THE DEFENSE RESTS  1:30 pm May 9, 2011

Trump ‘Least Racist’ Person In World: Hired Black Guy Six Years Ago On TV

by Jack Stuef


Here you will see three idiots on the sofa stare intently into a void. Out of the void comes the voice of a fourth idiot. “When it comes to racism and racists,” the fourth idiot muses (he uses “racists” as if it were a subject unencompassed by “racism” in order to seem more intelligent), “I am the least racist person there is. And I think most people that know me would tell you that. I am the least racist.” The idiots on the sofa continue to stare. Finally, one of them senses that he hasn’t made a movement in a while. He remedies this by nodding and smacking his lips. He has assured the universe for a few more moments, at least, that he exists.

“In fact,” Trump added, “Randal Pinkett won on The Apprentice a little while ago, a couple years ago, and Randal’s been outstanding in every way. So I am the least racist person. But [Van Jones] is a guy trying to get some publicity for himself by attacking Donald Trump.”

Pinkett won the show in 2005, and was the first African-American contestant to win.

Bob Barker gave away brand-new cars and tens of thousands of dollars to black people every day for decades on his game show. If Trump is the “least racist” person on Earth, what does that make Barker? Dead?

Donald Trump is less racist than you. He is less racist than Nelson Mandela. He is less racist than newborn babies, those racist fucks. [TPM]

 
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{ 124 comments }

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Wonder how well old Randal Pinket still likes his job in the copy room.

CapeClod May 9, 2011 at 1:35 pm

You mean his job cleaning the copy room?

Weenus299 May 9, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Some of his best friends have been chosen as apprentices.

AutomaticPilot May 9, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Some of my best friends are Republican douches.

baconzgood May 9, 2011 at 1:33 pm

I'm not racist either. This morning a black man was getting on the bus in front of me and I didn't even push him down.

JustPixelz May 9, 2011 at 1:47 pm

That's why ou have a great relationship with The Blacks. Have you always had a great relationship with The Blacks?

baconzgood May 9, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I've always had a great relationship with black people….It's the chinks I gotta problem with.

Arken May 9, 2011 at 1:49 pm

But you made sure he sat in the back at least, right?

CapeClod May 9, 2011 at 1:34 pm

"Van Jones is a guy trying to get some publicity for himself by attacking Donald Trump.”

And Donald thinks its a disgrace that someone should be that publicity hungry.

BerkeleyBear May 9, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Given the amount of time spent by Beck on Van Jones, I think the last thing Mr. Jones needs is publicity.

Weenus299 May 9, 2011 at 1:34 pm

"Now Omarosa, on the other hand, she was just uppity."

SudsMcKenzie May 9, 2011 at 1:34 pm

I'm very proud of him.

BerkeleyBear May 9, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Not as proud as he is of him.

nappyduggs May 9, 2011 at 1:35 pm

"And I think most people that know me would tell you that. I am the least racist."

As they say, less is more. Methinks the merkin doth protest too much.

lefty74 May 9, 2011 at 1:36 pm

I kinka always thought either you are a racist or you aren't a racist.
Like pregnancy. One cannot be the least pregnant person on the planet.

JustPixelz May 9, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Trumpettte may be as fair-minded as we'd all like to be. But when he talks about race, he sounds defensive.

And Fox is like an all-white country club. Where the member's kids get into Yale as legacy admission.

David_in_NYC May 9, 2011 at 6:17 pm

You only say that because you never asked the Donald. He is both the least racist AND the least pregnant person on the planet.

nounverb911 May 9, 2011 at 1:36 pm

"Hired Black Guy Six Years Ago On TV"
He's keeping both my shoes and cars well shined.

bumfug May 9, 2011 at 1:36 pm

And then last night he fired all three of the black women on Celebrity Apprentice.

GunToting[Redacted] May 9, 2011 at 2:11 pm

My step-sister-in-law (Jesus, these integrated families are complicated) was runner-up on CelebApp last year. She now states that one of her proudest moments was NOT being selected to win by that asshole.

widestanceroman May 9, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Meaning he is no better at racism than he is at business.

neiltheblaze May 9, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Aw, c-mon Donald – don't be so hard on yourself You're as racist as anyone in the field! You just have to practice more.

x111e7thst May 9, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Donald Trump has the least racist hair in history.

