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Ken always goes for the bad boy.
That state attorney general who “won” at being the first to defeat Obamacare in his state apparently would like to be beamed up to heaven very quickly so he can go be one of Osama bin Laden’s “Virginans,” which sounds like a cross between “virgin” and “vagina” and “trans.” Wow, what a combo! Whatever your weirdest sex fantasy is, Ken Cuccinelli just topped it.

According to Jason Linkins, Cuccinelli may be “referencing” this ancient Internet chain-letter “joke” about Virginians meeting bin Laden in heaven. But this still doesn’t make sense. Ken Cuccinelli desperately wants to be dead? Somebody put him on suicide watch! He’s gone emo on us! (Something he shares with his new lover?) Just be careful not to give him any health care, because he HATES health care and that will probably just make him more suicidal.

Cuccinelli then responded to the people making fun of him on Twitter, assuming those accusing him of making a typo just didn’t understand what a “Virginian” is:

Why does Ken have to deal with such plebes? Don't they know English? Pshaw.

Yes, Ken Cuccinelli is so hubristic that he didn’t even go back to read his tweet and see that it was INSANE and DID include a typo, he just assumed that everyone was too dumb to know what a “Virginian” is. Also, doesn’t everyone want to get ass-fucked by Osama bin Laden in another dimension of existence? Something you can tell your grandkids, at least. [Twitter/HuffPo]

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  • Sue4466

    He just wants to insert himself into the story anyway he can.

    • Heh… you said "insert."

    • Omophagist

      I think what you meant was that he wants to have the handle of a toilet plunger inserted into himself in any way he can.

      • genxr

        The handle end? Don't be a pussyfut.

  • forgracie

    Virginia is fer lovers.

    • SorosBot

      Virgina is fer lovers.

    • nounverb911

      Virginia Thomas?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Ken Cuccinelli; star fucker.

      • horsedreamer_1

        He also killed Kurt Cobain, sapped Billy Corgan of his talent, & tried to seduce Trent Reznor. True story.

      • bagofmice

        Incorporated.

    • DahBoner

      Virginia is for lovers

      All 72 of 'em, the inbreeding continues…

      • Are you saying there are only 72 bloodlines in all of Virginia, I buy that, What does West Virginia have, 2?

  • petehammer

    It is indeed a typo. "Virginans" was not a typo for "Virginians" but rather "Virginanus."

    But, really, we all know that would be a lie anyway.

    • bagofmice

      Extemporanus will have your head for that. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

      • Extemporhammer

        I have no interest in Pete's bloody head.

        I will, however, borrow his hammer for a bit — I've still got 69 virginans in need of nailing. (Mine broke on #3…)

        • petehammer

          What did I do to deserve the doghouse?

    • Not_So_Much

      Does this mean Cuccinelli has a thing for 'beards' or wants to be one or what?

  • Buzz Feedback

    Please see my earlier post about doody clogging up the intertubez.

  • Are the "72 Virginans" goats or sheep?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Yes.

  • This is why people on medication should stay away from heavy machinery and blackberries.

  • Terry

    Virginia, you all can have your delusions of grandeur based on Thomas Jefferson, but your reality is that you elect idiots like Cuccinelli and his pal your governor.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Virginia touts its eight presidents (most of any state) but they fail to realize Woodrow Wilson (who was elected from New Jersey, where he had been president at Princeton) was the last one.

      Since Woody left office, though, those granola-eaters in California have given us two (though only one by birth), the union-thugs in Illinois two as well (Reagan was born there, Obama served there), & "exotic" Hawai'i one.

      Virginia? Squat.

    • retarded_baboon

      Hear, hear! As a resident of Virginia (but not a native so I'm no Virginian, praise Allah), I'm sick and tired of the Dumbshit Wonder Twins, Ken the Cooch and Gov. Bob.

      • keepem_sikanpor

        I'm with you. I live in the communist part of Virginia and was tired of these two asshats before the final election results were in. Hateful morons.

        • finallyhappy

          I used to work in Commie Northern Va but I live in Socialist Commie Montgomery County,MD. We have no elected Republicans and currently are planning how to dump some less than progressive Dems we elected in our last state elections.

  • nounverb911

    Definitely needs more santorum.

  • Mojopo

    I love you Wonky, for intercepting Twatters so I don't have to.

    • emmelemm

      Seconded.

