The First Time Republicans Debate Who Is Least Likely To Be President Liveblog

by Jack Stuef

You laugh, but he actually looks like a pretty strong candidate against this field.Tonight, American history is made: it is the first time there in American history that there is no chance American history will be made. THE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ARE DEBATING. Well, five of them are. And not even any of the “good” ones, who, if you’re keeping score at home, are mediocre at best. And it’s on Fox News, so most of the questions will be variations on “Can we trust this communist terrorist to run the economy? Yes, no, or no and also Ronald Reagan was the greatest president ever?” Please refer to our drinking game so you don’t get boredom-onset seizures! Drinking will keep you busy. And this liveblog, which starts NOW.

9:00 PM — Haha, remember the last time we liveblogged? And Obama blew up that guy’s face? Yeah, these guys have no chance.
9:00 PM — Very scary into! Thank God we have these candidates to protect us from — Obama killing poor Osama bin Laden?
9:01 PM — “Here’s Ron Paul and the people who don’t have a job.”
9:03 PM — Orange tie? Is Pawlenty a New Democratic Party candidate? HE’S A CANADIAN TERROR BABY! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
9:03 PM — We totally nailed this first question/answer. Drink!
9:04 PM — Haha, Herman Cain. “I would not release the photo of bin Laden. I would release a photo of a delicious pizza. Small business!”
9:05 PM — Santorum: Thank you, President Bush, for using your powers to force Obama to kill bin Laden. (Did Bush also make him pass Obamacare?)
9:06 PM — Ron Paul wearing his best tie. Just happens to be his Halloween tie. (Do they all have orange ties? Maybe the lighting is just weird.)
9:07 PM — Why aren’t other former pizza CEOs on the stage? Did Godfather’s Pizza sponsor this debate?
9:09 PM — Herman Cain does not know facts. He knows his grandmother’s old-country Italian food. That’s all he needs. Pizza pizza!
9:09 PM — Gary Johnson should probably not draw attention to the passage of time.
9:11 PM — Santorum just endorsed Islam.
9:12 PM — What was that weird sound Pawlenty made into the mic? Did he just remember who John Galt is?
9:14 PM — Chris Wallace is SO ANNOYED with your clapping, libertarians. Stop clapping or he will SIGH AT YOU.
9:15 PM — Ooh, Santorum went slightly over his beep! What a badass!
9:18 PM — Gary Johnson is really regretting sticking that bag of frozen peas in his pants.
9:19 PM — “Evangelical Christian / Married / Two Children.” We think the winner is going to be the one whose bio lists “Brought Gun Here.”
9:20 PM — Herman Cain: “We have all the oil we need here in America! Just get a napkin and soak it off our pizzas!”
9:22 PM — Yes let’s not drag health care out to Washington, DC, Pawlenty. And let’s move Medicare and Medicaid out to a ditch somewhere in middle-of-nowhere Wyoming.
9:24 PM — Santorum: Put people in charge of the entitlements! Scavenge food in the forest for yourselves, children on food stamps!
9:26 PM — Ron Paul’s been busy growing those eyebrows out the past few years.
9:27 PM — When did Eric Cantor start strumming away on that electric guitar? We didn’t see his arms move.
9:30 PM — Ahhhh, too much shit in that Santorum statement to even address. But did he just say the founders were anarchists?
9:32 PM — That is the first time anyone has cheering anything relating to the Federal Reserve. Except for that time Alan Greenspan did a striptease in a congressional hearing.
9:34 PM — Hermain Cain: “Who are your experts? The Noid? The Little Caesar’s guy? Figures!”
9:35 PM — Gary Johnson just drew attention to the fact that he is the biggest loser of these losers. “Ugh, give me questions! *DEBATE HANDSSSSSSSS!*”
9:36 PM — WHY ARE WE DEBATING MINNESOTA POLITICS? YOU JUST MADE THE BORING MORE SO.
9:38 PM — Gary Johnson: “We are on the verge of financial collapse, and I say that from the standpoint of being reduced to selling fake turquoise jewelry by the side of the road in my home state so I can buy food.”
9:39 PM — Haha, Rick Santorum’s dad beat him for not hating immigrants.
9:40 PM — Rick Santorum: “I fought my urge to learn Italian and accidentally turned into a Hispanic. Vote for me, taco people!”
9:42 PM — Rick Santorum has yet to address if his grandmother translated her delicious pizza recipe into English. GET ON THIS, CAIN.
9:44 PM — DEBATE WINNER UPDATE: Barack Obama still destroying it.
9:44 PM — Also, another debate winner: people who are watching something that is not this.
9:45 PM — Had the president listened to Pawlenty on Libya, he would have let Pawlenty be president.
9:46 PM — Santorum: We have tolerated a lot of this “Muslim stuff” from the Pakistanis, but it’s time they help us make abortion illegal.
9:48 PM — Herman Cain is imaging what a Ron Paul theme pizza would consist of.
9:49 PM — Thank God Scott Walker is here! Finally, somebody who can win the presidency.
9:50 PM — DEBATE WINNER UPDATE: the hookworms infesting Gary Johnson’s intestines.
9:54 PM — But seriously, where’s the white guy who runs the South Carolina Republican Party?
9:55 PM — Ron Paul: there should be no institution of marriage. Just make it a pre-nup and make it as capitalistic as possible.
9:56 PM — Herman Cain: DOMA was “signed in 191996.” Bill Clinton must have eaten a time-traveling ziti.
9:57 PM — Pawlenty: “I killed Rick Santorum’s baby. And I’d do it again in a second.”
10:00 PM — Rick Santorum: “If I didn’t have social issues to talk about, I would die. Mitch Daniels is trying to give me AIDS and kill me.”
10:00 PM — Those founding fathers must be pissed they still haven’t been able to get rid of abortion. WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM, SANTORUM? HURRY UP.
10:03 PM — Ron Paul waving his arm around like that is making Herman Cain all PTSD about that time he almost got stabbed by a pepperoni.
10:04 PM — Pawlenty is not “anti-chicken.” So his title is “FORMER CEO OF CHIK-FIL-A”?
10:06 PM — Tim Pawlenty is very sorry that he once saw a baby deer and didn’t kick it.
10:07 PM — Tim Pawlenty calls past cap-ant-trade support “ham-fisted.” To Herman Cain, those are fighting words. (If you forgot from all our other jokes, Herman Cain is the pizza guy.)
10:08 PM — Rick Santorum’s mind is going to be blown when he hears about stay-at-home dads.
10:09 PM — Why does Rick Santorum hate working? Does he want all women to be welfare queens?
10:11 PM — “Now everybody raise their hands if they would use heroin if Ron Paul made it legal. Okay.”
10:13 PM — Look at that face! Gary Johnson is totally lying about smoking pot. He wouldn’t know where to get it even if he could afford it.
10:15 PM — Herman Cain thinks the next president will be the one who “projects the most amount of leadership strenth.” So congrats to the 45th president of the United States, Zordon the floating face from Power Rangers.
10:16 PM — DEBATE WINNER UPDATE: After all this, you know what still sounds really good all the time? Pizza.
10:18 PM — Tim Pawlenty says we need a president who sticks true to his word. “So don’t vote for me! I fucked up on that cap-and-trade thing!”
10:19 PM — Did you see that graphic? Gingrich did not get a state and Trump didn’t get a state OR an “(R).” Fox News just deported Gingrich and Trump! And told a little truth about Trump.
10:20 PM — Oh hooray this thing is almost over.
10:22 PM — Haha, this debate is so lame there’s a category about the candidates who didn’t bother to show up.
10:23 PM — Herman Cain: “Mitt Romney is a loser and I get free pizza for life. Need I say more?”
10:24 PM — Ron Paul forgot who Michele Bachmann is. Good for him.
10:25 PM — Rick Santorum on Gingrich: “Stand up for the truth and let the [mistresses] fall where they may.” Now, if Gingrich was a woman.
10:26 PM — Gary Johnson: “I have a lot of time on my hands… Wait, let me butt back in! I REALLY have a lot of time on my hands!”
10:27 PM — Herman Cain just said we need “leadership” not “positionship.” PUT HIM IN CHARGE OF ALL THE PIZZA. HE CAN HANDLE IT.
10:30 PM — DEBATE WINNER UPDATE: yeah, it was those Gary Johnson hookworms. Congrats, you guys! You did it! Good night.
10:33 PM — WAIT! BREAKING! WE STILL HAVE FOX NEWS ON AND THE FRANK LUNTZ FOCUS GROUP OF WHITE PEOPLE JUST SAID HERMAN CAIN WON BY A LANDSLIDE. People really fucking like pizza. Stop underestimating that, Beltway media!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 435 comments }

