Hey look, the White House’s story changed again! (By next week, we will finally find out bin Laden had become an emo and slit his wrists two days before we got there.)
Administration officials said the official account of events has changed over the course of the week because it has taken time to get thorough after-action reports from the Seal team. And, they added, because the Special Operations troops had been fired upon as soon as they touched down in the compound, they were under the assumption that everyone inside was armed.
Yes, armed for a WATER FIGHT! These SEALs did not play fair!
When the commandos reached the top floor, they entered a room and saw Osama bin Laden with an AK-47 and a Makarov pistol in arm’s reach. They shot and killed him, as well as wounding a woman with him.
And after all that shooting, he still didn’t have a gun in his hand? Makes sense. We assume Osama bin Laden is about as knowledgeable and experienced at shooting weapons as Sarah Palin and wasn’t planning on renouncing violence as a means for change. [NYT]
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"A senior administration official went on to clarify that the attack was carried out by an elite squadron of elephant seals, not navy seals as had been previously reported"
I thought it was the LOLrus.
I am the Walrus?
I was the Walrus – Paul wasn't the Walrus! I was just saying that to be nice, but I was actually the Walrus!
Don't speak ill of the dead*!
*Paul, in this case.
I thought Wilford Brimley was the Walrus?
V.I. Lenin VLADIMIR ILYICH ULYANOV
Shut the FUCK UP you're out of your element!
Oh noes! Osama kicked mah bukkit!!
I'm not sure- did the stealth helecopter have a bukkit seat? Don't tell us if it's too classified.
Actually, it was Seals and Crofts.
No, it was Bobby Seale.
i thought it was a couple 'vericose seals' that ruptured in his balls. a much more painful way to go.
Leopard seals. They're badass-er.
All you fuckers are wrong, natch.
It was Seal, and he did Kiss from a Rose and man did he kill it!
Wait till everyone finds out we really only iced a stunt double.
Yeah…that would pretty much be the end of Barry's presidency.
"Further information suggests the compound was more of a chalet or dacha."
And that it was near Zurich or Kiev.
Actually, a double-wide.
In West Texas.
Upon further investigation, it turned out to be the Unabomber's shack, having been bought by the Saudi Royal Family for bin Laden as a Birthday Present.
Did we expect them to shoot? They were prolly zoning, watching that great Mohammedan hope, Jamaal, on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.
I have no problem with any of this.
A'ight?!
No one ever thought Bin Laden had a chance of being taken alive, right?
I think he even said as much himself at one point.
These SEALs did not play fair!
The only unfair fight is the one you lose…
Don't bring an aging guerrilla to a SEAL fight.
"Administration officials said the official account of events has changed over the course of the week…"
What? You mean to tell me that initial reports were not correct? As if someone heard somethings and embellished them? From OUR administration? Pishaw…
In other news, Alex Jones is still quite certain that a car bomb went off outside the State Department on 9/11.
Oh come on, I've seen enough terrible cop shows on TV to know that anyone in this situation would have had a throw-down piece with which to incriminate
ObamaOsama.OBL was shirtless and screaming "I DINT DO NUTHIN'!"
So, why didn't Osama ever try to depose his greatest tormentor, Fidel?
If I have a gun on one side of my bed and a woman on the other, I'm going to caress the woman every time. That's another difference between me and most Republicans, I suppose.
Well, the "woman" part is different from "Rent Boy" too.
Well, I'd have my hands on the rent boy then. Another difference from Republicans.
If you were a real republican, you'd have that gun barrel gently massaging your prostate, in a totally non-gay way, while you caressed the woman and simultaneously made her feel inferior then later denied her any healthcare. Time to up your game.
"If I have a gun on one side of my bed and a woman on the other"
OBL = Hunter S. Thompson!
And have to get his dad to reload the gun after every shot?
Breaking news. That's not a bullet hole above Bin Laden's left eye! It's only a surveyor's mark.
Like in the old adage… you snooze, you lose….
Evidently it was a Super Blood-soaker 3000, which obviously malfunctioned.
Who cares.
Some folks need killing.