  • Doktor Zoom

    So that's what Twitter is good for–allowing morons to more publicly warn the rest of us that they're morons. Useful public service, but I'm still not sure it adds up to a business model.

  • Callyson

    If he does become one of Osama's bitches, he better not take a teaching job in VA…
    On March 4, 2010, one month after Governor Bob McDonnell issued an Executive Order which did not include protections for gays and lesbians employed by the Commonwealth, Cuccinelli issued a letter to Virginia's public colleges and universities that said, in part, "It is my advice that the law and public policy of the Commonwealth of Virginia prohibit a college or university from including 'sexual orientation,' 'gender identity,' 'gender expression,' or like classification as a protected class within its non-discrimination policy absent specific authorization from the General Assembly," http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_Cuccinelli

  • Some how…this makes me feel better about being a Floridian.

    • bagofmice

      Perhaps one day the florida fark tag will be replaced by the cooch.

      Nah…

  • SorosBot

    Would "Virginans" be people who live in virgins? That seems kind of impossible.

    • AJW@[redacted]

      Worked for Jesus, if you believe what you no doubt were forced to read once upon a time.

      • SorosBot

        I suppose that if you go with the Catholic schoolgirl / Bill Clinton view that oral sex doesn't count, it would work for children of lesbians conceived via in vitro fertilization.

        • tiredalways

          Are you trying to say Mary was lesbian? Huh, show me the long form video to prove that or STFU.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Hail Mary, full of Grace.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            So, Grace had the strap-on?

    • Not_So_Much

      Downright 'immaculate'…

  • mumbly_joe

    I'm pretty sure Kenny's that other thing, too.

  • CliveWarren

    I'm pretty sure those animated Taiwanese pigs were actually West Virginans…
    http://nydn.us/izThg3

  • Schmannnity

    Why isn't drunk tweeting against the law in Virginia?

  • nounverb911

    Robin Williams take on 71 Virginians.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Yeah, because 'Virginians' are mentioned all the time in the Koran.

  • edgydrifter

    No, dude, we got it the first time. You're an idiot. Check.

  • kissawookiee

    Ken wants to be buttbanged by an emaciated, diabetic 54-year old who is missing half his skull? I slow-clap applaud your devotion to corpse-porn, sir.

    • horsedreamer_1

      I blame Gonzo porn. As fantasy has become more & more implausible, the ability really to get off has become compromised. Only the vilest desires can get one sprung.

      • kissawookiee

        Are you reading Empire of Illusion too? That's been my breakfast book this week, just in case the news isn't depressing enough when I get to work.

  • __kth__

    ObL is, of course, in Hell, which is also where most dead Virginians are. Live ones, too, come to think of it.

  • phlox✔

    "This is just another stellar example of Republican 'humor'.
    These guys can't tell a joke to save their lives."

    -Dr Martin Luther King Jr.

    • prommie

      I thought Mark Twain said that, or was it the Dalai Lama?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Duh, it was Oscar Wilde.

  • Hatrabbit

    Cuccinelli wants a 'menage a Soixante-trois' with a dead Osama?

    Okay Ken, you just out-creeped Glenn Beck, Michele Bachmann and Rush Limbaugh combined. Is this a tilt for the Republican 2012 Nomination?

    • Crank_Tango

      LOL yer missing ten virginans–it's actually a ménage à soixante-treize.

      At least it's not over 90–that's when shit gets really confusing. The french love to pick on the belgians, but at least they have the good sense to say nonante and not quatre-vingt-dix.

      • __kth__

        Speaking of rednecks speaking French, but mostly off-topic: Lawyers in Texas courtrooms all pronounce the legal term for the pre-trial juror meet-and-greet "voyer dyer". I suspect many if not most of them know how to pronounce voir dire, but fear that they will lose favor with the judge with such a display of cityfication.

      • __kth__

        Speaking of speaking French, but mostly off-topic: Lawyers in Texas courtrooms all pronounce the legal term for the pre-trial juror meet-and-greet "voyer dyer". I suspect many if not most of them know how to pronounce voir dire, but fear that they will lose favor with the judge with such a display of cityfication.

      • Hatrabbit

        Ooops! My French sucks so much I can't even google France-y words.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        soixante-douze, n'est-ce-pas?

  • carlgt1

    that's the only way dumb RepugliKKKans can get into the "Osama finally killed" story — hoping their tweets get attention! oh, and begging for blood & guts photos….