MittsHairHelmet May 5, 2011 at 9:02 pm

"Not even any of the 'good' ones"?!?!

RON PAUL/JESSE THE BODY 2012!

AJW@[redacted] May 5, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Is it over yet? Can I come out from under my covers now?

Amoriahs May 5, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Don't forget to take a bong rip when Gary Johnson is asked about his marijuana legalization position!

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:10 pm

I only wish I could. Fuck this puritan state.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:03 pm

It's eerily reminiscent of the duel for last place in Survivor: Redemption Island.

poncho_pilot May 6, 2011 at 3:03 am

and if one of these yahoos became president it would be eerily reminiscent of the film Duel.

Gopherit May 5, 2011 at 9:03 pm

don't forget about http://wonkette.chatango.com

and t-paw is a pussy.

Barb May 5, 2011 at 9:03 pm

This feels weird to do sober.

MittsHairHelmet May 5, 2011 at 9:04 pm

I've been drinking since 2

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Aha! I knew it.

FakaktaSouth May 5, 2011 at 9:05 pm

We drank right quick and rushed home from Cinco-ing to see this shit, and it has ALREADY killed my buzz. However, I'm half wasted and these fucktards are making me feel smart as hell, so cheers.

Barb May 5, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Get ON with your bad self! I'm voting for you.

Arken May 5, 2011 at 9:12 pm

A late drinker, eh?

deanbooth May 5, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I would drink a lot if I liked the taste of any alcohol. I'd be drunk every day if it came in pill form.

MittsHairHelmet May 5, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Just keep drinking you'll get used to it

LesBontemps May 5, 2011 at 11:43 pm

I'd be drunk every day if it came in pill form.

It used to; it was called "Quaaludes." Ask the olds about it.

deanbooth May 5, 2011 at 11:51 pm

I know about Quaaludes, but they're drugs.

emmelemm May 5, 2011 at 9:03 pm

"So, how 'bout that birth certificate?"

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Tim Pawlenty thinks someone "looks weak?" No mirrors in the Pawlenty household, one assumes.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Ahem. As I was saying on the other live blog, I just sat down after a productive day to kick back with the wonkeratti and you're already up to more than 200 comments over there? I repeat, WTF? Are you losers already drunk?

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:11 pm

jeebus DBB I just got home and
I'm trying to cook dinner mix cocktails anmd type, get off my ass. lol.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:32 pm

I'm going to cry. A wonkeratti gave me lol to clarify snark. Thank you, and I'll consider it an early Mother's Day gift, since my young ingrates appear to be blowing it off, as usual. Sniff.

fuflans May 6, 2011 at 12:13 am

we will all happy mother's day you dustbowl!

ProgressiveInga May 5, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Yeah, diplomacy sucks T-Paw you pussy-footin' ugly bastard

Fuck Toad May 5, 2011 at 9:04 pm

My projection: Herman Cain wins debate and sweeps to a surprise victory. In a shocking yet daring move, he names Megs McCabe his running mate. In the interim, Meghan has married Dean Cain, TV's Superman.

Cain-McCain-Cain 2012!

Limeylizzie May 5, 2011 at 9:06 pm

You got downfisted and you made me laugh so upfisted tout suite.

emmelemm May 5, 2011 at 9:37 pm

How cool would it be if you could work a Candy in there somehow? Too bad John Candy's dead.

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:00 pm

I think what you want here is, "Cain-Cain -Cain -ain-ain-ain ain, McCain of Fools" and Aretha WAILIN'!!

(Can't you hear the music in your head? I can!!)

GuyClinch May 5, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Already shitfaced, thanks. I want hero Navy SEAL dog to fuck Santorum in the ass.

Limeylizzie May 5, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I am not drunk and I just screamed with laughter on the dog on asshole imagery

GuyClinch May 5, 2011 at 9:14 pm

I love you, Limey

Limeylizzie May 5, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Love you too, GuyClinch and I also love hero SEAL dog.

102415 May 5, 2011 at 9:27 pm

Back up for you too lizzie. haha I must be 45 seconds behind herself Miss Thing.

ttommyunger May 5, 2011 at 9:28 pm

ASPCA would go ballistic over this cruel and unusual deed.

finallyhappy May 5, 2011 at 9:35 pm

why do you hate the Navy Seal Hero Dog?!?!?

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:05 pm

The mod has said "Santorum" several times now without snickering. That's my prediction for most admirable thing to happen tonight.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:06 pm

So everything good that's happened is a result of that guy the Republicans keep saying we should forget about and live in the present, right?

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Tinfoil! Getcher tinfoil heah!

bumfug May 5, 2011 at 9:07 pm

This is like Wrestlemania with a title match between Dean "The Iceman" Malenko and Jacques "The Mountie" Rougeau.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Gdammit. Every time that fucker Paul opens his mouth about Afghanistan, I agree with him.

Arken May 5, 2011 at 9:14 pm

That's okay. Ask his opinion on the federal reserve or medicaid or the U.N. or abortion or taxes (etc.)

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:30 pm

As soon as he starts to speak at length, you'll come to your senses

TheMightyHaltor May 5, 2011 at 10:00 pm

That's how Libertarians get you: Rothschild conspiracy theories wrapped in a thin film of common sense.

zhubajie May 6, 2011 at 1:02 am

Yes, things are bad when a long-term loon like Ron Paul makes the most sense.

johnnyzhivago May 5, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Isn't a black guy forming "Godfather Pizza" sort of like an Italian guy starting "Buckwheat's Watermelons"?

BarackMyWorld May 5, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Godfather's Pizza has changed ownership more times than Mitt Romney's soul.

AJW@[redacted] May 5, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Think I'll just sit real quiet-like in the corner over here, and counterfist the downfister…

102415 May 5, 2011 at 9:28 pm

I'm right behind you just in case she has her other computer on.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Well — Herman Cain definitely has the grasp of military theory that I would expect of a pizza company CEO.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Fuck this shit–is the whole lineup of loonies going to say get out of Afghanistan? Why not Iraq, too?