Lascauxcaveman May 9, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Polyesters and rayons get along with people of all ethnicities.

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

I that's true, because Benetton ads.

mavenmaven May 9, 2011 at 1:37 pm

yes, there are many people who are racist against many different kinds of people, I at least am not racist against Eastern European immigrants with big racks.

Limeylizzie May 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm

How about Northern European immigrants with big racks?

rhubarbpie2 May 9, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Luckily for Trump and his interviewers this wasn't a "least brain-dead" contest.

CapeClod May 9, 2011 at 1:55 pm

And that the only people watching "Fox and Friends" are old and white.

Goonemeritus May 9, 2011 at 1:37 pm

He is not even the least racist Republican Fake candidate this year.

CapeClod May 9, 2011 at 1:37 pm

I would love to see him and Colbert have a debate about which of them is the least racist person.

nounverb911 May 9, 2011 at 1:37 pm

"Hired Black Guy Six Years Ago On TV"
He polishes my bald spot before I get my combover.

baconzgood May 9, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Sooooo Donald Trump has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture? Run with Glenn. Run with it.

BZ1 May 9, 2011 at 1:38 pm

The Donald isn't positing: "I have a black friend argument?"

Lascauxcaveman May 9, 2011 at 1:46 pm

A black employee, anyway.

GregComlish May 9, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Not "a black employee" but "The Most Black" employee.

Schmannnity May 9, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Since the birther stunt cratered, I guess he is going to have to re-investigate Jeremiah Wright–in a totally non-racist way, of course.

nounverb911 May 9, 2011 at 1:39 pm

I've never watched his show, is it still on?

OkieDokieDog May 9, 2011 at 1:39 pm

I think that rich old white robber baron Gop and Teabagger guys are the most racy-ist of the racists, and I'm not racist against white guys, so I trump the Trump.

Sue4466 May 9, 2011 at 1:39 pm

New game! Trump says that "most people that know me would tell you" something like it's like a separate validation of his own opinion. E.g., "I think most people that know me would tell you I am a very smart guy, the smartest, actually."

Now for the home version: "I think most people that know me would tell you I have a squirrel living on my head."

x111e7thst May 9, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Looks more like a dead muskrat to me.

zhubajie May 9, 2011 at 7:46 pm

"In fact, it's dead!"

jus_wonderin May 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Snark off: Did he ever say he paid or compensated the maid (as i child support)?

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Goonemeritus May 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Three helium light bands I would estimate.

Frost/Nixon/Robocop May 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Everyone he evicts from their homes loves him!

elviouslyqueer May 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Yea right, Donald. And Elton John is the least gayest person there is, also too.

chascates May 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Donald Trump is the ideal human being in every way and some that aren't.

El Pinche May 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

You know you're a racist when you have to get on Fox and Friends and repeatedly state that you're not a racist.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 2:26 pm

"Four white people sittin' in a tree,
All R-A-C-I-S-T!"

tessiee May 9, 2011 at 11:20 pm

"You know you're a racist when you're on Fox and Friends"

Shorter.

a_pink_poodle May 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Ah the good ol' "I'm not racist, I have (race) friends" excuse! Not as fun as the "I'm not racist BUUUUUUT" but still pretty fun!

Mumbletypeg May 9, 2011 at 1:43 pm

OK fine Donald you're not a racist. (You just happen to be very popular with them.)

SorosBot May 9, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Trump may be telling the truth; he might not be a racist, but may just keep saying racist things to pander to the racist GOP base. Which is just as bad.

horsedreamer_1 May 9, 2011 at 1:44 pm

The Donald-Omarosa relationship is as affectionate as the Oprah-Gayle relationship. FACT.

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 1:44 pm

They could make it a weekly reality show!

OC_Surrrrrrf_Serf May 9, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Bob Barker gave away…

No fair!! Barker, too, was coloured (partly red).

widestanceroman May 9, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Perhaps his mouth could be stretched over a Japanese reactor core and concrete poured into his anus. At last, he might contribute something to this world.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Barry said/implied it best: Trump is a carny barker. His natural habitat is a carnival midway sinking in a mud-soaked Great Plains cornfield, which blue-haired farm-widows cruise past in K-cars, pressing their lips in disgust.

