive them high, flappin' nutters.
Nosey pokes'll peek thru' their shutters and their eyes will pop!
The wheels are yeller, the upholstery's brown,
The dashboard's genuine pleather,
With Plexigas curtains y' can roll right down,
In case there's a change in the weather.
Two brass nuts a'winkin' and blinkin',
Ain't no finer rig I'm a-thinkin'
You c'n keep your rig if you're thinkin' 'at's a fine nutsack.
Talking 'bout that scooter with the Nutz on back!

fuflans May 9, 2011 at 5:35 pm

in celebration of this momentous day, I am going to go to my local supermarket, grab a scooter and ride up and down the liquor aisle. Whooping of course.

I am just sad we are not allowed to carry guns here.

MissTaken May 9, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Big Sale On TruckNutz!1!11!!

MissTaken May 9, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Just noticed Mr. HoverNutz's shirt sleeves are rolled up. There is so much raw, unadulterated sexuality oozing from this man I can barely stand it.

Cheetah Repeater May 9, 2011 at 5:45 pm

"Proud owner of Scooter-Nutz® and I VOTE!!"

Someone, here's your first million-selling scooter sticker right there.

BZ1 May 9, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Aren't those fossilized teabags? I mean the scooternutz…

gullywompr May 9, 2011 at 6:53 pm

I give up. They're right – evolution is a myth.

emmelemm May 9, 2011 at 11:49 pm

As there is evolution, so there is also devolution.

tessiee May 10, 2011 at 12:40 pm

You, Sir or Madam, win a flowerpot hat.

zhubajie May 9, 2011 at 6:55 pm

He lives in the tool shed.

Jerri May 9, 2011 at 8:53 pm

I'm guessing with a little help from this bad boy: http://www.stairliftil.com/images/pic-2.jpg

MilwaukeeKent May 9, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Obviously he's the man from Provincetown, Mass., when he bangs them together to play "Stormy Weather", lightning shoots out of his ass.

EBGrey May 10, 2011 at 8:51 am

Um, I hate to break to you, but that shriveled bag appears to contain the man's actual testicles.

tessiee May 10, 2011 at 12:02 pm

It's not like that fat fuck has seen his *own* nuts for decades.

tessiee May 10, 2011 at 12:06 pm

In other words, there are *two* nutsacks on that scooter.

ttommyunger May 10, 2011 at 5:59 pm

"impotent, fearful man with small pecker who fears women."…and men, and insects and black Presidents….No, wait!

ttommyunger May 10, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Caption: "Kill me now, Please!"

lulzmonger May 11, 2011 at 3:11 am

THEY SEE ME ROLLIN'
THEY HATIN'

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