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Hermain Cain just admitted that he has no background in or for governing

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:07 pm

At least he has the black pizza shop owners, vote. Making a move on the Greek sushi chefs association next. I think I learned about this playing RISK!

Jukesgrrl May 6, 2011 at 12:31 am

What do you want to bet he's voted fewer times than Meg Whitman.

scorpsav May 6, 2011 at 2:56 am

he sounds like the smartest of the bunch tho

GuyClinch May 5, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Fuck T-paw with his torture agenda. Even Walnuts — WALNUTS! — said torture had no role in finding bin Laden.

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:08 pm

I always thought of living in Minnesota as torture. AND with him???

fuflans May 6, 2011 at 12:19 am

2012 is going to make the entire 2008 election – the ENTIRE 2008 election – look like an academic discourse on string theory.

ProgressiveInga May 5, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Had to bail – I quit drinking over 20 yrs ago and doing this sober just hurts. Hey, Michael Moore is on Piers Morgan!

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Yes, he is, and he got the gig via Twitter yesterday.

gef05 May 5, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Which one of these guys is Osama Bin Laden? Is it all of them? I'm confused.

starfanglednut May 6, 2011 at 10:11 am

Yes, all of 'em, Katie.

bumfug May 5, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Why watch? No matter how much you hate him you know Scottie's gonna win this fucker. Oh, wait. That's the bullshit competition on the regular Fox channel.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Gary Johnson: "Tomorrow may involve several months"

not that Dewey May 5, 2011 at 10:00 pm

That's just the pot talking. Very koan-like.

MittsHairHelmet May 5, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Well that's all I can take. It's been real.

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Ugh, is there NO where online with a live feed other than loathsome FUXNews?

FakaktaSouth May 5, 2011 at 9:11 pm

I wish when NM Potential Pot Pres had burped just then that some smoke had come out. That woulda been the shit.

GuyClinch May 5, 2011 at 9:11 pm

These Pavlovian dogs are doing pretty well reaching the end of their leashes when that bell goes off!

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Does Bates College have a master's program?

AJW@[redacted] May 5, 2011 at 9:18 pm

For pets, yes.

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Does your dog come. When its called?

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 9:21 pm

TWO upfisties for that one!

finallyhappy May 5, 2011 at 9:36 pm

no, but they have a great motel!

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Screw that pot-smoking governor. I don't want to leave Libya, I want to leave the other two wars and bomb the fucking shit out of the tanks around Mizrata. (sp? live blog leaves no time to wiki shit.)

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Santorum is a weasely man, in looks and temperament

Jukesgrrl May 6, 2011 at 12:32 am

But his children are real beauties. Soulful, too.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Santorum said people who modernize Islam get killed? Kemal Ataturk, anyone? The last person who needs to be leading our non-war on Islam is a fundamentalist.

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:17 pm

And people who absolutely, totally refuse to reform Catholicism get elected 1 term Senators, or Pope/Supreme Court Justice for life.

No more German Shepherds!!

johnnyzhivago May 5, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Will the next five candidates please come on the set….

axmxz May 5, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings? We are only auditioning the singing Hitlers!

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Are all you wimps leaving? Hey, I know–let's liveblog Rachel Maddow. I mean, since we're all here together, cozy like.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Paul said that Americans may be subject to secret prisons? Did I hear that wrong? Did he rent Red Dawn last night?

Limeylizzie May 5, 2011 at 9:20 pm

MrLimeylizzie worked on Red Dawn, I am so proud of him.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:21 pm

It was a fun movie, just not a documentary

RavenRant May 5, 2011 at 10:42 pm

These folks think 'The Flintstones' was a documentary.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Hooray the Paultards showed up in the audience, sorry Raven

RavenRant May 5, 2011 at 10:44 pm

I am not your conscience, Sweet Pea. It's a hard habit to break. And there's no patch for it.

johnnyzhivago May 5, 2011 at 9:15 pm

I'm in for an order of Chitlin Parmesan!

Gold_ManSacks May 5, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Tim Pawlenty sounds like a Will Forte impersonation of Tim Pawlenty.

Limeylizzie May 5, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Is this worth my getting my fat bottom up from the couch and going into the bedroom to watch?

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Not if you have to leave the rest of us.

Limeylizzie May 5, 2011 at 9:26 pm

I will take my laptop with me darling.

emmelemm May 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

I love it that you said "bottom", instead of the crude American "butt".

ProgressiveInga May 5, 2011 at 9:20 pm

No Ma'am. I quit watching after about 4 minutes in – you're fine keeping your fine bottom where it is…..IMHO. The blogging is much more entertaining than the actual event.

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:20 pm

I know I'm a little late to this party but may I just have a peek before I make up my mind?

RavenRant May 5, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Not 'bum'?

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Tim Pawlenty knows the name of countries he's been to. Bush set the bar a little low, but Pawlenty clears it.

AJW@[redacted] May 5, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Hope he didn't forget Poland!

JoeBiteme May 5, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Fuck me, there's not even a third place contender in this group…

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Sorry. I was having fun reading the wonkeratti comments and totally lost whatever the Canadian said. Did I miss anything good?

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:16 pm

T-paw, your state ran you out on a rail. Why do you think the country will have you as president?

GuyClinch May 5, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Pawlenty really looks like a strong leader. Of mentally challenged cub scouts.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Ron Paul is against water boarding, good for him.

fartknocker May 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

And Santorum thinks it was useful. Maybe we should waterboard him, you know, for fun.

genxr May 5, 2011 at 9:53 pm

We shouldn't waterboard Santorum for fun, but because it would be useful.

When we're done we'll ask him how it was useful.

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:25 pm

And if we don't get the right answer, we'll just keep on until we do. Then little Ricky will understand what this is all about. Stupid fuck. It's useful for making Ricky say what we want Ricky to say.

I'd like to dismiss Ricky but after Regan & W. ……………

fuflans May 6, 2011 at 12:28 am

ron paul is the only one of them to actually espouse anything approximating 'libertarianism' (though they all try to claim it to win the fat bagger vote).

i do not like him or it, but he is generally consistent.

well, except for abortion. of course.

GuyClinch May 5, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Definitely needs more Trump calling everybody motherfuckers.

RavenRant May 5, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Would've livened things up a bit. Santorum might have held his hands over his ears and cried.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:18 pm

They all want to torture people? These fuckers are scary because Paul is the least scariest. I mean, this shit is crazy.

RavenRant May 5, 2011 at 10:50 pm

These guys also think '24' is a documentary. They think the real solution is an army of Keifer Sutherland clones torturing everyone who crosses his path.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 6, 2011 at 1:01 am

Followed by Chuck Norris to mop up.

RavenRant May 6, 2011 at 1:08 am

Then run the Occupation Propaganda office. With the Plagiarizin' Pastor.

gef05 May 5, 2011 at 9:18 pm

Clearly the debate winner is anyone who didn't show up.

bumfug May 5, 2011 at 9:18 pm

King or the old-school Martin Luther?

GuyClinch May 5, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Old school. He called for a "reformation" of Islam, even though he said it pained him to use that word.

Doktor Zoom May 5, 2011 at 9:57 pm

To clarify, he'd like to see Islam reform itself into accepting Jesus Christ as its lord and savior

arihaya May 6, 2011 at 2:22 am

what? they already accepting Jaysus as penultimate prophet and great teacher

guess that is not enough

BarackMyWorld May 5, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Wow….how 17th century of him.