He got what he had coming to him…
Now, if only the GOP would get what's due them – not bullets mind you, just some random wedgies and swirlies…
Osama's never gonna survive unless… he's gets a little crazy…
Funny how the mind works, I imagined him residing in a Pakistani Mt. Vernon, with slaves and everything.
I think he assumed they were going to take him alive to Gitmo……a little torture, maybe, but sweet socialist medical care. He might have been okay with that. Never assume with SEALs…..sometimes they're just there for the wetwork.
Seriously. $1 million will get you something a lot nicer with the same fences here in Tucson…..and without the Goodwill furniture.
But then you're stuck in Arizona. He wanted to be somewhere that was welcoming to the browns, not at risk of being shipped back to Mexico. Although it must have been a bit of a let-down after spending 2001-2009 in the Lincoln Bedroom.
You just made Gabby Giffords cry eagle tears.
Hey! Quit making it hard to hate on AZ! I am a sensitive flower of
youthearly middle age.Oh, I hate Arizona. I just like to think of Tucson as the last bastion of sanity. Even we're sliding fast.
Oh, I hate Arizona, too. I just like to think of Tucson as the last bastion of sanity. Even we're sliding fast.
Ironic that Bristol has it better.
Soon we'll discover there were more shots at Tom Tancredo's house during the Cinco de Mayo than at OBL's chalet.
Two weapons by his side and he went down like a wuss. Those seventy – two virgins are laughing in his face as we read this.
They'll probably be laughing at his tiny dick. I mean, why else would he spend his life being so murderously angry, right?
Actually, Obama died after repeatedly being forced to listen to Seal's "Kissed by a Rose."
This story makes about as much sense as any of the previous ones. I mean, bin Laden wasn't alarmed enough by the sounds of helicopters, gunfire and explosions to grab a weapon before the SEAL team came through his bedroom door? Dude must throw some loud parties is all I can figure.
They claim that he was on the 3rd floor and they worked their way up, It must have taken at least a few minutes AFTER they started killing people and going inside to get up there. Maybe he was really sleepy.
Maybe they were testing some new laser space weapons that make you a drooling idiot. Or maybe the 12 year old kid is right that they arrested Bin Laden and then executed him.
If the SEALS hadn't yelled "DOMINOES DELIVERY" when they kicked the door in, this whole story would have gone down differently.
I'd fight to keep Domino's delivery out of my secret compound. But bin Laden — after hearing helicopters, shooting, people yelling, he's still in his PJs. Scratching his ass saying "Osama moved out last week, man. Owes me $200."
BTW, one explanation could be those words the SEALS heard OBL screaming to his couriers as they stormed the building "no shooting you guys, remember this place is only a rental!!!"
The terrorists were dressed in skimpy pajamas, all standing, giggling, on the bed and holding pillows. It was set to be the mother of all pillow fights.
Nope, nothing but carnitas for Osama.
Actually he was in the middle of buttsecks…wait do they get to do that?
What is with Jack and the "emo suicide" meme today?
Emo suicide is always good for a few larfs.
Jesus, ya know cops kill unarmed people in raids ALL THE FUCKING TIME in the US of Merka, in cases of mistaken identity/address, and no one gives a shit.
This was osama bin laden for the love of fuck.
You know, this is at once a terribly skewed view of the world as it ought to be, and a terribly accurate view of the world as it is.
And I'll admit that, while I am generally opposed to the death penalty, it's because of the uncertainty. When there is no uncertainty, I'm pretty much fine with the warning shot through the eye.
I just hope that at the end of all the heroic celebrations we don't find out that Bin Laden was accidentally shot by his own troops.
The US has bombed, shot and otherwise killed how many innocent civilians? Water-boarded, anally-probed and otherwise tortured how many people suspected but not proved to be terrorists? Held without trial or time limit how many enemy combatants? And, after the US kills Osama Bin Laden(!), now people decide to be all particular about human rights and due process of law?
Yes, there was a black guy from Maine(had to be a plant- are their black guys in Maine) saying Obama should be tried at the Hague for this, killing children in Libya and then I changed the channel. He was a call-in via computercam- so yes, I am sure he was black.