4tehlulz_lite May 9, 2011 at 1:45 pm

On the Birthernacht episode of Apprentice, he will say that he doesn't mad when someone calls him a nigger, so neither should blacks.

RadioGroundZero May 9, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Hey, at least it is a new variant on a theme. "I'm not a racist but,…" has now become "I'm the least racist person in the world, but…."

Maman May 9, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Trump can't be racist… the Blacks LOVE him.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Also the Jews, too. Also.

nounverb911 May 9, 2011 at 1:51 pm

No we don't.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 1:53 pm

My brutha! (Culturally; I'm an orthodox agnostic/empiricist).

Lascauxcaveman May 9, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Gee, nounverb, I didn't know you were black. Now I'm going start acting all weird around you.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 2:09 pm

He's a Semite, dude/dudette. Pay attention to the arrow-tabs!

Monsieur_Grumpe May 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Yeah Donald and I am the most humble person in the world. Top that!

WhatTheHolyHeck May 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

So that's why my newborn wouldn't breast feed. Ingrate.

I'll show him and cast him in a Jodie Foster movie with an animal puppet. Racist little fucker will never see the light of day again.

DemmeFatale May 9, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Yes, Donald. Yes.

I love how he pats himself on the back, while referring to himself in the third person.

tessiee May 9, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Bob Dole also refers to Bob Dole in the third person.

baconzgood May 9, 2011 at 1:51 pm

And with that Don Just lost Arizona in primaries.

petehammer May 9, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Summary:

Four very white people talking about racism, one of them nods in a way that says "I am pretending to recall what you are talking about, but no one really remembers reality shows a year after they air."

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 2:12 pm

"Four white people, sittin' in a tree,
Crazy racists, all can see…"

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 1:52 pm

P.T. Barnum – (sense of humor + intelligence) = Donald Trump

metamarcisf May 9, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Watching 60 Minutes last night, it would have been easy to picture Trump being the one interviewed by Steve Croft. Except if it was Trump, he would have been more decisive and more American and everything.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 1:54 pm

The imaginable contrast is, well, unimaginable.

pinkocommi May 9, 2011 at 1:55 pm

You know how some of Trump's best friends are ugly women, but he wouldn't want to marry them? . . . Same policy for black people.

Lascauxcaveman May 9, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Funny true story about how racist I am: I met a very black local semi-homeless guy who said he just moved here, looking for work. I had some projects lined up, so I hired him for two days of casual labor at my hotel, and he had such a mush-mouth deep Southside accent that when I asked him where he was from, and he said "Chicago" I thought he said "The Congo."

So I replied, "Gee, you've got pretty good English for a guy fresh off the boat from Africa."

We both had a good laugh about it after I explained to him that I was really hard of hearing. "Yeah, uhm, I noticed."

DaRooster May 9, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Sorry folks… "Winning" and becoming Trumps Apprentice… that ain't winning.

Lucidamente1 May 9, 2011 at 1:59 pm

And Steve Doocy is the least closeted person there is.

tessiee May 9, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Shorter: I am very, very, very, very, non-racist.

fuflans May 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm

please please please let the donald and the newt primary together. for the comedy.

please please please.

MinAgain May 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Oh, sure, Trump hired a black person once, but has he married one yet? Nope.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 2:05 pm

I clarify: Strom never admitted anything. The family acknowledged her after he died, per Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strom_Thurmond

zhubajie May 9, 2011 at 7:44 pm

That was mighty white of him!

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 11:12 pm

ISWYDT.

GunToting[Redacted] May 9, 2011 at 2:07 pm

There are only two things I can't stand… Intolerance, and the Dutch.

BarackMyWorld May 9, 2011 at 2:08 pm

He may not like "the blacks," but to be fair he dislikes poor whites just as much.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Portland, ME or Portland OR? I ask because I've been in both, and I can't imagine a Mainer knowing of the existence of any place called "the Congo."

tessiee May 9, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Portland, OR (home of Powell's, the world's largest bookstore, yay).

aguacatero May 9, 2011 at 2:11 pm

I hear a "Are You Less Racist than Donald Trump?" reality show coming round the bend, and it will make our country even prouderer.

James Michael Curley May 9, 2011 at 2:11 pm

I don't know who those three people are, but when I see them I think that is what Sarah Palin saw when she started halucinating about Death Panels.