OhHellToTheNo May 6, 2011 at 9:03 am

He's clearly trying to steal the Minnesota Lutheran vote from Tim Pawlenty. Well played, Santorum. Well played indeed…
That man might last an extra week in the first half of the election season.

OhHellToTheNo May 6, 2011 at 9:02 am

I'll believe he said that when I see it nailed to a door!

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:18 pm

Time to kiss big business' ass now

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

well, I'm fuxed, stream requires Flash and I'm on an iPad, all comfy and reclining on my socialist bed. Gee, lotta Paultards chatting over there

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

I'd like to see them address, in light of their "evil enemy" characterization of Muslim radicals, whether the Arab Spring and Obama's support of democratic movements and his reaching out to the Muslim world in general has damaged radical islamic movements strategically.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:27 pm

Way too many big words. Even nuance. Amerikans hate nuance.

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:27 pm

big words!!!! run away, run away!!!!!!

fuflans May 6, 2011 at 12:21 am

i'm quite sure that happened.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

How can a man from New Mexico be so f'ing bland?

bumfug May 5, 2011 at 9:32 pm

He's not bland, he's fucking baked.

not that Dewey May 5, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Bill Richardson, if you'll recall, was a few notches below "invigorating". (And he also had the absolute limpest handshake I've ever encountered.)

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

All the fire is coming out the other end.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Did Gov. Shandling say we should get rid of corporate taxes?

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Gary needs to work on his sound bites.

undeterredbyreality May 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Rachel talking with guy who says Al Quaede is defunct. D-funkt. Great word. Can't /won't watch faux.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:26 pm

That was my idea. Watch Rachel together. But then we'd just all agree with everything.

undeterredbyreality May 5, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Yeah, I took your suggestion to heart. Agreement is good. I got no TV and won't pollute my History with clicking on Fox (it might infect the pr0n), so I only get to read the comments.

RavenRant May 5, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Time to start a band. D-funkt.

johnnyzhivago May 5, 2011 at 9:20 pm

These guys don't need to show their birth certificates…. more like their AKC papers.

RavenRant May 5, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Instead of suspicious pixels, we could check the chisel marks on the stone tablets.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:20 pm

If tax cuts didn't create jobs, time for more tax cuts!

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Thank God somebody is thinkin' right!

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Oh, shit. I just realized they paraded out Juan Williams to prove they're not rightwing dickwad news. Of course, he was NPR's rightwing dickwad.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:23 pm

..and he's not white, so he's a double win for them

not that Dewey May 5, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Just like they used to do every Sunday morning. It didn't work then; it's not gonna work now.

GuyClinch May 5, 2011 at 9:21 pm

In my mind, Pawlenty just sold me a used lawnmower. And that's about it.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Huh? Why doesn't the prez let companies be in SC? Did I miss something?

Oh, fuck. Here comes fucking Anwar.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:50 pm

The National Labor Relations Board said in a ruling that Boeing was moving jobs from Washington to S. Carolina as an arbitration weapon instead of bargaining in good faith and said it was illegal while still in talks with the union.

bumfug May 5, 2011 at 9:22 pm

I'd watch it if these assbites' spouses had a "Real Housewives of Stepford" show.

iburl May 5, 2011 at 9:23 pm

OK, I've had Paw-lenty of this smirking twerp.

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 9:25 pm

You have been equalized with an upfistie

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Attaboy Tpaw hit every fucking hotword you dickles douche.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:23 pm

What the hell — Cain just said we could use speculation to lower oil prices if we drilled so much oil that it would affect the world's supply. One, we don't have that much oil, and two, it's so hard to get that lowering the price of it would make it not cost-effective to drill here. The man's an idiot.

iburl May 5, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Not to mention that "America's Oil" belongs to the multinational corporation that extracts it. The extracted oil is then sold on the world market to the highest bidder. It's Never our oil because there is no such thing as an American Oil Company. (That would be Sochializm.)

BarackMyWorld May 5, 2011 at 10:10 pm

There you go bringing actual knowledge about the issues into things, instead of whatever the fuck it is conservatives consider to be true.

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:33 pm

"The man's an idiot."

Well then, at least the VP thing is wrapped up

FakaktaSouth May 5, 2011 at 9:23 pm

ooooooh somebody something about the Paul Ryan mandate you fuckers, come on

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Santorum had a nose job at some point. Result of a bar fight or just vanity? Silly question…

GuyClinch May 5, 2011 at 9:33 pm

I noticed that too. The nose looks like it wants to leave and spite his terrible face.

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Ok, I guess I gotta quote Chinatown (or misquote it) "Your wife crossed her legs"

If I'm wrong, don't correct me. Let me live in my dream world.

102415 May 5, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Upsi daisy!

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Yayyy — Santorum approves of Ryan's Medicare gutting. That'll make it easier on future debate moderators who wouldn't be able to look him in the eye without laughing.

Jukesgrrl May 6, 2011 at 12:40 am

He's the first pol in Pennsylvania I ever heard call for raising the retirement age to 70. He got kicked out of office in the next election. Had nothing to do with fetuses or man-on-dog. Pennsylvanians are plumb tuckered out by the time they reach 65 and they're not working ONE MORE DAY, dammit!

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Meh, I could be on second life being a little kitty right now.

FakaktaSouth May 5, 2011 at 9:30 pm

But, but there's all these huge pussies right here!

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Let's parade out the tort reform myth.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Rachael's on commercial too noooooo.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:28 pm

This looks like they are all running to be president of the junior high school A.V. Club

gef05 May 5, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Only with poorer choices of ties.

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:37 pm

And all in 3rd place.

Dudleydidwrong May 5, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Political life is just the endless recapitulation of the election of 8th grade class president, and these guys are the ones who couldn't get anybody to nominate them–they keep trying and just make everyone miserable. I'll bet their wives wouldn't vote for them, let alone go to the 8th grade dance after the election results are announced.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Ha ha — the livestream didn't break away for the commercial. But they put up a Fox logo right after a makeup girl came onstage and started giving a touch-up to whoever was standing in the middle spot.

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Upfisted for excellence in Observation!

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Oh for fuck's sake, why does Fux keep telling me what fucking religion these assclowns belong to, or how many fucking kids they have? Is this really what is considered "qualifications" to the Aryan fuckwads sitting behind that fucking desk? Am I the only one whose preferred POTUS has absolutely no children and got into an argument with God over which Radiohead album is better with weed (Kid A, God said Pablo Honey and got laughed out of the room)?

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Apparently, whelping is how they assess each others manliness, like butt sniffing but more acceptable in public.

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 9:39 pm

I don't really see the difference, but a thousand strange-up-fists for the avatar.

emmelemm May 5, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Off topic, I also love yer little roly-poly avatar.

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Damn flyin' pig comes in with an opinion!

EDIT: I celebrated Cinco with my parents. Mucho taco margaritas. I think I'm becoming a violent Wonk.

EDIT2: I wanna pig!

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Invizibul philosophical tigerz for everyone!

undeterredbyreality May 5, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Kid A with weed, for sure. Pablo Honey maybe with meth?

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 9:47 pm

As a huge fan, I could honestly, with the exception of the b-sides, burn the entire album and still feel a little played. Clearly a "hey, look at us, we're like them" album.