Yes, but when all that other unfortunate stuff happened, the president was a white person.
Oh, downfisting trolls are here, apparently upset that they didn't get to be one of OBL's virgins.
"One Lame Terrorist Got Shot Off… Seal Response: "Nobody's perfect."
One things confuses me here…The Seals completely controlled the narrative. "Yep…he pulled a gun, we were in danger and we killed the fuck out of him." Yes, I know they go in with helmet cams, but really? In this day and age that couldn't be altered? Hell, I saw a movie not long ago where Sigourney Weaver was this 8 feet tall blue chick and that looked pretty damn real. It's great we're being honest and all, but sometimes it's best not to stir the shit any more than it needs to be.
Joke's on you, Sigourney Weaver *is* eight feet tall.
Joke's on you. Sigourney Weaver *is* eight feet tall.
That only make me love her more.
And blue.
Still fine by me.
these things are the unknown unknowns.
Was Amadou Diallo in the room? 41 shots, baby.
I'm waiting for the Lifetime movie to find out what really happened.
I'm betting on something within a month
All these after-action commentaries are, like, totally harshing my post-OBL hit mellow.
No, it was just a duplex like in Sweetwater.
Any American cop would have fired 40-50 rounds and then only him him twice.
They were distracted by the donuts…
Obviously, Osama had the noise-reduction phones on. Probably digging into some Neil Diamond.
Seals. They can balance a ball on their noses, but just try getting a coherent post-incident report out of them.
"Only One Lame Terrorist Got Shot Off On SEALs"
On the contrary, surely the one terrorist who got a shot away was actually a GOOD terrorist, and all the ones who failed to fight back were lame.
I don't care if he was killed whilst helping an old lady across a busy Abbottabad street. I just don't.
I have waited a couple of day but….that title is strange. "…got shot off on…"?
Kinky.
Wonketteers have been all-snark, no common sense lately. Osama wasn't in the US and wasn't a US citizen. There's no legal or moral obligation for the US govt to arrest or detain him. Capping his ass was totally legal and morally defensible, and probably good public policy to boot.
Now, celebrating his death in the streets – indubitably tacky and sort of sinister. but hey, those kids out there grew up with OBL as their boogeyman.
1. There's this notion of international law, you know? It's vague and imprecise in a lot of areas, but part of its purpose is to try to dissuade Vladimir Putin from sending somebody to stick an icepick in your ear because you said bad things about Russia. And morality isn't the same thing as legality.
2. OTOH, personally, I wouldn't have cared if they crushed his nuts with a jackhammer before shooting him.
The funny thing is that international law only means something when one sides wans to support it. To this day, we've still got people on our side absolutely bitter that we didn't say to hell with international Hutu-dominated government of Rwanda, or predator-drone the shit out of Sudanese government forces in Darfur, the only point being that I think there are quite a few clear cases in which a country (particularly pretty clearly "failed states") forefeits its sovereignty when they start sicing their military after their own civilian populations, for one, or harboring known international terrorists for another.
Ultimately, the nations of the world get away with what they feel they can get away with. If Pakistan feels like we don't need to be there and we're undermining their national sovereignty, they should feel free to start shooting us out of the sky is all I'm saying. In the case of Pakistan, I think this nation and much of the rest of the world absolutely flatters them to keep pretending that their government is legitimate and that their state isn't failed. We only flatter their asses as some kind of ally because they have nukes and we don't want them and India at each others throats more than they already are. Without the nukes we'd have told them to fuck off long time ago. Pakistan, quite frankly, is a joke on the level of Yemen, yet we treat them as if they were as close an ally as the Uk. Meh.
We will construct a series of facts consistent with our conspiracy theories, with our without these clarifications.
You all right?
A bit melancholy. But we'll find new enemies. I am certain of this.
The Al Queda operatives wanted to return fire, but there were no available large civilian aircraft to direct at the SEALs.
WIN
I agree. WIN!
All that super-soaker water mixing with the blood from the bullets…. what a blood bath it must of turned into.
Perhaps that's what we should of done all along: challenged em' to an epic water fight.
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