Lascauxcaveman May 9, 2011 at 2:13 pm

In my defense, I'm reallllly hard of hearing.

And the dude just looked African to me. Compact, muscular, extremely dark skin, clothes all wrong-looking for an American black male. So anyway, I know I'm kinda racist, making assumptions based on how the guy looked.

tessiee May 9, 2011 at 11:26 pm

"And the dude just looked African to me. … So anyway, I know I'm kinda racist, making assumptions based on how the guy looked."

Or, if not actually racist, not 100% clear on the distinction between African-American, i.e., black guy who was born here, and African-American, i.e., born in Africa and moved to America.

It suddenly occurs to me that there are a lot of people unable to make that distinction, but only where Pres. Obama is concerned, so I should say that I'm not calling you a birther.

SorosBot May 9, 2011 at 2:24 pm

..and America's largest concentration of hipsters. Well, maybe Austin has more.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Has anyone counted the pork-pie hats/square mile? Or are they innumerably numerous?

Lascauxcaveman May 9, 2011 at 2:31 pm

And despite all that, I'd gladly move back there for the brew pubs.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 2:35 pm

With luck, I'll be vacationing out there this summer. I love it.

Geminisunmars May 9, 2011 at 2:30 pm

I'm not racist, but I keep reading your name as WhiteyWhiterton.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 2:31 pm

I like it! I won't change it, but your version made me smile.

Geminisunmars May 9, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Donald says "it's okay [to attack him for publicity] because a lot of people do that". With logic like that no wonder he is becoming king of Teabaggerishness.

BaldarTFlagass May 9, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Oh, fuck it:

Do you know who else claimed to be the least racist person he knew?

SayItWithWookies May 9, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Herman Cain?

SorosBot May 9, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Hedley Lamar?

102415 May 10, 2011 at 4:44 am

Everyone over at Breitbart last week. Yesterday not so much not so much.

ShaveTheWhales May 9, 2011 at 2:34 pm

You know, it's nice that Trump has a rich fantasy life and all, but I'm ready for him to stop sharing it.

HobbesEvilTwin May 9, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Yes, but Jack Stuef's "storytelling ability and word usage (coming from [trump], who has written many bestsellers), is not at a very high level."
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/08/opinion/lweb08t

mourningnmerica May 9, 2011 at 2:41 pm

In related news, I am the least lazy person I know, and I have the least smallest dick. I think people that know me will tell you that. So I have the least smallest dick.

hagajim May 9, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Donald may not be racist, but his is the biggest self-aggrandizing prick ever.

Redhead May 9, 2011 at 2:57 pm

He's also the least sexy, least interesting, least intelligent and least aware person in the world.

sezme May 9, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Donald Trump doesn't care about black people.

But that doesn't make him a racist.

PostApocalypse May 9, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Like many of the blacks, Trump himself is very articulate. Wait… no he's not.

GhostBuggy May 9, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Isn't the least racist person alive still racist?

finallyhappy May 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

yes, actually, you are correct.

Thedongsofwar May 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm

So he's still a racist, just racist enough to meet the label. That's nice.

RavenRant May 9, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Trump/Dr. Laura/Mel Gibson 2012!

World's getting more complicated. We need two VPs.

MarionNYNY May 9, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Compared to David Duke and Jesse Helms, Trump is the least racist. Compared to normal people, not so much.

Sassomatic May 10, 2011 at 1:35 am

He's way less racist than Archie Bunker, and he made out with a black dude on TV.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi May 10, 2011 at 11:04 am

Ball Of Confusion (That’s What The World Is Today)

give it up government we are on to your lies
give it up media we are on to your lies

watch?v=miZWYmxr8XE
watch?v=6kEBTOw0ppA

ttommyunger May 10, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Never paid much attention to the Trumpster until this faux Presidential Campaign thing came along. Now I understand why.

benjo765 May 10, 2011 at 2:57 pm

He is less racist than your white younger brother who's obsessed with hip-hop.
He is less racist than a platypus making love to a bald eagle.
He is equally as racist as a guy in a vegetative coma who involuntarily makes sound sometimes. He may well be that guy.

Lascauxcaveman May 9, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Can't be. Sammy Davis Jr. is long dead.

WriteyWriterton May 9, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Ha!

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