Still, though, I'd fuck the hell out of Thom's wonky eye.

not that Dewey May 5, 2011 at 10:24 pm

You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts

mumbly_joe May 6, 2011 at 7:13 am

Well, that religion thing can be is useful. For example, when Frothy Mix references his faith when reaffirming his opposition to abortion, knowing that he's Catholic means that one can find out that the same catechism that condemns abortion is the one that condemns torture as well.

Of course, nobody's ever been denied communion because of their ardent support of the employment of torture, so we can be reasonably sure that despite their claims to the contrary, they don't give a single ever-loving fuck about issues of public policies that aren't abortion or the homosexuals.

OhHellToTheNo May 6, 2011 at 9:01 am

Stop being so negative. I look at those statistics as opportunities for hypocrisy and hilarity. More kids? Higher odds one of them will embarrass their family. More religion? More shit they do behind closed doors that we get to discover later. It's going to be an amazing election season, y'all.

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Oh, this is a frothy mix of frothy mixes!
http://www.google.com/search?q=frothy+mix

102415 May 5, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Up you go.

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 11:29 pm

And you, sir or madam or beach.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Santorum needs to tred lightly around Medicare. Pennsylvania is loaded with retirees and they run over him with their scooters

OhNoGuy May 5, 2011 at 10:38 pm

And why do you think he's an EX-SENATOR!!!!!!!!!!!

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:32 pm

How the hell, Mr. Santorum, is lack of affordable healthcare for fifteen percent of citizens a fumdamental belief of our founding fathers? The man reads the minds of dead people and understands their thoughts on current issues.

BarackMyWorld May 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm

I think they'd have said "grow your own leeches" but I'm not an expert.

iburl May 5, 2011 at 9:32 pm

having Obamacare means we are "Addicted to a Drug of Government".

Foamy, I think it's more like addicted to a drug of low prices and long lives.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Geeze — Paul's Constitutional sanctimony is just as ridiculous and hypocritical as Santorum's religious sanctimony.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Haha Paul;'sdone

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Back to gold. Fuck gold, Paul and Beck.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:34 pm

"When prices go up, they're defaulting on your money — so we need to look at the Federal Reserve system." Dumbest quote of the night goes to Ron Paul so far — but it's early yet.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Totally kills my get out of the wars buzz. Besides, I don't want to get out of Libya. I want those Seal badasses to kill fucknutz.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:54 pm

I'd settle for Fuckntz moving to Italy.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Italy's full up with fucknutz. When Berlusconi dies though, room will open up for about half a million more.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Damn experts!

iburl May 5, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Flat tax, the millionaire's crack.

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Ok, someone either needs to answer the door or solve the damn puzzle, cause the ding-ding is killing me.

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 9:34 pm

I am waiting for the day I can vote for the first Childfree atheist president. Because on that day, the Religiothuglicans tiny little heads will explode, and all the rational Republicans will crawl out of their stasis chambers

RavenRant May 5, 2011 at 11:02 pm

In other words, The Rapture!

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Cain: That's the part people forget to miss

undeterredbyreality May 5, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Is that a quote? 'cuz it's definitely sponge-worthy.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:04 pm

That is, in fact, a quote

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Are prebates good for pizza's?

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:39 pm

everyone is being down thumbed. Why don't the trolls pay attention to this lineup of conservtard gods? And leave the sane people alone?

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Oh Cain with the Fair Tax nonsense. So he's into every corporate windfall imaginable.

And Pawlenty gets testy! Alert the media! Oh, wait.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Simple minds love panaceas. I'm 63 and if I've learned one thing over the years, it's that there are no simple solutions to complex problems.

gef05 May 5, 2011 at 9:36 pm

The stage get up is a ripoff of the set for "Rock and Roll Creation" in Spinal Tap.

GuyClinch May 5, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Haha, pot guy (and I'm cool with that) just said "Fair tax Fair Johnson"

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 9:36 pm

"Why won't anyone ask me a stupid question for me to fuck up?" – That other fucker who showed up

BlueStateLibel May 5, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Oh wow, I just turned in. I'm going to need A LOT more alcohol if you expect me to endure this.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:37 pm

shorter tpaw it's not my fault.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:37 pm

T-Paw left his state in debt, he disagrees of course

ttommyunger May 5, 2011 at 9:37 pm

I am a certified, genuine brass-plated nobody, always have been and I have too much dignity and self-esteem to be seen in the company of this gaggle of misfits and malcontents in any venue under any circumstances at any time. So, I've got that going for me….

gef05 May 5, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Gunga Galunga.

ttommyunger May 11, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I'd like you to meet my daughter, Lacie Underall.

fuflans May 6, 2011 at 12:25 am

you are t tommy the younger of wonkette.

this is not nobody.

ttommyunger May 11, 2011 at 4:04 pm

You are too kind.

bumfug May 5, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Why watch? No matter how much you hate him you know Scottie's gonna win this fucker. Oh, wait. That's the bullshit competition on the regular Fox channel.

Gold_ManSacks May 5, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Here comes the racism.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Johnson is sweating and making his makeup run

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Gary Shandling wants to give Haley Barbour free reign over what to do with Mississippi's Mediare fund. Good idea? Really?

RavenRant May 5, 2011 at 11:05 pm

It'll be racial paradise in Mississippi, Chapter II.

finallyhappy May 5, 2011 at 9:39 pm

ha,ha, Perez hilton came out dressed as Princess Diana on her wedding day. I don't know who the "real housewife" is or why she is doing the show. And yes, it is much better than whatever you are watching on Faux.-unless the "candidates" came out in Kate Middleton wedding dress replicas.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Herman Cain gets too many questions. Affirmitave Action!!111!

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:48 pm

The moderators just want to hear his accent. It's novel to them.

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Free pizza.

Gold_ManSacks May 5, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Does Cain only speak in bullet points?

Your Pizza is 5 things; 1) delicious crust, 2) tangy tomato sauce, 3) a blend of cheeses, 4) spicy pepperoni and 5) crisp green peppers.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Santorum: "I used to say, 'Dad, why don't you teach me Italian?'"
Dad: Because we're Greek, dumbass.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Santorum is so uptight his farts must squeak

not that Dewey May 5, 2011 at 9:43 pm

I just allowed my DirectTV subscription to lapse (per Ken's advice); so, unless this thing is already out on Netflix, I won't be watching.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Johnson is wandering towards an answer, More Soundbites and Hotwords.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:43 pm

I have to go turn on the lights in the bunkhouse. Save my place and let me know if I miss anything good. Like one of them wants to compete with Trump and yells "fuck those motherfuckers," 'kay?

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Brett Baier is a bear.

That is all.

RavenRant May 5, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Does your bunkhouse come complete with cowboys?

trampndirtdown May 6, 2011 at 12:01 am

More of a Sooner gal I'm thinking.

RavenRant May 11, 2011 at 4:03 pm

A fantasy was beginning to form… Oh, well.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:44 pm

A) what is a war
2) who are we fighting

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Heh — Herman Cain repeats his military talking point. That poor little idea is going to get a workout tonight, you betcha.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Cain assumes that if something is unclear to HIM that it's unclear to the rest of us

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Pawlenty demands more questions and his two after that are pointed ones by Juan Williams about his state's budget deficit and his scrambled ideas about intervention in Libya. Ask and ye shall receive, Paw.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:46 pm

T-Paw is smoking dope wrt Libya. When did the rebels have control of most of the country?

FakaktaSouth May 5, 2011 at 9:47 pm

Oh Christ, Obama's gotta take out Kadafi now so Reagan can get the credit he deserves for killing him?

