Trump ‘Least Racist’ Person In World: Hired Black Guy Six Years Ago On TV

  the defense rests


Here you will see three idiots on the sofa stare intently into a void. Out of the void comes the voice of a fourth idiot. “When it comes to racism and racists,” the fourth idiot muses (he uses “racists” as if it were a subject unencompassed by “racism” in order to seem more intelligent), “I am the least racist person there is. And I think most people that know me would tell you that. I am the least racist.” The idiots on the sofa continue to stare. Finally, one of them senses that he hasn’t made a movement in a while. He remedies this by nodding and smacking his lips. He has assured the universe for a few more moments, at least, that he exists.

“In fact,” Trump added, “Randal Pinkett won on The Apprentice a little while ago, a couple years ago, and Randal’s been outstanding in every way. So I am the least racist person. But [Van Jones] is a guy trying to get some publicity for himself by attacking Donald Trump.”

Pinkett won the show in 2005, and was the first African-American contestant to win.

Bob Barker gave away brand-new cars and tens of thousands of dollars to black people every day for decades on his game show. If Trump is the “least racist” person on Earth, what does that make Barker? Dead?

Donald Trump is less racist than you. He is less racist than Nelson Mandela. He is less racist than newborn babies, those racist fucks. [TPM]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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