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    I'd rather be a slutan than a virginan.

  • RadioGroundZero

    Obvsly, wingtard buttsecks humor.

  • widestanceroman

    Ken has saved himself for OBL all these years, and now he's tearing apart. . .all his pictures of him.

    (I had assumed he meant '72 vaginas.')

  • Doktor Zoom

    Cooch & Ellie? Sure, I'd watch that.

  • Mumbletypeg

    Does Cucc have the same Republican gullible-gene that the earlier doofus Chambliss has? Where else would he get the idea that he has special privileges to empty his brain-pan onto something like Twitter with the result that *only* recipients with some card-carrying kind of 'exclusive access' to his/their bizarre inside-humor will see it and no one else?

  • WhatTheHeck

    Yes, Virginia, there are Virginian Virgins. Or, so I’ve been told.
    Although, I’ve found none myself.

    • DahBoner

      There are not virgins in Virginia because Vaginas are for lovers

  • Papa_Uniform

    Cuccinelli's stupid meter is pegged out.

  • SayItWithWookies

    He certainly puts the Nelly in Cuccinelli — but I wouldn't've guessed tall swarthy hairy men were his thing.

  • It explains why guys like Cuccinelli don't want gay marriage here when they have it up there.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    And this guy's an attorney? Just goes to show you that apparently something as lifelike as an animated shoe can pass the bar exam.

    • MissusBarry

      The bar? Seems like the kind of thing the Commonwealth wouldn't require [and the voters might disdain] as a qualification for the position.

  • HempDogbane

    Ken is trying to say he is from Northern Virginan.

  • baconzgood

    I don't get it Cuccinelli. Here's a tip if you want somthing to be funny try really hard to pepper it with humor.

  • OC_Slurpee_Serf

    72? So like the Middle East:

    How many Virgins do I get?
    50!
    I want 100!
    you get 70!
    I want 75!
    72!
    Sold!

  • CrunchyKnee

    Did he really mean West Virginans?

  • PabaBritannica

    And this man is still suing scientists over results he doesn't like.

    And he'll probably still get re-elected since noone that votes Democratic in this state gives two shits about elections that don't involve Barry.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh, AGs don't run for re-election — they run for governor, unfortunately.

    • finallyhappy

      yeah, that is why they keep asking people from my state(MD) to come over during your elections. Maybe a few people there have gotten smarter since they see what they got with the Kook

  • hollywooddood

    Oh, come on boys. You don't have to have a virgina to get this.

  • Also, doesn’t everyone want to get ass-fucked by Osama bin Laden in another dimension of existence?

    Uhhh, no, not so much,

  • horsedreamer_1

    Italian-American Republicans have some issues with sex, it seems. Giuliani, cross-dresser. Cuccinelli, homonecrophiliac. Alfonse D'Amato, obsessed with Bill Clinton's wiener.

  • bagofmice

    edtr on prject. will rprt back soon.

  • J Rbt. Oppenheiner

    Was this sent when he was on the clock ? Get to fuckin' work.

  • bagofmice

    Another job in our new service economy. To the rolls!

  • spudgun

    I was thinking more along the lines of "douchebag", but yours works just as well.

  • DahBoner

    Yes Virginia, there is a Ken Cuccinelli….

  • Ken Cuccinelli, proud Vaginan-American

  • RadioGroundZero

    If there is one thing I've learned at ye Olde Wonkettes, it's that if you have to explain a joke, it's probably not funny. But NOTHING this world classclown could say would be funny.

    • Mumbletypeg

      I'm wondering too, based on his failure to see either the FAIL or the humor in his tweet, how often jokes need to be explained to him — not that this isn't common w/ Repub's as others here have noted — but I'm especially enjoying the image of Cucc', say, ordering Chinese take-out with his cronies, only to have to take turns explaining to him why the cookie fortunes are funnier when adding "… in bed"?
      I can just picture his brow wrinkling: "[reads fortune]…in bed?
      Bed… I don't get it."

  • DustBowlBlues

    Under the Scott Brown pinup pose, I predicted stupid Republicans would be the meme of the day.

    Nailed it!

  • PabaBritannica
  • PabaBritannica
  • PabaBritannica
    • OK, but he is a Democrat and has a magnificent silver mane, so go easy on him.