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:47 pm

Didn't have to leave, after all. Libya really has these guyz confused. They like war, but the Democratic president did it. He waited and didn't invade, meaning no defense contractor made a bundle on it. Still, Muslins are being bombed, except . . .

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Don't worry Tpaw you won't have to make any decisions as president.

102415 May 5, 2011 at 9:49 pm

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/05/05/ap/poli
Hey AP is boycotting this shit fest over restrictions. I'll keep upfisting but I want to watch that 30 Rock I missed.You know who else boycotted South Carolina Confederates/Conservatives over restrictions?

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:53 pm

MLK?

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Out on a limb here. Tina Fey?

[redacted]hse May 5, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Does that make Your Wonkette a scab?

mumbly_joe May 5, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Lincoln?

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Thank you Rick Santorum — for sternly declaring that we're not rattling our sabers enough and we should deal with Pakistan by, rather than the deft diplomacy that's enabled us to attack a house a quarter mile from a Pakistani military facility without getting kicked out altogether, with ultimatums and threats. Allies are so much harder than enemies to manage, we may as well be at war with the whole world.

undeterredbyreality May 5, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Yes it would be terrible to acknowledge that Pakistan has interests, too; and we certainly don't want to point to the obvious point that we pretty much do what we want to there, they publicly protest and condemn us, we do it some more, and they yell again to mollify their citizens, but we're still there, still doing it. Sometimes governments say one thing and do another, with good reason. Even ours.

JackObin May 5, 2011 at 9:49 pm

What this "debate" needs is a community college dropout with too many children, and an addiction to large lapel pins.

102415 May 5, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Yes, what happened to that guy? I must have played that youtube over ten times.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Frothy loves Pakistan? There goes Piyush as his running mate. Anyone who loves Pakistan has to be a hater of India.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Who's on the Trump bandwagon, guys?

FakaktaSouth May 5, 2011 at 9:51 pm

I sure do wish he was there – needz moar fuckin.

emmelemm May 5, 2011 at 9:53 pm

At least he'd be entertaining in his lunacy.

ProgressiveInga May 5, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Trump is on the Trump bandwagon. But definitely not Nascar.

102415 May 5, 2011 at 9:58 pm

The downfisters.

Limeylizzie May 5, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Are they all midgets except for T-Paw and he's just fucking weird looking, a mullet-coiffed cunt, if you will.

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Yes.

[redacted]hse May 5, 2011 at 10:36 pm

It makes for an interesting mental picture- thanks, Liz!

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Too many politicians aren't telling the truth about Wisconsin's fiscal crisis, huh? Like a governor who gives a whopping big tax cut to business then blames the deficit on public workers' pensions? Is that the kind of dishonesty you mean, Scott?

nounverb911 May 5, 2011 at 9:53 pm

I'm so glad I'm not watching the debate, this is much more entertaining. Just wanted to say hello to you all. I'm off now, it's time to watch the Mariners lose.

genxr May 5, 2011 at 9:54 pm

SC republican chair is going to show us cartoon drawings! Yay!

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 11:04 pm

What's your rush? We've got until Pauley comes in to lose.

Rasvar May 5, 2011 at 9:53 pm

This debate really needs Jimmy McMillan from the Rent is Too Damn High party. These guys are about as interesting as a discussion with Bin Laden's corpse would be right now.

102415 May 5, 2011 at 9:59 pm

You know who else is Too Damn High?

undeterredbyreality May 5, 2011 at 10:06 pm

Kareem Abdul Jabbar?

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Gary?

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Karen Floyd needs to break her addiction to false eye lashes

genxr May 5, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Ron Paul: states should decide civil rights issues. That's always worked out well.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Ron Paul's certifiable, but when he has a reasonable idea it's nice to listen to — especially in the context of legalizing gay marriage in this bunch of loons.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Buy my book.

genxr May 5, 2011 at 9:58 pm

I think you just found the only good reason to be in this debate tonight

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Goddammit, Ro-Paul over there making some sense. Does he even want to win?

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Ron Paul stands with the Gheys. There goes his chance of nomination

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Haha, you slow bastard, I beat you!

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:57 pm

And of course Paul gets to have it both ways — his civil libertarian ideas are clear, and then the rights of the states to quash those civil rights rather than be forced to allow them to be practiced by the Federal goverment is also clear.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Cain's not fond of the Gheys of course. He won't be nominated because he's black. Doesn't need to stick so close to party line.

TsunamiAli May 5, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Ron Paul has old man eyebrows (and probably nose and ear hair).

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Pawlenty's only pro-life because he's his own form of birth control.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Pot guy being booed. And someone thinks the pres. is treasonous. They know nothing about limited resources, do they? Like the Justice Dept moved from adult porn cases, because that was all the Republitards under Bush cared about, to terrorism and shit.

DOMA, dammit!

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Dr Tpaw sez if the bridge falls on yer head, then the stem thingys will fix it.

genxr May 5, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Just saw this comment go by on the FoxNews live chat:

"Santorum for President would be hard to swallow."

undeterredbyreality May 5, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Ed says the debate was *snoooorrrttt* a snoozer.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Jobs, that's something you create by making rich folks richer, right?

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Juan Williams: Does the GOP risk the perception that it's becoming the union-busting party?

Becoming?

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Shit. Now it's union bashing. How fucking pissed this is going to make me. I may have to leave. Winners and losers? It's the NLRB and the law of the land, fuckwads.

Hatrabbit May 5, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Too scared to look, has Obama sent in the Navy Seals yet?

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Here's how you reach rural states: Chicken fighting!

FakaktaSouth May 5, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Don't you feel you should tone down your homosexual position Santorum? You're getting frothy shit everywhere with all that flinging and flailing. Settle down dude, think of the sheets.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Ron Paul — touting Texas as the Mexico of America. No income tax, no corporate tax? Does Rick Perry afford that hair on donations alone?

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Pawlenty on teaching intelligent design — leave it up to the localities. Or at least anyone parochial enough to be for creationism.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:05 pm

See? Chickens. I told you.

genxr May 5, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Chickens! Drink!

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 10:16 pm

"Drink!"

Drink!

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:06 pm

Oh — and third hostile question from Juan Williams since the cry for attention. And TPaw kicks it to the next lowest level of government — brave, TPaw, brave.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:06 pm

That's all on "creationism?" Pussies. How opposed are they to science? I want to know!

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:06 pm

T-Paw is a secret cap and trade supporter. There go his chances.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Nothing to lose the Republitard vote like reason.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Just say it, T-Paw. I said what the liberals in my frozen state wanted. Because I'm gangsta'.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:07 pm

And Chris Wallace follows up by playing an environmental commercial that TPaw did. Someone at Fox doesn't like the fanatic in the gray flannel suit.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Santorum is a weasel, big old weasel

imissopus May 5, 2011 at 10:09 pm

I'm not watching, has Obama wrapped up the 2012 election yet?

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Ha Tpaw should have quit as governor then he wouldn't have a record.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Santorum says we should be affirming women's choices whatever they are. Hell, if the motherfucker's pro-Lizzie Borden I don't see why he can't be pro-Margaret Sanger.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Supports a woman's choice to die while squirting out his demon seed.

philpjfry May 5, 2011 at 10:10 pm

I didn't watch it and I am glad. I knew they were all fuckwads

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Ron Paul captures the stoner and meth head vote

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Someone has to.

Zvi_Bleindmeis May 5, 2011 at 10:19 pm

The Republican base, you mean.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Oh, he's saying we should affirm staying at home as much as we should affirm (women) working. But we've never forced women to go to work and become lawyers, mechanics and teachers like we once did with making them stay at home and keep them from being independent.

Rasvar May 5, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Every stoner in South Carolina must be in the audience tonight. The narc squad is probably photographing everyone clapping him for a huge bust after the debate.

FakaktaSouth May 5, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Is it a government that tells us WHAT to eat, OR a government that tells us if our meat, eggs, spinach or whatever has DISEASE in them? Regulations, what a bitch.

rocktonsam May 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm

When Chris Wallace gets home tonight, I hope his dad punches him right in face.

I first went to c-span to peek in, wasn't on.Its on FOX NEWS. Is this real?

This should make em forget about the bin-laden thing.

genxr May 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm

Republicans want to legalize it? O shit they have a secret weapon. Obama is toast, and I'm toasted.

iburl May 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm

Headline: Heroin gets huge applause on Fox News

Rasvar May 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm

How the hell is Johnson a Republican??? Only thing he is R on is free trade.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm

Wallace asks Shandling how far he'd go in terms of legalizing weed.

Me, I'd make schwag completely illegal. Just the good stuff, dammit.

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 10:21 pm

I consider myself a conasewer(?)…a coinasaurus(?)…I like weed a lot, and I have to say that a little Mexicani-dirt-weed does the trick on a budget. And, generally, any strain of weed that requires a name is gonna get me just as high as the skunk.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Johnson makes a run to grab the stoner vote back from Paul. Paul can keep the heroine and meth addicts

genxr May 5, 2011 at 10:15 pm

White Fox News dude finally asked black guy what the hell is he thinking.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Chris Wallace asked Cain why he thinks he has a chance. Lol. Awesome.

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Gary Johnson/Jackson/Joeson whatever, has just won my heart.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Lightning round? Why?

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:21 pm

The second "Lightning round" no less. Like it was a good idea the first time.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:16 pm

You know, a good percentage of the questions are actually pretty tough. This is probably a sign of how little a shot FOX believes these guys have.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Cain: nice suit. Too bad it's empty

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:16 pm

When is the ceremonial lynching of Cain. It is the150th anniversary of the War of Northern Aggression after all.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Lightning round! Since it's the GOP, it's the White Lightning Round! Cain, as we know, doesn't count.

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:17 pm

i'm about ready for some heroin at this point.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Cain: One right decision doth not a great president make.

Zero, on the other hand, makes a fuckin' genius — right, Dubya?

mumbly_joe May 5, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Ron Paul will do nothing for unemployment, just going to note. Nothing at all. He also seems unaware that "prices" and 'unemployment" are inversely related.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Fuck you Tpaw Hawaii isn't even a state.

mumbly_joe May 5, 2011 at 10:21 pm

I mean, geeeee I wonder why gas prices might be high on a bunch of islands that are hundreds of miles away from the nearest refinery.

ITS CLEARLY BECAUSE WE'RE NOT DRILLING IN THE GULF.iamsodrunkrightnow

iburl May 5, 2011 at 10:18 pm

There goes Hermann "The Black Munster" Cain talking about socializing the oil industry again.

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:18 pm

who knew that a frothy mix of lube and jizz could be sooooo fucking boring?

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:18 pm

What have you won lately frothy?

mumbly_joe May 5, 2011 at 10:18 pm

"I won a district by default. That is clearly a sign that I'm electable."

-Frothy mix.

FakaktaSouth May 5, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Santorum: "Thanks Gerrymandering!"
ughghhg fuck that guy.

rocktonsam May 5, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Morning Edition did a thing on Santorum today.

They made it quite clear he has been asshole since at least 1976.

iburl May 5, 2011 at 10:19 pm

How high is that New Mexican right now? 3 peyote buttons?

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Johnson admits that the GOP dropped us into debt. Between that and his high times, he's screwed

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:20 pm

jack, i think the proper pronunciation is "strenph".

/that's not racial transcendence

BTWBFDIMHO May 5, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Moi watching Hairspray (2007) instead. Better one Christopher Walken than 100 Santorum.

Zvi_Bleindmeis May 5, 2011 at 10:26 pm

The plural is Santora, if I remember my junior high school Latin.

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Maxima cowbell ad infinitum, amen.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Gary Shandling says (I swear I'm paraphrasing closely here) that he sees no reason why, after the Republicans got us into this economic mess, that anyone should vote Republican again. Yet he believes Republicans are the only ones who can get us out of this.

The man's got a line on some good weed, I can tell that about him. Wouldn't trust him to give me change for a nickel, but he's got some good herb.

genxr May 5, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Only Republicans can fix the mess they created. Sold!

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:22 pm

Commercial for Faux news Sunday. Exclusive interview with Dick Cheney. Totally exclusive, because no one else cares what the hateful old fuck has to say.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Someone please never let T-Paw say "I love the Huck" ever again.

mumbly_joe May 5, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Someone please make sure T-Paw says "I love the Huck" in every campaign commercial ever.

Also, too, "T-Paw".

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:24 pm

T-paw goes brokeback over Huckabee

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Joementum!

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:24 pm

LIGHTNING ROUND!!!1!

pssst herman tell me this: what do you think the odds are that america elects two black presidents in consecutive elections? what are the odds that those two black presidents will be from different parties? hmmmmmm?

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 10:27 pm

What are the chances anyone will ask you for your long-form BC?

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

BC = black cock, right?

oh wait.

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 10:30 pm

If that were the case, do you think I would use the term "long-form"? Little redundant.

mumbly_joe May 5, 2011 at 10:24 pm

CW: "Are you a low-rent Huckabee?"
TPaw: "No! I'm clearly a low-rent Romney. Where have you been?"

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Paul dissed Bachmann. I disagree with him on 99 percent of things but he does occasionally amuse me

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Ha, "All you guys suck, what the fuck are we doing here and who do you think will lose against Obummer?"

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Santorum always opposes pulling out.
Oh yeah fuck you Santorum. You prick.

Rasvar May 5, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Paul-Bachmann: The future presidential ticket…for the US version of the Monster Raving Loony Party.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Santorum on Gingrich's fucking around — "all of us make mistakes." You sorry hypocritical bastard — what did you say about Bill Clinton?

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Well obviously a blow job is worse than having penetrative sex and all

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Look at all the babbys they kilt.

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:26 pm

SOMEONE'S facial expression is saying "i'm trying my damndest to hold a frothy mixture of lube and spooge in my santorum hole".

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Santorum supports Newt's screwing around

mumbly_joe May 5, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Wow, indeed.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:26 pm

How High the reality show.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Gary Shandling is asked if he had a reality tv show, what would it be?

Um — doing Christopher Walken soliloquies?

iburl May 5, 2011 at 10:27 pm

The New Mexican wants to get HIGH!

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

"sarah's not heeere, maaaan."

FakaktaSouth May 5, 2011 at 10:27 pm

oh damn, I thought NM guy was gonna say I'm Stoned. And then I coulda been justified in having watching all of this…but he did just say something about Sarah Palin on her knees, so the remix of this fucker is going to be spectacular at least.