      • finallyhappy

        But isn't he a cheater?

  • proudgrampa

    One of my pet peeves is bad spelling. This asshole is getting what he deserves. What a maroon!

  • prommie

    To give some credit, there were 70-some soldiers involved in the raid, and Seal Team 6 is apparently based in Virginia, so he was riffing on the idea Osama got to spend some time with 72 Virginians, instead of 72 virgins, and dipshit here wishes he was one of the Virginians. But yeah, stupid, a lawyer should be able to express his thoughts intelligibly, even if not intelligently.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Credit? You want to give him credit? I'd demand cash on the barrel-head from this magic-bean purveyor.

    • finallyhappy

      The Pentagon is in Virginia too but I don't give Kookie credit for that

    • snoopyfan2010

      If you have to put that much effort into explaining yourself, whatever you had to say probably wasn't worth it in the first place.

      And the problem I have with that explanation is that he somehow assumes that he is on par with the men who actually did the job…….including the one in the oval office with the really nice tan.

  • mavenmaven

    It is Republican humor, he'd make OBL squeal like a pig. You don't find it funny? I'm sure the Breitbart people are just whooping it up with laughter.

  • anti0aquabudda

    I wonder of Osama has learned that the 72 virgins were mumu wearing relatives of Rosi O'Donnell

  • anti0aquabudda

    I wonder if Osama has learned that the 72 virgins were mumu wearing relatives of Rosi O'Donnell

  • DahBoner

    Yes, it's true! Osama now has 72 virgins!

    Ironically, they turned out of be dolphins, who are gang-raping him right now…

  • DahBoner

    Yes, it's true! Osama now has 72 virgins!

    Ironically, they turned out of be dolphins, who are gang-raping him right now…

  • GregComlish

    Ok, so for this joke to work, first I have to notice and accept the Virgin / Virginian substitution. It's an odd substitution and definitely needs more space to set it up than Twitter is going to allow. That's mistake one.

    Second, the author wants to be one of the Virgin/Virginian hanging out with Osama. Why? Because he hates Osama? Or because he is a such an intensely closeted Republican that he will do anything, literally anything to get his hands on some cock, including fellate the fetid corpse of America's most hated 'Muslin' enemy?? It's too ambiguous to figure out what he's trying to say, what with the second interpretation being so much funnier than the first.

  • GregComlish

    Ok, so for this joke to work, first I have to notice and accept the Virgin / Virginian substitution. It's an odd substitution and definitely needs more space to set it up than Twitter is going to allow. That's mistake one.

    Second, the author wants to be a Virgin/Virginian hanging out with Osama. Why? Because he hates Osama? Or because he is a such an intensely closeted Republican that he will do anything, literally anything to get his hands on some cock, including fellate the fetid corpse of America's most hated 'Muslin' enemy?? It's too ambiguous to figure out what he's trying to say, what with the second interpretation being so much funnier than the first.

  • XOhioan

    72 Virginians is my idea of hell.

  • An_Outhouse

    Isn't asswipe manufactured by Koch Industries or one of their subsidiaries?

    • Could there be any more proof that Scott Walker is closely tied to the Koch brothers?

  • WriteyWriterton

    Pig + lipstick still = Cuccinelli.

  • DaSandman

    Hmmm. His inability to separate "virgins" from "Virginians" is telling. Like most Repugs, he is so depraved he is busy inventing new perversions and broadcasting them on the Internets.__What the fuck happened to simple sneak around adultery?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    I know a bunch of gheys are partial to arab guys. But I think they mostly draw the line at crazy, religious, terrorist freaks though.

  • Ken C., you have our permission to off yourself. Doesn't cost a cent.

  • walstib

    Ken is SO funny.

    Let's all head to Richmond and butt-fuck him.

    You go first though.

    BTW – THANKS DFT!! You make me feel so special. Wanna butt-fuck?

  • Fare la Volpe

    I get it, Ken, Osama was a handsome devil, but someday you have to put away your Tiger Beat posters and move on. There'll be other dream boat mass murderers, sweetie.

  • Yes Virginans there is a vagina. Ken Cucinelli's never seen one, but the rest of you can consider yourself now up to speed.

  • fartknocker

    This douche confirms that Twatter is nothing more than a weapon of mass distraction.

    I wonder why we haven't heard from Wasilla Rose and Bristol Brisket Thighs? Ya know, for freedom and more Toby Keith/Lee Greenwood songs.