Rasvar May 5, 2011 at 10:27 pm

That explains Johnson! He suffers from Oxygen Deprivation!

genxr May 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Ron Paul studders like Porky Pig after "The role of government ought to be…"

mumbly_joe May 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Mount Everest, eh? So you might say, in other words, that you've gotten pretty HIGH in your day, huh.

genxr May 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Herb Cain: Pizza for all!

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Gold Donkey-Kong coins for everyone.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Good lord — Herman Cain thinks he's giving the Gettysburg Address. Where did the baritone come from all of a sudden?

CalamityJames May 5, 2011 at 10:32 pm

"Where did the baritone come from all of a sudden?"
There were a few white folks who hadn't left screaming.

iburl May 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Positionship? WTF Hermann Cain?

Uggh nevermind I googled it…

He makes up words like Shakespalin.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Watch out for that bridge Tpaw.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Wow — Tpaw's fake sincerity needs work.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:29 pm

I can safely say I wouldn't have watched the stinking pile of shit if it weren't for the wonkerattis' good company and Jack's self-sacrificing hosting. Evidently, it was so boring that even the trolls left.

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:35 pm

I concur, now i have to wash my T.V.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Santorum's got the face of a guilty youth pastor.

Terry May 5, 2011 at 10:29 pm

TPaw, what's a bridge failure between friends?

trampndirtdown May 5, 2011 at 10:29 pm

It's Lamestream Media dipshit.

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:30 pm

if johnson applied a cost/benefit analysis to his presidential run, he wouldn't be running, DOY.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Gary Shandling — most boring secretly-cross-dressing Republican pothead to have declared so far.

iburl May 5, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Aigh! Hannity!

BarackMyWorld May 5, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Herman Cain sounds like a really terrible high school principal.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:32 pm

I've got an early day tomorrow, so later, Losers! It was swell and nitey nite.

mumbly_joe May 5, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Oh thank god it's finally over.

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:32 pm

"ONE OF THE GOOD ONES."

OzoneTom May 5, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Things may be a bit awkward at the next House Crazy Caucus luncheon next time Ron bumps into Michele.

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Before I leave: will someone smash a watermelon in Frank Luntz' face? I hate the fucking piece of dog shit.

KenLayIsAlive May 5, 2011 at 10:39 pm

How about we paint his head like a watermelon and bring back Gallagher for a one-night command performance?

Frank Luntz is a slimeball.

Rasvar May 5, 2011 at 10:33 pm

This panel on Hanity proves that white South Carolina is bat-shit crazy. They love Herman Cain.

BarackMyWorld May 5, 2011 at 10:48 pm

"Ok…now, show of hands: how many think the north started the War of Northern Aggression?"

Same hands go up.

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:33 pm

clean.

articulate.

herman cain 2012

BarackMyWorld May 5, 2011 at 10:33 pm

The focus group on Fox News sounds like they were paid off by the Cain campaign.

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 11:47 pm

Free pizzas and dope will have a positive effect on opinions.

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:35 pm

is this group EERILY similar to the reactions of dems in the primary last time around? "i didn't know about him before, but i really liked him after i heard him talk."

DustBowlBlues May 5, 2011 at 10:36 pm

I fucking quit. Herman Cain. They're crazy in SC. This time I'm leaving for real. But . . . these people are so fucking fucked in the head.

102415 May 5, 2011 at 10:36 pm

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20060266-5
Whoa. Even Boner skipped this thing and the downfister went to bed. Who wants ice cream with tequila?

FakaktaSouth May 5, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Watching the abject honest shock on Luntz' oh so punchable face as these Sow'kerlina whiteys talk about the "articulate" Mr. Cain is just a treat.

OhHellToTheNo May 6, 2011 at 9:07 am

I need Allen West, Alan Keyes and Herman Cain to duel in a match of "wits". Michael Steele will be forced to watch and think about what he's done.

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:36 pm

this is gooooood news…

for herman cain!

/sorry

Rasvar May 5, 2011 at 10:39 pm

If Herman Cain could win in South Carolina, just imagine if Skeletor/Rick Scott was running there. He get 103% of the vote!

OzoneTom May 5, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Brotha ROCKS!

obfuscator2 May 5, 2011 at 10:44 pm

anyone else notice the peter max presidential portraits in the luntz hut?

mumbly_joe May 5, 2011 at 10:46 pm

So, in conclusion, nobody who skipped this really missed anything. Ron Paul was Ron Paul, Herman Cain was some black guy with no political experience who was there for diversity (it's not called affirmative action when Republicans do it!), Pawlentey was a low-rent Romney, Gary Johnson was Ron Paul trying to tack a little further to the left, and Santorum was a frothy mixture of etc.

BarackMyWorld May 5, 2011 at 10:46 pm

I'm going to go back in time and trademark the phrase "common sense" so politicians will stop saying it.

BZ1 May 5, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Four days after Obama announced that a U.S. raid into Pakistan that he approved had killed Osama bin Laden, he's blasted on national security. Don't them fellas get tha… radio?!

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2011 at 11:02 pm

One amazing feature of this debate is that the real crazies — Palin, Bachmann, Huckabee, Trump, Gingrich — have yet to toss their tinfoil hats into the ring.

OhHellToTheNo May 6, 2011 at 9:05 am

I hope Jeff Probst shows up and splits the GOP into two teams…

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi May 5, 2011 at 11:44 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUfS8LyeUyM

operation regime change in effect
note the subtle media movement
both political parties
may it stay peaceful

GinnehRED57 May 5, 2011 at 11:51 pm

I went to bed, woke up, and it was over. WINNER!

OhHellToTheNo May 6, 2011 at 9:04 am

Big deal. It's not that hard to fall asleep once Pawlenty opens his mouth.

El Pinche May 6, 2011 at 12:25 am

So who's king of America ? I decided to sip Tecate while watching 6 hrs of Walking Dead.

mrblifil May 6, 2011 at 12:40 am

For me the high point was when Tim Pawlenty broke into song and treated us to his rendition of "Molasses to Rum to Slaves."

metamarcisf May 6, 2011 at 12:42 am

Tim Pawlenty, quoted when he campaigned before a bunch of homeless people, moving their belongings into a shelter last week in Iowa: "I'd love to help you but I've got a weak back." "When did this problem first manifest itself?", called one of those unfortunate Americans in response. "Oh", replied Pawlenty, "about a week back."

zhubajie May 6, 2011 at 12:59 am

Was Jonathon the Impaler there? He's the only Rep I'd think about voting for!

poncho_pilot May 6, 2011 at 3:09 am

i'm not going to dig through all six pages of this to see if it was mentioned or not, but some dickhead in the focus group is wearing a red bow tie and for some reason that really pisses me off.

OhHellToTheNo May 6, 2011 at 5:55 am

Kudos to everyone who didn't fall asleep as soon as Tim Pawlenty opened his mouth. Especially since you know everyone had binged on a Godfather pizza feast provided by Herman Cain in order to woo the voters of whatever it is he is running for. It's not president, is it? That can't be right…

OhHellToTheNo May 6, 2011 at 6:00 am

When asked about Tim Pawlenty, the entire state of Minnesota replied "Who? Sounds familiar. Was he that smelly kid from 3rd grade? Governor? Of this state? Was this in a movie or on teevee?"

OhHellToTheNo May 6, 2011 at 6:24 am

It seems like showing up to this debate is pretty much a guarantee that you will not be around for the debate that people actually care about.

DaRooster May 6, 2011 at 10:58 am

"Ronald Reagan was the greatest president ever?”

Did y'all enjoy your tear shots?

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