  • DashboardBuddha

    So Osama gets to party with 72 people from Richmond? I'm confused.

  • Eve8Apples

    Kenny and Osama sittin' in a tree
    K I S S I N G
    etc, etc, etc

  • prommie

    It doesn't make sense because the moran screwed up the verb tenses. There were 70-some Seals involved in the raid, and they were based in Virhinia so they are "Virginians." It would have made sense if he said "I wish I was ("were," but he probably has no grasp of the subjunctive) one of the 72 Virginians Osama got to hang out with last weekend." Get it?
    If he were there, we could make Emerson Lake and Palmer jokes, about how "70 Virginians and a tool" took out Osama.

    • DahBoner

      Although dolphins are not alone in the animal world of gang-rapists, research suggests they’ve the perfected the art to a degree unseen in any other species, and it seems they don’t limit their advances to their female partners, either: there are several reports claiming divers and swimmers have also been accosted.

      More proof that Virginia Beach is for lovers!

      • genxr

        I never reported it to police. Sometimes I just sit in the shower and cry. That dolphin said I was special!

      • LetUsBray

        One lesser known Greek myth is that the god Dionysus was once kidnapped by a bunch of pirates who wanted to buttsecks him. But instead he turned them into dolphins. I believe I now have some idea where that story came from.

  • Sigh. And people ask why I don't want to move home.

  • Poindexter718

    I personally find it refreshing that Gen. Cuccinelli would open up about his inner life in this fashion and wish you meansters would stop mocking him for it.
    This sort of sharing should be encouraged

  • Sounds like someone has a pre-existing condition. Too bad this will disqualify him from Virgina's Obama-proofed health case system.

  • prommie

    Also, too, he is one of those passive-aggressive narcissists who LIKES it when noone gets his jokes, he thinks it proves he is smarter.

    • genxr

      …and then the penguin says, "What do I look like, a radio?" Ha ha ha, stupid liberals.

  • In his defense, on April 30th he did tweet that "Hundreds of pounds of drugs taken in just in prince william county so far!" So, he was likely wasted out of his mind.

  • BZ1

    Repubs never apologize, never retreat… not even over a typo…

  • Extemporhammer

    Osama got 72 problems but a Virginan ain't one…

  • Coochie, coochie, Nellie, Nellie.

  • fuflans

    that's so funny ken!

  • ttommyunger

    Total dick; tiny, but total.

  • Left_Leftie

    Still makes more sense then Gra$$ley

  • MiniMencken

    I think these Repugs should stop embarrassing themselves by attempting to post short, snarky comments on Twitter and other social media. That's a job best left to the real professionals at Wonkette.

  • Maybe more of an Avaulta Twitter Mesh?

    Mind the erosion, though.

  • ThundercatHo

    Ken always hoped that his BFs would call him "Cooch" for a nickname but they really just call him "Cuntface".

  • GOPCrusher

    Shut up, moron.

  • GOPCrusher

    Shut up, moran.

  • So the punchline is: "I wish my anus had fewer miles on it, for Bin Laden!" (?)

    Good joke… I guess. Probably hits too close to home for his co-workers and friends that have to deal with his constant butt leakage.

  • equitywolf

    This must be just like living in paradise…

  • AlaskaGrrl

    So gay. So very, very gay. And stupid. Your basic right wing Republican male. Nothing to see here, move along.

  • comrad_darkness

    So . . . I still don't get it. What does he want?

    • I think he wants someone to 'shoot' him in his 'eye' too.

  • lochnessmonster

    Some ppl should learn they are not suited to tweeting…like him.

  • glamourdammerung

    And here I thought all the conservative bitching about bin Laden's death was that they are still pissed the President of the United States is a black Democrat, not that they were wanting to be the cave bin Laden was hiding in.

  • MinAgain

    I think Virginans is what you call someone from the Virgin Islands.

  • politics_nerd

    it was not a typo, but a typo. IT IS *THESE* WONDERFUL ENTERTAINMENT MOMENTS THAT MAKE ME PROUD TO BE AMERICAN. Thank you, God, for morons.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    I think it's an anagram for "Avaulta".

  • benjo765

    This isn't news. Find me any office serving american who doesn't like sex parties!!!
    Why the heck should that terrorist get all the fun to himself?

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